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The (Beaver
lOtHjeBniary, 1992 ITte Students' Union
London ScfwoC of "Economics
Issue 354
SU to grow
By Hans Gutbrot
Plans have been revealed for the expansion of the Student's Unions facilities, outlined in a paper released last Monday by General Secretary, Michiel van Hulten. It had become clear in the past that accommodation for commercial and non-commercial use had not been sufficient to meet students' demands. Students have been complaining about queues in the Students' Union Shop, the Print Room and the Cafe. However, the Students' Union can no longer expand within its existing space. In order to offer "quality services at affordable prices" it was essential that more space was provided, van Hulten claimed. The SU was prepared to "make an investment in its future" by paying for the accommodation of its commercial services.
The Union is currently negotiating with the School over a bid for 1100 square feet. The School demands £20 per sq.ft., totalling a cost of £22000, which would be deducted from the Union's annual block grant. As the School's demands at the moment are above normal market value van
Hulten expects the actual price demanded will be lowered during the negotiations.
The SU has had previous experience with the expansion of existing service facilities and the Union is confident of its ability the pay the additional costs that will arise if the plans are implemented. Examples of the success of past investments include the Cafe, which is expected to make a profit this academic year for the first time, as well as the Print Room, which according to first estimates almost trebled output last term.
The paper details several suggested changes. Van Hulten wants the existing Union Shop to be split, with School-memorabilia, non-foods and stationary in a shop situated in S50, next to the Economist Bookshop. Ithas been suggested that the Womens' Room in the Cafe is to be moved to a new location, provided an equally accessible accommodation can be found. This will increase seating space in the "Hackers Bar".
It is argued that since the Cafe is not easily accessible for five-minute breaks, the SU is consideringa plan to open a "Wrights"-type
coffee bar in fCing's Chambers. Although Van Hulten concedes that this might seem an unsuitable location at the moment, he believes that the situation will change once St.Philip's hospital is in use. since it is exjjected to "shift the focus of LSE activity" away from Houghton Street towards St. Philips.
As the Print Room has been faced with an increased demand, it is hoped that enough accommodation will be available for it to double its space, despite it not being centrally located.
Van Hulten has also put forward proposals regarding non-commercial accommodation. In the event of the new Constitution being adopted, which Van Hulten suggests "seems likely", a new office will be required for the proposed Equal Opportunities and Welfare Sabbatical. Since the non-sabbatical executive members lost the office they held last year to the newly appointed General Manager of the SU. there will be a need for another room, especially since it had become more and more difficult to book a room at peak times during the week. Van Hulten has suggested
¦

the Beaver Office and a teaching room on the first floor of the East Building, as ideal location for these offices.
Since there is a lack of disabled access in the St.
Philip's building.which make it unsuitable for the any of the Union's facilities. Van Hulten hopes that some of the rooms in the King's Chambers area can be obtained, for the SU.
The Students' Union's hard pressed services. From left to right. The Cafe, the Union Shop, and the Print Room — all are in need of extra space. Photos: Thorsten Moos
Negotiations with the School's Facilities Manager. Michael Arthur, are under way and the first results are expected after February Hie 13th.
Task Force prioritises welfare
By Adrian May
The recommendations of the Review Group on Student Hardship were published on Thursday morning. following the final meeting of the group that has become known as the Task Force.'
In financial terms the recommendations represent a commitment by the school of £45.000 this year. Of that figure £15.260 is allocated to the Students' Union Welfare budget: £7,200 for another BLPES Librarian, and possibly up to £15,000 for modifications to the School cloakroom.
Student Hardship features strongly in the group's recommendations, with plans for a letter writing
campaign targeted at prospective parliamentary candidates. The School will also be discussing the issue of delayed grant cheques and fee payments from local education authorities with the Government. The Centenary Appeal will place special emphasis on the Studentship fund, and the School has agreed to hold overseas fees to a reasonable level. Opportunities for work in the Library and cloakroom will be expanded and created respectively, whilst debt management workshops will be introduced.
The Group endorses the Students' Union plan to appoint a fourth Welfare Sabbatical, as well as suggesting a group to oversee
welfare support services and funds in the School. A "Student Welfare and Services' handbook has also been proposed. Student security was clearly a source of concern for the Task Force amd they have recommended self-defense classes and a Hall-School minibus service, both of which they believe should be funded by the School.
The Library was a cause of student discontent last term, and as a result the group has proposed an additional Librarian, and a faster system of depositing bags in the cloakroom. The Director of Site Development and Services. Michael Coops, is looking into either a system of lockers or racks with chains for securing bags. For those stay-
ing for longer periods. service at the cloakroom counter will be speeded up with the employment of student workers at peak periods. The Libraty management have been instructed to look into ways of extending opening hours, whilst they will be launching a campaign in cooperation with the Students Union to reduce book damage.
The question of overcrowding in the most popular lectures was also considered. with a plan to use closed-circuit IV in adjoining rooms, where overcrowding was a problem. Video recording of lectures for showing at other times, and the hiring of lecture theatres at the Royal College of Surgeons has also
been pro{X)sed.
Student parents and other interested parties made a particular feature of the Nursery at the Emergency meeting that resulted in the setting up of the Task Force. The group has proposed abolishing charges for children who are absent through illness or on holiday. and will be looking into an easing of the current strict council regulations on staffing levels.
Whilst Michiel van Hulten. Students' Union General Secretary, and Joint Chair of the Review Group said that he was 'delighted' with the recommendations, members of the Left Society. who campaigned for an occupation of Con-naught House, were inclined to disagree. "I think
we could have achieved more through occupation." said Claire King. "TTie recommendations are about as wishy-washy as can be expected."
Founder member of the Left Society. Dominique De-Light describes the proposals as an exercise in "damage limitation, with very little direct action." Whilst she points out that the increase in the Students Union grant is good, she warns that, "we are not going to leave it at that."
The proposals now have to go before the Standing Committee of the Court of Governors before they can be accepted and adopted.
	Ashv^orth	Does someone	The forgotten	Neil and Ron	Another chance
	plans to turn	love you enough	legacy of	take an excellent	to see some
	LSE into a	to send you a	Afghanistan is	adventure into	stunning action
	graduate school	Valentine?	explored	the '70s	photos by Steve
	in 9{eu>s	in Campus	in 'J^eatures	in 9/Cusic	in Sports
	page 2	page 4	page 8	pages 12-13	page 15

The. 'Beaver, 10th February, 1992
Commentary_
Union Jacli
Love (Bites
In keeping with the spirit of the week, the UGM held its own "Luv In" last Thursday, but for the most part the love being shared was of the narcissistic variety. What a shame one can't send oneself a Valentine's card. But Jack digresses.
As the previous UGM was found inquorate before anything or importance (ifyou could call it that) was accomplished, Simon allowed Thursday's attendees to vote on the only motion discussed the time before.
Luckily, apathy's arrows were not as biting as Cupid's, at least at the beginning of the meeting, so there were enough to vote on whether to hold a 24-hour occupation of Connaught House on 11 February. Apparently it failed because it wasn't a Luv-ln activity; Jack has the feeling that maybe some amount of co-operation would have made it more interesting.
With that settled and minutes ratified, this week's meeting could commence. Let the party begin!
In his announcement. Michiel said the Task Force had added £45,000 to the amount already budgeted for student hardship this year and £15,000+ added to help the Welfare Office. Jack knows the Rag Ball is expensive, but certainly the union could come up with other ways of financing Fiona's cake.
Following that, Toby announced changes to the Athletic Union's constitution, which were ratified to allow for the establishment of an AU Sabbatical.
It was then Fiona's turn to play to the audience, announcing a Sol promotion in the Underground and, presumably, the chance for everyone to buy her a drink.
She also announced that the Debating Society will be discussing, in honour of Valentine's Day, THB that love is the root of all evil. Poor Ron must not have realised hearts day was so rapidly approaching. but supposedly he never gets any cards anyway. Jack thinks such a motion should be considered; that would certainly be a good use of that extra £45.000. or at least part of it.
Next came the always popular question time, with three going to Michiel ^one. Jack gets the feeling that marching up and down the steps to the stage is the only exercise he gets all week, but then, marching will undoubtedly be second nature to him next year.
The ever-smiling Ian Prince, after mentally tossing about the motion of censure that will be discussed next week, claimed, in response to another question, that he was indeed adept at using paper and pen. and that he had indeed advertised the UGM that week. So, those were the scribbled posters everyone else was covering with their own this morning; now Jack understands!
After ^1 this came the major events, mostly a large number of unpassed requests for suspensions of standing orders. These included what would have been discussion of the possibility of divesting from the state of Israel, the possibility of having Director Ashworth write yet another letter about student poverty, the possibility of doing something Jack doesn't quite understand about the Anti-Nazi league, and Jack's favourite non-passed request for suspension of standing orders, one which could have meant the shaving the Dutch General (Secretary)'s head at this week's UGM.
What was discussed was the waste of union money on Jack's favourite rag. But a very interested and some might say favourably infiuenced senior treasurer made an impassioned speech supporting The Beaver and denouncing the motion (which failed) as unconstitutional. Jack was so proud!
Besides, according to the "resident" of No. 11 Downing St., the only reason Adrian was opposed to the uses a certain general secretary puts to the Beaver is that it prevents him from doing the same. Talk about a self-styled luv-in!
The meeting was not a complete waste, as one motion was actually discussed and passed, but as its proponents said, it wasn't that controversial anyway.
And, like last week, the pangs of apathy's arrows did hit home, and Jack, Cupid and the most of the rest of the UGM left entirely unsatisfied. But then, that's what this week is for, isn't it. Happy Heart's Day, everyone!
The changing face of European security
By Julian Sykes
LastTuesday evening the LSE welcomed Dr Willem van Eekelen, Secretary General of the Western Eurojjean Union. He was speaking on the security of Europe after Maastricht and Alma Ata, at the invitation of the Students' Union. The Western European Union (WEU) is an organisation concerned with Europ>ean security which has developed in parallel with the European Community. Despite it often having been described as a dormant organisation, the WEU has recently been accepted as an important element in the development of a common European Security policy, especially in the light of rapidly changing international circumstances. The
WEU was originally set up as a European attempt to help itself in response to huge American aid in the Marshall plan during the early ix)st-war period. In the 1960's, after de Gaulle's veto on the British application to Join the European Community, the WEU acted as an important bridge between the EC and the British. However, after British entry into the EC in 1973, the WEU,became dormant and it was not until the mid 1980's, when attempts were made to increase the role that Europe played in its own security, that the WEU became important again.
Van E^elen described how the recent changes in
Secretary General discusses security problems in an
the former Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, coupled with increased European economic and political cooperation, have called into question the security arrangements of the last 40 years. However, he feels that the scenario of a massive surprise attack now seems much more unlikely. The emohasis. he explained, has now shifted away from collective defence to intervention, as in the Kurdish crisis. The Secretary General conceded that the leadership role of the US in transatlantic relations is coming to an end, but felt that this relationship still requires careful handling, especially during the transition period, when new relationships are being decided.
Europe must and is taking more control of its own security, Van Eekelen stressed. He cited an area
The London School of Graduates?
By Madeline Gwyon
Director, John Ashworth last week announced plans to turn LSE into a graduate school along the lines of Harvard.
His ideas follow the government's attempts to produce a stratified system to the present collection of universities and polytechnics. Such divisions recommended by the Advisory Board for the Research council in their 1985 report called for a "T.R.X" system. T" establishments would be for teaching. "X" for part teaching and part research. and "R" for research alone. The first two types are simple enough to identify along the lines of the present universities and polytechnics. Ashworth's ideas seem to come in response to the desire by the government to create a purely research set of establishments.
He believes that such
an institution will resemble the American graduate schools, such as Harvard and suggests that the LSE does not have far to go to achieve the same status. Already, this college has one of the highest ratios of graduates to undergraduates in the British higher education system. At present. 40 percent of LSE students are graduates.as opposed to 60 percent of Harvard students.
Ashworth's arguments for developing along these lines tie in with his ambition to acquire County Hall for the college.He claims that:
The School's premises are cramped, crowded and desperately in need on refurbishment. County Hall has been lying unoccupied for years and needs to find a use that would do justice to its position and presence. What more logical than that the two needs should be satisfied simultaneously?"
of inclusion as being the verification of arms control treaties. Recently verification teams, which usually only consist of a single nationality, have begun to become a European team with members from several EC countries. The WEU has also established a satellite verification centre in Spain.
The agreement reached at Maastricht means that there are now forces directly answerable to WEU. To facilitate the planning of such forces a military authority has been set up which has regular meetings with NATO defence staff. According to Van Eekelen, Maastricht pointed the way forward to a common defence policy, even though it was agreed that the time was not yet right. The WEU is the body that will elaborate this pol-
expanding Eiirope.
Photo: Steve East
icy. He sees the development of European security structures as being necessary, given the economic, political and monetary convergence, and collaboration during the 1980's.
The extent to which a common security policy is compatible with EC enlargement, especially as far as Sweden, Finland and Switzerland are concerned, was addressed by Van Eekelen. He felt that the meaning of 'neutrality" in a European setting has changed now that it has become difllcult to identify the enemy. These countries would remain neutral in a conflict between two European democracies but, he went on to say, if the EC was attacked they would not remain neutral and would defend Europe with its partners.
Parents agree to top up fees
By Madeline Gwyon
According to a poll published by university Vice-Chancellors last week, most parents would be prepared to pay more than £1,000 per year towards their chil-drens' higher education.
