V. I CONTENTS 1. Marginalia ,, . ... Page 2 2, Buaver's Hansard .. . , ¦ iPaa;e 2 3. The Lillo Keporl ,. Pape 2 ¦t. Controversy :— Two Arlitks on Conscrip- tion i>ago. 3 ¦' 5. ScMunn Stnilejits Today .. P.ige 3 6. Bridge Table 1 ,. .; Page 3 7. RCNHows :— Theatre (Utd Fihn Page •;!¦ 8. Devon : Soccer and Cider Pago 4 9. :NUSSS.A. Report .. :Page -l- 10. Womeu^ Hockey Clnh . • Page 4 LONDON SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS AND POLITICAL SCIENCE New Series. VOL I. No. I. Published Fortnightly—^THURSDAYi MAY 5th, 1949. Price 3d. V BERNARD SHAW GREETS BEAVER N.U.S. Bangor Congress -TOTEM AND TABOO- CHOULD boo university students in Congress have a licensed bar? This, the crucial problem of the Congress, was resolved in the accepted iuid traditional Welsh manner. Mr. Lloyd Jones, representing the Free Church Council, opposed tlie Baugor students' application, stating that ** It is alien to the traditions on which the Welsh University was founded." Yet another Free Church Council member said that he viewed the idea with " surprise and horror," and the magistrate, adjudicating in favour of tradition and dignity', refused a: licence. Yet i>crhap5 ihc nxwt inlrigmijg part of the Cow^rtss was the journey from Euston to Bangor. Standint; at the cutrancc to plaitorm No. 12 a very solemn ticket collector gravely infonn«I mc its 1 bundled iliroii^li the ^tc5 Avitb but a few seconds in. hand, " Yh.s, mr,tc. that's tlicm big schooikids' train." And the journey, nt lcaiit in my compartn\en!, proved how vco" near ihe truth he wn-i. At a i-'lancc it was aponrent we. were ' - -ntidr - .^bound tor Bangor-rraUhough no co!-tcgc insignia were vi.sible^yct there was an atmosphere of dubious hesitancy r no; one^ dare risk frank question—just :n case. . .. . Wc; sat; rIgeted.. looked out. of • ;;the. . window, preiciided to be asleep.; wc went, in fact, through the whole gamut Of tricks ai the disposal of the conventional British traveller, with-. out his casjr grace oi maturity, in a pjtcudo-diginfied.. attempt to avoid incmioninj^ the que.^tion« which ¦were racing through our mmcLs. At Col-wyn Bay, 2(X> or so miles from Lwdoa, ilic ice v/as broken. " It% raininjf," someone remarked—-and, of course, it But this conveattonal incursion into conversation ended there, and at journcv's end wc dis-I>crsed. doubtless cmfiarni-iscd by our ?^c>cial miubitions, into Bangor'? rainswept street?, " R.T.O.'* DOCUMENTATION Tlie arrangements for o«r uccom-^ : tnodaUoti were made wstij remarkable t;fndcncy. Gne was left with tlic impression tJiat l)chlnd the facade of docimjenUition and reKisiraiioii an omni^crctu prescncc, trained at ftn R.T.O, MiliUiry Sclioo), smiled l>c-;;;:«i8:Bly. On mif . arrival wc were ::::.hjwjds;. and a larj^e str«»i map of Kan^jor iwissivel)- iit-formed as of: the mo^i I'anRt/r xvh'i no wel than raiit anywhere {"be XevejUjele^". tM>«ie iht-. what ivelcome, th?? Cori* ;'r*«vs vtj. While Ihc-tv were. ts true, minor irrii; were fjrajs^Gil tari Kife^fdy, TIh' to -vhirh the X;itir'»<" The pifjiarv addrct^^rd by tlf*' ytu f -Th<' II- A. AI'il<|UJWld; • I'C,. M l'. ; .Mr J ' Mr 'jfjftij '*f ''»}j^cry:tnv«- (Vfitt.tl ft , 40'! Mr. {' K. Viu'-toi Hir ('iis/r? ><|y ' ^'Aamnsed thf* A'hjtff t'pK'ut b» t'r hi. Ctikm\ atjil Jmall/, »}iwi hi' h* fh«* jUfemf-fiW *1 wa* N/- di.scus.sion groups, in which the morning plenary subject was more thoroughly p!enar>\ at least in -one of t!ic extraneous groups meetings : indeed, it may \ycll bo a vah'd criticism ihai too peoii^fc^ were gent faiths at one and the same time. To preserve a proper balance between mentatand physical effort, the:: :Congrcssi, .relied;. upon die conven-.::tional methods D.f social intercourse. Several dances. were held; a sports progran\me wis arranged; and on Sunday eveniiig a magnificent cott-cert, in the true Welsh tradition, was provided. Sunday was indeed a full day for many. Motor trips to various pans of North Wales were arranged, winic the roore adventurous s^nrits undertook a safari to Dublin. Ihroughoirt the Congress stu-;: dents - indulged in: spontaneous,: if: sometimes embarrassing, community singing. : ^ NAOMI AND RENEE The lirjit picnarj' se.ssion, on Wednesday morning, was devoted to an e^annnation of *"J*he Student and-his National Economy." Tlte RtV Hon. H., .A.: Marciuand^ :P.C, M.P.. : who . introduced: ::.:;thK:.: subject with.. Avhat was later descrilwl as .'^tlie best talk that I -have heard in : the: three Congresses which I have attended," traced the e Ball,: Naomi Grecnburg and Hence Nathan. In reply to o«o particular ^)oint tnad,c:-by tlie h.H,K. representanvcN relat-: ing to graduate . uneniploymcnt.. Mr. .Vtar(i«anil express>efl the opinion that .student'i were inrHntnl tt» rej;ard thts» : maitcr wirh «ndae :: apprehension. "One shmild/* he >aid. the ..insl :yc;n' or after gmduation.: :-knocku)ig about the wwld' m order to gam experience." THE ITALIAN PROBLEM rif aHermn^n ses%miv^ u«ne a 5oived hafi. Tiie of Sctftire m liplatfd harmtiJK i l%»}|ii^h Studies ami ¦ the liidivulujd; ami H«cafreotlr, the h«-'«u piov«*<| t<-»» H'dMC* kwi f<»r many oi tin* Cnp^re^s -s-tu Ideftt^ and . tt«dnit*!t»dtati chuN:d iH vi>ridAi|»iiv auo-vN the dicker- nJ| «Socialism will abolish classes: Beaver should organise the seits' -G.B.S. ocuJfJMiia tSLu tui 0 . totf 1>vv ! Ayot Saint Xawtence, Welwyn. Herts. The sccoiid day of tiie Congress was primarily iiotxble for the fact thai there was no plenary session. The noniial procedure was reversed TTrfacully and group discussions were Iicld in the moniing and ihe afternoon was intended for sport. Unfortunately, all outdoor sport is at the mercy of tlie weatlier, and the Thurs-. day ,af:temQQ;^..prtisraninieJtecatne the. ':-tesr~cas®: 1 ne: IfeSR'cy pitch "waS \v.aterloggcd and: the boat race was i cancelled , because of choppy .water in the Strain It was possible, however, to hold the table tennis , tournament,...... Tlic Cultural Fonim, desigrted as an introduction to Uie following day's plenarj- session, was regrettably cancelled as the participants were unable to make the journey to Bangor. In its place the Congress organisers ini-ipro.vised a Rag Debate on-the motion .: that '^Scieutisls . are not quate nithe," a debate tliat was notable more for i-its::,farce than its^ sophistication. The plenary session on Friday was themost eagerly-awaited session of the whole Congress; "The Student .indhis National Culture " is the ideal basis for casuistry. Culture was pro-clainietl national, international,, an absolute, an ultimate, a sjmonyn> for civih'sation,_ the antithesis of civilisa: tion, and, finaUyj.: incapable of defini-::,tion, . At the end:: of this mtwi : enjoyable disaission, two inescapable : conclusions emerged : tliat the student who " ftrew;^ suspicious" of any attempted <)efini(ioii of culture did .w for very sonnd reasons; and that: the originator of the phrase " we murder to dissect" was, whether he Ja>ew it or not, a ver>".ablc prophet. ..... RENEE AGAIN During Friday afternoon the :::National Sucial Science Stitdcnts" Ai'.ociatiDn held its Annual General Mcetin^r. .-Vs this is being dealt with more fnlly by .\tisa ken«. Nathan tit .< special article, may it he sullicient that the:-ey*s plav " l.iicrctia." This was "apprently :vcry well rcccivcttt.( by. (he .*('ri>m m'"I,i t < on av.nl:itile: imt for thi^, the vionld have iwo more widely ippreeiated. Ssttird.-iy passed in mudi the sintc ni4iini'r .is the s»revit>u» ThdrMiay: the ttmniiiig (Nst'nssion gronps, " the> vom")rin fouml, the daily hivk." merrily artibted through theil allolt.-d ,.time, aod. tht! aitcciiooti.:\v,»s ;»«»»> devnsc't h> iixitt. Thit (tun- the weatJicr w.»s in mote tnwajiiw mood, artii the tettni-. tmirn-.jment wa« ,\llowetl ti« rwh (he .ewt-ftwil ^ta^e, t»niy >«»¦ aicmlier of the I S ht iledieh->1 nivi—ttiyk, i5ccen informed thai :tihe majority of the students- \vonld W leaving Bangor for Snowdonia shortly ,before lunch. Unwittingly, he retained: the full servicct and his sermon was deliver^ : to::!;an:::;ahi>ost empty .duircbr-«ome :of• the. -Ta&er. disgracefnlly, and . cert: uaiccessatift'.-leavijtg bcfureMiie lectionl !t is to be hoped that, X.U.S. Executive evpnesswt ''~t ^ :::re^tet to: the. Lord Bish^ for stadte': : urfforttmate-lnddent. ..ConiinatMl ctt Pme« -' ¦. STOP X>B£S8 Tlie Council mot£oii$ oa.-U.T.C. and the Reifcctoty will be presented to ttfe Uo tonight, Tfattreday, 5th The Union Ojandl He R«stilts — R, Moody 2&1 ijot; 1, Strong 1-13 vote F. Rtadd Ittvalid Total ^papers R, Moody and I. Stiong c thereby elected to Coaiic|.>> s Jtfc accepted the post ol * , OifitMr. W« Asonder wljy t Write for- K with their j;u>li t(«E 4 Xuotlmll, ill .-i»iy tif the jWOS3>.i5ckel)> «ff,.£ou;w!y kIcS THE SPECTATOR THE SPRCTATO'R believes tliat there ate pt«nt> of undergraduates who have a talent for writing, it is biicking its belief by devoting a j^age of its smtt e each week, to articles contributed bv ttnder-r.nluates "f any university or tmiveisity ctiliege in Great Britaitt, ^ fee of eight guiueas wilt be paid for each {)tticlo iMtblislied. WUITKRS may t.ike whatever aubjeet tbuv like — broad or narrow, pyliticat or Ktsaftr>', .-wcisd or a,ttto-biographkat. The best article received each week witt be pubHshed. Bvetj fhe sccaad-best pvjssibly uu.y be. ART ICLEvJ should be about l-lOtl wouLs in leisgtb, iit>etl not necessarily be tj-pewritton. mtd sliould be -aUilressed to; ¦ The Editor of THE SPECTATOR. 9!>, (k)vvet Street, I^oiidon, W.C-! envelopes betr^g warkt^ " t-ndergtsduaie," fw Ua.t.-fgtaJtii>3ti if^K» mfiU Itit«tf TUB . t A 1 II ,^v it iiiAicf/pripa ftti' * beaver EAVER SmOOtOFSCONQHICS «OlM^QiOM mUESt - tO!<{IOM • v.ca prfrof ^CtiOK ASSOCIAT^^^ Senes VoL I i\o. 1 S^t«r: CKAHLES R. STUjIRX F« D. StMtdlflk "VT* Ccoeavvood Moodjr Cvril £lir)irfa AlanKin^urT: PAILV H^AKST Chief Sub Ediior: «nl'(%3ni£^»cv::: ' &)jc first :^rt o£ tbfc vsntwrc has^ „ ^OJi^edexli Beaver"' lias ge.^i to print * them. In this vay tlic avemgc student • \^ll moni readily appreciate the m« i.i:.terestiqs: events which take place daily at llic L.S»E., without having" to rel> > upon inadequate and unaestlietic : poster adYerti?emcniwhich, in n;osl bcasesi -is seen: only when; the event has taken place, la short ** Beaver's " - task • 45' tc^ . prevent ^ students .from. ** Slewing too long in their se%*cril • jtnccs," as Mr. Bernard Shaw re-: tnarks on the iront page. : In order to adiieve this we propose ; ito continue the colun^n; enuilal , *' Conlrovcrjy/* to which. :..aitnough iarticles will: normally' be b>; request, anybody may cocitnbute simply by ; pointing a s^yi at the Editor, We further propose to invite Societies to 'report the more important meeting^s which tlicy hold, particularly tliosc to whicli eminent sp^kers arc in- in case, however, sve appear to t>c in danger ol taking ourselves too seriously, Jon Blot, our roving Mar-ginalist, will continue to proix secluded corners and disclose furJive desires which might otherwise cscape ' rtOtKC. "Bca%*€r" has dm^ed; Us vifacc :: i iind the ."winic, thne it liais; chimged its procedure. LeUers must now ^ reach " Beaver ** ojuce by 4.3^) p.ni. -the day after each issue if they arc intended tor publication in tlje next ^ ijy-sae, They 5hou!d be ^ht>rt and. to the ?-.'poiniv normally no letter of Over 200 \(ords will be accented, although for an icaportant subject it should be |)os^lo to reshape the contribution m the form of a special ankle. And now we're keeping our: fin.^cri> , erosscd- Eoiiti.R. •AND SO GENTLEMEN, EITHER WE SINK OUR DIFFERENCES AND STAND TOGrTHER OR THIS NEW PUBLICATION * BEAVER \ WILL PUT US ALL OUT OF BUSINESS 1 flJarjtyutalia AT THE OSTRICH Mr, Leo Pheasant, the Ostrich Club's dynamic chaimian, leaned back in his chair, puffing at a foot-long cigar, ¦ ¦' The Beaves- County Council Elections?" he said to the dense crowd of reporters. Obviously the WTiting in the sand for the Moles. For 15 years they have swindled, oppressed, underfed and undereducated the people of Beaver County. Enough is 100 much; now the Ostriches, carrj--ing the banner of democracy, free rights, enterprise:: and cheaper mansions, have won the day. We have stormed. the ^ramparts; we have routed the enemy; we have ¦' Eh? Our programme? Well— er, hrnnph. ugh, glug, tsk—of course :\ve cannot commit:::; bur- . solves in advance, but I can assure that the matSer is under the -most active- consideration. Economy, of course, is the .thing. Without economy we can do nothing. In fact. without economy, wa should be forced to throw i:p schools, hospitals, : clinics, playing fields and otlier awkward, things at tne same indiscriminate rate . as the Moles have beet! doing—and that,: Sirs, would not be British. Ecohomy and fair play—^feat's our niotto. First things fitst is our faith. " What are the firs; things?. \\®—^r—pcrha:ps you'd : better asK Sir'Hersey Paris." SHERMY RIDES AGAIN . . .::Shermy, the smooth Serb, cahr ; tered slowly into the frontier to^w^ of Biva, ; Heading for the Rue du Rideaui lie drew up his horse in front of Charlie Staines' place: Charlie, as yon know, is the local undertaker, and: Shermy's best friend and counsellor. 5je3aiS!3Hap)fflH!3HntmKHHKE3HE^ ¦ . ; ft I s ,#¦- ................. n The Review- CLARE MARKET REVIEW Your Review n Ef n ¦ n m-n n n u ti ¦ft.:, n u n n :t:r H : M E n n tt:: W..: a sHHjsnaHmuaHwwmHHHJfflH*; " How's tilings. Charlie?" asked Shermj', edging shyly round the door, "Bad, very bad," said Charlie. : " Up in the West End the Plebs: an; being exploited right and left by those Cappies from across the water. Working as regular as clockw-ork, they are, and what are tliey getting? Food and high wagc-s, that's all. No sense of proportion, some folks haven't." " Yeah, no sense of proportion, "echoed Shermy; idly kick-: ing the cat." And how arc you doing this end of town, Charlie? " he asked. " Fine, just fine," said Charlie. '' 'Coitrse we don't eat that much and lots of folks is -drifting: tip to th^" West'End—theyTJon'r-khow-no better-^but we're down to the fifteen-hour day now. and in no time at all we'll be getting a day off." "That's great," said Shemiy. '' Well, 1 '11 be getting along. .'Vnything you wunt, Ch.arlie?" he asked. " No. can't thmk of anything riglit now." said Charlie. " 'Cept I'm mnning short of cori^ses. You might bring a few in some time." " Sure thing, Charlie; anything you say. So long," said Shentiy, kaving the room on his stomach. TOBY :IN PARIS Mr, Toby Braid, L.S.E.'s mo.st eligible bachelor, has been on a svorld:. tour: for the British Sartorial Association.: His latest call has been to Paris, where he gave an address to the Chamber of Deputies on "Profiles in Politics," * Speaking in ..gorgtsjus French, Mr, Braid, said: We two countries have a great common cause;- We must slowly create ;be-tween-us a prpiid heritage, a more perfect imion: and this t;»sk nittst be:» labour, hot only:of neces-sity, but of lovt!-—a marriage of tnte minds with:but a single purpose." And the little, blonde : in the front row stood up and squeaked: " Oh :Oui, bravo; :oui,: .encore, bis,,, trop vrai, vons <5tcs:,ih« disant, oh la, la. . . ." She-was carricd otu immediately, foaming at the mouth, crj'ing; " Vive L'Entente ¦robiefine.'" Mr. Braid was :visibly iiiot'cd but managed to continue his uldress. L iter there was a spe<:iBl per-:. fonnance ai the Folies Bergire in Mr. Braid's homnir and after the interval he was- peniuaded to sit .iloue on the stit,e while the chorus sctvamed and stamped in the stalls. There were uo: casualties, Jon Blot. Bcabrr'sf 17.3.49 — 21.3.49 The meeting, which was continued on Monday evening, was one of the best tlte Uniojt has seen; what a shame that attendance was comparatively .^mall. For once we ceaseUn, Bcaic ana Mr, Grouse, suppor- ~~imTtl {Re Aipnday, when t»at^sv?OT!(r^c)t the spirit, Mr. DobesOn, led; an attack on the motion. Mr. Dobeson thinks hiijhiy of Franco, and therefore feels that when Franco executes sonicone they descr%'c it. Mr. Mar-¥ton, well known for his ; objectivity, pointed out that communists were being shot, so that when Mr. Sherman asked the union to protest on the grounds that they and the victiujs were anli-Fr^ico, lie was being dishonest. The meeting, however, agreed that conunnnists shonhl not he shot, and Mr. Siierman. who can liardiy be ac-cu.lained that he ielt verj' strongly wlien communist^J were killed, since they were struggling, acconling to Uieir lights, for the gooil of mankind, hut that he )u>5>ed that the Franco teiror \vouU> remans anathenta to the overwhelming tnaioriiy of slndents, in kcci>ing with their tine traditions of 1936-39. BACKSTAIRS PEACEMAKING Then u N-aonu-sponsorcd white dove (lew aronnd, liopijig; to bc let in, htit the majority said no. This docs not niean they arc not for peace; but it was rather short notice and many seeined svtspicious. The IVesident gave an assurance that the Coiifer-ence would be discusse' people were funioyed at the way certain i)cople draggcil up the Peace Conference on three occasions, hoping, us nnnihcrs dwindlwi, to put forward a proposal, twice rejected, which wonld have resuhetl in a delegate he» ing «^e»t to Ihe Conference from USxH. Ti^ebe backstairs methods help nobody; a. delegate clected bv about thirty votes can hardly speak for three thonsand. Many L.S.E. stndeuis certainly lack a resi>onsiiile attitude on problems of war and peacc.^ but: lh«s can he set U> rit:iu only in their prcsojce. not m their absence. : Since Lady-killer '.Len Knight was sent to tjic Conference by Molboni TnidcvS Coimcil. wliere he rcincsenls the l.^S.E. .A.Sc.VV. .Society, no one slundd renuiin: vcr>' long in suspense, Mr. CfruHse movcvl a motion con-iienming QnUcr Hde for allowitic: tlu' Mos-lcy March» inotcctn»g it, and then using the result as an excuse to bat> all politicsd processions, hnfe niHnbers by thifi titne having falletv to thc^ tttolion will have to hc iX'itt'^^ LvStE* at Lilte (and Pairis^ even Jeanne was stiiilm^ (hat grey .Friday morning: on: Victoria Stalioxj. We, the(/ovcrn*' ment Deprtrtmcnt, looker! taftrc: like a contin^ient for Dachau than a party of brigbi British studeais about to visit a foreign university. Perhaps it was the time: 7 a^m. is a beastly hour to be alive on Victoria Station. Heavy eye met heavy eye and no hearts san/i. But th«n wc lK.>arded the traiij;^ , :«jui a?f it chutTcd merrily along, a^ th'^*^ jsttn Kol vvarnjer and ;is wc were nol * entirely to be outshone hy Moosh ' jarret (who. to he sure, was in con* tinuotts x^ession), we began to talk to •; and even to snnle at each othtjrr By -Calais we were po.siliveiy hilarious and.excited. a good crossing. curious anomaly, ra^ost of us travelled P'irst. bnt^ like goochaving; and oitr first real opportunity to niakc friends. Hospitality, 'v^e thought, could go no further—and irtdcetl it could nut. Bnl it wem Just as far, if In a ^.lightly diticrenl direction, the day we went down tlie mine. Onr parly (wc split into two for the sitaire (wt»y cai\*t we have oueu-Cnudeil bv the fair hVanc^nj^c. we visited the (liatnbre dcs l.^cijutes, the Conseil d'lCtat, the (xmseil de la Kc' publifinc, and the ^ sailles. .