The Beaver i^Newspa|perof^heTs^SiT*™™P™™TirnTubinshechD5^Mayn^^ Richard Perle is vaguely annoyed blink, pages 12-13 Meet the Fockers B:art, page 22 Briefing Mattoo: pointless? International Students' officer Salah Mattoo this week called for the abolition of his post from the Union executive.; branding the position of International Students' officer as "pointless" and announcing his intention not to attend any further UGM's News page 2 Easy £2million LSE Alumnus-cum-millionaire philanthropist and fouunder of Eastjet Stehos Haji-Ioannou last week donated £2 million to the LSE. The funds will go towards scholarships and the construction of new teaching rooms. News page 4 State of the Union Union politics; why bother? An exclusive survey conducted by The Beaver this week reveals what students like and dislike about their union. News page 2 blink pages 8 & 9 Olympic Bid London is going all-out in its bid for the 2012 Oljonpics, but do the benefits really outweigh the costs? Does London have the necessary infrastructure to handle the Geunes or will we find ourselves financing an expensive exercise in public relations? blink page 11 Matrix: Overload As the 4th, annual sci-fi fikn festival hits London, FOm details the opportunity for the lovers of black leather overcoats to see the three films that rocked Keanu Reeves' world, back to back. Bart page 24 Development Week perspectives, pages 16-17 Crush RnB prohibition upheld The Underground Bar at Crush at ll:30pin on Friday night; uncharacteristically empty. / Photo; Marta Skundric Sam Jones and Prashant Rao The Entertainments Taskforce has upheld the decision to suspend RnB at Crush until further notice after a meeting last Tuesday, despite Executive officers voicing their disapproval in an ongoing debate. The decision, which was met with several critical questions at Thursday's Union General Meeting (UGM), was made after authorities recommended to the Union that they make several changes to the running of Students' Union entertainments evenings. According to LSE SU General Secretary Will Macfarlane in Issue 614 of The Beaver, Westminster City CouncU and the Metropolitan Police's Licensing Division applied "informal pressure" on the Union, requesting them to change the genre of music played at Crush to reduce violence. The initial decision to suspend RnB music was taken following two meetings held early this term between SU Treasurer Gareth Carter, members of the SU Entertainments staff, the Metropolitan police and Westminster City Council. However, no minutes of the discussions held have yet been made available. Other members of the Executive, however, remained sceptical of the degree to which the police had enforced the decision. Carter has been widely condemned by his fellow Executive members for ignoring the consensus of the Executive committee in week 1 that RnB was not connected with the violent events of the past twelve months. Speaking to The Beaver, SU Societies Officer, Angus Mulready-Jones said that "I think the proposition that RnB music can make people violent is ludicrous. It's a silly argument and whoever makes it is completely off the ball. Drunk people are violent; people in an overcrowded venue tend to be violent, but the music people listen to doesn't make them violent." The annoimcement weis met with a flurry of critical questions at the UGM on Thursday, with several students questioning whether the SU was insinuating that people who listen to RnB were either prone to violence or, upon hearing RnB music, some- how became violent. Many also questioned whether the Union had truly explored all possible avenues before deciding to suspend RnB music. Macfarlane and Carter, who received the majority of questions, said that the choice was effectively between not playing RnB at Crush for a few weeks, and losing the Union's license to run its bars entirely. Carter, who has come under fire the most over the past couple of weeks, was keen to distance himself from earlier allegations of discrimination: "This is not, never has been, and never will be an issue of race. "We are just discriminating on the basis of the people who want to come to our venue and cause violence," he said. Last Tuesday's meeting of the Entertainments Taskforce, which was intended to resolve the issue, was attended by Macfarlane, Carter, Education and Welfare officer Sian Errington, Communications officer Khurshid Eaizullaev, the Entertainment Manager, Bar Manager, General Manager, and the majority of the part-time Executive. Again, most of the Executive were in favour of reinstating RnB music, but were dissuaded by the alleged insistence of the licensing authority and police that music be changed. "Essentially, they told us that the decision was taken out of their hands" said Mulready-Jones. Mulready-Jones also expressed concerns over the commercial loss to the Union of not playing RnB in the Underground Bar: "At the end of the day, we spent a lot of money on the (Union bars]. We could do with them being successful," he said. Carter was quick to counter those concerns however, saying that any loss in profitability "would pale in comparison to losses were the Union's license to be revoked." Along with the suspension of RnB from Crush, several other policies have been instituted to curb violence at Crush: total capacity at the venue has been lowered from 1070 to 950; records will be kept of the number of LSE students, non-LSE students and non-students in attendance; clickers have been introduced at the entrances of the Quad, Underground and Three 1\ins, to regulate capacity. continued, page 2 News The Beaver 1 February 2005 Shishas go Underground Adam Tomczik LSE's social scene received a new addition last Wednesday with the opening of Cafe Shisha in the Underground Bar. The new enterprise is the brainchild of Ozan Sakar, a 3rd year Philosophy student, and Oytum Packan, a General Course student in the Economics department and will be open each lunchtime for a trial period. "When you get out of your class at 3 pm, you don't really feel like drinking and you don't feel like going home either," explained Packan. "So we thought having a cozy social atmosphere in LSE where you could smoke shisha while playing backgammon or chess would be really nice." A shisha, also known as a hookah, is an oriental tobacco pipe with a long tube connected to a container where the smoke is cooled by passing through water. Cafe Shisha offers five different flavored tobaccos; apple, strawberry, banana, apricot, and mandarin. Use of the shisha costs £5, including tobacco. Typical smoking time is around 45 minutes. The cafe also lets chessboards and backgammon tables for £1. Sakar and Oytum, both Turkish, patterned the cafe on those found in London's Middle Eastern neighbourhood around Edgware Road. Plans for the cafe include dec- Students try out the shisha cafe last week / Photo: Sid Kamath orating the room with Middle Eastern tapestries, playing relaxing music, hosting occasional theme nights and catering for private parties. Sakar was keen to stress that the cafe was not designed to be a money-making venture, but rather an to create a relaxed and comfortable scene for students. The Students' Union Entertainments Committee provided the cafe's first shishas. Entertainment's Manager Doran Meyassad, told The Beaver: "We don't offer funds as such, but if we get the chance to support an interesting project such as this one, we will do everything we can to aid its creation." RnB decision upiield continued from page 1 Carter said the recording of numbers of students and non-students was "to calculate the effectiveness of any policies [the Union] implements from now on." With regard to the policy of suspending RnB music temporarily, Carter said it would remain in place for the "foreseeable future". He continued to say: "Only when [the Metropolitan Police] are satisfied that we have implemented their recommendations can we start to think of re-introducing the types of music that we have been advised to tone down." In response to concerns that a night of Bhangra music in the Underground Bar, schedule for week 8 by the Indian Society, was in jeopardy. Carter responded that the night was "under constant review." Officers from the Metropolitan Police's Licensing Division were present at the venue at the last Crush and, according to Carter, will be present at the next Crush. Westminster City Council did not respond to requests for comment regarding the assertion made by Carter and Macfarlane that they applied "informal pressure" on the Union. Mattoo: "I'm pointless" Sam Jones News Editor LSE SU International Students' officer Salah Mattoo this week called for the abolition of his post from the union's Executive. "The position of International Students' officer is totally meaningless" he said. "I don't have the power to influence anything." "I can't go to Howard Davies, I don't have the power to influence university administration and [SU General Secretary] Will Macfarlane supersedes any opinions I might have." Mattoo's comments came after he told The Beaver last Thursday that he would not be attending the UGM until further notice. According to Mattoo, the UGM itself remains "completely unrepresentative" of international students. "It is a pointless exercise to attend the UGM - it merely articulates the views of people that are unaware of international student issues" he said. However, others have criticised Mattoo's boycott decision as poorly thought out and ill-justified. "It is the International Students' officer's job to represent international students - the UGM is the body where he should do that, that's why he was elected." said one union insider. Fellow members of the execu- Salah Mattoo tive have also bemoand Mattoo's consistently poor attendance record at the executive committee's weekly meetings. Indeed, of the 13 meetings that have so far been held this academic year, Mattoo attended none. Defending himself, Mattoo cited that many of the meetings had been scheduled at times when he had lectures. "It is clear that they do not seem to care about the input of the International Students' officer," he complained. LSE SU Treasurer Gareth Carter disagreed; "The position of International Students' Officer does have a role. It is an invaluable point of contact for the majority of LSE students. In the past, colourful individuals have filled that role. I have no doubt there is room for a dedicated individual to fill that role." Party-politics embroils Masters debate Alexander George A UGM motion regarding the price of fees charged to Masters students became an issue of party-politics last Thursday, with opposing sides accusing each other of politicisation of student issues. The motion was proposed by Postgraduate Students Officer, Matthew Willgress, with Sian Errington, the Education and Welfare Officer speaking second. The order paper noted that the fee increase for an LSE MSc programme will be 4.5 percent for 2005-06, and a further 4 percent fee increase has been approved for 2006-07. It added that the General Course fee will be £13,338 in 2005-06 compared with this year's fee of £12,765. Willgress told the UGM that the School has been falling short in its recruitment targets for MSc and General Course students. He blamed this on fee increases, and added that the LSE risked losing its student diversity as international students in particular would feel its effects. Oliver Ranson, along with Daniel Preedman, opposed the motion. Ranson said that market forces should not be restricted in higher education. Arguing that as the best students academically at the LSE are generally undergraduates and Phd students, MSc students are should continue to be a great source of financial revenue. After the motion was passed, Freedman - Chairman of the LSE Conservative Association - told The Beaver that the issue had already been discussed at the Court of Governors, which is aware of the problem and accused Willgress of "political grandstanding." According to Freeman, Willgress, by bringing the motion to the UGM, was wasting the Union's time and using it as a gesture in the run-up to the Students' Union elections. State of Union unearthed by survey Owen Coughlan A survey of union politics at the LSE has revealed a mixed set of results regarding the significance and value of our student's union. The survey of 371 students was conducted by blink over the course of the last two weeks. On a positive note, almost two thirds of those questioned believe that the union does make a difference to students at the School. This coupled with the find that over half of students feel proud to be part of the student's union make for a pair of surprising results, given the outcomes of the remainder of the survey. In terms of interest in the union, it appears that this is something that is in short supply at the LSE. A total of 60 percent of students answered that they had little or no interest in the proceedings of the LSE SU, with a similar figure saying that they had never attended the Union General Meeting held every week. Of those that had, a third revealed that they would not attend again. The UGM also came an overwhelming top as the biggest source of dissatisfaction for students within the Union. The infamous new LSE SU website was the second highest and its coordinator, LSE SU Communications Officer, Kurshid 'K' F^izullaev, was revealed as the sixth highest source of dissatisfaction within the entire Students' Union. The highly publicised Sabbaticals' wage increases also featured prominently, with almost seventy percent of the questionnaires submitted saying that more money and time should be devoted to individual societies as opposed to Union politics. Considering the controversy regarding the Three Tuns at the LSE in recent months, the Union bar, perhaps in a siurprising outcome, came top as the biggest source of satisfaction for students at the school; although it should me noted that a similar nimiber said that there was no aspect of the student union which provided them with any satisfaction at all. Although the results to the union survey may not seem entirely positive, the four elected sabbaticals should not wony too much about losing face, as a third of students said that they could not even name one of them. blink, pages 8-9 The Sabbatical team's pay rise was criticised by survey respondants. To contact The Beaver News team, email thebeaver.news@ise.ac.uk The Beaver 1 February 2005 News Smoking ban spells end for Tuns food Chris Heathcote and Kheng Soon Lim_ A Government bill which has not yet become law and which would not come into force for almost four years could spell the end to the possibility of food being served in the TUns. In his weekly report to the Union, Treasurer Gareth Carter commented: "Just to please Chris [Heathcote]...I'm starting to wonder if we should even tiy to serve food. We'll only have to ban smoking in there, after all." But the legislation he was citing, which would prohibit smoking in licensed premises serving food, would not be activated until late 2008 at the earliest. Some commentators have accused Carter of trying to wash his hands of the issue, which has dragged for more than four months. The sale of food was supposed to have commenced in Week two of last Michaelmas term but to date, students are still waiting for the service to begin, despite all the equipment being in place and stockpiles of frozen food lying dormant in the Underground bar kitchen. When asked why the impact of the legislation was not considered when the blueprints for the Urns refurbishment were drawn . 4- ¦— Gareth Carter (left) told the UGM that a smoking ban for the Underground bar made food infeasible. up. Carter refused to blame the previous team of sabbaticals but said he was just taking over the project laid out by his predecessor. Carter said the issue of Ibns food was not a big issue, but had been "played up" by The Beaver. Carter also explained the "catch-22 situation" the Union finds itself in by quoting the example of Leeds University, which attempted to ban smoking in its Union bars, but which suf- fered from a drop in revenue as a result. News of the smoking ban and hints that food may now never be served came in the aftermath of Carter's grilling at the last UGM over what would happen to the unused food. When asked about the Union's plans for stocks. Carter commented: "It looks quite at home there, we'll probably just leave it." But when pressed by further questions for a precise expiry date, he said: "Well, it's deep frozen so it will be OK for years," despite the fact that a maximum of four months is usually recommended for storing frozen food. He did, however suggest that the unwanted food may be given away to another establishment such as the Great Dover Street Bar if there was any danger of it expiring before the food service commenced. Alumni Stelios gives £2million for bursaries Adrian Li Stelios Haji-Ioannou, foimder of the easyGroup of companies, and LSE alumnus, last week announced a £2 million personal donation to fund undergraduate scholarships at the LSE. Speaking to The Beaver, a spokesperson for the School revealed that the money will provide scholarship support for 100 students as well as establish a teaching room in the new Kingsway academic building. However, because Haji-Ioannou has pegged his gift to inflationary rises, it will be difficult to put an exact figure on the overall scholarship amount, though it is estimated to be around £1.7 million. Each year the school will award 10 Stelios scholarships, one from Greece, one from Cyprus, two from the UK and four from the rest of the EU. The Scholarships will be based on need and are to be available to all undergraduates, but particularly those studying finance-related courses. In a statement, Haji-Ioannou highlighted the motives for his contribution: "I am making this gift to LSE because I think scholarships are a great way to give something back. My father set up a fund ($10m) for Cypriot students to study abroad, administered by his three children. I was lecturing at Columbia Business school in New York last year and met one of easyMoney; Stelios Haji-loannou, has maintained strong links wih the School. his funded students. I saw how much of a difference my father's scholarships were making and how much his students were getting out of it. I could have helped students just in Cyprus but I made my fortune in this country and I did well at LSE, which is one of the best [universities] in the country but is out of the grasp of many students who quite simply can't afford to go there. I decided to put something back." The director for Alumni Relations, Dr Mary Blair, welcomed the contribution. "We are delighted that Stelios has chosen to make such a significant gift to his alma mater. Thanks to private donors like Stelios, the Campaign for LSE has raised more than £70 million pounds. Nearly £10 million has been in scholarship support alone -ensuring that an LSE education remains open to the highest calibre of students, regardless of their social and economic background" she said. The contribution is part of an ongoing Campaign for LSE, launched in 1997, with a goal of raising £100 million through philanthropic support. To date, including Stelios' gift, the Campaign has raised over £70 million. Support for scholarships -from LSE alumni as well as companies and trusts and foundations - has accounted for nearly £10 million of the overall total. This academic year alone, the School was able to award some £1 million in private scholarship support. Union Jack A cold Thursday in January, and after a hot toddy in the Hins, Jack had the cockles of his heart warmed further by a truly lively and boisterous UGM. Jack always likes to see birds out in force at the UGM, and was pleased to see what appeared to be around twelve slightly overweight canaries on the balcony. These yellow fellows brought a welcome splash of colour to the UGM. Equally colorful was the language of AU miscreant Fabs, who was ejected by Chair Nat Black, who gets more and more like a Head Girl every week. The reports from the Sabbs, which have been unusually free of controversy for far too long, took longer than the wait for a panini in the Tuns. Gen Sec Willy was grilled over the lack of RnB music at Crush, a bandwagon which few of the over-excited hacks could resist jumping on. Whilst never a fan of "rhythm and blues" at Crush (Jack has been unsuccessfully petitioning Deadly Dorian to have a Barry Manilow night in the underground for some time now). Jack does not like to see the normally well-attended Underground Bar at Crush as empty as the SU's bank account. It is clear to Jack that the problem is not the genre of music, nor the audience it attracts - it is that the underground bar is simply too packed. The balcony weighed in with the intellectual rigor they have become renowned for, highlighting the "lack of easy, loose women" as the reason for over-aggressive behavior at Crush. Have they never met the American general course girls who congregate around the pool table. Jack wonders? With allegations of racism echoing around the Old Theatre, Jack was pleased to see the sensible figure of Anti-Racism officer Farhan Islam ascend the steps to the stage and speak with reason and good common sense to some of the hacks, who were by this stage foaming at the mouth with the thought of scoring vital political points in this key pre-election time. Jack wonders - if our friends at Westminster City Council decide, on the basis of assaults at Crush, to revoke the Union's license, thus depriving the SU of one of its main fiscal sources, and thus significantly reducing the £2 5k salary on offer to next year's Sabbs, would the hacks crying "racism!" be so keen to run for such a position? Jack thinks not. lavasH sfiT News The Beaver 1 February 2005 Inaugral LSE SU Development week launched Owen Coughlan Organised by the LSE SU Development Society with the aim of promoting the United Nations Millennium Development Goals, Development Week 2005 began yesterday and continues with a series of events, culminating in a charity auction on Thursday. Established at the beginning of Michaelmas Term by second year Management students Verena Letzerich and Millen Wolde-Selassie, the Development Society has been extremely successful, recruiting almost 200 members and aiming to spread knowledge of worldwide development issues through speakers, debates and events. The move to organise such a large scale event as Development Week however, has been seen by some as ambitious for such a young society, but nevertheless, the organisers have managed to attract a number of high profile speakers to their series of lectures. Letzerich, Society President and co-founder, told The Beaver that "The existing societies do great work, but we wanted to do something different, something more broad covering all important issues that arise, and promoting involvement with the ultimate goal of adding personal development to LSE's academic challenge." The week will see discussions featuring the likes of Ian Goldin, the Vice President of World Bank and Adrian Wood of the Department of International Development. The speakers, who also include representatives from Oxfam, the International Labour Organisation, Womankind, Wateraid, the Institute of Development Studies as well as the LSE, will be reviewing and analysing various issues arising from the formation of the UN Millennium Development Goals. The eight goals, which all 191 United Nation Member States have pledged to achieve by 2015, include eradicating extreme hunger and poverty, combating HIV, and promoting gender equality and empowering women. The goals were agreed upon at a United Nations Summit of world leaders in 2000 in New York, and are widely represented as the best hope for the international community to work together to eradicate poverty. LSE SU Development Week 2005 will come to a climax on Thursday evening with "Pure: party for your conscience" in the Quad. The highlight of the evening will be a charity auction featuring 20 LSE students and a number of the school's famous faces, including Director Howard Davies, Economics lecturer Danny Quah, as well as LSE Students' Union General Secretary Will Macfarlane, and Athletic Union President Pete Davies. The volimteers will go for dinner with the highest bidder, and all proceeds wiU be donated to Wateraid, an international charity dedicated to helping people escape poverty and disease caused by living without safe water and sanitation. Development week projects were based on goals set by the UN in 2000 Co-founder Millen Wolde- and we hope that we achieve this Selassie told The Beaver that "Being socially aware and concerned does not have to be boring. with the 'Pure' concept. A lot of work went into this - hopefully everyone will have a great time." Donaldson outlines change In US market regulation at LSE Donaldson speaking at the LSE last week / Photo; Marta Skundric Dharini Nagarajan and Mark Power_ William H Donaldson, chairman American financial services regulator, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), spoke at the LSE last IViesday, on the controversial issue of accountancy regulations for companies listing on US stock exchanges. Donaldson's lecture, chaired by LSE Director Sir Howard Davies who was himself formerly head of Donaldson's UK equivalent, the Financial Services Authority (FSA), attracted controversy due to his seeming indication that companies would be given incentives to de-list from American stock exchanges. In a move which prompted Davies to claim that a number of companies would cease to list on US stock exchanges, Donaldson suggested regulations governing accountancy regulation would be changed in order to allow easier delisting for companies not wanting to conform to tightening rules on corporate governance. The new regulations, which come under the Sarbanes-Oxley Act on corporate governance introduced after the Enron scandal, will according to some companies, push compliance costs for listing on US stock exchanges prohibitively high. The problematic portion of the legislation. Section 404, requires companies listing in the US to declare any shortcomings in accountancy practices that may result in misreporting. The regulations, due to come into force towards the end of the year for European companies, are anticipated to dissuade companies from listing in the US and provoke de-listing by some. In what will be considered by many in the financial services sector as an important annoimce-ment that the SEC intends to relax rules governing delisting, effectively paving the way for companies with high costs to leave US stock markets. The announcements made by Donaldson prompted Davies's additional comments to The Times in which he claimed that a significant number of British companies would dump their listings in the US in an attempt to avoid the tough new rules. Donaldson concluded on the note that everyone involved should attempt 'to maintain high standards - legal, regulatory, and ethical - that breed trust and confidence' and only then will the place of the world's securities markets be assured of 'prosperity' . throughout the globe. HEFCE report details ''deep inequalities'' in education Richard Holden The recently published report on the participation of yoimg people in higher education by the Higher Education Funding Coimcil for England (HEFCE) has highlighted some startling figures on the take up of higher education amongst 18 and 19 year olds. The report's findings showed that women, bom in September to professional parents, living in a pleasant area (Kensington and Chelsea or Westminster or at least a leafy and suburban in the South East), who take regular holidays and who crucially have a dishwasher at home, are at least ten times more likely to gain a degree than a working class male, bom in August who does not have the benefits of a decent secondary school, nor a dishwasher, and who resides in David Blanket's Sheffield Brightside constituency. The report shows that "participation increas(ed) by just 2% over the 1994-2000 period", and although there has been "a small fall in relative participation inequality ... advantaged areas generally showed the largest absolute percentage point increase in participation". The overall proportion of young people in Higher Education Institutions (Universities) is 29%, with a further 1% of the population, a large number of whom live in remote areas of Scotland, studying at a higher education level through Further Education Institutions. These figures however mask a 'drop out rate' which leads to an estimated "effective young