The poll, conducted by Mori, gives results that have run contrary to the common sentiments expressed over the last two years when the top-up fees debate has been mentioned.
Forty percent of those interviewed by Mori were prepared to pay extra fees to help cover the costs of the universities. The majority of these people were earning in excess of £15.500 per year. Some even commented that they would be prepared to pay as much as £5.000 towards the education of their children each year.
These findings seem to have put universities at odds with the government, as many of the enclosed findings were immediately contested by lecturers throughout the country.
The Conference of University Professors did welcome the research that had been carried out but urged that the firldings be treated with caution. Chairman, Professor Brooke Benjamin said, "A great many families could not afford £1,000 a year."
At a time when a number of students do not receive the entire parental contribution to which they are entitled, this has come as a shock to the academic establishment. The results have also provoked fears that higher education will once again become the bastion of the wealthy, with students from lower income families deprived of the opportunity to obtain a degree.
Perhaps some cost restrictions were voiced when, out of the four thousand people questioned, forty-four percent thought that students should attend local universities at home. Most believed that the majority of investment needed in higher education was for better job training.
EMONSTRATION
FUND THE
rTTrrr
END OUR
Wednesday 12 February
Assemble 11am Houghton Street March 12.30pm Battersea Park Rally 2.30pm Hyde Park Coach tickets; £1 (refundable on the day), from Students' Union reception.
LSE STUDENTS' UNION NATIONAL UNION OF STUDENTS
icmf'Pus
The 'Beaver, lOtH JeBruary, 1992
"ECsie's "Ents
Dear Reader,
There is a sad injustice going on underyour very noses, your favorite LSE party girl, me, is suffering at the hands of the miserable upper echelons of the Beaver, who are usurping my column with the silly classified shit at the end. I know it's awful, but moaning to me won't do any good. Criminal insanity is a problem, but there's not much your average lowly columnist like me can do about it, now, is there? Letters on a postcard with a fifty pence piece in aid of RAG to the Beaver office.
Now wasn't that a neat little lead in line, from my complaint to RAG week in one fell swoop of the word-processor. For if you didn't know.Avhich you better bloody well do by now because I'm getting pissed off with telling you about it, this week is RAG week. You're average LSE student gets as enthusiastic about RAG week as a Millwall supporter about the inter-dynamics of the Super-string theory of Quantum Mechanics, so 1 will now bang it into your heads for the next few lines.
RAG WEEK RAG WEEK RAG WEEK
Over the next week, until the 23rd. of Feb, the poor RAG chair will be prancing around Houghton Street madly trying to attract your attention and money into his coffers so that we can make RAG a success. Now he's a nice boy, in fact I know him intimately as we once had a fling, so do help him out, there's a Treasure Hunt on the WED and THUR and Blind Date on the FRI with lots of other things like red rose deliveries, gnoming, absailing, hug squadding, and street collecting going on all through the week.
The main thrust of the event is the Rag Ball on the 22nd of Feb at the Waldorf; many people have moaned about the price —okay so it's expensive — but at least the money is going to help others and not into the hands of some greedy capitalistic bastard.
Enough of RAG now, I thought as we've elections coming up soon 1 would help to put our uniquely complicated electoral system into perspective by plagiarizing from the BEIA'X^R of FEB 26th. 1980, the election special of that year, the first that the new system was adopted.
"STV works on the simple principle that the fewer the people who understand the way that elections are run, the better. This prevents union hacks from rigging the ballot because they don't understand how to count it. All you have to do is put you r votes in order of preference. It;s not too difficult, if the Sun can use it in their completions, in must be within the capacity of at least 40% of LSE's academic elite. After that, you can trust the people counting to reveal the General Will."
They then include the quiz below, for Julian Ingram, read Michiel VanHulten, for Liberals, read DSG, for Geoffrey Howe read Geoffrey Howe, and for dyslexics don't read at all.
l.STV standsfor?a. Scottish TV b. Shocking transvestites c. Save the Vatican.
2.	Who benefits from STV? a. The Liberals b. The Liberals c. The Liberals.
3.	STV is good because? a. It is democratic b. It protects minorities c. The Liberals will win.
4.	Who said "L'ETATC'ESTMOI?" a. Charles De Gaulle b. Robespierre c. Louis XTV d. Julian Ingram (in translation).
5.	Who is the present Gen Sec of the SU? a. Josef Djugashvili b. Guru Maharaj Ji c. Ralf Dahrendorf d. Geoffrey Howe.
Finally complete the following phrase in not less than 12,000 words. "I like STV because......"
With that bit of history off my chest I think it's back to the Underground, the Tuns and Saunders bar to get exceptionally sozzled.
To my Chumbla Choochie:
I love you, truly I do! Yours forever,
Jumba Ba Ba. XXX
To: QeneToCCy Se-Ky OvCicfiieC I zvatcfifrom tfie 'BaCcony 'Every Thursday a must 9^y thighs fitted luith Conging I imagine your thrust —Jour Secretariat Sweetie

Wuff,
I can't
wait to
spend
another
dirty
weekend
away
with
you! I
love
you.
Wabbit
To: the Justice of the Peace Our nights are so cold and so creamy. Your eyes are so blue and so dreamy. With my electric blanket I don't need to wank It And that's why my windows are steamy. Love: Burger King
MQB —
When? Greyhaired of Balham
^o6y 'Deavj ^fum(Q for Being so 'WoncCerfuC! ^CoocCy 'dC I miss yoU;
and I can't zuait for VaCentine's (Day! Love you!
0\{onica
Lou — Don"! worry, I won't say it in print. You'll be embarrassed enough already. Also, all the other messages here seem to be dirty ones, so maybe it would be out of place.
Love, Justin XXX
9v[onique...
toi -pour toujours. ^ons 'Baisers/
Iresorier
Lisa Murray:
I thirst for the juice of your body and soul — if we stay in each other's life forever, boredom will never haunt us. I love you!
'Mr University' Competition
Friday 14th Februaiy
By THE WORD'
T.V.'s top show is looking for *the sexiest piece of Campus crumpet in the history of the world* If you think you're the man, contact them on 071-538-3828 by the 12th Februaiy.
nUe 'Beaver, lOtfi !Fe6nuiry, 1992

Busy Beaver
Valentine's Heartbreak Special
It's that time of the year when WH Smith, Athena, and card-sellers everywhere smile with glee, Inter-Flora can't help chuckling to themselves, and Thornton's positively jump up and down with joy. Yes, Valentine's Day is almost upon us. It's that day when people wander around pretending that it really doesn't bother them that they didn't receive a single card. Th^ say things like, "I didn't send any. it's all too commercialistic for me," when in fact they have single-handedly boosted the Royal Mail's profits by 20%. So. Busy Beaver, who is a self-confessed romantic at heart, can't help but jump on the Valentine's bandwagon.
Let's kick-off this "Luv In' special with who's not seeing whom anymore. Alas, Rip van Winkle and 'an-amda' are no more. The chat-up line of 'General Secretaries do it at the UGM' must have lost some of its magic. Of course. Chancellor Tubby and the Former First Lady of the Beaver have said their goodbyes. But Tubby, who one can never accuse of being too slow, has already grabbed himself another Beaver (anybody who thinks that this is a sexual innuendo is sick, sick, sick...). But what really brings a tear to BB's eye is hearing that Big Bob and the Roseberry Rose have parted company. Oh well, just think of the money you will save on February 14 th.
Now, far be it from me to say anything bad about the Mad Queen Beaver, but BB does get the impression that she is becoming a bit desperate. Giving points to any team in the Rag Treasure Hunt who bring her flowers is starting to scrape the barrel. On the subject of the Treasure Hunt, what a fantastic turn-out last Tuesday night. A grand total of two teams entered. In the end they had to postpone it until this week. President Brownie of the AU was heard to tell the Rag Chair. "How about this for an idea...next time you organise a treasure hunt, now this may seem a little drastic, but why don't you actually tell people about it....?" You can't argue with Brownie logic.
So, who has been roman-
tic lately? Well, the American Beaver and Chancellor Tubby (who is BB's tip for next General Secretaiy, but 1 digress) seem to think that they are now married under English Common Law. Basically, if you propose and then prod you are deemed to be wed. I guess it cuts out all the hassles about who is going to be best man, maid of honour, should the bride wear white...
When BB asked the American Beaver what attracted her to l\ibby. she replied that it was the dead mouse in his bathroom that swung it for her in the end.
It being Valentine's week, BB can't resist doing a little match-making, especially as the girl in question expressly forbid me from doing so. A certain nigby
player whose name may contain the letters 'aJson' is rather liked by a certain girl who angrily denies that she is a psychotic nymphomaniac. BB daren't say anymore and is already considering going into hiding for a couple of years.
McMuffin continues to remind us that she is the prime contender for the 'sabbatical-we'd-most-like-to-put-in-a-straight-jacket' award. Count McMuflin was seen biting MQB's neck... Why? She was also spotted playing Pass the Extra Strong Mint with President Brownie in the Underground. For those unfortunate souls who don't know the rules to this game, it involves passing a mint from one person's mouth to another person's mouth without handling
the mint (get the picture). The piece de resistance of the game was when two mints were passed simultaneously in opposite directions between the forementioned mouths.
Finally, howwouldyou most like to spend Valentine's weekend? The SU Women's Officer has opted for a romantic weekend in Paris...with the rugby team.
Goodbye special lovers. Remember to always take precautions (drinking about flfteen pints is the most effective protection). Ix)ve always.
B.B.
Sod Off
Brian Shorfist moans... and moans... and moans...
O.K., I'm pissed off, and pressed the 'emergency cuse for a human being,	whetheryouwantmetoor
had enough in general. I stop' button because he'd there's no way you could	not. Firstly, The Under-
haven't been veiy well this just come out of a lecture open this door without	ground. It'sakually a really
week, which isn't very sur- on 7-dimensional mathe- breaking both arms or col-	good move to open up a
prising as lots of other matics (which he can't even lapsing In an exhausted	new bar to help the over-
people have been complain- work out how it exits) and heap!"....easy mistake to	crowded Tuns. 'Great'. I
ingofa little irritaUon going has promptly decided to make, but none the less,	thought because there ^e
round between them re- tiy and trap his lecturer fundamentally wrong. So.	currently 3 hours a day
cently-butyou can't blame between floors as he can't I did the only non-sexist	when bars can legally open,
her. she is the Social Sec- find anything better to do. thing I could think of and	and the Tuns doesn't and
retary. So. I'm going to and I end up as the victim let the door go. and she	hence I feel aggrieved for
moan, be unreasonable -typical. quicklyshowedmethatshe	there Is nowhere to go be-
and make public knowl- And don't think you can could also stop doors from	tween 11-12 and 3-5 if
edge all ofthe things which stop reading this because I hitting her in the face, as	you've just spent 20 min-
have got to me - and you'd haven't even started yet. I well as open them	utes walking down from the
better not complain be- also want to complain Another thing which has	Brunch Bowl and in need
cause if I want to act like a about the female for whom bothered me far more than	of a pint. 'Great'. I thought
woman for a while. I have I held open a door last week, it should have is the groups	again now there will be
every right to. (By the way, I walked through and she of people who walk from	somewhere to go. But The
that was ajoke so don't get was a few paces behind the Brunch Bowl to the	Underground is shut for 3
unreasonable and moan me, so I waited and held ground floor while taking	hours a day when bars can
about it.) the door for her so that she up all of the stairs, walking	legally open. Canyou guess
The first point to be con- could walk through. Now at an Infuriatingly slow	which 3 hours they are. Go
sidered is why on earth did normally, when I do this pace, and talking very	on, guess. You're right
they get rid of the continu- for a member of either sex loudly about something of	congratulations, have a
ous moving lift from out- I would receive a "thanks" which you know nothing	pintaslongas it isn't 11-12
side the Tuns. It had a lot or a "cheers", and I would and is also incredibly bor-	or 3-5. There's probably a
of character and was great reply similarly for anyone ing. They're military	really good explanation for
fun to get into as it was still who did this for me, I might trained, of course. They	why it's worked out like
.....well maybe not even get some recognition must be to maintain that	this, but I thought I'd moan
great fun, but mildly amus- for the fact that as it was perfect uniform walking	about it anyway.
ing in a nothing else to do less effort for me than it pace in unison with a tight	And finally, girls. I can't and I've just had a lecture would have been for her to defensive formation, which	work it out, but they just about 7-dimensional cal- open the door I had just wouldn't even allow a piece	don't seem to like me. I try cuius, which I don t think minimised ourjointdisutil- ofA4 through, and they are	my best and put on my best even exists, and there isn't ity function, hence benefit- constantly adjusting to	shirt and sometimes even a lot else to do anyway kind ting social welfare, but I keep up maximum protec-	wear deodorant, but they of way. Apart from that it didn't get any of this. The tion as I hover around their	are just not interested in was one ofthe parts of LSE woman stopped in her back searching for a chink	me. One of them told me which was a bit distinctive, tracks, stared at me,-and in the armour. What gets	the other day that my proband hence should never stated coldly "I can open me about these people is	lem is that I analyze things have gone. While I'm on doors for myself, you that just because an irate	too much. NowI've thought
the subject, why did we know." Now, 1 think she 3rdyear shouts "GET OUT a lot about this......Oh shit
ever have those stupid must have fundamentally OF TOE WAY YOU IRW-	And before you go off and
continuous lifts in the first misunderstood what I was TATING, SLIMY, SLOW-	do something like enjoying
place? They were slow- doing. I was saying some- MOVING MASS TURD",	yourself, just remember
moving and downright thing like "You can walk they get all annoyed and	that if you've had a bad
dangerous. It took about through the door more start muttering things be-	week, then at least no-one
three hours to get up to the easily this way. and I don't tween themselves about	has just pointed out to you
top floor (and thats from mind waiting an extra 'some people' and 'fri-	that your name is an ana-
the floor below) and it was couple of seconds", endless gits', and there's	gram for'Shit for brains',
all too easy to get stuck whereas she must have just no call for it.	Have a nice day.
completely for 20 minutes thought it was more like There are a couple of as the lift went round the "Oh my God you feeble, other things at the moment bottom bit by some git who weak, female pathetic ex- which I'm going to say
Big Brother
Adrian May gets neurotic just because he thinks he's going to die
Have you ever wondered if there was a Big Brother character here at the LSE? You know, cameras behind the mirrors in the lifts, and that sort of thing. When I first arrived here I thought that the encoded Library cards were used to tell our tutors how often we went in the Library and they had access to records showing how many books we borrowed.