^o came Tuesday otormtig, the gloonty I ^ih. Most of the yarty home, A few ,slaycd bcUutd, drut-iuK back across the Otatutcl oijc btie. 1 5itayertheTsE^L^^^^^^^Tin^ubnsheTo^Ma^^4^^^^^^"""""'"^^M!arch'2C^ Honorary Beaverships for nefarious members of the Union, page 6 Sir Howard's Total backdown Mark Power Executive Editor In a remarkable climb-down, the Director of LSE, Sir Howard Davies, last week announced he would not be accepting the controversial position on the board of French oil giant Total. Sir Howard announced the decision at last Thursday's meeting of the Court of Governors, the School's governing body, after the meeting was interrupted by a group of concerned students wishing to present a petition signed by 300 students. The petition asked the Director to reconsider the position in light of Total's alleged involvement in human rights abuses in Myanmar (formerly Burma) and corruption scandals which have dogged the company's subsidiary Elf Aquitaine and its involvement with the French government. The students presenting the petition were led by prominent member of the Socialist Workers Student Society, and LSE Students' Union Postgraduate Students' Officer, James Headway as well as People and Planet activist, and LSESU Environment and Ethics Officer Elect, Joel Kenrick. The presentation of the petition followed several weeks of the "Total Disgrace" campaign during which the students plastered the campus with posters and introduced last week's successful Union General Meeting motion asking Sir Howard not to accept the post because of the effect it would have upon the reputation of the School. Speaking to The Beaver, Kenrick said that he commended Sir Howard's decision. He expressed his hope "that this finally means that we can move on from the animosity that developed last year and I look forward to working with Howard Davies in a constructive manner in the future. "This was an issue of human rights and the reputation of the School and I am delighted that Howard Davies has recognised this and taken the brave move of putting the unity of the LSE first." When asked to comment on the issue, the Director issued a statement saying that he had decided to withdraw his name from consideration as a board member of Total "following consultation with a number of members. of the LSE faculty and by agreement with the company." When asked if this reflected a concern regarding some of Total's operations Sir Howard said: "I make no personal criticism of the company's investment in Burma, but I recognise that the issue is one on which there are strong feelings within the School community." He continued by saying that his "presence on the Total Board may therefore generate continued controversy which would be unfortunate for both the School and the company." The students concerned with the appointment represented a broader range of campus opinion than has previously been the case in opposing Sir Howard and his employment history. Environment and Ethics Officer Elect Joel Kenrick hands the petition to LSE Director Howard Davies and Director of Administration Adrian Hall. Observers including right-wing members of the Union opposed the appointment, and are reported to be jubilant with Sir Howard's retrenchment. Those at the Court of Governors' meeting reported that Sir Howard was visibly angered by the encounter with students, saying that if they had visited his office and made an appointment they would have been able to present the petition and hear his answer without interrupting a meeting. He described the tactic as calculated to cause him the maximum embarrassment. However, reporters from The Beaver accompanied the students on earlier attempts to visit the Director in his office and present the petition after returning at a time when his assistant had indicated he would be able to receive them. Instead, upon their return they foimd the doors to the Director's office locked in what appeared to be a deliberate attempt to block their entiy. When asked by The Beaver if he intended to take up any further non-executive board positions in lieu of the Total position, the Director refused to comment, though it is widely thought that Sir Howard will pay closer attention to the deaUngs of any future company offering him such a position. Editorial Comment, page 9 Oxford denies racism in Union Prashant Bao News Editor The Oxford Union has fervently denied allegations of racism after Ruzwana Bashir, its first British-bom Asian woman President, was nearly disqualified for a second time from a Union election on charges of electoral malpractice. Her victory in the recent elections for President of the Union was challenged by individual members who were not affiliated either to her campaign or that of her closest competitor's on the grovmds that she had contravened the Union's ban on actively soliciting votes. A tribimal made up of older, former Union members ruled, early Wednesday morning, that Bashir had not been in contravention of Union regulations after some 20 hours of debate and deliberation with regard to whether or not Bashir was in the wrong, as well as whether or not any members of the Union had engaged in racism or "dirty tricks". Continued, page 2 News The Beaver 16 March 2004 OU Executive rebuke racist allegations Continued from page 1 When contacted by The Beaver for comment, current Oxford Union President Edward Tomlinson refuted all allegations of any racism amongst the upper echelons within the Union, pointing to the fact that Bashir had been found not guilty of malpractice as evidence of this. The "evidence" of electoral malpractice on Bashir's part was presented by second runner-up Matthew Richardson who had video footage of both Bashir and runner-up James Forsyth, the Union's librarian, who Bashir beat by one vote, actively soliciting votes. At first, however, only Bashir was charged. When questioned as to this apparent impropriety, Tomlinson commented; "there was video evidence against the runner-up, and he was charged of malpractice and subsequently found guilty - the evidence against James was much stronger than the evidence against Ruzwana." "Furthermore, the complaint [against Bashir] was frivolous - the person who brought the complaint to the Union has been suspended for one term." Bashir was disqualified in elections for President in Michaelmas term last year, after she had handily beaten fellow candidate Georgina Costa by a margin of nearly 200 votes. She was accused by one of Costa's supporters of writing comments on one of Costa's electoral posters - a relatively minor offence, but one that led to the first overturned election in the 180-year history of the Oxford Union. The offence was labelled by a former President as "disgraceful" and "a stitch-up". After her victory in the most recent elections was questioned, friends told The Times newspaper that, "They've knifed her in the back once and now they're trying to knife her again." "They feel uncomfortable because she's a Muslim, so she doesn't drink alcohol and she's not promiscuous." "There have even been snide comments about her wearing the hijab at school and not knowing aU the words of the National Anthem." Bashir told The Times that, while the experience was trying, she holds no grudges: "I've been exonerated, found completely not guilty, which is all that matters. I'm hugely happy because, obviously, it's been stressful." The Oxford Union has an alumni list that rivals many full-fledged vmiversities, including former British Prime Ministers Edward Heath, Harold Macmillan and WiUiam Gladstone. Bashir, who is the first Asian woman to hold the post of President within the Oxford Union since former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto held it in 1977, will take up her position in Michaelmas term, 2004 Oxford union President at last; Ruzwana Bashir. As seen on TV: Winston discusses ethics and science Robert Winston stands with his nephew, XiSE student Eliot Pollak and Jewish Society Chair Angela Tishbi. / Photo: Chris Heathcote Elaine Londesborough Professor Lord Robert Winston, leading fertility expert and BBC presenter, spoke at the LSE last Tuesday in an event arranged by the Jewish Society. The theme of the speech was the issue of how ethics fit into science and the intersection of religion and science. Lord Winston began his talk by claiming that "the distrust of technology prevalent in our society is a big issue", applying this to nuclear power, BSE, the MMR jab, stem cell biolo^ and the Genetically Modified crop issue. On the issue of GM, Winston criticised Prince Charles for his opposition to GM, claiming that he has "rafluence over the press without recourse to the data or evidence". He also felt that as a third of the world's population lives on a starvation diet, we need to look in to how GM crops could help. On climate change. Lord Winston said that "it is scandalous that we still doubt global wanning" and that "we are in a critical position". He also denounced Bush for not signing the Kyoto agreement. Most of the discourse revolved around fertility, as much of Lord Winston's professional life has been devoted to his work with genetics. He said "women are penalised by their biology" within society and that by the age of 40 there is a 1/3 chance of a woman being infertile. When talking about ethics and science, Winston said "our ethics can only be as good as our understanding of the natural world". He feels that selection of foetuses, if it avoids hereditary disease, is ethical and that the idea of "designer babies" has been blown out of proportion by the media. However, he also said that "genetic modification is not ethically acceptable if it is unpredictable". He also made the case for research on animals, claiming that IVF drug testing on mice has shown us some very important effects of the treatment, such as that abnormalities in babies increases with the dose. Lord Winston is best known for his BBC television series. The Himian Body, The Secret Life of Twins and Superhuman. He is also world renowned for his work with fertility, heading the Department of Reproductive Medicine and the Hammersmith Hospital in London and as a Professor of Fertility Studies at the Imperial College School of Medicine, University of London. Imperial Rector calls for fewer university students James Upsher Sir Richard Sykes, Rector of Imperial College London has called for the scrapping of the current 50 per cent participation target for higher education and the refocus of Government resources on "world class" institutions. Speaking to the Financial Times newspaper, Sir Richard condemned the "bums on seats" attitude to university that was responsible for "imbelievable stresses" on institutions. The government maintains a target of 50 per cent of all young people to enter higher education, a policy that the Conservative party has promised to over-txim. A spokesperson from Imperial told The Beaver that the University believes the 50 per cent target to be "an arbitrary figure that cannot be afforded imder government higher education fimding allowances." Sir Richard has also criticised the distribution of fimding under the current sys- tem. He claims that "third rate institutions" receive too much money, suggesting that funds need to be diverted to top class universities to maintain their world standing. He suggested that "a maths student coming to Imperial College get less than the maths student going to Luton. Is that the way the economy should be spending its money? Because a penny spent here is a hell of a lot better than a penny spent at Luton." However, it seems Sykes may not have done his research properly. Professor Les Ebdon, Vice-Chancellor of Luton University told the BBC, "It's an absolutely extraordinary comment to make, not least because we don't do a maths degree." Professor Ebdon said that Luton had a "different mission" to Imperial, focusing on excellent teaching, rather than international reputation. Luton was ranked 14th for teaching quality in a survey by the higher education watchdog, the Quality Assurance Agency. Sir Richard, who earns approximately £1 million a year from salaries and pensions, has been an outspoken critic of the Government's higher education policy. The spokesperson told The Beaver that although Imperial supports the Higher Education Bill and will introduce the full £3,000 top up fee in 2006, the University regards this as too low. "A more sensible cap on tuition fees would be £5,000. Since this would address our immediate shortfall and start to create a proper market in higher education. £3,000 is too low to do that." Imperial has also committed to using this additional income to provide scholarships of £4,000 for less well off students. Though an influential figure, it remains to be seen if Sir Richard's comments will have an effect on future Govertmient policy. He is certainly not the only eminent figure to question the limit of £3,000 for top-up fees or the desire to send 50 per cent of people to university. LSE Director Sir Howard Davies has Imperial College London Rector, Sir Richard Sykes wants higher fees and fewer students. been a vocal supporter of top-up fees, but so far the School has not decided what it will do when they are introduced in 2006, nor has it commented on the 50 per cent target. The Beaver 16 March 2004 News Library to open 24 hours next term Sam Jones The Library is to operate a 24-hour opening policy for a trial period during the summer term. The scheme was announced by Elliot Simmons, LSESU General Secretary, at Thursday's UGM. Beginning on Monday 3rd May, it will run until 25th June, in a bid to coincide with the examination period. Assessing the eight week trial will be a working party comprising Library staff, IT Services, Estates, security staff and the LSESU General Secretary. If successful, it may pave the way for a more permanent 24-hour arrangement at the Library. Currently the Library closes at 11pm during the week and 8pm at weekends, but under the proposals, will remain open throughout the night on a reference only basis from 11pm onwards. Self-issue and return machines will be available, as will the copy shop and computer facilities. However, it will be staffed only by security staff. The Library administration conceded that there would be little likelihood of a staffed 24-hour libraiy service in the foreseeable future because of the "prohibitive costs" of running such a scheme. At the moment planning remains in its early stages. The working party has yet to decide how the scheme will be monitored or assessed, before making its recommendations to the Library and Information Services Committee. The School remained unwilling to commit to any definite plan of action in the future, stating that the success of the scheme would "influence" future strategy From May 3rd until 25th June the Library will be open for 24 hours a day, though it is unlikely to be this busy. and funding considerations. In a press release, Simmons commented that he was "very pleased that a 24 hour opening will be piloted for LSE students this year", following what he described as a "very successful campaign by the Students' Union." Indeed the announcement was greeted with cheers at Thursday's UGM and comes as welcome news to those who have long lobbied the School for 24-hour library access. Over one thousand students responded to a LSESU survey conducted earlier this term to gauge interest in the possibility of an all night library service. The success of the campaign, however, appears to fly in the face of recent criticisms levelled against the SU Executive for an apparent lack of concern over campus and student issues. Simmons added that it was important that students participated in the trial scheme. He urged students to make use of the new service lest it be dropped through lack of interest. Further details are to be disclosed in the summer term. Union votes at UGM to''Go Green // Natalie Vassilouthis Amidst a meeting of limited controversy in last week's UGM, Business motion 3, proposed by Patrick Sherlock and seconded by newly elected Environment and Ethics Officer Joel Kenrick raised somewhat of an outcry from a limited amount of members of the union. I Arguing that universities, accounting for "9% of all office space, consuming £200 million worth of energy" the 'Go Green' motion resolved to mandate the General Secretary to "meet with Howard Davies and other senior management to convey a need for their active public support" in matters such as a permanent, full-time, environmental management staff, as well as an investigation of the effects of the LSE on the envirorunent, hopefully resulting in a more direct and effective environmental policy. Patrick Sherlock began the proposal of the motion with a succinct speech regarding the benefits of environmental awareness and their relevance to LSE. He was met with seemingly staunch resistance from the first speech against, delivered by Chris Pope, whose argument denounced the significance of new environmental policy at the LSE, based on the claim that the university, being located in a city, is not a direct threat to the environment when compared to the danger posed to rural areas. Pope's speech arrived at the conclusion that city-targeted environmental conservation is not as significant as the protection of the countryside. The response of the second speech from the proposing side made it clear that environmental conservation is important regardless of where it is directed, seeing as how effects such as global warming are generated by urban areas and affect both city and countryside alike. The second speech, made by Beaver blink Editor Matthew Sinclair, somewhat altered Pope's original disagreements. Sinclair asserted that the motion was not entirely beneficial, not because of flaws in environmental awareness as such, but because such a large-scale commitment of full-time staff would only exacerbate the problem (since an increase in employees traveling to the LSE would contribute to pollution), and would instead, more significantly, increase the amount of funding necessary. This line of argument was met by Sherlock, who insisted that the motion was not about more funding and greater payrolls, but simply a redistribution of responsibility in order to make environmental policies applicable to the LSE with more ease. Following the longest-lasting debate of the meeting, a move to vote resulted in the Union "going green" with overwhelming fervour. As far as Kenrick was concerned, "student support is vital for the success of the university environmental policy" and thus "passing this motion is the first step to developing a properly integrated and meaningful policy for the union and for LSE". Newly elected Environment and Ethics Officer, Joel Kenrick, though a first-time UGM speaker was successful with his 'Go-Green' motion. Union Jack • ¦ "<|orty-five minutes was enough to ' H complete business at the last real UGM of the year; Jack doesn't bother with those summer term sheiianigans. The sabbs had little to" report with Baker still crawling his way to the Old Theatre and the Righteous; Sister no doubt taking another step ^ towards mhonisation (sadly not^involv-^j ing any gunpowder) in India, though Kibble still managed a 'witty' sound- -bite and scarecrow Simmons said something or other. Macfarlane did the: now customary post-election bit, Jack hopes his reign will be more memorable -: than that of, er, whatshisname. Politics is a fickle business. You could be riding high in February, shot down in March...well something like that. And it's no different for UGM ^ chairs, only a week after electoral triumph; K'vS charm couldn't win him any: support for his Columbia bar dream., £400,000 on renovations say LSE, but K's imported labour could do it for 50 g's no problem. Pay him in cash and a he'll probably forget about the VAT as well.You'd be forgiven for thinking this i: was K's first UGM as chair. 19 weeks on stage and he still hasn't quite got the .: hang of it. Jack hopes he'll learn a little faster when it comes to sabbatical: office next year. Reviews are all the fashion at this time of year (constitutional ones being no exception), so Jack feels he might as ::well join in. There were few motions of note this year, and the quality of the comedy: efforts hit an all time low. WM16 • the scarecrow sat on the fence, Dan set aboxit breaking down barriers, or was that Omar? But ICibble was the star of the:-show; from rapturous applause in October to election defeat in March, Uncle Joe and his groupies have, kept:: Jack entertained throughout. Whether:f he's .sending anonyihous emails or threatening Schwartz with censure. Kibble::: sprays what he irieans at vallr,: timesv ! Jack's; best UGM newcomer is Louis Haynes: A more sickeningly upper-class accent is difficult to find at LSE, even : more so one which pirepared to suffer ridicule on the Old Theatrel stage. Script Editor Adam Quirm's question reminding Kibble of the need to tell the trutK when being questioned about anonymous emails also has a special place in Jack's memory, so too the AU's stop Kibble posters. The left were as active as ever, com-: : plaining about the AU's dining preferences, infiltrating the balcony, even Camp Spurrell was occupied by the unwashed elem^ents. Paper throwing and the budget were the ultimate left v AU: contests; with Spurrell, PVeedman and Badger Boy Sinclair providing the opposition at other times. Jack can't recall a year so dommat-ed by the bumblings of a few characters. There was a time when the Unipn's landscape was full of controversy and action, when Jack actually had something to write about. 