participation rate of around 25% for England". The figures will, however, prove a heavy blow to the govem-ments plans to have 50% of those between 18 and 30 in higher education, or having been through higher education by 2010. The LSE press office informed The Beaver that the LSE offers places "based on a fair and equitable assessment of their (the students) potential, based on what they've achieved academically in their individual circumstance". However, many have questioned the feasibility of easily offering equal opportunity to all who apply to the LSE on personal merit when, as Tim Collins, the Conservative Education spokesman (and LSE Economics graduate) told The Independent "It is clear from this report that children from disadvantaged areas are far more likely to have encountered poor standards in their secondary education". In addition an article in The Times stated earlier this month that it is not only better schools and teachers that are required but a removal of the "poverty of circumstance and aspiration". However, as the report foimd, the scene has not been one of total stagnation and widening inequality. Indeed, according to the report there have been slight pro- portional increases in participation in higher education amongst lower socio-economic groups in London, an area in which as The Guardian highlighted, "the benefits of a graduate education are more visible - .. .jobs and money". Nonetheless, the report concluded that there were still "deep broad and persistent inequalities in educational provision." The government therefore faces a daunting task if it is to fulfill its promise of a more meritocratic society. Indeed, vwth the vast majority of top imiversities set to charge the maximum top up fee with the introduction of the controversial higher education reform next year, many have predicted that problems are set to escalate. The Beaver 1 February 2005 Houghton Street turns over a new leaf Brief New^ Chris Heathcote News Editor Houghton Street has been brightened up with the planting of six new trees. The street runs through the centre of the LSE campus, but is owned and maintained by Westminster City Council. It has frequently been criticised for its drap appearance and near-constant building work, but so far response to the trees has been positive. The work was carried out by the council in conjunction with the School which has part-financed the improvements to the street. The tree planting is the latest in a long programme of developments which has so far included, repaying, pedestrianisation, new lighting and the installation of benches. As recently as three years ago, there were trees on Houghton Street but they were removed when the improvement project began and ever since School and Students' Union have campaigned for their return. SU Environment and Ethics Officer, Joel Kendrick said he was delighted by the news of trees, "as we move towards spring they will help to brighten up Houghton Street and make it a more friendly place to be," he said, "hopefully this will be the last time the road is dug up for a while," he added. He said that the SU was constantly lobbying the School for improvements to be made to the campus environment and that future proposals could include the creation of a roof-top garden. New trees being planted last week. / Photo: Marta Skundric Early alarm Residents of High Holbom were abruptly awoken by a fire alarm last Friday morning. Around 8.30 am, the 450 inhabitants of the residential hall had to immediately evacuate the building, most still wearing their pajamas. Later that day, the hall management explained in an e-mail to the residents that the cause of the alarm was 'someone burning incense/josh sticks in their room (...). The smoke from this escaped when the door was opened and it then set off the smoke detectors in the corridor.' The warden, Dr Tim Forsyth, added that the person concerned had been fined and called on all students to keep their doors closed to prevent further false alarms. Arthur Krebbers Oxford plans to cut number of UK students Tu B'shvat Sophia Hatley o: Magdalen college Oxford: Future home to more International students? xford University has I announced proposals to recruit more international students in an attempt to tackle "chronic under-funding". The move comes as part of a radical reform program aimed at sustaining Oxford's ability to compete globally, particularly with its US counterparts. Other measures included reducing overall undergraduate numbers in the next five years, a undertaking which The Times has argued will result in "a loss of about 1,600 places for British undergraduates." A recent McKinsey study ranked Oxford third amongst world institutions, behind Harvard and, marginally, Stanford. However the new strategy paper claims that "available evidence suggests that if radical measures are not taken, Oxford's standing will decline." John Hood, the universities newly appointed vice-chancellor, told The Guardian that the current top-up fee maximum of £3000-a-year for every undergraduate course would make only a small dent in the financial loss it incurs per student, and that it would lobby to raise the limit. However the paper rules out full privatisation, which would enable the institution to set its own fees. Instead they resolve to "implement a vigorous programme of international recruitment", raising the percentage of international undergraduates, who pay the full cost of their courses, from 8% to 15% in the next ten years. They also aim to raise income from endowments, from which they currently receive around £70m annually, compared to Harvard's £262m. Numerous other institutions, particularly those in the UK's Russell Group of top-universities, have recently stepped up efforts to attract higher numbers of international students, which provide a lucrative source of revenue. Indeed many are actively seeking to emulate the LSE's model for international students. Other areas of reform set out in the paper include improving accessibility for underrepresent-ed groups and introducing a "greatly enhanced undergraduate bursary scheme." The Green Paper will go through a process of review before final plans are drawn up in the summer. German universities plan to introduce top-up fees Giles Henley Last week, the German High Court declared an existing ban in Germany on charging university students tuition fees unconstitutional, meaning that students at some universities wiU now face paying around 500 Euros (£347) per term. German universities had been amongst only a handful in Europe where all undergraduates could study for free. The ban was contested by a group of Conservative-ruled states who argued that it was the right of the local government to decide whether or not local universities should charge tuition fees. As a result, its likely that fees will be introduced in the states run by the Conservative and other right wing German parties, whilst those held by the Social Democrats and other left parties are likely to keep universities in their areas free. The issues raised are similar to those over top- up fees in the UK, with those in favour of fees arguing that it will result in universities becoming more competitive and therefore offering better levels of education, whilst those opposing it claiming that poorer students will be at a disadvantage. In response to the rulings, student bodies across Germany have scheduled strikes and protests starting in February which will carry on throughout the year. Berlin university: Possibly facing the introduction of top-up fees Last Ibesday the LSESU Jewish Society presented a stall on Houghton Street to celebrate the Jewish festival of Tu B'shvat. Tu B'Shvat is an annual event more commonly known as 'Birthday of the Trees' and hence an abundance of fruit eating is the traditional method of celebrating. The festival dates back thousands of years. Jewish Society Chairman Josh Bellin commented after, "the event was a great success and attracted much attention from a wide variety of students." Simon Chignell Library alarm A fire alarm sounded at LSE's Library on Tuesday after being accidentally triggered by routine maintenance. Hundreds of students were haphazardly evacuated when the alarm stopped ringing and library fire wardens walked from floor to floor announcing that students must vacate. Deputy Librarian Maureen Wade told the Beaver that a full survey of the fire alarm/detection system would be conducted this week. "In the future, maintenance of the system wiU be carried on outside Library opening hours to avoid inconvenience to users caused by this sort of false alarm," said Wade. Adam Tomczik New journal The LSE SU Philosophy Society has launched its first ever journal, 'Apeiron' (meaning 'the unlimited'). This philosophic magazine will be available on several places around campus. It contains articles by LSE students on all kinds of philosophic issues, such as the existence of God, enlightenment, artificial intelligence and identity theory. The society advises students to get their hands on copies of Apeiron quickly, as only 75 have been printed. Arthur Krebb^ .......... 6" Cbmmeht Analysis' TkeJBel»v«ifr 1 February 2005 Students and politics Vladimir Unlcovsid-Korica sees students and politics as inseparable There has been some talk lately of making the weekly UGM more about 'students, not polities': do we prefer 'a loud, campaigning union with fractious UGMs...[o]r a quiter [sic] union, working for students, leaving world politics to the professionals...' (as Mr Daniel FVeedman put it)? In fact, the discussion ought to move beyond such a simplistic dichotomy, locating student affairs as a - distinct - part of a more general process. Nationally and internationally, the demand for technically specialised labour in the 'knowledge economy' has made the primary concern of university today the cost-effective production of valuable commodities, highly skilled and versatile students (us), for sale on the market. And funding from government and big business comes the way of universities by how well, how fast, and how many of us they manufacture. Hence more exams than ever; greater numbers of students in classes and 'seminars'; less academic subjects and ever more vocational training; and top-up fees, which introduce a more cost-effective way for people to 'choose' (buy) their 'product' (education): the market. Within such a paradigm, it becomes impossible to pretend that wider issues do not affect students. And the line 'students, not politics' becomes a way of saying 'ordinary' people can't decide for themselves, leave politics to 'professionals'. Let's face it: this is a deeply political (Toiy?) and profoundly elitist view. Yet, wasn't it those same 'professionals' who, for example, intervened Happy students politicking together. in oil-rich Iraq, basing themselves on the worst miscalculations and lies, to prevent the '45-minute' threat? This 'professional' intervention continues to cost the country billions and exacerbate problems like Islamophobia and racism, all of which impacts on university-funding and students' welfare. By contrast, large 'ordinary' and 'unprofessional' majorities in well-attended UGMs shared the view that intervention was wrong and ought still to be opposed... Surely, though, part of the reason students do not attend UGMs is precisely because they see our Union is often unable to influence significant developments like the choice of Director, or how academic courses are structured, taught and assessed? Although 'left' UGMs have in fact passed many motions more clearly relevant to students, like deciding to do more to recycle paper or provide more funds for childcare at the university for student mothers, our views regarding library opening hours or top-up fees, and therefore free Wednesday afternoons, are still considered irrelevant to school-making policy. Ultimately, is the reason we are not consulted over any more substantive issues precisely because the commodity should be prevented from raising its own cost on the market for such whimsical reasons as the desire as to call itself a non-commodity, a human being? The market may look like a benign, objective and immutable force. Nonetheless, recent research produced at the University of Warwick shows that for all the talk of meritocracy and social mobility in the West over the last half-century, IQ (for all it is worth) and performance at school is directly linked to parents' earning capacities. Let us not forget that the market is not immutable: it remains structured by state intervention (i.e. political decision), albeit prompted by big business. 'Students, not politics' condemns us to oiling a machine handed to us without any input on our part. We ought to reject this and make a stand: we should demand more UGMs and more power for UGMs; less power for sabbatical officers; and 'students and politics' as the content of our debates. Singing a different tune Ali Dewji found the arguments put forth by the Sabbs at the UGM wanting. There are only two sets of arguments that support the theory that suspending RnB music can decrease violence. Either RnB incites its listeners to behave violently, or RnB attracts people that are more likely to behave violently. As for the first theory, there is no evidence that would suggest that Beyonce is more likely to cause someone to behave violently that Marilyn Manson. Until there is such evidence, this theory can remain in the dustbin. The second theory seems more plausible: the crowd that comes to Crush to hear RnB in the Underground is more violent than the one that comes to hear rock/pop/whatever in the Hins and Quad. The most obvious difference between the two is racial. In general and with many exceptions, among students, RnB music is popular. In general and with many exceptions, among students who are Black, Black British, British Asian or South Asian, RnB music is quite popular. So if we assert that the crowd that likes RnB is more violent, and the only noticeable distinguishing characteristic of that that crowd is that it has more Blacks and Asians in it, we are drawn to the conclusion that it is violent because of their presence. This argument was of course not offered by any of our Sabbs in defence of the policy, who would quickly have been accused of being racists, which they are not. But if race isn't what makes the Underground crowd more violent the burden falls on our Sabbs to say what does. Until they do, the suspension is unjustified, and we are right to be suspicious of a policy which, at face value, appears to blame Blacks and Asians for violence, and targets their musical preferences to discourage them from attending Crush. Two separate responses to these suspicions were offered. Mr. Macfarlane cited RnB as a contributing factor to violence, implying that he supports the policy on its own merits. Treasurer Gareth Carter stressed instead that choices were limited by outside authorities. Lastly, LSESU Anti-Racism officer Farhan Islam stated categorically that although eveiyone on the SU executive was unhappy with the decision, it was absolutely necessary to protect our license, implying clearly that it would not have been taken otherwise. Mr. Islam's claim is inconsistent with Mr. Macfarlane's original defence of the decision as necessary for safety, implying that it would have been taken regardless of license concerns. Indeed, Mr. Macfarlane's initial report of the decision included no mention of immense outside pressure or unhappiness among the entire executive. There wasn't even an apology to those students who would be marginalised by the policy. Instead, Mr. Macfarlane stated plainly that the decision had been made, and then he paused to receive applause from the balcony. Interestingly, Mr. Islam has yet to comment on the balcony's new-found enthusiasm for "regrettable, but necessary, short-term measures" to reduce drunken rowdiness at the expense of Black and Asian students. Mr. Azan Marwah insightfully observed that the Underground seems to be disproportionately crowded at Crush because the music is popular with everybody, which suggests that playing RnB in more areas during Crush, rather than less, would relieve some of the congestion that most people believe contributed, more than music, to violence last term. Rather than defend their decision against such alternatives, the Sabbs responded from the start with hostility. Mr. Carter was even heard condescendingly deflecting questions with "which meeting are you referring to?". As if a limited knowledge of SU committees precludes us from questioning his decisions. One of the meetings we pay you to attend, Mr. Carter. The Beaver 2nd Floor, East Building LSE Students' Union London WC2A2AE email: thebeaver@lse.ac.uk EXECUTIVE EDITOR Prashant Rao MANAGING EDITOR - SimOn Chignell :l- BUSINESS MANAGER Michael Fauconnier-Bank NEWS EDITORS ; Chris Heathcote; Sam Jones'!"'^ BLINK EDITORS Tracy Alloway; James Upsher B:ART EDITOR ' ^ Wejdan Ismail SPORTS EDITORS. J . : v Jennifer Bush; Ed Calow GRAPHICS EDITOR Stacy-Marie Ishmael FILM EDITOR Sarah Coughtrle e MUSIC EDITORS Matt Boys; Ben Howarth LITERARY EDITOR ion Martea VISUAL ARTS EDITOR Nastarart Tavakoli-Far ABOUT EDITOR : , Gareth Rees THE COLLECTIVE Dominic Al-Badri, James Allen, Matt Axworthy, Alison Ball, Nestor Barsham, Jay Bassan, Morwenna Bennett, Matthias Benzer, Jeff Berman, Sian Beynon, Ruby Bhavra, Alison Blease, Neshwa Boukhari, Jess Brammar, Caroline Bray, Carolina Bunting, Kate Burke, Sumit Buttoo, Gareth Carter, James Caspell, Ben Chapman, Brian Choudhary, Sal Chowdhury, Saalim Chowdhury, Joanna Clarke, Simon Cliff, Dave Cole, Naomi Colvin, Chloe Cook, Owen Coughlan, Pete Davies, Jon de Keyser, Kanan Dhru, Laura Doliin, Mark Donahue, Jan Daniel Dormann, Jan Duesing, Grace Duffy, Sian Errington, James Eyton, Daniel Freedman, Juli Gan, Vishna Gandhi, Alex George, Alex Goddard, Ceri Griffiths, Steve Gummer, Louise Hastie, Mark Hultum, Nazir Hussain, Nawaz Imam, Irina Janakievska, Tom Jenkins, Angus Mulready-Jones, Prashant Joshi, Laurence Kavanagh, Stefanie Khaw, Joel Kenrick, Paul Kirby, Arthur Krebbers, Khalyani Kumaran, Aeden Lake, Joanne Lancaster, Tristram Leach, Adrian Li, Kheng Lim, Van Lim, Elaine Londesborough, Will Macfarlane, Kim Mandeng, Olivia Mantle, Paul McAleavey, John McDermott, James Meadway, Amy Morgan, Mala Nangia, Anna Ngo, Samantha Nicklin, Justin Nolan, Trina O'Driscoll, Rob Parker, Neel Patel, Eliot Pollak, Keith Postler, Mark Power, Adam Quinn, Saima Qureshi, Gerard Raiti, Loretta Reehill, Simon Rees, Dimitrios Rovithis, Dom Rustam, Matt Rushworth, Noam Schimmel, Olivia Schofield, Jai Shah, Marta Skundric, Elliot Simmons, Matthew Sinclair, Kristin Solberg, Nick Spurrell, Jimmy Tam, Nastaran Tavakoli-Far, Sarah Taylor, Chenai Tucker, Natalie Vassilouthis, Alykhan Velshi, Alex VIncenti, Ellle Vyras, Greta Wade, Jane Waklwaka, Claudia Whitcomb, Matt Willgress, Hayden Wood, Babar Zaka, Ruksana Zaman PRINTED BY THE NORTHCLIFFE PRESS If you have written three or more articles for The Beaverand your name does not appear in the Collective, please email thebeaver@lse.ac.uk and you will be added to the list in next week's paper. The Beaver is available In alternative formats. The«el^e^'»' 1 Febraary 2005 Cbmmeht Analysis' The Beaver Comment No food for thought To describe Salah Mattoo as a 'colourful character' as Treasurer Gareth Carter recently did would be a gross understatement Mattoo's most recent claim that he will not attend the next four UGM's is nothing short of extraordinary. That he encourages international students to attend the weekly Union meeting makes his declaration hj^pocritical. He believes that UGMs are not representative of international students (which is not news to anyone at this publication), yet he encourages international students to attend while he himself refuses to. Mattoo also believes that the post of International Students' Officer should be abolished - we wonder if the 586 students who voted for him would agree? Or the 3700-plus students who pay overseas fees? Mattoo does make one cogent point, however: international students are grossly under-represented in the Union, despite being, as one Union insider commented, 'a silent majority'. The argument that simply because he has no power and thus the position should be abolished is still ridiculous, though. How much "power" does the Anti-Racism officer have? What about the LGBT officer? With Global Week fast approaching. The Beaver would like to encourage Mattoo to take a more positive approach to his post: instead of proclaiming the impotence of his position, perhaps Mattoo could work within its constraints and make the week a roaring success. Perhaps he could show that, despite the many limitations of the post of International Students' officer, something substantive can be achieved nonetheless. Surely Mattoo could spare an hour in his busy weekly schedule and submit to any possible questions the UGM might have, or is it too much to ask that he fulfil his duties as an elected SU Executive officer? For and poorer Last week was the first time in months that the UGM could have lived up to its billing - students were beginning to directly question decisions made by the Executive, and if nothing else, were holding them to account, making them justify their choices in a public forum. It was almost what the UGM is supposed to be all about. Until, of course, the balcony boys got involved. The balcony boys, once again, completely disrupted the line of inquiry that was progressing quite well last Thursday by vociferously bellowing their disapproval that the discussion was even taking place. While The Beaver does not condemn the very existence of the balcony boys (they are, after all, a vital source of humour at most otherwise listless UGMs), we wonder if they could, on occasion, allow for some form of discussion or debate without their exuberant screams preventing countless students from voicing their opinions? The UGM, it has to be said, is not a welcoming place, and while we enjoy the sharp wit of many of the balcony boys, we do wish that they would not be so obnoxious and intimidating to UGM newcomers as often as they are. For richer and poorer Recent environmental improvements at the LSE are to be applauded as the School has stopped hiding behind the mask of a small university with little apparent impact on its surrounding environment and has resolved to set an example for all its students. While the improvements listed are minor on the surface, they set an effective tone of environmental friendliness around campus and are the latest in a series of moves to ensure we do our part. Indeed, many offices in the Students' Union's East Building are furnished with recycling bins. It seems that, contrary to the remarks of one UGM speaker last year, the environment does matter in urban areas. The Beaver Is holding elections for: Theatre Editor in El 68 on Monday, February 7th at 6pm All may stand. Only Collective members may vote. Correction The Beaver would like to make a correction to the article titled, "Hall constitutions to be brought under SU control?". The SU does not want all halls to follow a single constitution. The Beaver apologises for this error. Correction The Beaver would like to make a correction toan editorial titled, "For richer and poorer". Rents will not range between £125-£164 as stated; they will range between £82-£125. The Beaver apologises for this error. Letters to the Editor The Beaver offers all readers the right to reply to anything that appears in the paper. Letters should be sent to thebeaver.editor@lse.ac.uk, and should be no longer than 250 words. Letters may be edited prior to publication. The deadline for submission is 3pm on the Sunday prior to publication. Dear sir, I am surprised by last week's front page article. As a PuLSE FM dj, I play R&B just about every week on my radio show. However, as far as I'm aware there haven't been any fights in the Quad on Friday mornings. What part of R&B is meant to be causing the violence anyway? The Rhythm or the Blues? The first is inherent in all music and the second is a means of expressing one's sad thoughts. And also: can you imagine Usher or Destiny's Child beating any one up? No, if we really want to reduce the violence in and around SU property, we should do something about the cloakroom. Yes, I'm talking about the 2AM 'collecting your jacket human rat race'. Too many students with too much alcohol in their blood in too small an area. Why don't the Sabs have a look at that? Arthur Krebbers Dear sir. In last week's issue, Natasha Sharoff extolled the values of Madrid in becoming the host for the 2012 Olympics. When asked "What are Madrid's weaknesses?" she delivered possibly the most narrow-minded statement I've ever read in Blink (and that's saying something). Ms Sharoff believes that the key weakness to the world's biggest sporting event going to her home city is the fact that "In Spain...things always take longer than they're supposed to!" I presume Ms. Sharoff did not watch the recent Spain v. England football match played in Madrid, in which black English players were subjected to horrendous racial abuse by Spanish supporters. I also presume that Ms Sharoff has never seen the 'Ultras' at Real Madrid's Bemabeu stadium, who take great delight in waving SS logos and barracking players of ethnic minorities - including ones playing for their own team -Roberto Carlos and Claude Makelele being prime examples. Racism in sport is not limited to Madrid, or Spain for that matter. But it is clear that the country is several years, if not decades, behind the rest of Europe in attempting to stamp out. Maybe this is what Ms Sharoff meant by "Things in Spain always take longer than they're supposed to." Paul McAleavey Captain, LSE Sevenths Champagne Beaver each week that he is running out of relevant points to make. What is surprising is that he thinks that his baseless and offensive acaccasations will find a welcome audience amongst a well-informed and tolerant student body such as that at the LSE. His bizarre and inaccurate accusation last week that LSE SU Postgraduate Students' Officer Matthew Willgress had the same politics as Kim Jong II was nothing other than vindicative. It is not merely the content of Mr Freedman's article, however, that has spurred us to write this letter. Rather it is that he chose to make these shameful allegations not in his own column where we are all used to hearing this kind of confused paranoia but he made them in a piece that was disguised as an attempt to address an important issue, namely the future of our UGM. He had the opportunity to raise relevant and meaningful points about this topic and unfortunately he instead decided to try and discredit a particular candidate in the run-up to the week 8 SU elections, something The Beaver should not be used for As non-partisan readers of The Beaver we hope that column inches will be used in a more honest manner in the future. Rosanna Wiles Donovan and Laura E Dear sir, It is not surprising given the volume of literature that Daniel Freedman has published in The Dear sir. With regards to Peter John Cannon and Simon Bottomley's criticisms on the article I wrote. Peter John argued that the left have selective views with the focal points being; oppression, war and human rights. While my brothers and sisters are killed in Palestine (irrespective of their sexuality, age or gender) how can I talk specifically about gay rights; while my brothers and sisters die in Iraq how can I talk about a rise in taxes; while my brothers and sisters are burnt to ashes, tortured and blown up how can I not feel their pain. I am a human being. While innocent people's lives are made a hell and put at risk because of an imperialist occupation I will raise my voice against imperialism. I have a heart. I have feelings. I can not keep quiet while I have the right defend this fact against ignorance. Simon Bottomley stated that Palestinian gays and lesbians are being tortured and that it is wrong to ignore it, this is fair enough. I acknowledge that these are also injustices which need attention. However people like Daniel Freedman, who support the war because it creates jobs for the unemployed, use these points to portray Palestinians as the 'bad guys' and the Israelis as the 'good guys'. On these grounds they try to persuade people that Palestinians are evil. It is people like Freedman who refrain from mentioning how many lives of innocent children the Israelis have arbitrarily taken. Cagdas Canbolat Dear sir, I very much agreed with Peter John Cannon's excellent letter last week pointing out the hypocrisy of the far-left. I have one important correction to make however. He writes that "when the Far Left governed over a quarter of the world. 