The reason I ask is that last week I did have cause to believe that someone had it in for me, perhaps the ghost of Lionel Rob-bins. You see the previous week I wrote an article in the Beaver about the Library ceilings falling down. And so it was with some concern that I was told one morning that the book I had returned to the drop box the previous evening had not been recorded by the Library as returned.
This got my neurotic mind working overtime. Things got worse as my perspiring and shaking body incorrectly entered my Library number into Libertas. I didn't know that I had put the number in wrong, and so I instantly thought that my records had been deleted, prior to my own impending deletion.
Was this a plot by the Library to teach me not to write any more articles that might effect its unique and unquestionable popularity as LSE's
favourite in between lectures SfX)t?
Throughout the two hour lecture that followed my discovery 1 had visions of being crushed in one of those moving shelves in the bowels of the Library, my wafer thin remains not being found for weeks, or entire blocks of bookshelves falling on me. Heaven forbid, part of the ceiling might even collapse on me!
My fears were not exactly calmed when one of my Beaver colleagues told me the story of a Campus contributor who wrote a piece about 10 ways of foiling Library security, only to have been threatened by a Library porter a few hours after its publication. Apparently the porter took exception to some of the methods!
Really I want to set the record straight Big Bro. I'll use the rest of this column to say how helpful the librarians were when they were confronted by a neurotic and seemingly irrational customer that morning. The book turned up two days later as luck would have it. Two days and a sleepless night in between....just long enough for me to consider what nice people the Library stafl" are and how safe the Library building is. Heh, its such a nice place I'm going to spend the rest of term in there, concrete rain or not!
eoPMio^
The (Beaver, lOtfi February, 1992
Ifie (Beaver
Last week, it was the imagination-grabbing headline ofThe Sun that got eveiybody talking about the elections. PADDY PANTSDOWN, it said, in letters large enough for anyone with a lack of subtlety to comprehend quite fully. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, this promise of unlimited sex scandals involving the leader of the Liberal Democrats, turned out merely to involve a brief fling with his secretaiy five years ago.
The fact that someone had to steal documents containing such personal information from the safe in his solicitor's office is the only newsworthy part of the whole affair (excuse the pun).It seems that the British are now becoming as hysterical as the Americans about this whole business. Most of the voting public have affairs at some point or other in their lives. Why should the private antics of a public figure therefore determine his worthiness as a potential leader of the nation. I would be more concerned if such a man had led a monk-life existence. Revelations of alTairs in the national press only show that he is capable of human tendencies.
The whole incident is absurd. On a day when a shoot out in a betting shop in Northem Ireland caused the loss of five lives needlessly, Newsnight used the majority of their air time to talk to the Bishop whose diocese covers Ashdown's constituency rather than consider the repercussions of other more serious items of news. It is true that the same programme drew attention to the industrial problems of Germany and the potential repercussions this might have on Britain, but this hardly equates to a series of discussions about the Issues of the world.
However, congratulations are in order for the Financial Times for being the only paper with sufficient clout to give the Ashdown story the coverage it deserved: one column at the side of the front page as opposed to a third of the newspaper in the case of the daily Mirror.
Executive Editor Managing Editor News Editors
Campus Editors
Features Editor Arts Editors
Music Editor Sports Editors
Photographic Editor Financial Director Production Assistant
Madeline Gwyon Monica C. Neal Emma Bearcroft Adrian May Simon Bradbeny Paul Carm Paul Bou Habib Ben Accam Navin Reddy Neil Andrews Andrew Cox Andrew Pettitt Steve East T. James Brown P Andrew Nugent
Staff: George Binette, Thomas Cohrs, Sarah Eglin, FrankEich, Patrick Eyre, JohnFenton-Fischer, Nick Fletcher, Gavin Gilham, Leo Griffin, Peter Harrad, Daniel Harris, Justin Harper, Becky Hartnup, Rob Hick, Eduardo Jauregui, Thomas Jepsen, Sahr Johnny, Toby Johnson, Scott Kelly, Joe Lavin, Martin Lewis, Fiona MacDonald, Stavros Makris, Pemilla Malmfalt, Brett Melzer, Thorsten Moos, Paul Nugent, Sarah Owen, Rodrigo Pizarro, David Price, Ian Prince, Zaffar Rashid, Laurence Ryan, Adam C. Ryder, Bella Sleeman, Michiel van Hulten, Ron Voce, Stuart Wilkes, Faz Zahir.
Printed by Eastway Offset,
3-13 Hepscott Road, London, E9
Set the Record Straight
Vassos Vassiliou and Faz Zahir wrote two articles on the Cyprus question, each from a personal point of view, and both published on the 27th Januaiy. On both articles, I have to make the following comments.
First of all, 1 am disappointed that both authors failed to mention the basic cause of the problem -nationalism - and remained in a language very common in the diplomatic level between the two communities. Cyprus is not at all a typical example of a nation state. Before 1974, its population was eighty {percent Greek-Cypriots, eighteen percent liirkish-Cyp-riots and two percent Armenians and Lebanese Christian Maronites. The total population numbers almost 600,000 people. Nowadays, 200,000 Greek Cypriots are still refugees following the Turkish invasion of 1974 and 24,000 lYirkish Cypriots out of a total of 100,000 have been forced to emigrate due to the economic difliculties provoked by the Turkish occupation. 55,000 Turkish settlers emigrated from Turkey to the northern (occupied) part of the island and still 30,000Turkish troops remain in Cyprus without legal covering. (These figures gave been obtained from unofficial UNHCR calculations refering to the period 1974-1987 and from the IISS Military Balance, 1991.)
Secondly, the rise of nationalistic ideals which had been cultivated by Greek and Turkish governments during the 1950's, and the actions of extremist nationalistic groups from both sides, divided the population of the island and undermined the efforts for the development of a welfare state for all Cypriots. The events to which Faz Zahir refers are not very clear (both sides offer their own version of them) and have never come under serious Investigation, especially because such an investigation would reveal the direct Interference of outside powers - notably the United States, Britain, Greece and Turkey.
Thirdly, what the outside powers never liked was the intention of the Cypriot leadership to turn Cyprus into a united, independent and non-alligned state instead of joining NATO. This prospect infuriated the British and the Americans (who, during the I960's were unable to distinguish between non-alligned and Communist/WTO states). It also infuriated the Greek government, which wanted the unification of Cyprus with Greece because of the eighty percent greek-speaking population and because all of the Greek governments after the end of the Greek civil war were seeking a nationalistic ideal which could heal the scourges caused by the civil war. The
Turkish government was also opfxjsed as it could not afford a "Greek protectorate" in the eastern Mediterranean. Originally, there were guarantees that Cyprus would not become a Greek protectorate as the majority of the Cypriot community never approved such a prospect. They could benefit more if they remained independent.
Fourthly, as Cyprus became the disputed area between two external powers which both had the right to interfere there under certain conditions, and with great Power arbitrators in the area (the US and Britain), there was only one obvious outcome. On July 15th 1974,TheGreek dictatorial regime organised a coup d'etat, seeking to overthrow the legitimate president of Cyprus and to impose a puppet govem-ment which would declare the unification with the "motherland". This was the only way for the greek dictators to keep themselves in ix)wer. On the other side, four days later, the Turkish government sent their army to the island implementing a certain provision of the Treaty of guarantee (which named the UK, Turkey and Greece as guarantors of the integrity and security of the Cypriot state). This action would have been completely legitimate if the Turkish troops had withdrawn af-
ter the reinstation of the legitimate regime in Cyprus. Instead, Turkey tried to do what the Greek governments since the 1960's had already tried: to occupy part of the Island and step by step to unite this part with the "motherland" (here, Turkey). That is, to annex it - an act which is illegal according to international law.
From everything that has been mentioned above, only one conclusion can be drawn: "Motherlands" and "great Ideals" can only divide peoples all over the world in the name of nations. Moreover, they lead to poverty, misery and war (as happened in Cyprus and as is now occuring in Yugoslavia).
Having set the record straight, 1 would expect both writers to now put aside the past which may divide the people of Cyprus and find what can unite the younger generations in CjTDrus, no matter which language they speak and which religion they follow. This is the only way to achieve a peaceful and creative future for their country and themselves, as the Cyprus question cannot be solved on nationalistic grounds, or without the wlthdrawl of all foreign troops from the island, and the deployment of UN troops in the areas presently occupied no by the Turks.
G. Yiannitsiotis
Post Haste
Letters due to E197, by hand or internal mail, by 4pin Wednesday
Ode to Madeline
Dear Madeline,
I always wondered why they called you the Mad Queen Beaver, then I picked up the Beaver for the first time this year, read Union Hack (sorry, Union Jack) and understood why: you have Mad Cow Disease.
Well, Daisy (sorry, Madeline), I am reliably Informed by Beaver sources that your ambition is to be a topless reporter for Sunday Sport. This explains partly, along with your incurable affliction, why you write such crap, omitting the small matter of the facts: the truth.
However, 1 suspect that when your readers read a news/semi-news story, they expect the facts.
Fact one:
I have never said to anybody that I would be standing for General Secretary, although I have been canvassed on my intentions.
Fact Two:
I am not standing for
the post of General Secretary.
Fact Three:
If I am such a joke candidate for the Student Union elections, then how is it that I was elected to the Court of Governors last term in the SU elections by cross-campus ballot? Since election, 1 have worked and continue to work to fulfill election promises. Just because the Beaver chooses only to report fictitious activities of the DSG's Laurel and Hardy, it does not mean that all other elected student representatives are doing nothing.
So, Daisy (sorry, Madeline), will you have the guts to publish my letter? 1 doubt it - at least not unless you do some creative edit ing and add your spelling mistakes (which you always attribute to the writer of the letter).
Why don't you just go back under the stone where you normally inhabit? [sic]
John Pannu
(Students Governor)
All for Charity
Dear Beaver,
I am writing in response to a letter last week from some "disappointed punters" that would let people eat cake. In fact, there is no cake being served as part of the four course meal at the Waldorf
Silver American Express
Cards are not an acceptable form of payment for the Rag Ball tickets. The tickets were priced in such a way as to cover the costs of the event AND to raise money for charities which provide support for areas of the community significantly worse off than most students (the homeless, children in Ethiopia, AIDS victims). May I also remind the writer that balls are inherently expensive to run as it is appropriate to hold them in venues that look less like an aircraft hangar than the Quad. By the way, try to get into an Oxford ball for less than £160 for a double ticket!
Students, supposedly Intelligent individuals, can make their own choices about where and how to spend money. If the disappointed punter wishes to buy a year's supply of Ragu, that is his choice.
I apologise that in this time of student apathy and poverty, the price of the Rag Ball appears to be too expensive, but there are many students who will "shell out" for the only ball the LSE holds during the academic term.
For those of you wanting to buy any of the few tickets still available, please see Fiona MacDonald in E206, or go to the SU reception in the lobby of the East Building, or the Rag stall which is usually in Houghton Street.
Fiona MacDonald
Social/Services Sec.
Neil gets told off
Dear Beaver,
A message for Boy Blunder (i.e. Neil Andrews who claims to edit the music pages).
1 refuse to have one of my favourite bands criticised by someone who admittedly claims to know little about jazz. Young Neil's friends had not been Invited to the opening of the Underground as it was a party specifically designed to thank all those in the School and the Union who had made the venue possible (not the History Department's students who are better at operating fire extinguishers than making intelligent comments).
Apologies from the band to Neil for not knowing "Teenage Lobotomy" by Gang of Four (obviously a song Neil relates to). Other old favourites, like "Blue Moon", were played at the request of the invited guests.
Anything else Neil? Take your misplaced teenage angst elsewhere.
Fiona MacDonald
Social and Services Secretary.
Tfie "Beaver, lOthfebnian), 1992
0(PI9\fI09\fS 7
REMEMBER THE LAST VALENTINE'S NIGHT IN THE CAFE?
Then bring your loved one to the best value meal in town.
Karma Soupra
Love Nest Bleedin' Heart
Glass of wine Cojfeeftea
Come and enjoy an intimate, private candle-lit dinner with waiter service.
Only £5.00 a head, advanced booking only. Please see Jean Claude in the SU Cafe.
OVERSEAS STUDENTS OFFICE HOURS
These are held on Mondays, 2-3pm., top floor of the Cafe SU representatives will be there to answer questions and help with matters concerning overseas students.