500 words on how no one opposed Whispering Sian Errington's latest motion isn't :the stir-:; ring material for which Jack is renowned. But he can but try, perhaps Inextyear... ¦:: ......Tjm Beaver 16 March 2004 "'4___News_ Oxford copies LSE to raise cash Nastaran Tavakoli-Far_ Oxford University has announced plans to cut the number of home students for undergraduate courses in an attempt to tackle the institution's funding crisis by boosting numbers of overseas students as well as postgraduate students. The imiversity intends to decrease the number of home students for undergraduate courses by 1% per year to make way for overseas students. Furthermore, the number of postgraduates will increase 2% of the student population will see postgraduate nimibers equalling that of undergraduates by 2016. The university is currently able to charge overseas imdergraduate and postgraduate students the full cost of their course which ranges from between £8,170 to £20,000 per year as well as annual college fees of around £4,000. British postgraduates pay up to £2,940. According to a spokeswoman, the university is losing £2,600 annually on each home and EU undergraduate (who are charged the same fees as students from Britain) and that this loss wUl only be Foundation for the future: LGBT week Mark Power Executive Editor_ The LSE Students' Union Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered (LGBT) Students' Officer, Simon Bottomley put a brave face on last week's LGBT Awareness Week despite an obvious lack of interest in the week's events. Speaking to The Beaver, Bottomley acknowledged that some aspects of the week could have been planned better, however, he explained that the illness that had led to his resignation as Chair of the LGBT Society had meant that he was forced to reschedule to Week 9, as opposed to the plaimed Week 3 of the Lent term. The events for the week included the twice a term Mind the Gap party night held in the Underground Bar on Monday evening, as well as video nights and an awareness debate. In reference to the debate, which only drew four participants, Bottomley said that "many of the events next year will be able to be replicated next year with more success, the format was good." Bottomley reiterated that the week had provided a good basis for success next year as well as including a greater and successful contribution by female members of the society who have become more active over the past term, establishing a regular discussion forum and a film night for the week. The Beaver understands that Bottomley and the other representation officers of the Union are working towards the creation of a University of London Union style 'free to be me' week next year to help make the week's better attended and achieve coherence with the Union's equaUty campaigns. reduced to £700 per student annually with the introduction of top-up fees. At the moment only 10% of Oxford's 11,000 undergraduates are from overseas. With these proposals between 500 to 600 fewer home students will be admitted to the university by 2009. The university has justified these plans by saying that this will be the only way to decrease widening the gap between British and American universities and hence to retain top staff and recruit the best students. The Oxford University Press Officer told The Beaver: "The internal consultation document referred to in the Times is deliberately not prescriptive to encourage open debate among those affected by the issues covered. The only thing which has been agreed is an expansion of the overall student body by 1.9 percent for one year -mainly postgraduate students. This decision is based not just financial considerations as some suggest... [also because] the expansion of first-degree study in the UK is likely to lead to a growth in the demand for differentiation by further study, at least to Master's level." Of course, the LSE has been doing this Jai Shah and Stacy-Marie Ishmael_ On the 8th of March, International Women's Day, Baroness Helena Kennedy QC, came to the LSE to speak on the topic "Human Rights for Women: Liberation of Mere Rhetoric?" Speaking to an appreciative audience. Baroness Kennedy began by highlighting the lack of progress in the protection of women's rights throughout the world. She used the examples of the trafficking of women for both sexual and domestic purposes, and noted that in spite of the US President George W. Bush's rhetoric about improving the condition of women in Iraq and Afghanistan, little has been achieved to this end. She mentioned the continued prevalence of the appalling practice of female genital mutilation on the African continent, as well as 'honour killings' and wife burning in South Asia. Baroness Kennedy was disturbed by the fact that while so-called 'progressive' (in the arena of human rights) countries such as Britain ought to be setting an example for other nations with less impressive records, the contrary is true. Instead, what we are seeing is the end of "embedded liberalism." Indeed, Home Secretary David Blunkett's recent rhetoric and policies serve to undermine judicial independence and subvert fundamental freedoms such as the presumption of innocence and the right to appeal. This was decried by the Baroness as C&S Results Vladimir Unkovski-Korica Mark Power Jimmy Tarn ElBarham Louis Haynes James Eyton Anna Protano-Biggs for years. According to the LSE Press Office, just 51% of LSE's total student population of 8,000 are home or EU students (the percentage being slightly higher, 61%, for undergraduates, of which 8% are from the EU). It is assumed that numbers on existing courses will remain more or less the same for the next 5 years and then grow to about 8,500 by 2011-12 due to the introduction of new courses. It has not been specified whether there are plans to admit a larger proportion of overseas students. Overseas undergraduates at the LSE pay around £10,000 annually, this being the reason for the School's ability to afford to hire world class staff. Howard Davies has said to The Economist "This is the only way we can compete with American academic salaries". Students at Oxford University are however displeased with the proposals saying that they undermine the university's attempts to attract students from state schools and contradicts Oxford's strategy to widen participation. "the pretension that we need a New Legal Order" in the aftermath of September 11, a position which she forcefully challenged. In response to a question posed by a member of the audience regarding whether human rights should be contingent upon the values of the community to which one belongs, the Baroness replied she "did not believe in cultural relativism." Human rights are, or should be, universally applicable. More importantly, and relating directly to the theme of the lecture. Baroness Kennedy emphasises that while the protection of women was extremely important, 'justice for women' must not be used as a pretext for the gradual erosion of the rights of all. Baroness Helena Kennedy QC: lawyer first, woman second? LSE gets funding Jess Brammar and Joanna Clarke_ The Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE) announced last week that next year's funding for LSE is up 3% on last year. The grant of £22.5 million is an increase of 3.9% on this year's grant of £21.6 million. This figure was more than expected and is 6.4% higher than the figure used in LSE's financial forecasts for the year ahead. Speaking to The Beaver, Andy Farrell, LSE's Director of Finance and Facilities, described the rise in funding as "good news". However, he stressed that the HEFCE funding represents a "piece of a jigsaw", making up just 20% of the full LSE income. He said that 80% of the university's income comes from student fees, research grants, catering and residential services, and endowments. He mentioned the effect that this year's increase in EU membership would have on the income from student fees. In the academic year 2002/2003, fees for overseas students (non-EU) were £9,859 per student per year, compared with £1,100 for EU and UK students. However, Mr Farrell said that this was not expected to have a huge effect on figures as LSE has a relatively small number of students from the new EU member states. Non-EU students currently make up 44% of the approximately 8,000-strong student population of LSE, and this is not expected to reduce significantly. Mr Farrell told The Beaver that next year would see a 6% rise in costs for LSE. This is partly due, he said, to an 8% rise in staff costs, caused both by wage rises and by the need to recruit more staff due to increasing student numbers through 2002/2003. A further 11 classrooms wiU be needed to deal with overcrowding. He also outlined other significant costs, stating that next year will see further implementation of LSE's Disability Discrimination Adaptation project. LSE investment in the project, said Mr Farrell, amounted to more than twice the HEFCE funding allocated to it. Spending on bursaries and scholarships is set to rise by 16% next year, from £6.3 million to £7.3 million. Asked how LSE planned to spend the extra money, Mr P^rrell emphasised the importance of seeing the funding within the context of the whole LSE budget. All funding to the university is first reviewed by the Finance and General Purposes Committee. Once the money has been allocated to different sections of the school budget, the Academic Planning and Resources Committee then decide where the money will be spent, based on bids from various departments and sections of the school including the library and the Students' Union. Mr Farrell stated that, in light of rising costs, next year would actually see a reduction in the surplus of the university's budget, from £3 million this year to an expected £2 million for 2004/2005. ¦ Therefore, whilst he said he was pleased at the increase in funding, he stressed that "it doesn't really help ease financial pressure". LSE, he said, is currently in a comfortable financial position, but it is "getting tighter". Womyn's liberation? Debate rages on " Beaver 16 March 2004 News 5 m Tempers flare at People & Planet AlykhanVelshi and Anthony Gilliland Last Thiirsday, the LSESU People & Planet Society hosted a lively debate on climate exchange entitled 'Is Kyoto the answer?'. The panel included Ken^a Okonski, Director of the Sustainable Development Project at the International Policy Network, journalist and traveller Mark Lynas, environmentalist Mayer HiUman and climate specialist Dr. Saleemul Huq. The lecture led to heated exchanges between climate sceptics and advocates of climate change, planted questions from the audiences and accusations of lying, corporate allegiances and even commimism. Whilst all speakers gave a ten-minute presentation, the remarks of Mayer HUlman and Kendra Okonski received the greatest reaction from the audience. Hillman argued that climate change Mayer Hillman. was "the most serious contemporary public policy issue" and bemoaned the fact that most individuals were unwilling to accept drastic solutions. She even claimed that "democracy was an obstacle to the fight against global warming." Okonski, whilst acknowledging the seriousness of climate change, was unwilling to accept the drastic solutions proposed by the other panel members, which she claimed "would be disastrous for the developing world, while offering little in the way of environmental benefit" She argued for a more measured response to address global warming. Lynas spent most of his ten minutes offering personal anecdotes as a means of depicting the severity of global warming; "standing knee deep in the waters of Tuvalu", "observing flooding in Alaska", and "feeling the blowing sands in the Middle East." Huq proffered empirical evidence of the natiu:e of climate change, and argued that it was a particularly pressing issue. On the substantive issues discussed, both sides rejected the Kyoto Protocol. Okonski and Huq felt that Kyoto would do little to address climate change whilst creating the false impression that global warming is being addressed. Lyman and Hillman rejected Kyoto for "not going far enough." Most of the controversy, however, occurred during the question and answer session afterwards. Lynas, who achieved notoriety when he threw a pie in the face of Bjom Lomborg, author of the acclaimed Skeptical Environmentalist, at an Oxford book shop, accused Okonski of being "in the pocket of a corporate agenda." It was claimed that Kendra's organisation is the UK Branch of Competitive Enterprise Institute (CEI) that receives millions of pounds form Exxon in funding. Okonski, however, was adamant that her research was disinterested, noting that she "earns less than the average LSE student in their first year of work." Hillman also charged Okonski with being a climate change sceptic, to which she replied: "I believe that climate change is occurring; I just deny the efficacy of some of the moronic solutions proposed today, such as Mayer Hillman's views on air travel" Hillman indicated he opposed all air travel due to the pollution emitted by aircraft. HUlman and Lyman both felt that global warming should be addressed at the supranational level, due to the failure of the governments of developed states to address it at the national level. When questioned, Hillman even said he would support the limiting of democracy in some states, if it brought about an improvement to the environment. Whilst the debate was heated - occasionally verging on personal attacks - the panel shared a certain outlook: climate change is a problem that needs to be addressed, and Kyoto is not the most effective way of doing so. Green light for university discrimination Nazir Hussain A report commissioned by the government to look into university admissions is expected to propose that institutions be given the right to introduce positive discrimination towards students from less privileged backgroimds, according to The Times newspaper. The review of admissions, headed by Steven Schwartz, Vice-Chancellor of Brunei University, was ordered by the Education Secretary Charles Clarke last year amidst the disclosure that departments within the University of Bristol operated a policy of positive discrimination. This was an attempt to rectify its poor record where only 11 percent of the students it admitted last year came from working class backgrounds. Many US universities adopt an official policy of positive discrimination, but the US supreme court last year ruled against the University of Michigan when it tried automatically to give extra weight to applications from black students. The Times reported that the review team is opposed to the policies operated by Bristol, and that decisions should be made on a case by case basis. In an interview with The Guardian newspaper last month, Schwartz said that "We don't mind you looking at a particular person and making a judgment, but to treat everyone as a class and say everyone who goes to a state school is disadvantaged is probably going to lead to more unfairness than it's going to actually correct." Lawyers for Birmingham University told The Times that the "access" scheme it operates of allowing tutors to make offers up to two grades lower than normal, is justified "as being a reasonable and proportionate means of meeting the legitimate aim of improving access to the university for members of disadvantaged or under-represented groups". LSE's record on widening access appears relatively favourable compared to other elite institutions like Oxford and Bristol. Sixteen per cent of students admit- Steven Schwartz is expected to approve positive discrimination in university admissions. Sewage in bedrooms, no running water -accomodation company slammed again Simon Chignell Fears for students looking for housing for the first time in London have been raised after it emerged that students at the University of Bristol had run into problems with the same company that left around 200 students in Liverpool homeless when their accomodation was flooded with raw sewage. The group of postgraduates who live at the Unite-built Chantry Court residence were moved to protest against Unite after having to go for three days without running water. They also said that living in the residence was a "constant nightmare" with bad plumbing leading to the floors shaking when using the taps, as weU as "deafening-ly noise" and leaky pipes. All this follows from last year when Unite were roundly criticised at John Moores University in Liverpool, for housing 200 students in poor accomodation, with faiilts including raw sewage running into rooms. In response to this Rishi Madlani, LSESU Residences Officer, has urged students to be careful when finding accomodation. "Supposedly reputable companies in for a quick buck aren't always what they seem; I would urge all students seeking housing for next year to use the LSE or LSE hosts Asia Forum ^ in Thailand On 17-18 March 2004. LSE will host its] first Asia Bbrum in Bangkok, Thailand.' The event is the first in a series taking; place in Asia, with the aim of ensuiing; LSE enhances its academic profile and connections. According to Howard: Davies, 'Asia is critical for the develop-' ment of the world economy, and we; believe the School has an important rolej to play in providing a forum to biiHg together high-level thinkers, opinion, leaders and policy makers to discuss the big issues facing Asia,' ted to LSE last year come from working class backgrounds. According to LSE's press office, The School does not operate any policy of positive discrimination it "would have to consider very hard how far it would fair to students, taking all matters into account." University of London accomodation offices." Meanwhile in LSE residences, Aramark has come under renewed pressure to improve the service it offers in Bankside, Carr-Saunders and Rosebery after attempting to renegotiate the £4 million catering contract that it bought in 2002. Alexa Sharpies, President of the Carr-Saunders Hall Committee lamented the effect that Aramark's introduction has had socially in the hall: "The dining room used to be the social focal point in hall. You were upstairs at 6.30pm without fail, queues were long and seating highly sought after." AUT propose boycott of Nottingham Nottingham University faces the possibility of a global boycott by academics from' around the world, follovring attempts to move away from national pay scales for academic staff. The University had wanted to offer one-off bonuses including gift vouchers for Marks & Spencer, but AUT members as well as members of sister ; associations, have been encouraged to sever links with Nottingham by refraining from making job applications or attending conferences there. Nottingham follows Imperial College in moving away from the national pay scale in a bid to attract more top academics. Adrian Li Advisor says students can't write essays Mike Tomlmson, a government advisor,, has said that today's students "carmot cope with writing about one line at the top of the page". He went on to suggest that GCSE and A-level exams "spoon--fed" answers to students by outlining' what should be contained in the answ^, and that this left students imable to deal-with university essay topics. Mr, Tomlinson advocated compulsory dissertation-style thesis for A-level students and a key skills course. Joseph Jacob, a lecturer in the LSE law department, told The Beaver thaf'students are as good and as bad at writing essays as they ever were." Jess Brammar Ivy League to set up campuses in UK? American Ivy League universities will have established UK campiises within 10 years with the arm of creaming off the best British students, according to leading academics writing in the Independent newspaper. The colleges, would not be^ boimd by British government legislation| and could charge the full cost of fees,; allowing them to offer generous scholar-; ships to students and attract the best lecturers. The nximber of British students on undeip*aduate courses in the US has increased 20 per cent to 5,000 in the past six years, illustrating the apparent demand for American Education. OwenCougfdt ...................................................................... 