90 million people were killed by Communist regimes." Actually 100 million people have been killed by communist regimes: China: 72 million, Soviet Union 20 million, Cambodia 2.3 million. North Korea 2 million, Africa 1.7 million, Afghanistan 1.5 million, Vietnam 1 million. Eastern Europe 1 million, Latin America 150,000. That's another 10 million reasons why the far-left have to be stopped. Daniel Freedman Dear sir. As a regular reader of your paper I was very disappointed to read your article last week "Hall constitutions to be brought under SU control" that contained much inaccuracy. At no stage has the Students' Union suggested that aU the halls should have the same constitution. Each hall is individual in its style, character and needs and the constitutions reflect this. Over my term as LSE Student's Union Residences officer I have supported Passfield and Butlers Wharf Hall Committees in amending their constitutions where these amendments have been needed and would be delighted to assist any other halls who wish to do the same. I found it bizarre that having explained the situation at length both at the UGM and on the phone to The Beaver, before the article was written, the situation was still misrepresented. I hope this is an isolated incident and that in the future the News Editors are more careful in deciding what is worthy of inclusion. The Beaver is the student body's sole source of news regarding events on campus and it is essential that it maintains the utmost standards in accuracy and balance. Rishi Madlani LSE SU Residences Officer 8 blink TlielBeaver 1 February 2005 Features Features Correspondent: Steve Gummer blink Editors: Tracy Alloway & James Upsher Features A pathetic or apathetic union? "...the real factor lacking at the current time in the Union is student participation.." pg. 8-9 Is the music innocent? "...music can be a catalyst for violence through invoking certain thought patterns." pg. 10 Save London from the Olympics "...the Olympics is likely to add further to London's already epidemic housing shortage." pg. 11 Politics The prince of darkness blink interviews Richard Perle, former Chairman of the Defence Policy Board to the Bush administration. pg. 12-13 The incredible Tories "It was this theme that made me suddenly realise that The Incredibles is suffused with a thoroughly Ciceronian Toiy sensibility." pg.14 Making poverty history "Too often conditions are attached to debt relief when it does happen, with regards to public spending, which do not take into account the particular needs of countries." pg. 15 International Development week special pg. 16-17 Sexual imperialism: America's 'moral'aid policy "With the re-election of George W. Bush, the assault on women's reproductive rights is bound to increase..." pg.i8 A tale of two countries "South Korea represents what Kenya could have been." pg.i9 Two Chinas, one big problem "What do the Taiwanese want? The answer is that the issue of Taiwanese national identity is as convoluted as that of the relationship between China and Taiwan pg. 20 A pathetic or apathetic union? Steve Gummer interprets the results of a Students' Union survey and argues that it is indifference not inability, that is crippling the SU. The littlest things in life can make the greatest difference - like a space between letters. At the UGM three quorums have been called, the Sabbs have been constantly quizzed about their activities and this paper, along with the AU, have been admonished for their behaviour. The budget is £90,000 in deficit, the new SU web site has failed to meet expectations and the wages of our sabbatical officers have risen despite election promises to the contrary. Over the past three weeks The Beaver has conducted a survey of 371 students to determine what people think about the current situation and where the future of the Union lies. On a first glance the statistics do not look good. Whilst the majority of students think Union issues make a difference (63 percent), only 42 percent have ever attended the UGM. Furthermore, a third of students are unable to name a single sabbatical officer. Most worryingly of all both the nature and the students who attend the UGM are considered to be the largest dissatisfaction within our SU. Upon asking one student if he felt proud to be a member of the LSESU he remarked: "Didn't even realise I was." worryingly, 136 people just could not bring themselves to answer the question. Equally in the dissatisfaction category many of the things we associate with our sabbaticals were present. The website, supposedly being designed by Communications Officer 'K' Kurshid Flaizullaev appeared prominently, as too did Treasurer Gareth Carter's pay hikes. One student expressed his discontent as; "We students are already poor; why doesn't he give the money to us?" The communications officer himself was considered by 17 people to be the biggest dissatisfaction of the LSE SU and many students questioned the need for his office at all. This concept was expressed in question seven where strong support was shown for more money being put towards individual societies and not on another Sabb's wages. The UGM also took a battering in the poll, it is considered by quite a large margin to be the biggest dissatisfaction of the Union. Many who voted for this category did not have an express problem with the institution itself, but with the people who frequently attend it. Some believed the event to be too petty; others reiterated the point made last week by blink writer Alex 10. What is your biggest source of satisfaction with regards to the LSE SU? Crush PuLSE Website Societies Individual Societies Shop Beaver UGM Nothing Tlie Tuns 1 0.4% 0% Percentage of students The LSE has always been a political university. In the past we have consistently and rightly prided ourselves on our active political participation. We are the only Union in the country to have a weekly UGM. Yet the levels of apathy and discontent highlighted by this survey question the existence not only of the UGM, but also some of the sabbatical positions. What is the cause of this ill will? Are we being failed by those who represent us or are we, the student body, failing the institutions that have long been a source of pride at our University? The case for poor representation... The survey does not contain happy reading for our four sabbatical officers. If, we could pick them out of a crowd it might be worth expressing our conmiiserations. When people were asked question 10 (do you feel proud to be a member of the LSE SU?) 106 people said no directly; but more Finnegan, that the UGM is not welcoming to new members and not student-orientated enough. The voice of one student made the point loud and clear; "I don't think the UGM should reach students more actively; I think it should cease to exist." With the success of individual societies in the 'satisfaction category' and the large number of students who could think of nothing positive to say about their union, is it time for a change in the sabbaticals approach and the approach of all those who claim to represent the students of the LSE? But what are you doing for the Union... The above ideas would be a simple conclusion. Blame those at the top of the hierarchy for the seeming discontent. However, whilst the survey certainly does not glorify our elected officials, I believe it highlights a greater problem: student apathy. The contradictory results of questions four and five make worrying reading. The majority of people take very little interest in Union issues yet they also concede that union issues do make a difference to their lives. In addition, the "nothing positive to say option" shown in question eight could have been used to criticise our officials but for the fact that it is just as prominent in question nine regarding dissatisfaction as well. The three quorums called at UGMs this year are ample evidence that students are less interested in student issues. So too are the majority of voters in question 10 who had no fixed opinion on whether or not they were proud to be a member of the LSESU. If the student body genuinely believe that the UGM is a lost cause then that is a fair enough comment, but to not turn up when you feel that change needs to be made seems almost treasonous. We expect a lot from our sabbatical officers and they are rightly criticised when they make errors, but we cannot hold them responsible for the decline of a union through apathy surely? The major idea this survey underscores is the fact that many still believe that both the sabbatical officers and the UGM could serve a valid function but for careerism and grandstanding continually taking centre stage. If this is true then the real enemy at present is not those present at the UGMs but the ones who are not. So a pathetic union or apathetic union? Aaron Sorkin wrote, "decisions are made by those who show up." Could our Union politicians better represent us? There are times when this is undoubtedly accurate, yet the real factor lacking at the current time in the Union is student participation. It is too easy to point the finger of blame at Will, Gareth, Sian or K, to say that it is not worth attending as I will not make a difference but, this is flagrantly untrue. There are so many passionate voices and debates at the LSE. If the UGM is not debating what you want it to debate then raise the issue, if they are, then stand up and be coimted. It seems as though the UGM is on its last legs but to let it fall would be tragic. We have to all contribute more to the student forum in order to get the Union we deserve. The little things can make a great deal of difference to University life. So write for The Beaver, or do a show on PuLSE, or simply attend the UGM. If you do not agree with what I have written here, do not just read it and forget about it - complain. The LSE SU can matter to all students, whether in the guise of individual societies or the student politics element. Our Union is whatever we make it. There is a real need at the LSE, this so-called 'political school,' for some real participation - make your voice heard because ultimately, "Decisions are made by those who show up." blink management; Thinking about writing for blink? blink welcomes articles from all LSE students. Articles should be around 800-1000 words in length. Please include your name, department and year. Send articles to: thebeaver.blink@lse.ac.uk The blink contributors' guide is now available. Email us if you wish to receive a copy. blink will be having a sex issue in week six, send in your articles by February 12th. The Beaver 1 February 2005 blink 9 Features Correspondent: Steve Gummer No 57% No 33% No 59% No 37% 1. Have you ever attended the UGM? 2. If yes, would you ever attend again? 3. Have you voted In a student election this year? 4. "Union politics makes a difference to people like you." Do you agree with this statement? 5. Should more money and time be devot- No 37% ed to individual societies as opposed to Union politics? 6. "I am proud to be a member of the LSE No 55% SU." Do you agree or disagree with this statement? 7. On a rating from one to five, where one is low and five is high, what level of interest do you have in Union politics and issues? 140 120 100 80 60 40 20 0 33% 27% 20% 13% .. 1 _ 2 3 4 5 Rating from one to five Rating from one to five 8. How many of our four sabbatical officers can you name? 9. What is your biggest source of dissatisfaction with regards to the LSE SU? Wage Rises Nothing Deficit ite 3 14% Website 140 Number of sabbatical officers students can name Percentage of students 10 blink The Beaver 1 February 2005 Eves to the Left IFeatures Paying the Price James Caspell It is somewhat ironic that the world's oldest occupation is in fact illegal. However, after the approval of Liverpool's councillors, England's first prostitution tolerance zone could be s<"t up within months. Criminalisation of prostitution abandons women to dangers that are ignored by patriarchal and prejudicial societies. In the last year, 73 percent of Britain's 80,000 prostitutes have been assaulted. Over 60 have been murdered in the past 10 years. An unknown number of women are missing. In a third of all prostitute murders, the killer is never found. Conversely, in Europe's prostitution capital, Amsterdam, only two prostitutes have been murdered in the last five years; in a decriminalised environment CCTV, welfare support and counselling help to protect women who see no other economic choice than to fall into exploitation. Prostitution is a symptom of a society which burdens its most unprivileged citizens with the necessity to earn money. It is surely better to treat the problem itself as opposed to the symptoms, particularly when prejudice leads to ignorance of STIs, assault, rape and the murder of women. Aside from the Dutch model of blanket decriminalisation, Sweden has reduced overt prostitution by criminalising only the buyers. However this arguably forces the trade underground, putting women in much further risk, particularly in the wake of the boom in human trafficking. Human trafficking is one of the most gruesome examples of globalisation, as Western European demand for cheap, desperate young girls is supplied by violent and oligarchic pimps. Over one quarter of Britain's prostitutes are trafficked from Eastern Europe. A market solution would have governments ensuring that there is sufficient supply of voluntary sex workers fulfilling the demand for sexual services, thus reducing the proportion of the demand which is currently fulfilled by trafficked migrants. Essentially, states could defeat traffickers by competing with them. However, the market idiosyncrati-cally ignores the undesirable nature of the transaction; prostitution is not desirable for the women forced into it, whether by individuals or by societal circumstances. As with other negative externalities, societal intervention is needed to counter the worst excesses of the market. There is currently no legislation that provides support or protection measures for trafficked persons. An obsession with the 'illegal entiy' of these women ignores the fact that many come from troubled and violent backgrounds. Decriminalising and co-operating with prostitutes is the only way to unearth and prosecute the traffickers. Moreover, a more open approach to prostitution is the only way of protecting women from the plurality of dangers and neglect which they currently face in an ignorant and judgemental society. H Features Correspondent: Steve Gummer Is the music Can music really inspire violent behaviour? Prashant Joshi says it can. iBiimwnii Following the violence at the SU's entertainment night on New Years Eve, the Student Union began to examine the causes, one of which was supposedly RnB music. Music is a determinant of the type of people who attend such events, especially on ticket-only events such as this. Music is a part of almost everyone's life - in the tube you barely see someone without headphones in their ears. You will not see a car that does not come without some sound system. Why do people listen to music? Music has an effect on our consciousness and our mood - people listen to sad songs, lively songs, or calm songs depending on their mood. The ancient India texts say we are living in the kali-yuga, or "age of quarrel and hypocrisy." Due to the many divisions humanity has split itself into, where people become associated to the type of music they listen to, blaming the music will inevitably upset groups, who possibly did not intend on the music being part of such events. This article examines the effect of music, and whether music can be blamed for violence. With the advent of the web and the iPod, the availability of music is better than ever Most people have a particular taste in the music they like, be it classical, hip-hop, rap, or rock. By listening to music, people are affecting their consciousness when the lyrics and the tune reach their mind. We often sing along with songs, with lyrics we did not write, and which may not fit our circumstances, but we still recite the songs. We often try to relate the music to our particular situation, or recall situations we have been in. It becomes personal. The irony is that the lyrics probably were not written for us personally. Unconsciously in this way we let the music affect our mental state. When a sad song is on, it does not tend to have a positive impact on us. If we are excited, we might put on some faster music, which we hope will prolong the good mood. Hearing is a very potent sense. If we close our eyes, we cannot see even though things may be present before us. Contrastingly, even if we put our hands on our ears, we can still hear, especially in a nightclub. Music is very powerful and has a profound influence on our consciousness. Music certainly affects our thoughts, but can it affect our actions? The West has acknowledged the ancient Indian concept of karma which means 'action.' The theory of karma is that the seed of action is a 'thought,' which then becomes a stronger temptation, for which we may gather the resources to carry out, and finally the 'thought' manifests itself as an 'action.' Although we may not act upon every thought, we may choose to act on some. The influence of alcohol causes us to act in ways we would not usually act. Increased confidence levels mean that we are less hesitant to act. This means our thoughts can manifest into actions more easily, and the implications are self-explanatory. "Music is very powerful and has a profound influence on our con- sciousness. // Let us put this theory into context. At a nightclub the music is loud, which gives it more power. People are also physically engaged in dancing, increasing the extent to which they are influenced by the music. The content of the music, which has this big influence should therefore be analysed. This particular event at the LSE SU was overcrowded, and the music was predominantly hip-hop and RnB. RnB music tends to have a slower tempo than hip-hop, but artists such as Usher and R.Kelly tend to do a bit of both. RnB lyrics are usually focussed on aspects of relationships. Hip-hop lyrics tend to acknowledge the clubbing atmosphere more. The Ijrrics often are not so tame, for example "Get crunked up," by the Iconz says "but y'all think y'all hot while we live on top, and your crew does not." NORE, in "Nothin," say "Yo girl was lookin' at me, shes a haggler, no am not tagging her, but you don't want them boys to come over and start askin' ya." Indeed there are more loving lyrics than this in the world of RnB and hip-hop, nonetheless this is an example. It is not so sad that the question arises about banning a particular kind of music, but sad that people can loose their senses to an extent that such acts of violence are conducted. Given the combination of people under the influence of alcohol, crammed due to over-selling, and the male-female psychology happening as it was New Years Eve, does this kind of music, really help control the violence in the situation? Music has been, and is very much a part of our lives. RnB music is creative, with the lyrics reflecting on practical experiences of relationships. Hip-hop makes you feel lively, but with a context of a crowded nightclub on New Years Eve, where tensions are already high due to overcrowding and alcohol, music can be a catalyst for violence through invoking certain thought patterns. It is difficult to resist music having an effect on our thoughts and our consciousness, as it requires a great deal of independence, sense control and will power. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where almost anjrthing that has money-making potential is released without too much thought about its effects. This is clearly the case with the music industry, where the l5rrics in certain kinds of music are not the greatest shows of compassion, love and respect, which would encourage actions characterised by forgiveness, mercy and peace. The Beaver 1 February 2005 blink 11 Features Features Correspondent: Steve Gummer Save London from the Olympics Matt Axworthy makes the case against London hosting the 2012 Olympics. It is becoming increasingly fashionable for public figures to support London's bid to host the 2012 Olympics. An alliance of politicians ranging from Tory Lord Sebastian Coe to supposedly left-wing London Mayor, Ken Livingstone, tell us that to oppose London's bid is to be anti-British, or to be opposed to sport. We are told that now is not the time for reasoned debate about the actual consequences of the Olympic Bid proposals. Rather, we must all rally together and trust our politicians, and only dare to ask questions later, once the bid has been accepted and Britain is contractually bound to meet all the costs. In reality the Oljonpics may be bad for London, bad for sport in this country, and devastating for some of the capitals poorest and most vulnerable residents. The time for rational debate of the true costs of the Ol3mipic bid is now, before we are committed to paying for proposals that may have devastating consequences on our city. One of the first things to realise about the Olympic bid is the financial cost. Officially the cost of the bid is estimated at about £2.5 billion pounds. Of this more than half will be taken from Lottery money, much of it originally allocated to provide sporting facilities in many of Britain's poorer areas. The rest of the cash will come from London residents seeing their already high council tax bills increased still further. All of this assumes that miraculously the bid stays on budget. In reality it is virtually unheard of for a major project like this to stay on budget. The Sydney Olympics cost more than double the original estimate, and it has been suggested that Athens 2004 may end up having cost Greece nearly four times the original estimate. The Greek government admits to having spent at least £6.3 billion on the Olympics, a burden that the Greek taxpayers will be pajdng for many years to come. It is true that London has slightly more infrastructure than Athens in place, but the bid commits Britain to providing much of it from scratch. Given Britain's much higher labour costs and land prices, isn't it more realistic to believe that we wiU probably end up spending even more than the Greeks on the Games? This extra money will come out of ordinary tax payers' pockets, and all this for a two week event. It is true that some large corporate sponsors and proper- ty developers will benefit massively from the Olympics, but of course that's because they won't be the people paying for it. Supporters of the Olympics claim that holding it in Britain will help develop sporting facilities for young people up and down the country, however nothing could be further from the truth. Much of the Lottery funding that will be spent on the bid wiU be coming from lottery sports funds that otherwise would be providing a life line for struggling sporting facilities throughout the countiy. If London's bid is successful many proposed projects to provide sports facilities for young people will have to be abandoned and many existing facilities will be forced to close. "The decision to renovate East London should be made based on the needs of the community living there, not the needs of a two week sporting event." On top of this, the plan for the Olympic bid reveals that Hackney Marshes, Europe's largest expanse of community football pitches, will be destroyed and replaced with an Olympic car park. This will be destroying a historic facility that has been used by such footballing legends as David Beckham and Terry Venables to leam their skills. Sports fans need to decide what is more important to them, challenging the decline of local sporting facilities and providing opportunities for young people in communities up and down the countiy to get involved in sport, or sacrificing all this to provide expensive facilities for a small number of elite athletes. It has been suggested that hosting the Olympics in Britain may create a positive example for young people to get involved in sport. However this needs to be balanced against the potential negative messages the Olympics may send to young people. The Olympics today is a massively corporate-sponsored event, and two of the proposed sponsors for London's event are Coca Cola and McDonalds. In an age of growing obesity, is seeing the nation's, most accom- plished athletes associated with Coca Cola and McDonalds for two weeks on end really going to influence young people to live he^thier Lifestyles? In Athens and many previous Olympics, the facilities for housing athletes have been located in the poorest parts of the city, where land is cheapest. This often leads to rents in these areas soaring, as they did in Sydney. In Athens a large number of the poorest residents are now displaced and struggling to find somewhere to live in the wake of the Olympics. The homeless also often face increasing criminalisation to drive them from the streets of the host city, so that the sight of them will not offend the wealthy visitors in town for the games. In London's bid the Olympic Village is due to be located in Hackney, in East London, an area where many of those too poor to live in the city have been displaced to by earlier gentrification schemes. Hackney is also home to a lai^e number of council housing estates. While the backers of the bid tell us that there will be some new affordable Olympic houses, left over for London residents, they do not tell us how many existing tenants will see their homes destroyed to make way for these developments. When this number is combined with the number of people living in private accommodation who may be driven out by rising rents, the Olympics is likely to add further to London's already epidemic housing shortage. The decision to renovate east London should be made based on the needs of the community living there, not the needs of a two week sporting event. Similarly some of the money set aside to pay for the Olympics may be spent on new transport links, but wouldn't it be better to spend this money to improve transport in areas where demand already exists, rather than wasting it on providing transport Unks to allow people to travel to Olympic facilities that will probably be rarely used once the Olympics are over? Some of you will obviously disagree with me and feel that hosting the Olympics in London will give Britain a more positive image and be a source of national pride. Personally I would rather Britain had an image as a country with great public transport, an excellent school system, community sporting facilities, or decent health care, rather than an image of having squandered billions on a two week corporate PR exercise masked as a sporting event. The Right Approach UN-Acceptabie Daniel Freedman When George Shultz was US Secretary of State, he would call every new ambassador into his office, point to the globe and ask them to find their country. After they would point to their destination, he would correct them, "your country is here," and point to the US. I was reminded of this story after last term's visit to the LSE by Britain's ambassador to the UN, Sir Emyr Jones Parry. After he gave the usual boilerplate on the UN's importance, I asked him how he could be so optimistic given the UN's role in a series of scandals, and questioned Secretary General Kofi Annan's leadership - especially given his son Kojo's connection to the Oil For Food scandal. Sir Emyr's response was to attack "those" (he meant me) who try to poke holes in the UN that aren't there, and attacked the "scurrilous" accusations against Kofi and his son. Fast-forward to the present. The holes are now chasms, and the only thing "scurrilous" in our exchange was his defence of Mr. Annan. Since then - a full two years after allegations were first made - the UN has finally admitted that its staff sexually abused refugees in the Congo. Common among the 150 allegations were that young girls were coaxed into having sex in return for essential food. Over the last decade similar claims have come from Sierra Leone, Liberia, Kosovo and elsewhere. The UN's response has been to try and stonewall any investigations. In Cambodia the UN mission head infamously replied: "Boys will be boys." Also since Sir Emyr's visit further details of the Oil For Food scandal have emerged. By now you must be aware that Saddam siphoned off billions under the UN's watch and bribed officials from the UN