Please feel free to come and see us.
HELP!
Club Ceylon are holding a "bring-a-book" appeal on behalf of war victims. Please come to the stall in Houghton Street Wed to Fri this week and bring and old basic reading books, clothes, maths books (all levels), toys and pens/pencils etc.
PLEASE HELP THE CHILDREN AFFECTED BY WAR!
The History Society present:
"WAR AND PEACE IN YUGOSLAVIA"
Speaker: Dr. Mark Wheeler (SEAS) Thurs. 13th Feb, 6pm, A42. All welcome.
Does the Task Force have the Power?
Is the task force just something designed to keep students quiet, or does it really have the ability to change things for the better. Adrian May sat in on the Task Force meeting of 30 January.
Michiel van Hulten must be very pleased that he invited a reporter from The Beaver to witness the meeting of the Task Force on 30 January - notbecause there was any great performance on his part, but because the student he tried to remove from the task force two weeks earlier. Steve Prince, demonstrated with considerable ability why, according to some, he is totally unfit to serve on a committee of any kind, let alone act as a representative of others.
By providing a 'Cabaret' of hand clapping and dancing in the middle of the meeting, into which he added a generous helping of expletives, Steve Prince alledgedly destroyed any credibility that he potentially could have enjoyed with this committee, and perhaps more damagingly showed the student body to be divided on a topic that it is unlikely that any of us are divided on. that of student poverty.
Although Steve Prince must be prepared to accept everything written above, it would be unfair to suggest that his complaints are similarly outrageous. Mr Prince's outburst followed a half hour interview with the Director of Site Development and Services, Mr Michael Coops, who throughout the half hour questioning form the student representatives failed to promise anything of any value to students. This is not a criticism of Mr Coops, as there is in fact very little that he can do without appropriate funding from the school.
Following the intermission so graciously provided by Steve Prince the group Interviewed Dr Fender of the Health Service. In the
20 minutes that she sp)oke theTask Force was given a very clear indication of the effects of the worst cases of student poverty. No one
Sitting in on the meeting" one quickly gets the impression that with the exception of Steve Prince, the school representatives
The Review Group has rightly focused on presenting solid evidence to politicians, and thus deserves the support that it will shortly be asking the student body for
could fail to be moved by what she said, her words powerfully justifying taking steps to deal with poverty. But one has to ask what can they, a group of administrators and students at one university, hope to do about the national problem of student poverty, or lack of funding in the University system? What is the point of gathering a group together that by nature of its composition is only likely to make one set of recommendations - to increase student and university funding.
This is perhaps why Steve Prince and his colleagues in the Left Society are so upset. Michiel van Hulten, who has made working with the School administration a feature of his"'time in office, acknowlMges that the Review Group -is not the final solution to student problems. He took time to point out to me that the group was not one of his initiatives, but something that he was mandated to do by the Emergency meeting that took place in the last week of last term.
work well with the other student members (all three sabbaticals and Adrian Cattley), and it is a credit to them that they have used this opportunity well even if it may not be the best oppxsrtunity for students at this time.
The Students Union, in threatening to occupy Connaught House, have got the school to sit round a table where student representatives enjoy equal voting with stair, there being five of each on the group, which is unprecedented on school committees. In this sense it is a good chance to raise some of the issues, and hope to get something done.
However, hoping to get something done may be all it is in reality. There is much uncertainty in practice as to what fxjwers the group actually has. This uncertainty is shared by the General Secretary and I assume other student representatives j udging by the fact they spent the last part of the meeting asking the school staff members servicing the committee what
the exact procedure was. It emerged that the group is aiming to draw up a list of recommendations that will be forwarded to the standing Committee of the Court of Governors for their consideration.
With this arrangement it is quite pwssible for the school officers to agree to something in the review group on the assumption that it might serve to help students, only to recommend that it not be adopted on cost grounds by the standing committee. And let's face it the school really does not have a lot of money to throw around. The latest school accounts reveal a surplus of
157.000 in the 1999/91 financial year on a turnover of
40 million. Slim margins indeed - and margins that have been getting slimmer for some time.
Sensibly the school has been prudent enough to build its reserves to over £2 million, but it would ap-
fund. Last year the School allocated £6.8 million, or 16% of total expenditure to the premises budget. Once again another large figure that is alas reduced in its apparent size when one considers that some £4 millidn of this is consumed by phone bills, rates, rent, and ongoing maintenance.
A move to County Hall might help the situation in the long term, but this will probably mean that the Standing Committee will want to preserve this figure until they know the future with regards to the south bank site. The Buildings in Houghton Street will continue to get older, and not get any less thirsty for cash if we do stay.
Although the Chair of the meeting alternates between the Director and the General Secretary of the Students Union, it would appear that the school do have the upper hand in the Group, ifanything because they will have the opportunity to influence those who
The student issue at this election has extra special importance because more of us than normal will be first time voters.
pear unlikely for the school to consent to dipping into these. The Reserves after all have to be offset against loans of £7 million which are set to rise further as the second instalment on St Philips Hospital falls due.
Van Hulten has indicated that the cash ought to come from a reallocation of resources. largely to the detriment of the buildings
will act on the groups recommendations. It is worth noting that the student representatives have accepted a situation where the school officers draw up the provisional list of recommendations. Although these recommendations will be discussed with the student members, it will not be from a position of strength if draft proposals
are already on papier.
If the review group does not result in anything positive in the LSE in the short term, (there is every chance however that it might if the student representatives make a powerful and united case to the school), the review group is at least working on a plan to ensure that the facts are made known to the people that could make a difference.
In a campaign being masterminded by School Press OfTicer Iain Crawford, the Review Group will be writing to all parliamentary candidates with all the information, both factual and anecdotal, that the group has gathered. The letters will be accompanied by a high level press campaign. As Crawford points out, the student issue at this election has extra special Importance because more of us than normal will be first time voters, since it has been five years since the last election and not four. As if the plan needed a vote of confidence, Steve Prince appears to think that It is a good idea.
And indeed it is. Whatever the school can do it will be very much limited by restricted financial resources. The real answers lie in Westminster. Only the government will be able to improve the lot of higher education through increased funding to both Institutions and students. The Review Group has rightly focused on presenting solid evidence to p)oliti-cians, and thus deserves the support that it will shortly be asking the student body for. As far as LSE students are concerned, it is in this latter work that the Review Group has its greatest scope for change.

8 VES₯m'R'R<i__The 'Beaver, lOth February, 1992
Afghanistan: A Forgotten Country
Hans Gutbrot examines the future of this uncertain nation.
Afghanistan has never been In the headlines like South Africa or Israel. But it was one of the bloodiest wars of the last decade. It is a country which seems very distant in the mental map of the west.The conflict is so complicated that it has barely any newsvalue : there are no flashy headlines.
Three years after the Red Army left the country the communist party is still in power in Kabul. The government of Dr. Najibullah holds a little more than a dozen cities, less than ten percent of the land. The Mujaheddin, "fighters of the holy war of liberation", control the countryside and a few minor towns. The communist party has changed its name and dropped its ideology. The president in Kabul. Dr. Najibullah, director of the brutal KHAD-secret police until 1986, makes a point of appearing in mosques for Friday prayers. The seven main resistance parties, which are mainly located in Peshawar in Pakistan's North-West-Frontier-Province are divided and manipulated by Pakistan's secret service ISI. There are regular reports of infighting between different Mujaheddin groups in Afghanistan.
The third main force in Afghanistan are the field Mujaheddin commanders who have never left Afghan i -Stan and bear the brunt of the fighting. They were forced to affiliate themselves to a resistance party in order to obtain weapons and ammunition which were and still are distributed by the Pakistani ISI-secret service. The field commanders want to fight the Kabul-regime but are extremely suspicious about the plans of the resistance party leaders in exile. To them the party leaders seem extremely corrupt, living in expensive villas in University Town, one of the new and expensive suburbs of Peshawar. But even between individual field commanders there is sometimes rivalry, which leads to continous small conflicts and permanent insecurity destroying the hope of normalisation in the newly liberated territories. Only one of the liberated areas experienced some form of normalisation: in the sometimes referred to "Lion of Panshir" there exists some form of administration and security for the inhabitants. Precious stones are mined in the Panshir-region and subsequently transported on the backs of mules over the high passes of the Hin-dukush to Pakistan and from there to Europe and North America. The only serious threat to the in-

Afjghan warriors - what future for them?
habitants of this region of the "Northern Supervisory Council" remain the SCUD-Missiles of the Kabul-regime. which are regularly used against liberated cities deep in Mujaheddin territory. Warplanes, the other threat, must bomb from a high altitude in order to avoid anti-aircraft missiles supplied to the Mujaheddin by the CIA.
The thirteen years of war have devastated the country. Most villages are at least partially destroyed. The complicated and highly sophisticated irrigation systems have also mostly been destroyed. The ones that are left have often been mined to deny the farmers the use of the water supply. Mao said that a guerilla should be able to move among the people as a fish does in the water. The aim of the Red Army seems to have been to drain the water in order to get the fish. Bombing and indiscriminate dissemination of mines were used to make life impossible for the remaining rural population. This strategy has been termed "migratoey genocide" by the late Louis Dupree, one of the main Western experts on Afghanistan. Of a pre-war population of fourteen million, five million live in refugee camps in Pakistan and Iran. Another two million are "internal refugees" who had to leave their homes to settle in safer regions.
No one knows the exact numbers of deaths caused by the war, but a figure between 1 and 1.5 million is usually given. The war has affected every singe Afghan and most famillies have one or several "shaheeds" - as the martyrs of the Jehad, the "holy war of liberation" - are called. In spite of its talk of national reconcilliation, the government of Dr. Najibullah has continued the bom-'oardment of civilians, hospitals and even de-mining teams working for the United Nations have been
targeted by the airforce. TTie war that had started when a small group of communist and Soviet-trained officers took power in April 1978, drags on.
In 1978, there were only local uprisings in opposition to the social reform policies, such as the abolition of bride prices, the forceful attempts to eradicate illiteracy and the imposed changes in the land tenure system. Instead of interpreting the uprisings as a traditional way of expressing dissatis-faction with the central government, the government ofNurTaraki and Haffizullah Amin saw itself seriously threatened and proceeded to crack down brutally on the insurgents. The civil-war in Afghanistan had begun. Hafizullah Amin soon took over after murdering Nur Taraki and ruled the country so brutally that soon the whole population was up in arms against the central governent in Kabul. Eventually the Soviet Union decided to intervene. The exact reasons for the intervention are not known. Gorbachev	and Shevardnaze both claim that they were not allowed to take part in the relevant meetings as they both were only junior members of the Central Committee at the time. It is clear, however, that without the Soviet intervention at Christmas in 1979 the communist party in Kabul would very soon have been overthrown.
The Soviets realized that a change in government was necessary. Hallzullah Amin was murdered the night of the Soviet inter-
vention by KGB- troops dressed in Afghan uniforms. Immediately afterwards the more moderate Babrak Karmal was brought to power. The invasion of "infidels" made sure that the war turned
seriously violated the sovereignty 6f another country in pursuit of guerillas, even though Pakistan offered sanctuary, training and supplied^ weapons to the Mujaheddin. Red Army generals seem to have asked the poitical leadership for a multiplication of forces, but the Kremlin refused. At some time in 1986 the Mujaheddin started to use Stinger antiaircraft missiles supplied by the CIA and managed to shoot down over 200 aircraft in a little more than half a year. The days of Soviet air- superiority were over. It had become clear that the war could not be won without major effort-Major effort, on the other hand, would have tremendous international cost, so much so that Gorbachev finally decided to pull out.
Today, the prospects for Afganistan look bleak. Mines make a return of the refugees into a deadly lot-
in to a full-scale "Holy War". The Soviets had underestimated the courage and resilience of the Afghan population, which started opposing the might of the Red Army, even though they were many times inferior due to poor armament.
It is important to understand that the Red Army did not show the enthusiasm which the Americans displayed in Vietnam. The number of soldiers was never increased after 1979 and the Red Army never
tery. The victims, often young boys sent to guard grazing animals, have little chance of survival, even if they do survive the initial blast. The mines are usually designed to maim, not to kill, as wounded and screaming victims have a profound impact on the enemy's morale and will to fight. But it is hard to survive when one leg has been severed by the explosion and there is no medical treatment at hand. The United Nations High Commission for Refugees
(UNHCR) supports several mine clearing programs, but the progress is very slow. Manual clearing is extremely slow and dangerous but necessary as de-mining writh machines is almost impossible in a country without infrastructure. Even the best estimates - and those estimates assume that enough money will be available - predict that more than two decades wil be needed to clear the whole country.
Above all. Afghanistan needs peace. But peace seems very far away as there seems to be no one capable of bridging the divisions torn into the Afghan society by thirteen years of war. The former King Zahir Shah never involved himself actively with the resistance, preferring instead to live a comfortable and safe life in Italy. He is unacceptable to all those who have suffered in the last decade, even more so because the more islamist parties do not accept the idea of a monarchy.
Among the field commanders there are very few who could become national leaders. Ahmed Shah Mas-soud, a commander who has survived eight massive Soviet offensives, which attempted to eliminate him and his well- trained forces is probably the most capable leader in Afghanistan. But he belongs to an ethnic minority, the Tajiks, who are despised by the Pathans, traditionally the most powerful tribe in Afghanistan.