6 Comment and Analysis The Beaver 16 March 2004 Honorary Beaverships Waterstone's - This faceless corporate monolith attracted the ire of The Beaver for its poor student value and subsequent attempts to bully the paper into retracting its criticisms of it. Waterstone's PR manager's accusation -"you're just not any good at what you do are you?" was unlikely to curry any favour in this office. Jewish Chronicle - The Beaver was somewhat astonished to receive an email from the chronicle asking for an interview. It turned out they were investigating claims that The Beaver had been deliberately sabotaging pro-Israeli articles by amongst other things, our headline 'Bulldozing down misconceptions' and using a picture of Ariel Sharon that showed him giving a Nazi salute (as if this were our fault). Despite The Beaver's strenuous denials, they published the accusations. Uncle Jo Kibble - Where do we start? He doesn't read The Beaver, as The Guardian apparently has better coverage of student issues. Unfortunately for him. Kibble's rhetoric doesn't stand up to reason, as he (mis)used Beaver quotations on his election literature, and wrote a brilliant and tremendously witty letter under an anagram of Peter Bellini, to the beaver, extolling the virtues of his good self. HBH Sister Rowan Harvey - Champion of the downtrodden and the oppressed, the righteous sister takes no time off when it comes to helping students through the toughest periods of the year. Despite her hard work, there's always time for a bit of censorship, and reading time on Tuesday mornings. Beyzade M. Beyzade - So good they named him twice...Beyzade the Baljit memorial award for spurious complaints and flimsy legal evidence. Look out for him toting copies of the European Convention on Human Rights (one of it's less well known references to the Student Unions' notorious breaches of Human Rights. K Faizullaev - Communications Officer elect and famous for his revisionism of the Union Constitution. The Beaver is sure that this hallowed bible is close to K's nightstand, and that his ad-hoc re-interpretations of the all important rules regarding member's seating arrangements. Cllr. Peach Bellendi - Peter's tiresome efforts to obstruct and delay the progressive forces of constitutional review wasted so much of our valuable time during the last Simmier term. There is a bright side, he's graduating so we will be free of his lengthly budgetary soliloquys, so Belleni's at the Savoy all round, good luck Grimsby. Charles Clarke - Unlike Simmons he's,given us plenty of news, however, this forefront of the anti-progressive forces is sure to feature highly on Uncle Jo's post-revolutionary hit list. HONORARY I uJH AT us . David lymms - Head of Residential Services, was given special thanks last year for all the news he created. This year lymms has maintained a surprisingly low-profile, could this be anything to do with the fact that The Beaver last year reported the impending demise of the good Rev. "lymms's Passfield privatisation plans, much to his strenuous denial, and the fact that Passfield appears to be stiU open for unprivatised business. The SU Burglars - Thieving scumbags, and we're not talking about the post-room! Or are we? No, seriously we're talking about the bastards who ram-raided The Beaver's door and made off with our swanky new flat-screens! Rumour has it, it was an inside job, and if we ever catch you, you should watch out for your own insides, especially if you are one of the other 19 on the list. Bemie Taffs - This award goes to our hard-working Inspector Clueso, call-sign Viper, who values the crime-prevention of CCTV, and the need to guard broken doors against maverick thieves as they try to make off with the property of those pesky students. Dessislava Popova - This kind hearted and strong willed young lady has her own very special ideas on journalistic good practice. Despite her valiant attempts to have her picture in the news for her great acts of benevolence, she failed to make a charitable impression on The Beaver team as she stormed the peaceful inner-sanctum of E204. Alexandra Vincenti - Another mourner whose face was sadly blacked out due to a sub-editor's airbrushing error. This shady character was another complainant of unfair pictoral policy, but looking at her picture, would you buy a used car from this woman? James Madway - Is mad. Has accused The Beaver of being terribly biased and friendly towards the Director; undermining his campaign to have members of the LSESU only speak in a gibberish of campaign slogans and only to revolutionaries who change their middle names to Che. Danish Dave Willumsen - Full marks for effort Danish Dave made a lasting impression on The Beaver office by purloining the use of our computers for a variety of exciting and stimulating internet games. Safe to say that any mention of a Danish presence on the corridor of power prompts a swift slamming of the door. Ali Velshi - Ali's noxious persistence has resulted in his miraculous acquisition of a weekly column. Beaver staff were hesitant to give this Jeremy Clarkson wannabe more column inches than his already insanely drivelous letters, however, the column has proved to be undoing when he lost in an election to a candidate who didn't even bother to run a campaign or turn up to hustings. Paul MacAleavey - This new recruit to The Beaver team was parachuted in from the fiery streets of Belfast, he spoke of the need for a recalcitrant and inoffensive editorial policy for Beaver Sports in his hustings speech. However the very same contrite wee gaelic chappy was the instigator of an on-line petition to prevent the curbing of the excessively offensive Gareth Carter-fuck. Elliot Simmons - Harry Potter look-alike Gen-Sec has singularly failed to generate any sort of controversy or annoy any faction on campus. It is for this reason that we wonder if streak of piss has actually done anjfthing? He's certainly irritated us for sitting on every damn fence/wall in this Union. Sir Nicholas Stoker - There are 1,282 reasons why Saint Nick gets this award, but we're only going to mention one. Back in the day when he was a member of both media outlets an annual football competition was set up between Beaver and PuLSE, we will now reveal the true prize of the Stoker Cup - loser gets Stoker. Across 7 Mascot is 600 today. (6) 8 Soil back after man is divine. (6) 9 Smear Band? (4) 10 If pirate organises, we'll have a drink to appetise. (8) 11 Troubled, he hates to enclose. (7) 13 East Ashley hides secret store. (5) 14 Three-seater and two armchairs sounds sugar-coated. (5) 15 Ass! sign changed to attribute. (7) 18 Never after we heard Eva, initially. Anytime. (8) 19 Mike's first on Noah's vessel to blemish. (4) 21 Watch maker has impression in stone. (6) 22 Oscar knows of this man's importance, I hear. (6) Down 1 Skin sounds like bells. (4) 2 Confused, I vote. Rashness causes excessive hurry. (13) 3 Brian, firstly, used earth for respiration. (6) 4 Wool characterises one who follows. (5) 5 I, slimmest loon, perhaps, am Gen Sec. (6,7) 6 Bird child has room to dine at LSE. (8) 12,16 Campus is a perilous southern ghetto. (8,6) 17 You in love? prepare a small egg. (5) 20 Eros is confused by token of affection. (4) The Beaver 16 March 2004 Comment and Analysis 7 From strength to strength In a year which saw much controversy for The Beaver, Mark Power reflects on the trials and tribulations the paper has endured. Reviewing the year that was. Over the course of this year, The Beaver has made great strides in improving its content, look and professionalism: improvements the team can be justifiably proud of. I am particularly privileged to have led, and been a member of a team that has strove, above all, to uphold increasingly higher standards of professionalism and quality, wrhilst retaining the essentially critical poise that should be deep in the soul of any journalist. This year we have come imder fire on many fronts. In Michaelmas Term we highlighted the increase in student numbers, and how important it was to prevent the School from overcrowding in order that our international reputation for teaching and research excellence be retained. In a clever rhetorical attempt to decry our standards of journalism. Sir Howard Davies attempted to denounce The Beaver's reporting as inaccurate. However, subsequent discussions with the School upheld that our original reporting had been true and accurate to the information given to us. The article highlighted a crucial area of concern for the School community, and it was right and proper that The Beaver prompted debate and highlighted student concerns in this field. Waterstone's the booksellers drew particular exception to our blink article which criticised the store for not offering a student discount and offering poor value for money when compared with other sources of necessary texts for courses at the LSE. We stood by the sentiment of our article, which correctly outlined that the store does not offer the best value for money to LSE students purchasing literature for their courses. It was important that The Beaver resisted attempts by Waterstone's to crudely frighten and bully the paper into a retraction. Their conduct was deplorable and I think our measured and fair reaction to their tactics was testament to a new era of joumahstic standards in The Beaver. Perhaps most divisively. The Beaver has had to endure and repel the excessively censorious nature of the SU Executive, which has attempted to drive the paper towards what some of its members see as the progressive role of a Student Union Newspaper. Looking through, as I have been, the archives of The Beaver I have noticed that this is a recurring theme throughout the paper's history which, I have no doubt, led to the constitutional stipulation that The Beaver should remain editorially independent of the Union. To not recognise this is to ignore the fundamental role played by a free press in a democracy. Any power bloc, no matter how insignificant, should never be free from open criticism, and the best way to achieve this is through the press. Nobody in power likes criticism, but a free press is one of the crucial distinctions between a democratic and an authoritarian state. This year The Beaver has become stronger in all its sections than ever before. We have finally achieved the necessary and proper distinction between objective news articles, and coherently argued conmient pieces. I am sure that executive officers will continue to bombard myself and the other editors of the paper with meaningless and trite attempts at self-publicity, but it is fitting that we have become strong enough to resist their demands for space and subsequent devaluation of the editorial content of the paper. The news section has moved beyond the ranting space that it has formerly been, and become a smart. professional and valuable source of news not easily available in the mainstream press, blink has moved beyond its traditional badge of the essay reproduction service into a section containing lively debate on a plurality of issues related to fields of study at the LSE. B:art continues to be an essential creative outlet to students of the LSE, an area in which we are surprisingly rich despite our-focus on more prosaic academic pursuits. Even Sport, that traditional bug-bear of The Beaver's editor, has cleaned up its act, and managed to retain its humour and important role of entertainment for the Athletics Union community, whilst at the same time letting go of its more gratuitously offensive side. Student journalism is inherently amateur, and there will always be mistakes and errors, we will not follow through with every lead or catch every story, but this year everyone involved with the paper has put in a tremendous effort to ensure that The Beaver strives for ever higher standards of accuracy, presentation and professionalism. I am indebted to all our contributors and editors, and to our readers, who I hope have appreciated what I see as the paper playing its role as an information resource and forum for expression in a way that places it at the centre of LSE life. Moving with the times You immerse yourself in the events of term time and before you know it another year's passed by. Ben Chapman reflects on the last twenty-five weeks of his life. If there's one sure way to realise just how quickly time passes, it's when you're moving house. When enduring the tedious rigmarole of leaving the flat you so enthusiastically moved into not yet six months ago, it becomes ever-so-appar-ent that the time really does fly (regardless of how much fun you're having), as you box stuff back up that you had only unboxed seemingly a short time before. It was a fate I was resigned to last weekend, and I can vouch for how true it is that time at LSE really does race past. This is particularly so when it comes to the Beaver year, which, though we dignify it in 'annual' terms, in reality is a scant twenty-one weeks long. So whilst in the wider context of the outside world, I find myself facing the consequences of a six-month break clause, in terms of this final issue of our esteemed 600-edition-old rag, I suddenly am forced to think in terms of a year gone by. Moving into a new home in September was not entirely dissimilar to the installation of four (well, in fact just three) new Sabbs to guide the Union through another year of report-giving, speech-making, campaign-organising and Bush-bashing. Budgets were savaged, reputations damaged and press relations dented; top-up fees were all but adopted despite the relentless, but ultimately fruitless, efforts of eager leafleteers with more productive work to do. And yet we now find ourselves welcoming a newly-elected set of leaders to the fray, ready for the to-ing and fro-ing of Union politics to start afresh in six months' time. It seems not five minutes ago since Freshers' Fayre, and carting glossy guidebooks round to Clement House in sweltering and sticky September sunshine, in the hope that the LSE's newest crop of students might be so impressed as to join us at the start of a new Beaver year. And so it was that new names were added, new writers recruited and new editors appointed (and others, memorably, departed); new sections, new layout and a new grate on the door following the infamous break-in in October. The times they are a'changin', sang one Bob Dylan, but here they change faster than most places. This was the year that the Blair government was rocked to its very core, yet emerged in one piece, despite the fury of many towards top-up fees, the distrust created by the Kelly-scandal-that-never-was, according at least to Lord Hutton, and the controversial visit of George Bush to London. This was the year that the LSE campus was finally pedestrianised, only for us to be informed that the whole place is to be dug up again in five years' time. That great paradox in reflecting on time passed is startlingly apparent once again as we look back on two terms' worth of activity: that though it seems to fly by so quickly, you nevertheless recount all that has taken place and end up thinking that September seems a very long time ago. A year in six months, in twenty-one issues, in two terms or sixteen essays; as we approach the drought that is the LSE Summer Term, with its deserted campus and revision-numbed students, we must all face the reality of the end of student life as we know it, and leave behind the many events of this past 'year'. Housewarming's next September. There's not really much to say. 8 Comment & Analysis The Beaver 16 March 2004 The Beaver 2nd Floor, East Building LSE Students' Union London WC2A2AE email: thebeaver@lse.ac.uk job: Jimmy asleep on his office floor. Obituary James Philip Baker Today we moiim the passing of LSE legend James Philip Baker, an LSE SU stalwart, responsible for single-handedly ensuring profit in the Three Tims for the last six years and revolutionizing the last hour at Crush, so much so that you can set your watch by him. LSE is veiy different from most other universities in Britain for one reason - the high volume of student turnover every single year. In a Union characterized by too many invisible postgraduates and too many disinterested general course students, it is a rarity for someone to be involved in the Students' Union for six years. It is therefore quite impressive when someone has, in one odd way or another, been leaving his mark (stain?) on the LSESU for such a long time. Really, who doesn't know Jimmy Baker? For a start, Passfield felt his considerable weight when he inexorably altered its bar. Anyone who had ever been there for the past 5 years wiU have noticed the inimitable decor - the full size posters on its walls. Eddie Izzard, Kelly Brook, Jimmy's note of absence from two classes in a row; Laurence Llewelyn Bowen wouldn't have been proud. His managership of the Passfield Bar consummated his lifelong love affair with Lord Booze, and with his avenging angels Fletch and Warwick, he blazed a trail across the pubs and clubs of London, setting standards fellow students could only hope to emulate. But Jimmy knew that first you giveth then taketh away. So he was ready and willing to put his time and energy in the Union that was providing so willingly for him. Whether it be on his 'Liquid Limch' Dear Sir, I write to register my disapproval of Rowan Harvey's apologies to last week's UGM, where it was announced that she had vacated her sabbatical position to go to India for two weeks. It is highly inappropriate that a sabbatical officer, elected and paid for a year's work to render themselves unavailable for such a prolonged period during term-time, particularly considering students' education and welfare related problems are particularly acute at this time of year with the stress of approaching exams and high workloads. Although sabbatical officers are more than entitled to their leave, this should be exercised with due regard to the commitments of office, and not be taken during the approximately 26 weeks when students are on campus in great numbers. This still leaves half of the rest of the year in which to take leave. Yours, Jai Shah Dear Sir, I was appalled by Miss Kanan Dhru's (09/03/2004 The Beaver) analysis of Pakistani Nuclear proliferation. It was nothing but merely a classical 'anti-Pakistani-dogma', which is much prevalent in the Indian society, rather than what one would say "analysis". Her article indeed give me the impression that it is not safe for a society which has people Uke A Q Khan , to have nuclear weapon, but it is absolutely fine for coimtry like India to possess nuclear weapon where extreme Hindu Nationalists pervade India's well established secular democracy. In India, thousands of ethnic and reli- Living for the radio show on PuLSE, or his magnificent weekly column in The Beaver, 'the Mullet', or even his expert handling of the decks at Crush, it was impossible not to feel Mr Baker's touch on your student life. The rotund Yorkshireman wasn't just going to entertain us though, he was going to try and enrich our lives. He was on the Constitution and Steering committee, quite rightly treating this institution with the contempt it deserves by never attending a meeting. He worked hard as Male Equal Opportunities Officer, his legacy being betrayed by the incompetence of his successors. He revitalized the LGBT, putting it at the forefront of LSE life. In running for Treasurer in 2001, he succeeded in livening up an otherwise dull race with his 'Aga Do' campaign. Yet Jimmy was always an entertainer and in 2002 he was elected to the position his entire student career had been geared towards, that of Entertainments Officer. Somehow, he also managed to complete a Sociology Degree. As Ents Officer, he galvanized the RAG and Global Weeks, making them into major events on the LSESU calendar, not the afterthought that they had previously been. Under him, RAG Week raised more money than ever before and more societies gious minority deaths go unnoticed in their "neutral" media. And human rights violation is widespread not only in their "rebel states" but also throughout the whole country. It is not better then Pakistan, per se, in terms of people's morality and honest conscience regarding "world safety", in regards to nuclear proliferation. Nuclear weapon in India's ultra right Hindu nationalist's hand also posit a threat to their neighbouring countries, what our friend Kanan would say, "the fear of burning in extreme heat of radiation". But her article failed to reflect the true picture. May I remind to my beloved Law colleague that India was the first coimtry to start nuclear arms race in already volatile sub-continent in 1970s (possibly because of the threat from China), thus Pakistani response followed in later years. Moreover India's egotistical behaviour with her neighbours and history of aggression against Sikkim and Kashmir was definitely not a good record for them to possess the Nukes. Neither India nor Pakistan should be licensed to have those deadly weapons (not justifying the ultra fascist Bush regime or "red capitalist" China's possessions) if peace is to be retained in the sub-continent or anywhere else in the World. With Regards. Mohibul Hassan Dear Beaver, You must stop Matthew Sinclair from writing his disastrous articles! I cannot understand a thing and neither can my friends. Furthermore the guy always chooses the strangest and most obscure and more diversity were introduced to Global Week. As organizer and host of Crush he leamt from previous mistakes by sticking to the formula that makes aU student nights popular, i.e. cheap drink and crap music. The resulting increase in attendance and takings silenced any critics. Indeed, this momentum built up and it was no sixrprise when he was re-elected as Ents Sabb in 2003. This year its been more of the same: RAG week breaking records, the Global Show being ever larger and more ambitious, LGBT having its own weekly night, and Crush staying the busiest and most successful student night in London. But alas all good things must come to an end, and now the end has come for Jimmy. His leaving has left us not only a gap in our lives and the Tuns takings, but a literal, physical void. He was a fat twocker after all. Jimmy leaves a pack of Bensons, a pint of Guinness and a six year trail of destruction. RIP The Mullet. Justin Nolan Sam Nicklin topics. It looks like he doesn't know what to write about but feels he has to. I promise you Matthew, you don't need to write an article every single week! (and please don't write two or three every week...). Thanks for your understanding, Adrian Portafaix Dear Sir, Last week's The Beaver's report on election said it is "likely that Srouji attracted the ire of some of the Union's Jewish and Israeli students for his continued support of the Palestinian cause." I would like to point out to your readers that the Israeli and Jewish block vote is not the only such dynamic in SU elections and that Srouji enjoyed the support of several larger societies. I would also like to point out that the Israeli society did not oppose Omar because of his "continued support for the Palestinian cause" but for other reasons relating to his conduct on campus. He has among other things, admitted to me that he has vandalized Israeli Society posters, and confronted me when trying to put them up. Most significantly, he has constantly pushed one-side and counter-productive anti-IsraeU motions at the UGM. Mr Srouji's actions in the past have deeply divided the Union and at times contributed to an atmosphere on campus and is imcomfortable for LSE's Jewish and Israeli Students. Yours, Michael Sprung Co-Chairman, LSE Israeli Society Letters continue on page 9 EXeCUTiVE EDITOR Mark Power MANAONGEDrrOR Sen Chapman BUSINESS MANAGER . AqeeiKadri _; NEWS EDITORS ^ Chris Keathcote; Praslwnt Rao BUNK EDITOR Matthew Sinclair B;ART EDITOR Carolina Bunting > - SPORTS EDITORS Louise Hastie; Paul McAleavey EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Olivia Mantle FILM EDITORS Simon Cliff; Dani Ismail MUSIC EDITORS Matt Boys; Ben Howarth LITERARY EDITOR ion Martea THEATRE EDITOR Keith Postler FINE ART EDITOR Caroline Bray B:ABOUT EDITOR Joanne Lancaster THE COLLECTIVE James Alien, Tracy Altoway, Alex Angert, Jimmy Baker, Edd Bailey, Hestor Barsham, iay Bassatii ion Baylis, Peter Bellini, Morwenna Bennett> Matthias Benzer, Sian Beynon, Alison Blease, Jess Brammar, Jazmin Burgess, Kate Surl(e, Ed Calow, Garetfi Carter, Jon Charles, Simon Cbignell, Brian Choudhary, Sal Chowdhury, Joanna Clarke, Dave Cole, Naomi Colvin, Chloe Cook, Sarah Coughtrie, Aalia Patoo, Katie Oavies, Jon de Kcyser, Tom Oeianey, Laura Dollin, Jan Ouesing, Chris Emmerson, Sian Eirington, James Eyton, Mike Fauconnier-Bank, IVistan Feunteun, Jessica Fostekew, Daniel Freedman, Juli Gan, Neil Garrett, Glyn Gaskarth, Alex Goddard, Sarah Greenberg, Michael Griffith, Ceri Griffiths, Daniel Grot*, : :$achin Gupta, Stephen Gurman, Rowan Harvey, Sophia < Hof(man>fiashlr Homawala, Nazir Hussain, Nawaz ln»m, Stacie Ishmael, (Hiver Jelleyman, Tom Jenkins, Bonnie Johnson, Abteen Karimi, Laurence Kavanagh, Joel Kenrick, Jo Kibble, Dalia King, Paul Kirby, Adrian Li, Kheng Lim,Van Lim, Elaine Londesborough,Will Macfarlane/Kim Mandeng, Vita Maynard, John McDermott, James Meadway, Amy ; Morgan, Francis Murray, Samantha : Niddin, Justin Nolan, Neel Patel, Eliot Poilak, Chris Pope, Adam Quinn, Saima Qureshi, Ibrahim Rasheed, Zaf Rashid, Loretta Reehill, Matt Rushworth, Noam Schimmel, Olivia Schofield, Jai Shah, James Sharrock, Elliot Simmons, Nick Spurreil, Omar Srouji, Jon Sutcliffe, Darius Tabatabai, Jimmy tam, Sarah Taylor, Jamie Tehrani, Chrissy Totty, Chmai Tucker, Ethel Tungohan, Hanisha Umanee, James Upsher, Alykhan Velshi, Saija Vuola, Ellie Vyras, Greta Wade, Sarah Warwick, Claudia Whitcomb, Matt Willgress, Dave Willumsen, Tom Winstone, Ruksana Zaman. ............................ PRINTED BY THE NORTHCLIFFE PRESS If you have written three or more articles for the' -Beaver and y«Htr name does not appear in the Collective, please email thebeaver@'l5e.ac.uk and fwf wW be added to tiM list in iwxt pa|M»r^ -Ifw ABaMM* is ayaitabie in dHnnuitive formats and; Letters to the Editor The Beaver 16 March 2004 Comment &: Analysis 9 The Beaver Comment Howard listens at last Sir Howard Davies' announcement that he has withdrawn his name from consideration for a position on the board of French oil giant Total is to be commended. Whilst this paper has stood against previous attacks on the Director's employment history as being negative and counterproductive, the campaign to stop him taking up the position with Total was a well-inten-tioned and necessary one, for this position would have linked the School with a company clearly deficient in the area of corporate responsibility. There are lessons to be learned from this episode. Students' concerns should not be so resolutely dismissed as seems to have initially been the case with the Total issue. In addition, oversight bodies like that of the Court of Governors, and its Chair, Lord Grabiner should be more careful to think through and research the implications of School association with companies like Total, before they approve and support the Director's involvement with them. In this instance the Director himself, after consultation came to the conclusion that, given the widespread concerns of members of the LSE community, it would be imwise to take the job. It is the role of Governors to undertake this process before approving such positions, and it is a testament to the integrity of the Director that he chose to recognise the concerns of faculty and students. However, it is asking too much that this be the sole check in the process. The second issue, that of the rapid dismissal of student concerns is also important. The impression gained by the Director's comments at the Governors' meeting, as well as his avoidance of those presenting their petition would seem to indicate that the students' concerns were not taken seriously xmtil backed up by consultation with faculty. Sir Howard, in the Governors' meeting complained that the students had acted in a manner that was deliberately aimed at causing him maximum embarrassment, yet they would not have been justified in doing so had he adopted a more conciliatory and attentive attitude to the students' views. Were he to have done so, he would have realised that those concerned represented a much broader spectrum of students than those who have sought to fault him from all angles. From a broader perspective, however. Sir Howard's rejection of the position on Total's board will hopefully send yet another signal to the oil giant that its position as the biggest European investor in a corrupt regime run by a military junta is unacceptable and severely lacking in the sort of corporate ethical standards that should be playing a larger role in the actions of global companies. Oxford progression The election by the Oxford Union of its second Asian female president is to be roundly applauded, despite the damaging electoral complaints made against her by those who would seem to represent the establishment of the institution. The truth is that the Union, which is to be distinguished from the Oxford University Students' Union, has long been a bastion of conservatism and the establishment and it is refreshing that its members, albeit by a slim margin, have chosen a president who breaks the mould and shows that the Oxford Union is begrudgingly taking its place in the 21st century. On the surface of it, it would seem that Ruzwana Bashir has had a tough time of breaking the forces of conservatism within the centuries old institution, and it is heartening that she has weathered yet another electoral complaint clearly designed to sabotage her chances of success. The LSE is fortunate in that such practice is largely nonexistent on its campus but the experience of the Oxford Union marks the need for the community to remain prescient of the abuse of procedural complaints for dubious electoral gain. Beaver 600 This week is The Beaver's 600th issue under its current numbering format and presents the opportunity for a reflection of the role the organ has played in LSE life since its inception in 1949. Whilst The Beaver's accuracy and objectivity have not always been of the current standard, the archives of the paper offer a valuable resource for anyone interested in the history of LSE student life. It is indeed surprising how little things have changed, and how many of today's burning issues have been recurrent themes in the lives of LSE students throughout the last half-century. The end of the year also presented the paper with the opportunity for its traditional round-up of the year's events, and we hope readers are entertained by the special features of the edition. iii xUKf-an Letters to the Editor Continued from page 8 Dear Sir, If James Headway thinks Jo Kibble's unsuccessful election campaign was derailed by "an orchestrated smear campaign of ridiculous proportions" he is sadly way off the mark. The fact is that yes, Jo was probably an excellent Treasurer in the narrow sense of totting up columns of numbers and balancing the books, but his general behaviour and patronising demeanour did neither the LSESU nor himself no favours whatsoever; then add to this the behaviour of some of his supporters - and indeed for someone who was forced to stop campaigning on Babble's behalf because of his disgraceful behaviour to then claim the election for Treasurer was "a disgusting farce, ruined by the undemocratic practices (!) and absolute cynicism..." is arrogant beyond belief. Talking of "smear campaigns", anyone that knows Gareth Carter knows he is not sexist and in no way a thug... and on the subject of "past records" I think that the majority of LSE students who know of Headway's past would come to the conclusion that if anyone is more the thug, it is Headway himself. To suggest that the election for Treasurer was "a show trial masquerading as an election" (note Headway's modus operandi of making outrageous remarks but offering precious little evidence to back them up) is frankly an insult to the intelligence of those who voted in the election. But then of course it is, to put it mildly, a Uttle fanciful to expect some members of the LSE extreme left to accept defeat with good grace. Yours, Steve Simpson Sir, I often wonder why The Beaver is aiding the attempted transformation of the hard-left communist James Headway from an LSE joke, into the representative of the left at the LSE. Unless it's part of an attempt to shift students away from the left to more liberal positions. That said, marxist groups such as Headway's SWP, or the similar SociaUst Action, can provide a source of amusement once you realise the closest they'll ever get to deciding government policy is Houghton Street. The sight of students from one of the country's most eUte universities trying to explain why 16-year-old school-leavers should subsidise their education, or them chanting at a demonstration "workers united will never be defeated," with not one worker among them, always makes me laugh. It was also highly amusing to read Headway's description of himself as a progressive. Regressive would be more fitting, given that the SWP (and Socialist Action) yearn back to the dark days of communist totalitariaiusm. Headway's accusing others of "an orchestrated smear campaign of ridiculous proportions," is perhaps the greatest example of the pot calling the kettle black. Headway's every day on Houghton Street is spent ti^g to orchestrate a "smear campaign of ridiculous proportions." That is what the far-left specialise in. Just look at his villifi-cation of our director Sir Howard Davies for meeting President Bush! As for Headway's sudden concern for "democracy," is this the same boy who was thrown out the UGH for storming the stage; and prevented from campaigning on Houghton Street for breaking election rules? Has to make you laugh. Yours, Daniel Freedman Dear Sir, Thank you to the entire Beaver Team for your accurate, fair, and thoughtful coverage of the recent SU elections. It is heartening to see that even after six-hundred issues The Beaver continues to offer groundbreaking new coverage, such as that of the UGH hustings in issue 598. However, I must take issue with my colleague James Headway's Plenty Left to shout about 'article' from last week's paper. He is absolutely correct to highlight our 'weU-oiled election machine' which delivered victoiy by what he rightly identifies as a 'significant margin'. However, I am bemused, and frankly offended, by his implication that some kind of 'whispering campaign' was conducted to my advantage. Hy agent Aqeel Kadri, myself. and our team conducted a fair campaign focused on student issues. At no point did we seek to negatively campaign against our opponents, indeed the veiy nature of our message was to play down potentially divisive intemational and religious issues. Sadly candidates who have provoked the ire of certain groups have to face the consequences of their actions during elections. Hr Headway conveniently ignores the fact that the only sanctions taken by the Returning Officer in the General Secretary contest were against my opponent's agent for illegal canvassing. Furthermore, Hr Headway himself had to be withdrawn from campaigning following complaints over his aggressive and 'thuggish' behaviour. Hr Headway identifies that 'The Left faces a difficulty in cracking out of single issues and in creating a credible programme for a broader mass of concerns'. This is precisely why centrist candidates such as myself and Gareth Carter appeal to a greater proportion of the student body and its 'broad mass of concerns', and are consequently elected. I personally do not subscribe to the left-right debate in student politics; it is questionable whether it even continues in national politics. As General Secretary I will be making political decisions in the interests of students, not personal ideology. Perhaps as an Executive Officer of this Union Hr Headway should investigate this philosophy? I know many postgraduate students who he is apparently representing that share this concern. Students.. .not politics. Yours, William Hacfarlane Dear Sir, I fovmd the picture of our new AU exec, published in the last issue of the BeaverSports (Issue 599) extremely disturbing. Hr. Rustman, the new communications officer, in a display of juvenile immaturity is proudly giving us the bird! I hope this gesture does not in any way reflect his future policies. I would like to surest to the editorial team to exercise more care in the selection of photographs. Yours, George Katsanos 10 blink The Beaver 16 March 2004 Editor: Matthew Sinclair (IVI.Sinclair1@lse.ac.uk) Features Features Correspondent; Tracy Ailoway (t.alloway@lse.ac.uk) Resolution; Response The UGM passes a lot of motions. Many of these motions require letters to be sent to various groups expressing the Union's, always strongly felt, opinion. Sometimes those on the receiving end of our Union's righteous anger respond... Elliot Simmons_ Holey Condoms Motion We accused the Catholic Church of misinforming people in developing countries about contraception. Response Erm... a wall of silence Statue of Nelson Mandela Motion To call upon Westminster Council to grjuit permission for a Statute of Nelson Mandela to be placed in Trafalgar Square and to urge Ken Livingston and Diane Abbott MP to continue their campaign for the Statue to be erected. Response Ken noted that it was "always good to hear supportive views!" and gave us the oppor-timity to "pay tribute" to Nelson Mandela by making a donation to the Statue's Fund. Westminster Coimcil and Ms Abbott have yet to reply. Postal Strike Motion To support UNISON and the Commvuiication Workers Union (CWU) in their campaign for a £4,000 London Weighting. Response Surprisingly enough both unions thanked us for our support. Racist Graffiti Motion To condemn graffiti depicting a defaced Israeli flag and defaced Star of David found on an LSE Building and to inform the Director. Response The graffiti in question was removed and the Director replied that he was pleased to see that the Union was firm in its condemnation of racist material. Solidarity with Turkey Motion The Union voted unanimously to send its condolences to the Turkish people in response to the terrorist bombings in TUrkey last November aimed at attacking its democratic values. Response The l\irkish Ambassador thanked us for The UGM tells the powerful what it thinks of them our letter of condolence and noted, "that aU of us at the TUrkish Embassy are deeply touched by the chorus of support coming from every part of the UK". LSE Stop the War Coalition Motion To support a teach-in and sit-in at LSE in protest at the state visit of Geoi^e Bush which we declared was offensive in the eyes of many in seeking to imply the support of the British people for his policies and his government when such support does not exist. Response The teach-in was a successful and peaceful event. Disruption was kept to a minimum with the venue being booked through conferences and student volimteers performing the role of stewards. Support for Postal Workers Motion To support the postal workers in their struggle to maintain their collective rights and dignity, and to hand deliver a letter with this message to the Evening Standard. Response Possibly surprised at receiving a hand-delivered letter (and probably not having a lot else to print) the Editor of the Letters Page asked me to expand the original letter to examine the wider issues, which they then didn't print. Bastards. gainst the Separation Fence Motion To condemn the construction of the Separation Fence being built on the West Bank by the Israeli government and to caU for its immediate dismantling in letters to Ariel Sharon, Tony Blair MP, Jack Straw MP, the Israeli ambassador to the UK (Mr Shtauber), the British Ambassador to Israeli (Simon McDonald) and Frank Dobson MP. The letter also called for a letter of support to be sent to ISM. Response Frank Dobson MP replied that he had "for many years supported the Palestinian cause" and enclosed a standard letter containing his views on the subject. Simon McDonald wrote, "the British government shares your concerns" and noted that he had raised this issue with Israeli politicians and officials. However, the Assistant Foreign Policy Advisor who replied on behalf of Ariel Sharon stated that they were building "a security fence in order to assist in the prevention of terrorism against Israel" and that peace was only possible "once the Palestinian leadership undertakes to combat terror decisively". The Foreign Office wrote that "terrorism is inexcusable...(and) the PA must dp what it can to stop further att^ks"; but that" a number of Israeli p©liei« -and practices. give the Government cause for ^ave concern". The Foreign Office sent a further letter on behedf of the Prime Minister which stated that "the Government shares your grave concerns about Israel's building of a wall in the occupied Palestinian Territories" and that "unilateral measures, such as the fence, will not provide lasting security. This can only be delivered by a negotiated settlement". Mr Shtauber and ISM have yet to reply. Tcvo-Minute Silence Motion To hold a two-minute silence to remember those who have lost their lives in war in the Quad and to write to the Director asking him to ensure the silence is observed throughout the School. Response LSESU successfully held the two-minute silence in the Quad and the Director placed a message in 'News & Views' and the computer log-in boxes saying the School respects the right of students and staff to observe the silence. Condemnation of the Malaysian Prime Minister's Comments Motion To write a letter to the Malaysian Embassy condemning the Malaysian Prime Minister's use of anti-Semitism, in a speech to the Organisation of Islamic Conference, for political gain. Response None. Bush-Off Motion To write to the Foreign Office and the US Embassy condemning the formal state visit of George Bush, which implies a support for him, and his actions, that does not, in fact, exist in this country and elsewhere in the world. The motion also noted that President Bush has acted in a way which fundamentally conflicts with the policies of LSESU, these policies include: our stand against the War in Iraqi, our belief that the "death penalty has no place in modem society", and o\ir deeply held environmental beliefs. Response The Foreign Office replied that the visit "underlined and strengthened pur close friendship with the United States, in many walks of life" and listed a number of issues which were discussed including "bringing freedom, security and peace to Iraq" and establishing a team to "improve human health by reducing pollution". They also noted that there are times "where we disagree with the United States and say so" such as repeatedly making clear the UK's "abhorrence of the death penalty". The US Embassy sent the Union its standard postcard - which sets out that although they are too busy to reply to every individual letter they "welcome your comments and have taken note of your concerns" - that is seemingly sent whenever they don't want to reply. Boykin's Comments on Islam Motion To write to the US Embassy condemning the comments made by US Lt.Gen. William Boykin. These statements included, when talking of a Muslim Somali War Lord, "Well you know my God was a real God, and his was an idol". Response The Embassy sent a short note with the following quote from President Bush: "General Boykin's comments don't reflect the administration's comments... He doesn't reflect my point of view, or the view of this administration". Let Them Rest in Peace Motion To write to the Prime Ministers of Canada and Australia condemning the defacing of the Canadian National War monument prior to the Remembrance Day commemorations and the disturbances caused in Australia when anti-war protesters shrieked and disrupted the Remembrance day commemorations during the moment of silence. Response None to date. The Beaver 16 March 2004 blink 11 Features Features Correspondent: Tracy Alloway (t.alloway@lse.ac.uk} No response from Ariel Sharon to the SU's letters. Yet- No to Racial Stereotypes Motion To congratulate the BBC on taking tlie racist comments made by Robert Kilroy-Silk so seriously and to forward copies of the motion that was passed to the Commission