and across the globe. While the UN was publicly denying any wrong-doing, it was privately firing off hush-letters warning people not to reveal anything to investigators. And Kojo? Mr. Annan initially asserted, and Sir Emyr dutifully parroted, that Kojo stopped working for the Swiss company Cotecna just before it suspiciously won a major contract. Since then, however, we have leamt Kojo actually kept on working for Cotecna till the end of the program. Scurrilous indeed. US Senator Norm Coleman wrote in the WaU Street Journal: "If this widespread corruption had occurred in any legitimate organization around the world, its CEO would have been ousted long ago. Why is the UN different?" Add to that the other recent scandal - the Congo Sex For Food - and there is no answer. My question is why our ambassador to the UN was so eager to defend it and Mr Annan? Perhaps the Shultz story shouldn't just be a nice anecdote, but policy before every ambassador is sent off. Because at the moment it seems we have an ambassador for the UN, not at the UN. 12 Politics blink The Beaver 1 February 2005 The prince of darkness When I called the office of former foreign policy advisor to Bush, Richard Perle, requesting an interview two weeks ago, the idea was to set up a time and date for the talk and then get someone else to do it (I'm sure he and Daniel Preedman would have had a lot to talk about). So when I phoned his office one week later asking whether they thought the interview was a possibility, you can imagine my surprise when Perle's assistant said "He'll do the interview immediately." Though I know The Beaver possesses loads of name-value and influential-cache in the political sphere, I must admit, I was not expecting such a rapid response from Perle. After asking anyone and everyone around The Beaver office, whether they felt like interviewing an actual neo-con-servative (albeit immediately) to no avail, I consigned myself to the inevitable possibility that I would have to do it myself. So after googling his name and coming up with key concepts such as 'prince of darkness,' 'uber-right-wing,' 'war-hawk,' 'pro-Israel,' 'conflict of interest scandal,' I wrote up some very quick questions. This is the interview that followed: Tracy Alloway (TA): Hello Mr. Perle. I'd like to thank you for agreeing to this interview. Richard Perle (RP): You're welcome. TA: You attended the LSE in the 1960s, when it was generally considered to be a rather left-wing institution, how was your experience at the school? RP: It was a wonderful experience. I know the LSE is considered left-wing now but in those days - I studied under Michael Oakshaw and he was anything but left-wing. I studied international relations, my tutor was a man called Hedley Bull. It was very enjoyable. TA: You started out your career working for a democratic senator (Henry M. Jackson), so did you start out as a democrat, was there something that converted you into a conservative later on? RP: I'm still a democrat, I'm still registered as a democrat, though I served in a Republican administration - the Reagan administration. But I never changed my policies - the policies of 'Scoop' Jackson. He was a democrat, but he was tough-minded. He was anti-totalitarian during the Cold War. The anti-totalitarianism strain within the democratic party was at one-time more powerful than it is today. The party's changed, but we haven't. TA: Could you comment on your nickname as the 'prince of darkness'? RP: Yes, I got it from Dennis Healey - it was a case of mistaken identity. A young reporter came to Washington in 1971, or maybe it was 1972, and wrote a profile about me. He called Healey who said that in Washington I was known as the 'prince of darkness.' This was a mistake though because it was Robert Novak. But the story was written and in my experience once a story is written it tends to get repeated. I long ago gave up trying to explain it. Former Chairman of the Defence Policy Board, Richard Perle blink Editor Tracy Alloway TA: Do you think the title reflects the nature of your policies at all? RP: No. I don't associate being anti-totali-tarian with the devil. TA: You were a very strong supporter of the war in Iraq - some have even claimed that you were behind the whole policy. Do you still believe the war was a good idea? RP: Yes, though there were better ways to remove Saddam. At the time we were unsuccessful at persuading the administration with these. We had originally proposed supporting the opposition to Saddam. The use of military forces only became a realistic option after 9/11 when it was necessary to depose Saddam quickly. TA: Do you still believe that there's a viable connection between Iraq and the September llth attacks? "The anti-totalitarianism strain within the democratic party was at onetime more powerful than it is today." RP: 9/11 caused us to rethink the risks that we are prepared to take. Before 9/11 we took risks allowing Al-Qaeda to operate, to our knowledge, in Iraq. After 9/11 we came to the conclusion that we could no longer stand by threats to our security without responding. TA: You've admitted before that the war violated international law - I think it was in a public forum in London - do you think the US should be held accountable for the breach, or is it a special exception? RP: No I didn't. I was careless and sloppy. It was at an Economist event. I said that the lawyers were advising the British and American governments that regime change did not have the same quality as WMDs under international law. But I don't believe it was illegal - especially not under Article 51 of the UN Charter and it was legal in connection with other UN resolutions. TA: You've advocated war on Iran in the past, do you think that possibility is any closer? RP: No. This is troubling. There's real carelessness in how my views are reported. There was a Cambridge book on neo-con-servatism for example, that didn't even use any quotes. I did not advocate war on Iran and you won't find a quote to say I did. The regime of the Mullahs is a brutal dictatorship and I'd like to see the regime changed and we should be supporting opposition to it. TA: Do you think war with Iran is closer? RP: I hope not. No one wants war. But it's important that Iran not acquire nuclear weapons. I would advocate action to prevent them acquiring nuclear weapons. They've threatened to annihilate Israel in the past. If they were to acquire them it would be veiy dangerous. We would be justified in taking pre-emptive action if they did, though what this action would be is impossible to define now in these circumstance. TA: Do you think America is sacrificing its own national interests for the sake of Israel's? RP: No and I hope we never do. We're sympathetic to Israel's plight. Israel has sworn enemies that want to destroy the state. It's a democratic state and a member of the UN - so we don't want to see that. We do however, want a settlement with the Palestinians. TA: You've said in the past that "removing Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq" was an "important Israeli strategic objective in its own right as a means of foiling Syria's regional ambitions." RP: No, that's not a quote from me. Where did you get that? Israelis wanted action on Iran more than on Iraq. The US would use force only because it believed it was in the US national interest. This line of question-ning reflects ideas that are ignorant and inexplicable. Look, there's no evidence for this, it's clumsy and unsuttle. I really think you just looked up my name on google and read the first 30 sites or so... TA: (Incredulous gasp). So you're saying all these rumours about you are untrue? People are just making things up about you out of thin-air? RP: Yes, well some of them do make it up out of thin air - bloggers do. Look, it's vaguely annoying to be called a spy. TA: So you have no interest in the Israeli adminisration? I think I read somewhere that you were a Likud advisor... RP: No I've never been a Likud advisor or any other Israeli advisor. My closest Israeli friend was Yitzhak Rabin - before he died. This idea comes from people who write whatever they think without any research. TA: You were a member of Bush's administration though? A foreign policy advisor? "Before 9/11 we took risks allowing Al-Qaeda to operate, to our knowledge, in Iraq." RP: I was chair of an advisory group made up of citizens outside the Bush administration. We expressed opinions to the Secretary of Defense. TA: There've been accusations of a conflict of interest between your role in Bush's administration and your business interests (Hollinger International, Trireme). Any comments on the relationship between big business and government, especially in the Bush administration? RP: What do you mean? TA: Well they're have been alleged ties between Bush and the Saudi royal family... RP: This is the silliest question I've ever heard in an interview. To the best of my knowledge the US president has no ties to the Saudi Arabian Royal family - it would be illegal if he did. Once you become president you have to divest yourself of all outside interests. Bush has done this. TA: What about Cheney and Haliburton? RP: Cheney has no business interests in the Bush administration and there's no evidence to support the claim that Cheney benefited in Iraq. It would be a major scandal if anything was discovered. The Haliburton claim is completely false. Cheney has no interest - he even purchased an insurance policy that would protect his pension rights even if Haliburton went bankrupt. TA: So you're saying there's no factual basis to any claims of a Bush administra-tion-big business entanglements. RP: Yes. Where do you draw the line? These are wild assertions without any evidence to back it up - irresponsible. TA: (Inspired by the sniggering of SU Treasurer Gareth Carter). Do you think listening to RnB music leads to violence? RP: I don't listen to it. I don't know, I doubt it. I imagine a specific song could lead to violence but the whole category - I don't know... TA: You coming to LSE any time soon? The Beaver 1 February 2005 blink 13 Politics Tracy Alloway Interviews Richard Perle, and earns the dubious title of asking him the silliest question he's ever heard in an Interview. RP: I don't know, I haven't been invited. TA: Well thank you for the interview, I'm sure the students of the LSE will be interested to hear this... RP: Listen, I urge you to be sceptical. Some people produce things out of thin-air with no factual basis. Like the accusation I was a Likud advisor. I don't even know what that means - who would I have been advising? I've never even met Ariel Sharon... TA: So you're saying this Perle-Israel connection allegation has no factual basis whatsoever? Even though you worked on the Jerusalem Post? You have no influence on the Israeli administration? RP: I was director of the Jerusalem Post. And let me be very, very precise, I have never met Ariel Sharon on a one-on-one basis. TA: So you have met him? But you have no influence on the Israeli government? RP: Yes, but only in group situations, I've never sat down with him. No, I don't think so. And this is what I know now. Richard Perle has a long history of bad experiences with journalists. He even went so far as to call New Yorker writer Seymor Hersh "the closest thing America has to a terrorist," after Hersh published an article alleging that Perle had business interests with Saudi investors and stood to profit from influencing the Bush administration. Perle even threatened to bring a legal case against Hersh (so forgive the excessive use of 'allegedly' and 'reportedly' in this article). Perle likes to evade questions, and ignores almost every fact you can throw at him (even if you have them). With that in mind let's review the interview. With regards to his reputation as a war-hawk, it has been reported often and by right-wing news sources as well as the left, that he was a prime supporter of the war on Iraq. In a memo to Henry Kissinger, Jude Wanninski (another ultra-conserva-tive) writes that Perle is "...the world's No. 1 hawk" and has been "the chief architect of our policy towards the Arab/Islamic world." His alleged admission that the war is illegal occurred in November 2003, when he said "I think in this case international law stood in the way of doing the right thing" (as reported by The Guardian). And though he vehemently denied having any influence on the Israeli administration, he neglected to mention that he apparently produced a policy report for use by the Israeli government. The report, titled "A Clean Break: A New Strategy for Securing the Realm" was prepared by The Institute for Advanced Strategic and Political Studies and was allegedly penned by Perle and Douglas Feith, among others, in 1996. The paper recommends overthrowing Saddam Hussein as the first step towards destabilizing the governments of Syria and Iran, in the interest of Israeli security. The quotation I cited to Mr. Perle was taken from this paper, though Perle denied it was his. Allegations of a conflict of interest between Perle's business dealings and his government roles have been floating around for a while now. A formal complaint was issued by Judicial Watch in 2003 concerning Perle. In a previous investigation by the Department of Defence's Inspector General, Perle was acquitted of mixing his political influence and his stake in intelligence-related computer firm Trireme Partners LLP (which stood to profit from the war in Iraq) because federal conflict of interest rules don't apply to employees who work less than 60 days a year. Perle only worked eight days in a three-year span for Trireme. Nevertheless, Perle soon resigned as Chairman of the Defence Policy Board in March of 2003, citing that "I cannot quickly or easily quell criticism of me based on errors of fact concerning my [business] activities" (CNN). He has since been working as a resident fellow at the right-wing think tank, American Enterprise Institute for Public Policy Research. So that's it. You can form your own opinions on Perle now. As for me, I have learned two important journalistic lesions. One, preparing for interviews is a good thing. And two, apparently every newspaper in the world that has reported Perle to be a right-wing war-hawk is wrong...wow...who knew? Richard Perle at a right-wing summit in Israel (October 2003) STA TRAVEL I The Beaver WIH 3 day 12 night) romantic trin to Paris for two in association witii STA Travoi and Eurostar TO ENTER, SinPlY eUT OUT AND REiniN m COUPON BEIDW. A HNAl COUPON AND ATIE-BKAK QUESTION will Bi PRINHD IN NEXT Wf EX'S ISSUE OF BOTH COUPONS ANUACOMnETEDTK-BREAKSHMnB BE PIACED IN THE NOP BOX MSIOETHESnTRAVnomCE IN THE WAD BVItOZOS Name: f Department: t Email: ITilTfCiYcl Ooupoii •'i' Terms and conditions: Subject to availability, not exchangable for cash, non-transferable, valid for travel until 31st May 2005. The Beaver / SIA Travel's decision is final. Prize includes return Eurostar tickets and two niglits hotel accommodation in Paris, on a bed and breakfast J basis. For full terms and conditions, contactthebeaver@ise.ac.uk. This competitiori is only open to registered students and staff of the LSE. 14 Politics blink The Beaver 1 February 2005 The incredible Tories Evan Sparks examines how Ciceronian themes permeate a popular family film. Over the Christmas holiday, I went with my yovmgest brothers to see The Incre^bles, the latest film from Pixar, which has been an international box office smash and critical success. It is, for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of seeing it, the story of superhero Mr. Incredible and his family. He saved a bloke who was attempting suicide and was slapped with a lawsuit. The sky turned legal-pad yellow with 'wrongful-death' lawsuits, and shortly after Mr. Incredible's marriage to Elastigirl, all 'supers' were forced into hiding - stuck in boring suburban neighbourhoods, working in dead-end paper-pusher jobs, unable to reveal their super-strengths, and generally suffering under a giant burden of mediocrity. The Incredibles' children, living under the surname of Parr, blessed with powers of invisibility, force-fields, and super-speed, have to keep their talents hidden. When son Dash complains he can't use his superpower, Mrs Parr says, "Everyone's special. Dash." He replies: "That's just another way of saying nobody is." The character in the story whom I thought was most important, however, was the villain Syndrome. He was not a super, and when a child he was rebuffed as a nuisance by his hero Mr. Incredible. Syndrome subsequently devoted his life to developing technologies which would allow him - and everyone else, regardless of special talent -to be 'super.' (The main plot of the film is about his efforts to demonstrate his superiority to the Incredibles and exact revenge for Mr. Incredible's long-ago rejection of him.) Syndrome's attempts to be super have devastating consequences for the city, but even he realises that he's aiming at something else. By raising everyone to the level of the supers, he will eliminate super-heroism altogether. "When everyone's super," he says, "No one will be!" "It was this theme that made me suddenly realise that The Incredibles is suffused with a thoroughly Tory sensibility/' It was this theme that made me suddenly realise that The Incredibles is suffused with a thoroughly Tory sensibility. By Tory I mean not the political party led by Michael Howard but the old-fashioned political philosophy drawn from Ciceronian ideas, whose most famous English exponent was Edmund Burke and whose most reliable extant voice is American columnist George E Will. For The Incredibles is truly Ciceronian. Cicero believed in the 'Four Personae' theory, which held that each person's identity is bound up in four elements. One of those was special traits and talents. "For we must An incredible team for Britain? Graphic: Stacy-Marie Ishmael act in such a way that we attempt nothing contrary to universal nature; but while conserving that, let us follow our own nature, so that even if other pursuits be weightier and better, we should measure our own by the rule of our own nature" (On Duties mO). Cicero's whole political theory is based on this notion that there are some people (with extra talent, extra intuition, and a semi-divine, extra-keen understanding of natural law) who should be the natural ruling class of a society. These, of course, were what the Roman patricians were supposed to be (On the Commonwealth 1.35). Cicero's theory of societal origins is even more explicit: he believes that men originally "wandered around the fields like beasts," depending on brute force and not physical strength, "a man - great and wise I am sure - became aware of the power latent in man and the wide field offered by his mind for great achievements if one could develop this power and improve it by instruction. Men were scattered in the fields and hidden in sylvan retreats when he assembled and gathered them in accordance with a plan; he introduced them to every useful and honourable occupation, though they cried out against it at first because of its novelty, and then, when through reason and eloquence they had listened with greater attention, he trans- formed them from wild savages into a kind and gentle folk" (On Invention, I; 1-2). Cicero believed that it took a "great man" -a superhero perhaps - to corral mankind and bring them into the all-important "social concord" of optimates and plebeians which must be maintained in order to have a stable and long-lived society (On the Commonwealth, IL69a). ruling well and exercising their talents judiciously. Syndrome is a real revolutionary, threatening to bring down the system on the heads of all. It's a bit shocking to see such an anti-egalitarian philosophy portrayed with such approbation on the silver screen. But whatever one thinks of them, it's a bit more gratifying to see that old Cicero's ideas aren't quite dead yet. "Cicero believed that it took a 'great man' - a superhero perhaps -to corral mankind and bring them into the all-important 'social concord'" Syndrome's villainy in The Incredibles (besides the small-fry stuff of trying to kill the family) was that he wanted to artificially eliminate the social concord and break down society as it was known. The Incredibles represent the old order, the optimates of their society, charged with Cicero: the inspiration for Disney? The Beaver 1 February 2005 blink 15 Politics Making poverty history Gordon Brown has been leading the drive for debt relief ammong world leaders. Matt Willgress considers the'Make poverty history'campaign as we enter a significant year for Britain and the world. On January 14th, around 600 vicars from all over the UK joined TV celebrity Dawn :^-ench to show their support to Tony Blair for the 'Make Poverty History' canipaign. The campaign was launched this month as a coalition of dozens of NGOs, trade unions, charities and other groups to put pressure on the UK government to take an international lead in reaching poverty targets. Its demands are summed up in nine words - Trade justice, drop the debt, more and better aid. A number of events this year were inevitably going to bring the issue into the spotlight. In July, the G8 will take place in Scotland. In the second half of the year the UK will also hold the Chair of the European Union and the Africa Commission will report. Finally, in September the UN General Assembly Special Summit on the Millennium "Too often conditions are attached to debt relief when it does happen, with regards to public spending, which do not take into account the particular needs of countries" Development Goals will take place to review what progress has been made since 2001, when a number of governments promised to halve world poverty by 2015 -targets that are not on course to be met. The Tsunami crisis has brought the issues involved with this campaign to the forefront of many people's minds and media coverage. Many people of differing persuasions on other matters have agreed that the most important thing that could be done to assist the medium term goal of reconstructing the housing, roads and industries destroyed on Boxing Day, would be for the world's richest countries to cancel the debt of the worst affected countries. The amazing amount of money donated by individuals has been a great example to governments across the world. Alongside tlus, pledges of financial aid from richer countries have risen. Yet, as UN General Secretary Kofi Annan has pointed out, reconstruction in the region could take years with costs way above the sums currently committed. However, it is not just the countries affected by the Tsunami that are facing tremendous problems of poverty. In particular, African nations have continued to lose millions of people through poverty, with the spread of AIDs and malnutrition worse than ever. Whilst there has been some media coverage of this recently due to Gordon Brown's tour and other factors, too often Africa has been forgotten by the press, governments and indeed many campaigning organizations. What has to be understood though, is that something can and must be done about it. The policies of recent years have failed, and need to be radically altered. The issue of debt is perhaps the one that has received the most coverage. Every day, impoverished nations pay over £30 million repayments in debts to richer nations. Just one example of the effect of the debt burden is that Malawi spends more on servicing its debt than on health, despite nearly one in five Malawians being HTV positive. Often the amount demanded is so much that it suffocates opportunities for growth and investment. Too often conditions are attached to debt relief when it does happen, with regards to public spending, which do not take into account the particular needs of countries, the possible effect on poverty levels and restricts the democratic choices of countries over policies. The need for sustained and better aid is also central to delivering people around the world out of poverty. The United Nations has set a target of richer nations in the world devoting a modest 0.7 percent of GNP to foreign aid, yet many governments seem reluctant to pledge even this amount. It is also a great shame that for all the pledges made, military spending still dwarfs that devoted to aid. The US for example, has a military budget for 2005 (excluding Iraq) of USD $420.7 billion, 50 times greater than the USD $12.9 billion budgeted 'for foreign aid. This is just one example, but certainly an important one. It is also the case that too often aid has been "The EU and the USA have preached the need to 'open up markets' to countries In the developing world, with it often being a condition for support and aid" linked to other issues than a genuine concern to develop public services and eliminate poverty. Yet it is right that the 'Make Poverty History' campaign is about more than aid and debt relief. The global economy has been characterized in recent decades by growing inequalities. A number of factors have contributed to this, including the 'rules of the game' with regards to world trade. Whilst the EU and the USA have preached the need to 'open up markets' to countries in the developing world, with it often being a condition for support and aid, they themselves have hypocritically continued to subsidize products and industries, thereby damaging many economies in the developing world. The issue here is also one of democracy and self-determination; governments must be able to put in place economic policies that suit the needs of their economy, not just Western governments and multi-nationals. All of this means that Africa, global poverty, and the G8 are likely to be a major theme in domestic British politics this year. Academics and students at the LSE need to take part in the debates and support the campaigns. The size of the lobbies and demonstrations at the Gleneagles G8 summit could be so large that security costs have been reported as £150 million. We shall have to wait and see what effect they have. A A. A. mmn-wjGTBL i 16 Development WeeTT blink The Bearer 1 Febinaiy 2005 The challenge As Development Week 2005 tries to capture us with its great intellectually -challenging hands, let us step back and look at development in its wholeness. We have all heard the shocking focts: the number of people dying every second from hunger, disease and poverty, and the number of people living with HiV world-wide. (In case you did not: 40 million people live with HIV according to Oxfam). But what is development? What are the UN Millennium Development Goals and why should we care? Three opinions will enlighten us a bit more. The eight Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) were agreed at the United Nations Millennium Summit in September 2000 and nesirly 190 countries have subsequently signed up to them, pledging "We will spcire no effort to free our fellow men, women and children from the abject and dehumanizing conditions of extreme poverty, to which more than one biUion of them are currently subjected." The Millenniuin Development Goals: l.Eradicate extreme poverty and hunger 2^chieve nniversal primaiy education SJPromote gender equality and empower women 4JBeduce child mortality 5 Jmprove maternal health S.Combat UlV and AIDS, malaria and other diseases 7.Ensiiie enviriMunental sustainability 8.Devdop a global partnership for development In 2005, development is going to dominate the global policymaking agenda as never before. Marked by notable anniversaries - five years since the millennium summit, 20 years since Live Aid, 60 years of the United Nations - politicians may be more prepared to devote their time to tackling poverty, disease and lack of education around the world. Professor Jeffrey Sachs took the lead in mid-January and released an Eimbitious interim-report commissioned by Kofi Annan on achieving the UN Millennium Development Goals on time (to find out what they are; see the box.). The report sets out comprehensive blueprint recommendations detailing how to get on track to meet the goals. Tony Blair's Commission for Africa is going to chime in, probably in March, in order to build momentum for the G8 summit of rich-country leaders hosted by Britain in July. Britain's twin-presidency of G8 and the EU in 2005 are perceived by mauiy to be an unprecedented opportunity to put the development crisis in Africa at the top of the global agenda. Finally, a full review of the MDGs, which include a commitment to halve the proportion of the world's population living in poverty by 2015, will t^e place in September