At the moment it seems unlikely that Afghanistan will ever find peace and stability. In the meantime the five million refugees in the camps wait for the chance to go home, while the support from the west dries up.
Afghanistan can serve as a source for several interesting observations : It is a lesson in how one superpower can effectively destroy a society and how attempts to counter the destruction are immediately hijacked by political ambitions, in this case the disastrous impact on the resistance of Pakistani plans. But the example of Afghanistan has even more to tell : how uninterseted the media is in wars that actually are a challenge to cover. As such it is proof of the distortion of the truth in our societies, a distortion which is due to very dubious circumstances and which may point yet again to a serious flaw in our society : that information provided to the electorate is dictated by the preferences of the media and not by the events themselves.
(Beaver, lOtk JcBruary, 1992	__T'Emni^TS 9
Israel's Traitor or a Man of Conscience?
Jamsheda Ahmad examines the case of Mordechai Vanunu, a man imprisoned for treason and espionage
On 30th September. 1986 a former Israeli technician was abducted by unknown agents probably working for the Israeli government from Rome, and taken chained In a pitch-black room on board a ship to Israel. He was then put on "trial" on charges of treason, aggravated espion-nage, and intent to impair the security of the state. He was sentenced to 18 years in solitary confinement. His crime was having provided information to the Sunday limes newspaper on the extent of Israel's nuclear arsenal, an issue which is shrouded in secrecy within Israel. The Israeli government hold that he is a traitor to his country: his family, friends and supporters believe that he is a man gaoled for acting on his conscience and for the public interest.
His name is Mordechai Vanunu. a name which may be vaguely familiar to those who follow events in the Middle East. Vanunu was lured across Europe by an alleged female agent of the Israeli secret services. He was bom into a Moroccan Jewish family in 1954 which emigrated to Israel in 1963.
He worked as a nuclear technician at the Atomic Research Reactor at Di-mona in the Negev Desert in southern Israel. Having studied philosophy in Australia he converted to Christianity.
It was also at this time that he met and """""" befriended
Peter Hounam, a Sunday Times Journalist who later worked on the "Insight" feature section in the newspaper. In September, 1986 Vanunu provided information on Israel's nuclear program to the Sunday Times, used the following month in a report which concluded that Israel was now the sixth most powerful country in terms of nuclear weapons in the world. By that time Vanunu had been abducted and was on his way to Israel to face charges
of treason.
But is Vanunu a spy and traitor or a man of conscience ? Is Israel justified -
in violating the territori^
sovereignty of another state (thereby contravening the Interna-tional Covenant of Civil and Political Rights which states in article 9, "No one should be subjected to arbitrary arrest or detention) and does Vanunu deserve to be
held in isola-	-
tion for 18
years with his mail censored, no access to the media and occasional visits by his family ? Writing from prison in early September, 1987, Vanunu said, "I have raised a prob-
made no Judgement on Israel's decision to try Vanunu but had protested
'Should not the real issue on trial be that of Israel's nuclear policy, not to mention the real possibility that other states in the Middle East are secretly arming themselves with nuclear weapons today or will do so in the future ?'
Before the trial Vanunu had spent 40 hours on the floor of a blacked out Israeli cell. He was then driven to the courtroom in a van with whitewashed windows, his head masked in a motorcycle helmet and a loud siren blaring to prevent him from shouting.
lem which should be dealt with. I did not invent the problem. It existe'3 but no one wanted to grapple with it. I did my duty, now others must follow in my path. 1 broke the taboo. Now the continuation will come and no one can prevent it."
The Israeli Minister of Justice said in a letter to Amnesty International that Vanunu's treatment was entirely consistent with that of other prisoners convicted of espinnage and treason. Amnesty had
at the conditions of the trial and his detention. Before the trial Vanunu had spent 40 hours on the floor of a blacked out Israeli cell. He was then driven to the courtroom in a van with whitewashed windows, his head masked in a motorcycle helmet and a loud siren blaring to prevent him from shouting. The actual courtroom was boarded up and the trial held
camera" with all members of the press excluded. Trials held "in camera" are usually held where a public hearing would, it is felt, defeat the ends ofjustice. Vanunu, however, was not a murderer, not a terrorist but a man who felt he was acting in the public interest.
The Israeli government did not acknowledge Vanunu's detention until the 9th November, during which he was interrogated and apparently had made a confession. He was found guilty under Article 99(a) and Articles 113(b) and (c)
In March, 1988 he was sentenced to 18 years in Ashkelon prison. In May, the follow-
- ingyear, the
Supreme Court upheld his conviction.
Following the detention, leading public figures such as Graham Greene, Harold Pinter, Bruce Kent (former head of CND) and Peter Benenson (founder of Amnesty Interna-
_ tional) have
raised their protest. One of issues
voices in the controversial was whether Vanunu had been put on trial for his ideology or whether, by converting to Christianity, he had consequently, in the words of the state prosecutor, "turned away from his family and his country." Was this the main reason behind his "treachery" ? And should not the real issue on trial be that of Israel's nuclear policy, not to mention the real possibility that other states in the Middle
East are se- _
cretly arming themselves with nuclear weapons today or will do so in the future ?
Shulamit Aloma is a prominent politician in Israel whose party campaigns for civil rights. In an article in the Israeli newspaper " Y e d i o t Achronot" on 30th August,
1987 she asked. "Who are these mystery men who run riot with research and development budgets and who manipulate our fate and the fate of our children with such absolute secrecy ?" If one is to believe him. this is the question Vanunu wanted to bring out into of the Penal Law of Israel, the open, if not to provide
the answer. However, the Israeli authorities view the matter as a simple case of a man who. "surreptitiously collected information, photographs and materials that, under Israeli law were secret."and "smuggled the information abroad...to sell it for publication." The fact that Israel had the potential to develop nuclear weapons was never disputed (Israel never signed the Non-Prolifera-tion Treaty of 1968) but the case of Mordechai Vanunu has brought the matter to public attention.
However, the solitary confinement of Vanunu goes on forgotten by most save his own relatives, friends and supporters. The European parliament adopted three resolutions that called for his release and raised the matter with Prime Minister Shamir on his visit to parliament in October, last year. In its preambulatory paragraph the resolution adopted on 22nd November, 1990 states, "....countries which have respect for human rights would not have been likely to treat a disclosure in a newspaper, for motives of public interest, as treason and espinnage." Amnesty International released a report on Vanunu protesting at the continuation of his isolated detention which constitutes.
was "in
The Israeli Minister of Justice said in a letter to Amnesty International that Vanunu's treatment was entirely consistent with that of other prisoners convicted of espinnage and treason.
"cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment regardless of the reasons....his health may already have suffered." However. Amnesty have consistently refused to adopt Vanunu as a prisoner of coscience.
The founder of Amnesty. Peter Benenson. described
Amnesty's report as. "exceptionally weak and feeble." He calls for a change in Amnesty's mandate ; "Israel's outrageous kidnapping seems to make him a prisoner of coscience 100-fold... We don't deal with professional spies but Vanunu obviously is not one."
Demonstrators from the Israeli Vanunu Defence Committee outside Dimona nuclear reactor in November, 1991 stated that Vanunu acted, "on behalf of the public's right to know."
In an open letter to the President of Israel, Chaim Herzog, the editor of the Sunday Times wrote of his disbelief at the injustice of Vanunu's case and cited a previous case where senior officers of the Shin Beth, who were implicated in the murder of two Palestinians, while in custody, were pardoned by him. He went on to ask that Herzog do the same for Vanunu or at least to commute his sentence, and to state that "Israel has become the first Western democratic state to punish someone as a traitor for leaking information to a newspaper."
Vanunu's brother, Meir is one of the founders of the London-based Campaign to free Vanunu and for a Nuclear-Free Middle East ever returns to Israel but has been re-_ fused political asylum in the UK. A lawyer, he continues to campaign on behalf of h i s brother although even the British press seems to have forgotten his case which had given
_ them ex-
citing headlines six years ago. Meir Vanunu's campaign ensures at least that once the doors of his brother's sparsely-furnished cell have been closed there will not be an end to the matter : the issues and injustices still remain and need to be addressed.
10
^2,
Uu 'Beaver, lOth Jebruary, 1992
Jazz and More Jazz
A look at what London's got to offer
Concert Venues
• Ronnie Scott's: Ronnie Scott's is the most famous London Jazz club and has a well-deserved international reputation. (One of the first things people say to me when I tell them I like jazz is. "Oh, have you been to Ronnie Scott's?") This is the place to go in London if you want to hear good jazz. The entrance foyer gives a good idea as to the status of "Ronnie's" - there are an enormous number of photographs of musicians who have been here over the years and virtually all the greats are up there. Unfortunately. appearances by the real stars of the jazz world are now few and far between, owing either to them having become simply too big and packing out places like the Royal Festival Hall on a one night gig, or owing to them being sadly deceased. (Dizzy Gillespie is one of the oldest active jazz musicians at 74.) Nevertheless, there are still many great players around who are willing to put in an appearance at Ronnie Scott's and you are always certain of a great evening when you come here. The atmosphere is homely and very congenial (as long as you don't talk too much during the main performance), and the club stays open late (3a.m. on weekdays,later at weekends). It is also comfortable, even if you are forced to stand up although you might have to keep avoiding waiters and waitresses if you don't want to have food and drink spilled over you. There are also a couple of back rooms where you
can go to watch T.V. or dance. Membership has just gone up from £30 to £45 per annum but students get in for half-price from Mondays to Thursdays so it's still pretty good value.
Location; Frith Street, WCl. Leicester Square or Piccadilly Circus tubes, or if you live in Carr-Saun-ders it's Just a short walk.
• The Jazz Cafe: This is a much younger and generally trendier club than Ronnie Scott's but there is speculation as to how long it will last due to receivers having been called in just before Christmas. The new club (as distinct from the old Jazz Cafe in Stoke Newington) is very popular with youngerjazz fans and, judging from the performances I have seen, it's also popular with musicians. However, massive debts from the opening of the club in Camden about two and a half years ago have got the club into financial difficulty. Personally, 1 hope the club survives because there have been some really good shows there since I have been at LSE. Some of the people who have been there include. Tommy , Andy Sheppard, Steve Williamson, Julian Joseph, Tony Williams (with Mulgrew Miller), Gil Scott Heron, James Taylor, Eddie Harris, Freddie Hubbard and Lonnie Liston Smith, to name but a very distinguished handful. This year has seen a trend towards more dance-orientated music, with a regular Sunday night club (Open Oceans) and Somethin' Else hosted by Jez Nelson on Mondays. The club has a very different atmosphere
from Ronnie's: the clientele is, generally speaking, younger and trendier (you
which entitle you to free entry for a year, or even for life(!), but these are proba-
the London jazz scene. Alcohol is only served with food (unless you are a
The Jessica Lauren Trio in the Royal Festival Hall's foyer.
Photo: Barry Pourghadiri
don't get many business suits here) and has a tendency to produce a somewhat stilted, ostentatious air about the place. The seating is not terribly comfortable either and not all the tables have a good view of the band. I was also horrified to discover that they don't serve bitter at the bar! Furthermore, the Jazz Cafe does not have a particularly late licence which has caused some dis-gruntlement when people are thrown out at midnight without an encore. However, if you can put up with these mild discomforts then you can enjoy some really good music here.
Membership (which entitles you to half the normal entry price) is currently £25 for students and £40 for non-students. There are othermembership schemes
bly beyond the fxjcket and reason of most students (even if they are jazz- freaks).
Location: 5, The Parkway, Camden NWl. Just across the road from Camden Town tube, and also within walking distance of Carr-Saunders hall.
• 606 Club: If you can find this place you may enjoy a very pleasant and relaxing evening. It is a small club, not a great deal bigger than LSE's Underground, but it has just the right atmosphere for a jazz club. The musicians are not quite the big names of Ronnie Scott's or the Jazz Cafe but prices are much lower (many of the charges are described as "optional") and it is still a good place to see rising British talent (Jason Rebello grew up here) or the has-beens of
member of the club) but both are relatively cheap, and sometimes its nicer to just have a cup of tea or coffee. This is the place to come if you want to forget about the stresses and strains of life. Nearest tube is Fulham Broadway and the entrance at (4, Lots Road is pretty inconspicuous so make sure you don't walk past it! You have to ring the bell to get in.
• Bass Clef: The Bass Clef in Coronet Street is a fairly weU established jazz club presenting a mix of veterans, current names and newcomers at reasonable prices. In recent months, attractions have included Kenny Barron and Benny Green. The Bass Clef was backed up by its sister club the Tenor Clef until the latter was forced to close a few weeks ago due to fi-
nancial problems. However, the Tenor Clef appears to be making something of a comeback this week but no doubt things will be different. The Bass Clef is very well known for its regular Monday night session hosted by the top rare groove DJ Norman Jay. As long as this is continued, the Bass Clef should be around for a bit longer yet.
Location: 35, Coronet Street, off Hoxton Square, old Street tube. 20% reduction for students.
•	100 Club: It comes as no great surprise to find that this club is situated at 100 Oxford Street but like the 606 Club it is easy to miss if you don't keep your eyes open. The club has been a favourite for jazz dancers and trad jazz fans for some time although it now faces a rival in the shape of the Jazz Cafe for the attentions of the former group. The bands that play here aren't particulartywell known but they will keep you entertained for a good few hours. What is more, I am reliably informed by Dr Black that LSE students can get in at reduced rates. There are dance classes held in the club during the day so you have the opportunity to practice a bit before you strut your stuff after sundown.