for Racial Equality (CRE) and the Press Complaints Commission (PCC). Response Sir Christopher Meyer, Chairman of the PCC, was grateful to me "for drawing the concerns of the student body" to his attention and noted that the legal position in regard to the complaint was stiU being clarified. Trevor Phillips, Chair of the CRE, thanked us for our support and appreciated our efforts. Condemnation of the Proposed French Ban on Religious Signs in School as a Violation of the Freedom of Religion Motion To write to the French Embassy and the President of the European Commission expressing the Union's opposition to the bill that was before the French Parliament banning "conspicuous" religious signs in schools. Response The French Ambassador responded that the Education Bill "should be seen as one of a set of measures designed to promote better integration into French society and to fight economic and social discrimination". He also noted that the policy was based on "secularism" which was one of the key principles of French citizenship. The Head of the European Commissions Justice and Home Afiairs Department responded that the Commission could not intervene in this case and that decisions taken by Member States had to be "respected". However, he also noted that if a person considers that their fundamental rights have been violated, they could, after exhaiisting all domestic remedies, apply to the European Court of Human Rights. Honorary Vice-President Tom Humdall RIP Motion To demand that the Israeli soldier responsible for killing LSESU Honorary Vice-President, Tom Humdall, be brought to justice in letters to Tony Blair, Ariel Sharon and Jack Straw, following the confession of the soldier in question that he had fired at an unarmed civilian deliberately as a deterrent. The motion also mandated all members of the Executive Committee to sign a letter to the Humdall family expressing the Union's sadness at Tom's death and to hold a one-minute silence in his memory. Response The Foreign Office, on behalf of Jack Straw, replied that they "are continually pressing the Israeli authorities to conduct a full and transparent investigation into this tragic incident" and are in "regular conduct" with Tom's family. Tom Humdall's family, Tony Blair and Ariel Sharon have yet to reply. Emergency Motion (Top-Up Fees) Motion To ask Howard Davies to explain his decision to place an advert in the Guardian, in a non-personal capacity, supporting the government's Higher Education Bill after he had written to LSESU stating that he would not state his views on top-up fees in a fashion that could be interpreted as representing the view of the LSE as a whole; and after LSE Council agreed, following an earlier breach of this agreement, that the Director's future statements on this issue should make explicit that he is speaking in a personal capacity on this issue. The motion also called for LSESU to continue to campaign against above pay-inflation rises in postgraduate and international student fees and to support Michael Howard's call for the HE Bill to be considered by a "committee of the whole House of Parliament". Response LSESU presented a paper concerned with the Director's actions at the next LSE Council meeting at which he agreed to write to the beaver to clarify that the School does not currently hold a view on Top-Up Fees. The Council also made clear in the discussion that followed the presentation of the paper that such ambiguity such be avoided in future. A letter was also sent on behalf of Michael Howard thanking us for our recent letter and stating that he had "carefully noted" our comments. Free Childcare Motion To campaign for free childcare for the children of students at LSE by writing to Howard Davies, Margaret Hodge MP, Minister for Children, Patricia Hewitt MP, Minister for Women, and Charles Clark MP, Secretary of State for Education & Skills requesting their support. Response The Director replied that after consultation with the Finance Director an additional £15,000 would be made available to the LSESU Childcare Support Fund this year. The Director also noted that the School is currently reviewing its fee structure for the Nursery (which is already heavily subsidized) and it was likely that the Nursery would be moving to a new, larger site that would raise the number of places from 24 to 60. However, the Director also made clear that the School could not provide free childcare for students without additional financial support from the government. The Department for Education and Skills sent a letter setting out the existing schemes that were available to student parents who wished to apply for additional financial support. 'Outrageous Sexism' Motion To vrate letters to Nestle and their advertising agent expressing our dismay at the "satanic" advertising campaign they are choosing to pursue for the Yorkie Bar by claiming it is "definitely not for girls". The Union believed that this campaign was sexist and so logically condoned the objec-tification of women, thus logically condoning sexual violence and ultimately rape. Response In response Nestle boycotted a debate organised by LSESU People and Planet Society on the grounds they could no longer participate in an event at LSE. The Head of Nestle Corporate Affairs replied to our letter that the "primary objective of the campaign is to reclaim chocolate for men" and that during the development of the campaign the issue that the adverts may be offensive to women "did not emerge". Elliot Simmons is the incumbent LSESU General Secretary. Musinqs RIGERCAR Matthew Sinclair blink Editor 'umans are weak. We run sO; slowly; fifty miles per hotur is .possible in a really crappy car;, why not on our legs? All sorts of animals can fly but we can hardly jump. I'm particularly upset with my ancestor's failure to evolve photosynthesis. We could do our bit to avert climate change, have a valuable e^rtra source of energy and take on a wonderful green hue rather than our current, distinctly diiU, pastel shades. Thank God for technology. Flying at several times the speed of sound is now a human capability, the birds will never catch us, we can kill things with an efficiency that no other animal comes near and we can shout across continents... very... quietly. Arthur C. Clarke, of space baby fame, has been pondering why humanity has not taken the next evolutionary step so many of the last generation's most prescient viaonaries foresaw; of a leap into ^ace in a big way. He has come to the conclusion that space travel is likely to be pioneered and maintained by extensions of oursdves cross-; ing a new frontier, cutting the apron strings and learning to sbike out on their own. Humans are weak and are going to need the support provided by their machine brethren to survive beyond the Gaian womb, however, if machinM explored the universe for us alone it would be an underemployment of our race's unique tendency to think way too much in the most odd of ways. Douglas Hofstadter's conception of the self as being composed of complex and dynamic strange loops, constructs that return to the same point that they started at without ever turning around is, as any attempt to describe conscious-' ness must be, positively mind-boggling. He suggests that these strange loops could be creates in machines to create artificial intelligence in the original seiise of the word; he has a vision of animate minds arising out of inanimate processes; processes that could be duplicated, would such a duplication be a fine tool vidth which to equip our robotic pioneers. I'm pretty certain that machines will not be able to take the place of human beings in innovation until they care, until they have selves; I would question, whether it is worth putting the effort in, to create consciousness for them. Humans are weak but do have strengths in one field. As thinking: beings they do bloody well. Every time hiunans have had more than a passing opportimity to escape the "being eaten by a bear" phase of existence we have spent our time theorizing, preferably as far from certainty as possible. Equally I do not thinJc we can properly do our thinking from an earth-based armchair. We think through our "selves"; if we do not relate to the situation then we will not be able to understand it. Homo sapiens are exceptionally good at being sapient. Our machine friends wUl have to carry us around the universe but I think we'd be worth taking along.; 12 blink The Beaver 16 March 2004 Broadly Left The Far-Right Never Dies Tracy Alloway blink Colunmist With oniy ;;two weeks left to go in the term, I managed an early escape - a w^end break to Austria. With the chaos of the SU elections in full-swing, it seemed the land of Mozart and souiid-of-rauslc scenery was the perfect antidote to end of term stress. So imagine my surprise, when upon my arrival, the rural solitude of Southern Austria was marred by the most ubiquitous of activities - govematorial elections, with the most infamous oi candidates, a Mr. Jorg Haider. Those of you who remember the heady days of 2000, wiU surely recall the furor caused by Haider , and; his . far-right ifeedoin^; Party. Austria; ;votedi: the: IVeedom Party wen, the world got ups#, sanctions were called for, Haider resigned as Party leader, and the far-right tendencies of Austria appeared diffused. Yet here was Haider running for governor of the Carinthian-province - a man who's most memorable quotes include "The Freedom Party is not the descendant of the National Socialist Party. If it were, we would have an absolute majority," and "... in the Third Reich they had an 'orderly' employment policy ..." (sounds strangely similar to a certain ex-IVeasurer's admirance for Lenin's leadership qualities) A man whose parents were verified Nazis, who inherited his wealth from a Jewish; man forced to flee Austria; after the 1939 annexation, and who has taken careful steps to cultivate a close relationship wth Saddam Hussein, of all people. Perplexed by tas perpetual political presence I decided to ask a few of my Austrian friends to explain Haider's continued appeal. AU of them replied something along the lines of "Despite his bull^ shit, Haider's done a lot for CaMhthiai'*' It seems the personal beliefs of;Haider| his xenophobic tendencies and Nazi affinities, don't bother , the majority of Carinthians. Why is this? Do they 'secrel^ ly agree with Haider^: do they choose to ignore his comments as irrelevant, or are they simply ignorant of the hurt (and political damage) Haider's racist comments can cause? Now here's the pait where I elicit a batch of angiy emails from Austrian students, but, it seems to me that; Austria is hardly the most racially-eidightened of countries. In the time that I've spent there, I've heard very normal Austrians say things like (upon seeing a well-behaved Black kid silting in a coffee-shop) "..It's amazing how nicely he's sitting, you'd expect him to be vrild." Such comments are not made out of spite, but from ignorance - and perhaps: this explains the continued support for; Haider. We can't expect far-right poHtical parties based on xenophobia and insensi-; tivity to die out, untU the ignorance which sustains them does first. Let's hope the Carinthians eventually learn to walk tall in a globalizing world - to start, just place left in front of right. Features Features Correspondent: Tracy Alloway (t.alloway@lse.ac.uk) A Mink Coat Among Anoraks Michael Crick has spent his career questioning the actions of the rich and powerful. r/ieBeover turned the microphone around. Justin Nolan When the opportunity arose to interview Michael Crick, I will admit I was jumping at the chance. After all, it's not often at LSE that you get to meet a fellow Mancunian, let alone a fellow Manchester United fan. He is also something of a hero to me, being the most tigerish of investigative journalists. He has worked for ITN, Channel 4 News, Panorama and lately Newsnight. But he is most famous for his impeccably researched biographies. Arthur Scargill and Militant Tendency, Michael Heseltine, and Alex Ferguson have all been in receipt of the Crick treatment. He is also, most recently, at the centre of the 'Betsygate' scandal, first reporting it in a, yet to be broadcasted, Newsnight report, and secondly by handing in the allegation to the Parliamentary Standards Commission. Most of all Michael Crick is a 'Mink Coat amongst anoraks', a journalist prepared to go to any lengths necessaiy to research his subjects and to make sure he uncovers the truth. He surely has set standards in journalistic excellence that others must leam from and foUow. How do you choose the people you write about? What is the motivation for your investigations? What fascinates me is what makes people successful, what the ingredients of personal success are. Some of these people have been successful in more than one career, for example Heseltine and Archer. When I was younger I was hugely ambitious and wanted to be Prime Minister, though I've lost all these ambitions now. But I wanted to know why these people are much more successful than you or I, and in that way they are explorations of them. Also I have chosen people who haven't been written about before, and if you keep writing and talking about them these people can keep you in a living for quite a while. Would you say you also have a strong sense of injustice, which led to your five year boycott of the Guardian newspaper group? Well I've ended the boycott now, but I still won't buy the Manchester Evening News. I thought it was utterly unreasonable they refused me access to their archives whilst I was researching the Ferguson book. I really thought they were letting the journalistic side down; that they were living in fear, that they thought Alex would boycott them. So yes I suppose a sense of injustice was what motivated that boycott, but I wouldn't say it was a huge motivating force in my writing, because if it was I wouldn't be writing about a football manager, I would be writing about the war in Iraq or third world poverty. Staying with Manchester United, you recently wrote an open letter to Sir Alex Ferguson expressing your concern about his dealings with John Magnier and his son Jason's transfer dealings. Do you think, the Rock of Gibraltar affair will be resolved amicably, and were any of your concerns about Jason Feiguson alleviated by the recent statements by Manchester United that Sir Alex has nothing to do W ¦ » " Howard Davies (left) leads Michael Crick through his recent appearani^ at the LSE. 'I still won't buy the Manchester Evening News. I thought it was utterly unreasonable they refused me access to their archives whilst I was researching the Ferguson book.' with transfer dealings? Well I think that's rubbish for a start. Quite clearly he (Alex Ferguson) has played a huge role in transfer dealings, as he has made it clear on several occasions in his books and diaries. If the United board genuinely believe that then that's a very serious issue because they don't know what's going on in their own company. As for the Magnier dispute, I think its quite likely that it will end up in court because they are both stubborn men. Ferguson must have a stronger case than he is letting on, otherwise his lawyers wouldn't carry on with the case. But the danger is a lot of dirt will come out, with Kroll investigating Alex's background. (This was obviously said before the dispute was resolved. Even Michael Crick can get it wrong, and we'll just have to wait for that dirt.) Staying with shadowy forces in the background, what was your opinion on the Hutton report and its implications? The criticisms of the BBC are nearly all valid, but the government received hardly any criticism at all, and that made the balance look terrible unfair. The resignations of Dyke and Davies were unnecessary, and if the government had received as much criticism the effect on the BBC would have been far less. In general I think the BBC will become much more cautious. But if it makes journalists more thorough and careful that's great, as the balance between caution and thoroughness is important. Were the problems with the BBC specific to the BBC? Well the problems were twofold. The reporter got his facts wrong and the BBC should have been more willing to correct the report. The fact is the government did over egg the case for war, but the BBC gov- ernors and management should have been much quicker to investigate. What do you think the wider implications for investigative journalism will be? Mistakes are inevitable in journalism, hut it is difficult to say what the implications will be in terms of procedure. There is talk on the cracking down on the hoarding of interviews. At the moment you can record for note taking purposes, but if this is forbidden it will be much harder to persuade BBC lawyers you should run a report and much harder to defend in court. It is unethical to record someone when they have not given you their permission, and it is a dilemma I have never been comfortable with. Yet there are times when it is necessary to stop people denying they said things. Do you think your expose of Besty Duncan-Smith would have been shown were it not for the ei^ects of the Kelly affair? Definitely, the report wouldn't have gone out if it wasn't for the Hutton report. Moving on to Jeffrey Archer, did you feel a sense of satisfaction when justice was finally seen to be served and he was sent to prison? Yes I thought it was the right decision. His libel trial had stolen half a million from the Daily Star and the news of the World, and it did a lot of harm to a lot of people, namely the prostitute involved, Monica Coughlan. So its good that he was bought to account. Do you plan to update your book on archer to cover the trial and his subsequent imprisonment? I don't know. I did offer to update it during the trial but the publishers weren't interested. But I'm trying to get away from Archer now, its time to move on. Is it true that your wife Margaret is writing a book about Mary Archer? Yes. She is my estranged wife now, but I will be giving her a bit of help. Your next book is on Michael Howard. When can we expect that? It should be the end of this year or the start of the next. Finally, you are known as the 'anorak's anorak'. Is this a slur or a compliment? Definitely a compliment, although some wouldn't take it that way. And with that the interview ended. Michael Howard should be an extremely worried man. Justin Nolan is a 3rd Year International Relations and History Student. The Beaver 16 March 2004 blink 13 International International Correspondent: Anchit Sood (a.sood@lse.ac.uk) A Language for Europe ? ? * ? • r ? Creating a European state without a common language will be diffic-tult. Fortunately there are two languages that could fit the bill superbly. Friedrich Poeschel_ The debate that has evolved around the project of a Eiiropean constitution left out a highly complex issue: what alternative there is to the iise of two dozen official languages in the EU. The translation costs within the EU bureaucracy alone amount to roughly 800 million euros per year. The accession of Eastern European countries will exacerbate existing inefficiencies. A chaos of languages prevents the smooth functioning of a common market. Above aU, preconditions for a genuine European democracy such as transparency and the public's attention cannot prevail as long as the citizens do not understand their poUticians and vice versa. While the need for a common language is obvious, so are the obstacles to any concrete agreement in this matter. English is widely used as an auxiUary language, but the French would rather die than accept it as Europe's official language. Likewise, there is no reason why ItaUans, Germans, or British should be willing to endorse French, however passionately the French adore their language. German, despite being the most frequent language in the EU, is way too difficult. Will this political deadlock result in a tjrpically Eimjpean compromise, such as the adoption of Dutch, Hungarian, or Portuguese? Certainly not: the national languages, however smaU or peculiar they may be, are absolutely indispensable pillars of the respective peoples' identity since they serve to permit and limit access to these peoples' cultural and social life. Attempts to abandon national languages would thus face the same resistance as the dissolution of the nation states themselves. That apart. * ? * 'Likewise, there is no reason why Italians, Germans, or British should be willing to endorse French, however passionately the French adore their language.' the purpose of Europe's imification is not the creation of a centralised and imiform superpower, but the creation of a peaceful and prosperous living environment, for the continent's inhabitants. On this background, it is clear that a common language miast not replace any European language, but constitute an additional language for cross-border business and government activities only. The fundamental problem with every existing European language is that it would be a rival to the other national languages. A