at a special UN General Assembly Summit. Also, it is hoped that participants of the WTO meeting in Hong Kong in December wiU agree on further trade liberalisation to boost the economies of poor coimtries. But the challenge is to translate political rhetoric into action - a process in which Britain wiU play a pivotal role. And new ideas and initiatives do indeed abound: Gordon Brown is currently promoting his The Goals, to be achieved between 1990 and 2015, were introduced as part of a wider attempt to encourage the international community to stop talking about making a difference in the developing world and join forces to start doing something about it. They are designed to streamline and focus activities across national and international oiganisations. Alongside the Goals, a series of 18 targets were also drawn up to give the international community a number of tangible improvements to aim for within a fixed period of time, and also make it easier for them to measure their progress to date. The intention is that admost all of these targets will be achieved by 2015. Unfortunately, while some significant effort is being made, in many cases progress is patchy, too slow or non-exis-tent. Although improvements have been made in many areas in Sub-Saharan Africa, for example, the number of people living in poverty there is still greater now than it was in 1990. International Flnstnce Facility to "front-load" financial aid, Ibny Blair wants to relieve Tanzanian debt, FVance's President Chirac suggested an international tax to raise funds. Moreover, Professor Sachs seems in no doubt that the goals can stUl realistically be met. His calculations even show that less money than the agreed UN target of 0.7 jjercent of donor coimtries' collective GDP will be required. Nonetheless, many question the usefulness of blueprint solutions to the problem of development and demand more p>ersist-ent commitment instead - something rarely found in the realm of politics, as it seems: Westerners' favourite solutions for Africa's problems change from season to season. Buzzwords that were, are or perhaps will be en vogue range from investment for infrastructitte to boosting exports, from cutting taxes to privatisation, from lowering barriers to ensuring good governance. Whether it is aid, trade or debt relief - a combination of these may be the most sensible, but politically difficult way of approaching development. IXwo things seem certain nonetheless; Firstly, development is not a simple case of open-ended charity or of paying colonial-legacy guilt money. The focus miist shift from charity to justice. As long as rich countries force free trade on developing countries while protecting their own fanners and industries with tariff barriers, developing coxmtries wiU remain just that forever. Secondly, one year of politicians' attention to development is never going to be enough. - Laura Sunder-Plassmann 0 0 The Milleimiimi Development Goals (MDG) have been under much discussion, however one question remains: What are the long-term outcomes of the efforts taken in the name of defeating hunger? Will the developing countries actually be able to stay above the targeted levels of extreme poverty? And if so, will they only do so owing to consistent support by the richer countries? Or is the goals' action agenda sufficiently forward-looking to ensure developing coimtries do not merely become more and more dependent in the process of improvement? It is corrimonly thought that the collaboration between NGOs and governments achieved through the MDGs (as intended by goal 8) is of an unseen strength and efficiency. This might be the case for large organisations such as Oxfjun and UNICEF -but what about small NGOs and charities such as DEEDS India? Chairman Dr Gandhidoss shared his experience in helping the poorest people with some LSE students at a public lecture in December. According to him small grassroots organisations all over India are having great problems securing finance for their projects: Money only flows to where the MDGs are nowadays. While the small local organisations address social problems like education and improving the population's mentality the eradication of hunger might seem a lot more important. On the other hand, giving p>eople money and food but no education will not help them in the long run. Giving people back hope and optimism about their life circumstances might be essential to make changes in society possible in the first place. Unfortunately, people Uke Dr GandMdoss often have to watch their investments of time and thought become worthless as drug dealers and others exploit the pessimism and hopelessness present in many poor communities. Leaving financing issues aside I think there are two central factors necessary for real sustainable improvement. First of aU, money is not enough. Since the generous (and necessary) donations for the victims of the Tsunami disaster, that happ>ened a mere, four weeks ago, focus has already shifted back to other issues - newer and more exciting ones. Just like development it disappears into a black hole together with many other issues who are not pleasant to think about and whose solutions require large and long term efforts. There are many very admirable people out there that engage in Human Aid, giving all they [0 have to help others and trying to raise awareness about those not equally luclgr as us. Anyone who has ever spoken to someone who has dedicated his entire life to helping will understand what I mean when I say admirable. Not many could cope with giving everything while receiving little recognition and sometimes having to witness their efforts being destrtyed within the blink of an eye. Still those people will one day be able to look back on their life and be able to say they sfient their life doing something worthwhile: they made a difference (or at least they really tried). Secondly, helping can take many forms but "Helping people to help themselves" is what can achieve fundamental improvement. WaterAid, for instance, follows such a policy. Instead of just building wells for the people they teach them how to buUd one themselves so they will Viavp a fppling of ownership, they wUl be able to repair it themselves and to buUd a new one when it runs dry. Also they wiU be able to show others what they have leamt. Considering that one child dies every fifteen seconds (yes, I said seconds) from a water-related disease water is right at the basis of a long chain of interlinked events. Once people have clean water and can achieve certain hygiene standards disease will diminish, adults will be able to work and children wiU be able to attend school. This is only the start of am upwards-sloping spiral that without water would transform into a vicious cycle of poverty and death. WaterAid projects providing safe water, sanitation and hygiene education cost just £15 p)er head (ie 3 packs of cigarettes, that CD you will only reaUy Usten to for two weeks or one entrance fee to a club). £460 pays for two public water points used by 500 people in Ethiopia. In spite of all the efforts, prospecrts are bleak. Jeffrey Sachs' report concludes that progress towards the MDGs has been sluggish and patchy. Some countries, particularly in Sub-Saharan Africa, are even worse off than they were in 1990. Unless the rate of improvement picks up, Africa is not expected to reach some of the goals until the 22nd century. The HIV/Aids pandemic is claiming three million lives annually. Think about it £tnd think about how you can help. Even if it's just something small, get the baU rolling. With such a large forum at your feet at the LSE you really have a good head start for making a difference - so give it a go - Verena Letzerich The Beaver 1 Febrnaiy 2005 blink 17 -M '4 -an.'-S]tO evelopment, as much as the expres-I sion is currentiy being used, is still an abstract terra in most students' heads. The comments usually go a bit like this: "Interesting, yes, you are absolutely right! Development is needed and uiigently so. Let us write a petition to the Prime Minister / Chancellor / President!" We, LSE students, are great at writing petitions, at discussing motions and probing the government. But is that the only part we play in the more general effort of development? Development in "the process of improvement undergone by countries, which can be measured by the creation of wealth and more general measures of the quality of living of its population". Or more importantly: do we actually care about development if we are not personally affected by it? It may seem like a harsh thing to question, but is it really that unthinkable that the only time we really help is when we "see" the jwverty, the devastation, the urgency? The Tsunami disaster, for example, was extremely shocking, most Europeans felt hit by the catastrophe just like the populations of the Indian Ocean and feared never to see some of their relatives and friends again. It was and is of high importance that we all help in the regions, but would we have cared in the same way, if the people hadn't died on our TVs cmd in the abrupt marmer that they did? The help shown in relation to the Tsunami disaster really needs to be applied to ciU areas needing help, that is both domestic and international. lb be more precise, I am not advocating ¥(o)[a that each and everyone of us goes out and joins a NGO - although that is certainly one way of helping - but rather that we all volimteer at least for one day each year we live. That is less than 3 weeks so far for most of us and I am convinced that altruism has a strong addictive quality and that you will soon want to volunteer a lot more than that. The volunteering I am speaking of is not that driven by a medal or by awards, but simply by the look in other peoples' eyes and for that warm feeling in your stomach, when you help someone elder out of the bus. It can start in your neighbourhood. Try speaking to the staff at LSE's own Volunteer Centre. You can tell them exactly how much time you are willing and able to devote and what kind of projects you are interested in. ( the LSE Volimteer Centre is located in Room E391). The term Development, however, encompasses much more than that in my eyes than that. For those stuck in the contest named "Intemship/Job Applications", one word will have become more dear and feared than any other: competencies. These, simply put, transferable skills, are now the main criteria by which recruiters pick their own graduates and we are all eager to provide examples of how many various competencies we can account for. This is the egoistic aspect of development and the idea is intuitively imderstandable: In times where the accountant needs to p>ersuade that his/her balance sheets are a correct representation of reality, where the politician is using and misusing statistics in the course of general elections, where a scientist's success is measured by the num-ber of articles he or she can publish about his/her research, success seems like a function of more than just a good degree class. LSE's Learning Centre is actually an admirable attempt to ensure these skills, but it has two wesiknesses. First, it is based on voluntary action and thus creates a false image of additional and thus unnecessary work. Secondly, most skill sessions take the form of lectures not workshops. I do not see how one is supposed to leam how to give a good presentation or how to go about mathematical problems by listening to a lecture. Just ask yourself, is your course ensuring that you have all the necessary skiUs for your ideal job? Do you write essays to further your communication skills? Do you present yoiu- work and become more persuasive? Do you have a mathematical or even statistical course, and does it actually make you work more comfortably with numbers? Do you know how to work in teams? I dare say, that even if you have covered a fair share of skills, you will struggle to provide examples of how you work on all of them. (We all will.) Is it then not rather sad that there is in fact more help, more opportunities and more pressure to produce a decent CV than a decent essay? Development can also be looked at in another way: we should all improve, become better and one way of doing so is knowing more things. The LSE provides a great chance to do so, but it seems that this is rarely done in fact. Is this university only a necessary station in our paths to a worthwhile career or a world class institution "producing" the leaders and shapers of tomorrow? It is up to us to answer this question. With so many renowned profes- sore arid departments, who the effort to go about and sit in on lectures that have nothing to do with his/her d^ree? Where is the synthesis in this imi-versity apart from the crowded public lectures? Do we all take the time to leam from each others experiences? Do we try to know our fellow students outside of the Brunch Bowl and the three Tuns? So, how do we go about developing then? Who can help? There is, of course, always the hope that every student might do it on their own. This is London after all, and there isn't really anj^hrng that you caimot do within a two-hour radius, apart from learning how to ski maybe. Then there is our beloved Student Union. Being a hybrid between voluntary participation and (slightly) forced action, the imion could really initiate a lot of student self-fulfilment and the RAG week is a great example of how they try. Finally, of course, the School. The syllabus is stUl in the hands of the institution we have all subscribed to upon beginning our courses, and indeed here I see most potential: If more diverse coursework would be required from all students, then students would produce it. I am by no means arguing we need more coursework. We have enough of it already, but why not have less of the same kind of work and more of various forms instead? Diversity not only in the student body, but also within the degree. If development is to be realized soon, then we all need to work on it consistently: assuming our responsibilities in the world and ensuring we are aU worthy of doing so. Millen Wolde-Selassie 1$ blink The Beaver 1 February 2005 International International Correspondents: Stefanie Khaw and Kristin Solberg Carter-Ann Mahdavi explores the implications of the Global Gag Rule on women's rights. January 22, 2001, on the anniversary of the US Supreme Court's 1973 Roe v. Wade decision, which led to the legalization of abortion, George W. Bush declared the reinstatement of the Global Gag Rvde, also known as the Mexico City Policy. The Global Gag Rule imposes restrictions on NGOs receiving USAID, to perform abortions other than in cases of rape or incest or where the life of the mother is threatened. The Rule also withholds aid to NGOs providing information and counseling for abortion, this includes 'With the re-election of George W. Bush, the assault on women's reproductive rights is bound to increase, at home and abroad/' referrals''ah^ i^i^iig for legalising abortion or making.it more accessible in countries they are working. These restrictions also apply to funds that have been raised independently by NGOs. This has had huge effects on family plaiming and reproductive health care programs aU over the world. With the re-election of George W. Bush, the assault on women's reproductive rights is bound to increase, at home and abroad. Due to the fact that American aid provides the largest amount of monetary support to foreign NGOs, possibilities to reject funding and opt out of the Global Gag Rule are limited. The Global Gag Rule is not simply a reflection of the USA's attitude towards foreign healthcare but in line with its attitude towards sex education in general. Abstinence-only education programs are on the increase and their popularity is not wilting. On an international basis, devel- oping countries relying on international aid to produce effective sexual education programs to combat AIDS/HIV seem to be treated in the same manner as American high school teenagers, implying that the social, cultural and economic pressures are exactly the same for young people all over the world. Whilst abstinence-only programs in American such as Silver Ring Thing discuss the perils sex will bring by infecting you with STDs (sexually transmitted disease) and losing self-respect, they do not discuss issues such as infanticide or high maternal mortality rates (though the statistics are not significantly high in the USA, some of the countries receiving funding to provide abstinence-only sex education have rates higher than 1,000 deaths out of 100,000), which are issues in many of the countries in receiving USAID. Foreign abstinence-only programs follow the ABC model: A is for Abstinence, B is for Be faithful and C is for Condom in case A and B are not possible. One of the most dangerous aspects of abstinence-only programs is its gender blindness. It is not blind to sexual-orienta-tion though, which is clearly demonstrated by promoting heterosexual marriage as the only form of marriage. Homosexuality, lesbianism and bisexuality are no t presented as appropriate lifestyle choices in abstinence-only programs. In terms of gender, abstinence-only programs present a way of life that can have extremely detrimental effects on women. These programs, along with the Global Gag Rule, mean that women have restricted access to information about preventative measure and when pregnancy does occur, options are nonexistent. It hardly matters that adequate healthcare services and providers are limited in developing countries if women do not have the knowledge to even request them. Though the Global Gag Rule does not impose abstinence-only programs, legitimate concerns of withdrawal of funds means that many NGOs limit their advice about contraception, preventative measures and other health advice for fear of being seen as promoting abortion. The equipment used for providing post-abortion care is the same as that used for early abortions and NGOs are concerned that even having such equipment can be cause for withdrawal. Abstinence-only and Global Gag Rule supporters seem to have conveniently forgotten what life was like in America before condoms, abortion and birth control appeared. Coat-hanger abortions are declared to be a myth that pro-choice feminists propagated to swing the debate, apparently back-alley abortions with quack doctors never happened to smart women who made the right choices. Old wives tails about concoctions and herbal remedies for unwanted pregnancies, or the idea of women simply throwing themselves downstairs to induce miscarriages are gone from the debate of sexual education in the USA and internationally When confronted with these issue, many pro-lifers argue that there is no hard evidence of these events: simply estimated deaths and injuries with no hard data, denying the existing narratives of thousands of women all over the world and throughout history. It is also argued that the issue of illegal and dangerous abortions is not relevant to the debate because it provides no answer to questions about the rights of fetus. But that is precisely not the issue here. There is no debate about whether abortions are right or wrong but if access to information about basic reproductive rights is necessary. If young people are not informed of current contraceptive choices, the historical significance of restrictions on knowledge will once more be demonstrated. For women's rights, abstinence-only education is a huge step back on many fronts. Knowledge is power and once again women are becoming powerless due to lack of information. iNTt: USAIE) .w The Beaver 1 February 2005 blink 19 International International Correspondents: Stefanie Khaw and Kristin Solberg A tale of two countries Jai Shah takes a comparative look at Kenya and South Korea, to discover where the African nation went wrong. At the start of another year, many from the strategically located East African nation ponder: "Will this year finally be the one when the optimists will have reason to smile?" It is exactly two years since a landmark general election saw democracy triimiph and put Kenya on the world stage for good reason. It was then that Mwai Kibaki, another LSE alumnus, was voted into power at his third attempt in what was seen as an opportunity to break away from over two decades of dictatorial rule by the former president. I was there in the country at the time, and the mood was ecstatic, even emotional. A new government had been swept into power after many years. Today, the ills that have made Africa their home have not been vanquished. Reform is not an event, but a process. Yes, corruption, poverty and insecurity still prevail. But, for most of us, there is hope. So where did the country go vwong? Let me illustrate. TXvo countries in different parts of the globe emerged from turmoil in 1963 and entered a new era of hope. Country A had just freed itself from the yoke of colonial rule and was breathing the fresh, heady air of self-determination. Country B was coming out of a debilitating war with an aggressive neighbour. Both countries were mired in grinding poverty, with little or no industrialisation to speak of. Both had similar, very low, per capita income levels. Each set out determinedly to transform itself. Country A had a good start, focusing on developing large-scale agriculture and essential agro-processing industries. It enjoyed several years of strong economic growth, and appeared poised for long-term success. Then, slowly, everything began to unravel. Its leaders began dipping their hands in the national till; corruption began to grow insidiously. Its development plans became increasingly unfocused and increasingly irrelevant. Ethnic politics began to dominate discourse in the country. It received huge amounts of foreign aid, but squandered most of it. Patronage and cronyism grew unchecked. By the dawn of 2003, a whole 40 years later. Country A was on its knees: 50 percent of its once-hopeful people were below the poverty line; income per capita was still amongst the lowest in the world. Country B also had a good start in the 1960s, investing first in basic industry, then in more sophisticated products. Country B had to overcome the fact that it had little by way of natural resources. It formed a series of strong governments that worked closely with private enterprise to target specific growth areas. It recorded average annual economic growth rates of over eight percent throughout the 1970s and 1980s. " South Korea represents what Kenya could have been. The transformation from backward agrarian nation to information-age industrial giant in 40 years is no pipe dream; the South Koreans did it." By 2003, it was a modem miracle. It was no longer a 'developing' country. If you haven't guessed already, country A is Kenya; country B is South Korea. South Korea represents what Kenya could have been. The transformation from backward agrarian nation to information-age industrial giant in 40 years is no pipe dream; the South Koreans did it. Their achievements are awe-inspiring. For example, 68 percent of South Koreans are connected to a broadband Internet service today, compared to eight percent in Western Europe. It has 25 mil- lion fixed telephone lines, and nearly 30 million mobile connections. Kenya has no broadband connectivity to speak of, and a pathetic 300,000 landlines. The burning question for Kenya is: how did the South Koreans do it? When take-off came, South Korea had a well-educated young workforce and a modem infrastructure to provide a solid foundation for growth. Govemment and business leaders worked together to target specific industries for development. The first plan targeted textiles and light manufacturing, followed in the 1970s by heavy industries such as steel and chemicals. In the 1980s, the emphasis moved to automobiles and electronics. Today, South Koreans focus on high-technology areas such as microelectronics, bioengineering, optics and aerospace. Throughout, the South Korean government has played a central and intelligent role in the proceedings. A second major determinant was the South Korean population itself. South Koreans are unusually disciplined and hard working, even by Eastern standards. The discipline extends to saving. From the 1980s onwards, once a certain income level had been reached. South Koreans were saving well over 30 percent of their income, second in the world behind Taiwan. This allowed for a very high rate of domestic capital formation and a reduced dependence on foreign inflows. South Koreans emphasised education and knowledge, and place great value on its acquisition. Kenya took the low road. It emphasised self-gain over national well-being. The electorate appointed herders, touts and mechanics to guide the economy. Kenyans made cheap crooks and swindlers their role models. Public resources such as land, buildings, and funds were 'grabbed' by the political elite. The populace almost gave up and despair could be seen all around the country. Kenya's international image sunk to new lows. Ethnic tensions sparked violence and agitation for constitutional reform led to bickering and street protests. Foreign aid taps were shut and western tourists shunned the country. There was no pride in being Kenyan. Perhaps Kenyans got what they deserved. The next few years present the best chance that the country has ever had to redeem itself. As democracy entrenches itself and with public awareness at levels higher than ever before, some semblance of order in neighbouring Sudan and Somalia and a relatively reform-minded state, Kenyans hope that someday, another comparison will be made and their country will be the envy of others. 20 blink The Beaver 1 February 2005 International International Correspondents: Stefanie Khaw and Kristin Solberg NQnn UQO / ^^Wu'ch'iu Yu ^ HsiaO'Ch'iu Yu Huafeitg Hsin £ Su-ao^ ¦•CfilrVmwIy' ~ Quam I (Chtn ,4'Surari ¦ ;ai\: i@¥¥§i® Kheng Soon Urn argues for a free and fair referendum on Taiwanese independence, without any threats of military retaliation by mainland If the Taiwanese ever have a desire to celebrate anything, there is no need to spend lavishly on fireworks. All that is needed is for one of their leaders to mention words such as 'independence' or 'self determination,' and China will provide a fireworks display known as a 'military exercise' without delay. This occurred in 2000 when Taiwanese President Lee Teng-Hui declared that the People's Republic of China (mainland China) and the Republic of China (Taiwan) had a special state-to-state relationship. The Chinese army immediately performed a mock invasion of a rocky outpost in the Taiwan Straits, simulating an invasion of Taiwan. The relationship between China and Taiwan is long and tangled, but a convenient place for me to start is the end of WWII when Taiwan, an island populated mainly by ethnic Chinese, but which had been imder Japanese colonisation since 1895, was handed over to China (its historical rulers) following the Japanese defeat. In 1949, the Communists took control of Beijing, forcing the Chinese fascist dictator, Generalissimo Chiang Kai-Shek, and his followers to flee to Taiwan, where they set up a Government in exile. Hence, a situation existed in which there were two governments - the People's Republic of China (PRC) which controlled the mainland and the Republic of China (ROC) which controlled Taiwan. Both regimes made claims to the whole of China, including Taiwan. Cold War dynamics meant that the West conveniently ignored the fact that Taiwan was a dictatorship, and supported it against the Chinese Communists. However, it soon realized that the situation was far- cical, and in 1971, the United Nations recognized the Communists as the legitimate Government of China, with the United States following suit in 1979. China considers Taiwan to be a renegade province. If Taiwan were to declare independence, China would inmiediately invade, despite the fact that Taiwan and the United States have a military alliance. The legal argument for China's claim is that since Taiwan was handed back to China after WWII, and since the Communists are now the recognized rulers of China, Taiwan belongs to them. The historical argument is that Taiwan had been part of China for millions of years ever since dinosaurs sat on the Imperial throne. The cultural argument is that since the Taiwanese are predominantly ethnic Chinese, they should promptly return to the motherland. Of course, China has never asked what the Taiwanese think and this is the greatest flaw in its claim. China can quote legal, historical and cultural reasons but for it to make a moral argument for reclaiming Taiwan, an essential ingredient is the consent of the Taiwanese themselves. The principle of consent; the idea that the people of a particular geographical area have the right to decide which nation they wish to belong to, is a basic human right. Utilising an example close to home, the reason why Northern Ireland remains to this day part of the United Kingdom is because the majority of its inhabitants consider themselves to be British. However, if in the distant future, the people of the six British counties of the province of Ulster wish to join the Irish Republic, then the British Government has no choice but to agree, as stipulated in the Good Friday Agreement. What do the Taiwanese want? The answer is that the issue of Taiwanese national identity is as convoluted as that of the relationship between China and Taiwan. At present, Taiwan's population is divided between mainlanders who migrat- ed following the Communist takeover of China, aboriginals who have been in Taiwan since time immemorial, and natives who are descended from seventeenth century Chinese immigrants. When Taiwan was a dictatorship, the official line was that one day, the Government would retake mainland China and re-establish itself in Beijing. As such, local Taiwanese culture was repressed and natives and aborigines were forced to think of themselves as Chinese. Taiwan's toothless parliament was reflective of this delusion - members of the Legislative Yuan represented mainland constituencies such as Beijing and Shanghai. ''What do the Taiwanese want? The answer is that the issue of Taiwanese national identity is as convoluted as that of the relationship between China and Taiwan" However, following democratisation in the nineties, there was a resurgence of local Taiwanese identity. The usage of local Taiwanese dialects became more widely used on television for instance and aboriginal culture became vogue. In 2000, President Chen Shui-Bien from the separatist Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) was elected with 39 percent of the vote and last year, he was re-elected for a further four terms in office, albeit in a massively controversial ballot. In 1992, a survey carried out by the National Chengchi University showed that a quarter of the population considered themselves to be Chinese, 45 percent to be both Chinese and Taiwanese and 20 percent to be just Taiwanese. 