*	Royal Festival Hall: This tends to be the main venue in the capital for concerts which require a large seating capacity. Over the pastyears, it has hosted the annual Capital Radio/ JVC Jazz Parade and has had a line-up of performers like Stan Getz, McCoy Tyner,Freddie Hubbard,
Continued on page 11
War Games
Bette Midler and James Caan star in 'For the Boys'
"For The Boys" is a modestly entertaining film , but it lacks the vital touch of realism to make it truly memorable. The story is about two entertainers, Eddie Sparks (James Caan) and Dixie Leonard (Bette Midler) in the second world war. They meet up and start a world-famous entertainment duo by flinging innu-endos (and bits of female body] to American pilots stationed in Britain.
They then move to the African desert, where once again, the sex-starved troops lap up even the corniest of references to anything sexual. I.-ater, it's on to Korea and Vietnam, where perversion famine leads to the leggy dancer being fondled, to everyone's horror. (A thankfully brief reminder of the sad decline in moral standards).
The whole film is based
around the present day, when the two are supposed to get a Presidential medal for their services. (About time too. Any more delay and they would have to have been awarded posthumously). Unfortunately, in the twenty-five years since their last show, the two have not spoken. The question is, does Dixie forgive Eddie and turn up?
I'm sure you've guessed by now that the film is as corny as a farmer's foot. The pace is maintained by the oh-so-witty wisecracks incorporated into their routine, some of which spill out into their turbulent offstage life. One of the better ones occurs the first lime Dixie appears alongside the great Eddie. She complains that in getting to the show, they couldn't land the plane for three hours. Eddie suggests they give the pilot
a purple heart for putting up with her for that long, to which Dixie comes back with "It sure was purple, but it wasn't his heart". Boom, boom, how they laughed.
This sort of role suits Midler, who has the talent for being charming and bitchy at the same time. What doesn't suit her is the age-makeup used in the present-day scenes. You can almost hear the layers of latex squeak every time she spjeaks, and she outshines Lieutenant Data in Star Trek with ease.
The film's one recomen-dation is that it makes you completely forget the outside world. The music (some of which is great) draws you in, and keeps you involved to the end. However, it won't leave you checking under your bed for spiders, or carrying cloves of garlic

James Caan and Bette Midler as Eddie Sparks and Dixie Leonard in 'For the Boys'	Photo: Francois Duhamel
everywhere, and the film can't, so you quickly forget James Brown leaves you wanting to tie it in with real life, which you
about it as the credits start to roll.
For The Boys is on general release.
Tfu. 'Beaver, lOtfi JeBruary, 1992

11
A Rhyming Farce
Vile mediocrity in 'La Bete'
"La Bete" is a comedy, a fact which coupled with the name of Andrew Lloyd Webber scrawled on the front page of the programme ,does cause one to have some reservations. The probability of the audience finding it funny, especially when it knows it is there to be amused appears somewhat small. So as the viewing public enter the Lyric Theatre in Hammersmith , with it's stage framed like a painting , they reduce nonchalantly, barriers of intolerance fully erected as if to say "go on then, amuse me".
It does : within seconds the tension is lifted as people roll around intoxicated with laughter in this marvellous production. The story is encapsulated in 17th Century setting, where the hallowed artistic niche of a troupe of actors is shattered by the arrival of the utterly crass Valere, who is to join them in their endeavours , at the insistence of their patron. Prime Conti.
Alan Cumming's performance as Valere is splendid, energetic, bubbling with physical nu-
Alan Gumming as Valere
ance and totally hilarious. In the first half of the play, Valere engages in a farcial rhyming monologue. Elo-mire, the renowned playwright of the troupe paces frantically across the stage in torment, as he is bobarded with rubbish from the would be poet,Valere. Such notions as the re-naming of chairs to "Francesca's" gives rise simultaneously to despair on stage and thorough enjoyment off it.
The audience gleefully returns after the intermission to "Francesca's" in expectation of more rump rotundity. However the
second half is less eager to indulge in cavorting but is rather concerned with drawing out the moral argument. Should artistic integrity be maintained at the expense of the patronage of Prime Conti, which provides the troupe's livelihood? Does the emergence of mediocre and populist environment mean that one should necessarily compromise? Should fools like Valere be silenced or are they products of an underlying cultural decay?. These questions inject a surprising amount of intellectual content into the play which prevented it from degenerating into a "Cany-on" type of romp. Elomire refuses to accept Valere and is forced to leave. This poses the final question: "Who really is La Bete"?
"La Bete" is a must for all theatre-goers and is worth going to see, if only for the set: a classically lined but oddly sloping space of creamy white — to which bits are attached and made use of as the play unfolds.
John Asante and
Helen Michael
The play runs at the Lyric, Hammersmith until 14th March.
The jazz continues...
From page 10
Miles Davis, Spirogyra and Stanley Clarke, to name but a few.
It currently has free jazz in the foyer every day from 12.30 to 2.00 p.m. and in addition on Friday evenings from 5.15 to 6.45 p.m.
Location: South Bank Centre. Nearest tubes are Charing Cross, Embankment or Waterloo. It is about a ten-minute walk from the I.SE
Dance Clubs
For those who wish to strut their stuff here are a few suggestions:
Monday
Bass Clef: Norman Jay's Original Rare Groove Show
Soulful rare groove and jazz-funk/fusion in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. Admission £5, student reduction.
Tuesday
Apparently nothing really happens on a Tuesday.
Wednesday
The Borderline : Fresh & Funky 11.15 p.m.- 3 a.m. Admission £5. Location : Downstairs at Break For The Border, off Charing Cross Road
Thursday
Ruby's: Funky Chicken & Licking Stick 11.00 p.m. - 3.30 a.m. Admission £5. Location:. 49, Carnaby Street. (Oxford Circus tube)
Maas: LetOff lO.OOp.m -6.00 a.m. Admission £6 Location : 24, Shaftesbury Avenue. (Ixceister Square tube)
Friday
The Wag: Respect 10.00 p.m - 6.00 a.m. Admission £8 before 11.00 p.m. , £9 before 3.00 a.m. then £5. Location: 35, Wardour Street. (Piccadilly Circus tube)
Gossips : Sumo 10.00 p.m. till late. Admission £7. Location : 69, Dean Street. (Tottenham Court Road tube)
Saturday
Electric Ballroom : Camden Kiush On level 2, you will find Ian spinning funky jazz,swing and rhythm'n' blues from 10.30 p.m. till late. Admission £5. Location : 184, Camden High Street, NWl. (Camden Town tube).
Sunday
The Underworld: Talkin' Loud and Sayin' Something Gilles Peterson spins a wide selection of good tunes around a live set. Expect anything from CoKrane to Jazz rap . This is a popular Sunday afternoon event, although it has lost some of its ambience since moving to the Underworld ,following the closure of Dingwalls. Noon to 6.00 p.m. Admission £5 Location : 194 Camden High Street (Camden Town tube).
Grays : Club Harlem This starts off mellow with coffee and board games, then the funk starts .... 8.00 p.m to 2.00 a.m. Admission £4 beforell.OO p.m then £6. Location: 4, Grays Inn Road. (Chancery Lane Tube).
Forthcoming Attractions
James Moody (formerly with the Dizzy Gillespie big band) will be at Ronnie Scott's from the 10th February for a week. Cedar Walton (an ex-Jazz Messenger) will be there from the 24th for a week. Maceo Parker will be at the Jazz Cafe for two days from the 18th. Dizzy Gillespie will be celebrating his 75th birthday at the Royal Festival Hall on March 17th, with a band including Freddie Hubbard, Kenny Barron and James Moody. Chick Corea will also be at the RFH about a week later and Omette Coleman will be visiting in April.
The I>ondon Jazz scene has really taken off over the past few years and there are now so many pubs, clubs and winebars offering live musical refreshment that it would take a whole degree course to visit them all. Still, many places are cheap and some are even free so you are bound to find something to do when your essays are finished. Names to look out for include: Pizza Express, Pizza on the Park, The Orange, Vortex. Bulls Head and Loughborough Hotel. There are also workshops and jam sessions held weekly at various places so all you would be Dizzy Gillespies and Birds can blow to your heart's content.
Compiled by PhUJones.
RAG WEB]	K EVENTS
THE RAG LUV-IN BALL Feb. 22 The Waldorf Tickets £38 in aid of Charity. featuring: CRAIG McMURDO and THAT SWING THANG	24-hr. TREASURE-HUNT Wed. 12 to Thurs 13 6pm to 6pm Meet in the Quad at 5.30pm on Wed. FUN AND PRIZES GALORE See Toby (E205) for application and sponsorship forms
	THE BLIND DATE GAME Looking for a partner for the Rag Ball? Well, this could be your chance to get a bit of the action... Prizes include a pair of tickets to the Rag Ball for the best couple. Host to be announced, venue the Old Theatre, on Friday 14th.
VALENTINES ROSES Don't forget to buy your rose, or else you'll be full of woes; it could be the difference between despair and the most loving affair. Buy a rose for your valentine to pick up on Valentine's Day. Price : £1.50 - proceeds to charity.	
	RAG SALES
	RAG MAG - The SU's attempt at being Funny. 50p donation to Rag charities
	RAG T-SHIRTS - short and long sleeve (£5.00/£7.50). Available SU Shop and SU reception.
THE TABBOO CHALLENGE A brand new game with prizes for the winners. In THE UNDERGROUND on Thurs. 13 Feb Presented by TIME OUT as part of Rag Week.	LSE PINT GLASSES - £1.25 from the Rag Stall, Mon, Tues, Thurs (12-2pm), Houghton Street.
	For further information, contact Fiona, (E206), or Martin Lewis, Room 125, Carr-Saunders.

12 Mmir
Tfu. 'Beaver, lOtfi February, 1992
rf^
Photo; Steve E^st
¦e Neil and Ron's Excellent Adventure Neil and Ron's
Glam, Bam, and
Let US go back to a time that good wasn't essential... THE
The Seventies. What a great decade that was. Flares, tank tops, platform shoes. Bay City Rollers, punk, England doing absolute shite in every major international football com-p>etition, Scotland losing 3-1 to Peru in the 1978 World Cup Finals, the death of I^esley, Hendrix, Morrison and my pet goldfish called Fred, 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em', decent Dr Who (although 1 personally disagree with Ron on this point),and the decade in which Sci-fi became popular and tourists refused to swim in the sea. But what about the music, you ask? What about it indeed. It was crap. And we've got the proof
After the excesses of the sixties, what did we find? No new Beatles, well they hadn't split up yet, no new Rolling Stones they hadn't sorted out their legal problems yet. What we did have was 'bubblegum'. This is a generic term for shite. I mean after all the innovative musical talents of the sixties we turn another decade with IXvo Little Boys' by RolfHarris, he of the didg-erydoo, the wobble board and the stylo-phone fame, at number one. Worse still, at the end of the year we had the sycophantic 'Grandad' by Clive Dunn,
he of the 'they don't like it up 'em, Mr Main-waring'saying from 'Dad's Army'.
There was more, I mean forget about the top ten or the rest of the 'fab fifty', just look what was at number. I mean what was the relevance musically of Christies' 'Yellow River' or Freda Paynes' 'Band of Gold'. Yet look on the bright side James Marshall Hendrix had an number one with "Voodoo Chile' albeit posthumously. Elvis Presley had his best year for a long time notching up 59 weeks on the chart including his last number one before his death in 1977, when his memory was plundered for
financial gain and 'Way Down' became his last number one to date. Smokey Robinson and the Miracles came out with Tears of a Clown' before they split. A song I may add only came to my attention when The Beat released a cover of it in late 1979 with the rise of Ska. In short the start of the seventies was pretty abominal.
As no doubt, you are a regular reader of these pages you will know I was actually around at the time, and Neil was still in his nappies, probably, and I have to admit I thought the music was alright. I can look back now with a critical eye or is it ear. and say well I was wrong. I mean a look at Christmas Day on B.B.C.2 this year showed the Christmas Edition of Top ofthe Pops'from 1973. Laugh, I nearly choked on the wishbone. I suppose it is difllcult to understand why people buy what they do, or in the seventies case, wear what they did. But eventually for all the crap
A teen idol, a top TV lawyer and a sexual pervert Yep, it's the Partridge Family
that hit number one during the seventies there was also some artists that will always be around even after their death.
I know they had to rely on the jeans adverts, but look at it good songs sell,
regardless of trends. You can only dance so much and there comes a time when musician ship and originality come in. Last year we saw the reemer-gence of Frees' 'All Right Now' and T. Rex's 'Twentieth Century Boy'. There was
a loss to us all. A man who like David Bowie saw where music was going and moved his music in line with it. In the year of his death the burgeoning Punk movement was taking off and Marc Bolan's T.V. show on Granada, all the good shows were on Granada,
showed off the up and coming acts such as the Jam, the Boom town Rats and many more.
Fortunately the series was prerecorded and even after his death these band got that little bit of T.V. exposure they needed. Except for the Sex Pistols who were banned from Granada after the infamous Bill Grundy show when the expletive fuck was used on several occasions and Siousxie Sioux, a Pistols groupie, was asked whether she fancied a quickie after the show.