flexible and modem official language would become fashionable in business and in the media, gradually undermining the very variety that Europe can be so proud of. Even if detailed arrangements are enacted to avoid these effects, it will always remain that the majority has a native language different from the official language, which gives a huge and undue advantage to those who have the official language as their mother tongue. These days, a Spaniard who has invested years to leam English to a very high standard still finds himself disadvantaged in comparison to a native English speaker when competing for a job at the ECB. Hence, in order to ensure fairness and cultural variety, all cuixent European languages have to be excluded from the pool of candidates. One potential candidate is Esperanto, an artificial language developed by a Polish doctor that combines elements from major European languages in both grammar and vocabulary. Its overriding strengths lie in its simplicity and similarity to existing languages, which would allow all Europeans to leam it very quickly. But the simplicity may also be a decisive weakness; An official language has to be capable of expressing precise laws, subtle political views, and pathetic speeches. Whether Esperanto is structured and rich enough to perform these functions is an open question. The fact that dedicated Esperanto fan communities have been established in most countries shows that it is appropriate as a language in practice, but its popularity also indicates that it . might become a rival to national languages. Other problems might arise from Esperanto's rather arbitrary selection of words and rules and from the under representation of smaller European languages. A serious alternative might be found in Latin, which served as a universal language in European academia, in diplomacy, and among clerics until the late Middle Ages. It would obviously have to be revived, yet not from scratch: Up-to-date dictionaries do exist, and the classics departments at universities could within years produce teachers of Latin as a spoken language. However, Latin is by far not as simple as Esperanto. On the political side, Latin is much closer to the Romanic languages in southern Europe than to the Germanic languages in the north or the Slavonic languages in the east, thereby favouring a group of countries. Still, opposition to Latin might be surprisingly weak as many of the abstract and sophisticated words in almost every European language are derived from Latin, and its grammatical structures are extremely useful to understand the working of modern European languages. Hence, while the necessary effort to adapt to Latin would vary across countries, the benefits would be spread quite evenly. As opposed to Esperanto, it is not disputed that Latin is developed enough to fulfil all functions of an official language. As such, Latin would not be perceived as a newly created language, but rather as a reference and tribute to the important role that Latin played in European history. And finally, it is hard to imagine that Latin could become so popular that it threatens national languages. Most probably, Esperanto and Latin are the only serious candidates. Sooner or later, the Europeans will have to decide on this issue if they intend to take the European project further, and it can hardly be too early to start debating. Friedrich Poeschel is an Undergraduate Economic History Student. Smite 'n' Spite London School of Extremism AlykhanVelshi blink Coliimnist To say the LSE has influenced the course of history is an understatement; but, some prominent instances notwithstanding, the school's impact has largely been destructive. Nevertheless, let's start with the positive: LSE's professors. F. A. Hayek, whose classic Road to Serfdom is celebrating its 60th anniversary this week, cracially exposed the similarity between Socialism and Fascism; A.V. Dicey is still recognised as the most erudite English legal scholar ever; the literary genius of George Bernard Shaw is matched only by that of this fine paper's (also celebrating an anniversary, of sorts). For the bad, look no further than LSE alumni glitterati; George Soros retarded Third World development by several decades, and made billions doing ; it; Jacques Parizeau almost tore Canada apart; Jomo Kenyatta bankrupted Kenya and destabilised East Africa. r - ^ However, even more nefarious shadows have strolled down Houghton Street. Carlos the Jackal, the most (in)famous terrorist before Mr. bin Laden, was ; a hired gun (or grenade) for the world's most dastardly governments; he was also an alumni of the LSE. Whilst many of Carlos the Jackal's terror attacks seem commonplace by today's standards - ie: blowing up children - during his time, the Jackal was a pioneer in his field. He turned attacking civilians and terrorizing entire populations into an art form. UBS, KPMG, CltEford Chance, and countless others have been joined by al-Qaeda as institutions that recrait directly from the LSE. Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh, the al-Qaeda terrorist involved in the murder of Daniel Pearl (whose throat they slit on camera after forcing him to say he was Jewish), was an LSE student. A teacher fondly remembers that Saeed was "a good strong academic candidate and a very personable human being"; he had no interest in political activism. LSE, however, radicalised him; he joined the Islamic Society, where, in his own words, '"Bosnia Week' was observed and various documentary films on Bosnia were shown. One such film. The Destruction of a Nation, shook my heart." Soon afterwards, he joined the iihad in Bosnia and fell in with al-Qaeda. What is it about an LSE education that turns bright public schoolboys into terrorists? Houghton Street's heady activism; bathetic one-sided depictions of international conflicts; a professoriate that, in a strange bit of dissociation, encourages student radicalism. The "One Stockbroker is One Too Many" banner frequently seen on Houghton Street is perhaps gormless and trite, but is evidence of a deeper trend within the LSE. With an increasingly radicalised campus, a Students'Union that is planning on hiring a Permanent Campaigns officer (think Permanent Revolution, but without the baggage), the LSE is consolidating its position as the institution of choice for the world's urbane criminals. It gives new meaning to the slogan: Education is a Right; Not a Privilege. 14 blink The Beaver 16 March 2004 International International Correspondent: Anchit Sood (a.sood@lse.ac.uk) How God can be Relevant The Vedic tradition offers a way for God's will to be relevant... not through fear of the consequences but through being a wonderful suggestion. Nimesh Mistry Lorenzo Capitani's article On the (Ir)relevance of God raised some interesting issues about religion. The main point was that the existence of God is only relevant if we behave differently because of it. Firstly I would like to describe the background of my opinions on this. In the Vedic or Hindu perspective, there are two realms, the material and spiritual realm. Both realms are real. Himianity is imder the illusion that one can achieve ultimate happiness in the material realm. By definition this is impossible, since the material realm is limited by the four inevitable miseries of birth, old age, disease and eventually death. In the spiritual realm, particularly in the Kingdom of Godhead, eternal happiness can be fulfilled simply by loving exchange with God, be it as a friend, lover, parent or any other loving relationship. Using free wiU as a basis for arguing that we have no need to respect the will of God is an argument with certain flaws. First of all, in the Vedic consideration, we are not trying to obey God in the sense of a hateful dictator. God is the all-attractive personality, and hence our objective is to have a loving relationship with God -hence serving him is a beautiful thing. It is analogous to a mother and her baby - in no way is the baby controlling her actions, but simply due to her love for the baby, she will serve him like he is her master. Out of otir own free wiU, we decided to explore the material world, even though God explained to us the fact that there is terrible suffering in the form of the four miseries in this realm. It is in our interests to re-establish our loving relationship with God. Hence, God is under no obligation to force us to come back to him. His desire is that we come back to Him voluntarily. The fact that God has desires is compatible with his quality of omnipotence. If God has everything in unlimited quantities, then sxirely He has imlimited desires, and he has the capability of fulfilling those desires merely through his will. The amazing paradox is that by God's mercy we obtain free wiU, but since he is all knowing he knows exactly what we will choose to do with that free will. After all, he created our personality so he knows exactly what our desires are and what we are indined to do. Is it true that a perfect being woiiLd not have decided to create something outside 1 Don't fear God... love him/her. Him if he was perfect? Firstly nothing is outside God. God encompasses everything, hence the material world, although temporary, is within God's creation, hence within himself. It is another paradox that we carmot understand, God is within and without at the same time. The fact that we are all part of God yet we are not God is another such paradox. By definition, if CJod is aU knowing, then it makes perfect logical sense that we carmot understand and comprehend everything about his opulence - since we are not all knowing. In the Vedic tradition, in particular the song spoken by God himself 'Bhagavad-Gita', God guarantees eternal happiness simply if we live our Ufe devoting service unto Him. Capitani also argues that for God to be omnipotent, reality would be set up where 'there was no wrong that need be righted'. This reality does exist and according to the Vedic scriptures, that situation exists in the spiritual planets of God. The only reason God created such a material world of suffering is because we desired to leave him. Now we must realise that the path to Him is the only path to happiness. We all initially turn to God because we desire something. The entire process of spiritual self-realization is to realise that gradually as we devote service to God, we feel happy in performing that service. As this continues, we reach the point that we no longer are doing it to reach eternal happiness, but we are actually doing it to please God. This is the unconditional love that people search after constantiy in this material world. An example was given in one of the pastimes of Krishna. According to many Vedic scriptures, Krishna is God and he came down to the earth himself in order to preserve religiosity in this material world. 'God encompasses everything, hence the material world, although temporary, is within God's creation, hence within himself. It is another paradox that we cannot understand.' 'That is the standard that ail religious service should aspire to - unconditional love for God.' The pastime described Krishna experiencing a terrible headache. His friends and close associates asked him what to do in order to make his head feel better. Krishna replied 'Bring me the dirt built up on the soles of my devotee's feet and my headache will be cured'. His associates looked at each other in shock because there is a specific Vedic injunction that applying dirt to a divine being is a terrible sin, and one will suffer reincarnation to a lower being if one performs such a sin. The story ends with a gopi (a cowherd girl) applying the dirt from the soles of her feet to Krishna, simply because what mattered to her was not favourable reincarnation but the wellbeing of Krishna. That is the standard that all reUgious service should aspire to - unconditional love for God. It may be an ideal that seems downright impossible initially, but as one continues to render service to God, one should experience more and more love for Him until one is truly realized. Hence, the overall message of Capitani is still relevant - we must strive to follow God's suggestions otily if we feel they are right, not in fear of retribution. However, I have one adjustment. An important expression of love for someone is to trust them, and so an expression of our trust in God is to at least try and follow his suggestions regardless of how strange they may seem to be. Just as we may follow the strange advice of a close friend, simply because we believe he has our best interests at heart. It is a matter of trying God's suggestions and seeing the benefits. Nimesh Mistry is a First Year Anthropology Student and member of the Krishna Consciousness Society. The Beaver 16 March 2004 blink 15 International International Correspondent: Anchit Sood (a.sood@lse.ac.uk) In Defence of Pakistan's Nuclear Arsenal V-C Pakistan's nuclear arsenal helps prevent the standoff in Kashmir becoming another war. Jibran Saithi An article in last week's blink questioned whether Pakistan, as a state, had the capacity or need for a nuclear arsenal. I don't intend to become an apologist for Pakistan's nuclear escapades; but I think it is essential to keep the reasons for Pakistan's nuclear arsenal in mind when criticising it so thoroughly. 'Undeserving' nuclear nations aside, the issue must be placed in context of the remarkably fragile geo-political situation in South Asia, and the nuclear deterrent's part in keeping the peace. Mutually assured destruction has a proven track record in enforcing peace during troubled times. The cold war after all-remained just that due in no small measure to the mind bending numbers of nuclear tipped missiles on both sides of the iron curtain. The Indian sub-continent has proven no different. After India's testing of its first nuclear device in 1974, and Pakistan's subsequent nuclearization, the two states, despite the massive disparity in conventional forces, have essentially stood as military equals. Indeed, it was perhaps the only thing that restrained them from a full fledged war over Kargil. In fact, Abdul Kalam, India's president and former government scientist. Dr. Khan's peer, actually asserted that Kargil would have been the third full-scale war, had the nuclear weapons not acted as such a strong disincentive. A prevalent misconception is the that the relatively small nuclear arsenal of the two countries would not allow for a true enactment of MAD. Yet, estimates suggest that just 12 bombs dropped on the teeming cities of India and Pakistan could easily cause more than 30 Million fatalities, even without accounting for longer term deaths through radiation poisoning and increased cancer prevalence. It is doubtful whether either side would be in a position to further escalate the military conflict after these staggering losses. If there must be one less nuclear state, Pakistan should certainly not be the one coerced into disarming. With its smaller armed forces and lack of 'strategic depth' this key ally of the west would have the odds tilted horrendously against it without the security of its 'force equaliser'. Pakistan's nuclear program is actually as demure as they come, with only a small number of weapons, to be used in a strictly defensive situation. Its current strategic military plan only the reaffirms the government's stated policy of a 'minimum nuclear deterrent' capability. Analysing the policies of the N.C.C (A body of politicians and military personnel that hold the ultimate control over the nuclear arsenal), its easy to see that they have gone to great pains to ensure that Pakistan need hold only a very limited amount of bombs. Efforts have even extended to psychological warfare like the recent publishing of the nuclear engagement rules, an exercise no doubt designed to maximise the psychological effect of weapons of mass destruction. 'If there must be one less nuclear state, Pakistan should certainly not be the one coerced into disarming.' Pakistan's desperately small conventional quiver is evident from the recent decision to tip the Shaheen I missile systems with low yield tactical nuclear missiles. A primarily defensive measure that would act as an effective damper on belligerent moves by Indian mechanised columns on forward operating bases near the border. Although the yield and range of these missile systems would make then ineffective in an offensive capability, the low yield bombs would allow for more targeted use of nuclear weapons; muffling international public outcry in the event of their use. This would probably stop any invasion in its tracks, but the fact that Pakistan has to rely on nuclear weapons to repulse even an armoured assault illustrates what a difficult situation it faces in its standoff against its mammoth rival. By playing its cards well, the N.C.C has tried to ensure that the risks are high for even a limited military adventure by India, so that another dispute such as Kargil now seems unlikely. It is obvious then, that removing Pakistan's right to possess a nuclear capability given the delicate jnili- Pakistan's nuclear arsenal is necessary to counter-act the massive Indian advantage in conventional forces. Unpleasant as weapons of mass destruction may seem they are a force for stability in the sub-continent tary balance in the region could only spell disaster. Without the bomb, Pakistan would essentially be left undefended, and territorial disputes with India could easily lead to outbreak of war. I think it is also pertinent to discuss whether we would indeed have the power to 'withdraw' the nuclear capability in the first place. Short of an unfathomable direct cruise missile strike, there seems little prospect of Pakistan choosing to relinquish control over its capabilities. Despite the dreams of the anti-nuclear protesters and their ilk, it is essential to realise that nuclear weapons are here to stay; especially in that part of the world. Thanks in no small measure to a backlash against the anti-proliferation initiatives of the developed countries public sentiment is solidly behind the weapons of mass destruction - a forbidden fruit syndrome if you will. It is easy to underestimate the national affection showered on the bomb and its creators. With mock bombs and missiles being taken out in processions, kissed and blessed unnervingly often. There is after all, little to be proud of amongst the abjectly poor and starving millions of the subcontinent. This cult status of the nuclear arsenals means that axing the programs would be a suicidal decision. Forcing Mushraff, in these circumstances to roU back the program would not only probably spell the end of his progressive government, but also be catastrophic for a large number of essential initiatives undertaken under his auspices, including his imyielding support of the war on terror and even preliminary steps towards the formal recognition of Israel. As ironic as it might be, the bombs may have actually moved the two sides closer to an agreement. As remote as the situation may be, the prospect of a mushroom cloud over the Indian subcontinent has done much to further peace talks between the two (until veiy recently) arch rivals. This has come about primarily through stiff international political pressure and the realisation of the futility of further spending on conventional defences. Pakistan without the bomb would be a nation in peril. Despite their failings, we may have Weapons of Mass Destruction to thank for more than we ever imagined. Jibran Saithi is a First Year Economics Student. 