12 years later, the figures for this same survey were 5 percent, 50 percent and 40 percent respectively. Therefore, it is clear that Taiwan's Chinese identity has been severely diluted. In fact, the 50 percent figure for those who consider themselves to be both Chinese and Taiwanese may be misleading. It is likely that a substantial proportion of these respondents consider themselves to be Chinese by ethnicity, but not necessarily by nationality. Support for independence is a tougher issue to examine. On one hand, Taiwan has elected a pro-independence President twice in a row, although it could be argued that the second election was a fraudulent one. On the other hand, polls such as the one conducted in November 2004 showed that only 31 percent of the population favoured independence (as reported in The Economist). Of course, it would be interesting to examine why those opposed to independence felt that way. Was it because they sincerely believed that Taiwan was a part of China or was it because they knew that independence would trigger a mainland invasion? The only way for Taiwan, China and the rest of the world to find out is by holding a free and fair referendum in Taiwan, without any threats of invasion by China. However, this is an impossible thing to ask for, owing to the level of contempt China has for the principle of consent. To China, separatism is an anathema, something placed on the level of child pornography. At the end of the day, it is the inhabitants of Taiwan that have the sole right to decide the issue of Taiwanese sovereignty, but unfortunately this is something that most officials in the Chinese Government find harder to understand than quantum physics. The Beaver 1 February 2005 Listings 21 Your Guide to What's On This Weeic Political LSE SU Palestine Society Zionism: Past, Present and Future Arab Media Watch, the Council for Arab-British Understanding, Pluto Books and the LSE Palestine Society cordially invite you to this free event. 7pm, D602 Development Week The MDGs so far - Challenges, Obstacles and Solutions Speakers: I Adrian Wood, Department for International Development Dr Margot Salomon, Human Rights Expert, LSE Dr Christopher Scott, LSE (Chair) 2.30pm, E171 LSE SU Question Time Society London 2012 - Why Should We Back the Bid? What would backing the capital's bid to host the 2012 Olympics mean to you? Come question our expert panel in our live audience debate and make up yoxir own mind. Panelists include Richard Sumray, Chair, London 2012 Forum Professor Stefan Szjnmanski, economist. Imperial College London Colin Stanbridge, Chief Executive, London Chamber of Commerce Chris Rawlinson, British Olympian and Commonwealth champion, 400m hurdles. Tuesday 1st February, lpm-2pm. Old Theatre. Members' pre-debate lunch reception: 12noon, Underground Bar KPMG post-debate reception: 2pm, Underground Bar Entertainment LSE SU Salsa Society Salsa Classes Everyone is truly welcomed to join the Salsa Society. We have classes weekly ranging from beginners, improvers, intermediate to advance! These stages are conducted every week throughout the year even during the holidays. 7.30pm-9.30pm, SOUND Leicester Sq. Political Maths & Stats Soc Homework Helping Session l-3pm, S221 Subjects include: MAIOO, MA103, MA200, MA201, MA203, MA208, EC102, EC202, EC210, EC221, ST102, ST202, PoE l-3pm, S221 Stop the War Coalition Students Against the War Teach-in Organised by Stop the War Coalition, Student CND and the Federation of Student Islamic Societies. Speakers include Mrs Ahmad, Anas Al-Tikriti, Chris Bambery, Victoria Brittain, Alex Callinicos, Nusrat Chagtai, Jeremy Corbyn MP, Mark Curtis, Ali Fadhil, George Galloway MP, Rose Gentle, Lindsey German, Peter Gowan, Kate Hudson, Dr Saloum Ismael, Greg Philo, Sami Ramadani, Yvonne Ridley, Steven Rose, Alex Salmond MP, Mark Steel, Dr Azzam Tamimi, Jenny Tonge MP, Haifa Zangana. Registration begins at 1pm in Room H216 of the LSE. Opening session in Room D502 at 2pm. Entry £3. Development Week Five years' impact on Civil Society Speakers: Monica Evans, International Labour Organisation Ceri Hayes, Womankind Diane Perrons, Director of Gender Institute, LSE (Chair) 5.15pm, D202 Entertainment LSE SU GO Society Go is a simple but challenging game of strategy popular in Asia and worldwide. Beginners and experienced players alike are welcome to play and leam about the game. 12-2pm, D206 LSE SU LGBT Society Film Night Showing: "But I'm a Cheerleader" Refreshments provided. 7.30pm, D206 Political Development Week Creeping Deaths: The Factors that kill Speakers: Gregory Barrow, World Food Program Mary O'Connell, Wateraid Katie Heller, Institute of Development Studies Dr Hakan Seckinelgin, LSE (Chair) 5pm, H102 Meeting the Challenge of Development - Featuring DJ VIGZ An Action Agenda to achieve the MDGs Ian Goldin,Vice President, Worldbank Chair TBA This is a ticketed event. 2pm, E171 Pure - party for your conscience Tickets sold on Houghton Street for £2,-each next week. 7.30pm, Quad LSE SU Christian Union Weekly Main Meeting 7pm, G1 Fundraising Auction for Wateraid: Buy Prayer Meeting yourself a Valentine's Date! 5.30pm-6.30pm, G9 Ten hot guys, ten fit girls and LSE's biggest names!!! Entertainment LSE SU Alternative Ents Society Meeting and practice Are you an entertainer or just up for lots of fun?Then you should definitely come to our practises down in the Old Gym on Tuesdays 2-3pm and Thursdays 1-2pm. We do juggling, balloon modelling, diabolo, poi, yo-yo, devil sticks, and manipulations with fire props. Also, new for this year: aerials and face painting. We are also open for suggestions, if there is any activity you would like to do. If you have any questions please contact society president (Jana) at j.zolotarevskaia@lse.ac.uk Entertainment LSE SU Salsa Society Salsa Classes Everyone is truly welcomed to join the Salsa Society. We have classes weekly ranging from beginners, improvers, intermediate to advance! These stages are conducted every week throughout the year even during the holidays. 8-10pm Ministry of Sound, Elephant and Castle Political LSE SU GO Society Meeting Go is a simple but challenging game of strategy popular in Asia and worldwide. Beginners and experienced players alike are welcome to play and leam about the game. 12-2pm,Y016 LSE Gender Institute Inequality: old patterns, new challenge Polly Toynbee is a political and social commentator for The Guardian. Barbara Ehrenreich is a social critic and a regular columnist for The Progressive. Chaired by Dr Diane Perrons. This event is free and open to all however a ticket is required. LSE students are able to collect one ticket from the LSESU reception, located on the ground floor of the East Building. 6.30pm, Old Theatre LSE SU International Society Global Show The International Society is having its annual Global Show on the 17th and 18th of February. The society is calling to all hard-working, enthusiastic and motivated people to help them organise a range of events, varying from Choreographers to Audiovisual Team and Night Support. If you would like to be involved in this exciting mix of performances email us at Su.Soc.International@lse.ac.uk or call Anuschka on 078 4986 1373. Political M LSE SU LGBT Society [ Valentine's Mind the Gap London's premier student LGBT night with free q-jump and entry to Heaven afterwards. i'l Monday 7th February 7pm, Underground Bar German Symposium 2005 Monday 7 February Market-based Approaches to Health Policy. Ulla Schmidt, German minister of health and social security. 7pm, New Theatre, East Building, LSE. Tuesday 8 February Corporate Governance in Germany: current changes from an international perspective. Professor Dr. Annette Kohler, Leipzig Graduate School of Management. 6pm, New Theatre, East Building. Wednesday 9 February Innovations as Success Factor in an International Economy. Dr. Michael Tram, CEO or AT Kearney Central Europe. 6pm, D302, Clement House, LSE. Thursday 10 February Security Policy in the Age of Globalisation. Nikolaus Schmeja, Obserst a. D., former colonel in the Germany military. 3pm, H102, Coimaught House, LSE Friday 11 February Impact on International Accounting on the German Economy. Professor Dr. Wolfgang Grewe, member global executive, chairman and partner Europe, Middle East and Africa of Deloitte. Plus more events throughout the week. Additionally, the LSE underground bar will turn into London's own Oktoberfest on Friday 11 February, from 8.30pm-2am. All the events scheduled for the German Symposium 2005 are free and open to all but a ticket is required. Tickets will be available from 10am on Monday 31 January at Houghton Street or email su.soc.german@lse.ac.uk contact: aJ.jones@lse.ac.uk 22 B:art The Beaver 1 February 2005 B:art edited by Wejdan Ismail film About Dim Sum Special p28 lit Typical Marquis de Sade porn p29 edited by Sarah Coughtrie and Dani Ismail i Meet The Fockers andrewwallwork gets sneak preview Director: Jay Roach Starring: Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Dustin Hoffman, BIythe Danner Running Time: 115 min Certificate: 12A Release Date: 28th January Ok, I admit it - as I was getting comfortable in a very impressive, normally expensive, West End cinema, I was feeling rather pleased with myself. Comedy fans worldwide have been wetting their lips in anticipation of the sequel to Meet The Parents and I couldn't wait to start bragging over seeing it first. But, sorry guys, I am the bearer of bad news. Simply put, if you have to pay £10 to see this movie then don't - especially given current competition with other recent quality releases. The film picks up from Parents, following the calamities of Greg "Gaylord" Focker (Ben Stiller) who is trying to impress Jack Bynes (De NIro). The future in-laws need to spend a weekend together and Greg must do his best to remain within the 'Circle of Trust'. Behind the scenes we have the same creative team including Director/producer Jay Roch. On screen, all the big guns return with two heavy additions, Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand who, if you haven't already guessed, complete the Focker family. So, we have a bigger budget, weightier cast, longer running time and from the looks of things a bigger box-office smash than its predecessor. The film stands alone - so no need to see Parents and as you journey along a very smooth storyline, you will giggle and perhaps, giggle some more. The production of the film is excellent and, unlike comedies such as American Pie or Ace Ventura, this film probably has laughs for almost every demographic. Let's pause to give a raucous round of applause to Paramount/Universal - this film will walk itself to the bank. The nagging problem I have though, is that the sequel is bigger in every way except for the laughs. Despite my efforts, I couldn't walk away with quotable lines or memories of stomach cramps/watery eyes spurred on by laughing fits. Fockers is painfully formulaic and lacks any invention. In Parents we had physical comedy during a volleyball game; 'Greg-is-uncomfortable' comedy at the Byrnes' dinner table, and disaster comedy when Greg burns down their house. Without giving too much away, in Fockers we have an American football game, another dinner table embarrassment and a disaster scene in which Greg is once again left alone in a house - with disastrous consequences. The true shame is that this is more of a re-make with slightly different jokes than a sequel. And I'm sorry to use the old cliche, but the original is better. Find it on Kazaa, see it on Orange Wednesdays or, failing that, wait for the DVD and spend your £10 on seeing The Aviator instead. That said, Little Fockers anyone, in 2008? IVIore than likely! ? ? ? ? ? In your local cinema Sideways Paul Giamatti has fast become the American exemplar of under-dog brilliance and as such is perfect for the character of a divorced, failed and failing novelist, who travels cross-country to help his sexaholic friend enjoy his last week of bachelorhood. This is bound to be a huge hit and if you've any sense of respect for film you'll love it wholly and unequivocally. Solaris If you watched the Clooney version you probably shouldn't watch this one because you'll like it less and that would break my heart. I have however, ordered the films this week with the most watch-able first and the least last, so while that doesn't say much (being as the next two are so god-awful) Solaris shouldn't disappoint. Creep The aptly named flick about being stuck in the tube after hours with the mice and the weirdos that chase you. White Noise Michael Keaton mourns his late wife in this crap attempt at a paranormal thriller. You can tell bad films, especially bad scary films, when the soundtrack is the only driving, chilling force. Take Ringu; done with far less technological foolishness and well-scripted shrieking noises than the remake, it is wildly scarier. If you want a good Keaton film, watch Beetlejuice. If you want a good scary film, watch Poltergeist. In your local Blockbuster Bride and Prejudice A Bollywood reworking of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, this is a promising idea delivered with charm, fine acting and wit. Wimbledon Slice of unremarkable fun from makers of the superior Four Weddings and a Funeral and the competent Netting Hill. This stars cutesy cutesy Kirsten Dunst as the tennis starlet and sexy sexy Paul Bettany as the underdog, showing that although he can only play one character it's at least reasonably entertaining. Will Farrell take note. Sharit Tale In which many very famous people (Jolie, Zwelleger, Scorsese, Smith et al) provide voices for movie producers who decided in the wake of the drivel of Finding Nemo that people must really care about fish. Judging by the gushing reviews, they might be onto something. The Beaver 1 February 2005 B:art Assault on Precinct 13 we can only apologise to harrietcuddeford. .......... * ¦ _ You know you are definitely not onto a good thing when you go to watch a supposed action thriller, and find yourself in a cinema full of high brow film critics who spend the entire time either laughing or, as the chap from The Guardian newspaper sitting on my left opted for, falling asleep with their head in their hands. Sadly, this was exactly the case when I had the misfortune to sit through a For any cartoon enthusiast, watching Spongebob Squarepants feels like eating a delicious Krabby patty after years of fad dieting. No other animated character matches the absurdity, wit and charm of Spongebob, a terminally enthusiastic sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea. In the underwater haven Bikini Bottom, Spongebob drives a sandwich without a license, befriends a pink starfish and an oxygen suit-clad squirrel and works as a fry cook alongside a cynical clarinettist squid, all to the accompaniment of ukulele music and a painfully unforgettable theme song. Viewers have found it difficult to resist such unusual storylines. 60 million viewers, one third of which are adults, tune in every week for the TV series. "You don't make something that you think will make your friends laugh and expect it to go crazy like this," says creator Stephen Hillenburg of the show's enormous popularity. Hillenburg, who taught kids marine biology before earning a degree in experimental animation, worked as a writer and creative director of Rocko's Modern Life, an earlier Nickelodeon series, before creating Spongebob. Like Rocko, Spongebob screening of Assault On Precinct 13. Originally a cult classic of the 1970s, the butchered remake, courtesy of Jean-Francois Richet, tells the tale of a soon-to-be-demolished police station being watched over by a police captain, Ethan Hawke, and his crew on New Year's Eve. The prisoners they are guarding (including Laurence Fishburne and Ja Rule) become delicately balances the adult humour sensibilities of, say, South Park, with the innocence of any Saturday morning cartoon. The Spongebob Squarepants Movie seems like an extended version of a typical Spongebob episode. Several new characters are introduced, notably Mindy the Mermaid, voiced by Scarlett Johansson. After an adorably rapacious Mr. Krabs ("Hello! I like money!") thwarts Spongebob's managerial Intentions at the Krusty Krab, Spongebob still defends him against the wrath of an insecure, balding King Neptune, whose crown has been stolen by Mr. Krabs' evil fast food rival. Plankton. With Mindy's help, Spongebob and Patrick the starfish embark on a journey to recover the stolen crown from Shell City before Plankton conquers all of Bikini Bottom. After encounters with thugs and monsters, a brief episode of moustache empowerment, and an appearance by David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch, Spongebob and Patrick grow closer and together develop courage. Those who aren't familiar with Spongebob, prefer watching news commentary instead of animation, or repress their allies when a dirty cop (Gabriel Byrne) and his team lay siege to the building. DeMonaco's script is awash with cliches and its utilization of countless well-worn character arcs and narrative twists turns Carpenter's gritty, vicious, efficient genre film into nothing more than a tacky by-the-books action film. The characters are painful stereotypes. Troubled cop Roenick (Hawke - evidently from this film, the poor man's Tom Cruise) who, when things start to get tough, cannot resist popping a painkiller out of a matchbox, later finds himself redeemed and cured. The bad ass, wise cracking criminal "from da hood" who comes out with lines such as "something funny's going on and I want to know what da funk it is." As well as, most irritatingly, Roenick's shrink who comes out with a barrage of cheesy psychobabble yet, oh so ironically, turns out to be an obsessive compulsive. A reflection of just how painful she was to watch came when she was shot and the audience let out cries of glee. To be fair, the film does constantly attempt to try and create some sort of emotion and excitement. This results in several failed attempts to introduce love interest, most hilariously when Fishburne and a female cop "who just can't resist bad boys" get horny in the middle of a gun Movie any form of immaturity (in short, the majority of students at the LSE) might not enjoy The Spongebob Squarepants Movie. But the rest will certainly find Spongebob's hilarity and nonsensical nature appealing. In such a complicated and scary world, the movie offers a 23 Director: Jean-Francois Richet Starring; Etinan Hawke, Laurence Fisliburne, Gabriel Byrne Certificate: 15 Reiease Date: 28tii Jan fight. Richet does try to ratchet up the tension, yet sadly this seems to involve getting trigger happy with a snow machine, much over use of the word f**k and the sudden unexplained way a forest seems to materialize near the station which had previously been on an urban wasteland. Indeed, the change of set is so inexplicable and unbelievable that one wonders if perhaps you have accidentally had a little doze during which the cast miraculously minced through a magic wardrobe. Although it is a pretty dismal film, I am not afraid to give credit where it is due and if I am to be honest. Assault on Precinct 13 was not un-enjoyable to watch for its entirety. It was funny at points but this was unintentional as you are laughing at it rather than with it. It also provided some excellent and highly imaginative ways of killing people such as a seatbelt clasp to the throat and icicle through the eye ball. However, overall, my advice would be, if you have been dating someone who you are keen to get rid of, or have a friend you strongly dislike, take them to see Assault on precinct 13 - they will never want to speak to you again. ? ? ? ? ? Director: Stephen Hillenburg Voices of: Tom Kenny, Scarlet Johansson, Alec Baldwin Running Time: 90min Release Date: 11th Feb 2005 Certificate: U chance to temporarily escape to the simple, quiet life of Bikini Bottom. ? ? ? ? ? Spongebob Squarepants The jamlmakan gets in touch with his inner child 24 B:art The Beaver 1 February 2005 Sci-Fi-London: The Fourth London International Festival of Science Fiction and Fantastic Film Playing at the excellent Curzon theatres throughout February are a selection of world premiers, classics and documentaries surrounding the world of science fiction. The organisers describe the events as "a strictly non-geeky (ttio' we are all geeks at heart), serious look at science fictior) and fantasy film!", and is the only UK festival of it's kind. With a "no Stars Wars and no Star Trek" policy, the festival has gained a large following in it's 2 year tenure. Full details and a programme can be found here a httD://www.sci-fi-lon-don.com/. and here are the obligatory Beaverfilm picks... Sat Feb: Matrix all-nighter Curzon Soho Exactly what you think it is; all three Matrix movies back to back from midnight, at the Curzon Soho. You'll get free Ben and Jerry's ice cream, Red Bull, Tea and Coffee, but it's probably best to sneak in plenty of booze. Thurs Feb: Premier of Stoners Curzon Panton Street European Strange one, this. A documentary about a mysterious internet game soundtracked by Pink Floyd's The Division Bell, the first time they've provided an entire album for a movie since The Wall. natalievassilouthis, our very own, strictly non geeky, scj-fi fan ... • mm} At 12 years old, disappearing into a black hole created by super-advanced spaceship technology seems like an exciting prospect. Presumably, much like that of the ship Itself, a seven year journey of discovery (or at least consistent cinema-going) merits a reflexive ironic raising of the eyebrow at the dtt^ neo-gothic air and tense techno-atitl&i phere this particular Paul Anderson effort. It is easy jo (lismiss Event Horizon as an empty za, left to loiter somewhere In thesfiW--ows of the interminable queue of sphete-cube-what-was-that-movle-where-they're-stuck-on-a-spaceship?s that bave since populated our cinemas. I. Comparisons to Tarkofsky's Solaris are inevitable, even more so in light of the more recent remake. The truth is, when reviewing Event Horizon retrospectively, it is a tough sell. The jaded audiences of, the sci-fi generation have seen'eve|^ CSL^ incarnation ranging from Sigourney Weaver, Howe^f^g >e>^lntl to-^ 1997 and arguably, lttma|fesl.4n(,'alto» get'her d|ffere^1%)re/sion. ' ' Wis It may be wise heVej the essetiqe' pl^^ around a ve^gl^tni in 2040. Tk|'.''p4 super-advancecl the capatjiiity tQjf hbles and^thus b'b'i^ly outiine that pt' iltorizon r^olves sent iirtb space teular ^p«eimen of fii|)tfogy ixissess^ amiss when the entists/aRfO^R unreasoQ#le gage tiM However,flft 2>niteG u/hAn to the outet reacmf beyond?}. pril5ingty|M pears fror^ gron^^l^K .^Meck ai^^mmense speed ^^Se universe (and the major scien-^Vrhis ship (unsur-^ront Horizon) disap-»e station radar for p re-emerge suddenly, atch of a group of sci- opaths with emotional bag- sbmethihg fe inzon Is discov- ered to^have ^^ pbai^oned Marie Celeste-like... ^ A » Here we have an utadprnulpped team of scientists who are d^aHng with an ^ien life-form that uses ea6h human's mpst personal, dreadful fear to kill them. Looking from a posMVI^ri!rperspecti%}. It's easy to snicker at thg film's effort 14- l^pple with unconventional concepts, p's difficult to Imagine Laurence ¥ishburne in anything less than a long leather coat and tiny sunglasses. There are a million things wrong with the unfulfilled potential of the script, the predictable performances of the actors and ffln now out-dated plot line. To be frank, I thl ending is so grossly underdeveloped that it's likely that In any other context it would have warranted a throwing down of the vintage VHS tape in disgust. Is It worth it the tape it's printed on? It depends what you're looking for. Regardless of the easily identifiable weaknesses, Anderson's eerie stylistic touch, derived from his obvious reverent homage to historic directors is still good for 96 minutes of slight disturbance to gripping fear (relative to the strength of your nerves). And if the gloomy backlighting, convoluted plot and sudden noises don't threaten your weil-sea^ot^^d sense of horror, there's alway^ the'guy who's found in the galley, qjtened and relieved of several Internal organs, which !