Yet as ever we digress, whatabout the preceding years before Punk kicked down the door in late 1976.Let's begin at the very beginning. Well, who was big in the 1970s. The Partridge Family, I ask you. Their career lasted as long as the TV series and are currently residing in the "Where are they now" category, except they're not. David Cassidy managed to have a few more hits after Social Services split the family up, while Susan Dey became a top lawyer and Danny Bonidence became a junkie and a sexual pervert! Other teen sensations
included the Bay City Rollers (" ...and they sang Shang-a-lang as they ran with the gang singing Shoo-Whop-A-Did-Diddly-
was only the drummer, and poor old Sid Vicious, who was actually named after dear old Johnny Rotten's hamster, died in '79. Oh by
Vicious and Rotten, almost as nasty as Neil and Ron
Whop-Whop...") and the Osmands in their various Mormon disguises, both of whom were complete shite except for the Bay City
Rollers!".....Bye.bye baby,
baby goodbye..."). But as far as sensations went, nothing could beat the Glam era.
Gary Glitter. The Glitter Band. Roy Wood. Slade,
Mud. Sweet,
Roxy Music,
Ziggy and his Spiders from Mars. Suzi Quatro. Yep,
glam produced a lot of crap as well.
Butyou'vegot to laugh.
haven't you.
Let's cheer ourselves up now. and take a look at all the famous rock stars who died during the 'Seventies. Well,
there was Jimi Hendrix.
but then he doesn't count because he was quite good. Jim Morrison died. of and
the way. apparently someone called Avis, no sorry, Elvis Presley died as well, from eating too many fried sausage and bacon cheese burgers. Rock'n'Roll suicide, you can't beat it.
Back to reality. The 'Seventies also brought two of the worst foreign acts of all time. Abba and Boney M.
1
respectively, meant that they produced some of the all time classics of the pop world. Abba consisted of Anni-Frid. the blonde one who was every man's wet dream. Agnetha, who got a look-In if Anni-Frid had turned you down, and two blokes with beards who nobody fan-c i e d (Abba's sex appeal was m^eorien-t a t e d ) . Since their demise Abba records have become extremely fashionable, in particular Jimmy Somerville's favourite. "Dancin' Queen". They also hold the distinction of being the only Euro-vision Song Contest winner's who weren't crap. Boney M. on the other hand, had a different approach to the music business. Despite not being able to speak
It's Anita Dobson!
course.
with his death came a new health warning, ie Never take a bath while in Paris. Keith Moon passed away in '78 but then again he doesn't count because he
Being foreign, they obviously had some sought of novelty appearance, but the fact they wrote all their songs in English, despite being Swedish and German
English, they decided to sing songs about various historical figures and educate their audience. Take 'Ma Baker', for example:
"She taught her four sons/ Ma Baker!/ How to handle their guns/ Ma Baker!"
And according to Boney M. R a - R a -Rasputin was Russia's favourite love machine. They don't write songs like that anymore.
The Seventies ^so witnessed the rise of British Heavy Metal, in the form of hard core blues music, apparently. This did not pre-
The 'Beaver, lOtfi Jebruary, 1992

Excellent Adventure Neil and Ron's Excellent Adventure
Thank you Ma'am
land forgot, a time when looking
SEVENTIES!
vent each band being really original. Take that classic track by Deep Purple 'Smoke On The Water' which goes: Duh-duh-duh-du-duh-du-duh-duda. This track was a masterpiece and should not be confused with Black Sabbath's 'Paranoid' which goes something like this; Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-du-duh-du-duh-daaaaaaaa. Free's classic 'All Right Now' became recognised as a common anthem for the new Heavy Metal brigade and went something like this: Duh-da-duh-da-duh-duh-duh-duh-ting-More-Chewing-Gum- Any-one-duh-duh. Anyway, it was all a load of old bollocks, just ask Ron.
Progressive Rock was no better. Singing about goblins and spaceships,
bands like Pink Floyd and Yes went on to sell CDs by the shuttle-load.
tinued and Instead of Alvin Stardust, SuziQuatro, the Rubettes and the New Seekers at last something fresh. 'Rock You Baby' by George McCrae was their for 2 weeks and was followed by the Three Degrees, "When will I see you Again' for 3 weeks. Then of course T.O.T. P. came back on and once more normal service was resumed. I mean after all the most successful act on the 1974
When you think about it. Punk was a load of old cobblers realty. Take the Stran-glers, for example. If Punk was about Yoof explosion, why were these four thirty year olds jumping about on TOTPdressed in black? And what about the Clash? Joe Strummer was the son of a civil servant, how rebellious can you get? The Sex Pistols were hyped. Jilted John only ever released one song. Sham 69 (Ooer missus.

"What d'you mean, we've all got to wear jeans...?" It's the Clash!
Yawn. Time for my medicine......
In the early seventies there were some great new bands. Ro:^^ Music, Lindis-fame ("Fog on theTyne is all mine, all mine...."), Mungo Jerry, Slade, Gary Glitte. Gawd,rm starting to sound like Neil's contributions. But the audience was fickle, singles were cheap, teenagers were a mass audience and styles change. Where as Glitter Rock and Bubble gum dominated the early seventies due to its exposure on T.O.T.P.. In June 1974 T.O.T.P was off the air for over a month during a strike. Instead of staying in and being fed the usual dross, many went out to the discos where the a new sound was Disco if you get my drift.
Disco was not a British based thing but directly dependant on the Black record labels of America such as Bluejay, Avco and Philly International. Although T.O.T.P. remained off the air, the charts con-
charts were a bunch of puppets who had a litter fetish, yes Mike Batt' s Wombles, it was certainly the low point in British Music, yet the seeds had been set, for a removal of the dead wood to be replace by something new. Disco continued, but Punk and New Wave crashed through the Record Companies A&R departments and screamed, "we can't play we can't sing we smell awful and we want money!' The thing was they got it.
Gob, no future etc, etc, etc. Without Punk the music industiywould have disappeared- Punk was this nation's saving grace. It kicked the industry up the backside and established the independent record label as a force to be reckoned with. The importance of punk cannot be
under-estimated.....Well,
that's my interview for NME out of the way, now lets get down to serious matters, the coming of Punk Rock.
More tea vicar?) were complete shite ("Hersham Boys, Hersham Boys, they call us the cockney cowboys...."), the Buzzcocks were from Manchester, the Fall had Mark E. Smith, the Boomtown Rats were crap, Elvis Costello became an AOR's wet dream, the Damned were the Damned, and the Jam voted conservative, but apart from
that......
Punk's arrival on the scene should have been crowned by the Sex Pistols "God Save the Queen" going to number One in Jubilee year. However, although everyone banned it and it was never played it got to number two, kept off by Kenny Rogers, the Jacksons and, if you read Spycatcher, M.I.Sand M.I.6 as well. Yet for all the Julie Burchill inspired rhetoric of the time. Punk never really shook the mainstream. Look, Genesis, Yes, the Who, the Rolling Stones even Elvis did well in this time as did those disco di-
vas Donna Summer, the Jacksons and look at the volume of sales of 'Saturday Night Fever' and Grease for the Bee Gees. So what did Punk achieve. Well apart from getting me into music, it also got a lot of others into music and spawned New Wave.
TTiis too is a misnoma. New Wave was just an excuse for any band that started post punk to claim to the righteousness high ground of saying we are punklsh but we can actually play music. Suchbands that came into this category were Squeeze, Elvis Costello, Joe Jackson and the Police, all these became the stars of the eighties, by espousing their right-on image without the anti-establishment tendencies of Punk. Others who started off esp)0using Punk, transferred their allegiance. Bl-ondie started off as the archetypal U.S. Punk band and then transferred to Disco. Yet if you listen to their albums there was never the energy of most british bands and inevitably, to break in America and make it big they recorder heart of Glass on the monstrous 'Parallel Lines' Album. One of the first LPs of the decade to have 5 singles released from it.
In short the seventies were a mish mash of used abused and rehashed ideas. Nothing lasted long It was all swings and roundabouts. Punk the thing that every one expected would cut a swathe through the boring remnants of the sixties did not it was Ironic that as the seventies ended the number one was 'Another Brick in the Wall' by Pink Floyd, someone the Sex Pistols were supposed to overtake and extinguish. In stead it was the Sex Pistols who died in one case, literally. If music is the food of Love play on, but why do so many die?
Anyway, that's the Seventies out of the way. Next week, who knows. We'll just Jump into our time machine and see where we turn up. Next time, it could be somewhere nearyou. By the way, Echo and the Bunnymen released their first single in 1979, interesting that.
Awesome,
Neil & Ron.
Singles
Neil Andrews
casts aspertions on this week's singles
Single Of The Week Number One
Jesus and Mary Chain: Reverence (Blanco Y Negro)
Awesome. Absolutely fuckin' awesome. U2 were trying to achieve something like this with The Fly' and failed miserably. If all was fair in love and war this record would be number one for 16 weeks. The first classic record of 1992.
Single Of The Week Number Two
KLF: America What Time Is Love (KLF Communications)
Take all three of their stadium house trilogy hits, add a gothic choir, thrashing metal guitars, Echo and the Bunnymen.
submarine beeps and bleeps, explosions, or-g a n i s e d chaos, and a sampled live audience then season for about five minutes and you'll end up with a hu-m o n g o u s single. The second clas- It's wet up North sic record of '92, do not be alarmed
The Temptations: My Girl (Epic)
Pass the sick bucket.
Re-release Number Two Because It's Valentine's Day This Friday
Madness: It Must Be Love (Virgin)
Strange. A record for your love one for Valentine's Day and it's released by Virgin? Anyway, Madness once had a hit with a track called 'My Girl' and it was much better than the one above but that's neither here nor there. This track has become the perennial Valentine's Day release for some reason but this year there's a bit more
Bleedin' Obvious Single Of The Week Number Three
Wedding Present: Go-Go Dancer (RCAJ
Reviewing this next record is absolutely pointless. By the time you read this article the Weddoes we'll have just entered the charts for the one and only week of this record's lifespan at Number 23, all 100,000 copies will have sold out, and there is probably very little chance of you liking this record in the first place. But then again this is the Wedding Present and you can always tape Top Of The Pops this coming Thursday if you really want a copy of this single. Alternatively, you can wait Twelve months for the album. Or beg me for a copy. By the way, this is the best thing they've released since 'Brassneck'
Re-release Number One Because It's From A Film Soimdtrack
importance attached to it because Madness release a new Greatest Hits compilation this month which will be a must for every household. Well, it is at our house, in the middle of the street......
Re-release Number Three Because It Flopped First Time Around
Ocean Colour Scene: Sway (Fontana)
Another band that's missed the groovy train from Madchester. When it was originally released it flopped so dramatically that Ocean Colour Scene became known as the band that never made it. With this release the nickname's going to stay rather than sway. Wah-wah guitars and groovy back-beats have disappeared from Manchester and it's doubtful whether they will return. Never mind, perhaps they should try writing another song and see how well that one does. Who knows, perhaps it might reach Number 42 in the charts.....
14 CLJlSSm'L^S
IJte 'Beaver, lOtk February, 1992
The Women's Group and The Parent's Society
are having a
Jumble Sale
in aid of the LSE Nursery on Tuesday 18 Feb in the Quad.
Please bring all your unwanted books, clothes etc. to:
The Women's room (top floor of the cafe) or Fiona MacDonald's office (E206) as soon as possible.
GET TO THE UGM ON THURS. TO SEE THE GENERAL SECRETARY HAVE HIS HEAD SHAVED!
All in aid of charity. _
LSE CHRISTIAN UNION
invites you to hear Rev. Dr. R.T. Kendall speak on 'BAD, MAD, OR GOD'
Tues. 11 Feb. , 1-2pm. Vera Anstey Room.
CONFIRMATION OF EXAM ENTRY. SESSION 1991-1992.
Students are reminded to collect their forms from
the Registry, 3rd. floor Cormaught House. These forms must be completed by your tutor, and returned to the registry by Thursday, 20th
of February.
"THE CRACK"
a new comedy club arrives on the scene, at the
Marquee Cafe, 20, Greek Street, Soho. Admission Free, with bar and food available. Opening Acts:
KEVIN DAY MARK HURST
Hosted by Linda Trayers 8pm. to 10 pm., Wed. 12 Feb.
A TRIBUTE TO THE BLUES BROTHERS
Tickets for the show on 11 Feb. are available at £8.50 each (instead of £19.50). Show starts at
8.15pm.
contact Fiona (E206).
ULU RAG 'TEQUILA" PARTY.
A mad night of Tequilla excess sponsored by Six
GunTequiUa.
SAT 15 FEB. 8pm. TO Sam. (BAR TO 2am.)
Two stages:
1: live Karaoke from "Mike Fab-Gere and The Permissive Society"
TICKETS AVAILABLE FROM ULU TICKET OFFICE, OR FIONA (E206)
Lipman & Sons Menswear
22 Charing Cross Road, WC2 Tel. 071-240-2310 Special Student Rates Hire of Dinner Suit: £16.50p Complete with Shirt & Tie £21.50
Group Discount Available Student Discount on all purchases Near Leicester Square Tube Open 9am - 8pm Mon-Fri 9 am - 6pm Saturdays
SCOTCH
is to be drunk where it's made — join the trip to Scotland end of Feb '92 call 071-233-588^ or 071-706-2390
SAS
LSE ACCOMMODATION
1992/1993.
Application Forms for LSE Halls, Flats and houses, along with University of I>ondon Intercollegiate Halls are currently available from the Central Accomadation Office (E296) and the Housing and Welfare Office (E297).
The closing dates for applications by continuing students (undergraduates and postgraduates) are as follows:
LSE residences (halls, flats and houses) 30 Aprir 1992
Intercollegiate Halls 31 March 1992.