> leads to the pertinent conclusion, things dould be worse... #>' Fancy writing for beaverfilm? Get in touch at thebeaver.art@ise.acMk The Beaver 1 February 2005 B:art 25 music edited by Matt Boys and Ben Howarth neshwaboukhari dons her slacker shoes, grunge garb and musters a bucket load of teenage angst to go and see J IN^CISCIS at the Bush Hall Since the extinction of Dinosaur Jr., a band who superlatively influenced the dawning of the slacker grunge rock scene, (you may recall that big bang of morose distortion of the early 90's), J Mascis' history with The Fog is something approached by many with sheer reminiscent glee. Tonight however, the mist has lifted and clarity is in the air, for alas and alak. The Fog aren't going to be gracing us with their presence, leaving us in for a treat by way of the purest form of unadulterated genius that is J IVIascis. One man and his effects peddle never launched such a sonic attack. Drained in distortion and dripping in delay, everything in his set is served to monolithic proportions leaving one aghast at how he is getting this all done on an electro-acoustic, his wee fingers twiddling away. Mascis is looking good, and in remarkable defiance of the passage of time there's still no trace of those tell tale signs; there's no male pattern baldness, no receding hair line. Yes folks, I am pleased to report that he is still sporting that fine mane of long hair, which in the glow of the stage lighting shines luminous white making the 'two fingers up' at middle age seem even more eloquent. The crowd are something special too. Thirtysomethings still harking back to the days of yore that were before they realised that their subscription to the movement borne out of slackerdom wasn't getting them beyond the weekly trip to the local job centre, and they had to resubmit their application to go part time. Choice sound bite of the evening includes this gem from the end of the gig after everyone had vied with the stubbornly strict venue rules for yet another encore, "man. Dinosaur Jr. is like SO like the time of your first ever girlfriend / boyfriend". Er, yeah, right on IVIr, but then it is at this moment that my gaze falls to my shoes, as I realise I probably wasn't even born... On his second encore he is joined by a flautist keenly pilfered from the support band, who currently appears to be single handedly redefining the concept of the 'rock-flute' (see also: Bardo Pond). They set on for a fifteen minute maelstrom of epic proportion. I can't remember grunge being this good. Cobain, wrench your heart out and use it as a tinderbox, for we are all now ordained in the house of the latterday slacker; why you can even look out for one of its disciples, yes, they'll be the one with the shaggy haircut, standing in front of you, with a tin of beans in hand, in the queue at your local Netto's. Classic Albums that will never become 'Classic Albums' jamiestevens argues the case for 'Natural Bridge' by the Silver Jews No, I don't really wanna die. I only want to die in your eyes. And so the record begins. David Berman, the only constant member of the 'joos', is a wordsmith over songsmith (poetry is his main source of artistic output) - this is obvious from the outset. The music provides a wash of thoughtful Americana as the context for DB's gothic anecdotes. The guitars glimmer, the bass jumps melodically and the drums subtly conduct. Berman's earthy tones deliver the black words and ill-tuned intonation with haunting clarity. A young man with an old, weathered voice that I'm sure makes his dentist cry when he's asked to say 'Aaaah'. It is a voice that some (most?) find repellent but that is part of it's brilliant paradox. When I go downtown, I always wear a corduroy suit because it's made of a hundred gutters that the rain can run right through. Maybe I should just copy and paste the lyrics to the album and that would do. Berman's words alone are enough to make you invest in his entire back catalogue. If you don't want to smile, muse or plainly admire his diction then stick with those generic indie lyrics instead. These are sentiments to be cherished, not fashioned. Its odd, though, because 1 never listen to lyrics normally. Things pass me by. I didn't notice that Sufjan Stevens was singing about Christianity, or that John Darnielle (The Mountain Goats) was harping on about heroin. I am part of the soundbite generation. Lucky me, then, because Natural Bridge is purely a jigsaw of fortune-cookie wisdom of the most brilliant kind. I passed out on the fourteenth floor. The CPR was so erotic. The word genius is overused and certainly not applicable here. Berman is no genius, he is hyper-normal, able to express the everyday with such cutting honesty that he makes me want to bask in the blissful banalities of life. And that is a true gift. 2^ B:arF THS'VSffvS^'^ 1 February 2005 Albums Kings of Tomorrow: Trouble Sandy Rivera is Kings of Tomorrow. Don't ask me, I don't know how that works either. From the cover on this album, you would be forgiven in thinking that he was a poor quality Hendrix impersonator. Bizarrely though, this is just Sandy's 'look'. But If you can grow hair like that you might as well give it a try. The Puerto Rican New Yorker actually deals in funky house and it sounds like he's having a good time with it. Apparently, 'Trouble' is an autobiographical project for Sandy. To be honest then, dear old Sandy can't have had the hardest times of it because the entire album is backed by a chilled out groove. If we'd all spent vast sections of our lives spinning discs on Ibiza, we'd all be producing sounds as up beat as this. Away with cynicism though! 'Rain' is Rivera's chest-thumping defiance against all the things in the world getting him down. '6pm' urges us all to shake off the trials of a hard day's work to blues guitar and house beats, whilst 'Thru' details the end of a relationship - Sandy can have his fair share of misery like the rest of us. Yet, despite all the trials and tribulations it seems that he just keeps his chin up and marches on. Best of luck to him. These are the two faces of 'Trouble': the struggles around which the tunes are built, and the incessantly lifting nature of the music. Despite all the assurances I'm given about how hard it is for Sandy to make his way through the world, I can't get the image of some big haired, loud shirted DJ living it up on a Mediterranean island out of my head. My sympathy is wearing thin. laurencekavanagh Death In Vegas: Milk It 'Milk It' is the Death In Vegas' first Best Of dripping with DIV's trademark and critically acclaimed mix of electronic / techno / funk / indie. Part of this 'best of conjures up images of Notting Hill yuppies with their yoga classes, bindis and world music compilations. Annoying. 'Girls' is like relaxation music with it's 'ooohs' and 'aaahs', it's promising build-up dragging onto boredom. 'Rematerialised' really has been influenced by some 'Chorus of Whales' CD before strutting into futuristic reggae territory - avoid. Paul Weller transforms 'So You Say You Lost Your Baby' from a pretty dull indie piece to a pretty dull indie piece stamped with Weller's credibility. Not bad seeing that Liam Gallagher's fatal drone turns Scorpio rising from a boring tune to a boring tune stamped unbearable. Yet the other half of Death In Vegas' material cleverly lures and seduces. Bauhaus seeps through the Adult penned 'Hands Around My Throat' and it's unsettling pulse. Dirty's crusty beats and fuzzy guitars soundtrack an energetic migraine (surely you've had one of those?). The eerie, apocalyptic, narcotic atmosphere of 'Soul Auctioneer' begs for the equally dark yet seductive murmur of Shirley Manson (sadly we get Bobby Gillespie). Even the instantly recognisable 'la la la' vocal of 'Dirge' echoes creepily over the weakly strummed guitar line as the whole piece heavily drags us down too. Luckily, for the slightly darker hearted, 'Milk It' includes a second CD of remixes (with Polyphonic Spree and 2 Lone Swordsmen including mixes) and perfectly shows just how awesome Death In Vegas' unique mix can be. A sound purchase. nastarantavakoll-far Nas: Street's Disciple Nas has ridden high in the upper echelons of the U.S.' East Coast rap scene since his first full-length album, 1994's lllmatic, an exhilirating debut that the rai> per tried hard to emulate for many years. In the battle for the King of East Coast Rap title following the death of the hugely influential Notorious B.I.G. in '97, Nas ended up losing out to arch-rival Jay-Z, and it took 2001's Stillmatic (the title a deliberate play on that of his debut) to bring both critics and his fans on the street back onside. Street's Disciple has been designed to build on this rekindled reputation, but things seem to have gone to Nas' head somewhat, for this is a sprawling two-disc set that suffers a fate common with many such double albums: over-indulgence. That said, there are plenty of standout moments on Street's Disciple, especially Nas' trademark freestyle raps, which, for the most part, compare favourably with the rapper's best work and show he's still got the lyrical dexterity to remain leader of the pack. A little trimming of the self-indulgent excesses and this would have been an excellent single album of top-quality hip-hop. As it is, Nas disciples will still have plenty to keep them occupied exploring the highly personal raps and snazzy samples, while newcomers might be better off with one of Nas' more digestible single-disc albums, like Stillmatic or 2002's God's Son. dominical-badrl Singles Sla: Numb Saying nothing against singer/songwriter and sometime Zero 7 vocalist Sia as a singer, this song seems something of a non-event. Easy listening yet on closer inspection surprisingly incoherent, this is passable background music but otherwise an underwhelming effort from a singer capable of much more. aedanlake Stereophonies: Dakota I really wanted to hate this single because its the Stereophonies who are synonymous with the term 'music for losers'. However, its impossible to dislike something so bland and insipid that I cannot even rouse myself to get even remotely angry with it. I still hate Kelly Jones though. annango Charlotte Hathertey: Bastardo Charlotte Hatherley is a guitarist in the better-known Ash, whose star she is unlikely to out-shine with this poppy second single from debut album 'Grey Will Fade'. It's coming out on Valentine's Day, which she may not be the biggest fan of; this is about a one-night stand who stole her guitar. sarahtayior Dogs: She's Got A Reason Rambunctious major label follow-up to last year's "London Bridge" from the hotly-tipped, garage-punk-influenced five-piece that, if hardly original, does what it does very well (angry lament about bloke whose girl has done a runner). Sounds like they've got the chops live, too -catch'em on tour in February/March. dominical-badrt James Yorkston and The Athletes: Shipwreckers This lovely song is so subtle it completely passed me by when I listened to It; my consciousness of music only switched on when the next song on my playlist began. This is not the song to hook you into the world of James Yorkston, though he does deserve concentrated attention. sarahtayior People in Planes: Talking Heads Interesting effort from the Cardiff-based up-and-comers once known as Tetra Splendour. Proggy in a post-Radiohead kind of way, this song involves wailing about exploding heads against a backdrop of reasonably dramatic guitarman-ship. So all the ingredients are there, but the end product is merely satisfactory in this case. Worth keeping an eye on (a couple of interesting b-sides affirms this) but haven't quite hit their stride yet. aedaniake The Be*vei^ 1 February 200S B:arf~ 27 Visual arts edite< Sanitised Fascism nastarantavakoli-far is puzzled by the Italian Futurists d by Nastaran Tavakoli-Far Futurist Skies : italian Aeropalnting Venue : Estorick Collection of Modern Italian Art 39a Canonbury Square London N1 2AN Nearest Tube : Highbury and Islington Open : Wed - Sat: 11am - 6pm Sunday : 12am - 5pm Closed : Monday and Tuesday Admission : Free with NUS Until 20th Feburary 2005 According to Umberto Boccioni and Fortunate Depero, two icons of the Italian Futurist movement of the 1920-30s, art should be 'art-action, that is to say will, aggression, possession, joy, brutal reality, the geometric splendour of force, projection forward'. No wonder then that such artists are now notorious for their staunch support of Mussolini. With a thirst to break with Italy's artistic tradition, poet Filippo Tomato Marinetti had his Founding Manifesto glorifying war and violence, the new machine age and celebrating speed and danger printed on the front page on Le Figaro in 1909. What better machine to 'celebrate' all of the above than the aeroplane? Bringing together a range of Futurist paintings and sculptures drunk in the delight of the speed and force of aeroplanes, this exhibition leaves one feeling in part like a 12 year old boy in shorts with a slingshot from the early 1930s, part like a moralis- tic sell-out who shouldn't even be attending such a tasteless exhibition. Tullio Crali's two pieces are by far the most striking and awesome of the show. Nose-diving on the city is comprised of rigid blocks of green. We are in the cockpit, rapidly falling into a bright centre among the mass of solid structures. This piece engages one in the art perfectly. Nose-diving on the airport (flapping wing), made of solid blocks of every gorgeous shade of green from thick mint to deep De Lempicka jade, can actually be described as beautiful. However, all this leaves one uneasy. It is almost unbelievable to think that such artistic Icons not only did not see any problem with such actions but even glorified such horrific acts as kamikaze. Ivanhoe Gambini's Notturno - Flying above the skyscrapers, with it's almost stencil spray-paint effect - is much akin to the fascist propaganda which aeropainting eventually became. Bruno Munari's Searchlights on Caproni aeroplanes uses two bold tones and is part fascist propaganda, part comic book illustration. Again, despite being such a tasteless glorification of war, one cannot deny the beauty of the two ivory searchlights illuminating deep blue planes in a dark yet soft nocturnal landscape. The feeling of unease grows. Some works are absolutely absurd. What Venue : Tate Britain, Millbank Nearest Tutie : Pimlico Open : Monday - Sunday 10am - 6pm Admission : Free Until 17th April 2005 On first sight, Anthony Caro's sculptures are industrial, void of traditional aesthetic and bordering on the grotesque. Yet aged 81, Caro is one of the most revolutionary sculptors that has ever graced this earth. He has redefined the role of sculpture in the most poetic and thought provoking of ways. Caro started his artistic career as an assistant to Henry Moore. His early figurative works from this era focus on the experience of being inside the body. Explorations in light, mass and volume plague these cumbersome shapes whose forcefully protruding limbs hint at an artist ill at ease with his subject matter. It is only when Caro begins to abstract these rebellious extremities that the artist as he is known now really takes shape. was Alfredo Gauro Ambroni thinking when he composed Loreto Madonna? Above the clouds draping a rural landscape, the shape of the Madonna can be made out being flanked by upright aeroplanes in a cross shapes. Marinetti's 'new religion of speed' had taken the aeroplane to be it's ideal icon but this is just way too much. Luckily, the feeling of unease fades at this point. I was left half in disbelief, half in hysterics. And then there are some pieces neither provocative yet alluring, neither absurd, one such piece being Enrico Prampolini's Dali-esque shapes in Cosmic revolution. By this time, abstraction had already been achieved in painting but sculpture was sorely lagging behind. It was then this task of bringing an abstract three-dimensional art form to the fore that Caro took upon his shoulders, after the revolutionary move of becoming the first sculptor to remove his work from a plinth. Heavy figurative forms were discarded and a sense of space moulded. His second revolutionary move was to introduce colour to sculpture. Typically dreary industrial materials were replaced by bright, vivid structures. Caro then hoisted sculptures onto blocks, to provide the illusion of floating artwork. Years later a musical aesthetic began to creep in, forms changed melodically as the viewer circled the piece. Solid form was then denied its prominent role and a pictorial approach was adopted. Emotional human gestures started to be echoed within structures and Caro developed a consideration of how much could be removed from a sculpture before it lost all form of expression. By the mid-1960s Caro had become world famous and a gaggle of sculptors were copying his ideas. Yet the master's tireless response was to surpass them even roughly textured and then broken up with a solid creme line. Renato Di Bosso's small bronze sculpture Parachutist is almost like a little Oscar statuette falling through the sky and being draped in the smooth waves of the wind. Many of these pieces did glorify war with a disturbing craving for force and violence, while others did show the mechanical splendour of this new machine and the sheer joy of flight. However, with such clean and sanitised works of art, I wonder whether the Futurists succeeded in truly conveying the aggression and brutal reality they claimed their art conveyed. further, creating a new presentational mode for sculpture through his miniature sculptures made on tables. His self-critical restlessness still pushed his originality further with an eventual removal of colour, removal of lyricism and adoption of geometric forms. The seventies welcomed an obsession with the edges of sculptures and their resulting silhouettes. The eighties heralded a return to referential works, influenced by classical pedi-mental sculpture. The last decade has seen Caro produce politically potent works; his Last Judgement is a comment upon ethnic cleansing and a protest against war. But even more recently, Caro has begun to blur the boundaries between architecture and sculpture. Once past the apparent awkwardness of Caro's creations there is a lyrical, musical, figurative, fluid, revolutionary and never-ending journey through sculpture to be experienced. Without knowledge of the artist, this show is a write off, again the Tate having provided only a poor and minimal guide to accompany the show. Still I urge you to read up a small amount on Caro and throw yourself headfirst into one of the most eye-opening shows of the year. Anthony Caro carolinebray on a legend 28 B:art The Beaver 1 February 2005 about edited by Gareth Rees Want some Dim Smn? r Lido 41 Gerrard Street Chinatown WC2 - 020 7437 4431 Greetings my eager little beavers and welcome to a brand new about section, edited by yours truly. To start my editorship I thought I'd cover 'Dim Sum' which can be translated as literally "touch the heart", "dotted heart", or "to order to one's heart's content", a food style that is abundant in London and holds a special place in the heart of so many. If it doesn't hold a special place in your heart then SHAME ON YOU! Think of all those cute, fluffy white pork buns without a home, you bloody LSE students really sicken me sometimes! Read this article then venture forth in search of gastronomic delight, my friends, 1 promise that it will be a journey well spent. The history of Dim Sum is long and fairly dull, but damn it, this is my article and if you don't like it then tough! Travellers along the Chinese part of the Silk Road (for those of you with no knowledge or imagination - this was a route along which Silk was transported from the 'Orient' to the more Westerly nations.) would need a place to rest to relax after the rigours of their hard journey. Thus teahouses were erected along the route to service their needs. For many years only yum cha which broadly translates as "drinking tea" were served as it was considered inappropriate to combine tea with food as it was believed this would lead to excessive weight gain. However, it was later established that tea actually aids digestion, thus little snacks, what we now call Dim Sum, began to be served. Dim Sum is usually comprised of a hugely varied selection of small portions of food, much like a Chinese version of the Spanish Tapes or Greek Meze. However, the sheer variety within these categories can be immense. There are a few pieces of etiquette which may be worth bearing in mind when you go to eat Dim Sum, if you are not already aware of them. Firstly, tea really is the only acceptable drink to accompany this style of food, ordering anything else will probably result in you getting strange looks from the staff. Remember, tea costs next to nothing and is constantly refilled for free, so if there's any reason to drink it, it's just so much more economical than drinking anything else, except tap water. When your teapot is empty, to indicate that you desire a refill just take the lid and slide it back in the hole at an angle. If you can't visualise what I mean just keep an eye on other customers and I'm sure you'll pick it up! It's also customary to tap the table with a couple of fingers in front of your cup as tea is being poured for you as a sign of thanks. If you also want to be polite, the Cantonese equivalent of thanks is "Mmm Goi". It's at this stage that I'll finally make all this appropriate, to London. There's a plethora of places to eat Dim Sum in London, although you'll find a huge concentration in Central London, most notably Soho/Chinatown. Below I've given a list of the some of the best places I've been to, but I'm sure there's absolutely masses which I haven't covered. Floating Lotus 38 Limeharbour, London E14 9RH 7515 6445 020 The "Floating Lotus" is absolutely stunning. Located in the back end of the Docklands, it is a floating restaurant, moored up on a small patch of water (which 1 presume is called Lime Harbour but I'm not too certain). Although it may seem like a bit out of the way, not only would the food warrant the journey three times over, but it's also surprisingly easy to get to. If going from LSE just jump on Central line then change to DLR at Bank. Get off at Cross Harbour DLR station and the water it is floating on is right behind the "London Arena". Service is very friendly, attentive and efficient, even when the restaurant gets busy. More importantly though, the food is wonderful. Some things to keep an eye open for are their fresh seasonal veg fried with garlic. Deep-fried chicken, whilst not sounding very inventive, is great: crunchy and chickeny but not greasy. Also their "Chicken Feet" and "Taro Croquettes" are amazingly good, and I normally hate them! Although I've only ever been for Dim Sum, the main menu is also supposed to be excellent. Joy King Lau Chinatown WC2 - 3 Leicester Street 020 7437 1132 These are two of my favourite Chinatown Dim Sum spots, although to be honest there are many other good ones. Both are extremely consistent from my experience, offering top quality Dim Sum on the whole and with reasonably good service. Admittedly with JKL the service can be a bit rushed but to be fair they are always filled to the brim on all 3 floors. There's not much to differentiate them in the same way that the "Floating Lotus" can boast, but then if you're just looking for good Dim Sum rather than an adventurous voyage outside of Central London then these will fulfil your needs perfectly. Yauatclia 15 Broadwick Street, Soho, Wl, - 020 7494 8888 Whilst admittedly! haven't yet been here, I have had heard tons of good things about it so I thought I'd mention it. It's another restaurant newly opened by Alan Yau (Of Hakkasan, Wagamama and Busaba Eathai fame). He's never set a foot wrong so far so it's probably a safe bet that this all day Dim Sum restaurant will be pretty special. Whilst the dishes seem a bit pricier than usual, their innovative nature that breaks away from the traditional Dim Sum offerings would probably explain and maybe even merit this. I've heard mixed things about the service, but I think it's worth chancing your luck in this case. Before I send you on your merry way to enjoy the delights of Dim Sum I just thought I'd give a quick list of what I find to be the best and most reliable dishes if you're a newcomer to Dim Sum, or even a hardened veteran: Char Slu (Roast Pork)/Prawn Cheung Fun - Meat wrapped in a broad rice noodle Char Slu Pau - Fluffy steamed buns filled with roast pork Paper wrapped prawns -does what it says on the tin Ha Gau - Prawn wrapped in a transluscent rice-flour covering, like a dumpling of sorts Egg Tarts or deep fried egg buns - like egg custard tarts or little doughnuts Lotus wrapped glutinous rice - normally stuffed with pork, mushroom and Chinese sausage Slu Mai - Minced prawn and pork dumplings in a yellow wrapping. I've been told by a Chinese friend (although I don't know if he was taking the Bertie) that these used to be made with minced snake meat and the little drop on the top was a snake's eye. SflT The Beaver 1 Februaiy 2005 29 literature edited by Ion Martea Pornographic Literature? ionmartea indulges in the world of Sodom PHILOSOPHY IW THE BOUDOIR Minski the Cruel With the re-release of Marquis de Sade's Philosophy in the Boudoir in February, the issue concerning the status of pornographic literature is brought again into light. Quite an important majority of critics would even argue that the term 'literature' for this kind of obscene writing is seriously unjustified. Others, on the other hand, leave all their inhibitions behind, and succumb effortlessly into this world of perversity in order to understand the underlying elements that call for the necessity of the specific genre in our search for knowledge, in our search for an ultimate Truth. We are not really concerned with Erotica per say in this article. Sexual liberation has brought a lot trash in the market. Mediocre writers, with the single intent of arousing the reader, have seen an easy way out to earn a living. Ridiculous plots, such as often found in film pornography, that rarely go beyond the "I've come to fix your fridge" paradigm, are plenty, and seriously harm the status of the genre, and it is often questionable in its aphrodisiac powers. What most of the Erotica seems to miss is the relationship between our body and the domestic, social and religious politics. Erotica works singly on Freudian concepts of fantasy, good pornography, good literature in general talks about reality. And it is here where the difficulty for writers sets in. Marquis de Sade is quite generally accepted as a pervert, but the interest in his work is still kept alive. One reason is perhaps the historic factor. Noah Cross, in Robert Towne's screenplay of Chinatown, summarises it best: "'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.". But this would be an unfair assessment of de Sade's work. The social constructed madness to which he was reduced for most of his life, was a simple consequence of a system in which religion would assume perfect knowledge of the human kind, and in consequence would destroy all the 'impure' elements in the system. But "In order to know virtue, we must acquaint ourselves with vice. Only then can we know the true measure of a man." (Doug Wright, Quills). And it is this simple, crude recounting of the human kind, void of self-flattery and meaningless metaphors, that erupt in his writing. "I didn't create this world of ours" is the Marquis exclaiming in Wright's pseudo-biographical play, "I merely recorded it". It is up to the reader to ensure no personal convictions or taboos to dominate his/her mind. What de Sade's work wants to deliver in its message is a simple fact that sexuality is as an important factor in our humanity as honesty or scientific education. The taboos are but constructed by certain insecure individuals who want to impose their fear on the society. Serious pornographic literature would be void of criticism in a world in which there are no man-made rules, but of no use in Sodom though. It's message is not one of perversity, but one of self-knowledge. "Be Yourself!", not what others want you to be. If sex is uninteresting then don't bother, but don't suppress your desire if you feel it lurking inside you. Martin Amis in his 1970s erotic exploration of a literature Oxford applicant, Rachel's Papers, is probably one of the most successful modern novels in the genre. Yes, one does find out about all forms heterosexual sex takes, but the self-discovery of the protagonist happens on a literate level, Amis successfully portraying the relationship between the reality in fiction and that in the real world. Wright seems to have the right quote yet again, that works wonderfully for Rachel's Papers: "Conversation, like certain por- tions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated" after all. The surrealists had their share of exponents, starting with the likes of Georges Bataille, and arguably shaping best in Catherine Breillat. The one recurring thing is that the majority of writers are European, particularly French. Maybe there is something intrinsic in the history of the continent that makes it prone to writing serious work on the matter. Or maybe Europeans just adore to be on the extreme, despite shaping the mainstream. Probably The Divine Marquis said it best: "Imperious, angry, furious, extreme in all things, with a disturbance in the moral imagination unlike any the world has ever known - there you have me in a nutshell: and one more thing, kill me or take me as I am. Tor i win not cnange." LSE's own poetry and prose is testate-ment to that. Perverse. Oh, yeah! But the Catherine Breillat Lyrical Effigies Daddy's liWe girl by Vivienne Poet Name unKnown dress like cocaine snows sequinned Elephants Screaming shouting breasts Punchkickfucked Soulless room, inaudible noise like A Cat 9 times on your Roor But that comes later Sensuously Transpired Dream bitch whore look what you've done Mummy's gonna TELL. Sorrow for Two by Bea Richardson Keats struts classically around my bed side table Marie Claire lounges sleazily on the floor The literary lord and whore Nicole Kidman offers Athenian sexual power yet... "That is all ye know on Earth, and all ye need to know" In the theatre of coffee, through the night of Winter's 4 Eyebrows, fingers, thumbs perform your pain to me Your spotlight shows the strings puppeting the lies Now tap-dancing salt on your scar My eyes, in the audience. Shout your pain is heard A standing ovation of empathy on my face Kidman and Keats wrestle fruitlessly across town My happiness is here, in the transaction of pain You sort me out, I'll sort you Deal The royal seal of my arms on your rib cage For the sake of fuck, lets look up She must be up there somewhere We plebs on the ground are soon to be found By smiles of friends, who care. Hearts by Holly Dowson your heart is in a cage - flaming curls of silver barbed wire crowned with a tiara of broken glass like a cruel stag joke or a stab at the Crucifixion. mine is closed. It is a shed for daydreaming and you slump on its floor, head back eyes closed open mouth open legs - and I stare at you, remembering the lingering alone when you left when I kissed your eyes as you cried with your head in my lap, and I 30 Sports The Beaver 01 February 2005 K:k>'s Block The AU has been called dumb, childish and loutish Whatever. Only the morbidly obese and communist dictators looking for an effective opiate should be taking a serious attitude to sport. For the rest of us, it is escapism. Everj' Wednesday, hundreds of us can forget that we have to do a degree and begin the epic 12 hour journey from Waterloo to Walkabout, marching arm-in-arm with our comrades every step of the way to the beat of the heart wrenching LSE chants. BeaverSports reports on the AU.This we must do truthfully, for truth is the highest journalistic value. And thus, Jen and I have been mandated by our election as editors to provide for you on the; hallowed back pages a glimpse into the dark heart of the Athletics Union. It would be wrong of us not to give weekly updates on Ibny Murphy's quest to father 50 children before he leaves university. It would be dovraright irresponsible to fail to report on the next time Hestor Barsham is chucked out of Walkabout and is seen waving her AU Exec card at the bouncers and screaming 'Do you know who am?!'. If 27ie JBeaucr were available in newsagents, I would like to think that Sports would force it onto the top shelf. I want the Daily Mail to describe me as a 'purveyor of smut'. I want Christians to pray for the salvation of my soul, wouldn't mind a fatwa. My co-editor is a topless model. Rock on. You can see her in action in the very wonderful Women's Rugby Calendar, which has made a huge amount of money for charity, and is generally brave. Some attention-craving dick-weeds have complained about it, of course. Here's an idea for them; either stump up the cash it's raised yourself,or shut up. I hate these whiny people, think less of union twats than of Union Carbide. I solemnly swear to take every opportimity to piss them off, till their indignant, self-righteous rage is making them tremble more than Shakin' Stevens. With an 18 inch vibrator up his arse. Being bombed by a squadron of chieftain tanks. During an earthquake. If there were any justice, of course, all those things would be happening not to Shakin' Stevens but to union twats. I want to thank everyone who has edited BeaverSports since got here. Carter; Featherstone; Vyras; Mcaleavey; Hastie; it's quite a roll-call. I hope someday the names Bush and Calow wiU; deserve to sit alongside them. Till next time. Parting is such unadulterated agony. Firsts beaten up by UCL - R'n'B blamed Gaz 'The Pirate' Carter Mighty Mighty Ists........0 Ungracious, Canting Loppers...........................1 St Bastard Albans Life is never easy. Whilst you journey through this existence, there are pitfalls waiting to catch the unsuspecting, traps to snare the unwary, and UCL gimps to trip the beautiful but naive amongst us. And so it was this Wednesday when, at St Albans like a single rose in a sea of putrescence, the Mighty Mighty Firsts were cruelly dealt one of life's low-punches - a sly jab to the balls whilst we weren't looking. Such lack of concentration costs, and the Mighty Mighty Firsts found out first hand the true price. It all seemed so innocuous when we started out - Tom Bray's encounter with a National Front badge-wearing half-wit a minor blemish on an otherwise banter-ful journey to St Albans. We arrived (finally, after a deaf, dumb, blind and foreign taxi driver took us completely the wrrong way for twenty minutes) to be greeted by a welcoming committee comprising of the UCL coach (foreign also, and with a grin like a paedophilic shark) and a severely retarded, buck-toothed simpleton who was masquerading as the UCL captain. Needless to say, they were clearly sinners in their past lives, as they couldn't raise one iota of class, sophistication or intelligence between them as they asked to check our IDs. We had aU of fourteen seconds to warm up, and we were into it. Or rather, we were out of it. In the very first minute, Tom Bray's bar was rattled by a shinned, loppy kind of shot from their centre-forward - the kind of guy you wake up thanking God you aren't. An ensuing comer flashed past the contemplative Firsts and, unable to believe this smattering of good fortune in a life otherwise filled with pain and disappointment, their striker nodded home. Looking mildly sturmed, and not a little lost, the Firsts restarted, and set about the Herculean task of trying to put two past a defence that hitherto had only shipped about one-eighth of a goal all season. The cake was iced when our prime goal-threat. Fishy Fishlock, limped off with a damaged leg about two minutes later. Don't worry, we still had one-legged, no-knee-d Andy Scott up front who, even in his state of nigh-on paraplegia, managed to carve out a few chances against the hollow-headed wretches who made up the UCL back four. It's at times like this when you need your big players to man-up and get on with the task at hand. To rise above the rest and shine, shine like the gods of the game they are. It was perhaps unfortunate then, that such occurrences were rare throughout the Mighty Mighty Firsts team. Gaz Carter fumed and booted his opposing mmiber up in the air - and indeed once, off the pitch - for the next eighty minutes, shredding the poor guy's socks and shorts in the process. Brummie was a lone high-point in a sea of mediocrity, and when that happens... weU. UCL couldn't get out of their half and apart from Shiva quite wisely preventing Dom from almost certainly equalising, the Firsts rarely created clear-cut chances. The half-time team talk revolved around Captain John telling us, in no uncertain terms, that our mothers were women of ill-repute, and that our fathers could have been any one of literally thousands of men and maybe even a few assorted farmyard animals. To reluctant, but almost unanimous, concurrence, we set out for the second half, Gaz Carter's foot hanging off his leg by a thread. We got back into it, and despite the best efforts of a referee who held firm views about football being a non-contact sport, the midfield battle began to resemble a British-nm Iraqi jail, with each player making sure to 'work hard' his opposite number. By this point, Paolo had been gang-raped by his opposite number and had left the field. Jimmy Little saw a late shot flutter testicle-achingly wide but, like Shiva in Calella, we never looked like scoring, and the end-product was ultimately disappointing. Still, it wasn't as if it was Australia Day, and instead of Walkabout we all had to go to Office, which was, in turn, packed with the entire UCL football team, or anjrthing. Oh... yes, yes it was. Shit. Coalition Forces Fail to Win Another War Jim 'calm down' Davies LSE Giant 2nds. Reading 2nd XV............36 Too Busy Reading Injured Coach Tristram looked on longingly from the sideline as his team floundered against the stronger, better organised Reading side. Bolstered by several first team regulars the 2nds held their lines early on and fought back as the game yo-yoed from end to end. New half-back combination of Jim and Pete struggled to provide flair players like Colin and Ryan the Americans with any substantial ball, as the forwards, including Messrs Streaker and Murderer, fought valiantly against the much bulkier poly pack. A lack of concentration and contentious refer-eeing decisions resulted in the opposition scoring more than one try, much to the annoyance of grumpy El Bear who was repeatedly told to 'Calm Down, Calm Down' by the debutant captain. In the second half. Els showed a much improved performance in all areas. Led by Son of Schalk (he of frolicsome (read here gay) hair) our heroic pack worked hard to prevent the barrage and were strengthened when Brownsie came off the bench. Having come out of retirement, Ryan Doyle made some made some admirable attempts to reach the opposition line, thwarted in the end by a lack of support and one sock. Inspired by their US cousins, our other backs upped their game. Calendar Girls' favourite Lord P^rquaad making several contributions. With barely minutes left on the clock, the referee lent a hand by sin-binning an unfortunate Reading player. Els sensed they now had the upper hand and the forwards ran amok, putting the opposition on the back foot. When the ball was finally spun out, new winger Nick found himself in acres of space with only 40yards between himself and the try line. He took the ball in two hands and ran as fast as his legs could carry A. him. As he neared the sacred line his peripheral vision informed him of the defensive threat; a rather large Reading player was closing in. "Go for the corner!" screamed his coach. "Dive now!" exclaimed his team mates. Not wanting to follow convention, Nick did neither, but instead decided to stop, pirouette, and fall over backwards. It seems Nick could be in for an impromptu meeting with something big and green in the not too distant future. As the final whistle rang round, the warriors of Houghton Street trudged off the pitch. Frustrated they were, regretful of mistakes and missed opportunities also, but they were not disheartened for they had just experienced for eighty minutes that which every man yearns to experience; to play rugby in an LSE shirt. The Beaver 01 February 2005 Sports 31 Awesome HcrtTrkkfor Fabs and his Merry Men Fab's Mighty Thirds take on Holloway, RUMs and Nat Blacid Fabs Joseph LSE Footy 3rds........... Pikey Holloway Scum.................................0 Fortress Berrylands, Surrey Well this was an eventful week for the Mighty force of the LSE third football team. Saturday saw us demolish an unsuspecting prison outfit, striped outfits and all. At the hallowed turf which is Berrylands we gave our foes a lesson in style and control of a football that Craig 'pele' (lol)Harris would have been proud of. We arrived at Berrylands to find that ULU referees are as elusive as Osama Bin Laden. Amazingly a fair.w€ll mariftered game was had against these reprobates from Holloway. Another sterling defensive display from our back four anchored by MC Hultum and the real fit Nick saw us coast past them in the battle at the top of the table 4-0. Carrying on his rich goal scoring form Jay Sean managed to score two more goals before myself and a returning BDEALY finished matters off. Into the week that was, as I write this article I feel so battered and bruised - I dread what Saturdays cup match has in store. Wednesday approached and what we thought would be a relatively easy game against the only team lower than the fourths came our way. Surely a chance to cement our rise to the top of the league. and wonder of wonders a referee showed up. As we took the pitch the Thirds looked at each other in bemusement as an unrecognisable opposition from that which was beaten down 1-0 at Berrylands took the field to face' us, would that be RINGERS we see? This was not to be pretty. Defenders claimed this was a rather ordinary game, battling hard and keeping yet another clean sheet. However our exhausted and battered attacking force came away from this match worse than Ulrika Johnson after a night out with Stan Collymore. Notably our own celeb Jay Sean finding that football boots do not stop studs from piercing ones skin if you are kicked hard enough. Well 1-0 was the final score and I looked back Wednesday night thinking 'that was one of the hardest tests of the season surely nothing can top that battle'. Little did I know that Thursday afternoon's UGM would hold a world of trouble. It's at this established forum that this talisman Third teamer shows his true skills in the art of Beaver paper ball throwing. After a lengthy session of ball throwing aimed at the Beaver editor and a spot of lunch (nice pie from eat-recommended) the UGM was boring me. A unique opportunity for an unprecedented three points arose as Madame Black, chair of the UGM, moved into my firing line. The pressure was immense but on my first throw she was struck square between the eyes, beautiful eyes at that. The game ended as she scored a consolation by having me removed. Well we are good but you know this already, what you may not know is how good Fabs, me, is at paper ball throwing. Tennis 2nds do the business Sumit 'Tells it like it is' Buttoo Last Wednesday was a crisp, cold day for the return leg between team land 2. Iteam 2 had recorded an impressive 8-2 rout earlier in the season and were confident of a crucial double. Crucial because Iteam 2 cumently sit proudly on top of the BUSA table, and have an outstanding chance of gaining promotion to the elite 4-team premiership next season. As it turned out, the match was not the walkover many e3q)ected, cind the result could have been different on another day. The players decided to play doubles first and the match between Andrew/Alex (Team 2) and Pedro/THstan got imderway first. The match was a poor indicator of the tense singles to foUow. Iteam 2 quickly relaxed to play some quality tennis. Inventive raUies were a feature of the match with aU the players displaying an array of drop shots, drives and lobs. Alex and Tristan always served into the sun, but Alex handled the obstacle much better, and this told as Ifeam 2 ran out very comfortable 8-0 winners. The other doubles between FeUx/Nic (Team 2) and Habeeb/James was less one-sided. Every player played their part, and the final score of 8-3 to Tteam 2 did not tell the whole stoiy. Next came the singles. An intense debate between Tfeam 1 over who shoiild face Andrew showed their fear of him. Eventually, it was Tristan who got the nod. Andrew broke to love in the first game and the expected massive mis-match duly unfolded. Andrew got to 4-1, without even breaking sweat. The only thing that kept IHstan going was the number of net chords that went his way. Andrew's reaction: "Don't you just love net chords?!". But he came through comfortably as expected 6-2, 6-1. 4-0 overall, and a whitewash was on the cards. The next singles was between Nic and Pedro, a contest between two players who exhibit some charming tennis. Pedro broke serve in the first game and looked infinitely happier than he did in the doubles. But though Nic struggled in the 1st set, his frustration clear, he fought back to take the 2nd set and a decider was needed. In the final set, Pedro upped his game again, just enough to haul his team back into the tie, and won out 6-1, 4-6, 6-3. The Argentinean and the Europ>ean spoke the same language several times! Footy 6ths bounce back The third match saw James take on Alex in a game that produced the best tennis of the day. Both players gave their all, Alex becoming so' enraged on one occasion that he threw his racket to the ground in disgust and swore loud enough for the whole park to hear.Yes, even the kids! The high calibre of tennis was a joy to watch, and the final 6-3,6-1 score to Alex certainly seemed a little flattering. Ifeam 2 then took £in unassailable 6-2 lead overall. So to the final, rather irrelevant match. Habeeb and ftelix were the stars, but it was Habeeb who shone the brightest. Fbom the off he looked very confident, never allowing Jtelix, one of the most consistent players of either team, to get a sniff. Habeeb took the match 6-2, 6-0. However, this only took the final score to 6-4 in favour of Iteam 2. So a much better effort from Ifeam 1, even if Pedro was the only survivor from the outfit hammered earlier in the campaign by Ifeam 2. The latter's quest for gloiy continues, while Teeim I's disastrous season looks to be ending in relegation. Northern Raga man fynnwynn prager LSE Footy 6ths........... Strand Polytechnic Sths.................................: Imitation Berrylands, Surrey After two horrific defeats on the trot, the sixes were determined to make catamites of the Strand Poly fifths. With Kapitan Roast back on the pitch and the Yorkshire back on the sidelines giving turd, the sixes made the best possible start. Le Rotisseur pumped the ball up the right wing, whereby 01' Chinese Pete ran it into the penalty area and delivered a sublime cross set up the rampaging (and probably offside) Alex 'the Beast' Petrov. 1-0 Sixes. Peter 'Pee-Da' Liu loves his girlfriend, uses contraception and respects his home state's child birth policy. Big Ron's comments about ugly Chinese women aiding the population problem must have pissed him right off. Unlike Roger Lee Huang, he chose to vent his anger about the poorly educated English by choosing an appropriate target; The scallies from the Poly across the Strand. Once again - after some sumptuous one touch play in the midfield - Peter released Petrov, who was cynically grounded by the keeper. Injured bag-lady referee Nathan 'I love Netto Tuna' Williams could only award the penalty. Normally so reliable, 01' Roasting Bawden was already celebrating when the cheers of the Poly scum went up. 1-0 it remained. Unfortunately, not for long. Emile Heskey's illegitimate man-child suddenly found himself through on goal and took the chance well. 1-1 at half-time did not reflect the balance of play. Off came Belmarsh escapee Picton and on came the man they call Caustic, who lived up to his name by giving everyone much turd, especially when they wouldn't pass to him. When they did he reaped havoc down the right, an effort matched by Brownie who slotted home a sweetly struck 25-yarder. To be fair to the Queens, they would not lie back and think of England. Shoe-polish goalie Drela tipped-over a dangerously average free-kick and the resulting comer enabled a diving headed goal from their best player. Twice now the future road sweepers had fought back, but no more. The Beast's second - a strong header from a well worked break - granted our boys a lead that we refused to relinquish. 3-2 Sixes. Strand Poly? Sod'em. aiight! Shorts , 2nd Team FootJjaii, LSE ¦ Snd' jteam footfeall, flayed on Saturday and secured-a vital 4-3 win over BOAS to ensure three points in the ULU premier one and continue to compete mid-table. Rich Nicholls opened the scoring, clocking up an impressive eight so far this season in midfield. Whilst BOAS managed to go into half-time equal 2-2 both Brummie and Sherif were more than up to the challenge, Sherif scoring his second goal of the match and seciir-ing man of the match for this week. A warning was sent out to first team Captain John McDennott that his team can not afford complacence as they continue to be pursued in the league.... Netball The Netball Seconds also managed to secure a 20 -15 win this week with Marie managing amply in an alternate position and the whole team putting in an awesome effort. Jade held more than her own in the centre and secured the dame of the game honour. LSE showed their general superiority and dominance by playing with only six; players for ten minutes and still; not hearing the swish of ball^ gcacing net at their end, they : were gracious enough to give the other team a chance but; nonetheless their lead remained; intact. The Sixth team were unlucky in a 28 - 11 loss against a GKT fourth team. Steph put in an awesome performance again earning her darae of the game. 4th ITeain FootfoidI Alex Lee's 4th team were unfortunate to lose 2-1 to Gimpenal this Wednesday at Fortress Berrylands. The single but still beautiful goal came from Mike, there were some awesome crosses coming in from the comers and Taffy played an immense game. Still it seems that this was not quite enough. Team of The Week Star of the week Sherif 'Aman' Salem- This young midfield dynamo produced a stunning display scoring two goals in the the second team's much needed 4-3 victory over SOAS last Saturday. Then again the opposition can't have been that good, Brummy also scored! Schoolboy of the week Gaz 'Pirate' Carter- No, not for banning my favourite type of music from Crash. But for claiming to be a genius, yet sponsoring a calendar on which that very word is spelled incorrectly. For future reference a calender' is 'a machine in which paper or cloth is made smooth and glossy by being pressed through rollers' -I- 01 February 2005 St Bart's Are Team of the Weak Paul'Irish Monkey' McAleavey Champagne 7ths. St Bart's Medics 3rds....------------------- .1 A tube, 2 trains and 2 buses away t t "ust like in Pro-Ev, sometimes you can't coast to victory by firing in countless lob-shots (press square and then tap R2 when the shooting gauge appears) against a hapless opponent. The Champagne Sevenths had coasted to last season's league championship in some style, with six and seven goal-dispatchings of opposition teams not xmcommon. However, in the higher league we've found ourselves in, occasionally we have to put in what Cloughie would call "Workmanlike performances" -which may not be pretty, but get the job done. Wednesday was once such game. Due to the timetabling inadequacies of South West trains, a game scheduled for a 2pm kick off eventually began around three. St Bart's Medics, no doubt high on prescription painkillers, were understandably quite pissed off at having to warm up in the cold for an hour before the Sevenths turned up. However their moods must have been lightened when they scored pos- sibly the most fortunate goal ever seen in ULU Division 3. A comer from the right was sent towards their Welsh striker, who bore an uncanny resemblance to "2-Hats" from Goldie Lookin' Chain. He had earlier threatened Nath with the line "I'U get my boyz on you", much to the laughter of those around him. Before this comer, the Sevenths defence were about as worried as the US Defence Department is at being overthrown by Liberty@LSE parading some poor sod in a jumpsuit around Houghton Street. However 2-Hats swung a knee at the ball, which looped over the bodies packing the penalty area, and with the aid of the Sun blinding keeper Nick Quin's eyes, dropped fortunately into the back of the net. Having suffered a severe spanking from an admittedly class UCL outfit the previous Saturday, the Sevenths were beginning to taste the bitter bile of defeat again. However, with Sup)erman Simba at the back, we were looking tighter than Anne Widdecombe's greasy love canal. The Medics, cheered on by possibly the ugliest two girls in London, were reduced to pimip-ing long balls up field, which the central midfield combination of Nath and Andy Street dealt with as a Walkabout boimcer deals with Geoff (who was waiting to come on as sub). Wing-backs Mikey Hales and Todd (the latter having recovered from his on-pitch vomiting exploits the previous Saturday) were attacking well up the flanks, and K-Lo, playing in a self-created bizarre defensive central midfield/attacking right winger position, was lurking dangerous- ly, like a nonce outside a playground. The pressure paid off when the Bart's keeper clattered Ross on the edge of the penalty area, and a free kick was awarded. Expertly swung in by Ed, Graeme HoUoway rose like "Dragina Est Andeh (Miya Hui Miya Hu)" (ask for it at Cmsh, you won't be disappointed) up the Romanian Top 40 to score his second goal in two games and put the Sevenths back on level terms. Like dogs on heat, the Sevenths' tails were up. Some superb "triangles" were played, and St Bart's couldn't get near the ball. The Sevenths were playing some Brazil 1970 style football and didn't want half time to come. Unfortunately, we're all unfit knaves, and our aching Umbs and burning lungs decreed otherwise. However we started the second half as we stculed the first, and a great run from Iqbai,* ¦ and a Teflon-like lay-off from'4-Ross, set our left-wiqger up wit a one on one with the. Bart' goalie. Iqbal, who later claimed he "didn't see" the goal, expertly ' poked the ball over the keeper, reminiscent of Theirry Henry when he used to be good, for his first goal for LSE. The rest of the half was spent defending resolutely, with Simba getting his head to every ball going. This is the point where I have to draw attention to the absolute 'child bom without benefit of clergy' that was up front for St Barts. Clearly this guy had been discovered by the medics languishing in a ward somewhere, possibly suffering from gigantism. He was at least six foot eight, and that was just his waist size. Not only was he huge, he was a huge mongrel. Before substitute Geoff could get a touch of the baU, he'd been feUed by a stray kick from this imbecile. He also flattened Todd, and gave me a nine inch scar down my left leg (Ed remarked the last time he'd seen a gash that nasty it was after a fling with a UCL ragby girl). When it was pointed out to the giant that what he was doing was somewhat unsporting, if not technically GBH, even one of his own team admitted "Yeah but he's a $%'^£, ain't he?" I took great pleasure from p>erforming a goal-preventing sUde tackle on him in injury time that would make even Henri Kelsen in Pro Ev 4 look like Stuart Nethereott, but was too scared to give him any crap as he was huge. And was probably "packing a piece' in his kitbag. The Sevenths go marching on.... Sicknote's Return Does NOTHING Rishi Madlani LSE 2nd XI_____________________2 ISCM 3rds Crundbling Fortress Battersea Having beaten their Gimperial coimterparts 10-0 we seemed to be expecting a stroU in the park on a frigging freezing Wednesday aftemoon against a bunch of Medics. Despite having lost last week, clearly missing sic-knote Madlani, the Super 2nds were in good spirits and expecting to get back to their winning ways at Fortress Battersea where we had been unbeaten thus far. Plans and actuality are unfor-timately often different things. With the return of Sicknote, from an incidence of blindness caused by iibermasturbation (technical medical term) we had hoped things would be tighter at the back unfortimately he and the whole defence had a bit of an away day. A rousing talk at half time from Bagpuss look-alike Emmsy led to us retaking the field Uke giants albeit it 3-1 down. Unfortunately, due to commimi- cations between Azan and Sicknote akin to those between Brown and Blair, the opposition were gifted with a goal from the Cygan school of thinking. Then our very own Prince Harry lookaUke, yeah that's you Teale, decided to go down like Rebecca Loos on a typical footballer's night out. The big ginger giant, decided to leave the poor battered defence high and dry, cind take a seat in the dugout. Fortunately, Azan was able to slip into the Prince's rather large boots and put in an assured performance from difficult circumstances. A lesser team would have let their heads drop but the LSE 2nds are a resilient bunch. The opposition were scenting blood, however, and their continuous whinging made Feigie look apathetic. Fkrgo decided to return some retribution for an unfortunate incident where our own Samwise had been almost decapitated by some fat bloke from the opposition, nice. A little bit of expansion is required as F^rgo had never played "field" hockey before this season and is very much from the "ice" hockey school of hockey. Their poor battered forward will have been feeling Kke he was hit by a bus on Thursday morning. Other moments of note include Freddie aka Priyesh having far too much lube on his hands and letting his (hockey) slip fly in a great show of hang-bag swinging petulance when he was proved too slow again, and again, and again. Emmsy scored. what a surprise, with a clever short comer and gave the whole team- the hairdryer treatment throughout. Gilo and Piers had solid games and Tricky made a few great saves; our second half performance being a lot better than our first. We have saved the best until last and it certainly was worth waiting for. With literally the last touch of the game AJ scored the most impudent goal; flicking the ball over defenders and diving keeper whilst falling over backwards. Normally, your correspondents are too slow to actually realise what has gone in o\ir matches but it was a moment of sheer poetry occurring in slow motion, letting the 2nds leave the pitch in a moment of triimiph and disbelief. The Tyrannical Reign of Paul and Louise is Over. Let a New Regime of Even Greater Tyranny Begin. •v.jj