Advertising in these pages is free to all members of the MeSTJ, This includes all societies. To placc an advert, please call James Brown on ext. 2870,or drop a letter in to the Beaver Office, (E197) Please note that copy deadline is Wednesday noon for the folio wing week's issue.
DONT LOSE YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE.
You must register by Feb. 15th to be eligible to vote in the forthcoming elections. Registration forms are available from the SU reception, East Building.
EASTERN EUROPEAN CONFERENCE
A round table discussion, held jointly by the LSE/KCL European Society and the Grimshaw Club, will look at the changed relationship between Eastern Europe and the E.C. The event will take place in the Old Theatre from 5 to 7 pm. on Friday February 14th, and the panel will include Five Eastern European Diplomats.
THE UNDERGROUND
The new venue in the LSE.- Check it out!_
THURS. 13 FEB.
ALL-DAY BAR. 3pm. auction of loads of goodies.
7pm. TIME OUT 'TABBOO CHALLENGE" 8.30pm. COCKTAIL NIGHT - Six Gun Tequila
promotion.
FRI. 14 FEB
VALENTINE'S DISCO - 70's music, requests 20p 8pm. to lam.- only £1 entry - in aid of charity.
The Underground is a huge success. The opening hours
are 12noon to 3pm., 5pm. to 11pm., Mon. to Fri. The Underground is also available for private functions hire on Saturdays.
The Underground is located in the basement of the Clare
Market Building
Tfu 'Beaver, lOtk J'eBruary, 1992
S'PO^R!TS 15
Reza-rection
Thirds return to form with Keane Colin Bell comeback
LSE3RDXI.................4
ROYAL FREE...............2
The thirds approached this game withs minds fo-cussed on a most pressing problem.Would an apparently confused Captain Cox be able to find the ground?Hardened veterans of the Potter's Bar affair calmly reassured the newcomers and thankfully had their faith repaid.
LSE opened the game well with considerable pressure being placed on the opposition. Penetrative runs from the dynamic Kevin
Witts through the marginally less than pitiful Royal Free defence were commonplace but the deserved goal refused tomaterialise.Itwas left to Reza Attarzadeh to take the thirds to a half-time one goal advantage.
Wind and slope conditions favoured the thirds in the second-half and the team responded accordingly. The centre-backs used their height, power, speed, agility and natural flair to lay the foundations ofvictory.Priceless performances from both full-backs.who combined well
with the majestic midfield, kept the ball firmly in the opponents half.Witts maintained his mazey runs and Attarzadeh was in a goal-frenzy.Thanks to him,with only a few minutes to go, the thirds were 4-0 up.Royal Free then scored a couple of goals but to be honest no-one gave a toss.The end came and relegation hopes had been dashed (though not, it seems.for the opposition who would be flattered by the description "crap".)
At this point the complaint against persecution of second-year travelling
people in third team reports must be addressed.lt is a point of policy that the thirds do not discriminate against vagrants aiid gypsies.lt is certainly interesting to note,however,lhat the subject of comments in last weeks report had wandered ofl",joume3nng to play for a different team this afternoon.
An unattributable source phoned Paddy Ashdown at home to ask his opinion on the third's performance:but his wife said he wasn't in.
Andrew Grave son.
Nine Lives
Ladies hammered
LSE Women's 1st XI. 1 London Hospital ......9
The LSE nine took the field of style and running, holding a complacent London for at least 5 minutes. Indeed, Angela Perdoni, in her second 'guest' appearance of the season split the deadlock, her fearsome strike sending the LSE into an assailable 1-0 lead before any real pattern was able to assert itself on the game.
A pattern was soon asserted!
The end. result - a goal per player! 1-9 was no great surprise to the "sporting" women's team. Hockey, as they say, was the winner at the end of the day - well it certainly wasn't us.
However, two weeks ago we did beat Imperial in a conclusive 2-0 vic-to^^ - HONES'H!
A.(F)Lmch and C Warrior
Steve East's Ego Section
More pliotos from around the LSEAU



Kevin Witts — goalmaker, not just scorer
Dubbs professes his undying love for sack of leather
Going Down!
The team you can put your house on fails again
Helium-fiUed ball escapes!
LSE 2nd XI..................1
UMDS.........................2
Once again LSE showed that in adversity talent fails to shine through with a performance about as impressive as Stumpy Gleg McNoleg's personal best in the London Marathon. The luckless 2nd's suffered from a severe dose of 'Houghton Street confidence' and mistakenly predicted victory. With opposition in Wimbledon shirts they should surely have known better. Steve '60%' Hitch pro-nounced that "the goals will come" Ciller a dour first half Unfortunately they did.
The pressure mounted on UMDS with Andrew 'I
warned you Ian' Pettitt carving out chances like Jesus the plumber. Netherless it took a stroke of inspiration from Ian Forsyth to give this game the go^ it deserved: tackling Sasha, falling over the ball and laying it on for a startled UMDS forward to score. The second goal followed as high spirits led to juvenile incompetance (just for a change) and UMDS's second shot on target was as clinical as their first.
Once again Hitch was mistaken as he referred to the opposition as RADA with the game in danger of taking the shape of 'another f@££$ng pantomime'. Fortunately LSE were brought back into the game by a
moment of genius. Pettitt robbed his opponent on the halfway line, danced around five hapless defenders before laying on a simple tap in from 30 yards for Staples. Maybe this lad is the untapped goalsource that the seconds need to avoid the drop.
Penalty appeals came and went, a last gasp flurry went wide and the game was lost. Forsj^he punched the referees face in and pu t his head through the dressing room door but to no avail. The seconds are rock bottom. Only a pick and shovel to get them any lower.
Ian Staples
lesTo^ts
The 'Beaver, 10th Jebruanj, 1992
^HougfitonSt. 9{arni
As allegations increase concerning the debauched behaviour of a certain "Paddy Pantsdown", as one national toilet paper claims, HSH can bring to you the true stoiy of the sordid goings on within the ranks of Britains' less major party. I can reveal, from an exclusive Houghton Street interview, further acts of wanton disregard by this supposed guardian of public decency.
LSE Ladies' Hockey goalkeeper, Angie, who expressly wishes to be named in the scandal, went barmy with a kiss and tell story that would set the most liberal of minds wondering. Sadly, the full sizzling, soaraway, seditious story is unsuitable for a family newspaper, and so will not appear in it's entirety.
However, Angie did ask me to make reference to her extreme athleticism, her amazing reach, staggering stick-work, and her general acrobatics around the mouth, of the goal that is. It is rumoured that she will soon be doing a guest appearance at the Paris "Sportsman of Europe" competition, along with her sidekick and partner-in-crime, although fear of her right hook prevents me from naming names.
These interviews look place in and about that apex of LSE life, theThreeTuns private members club - so private half of Nat West sit there every bloody night, presumably because the other half are still trying to get money out of their till. Anjway, this brings me on to the all new, all singing, all dancing Underground Bar.
We all know were it is, and I'm sure nobody out there hasn't yet popped-tn just to check it out. For many years people have, quite rightly, commented that what LSE needs is another bar, the Tuns too busy, the Beaver's, well I'll leave that to your imagination. And so, following all the hype and publicity, me and my other half of Harry went along
Shock, amazement, and many other superlatives sprang to mind, but these had nothing to do with the Underground. Here we are with the perfect chance to improve the quality of service offered by LSE, for it's culturally impoverished student body. Here we are with the chance of providing big screen entertainment, to show Sky Sports, when the opportunity arises, MTV, hardly ever please, but does the cognoscenti capitalise on this? does it f**k.
EVen such conservative places as Rosebery Hall have finally got Sky (and a "Coke" machine!), and anybody fortunate enough to have come into contact with the accident prone KK knows how long it takes anything to happen there. So why, pray tell, do we still not have this much requested facility in the centre of campus. Must we forever be doomed to watching our favourite sporting occasions to the back-drop of Neil Andrews' favourite tunes (ie no Mozzer)?
Another thing we (Harry and me) puzzled over was which planet the interior designer came from. Honestly guys and girls, have a word with the kids on the Street. Those odd matt black mechano-type seats and tables look like something Peter Purvis prepared earlier during his reign as Blue guru.
One thing that did strike us was the obvious care and consideration the designers had shown when it came to the walls. How good it was to see somebody worried that we students might spend too much time in there, drinking too much loopy lager, and not making our lectures. With this in mind, they determined to provide the most-dismal and boring paint job I've seen since that gap in last weeks' Beaver. Not one picture, painting, photo to relieve the depression that engulfs you on entering.
Speaking to Morrissey on the 'phone, he said that he loved it. for normally when down his local he was "Happy in the haze of a drunken hour", but with a visit to the Underground he said "Heaven knows I'm miserable now". Personally I think it was the kitsch 70's style designer kitchen-unit bar.
Eugen-ius
Stalker plays a corker in net for fourths

No safety net!
LSE 4th XI..................3
Charing Cross.............O
In a game of two halves, the fourths gave 110% for the full ninety minutes (no cliches with this team - EkJ). to record an historic victory on the hallowed turf of New Maiden.
Up against the odds from the start, the fourths found themselves playing the league leaders while missing four regular players, including their recognised goalkeef>er.
The gloves soon passed into the light fingered scouse hands of Eugene, thier redoubtable centre-half. who was stun even his own team-mates with a display of goalkeeping prowess of Olympian propotions.
The first h^f was a rather uninspiringaffair. with neither side gaining dominance, and highlighted by a supreme defens performance by the handsome LSE left-back.
As the second period began, Charing Cross upped the pace, but LSE refused to be left behind, and were the first to break the dead-
lock. Andy Hegarty, a new signing, sliced through the defence and notched his third goal in two games with an ice-cool finish.
Yet more drama was set to follow. LSE's defence amklng death-defying lunges to clear their lines, before Kev (now with the thirds) Witts made glory a more certain outcome. Outpacing his markers, our Kev rounded the 'keeper, and from an angle reminiscent of Mark Hughes's winner in the European Cup Winners Cup, shot for go^ (he tried this for the thirds, but took pity on the stranded goalie and shot wide - Ed), but this time it was cleared.
Did our valient hero despair ? Never! He regained possession. rounded 'keeper again, and smashed the ball home. New-boy Francis made the game safe a few minutes later, his shock of red hair splitting a devastated Charing Cross defence, and the LSE marched-on to yet another glorious victory. Bring on the Mines .(Please do -Ed).
"One of the Lads"
LSE 4th XI ..................2
UCH/MX Hospital........2
Fate was cruel to the fourths once again! Tom Randell's privates (so those rumours about Tom's virility am't true - Ed) left Brian the groundsman's pitch battered and bruised. But Laurie "Stroller" Ryan's loyal lieutenant was not the only victim of heavy fighting.
"All Heart Hegarty" scored two "Jam tart" efforts, but by h^f-time the unfortunate fourths were already down on their luck Richness of defence, black-magic in the centre and a rogueing good attack were all wilting under a succession of injuries.
Even Hegarty's Yorkshire grit wouldn't enable him to start the second half. He shivered sick and in shock on the sideline, unable to leave the spectacle of his sinking side.
The embattled LSE team "fought like Beavers", and looked quite similar too, as Indulgent Christmas holidays and the unrivalled attention of UCH's orderlies
Photo: Steve E^t
took yet more casualties.
Eugene was studded in the chest, Mark Rogerson took a hammering, and Charlie Peats' new boots left a trail of blood over Beiy-lands. With ten minutes remaining, the 4ths were still 2-0 up.until UCH sneeked one past an injury riddled, crealdng defece.
An LSE comer came next, where captain Tom Randell's header grazed the wrong side of the bar. after a helpul and heavy shove in the back from the ffriendly defence.With barely two minutes on the clock UCH raised a Machlavellan effort to score a mortifying equaliser from a comer. E)ven Cllve "Courage" Vacher, who lost a tooth in the battle against Imperial, couldn't prevent the sort of luck which gave this game away.
The match was summed-up by big Gary Bartlett, when he said the result made him feel sick. Still we played the right opposition ibr such circumstances!
Tom Randell
Hockey Pantomime
Ref blamed in men's fiasco
LSE Mens 1st XI..........O
London Hospital Ists .. 1
Controversy once again dominated and subordinated skill throughout the match. The game itself paled into Insignificance in contrast to the real battle -Jon Rhodes (our ref.) v's D Head (their own awesome adjudicator.) Unfortunately Jon went down 3 sets to love and was subsequently violated for whistle abuse as in
a fit of (justified?!) rage he threw away both his position and the Incriminating implement.
Compassionately the LSE team proceeded to camp out and play the remaining 40 minutes In the opposition penalty area - no longer forcing Dick H to use his supervision In anything more than L.H's half of the pitch.
Indeed he was now able to get so Involved In the game that he saved two
shots off the line - the second with his foot! Instead of sending himself off (if only we still had someone In authority - thanks Jon you stroppy git) he only awarded a penalty flick!
Enter Richard Walker, who wished he never had .
The mldfield supremo and stalwart of the team had let the soap opera drama get to, and break his 'Iron nerve' (he beat the keeper and hit the post) - the prat.The team
reeling In disarray now wanted to break his 'Iron neck" - if only we still had someone in authority.
In short we lost 1-0 to a team that can only be described as complete arse. Thanks again to team captain Ben for turning up without any resemblance of full kit. Did he never learn that a well dressed team Is halfway to winning.
Jolly J and the "SunTan Kid"