16 blink The Beaver 16 March 2004 Food Easter Food A Rabbit... not rarebit. Sarah Barber Lent is nearly over, we will all be detoxed and entitled to stuff our faces, drink ourselves into an early grave and sleep with everything in sight. That's one of the great things about not believing, it is possible to do all that stuff all year round. I don't think anyone I know has sacrificed much this year (although we all indulged in pancakes in preparation for sacrifice) but somehow we all feel Easter's a time we can indulge ourselves. Chocolate seems to have taken over Easter for most of us, already at home my little brother has an enviable collection of chocolate eggs and bunnies. The sales of chocolate eggs at Easter accoimts for 8% of all chocolate sold a year, quite a lot to be eating in one morning. Hot cross buns, now there's another story, they don't seem to have the ssime universal appeal that the chocolate does but those that love them do so with a passion. They are meant to ward off evil, stay fresh for a year and kill rats; an interesting way to attempt to get rid of a rodent problem. There is a pub on Devon's road in Bow Ccdled "The Widow's son," a name devoted to the belief in the power of hot cross buns. The story goes that a young sailor on his very first voyage to sea, was lost in a shipwreck and his mother mourned the loss of her son for years after. In his memoiy the lady baked a hot cross bun eveiy Good Eriday for him, eind hung it on a cord from the ceiling, until there were hundreds. Years later when the lady had died and her house had been demolished the pub adopted the collection of buns, and the name, and continued to add a hot cross bim every year. Perhaps more than chocolate and Simnel cake and hot cross buns the most important food at Easter time is the humble egg. It is so taken for granted and yet doing research for this piece I have found thousands of recipes and stories devoted to it. I have done some practicing with the stuff I write here so I hope it works as well for anyone who tries it. I think eggs are Spaghetti Carbonara (serves 2) ' / *1 1 one of the most healthy, well rounded foods there is, and more importantly so does Delia. She starts with eggs at the beginning of her 'How to cook' books and so I feel I'm in safe territory. The thing here is that there is so much to do with eggs and you don't need loads of pans and utensils. Try this, next time you wake up on Thursday morning post sports night, with your head pounding and that feeling of horror that it could have been you singing "I need a Hero," make soothing scrambled eggs for breakfast. Crack two eggs into a bowl, jug, mug, empty ashtray or whatever's to hand. Add a little milk, water or cream and put in the microwave for 30 seconds, stir, another 30 seconds and stir again and then if you like well done scrambled eggs another 20 seconds. Think of how impressed that random next to you in bed wiU be. Another breakfast, my absolute favourite and aU time top answer to the classy and imder rated chat up line, "how do you like your eggs on a morning?" is Eggs Benedict. Admittedly it is more high maintenance than scrambled eggs, but I'm a bit of a high maintenance girl. Lightly toast the English muffin on which you will put your crispy bacon, poached egg (something I confess I haven't mastered- my whites go everywhere) and then hoUandaise, which I buy in a jeir. Making hollandaise on a morning is just too angelic. There is something so satisfying about Eggs Benedict for breakfast at two in the afternoon. Back to Easter, there are two methods of achieving the perfect Easter eggs. You can blow them, not oral pleasure for the egg, rather shaking to break the yolk, making a hole in the top and bottom of the sheU with a needle then blowing through one hole out of the other, or hard boil them for about 10 minutes. You can then paint them pretty colours and roll them dovra hills or I think another tradition is to bash them against your mates' eggs. Just take heart in.the fact that all is ok in the world; on Good Friday George Bush will be rolling eggs around the garden of the white house with kids aU day. Bless. Spaghetti Carbonara. I wanted to include a recipe using eggs and although there was lots of choice, this is one of my favourites. I have priced up how much the recipe costs using the traditional ingredients. All you need for this recipe is a frying pan and a pan to boil pasta in. If you don't have a tablespoon, just use a dessertspoon and double the amounts. It is really simple, only takes ten minutes but will impress. Ingredients 2 whole eggs 2 egg yolks Handful of chopped pancetta (I always use streaky bacon) 4 tablespoons double cream 4 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese Pasta for two Salt and pepper 1) Put the pasta on to boil, it should take about 10 minutes. Please make sure the water is well salted and it is boiling BEFORE you add the pasta, men especially never do this, it's a pet hate of mine, be patient. 2) Put the chopped up bacon in a frying pan over a high heat and cook till crispy. You can use some oil but there is so much fat in the streaky bacon that it isn't reaUy necessary. 3) While bacon is crisping up put double cream, Parmesan and eggs into a bowl, season well and stir. 4) When pasta has finished cooking, drain and put back in the hot pan. Add the bacon pieces and then the creamy mixture to the pan. 5)Stir the sauce through the pasta and the residual heat in the pan should cook the sauce through. This should only take 20 seconds, don't leave it in for too long and keep it moving. The sauce should be creamy and coating the pasta, not lumpy and drying up, although if it does, it will 'There are two methods of achieving the perfect Easter eggs. You can blow them, not oral pleasure for the egg, rather shaking to break the yolk, making a hole in the top and bottom of the shell with a needle then blowing through one hole out of the other.' still taste ok. 6) Serve straight away with a little extra Parmesan and seasoning and a Perotii on the side. £2.90 per serving based on ingredients from Sainsburys. I always use freshly grated Parmesan but it can be pricey, if you want something cheaper, try the already grated packs in the supermarket, (the ones in the cooler section, not those on the shelf- they are truly awful) Or, you could try using a mature Cheddar, it won't be an authentic Italian flavour but it will taste good. If you are feeling especially good and own a whisk, make meringues with the leftover egg whites, by whisking till bubbly then adding 2 tablespoons of sugar for every egg white. Then whisk till when you take the whisk out of the mixture it makes glossy white points then make blobs on a greased baking tray, put in oven at 200c till golden on top, serve with fruit and your leftover double cream. The Beaver 16 March 2004 blink 17 Politics Saddam and Amin: Lessons Forgotten Similarities between the reconstructions of Iraq and Uganda abound, but will they share the same political fate? Elliott Green It is now nearing a year since the invasion of Iraq and the transformation of that country under American rule began. While much has been written in the mean time about Iraq's reconstruction, little has been made of a very apt comparison with the reconstruction of Uganda after the faU of Idi Amin 1979. This is ironic, since last year commentators such as Lord Meghnad Desai, Frederick Forsyth, Christopher Kitchens, Nobel Peace Ffee recipient Jose Ramos-Horta and former Mail on Sunday editor Steward Steven were more than happy to compare Tanzania's invasion and overthrow of Amin with the conquest of Iraq. They argued then that both invasions were illegal according to international law but had good consequences nonetheless. Yet when it comes to the rebuilding of Iraq both pundits and politicians have ignored Uganda in favour of the more positive examples of Germany and Japan. Of course, as WiU Hutton pointed out last year in the Observer, 'Iraq, it is obvious, is not in the same situation as post-war Germany or Japan. Rather, the entire apparatus of a capitalist democracy has to be painfully created from scratch - an exercise in state building from outside on a scale that has never been attempted before.' But Hutton also neglects Uganda, which was about as far away from a capitalist democracy in 1979 as any country could be. It is therefore high time the Ugandan case is examined in detail to see what it can show us about the future of Iraq. After eight years of destroying Uganda, Amin launched a hapless invasion of northwest Tanzania in October 1978. His move backfired, leading to a counter-invasion by the Tanzanian army which managed to work their way to the Ugandan capital of Kampala in short speed. Amin flew to Libya in April 1979, leaving Tanzania in sole charge of the coimtty. Yet problems with the 10,000 Tanzanian troops occupying Uganda - who were unsupported by any significant UN force, as with Iraq today - began almost immediately. While initially welcomed as an obvious improvement over Amin's thuggish soldiers, the soldiers were 'looting houses and demanding money at gunpoint,' ex-President Yusuf Lule claimed, a point confirmed by Gregory Jajmes of the New York Times, who wrote that the Tanzanians 'use their weapons to commandeer their basic needs from civilians.' Furthermore, thousands of oeoole in Uganda had a difiicult transition from dictatorship. 'Muwanga halted the counting and took charge of the situation, claiming that no results would be announced until he had personally endorsed them. Thanks to international pressure he reversed this decision a day later.' the northeast part of Uganda starved to death since the Tanzanian troops could not ensiu-e the safety of UN food relief deliveries, and the Tanzanians were also unable to prevent pro-Amin rebels from Sudan and Zaire from invading and occupying the north-western part of the coimtry. Again, the parallels with contemporary Iraq should be obvious, with both child malnutrition and infant mortality doubling since the war began while unknown numbers of foreign terrorists continue to enter the country through porous borders. Politically, the fact that Uganda's former President Milton Obote had spent the Amin years in the Tanzanian capital of Dar es Salaam made many Ugandans immediately suspicious of Nyerere, whom they suspected wanted to re-install Obote as President - thus paralleling the Iraqi distrust of Paul Wolfowitz's favourite son, Ahmad Chalabi. It was in any case immediately apparent that Nyerere held ultimate power over the provisional Ugandan government that took over after Amin fled. The first post-conflict president, the aforementioned Professor Lule, claimed that he was overthrown after only 68 days in office because he wanted Tanzanian troops to leave. When Lule's successor Godfrey Binaisa tried to dismiss the pro-Obote minister Paulo Muwanga from his government in February 1980, Nyerere forced Binaisa to give Muwanga another cabinet post; three months later Binaisa himself was dismissed for trying to replace yet another Obote supporter. Muwanga then took the reigns for the rest of the year as the country prepared for elections which, most observers agreed, had little chance of real legitimacy due to the chaotic condition of the country. At the time The Economist noted that 'the government's control over the countryside is tenuous; regional administration barely exists; banditry is rife.' Sound familiar? The election took place in December 1980, twenty months after the overthrow of Amin - exactly as long as it wiU be in Iraq if elections are held at the end of this year, as called for by Kofi. Annsin. The leader of one of the four political parties involved, the future and cuiii?ent president of Uganda Yoweri Museveni, attempted to have the election declared illegal since both Obote and Nyerere had already ensured who the winner would be: not only had Muwanga replaced the country's chief Supreme Court justice with one of Obote's former ministers, but, in 17 of the country's 126 constituencies members of Obote's Uganda People's Congress Party (UPC) ran unopposed, thanks to intimidation and violence directed against opposition politicians. The election itself was a sight to behold. Many residents of the capital city, Kampala, whose residents were largely anti-Obote, had to wait up to 18 hours to vote because the polling stations did not have enough ballots or boxes. When the results started to come in that the largest opposition party, the Democratic Party, was doing weU upcountry, Muwanga halted the counting and took charge of the situation, claiming that no results would be announced until he had personally endorsed them. Thanks to international pressure he reversed this decision a day later, but only after his work had seen the UPC regain the lead. And so on: one member of the Commonwealth team there to observe the elections claimed that 'the election conmiission is the most incompetent that I've ever seen.' After the election Obote went on to rule Uganda for another 4 V2 years before being deposed in yet another coup d'etat. Even before the Tanzanian troops left - accused of banditry and cattle-stealing through the end of their stay - Yoweri Museveni had started a rebellion in the central area of the country in response to the corrupt election. The ill-trained Ugandan Army took over from the Tanzanians, and initiated a slaughter of the region's inhabitants, the Baganda, that ended up killing roughly the same number of Ugandans as were murdered under Amin - some 200,000 to 300,000 people -but in half the time, thereby making Obote twice the killer that Amin was. Yet comparatively little of this massive violence reached the Western press, largely for two reasons. First, Obote did not eat his captives, as Amin was (incorrectly) reputed to do, and his drinking problems and age did not make him as media-friendly as the buffoonish and boyish Amin. Second, Obote's acceptance of Ugjinda's first Structural Adjustment Program and IMF loans in 1982 endeared him to the West and was therefore given breathing room to carry out his massacres quietly. It was only thanks to the 1986 victory of Museveni and his National Resistance Army, imsupported by any outside forces for most of its campaign, that Obote and his bloodthirsty army were ousted. Of course, one wouldn't expect glib media commentators to remember the details of post-Amin Uganda, just as many also seem unaware and uninterested in the intricacies of post-TaUban Afghanistan. They continue to ask the eternally popular question, namely whether Iraq is better off without Saddam Hussein or not. The problem is, of coxirse, that trying to answer such a question is ultimately specious; as the New York Times noted in November 1980, 'a year ago, the question given most currency in Uganda was whether it was actually better off without Amin. It is not asked quite so often now, but is still not easy to answer.' Indeed - although one wonders what the response would have been had the question been asked oiJy a couple of years later when Obote and his army was in the midst of their massacres. In the end one must avoid such an easy and popular question and instead ask a more difficult one, namely whether the Iraqi people wiU be allowed to select their future government without it being decided for them by the US. In answering this question one can only hope that post-Saddam Iraq will be spared the fate of post-Amin Uganda. Elliott Green is a PhD candidate in Development Studies at the London School of Economics. He is writing his dissertation on ethnicity and politics in Uganda since 1986. IS blink The Beaver 16 March 2004 Rolitlcs A Single State Provides the Best Framework for Peace in the Middle East TWO BLINK ARTICLES TAKE VERY DIFFERENT VIEWS ON PROPOSALS Saifedean Ammous and ISEiniv Stopnitzky The time has come for a radical reframing of how we understand the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. Until now the debate about how 'peace' can be achieved in the Middle East has been dominated by the notion of two states-one Palestinian state and one Israeli. This premise, it is argued here, is fataUy flawed both in theory and practice for it necessitates the systematic privileging of one social group over another. This general structure of relative privilege and exclusion has been upheld, until now, by sheer power. Any two state settlement would only institutionalise further these exclu-sivist claims to land, again backed by power. There does not exist any p>ossible border, along the so-called Green Line or otherwise, that could rectify the moral contradictions that inhere in making exclusivist, identity-based claims to land. The principal characteristic of all negotiations between Palestioians and Israelis is a dramatic asymmetry of power. On the one hand, Israel possesses imconditional military dominance, both regionally and vis-a-vis the Palestinians. On the other hand, the Pcdestinian population suffers imder constsmt and brutal military occupation. 'Peace' negotiations occur against this horrible imbalance. These negotiations assume a win-lose scenario that is perhaps best expressed by then Minister of Interior, Ehud Barak: "The Oslo process ensiires Israel's absolute superiority in both the military and economic fields." It is virtually impossible to imagine that a just peace can be negotiated in this way, something Nelson Mandela duly recognised. "Only free men can negotiate," he said. The problem of the Palestinian refugees also poses serious problems for any two state settlement. Even were the borders of a Palestinian state to be drawn along the Green Line (the internationally recognized borders on Jime 5,1967), such a settlement would stUl violate the legal and inalienable rights of the refugees, roughly one third of the Palestinian population. The 700,000 Palestinians who were dispossessed in 1948 after the creation of the state of Israel cannot return to their homes, for which many still have deeds. This right of return for Palestinian refugees cannot be extinguished, legally, by any treaty or negotiated settlement. It is irrevocable and stands in the way of any attempt at a legal settlement in the shape of two states. Further, the two state solution faces the problem of the approximately 450,000 illegal Jewish settlers in the West Bank and Gaza that would need to be relocated in order for a viable Palestinian state to exist. In a sense, transferring the settlers, although they are illegal occupants of Palestinian l£uid, is itself a form of ethnic cleansing, and would impair moves toward 'p)eace'. Were a two state solution to be impwsed (or negotiated), Israel would continue to fimction as an exclusivist democracy, and the 20% Arab minority would still find themselves victims of restrictive laws that prevent the purchase of homes in Jewish areas and would continue to receive sec-ond-class services and infrastructure. It is indefensible that a country that purports to be a liberal democracy can maintain laws that discriminate between its citizenry on religious and ethnic lines. Understanding this Arab minority group is central to grasping the fundamental contradiction of the Israeli state. For example, they are widely referred to inside Israel as a 'demographic problem', as in recent statements by Israeli Foreign Minister Netanyahu: "We have a demographic problem, but it lies not with the Palestinian Arabs, but with the Israeli Arabs. If Israel's Arabs become well integrated and reach 35-45 percent of the population, there wUl no longer be a Jewish state." Given the reality of this large and growing Arab minority, Israel will be forced to rely upon increasingly draconian measures in order to maintain its 'Jewish character'. Lastiy, there is the issue of what form would emerge for the Palestinian state. The most 'generous' of 'peace' deals so far, for instance, offered the Palestinians a state comprised by discontinuous cind ban-tustanised pieces of land with Israeli control over its borders, resources, and airspace. The Palestinian state to emerge would have been divided into four separate areas, three in the West Bank and one in Gaza, with all movement from one area to another controlled by Israel. Such a state would be unlike any other state in the world and would not satisfy the legitimate Pcdestinisin claim to national self-determination. Peace cannot come from such a vision. Whereas the two state solution contains these irredeemable flaws, the one state solution offers the real possibility of a peace based upon the principles of justice, equality and rights. Beginning from the assumption of the fundamental equality of all humsms, this one secular and democratic state would not discriminate on the basis of religion, race, gender, or ethnicity. Within this one state framework, the state apparatus would disaUow all exclusivist claims. The need to contain a 'demographic threat' vanishes. Resoxirces would be managed according to need and not to ethnicity or religion. This fairness and equity will foster widespread economic development of agriculture and industry. The Arabs of Israel find their second-class citizenship enhanced. Jewish settlers can stay in their settlements, some of which have been in place for decades. All religious denominations would have open access to aU religious sites. Palestinians uprooted from their homes can return to their homeland. Contrary to many Zionist claims, allowing such a return would not imply any Jewish dispossession. Where there are two conflicting claims to property, this conflict over property rights can be settled by an agreed upon mechanism for reparations, much like property rights claims by Jews have been addressed by European government. Most importantiy, the single state will promote freedom, justice and equality for aU, and in so doing, will begin to dismantie the barriers of hatred and divisions between peoples. Hatred is a social construct and is not an innate characteristic of Jews or Arabs. As such, it can be unlearned under the right conditions, such as formal equality and full citizenship in a shared national project. One frequent argument against a one state solution is that it would deprive Jews of a national homelemd, and make them vulnerable to anti-Semitism. This is false. Jews in New York are not safe because they have Israel to protect them, but because a strong state protects the rights of aU its citizens, by and large. Another criticism may be that the idea of one democratic state in historic Palestine is Utopian. In an important sense, however, the opposite is in fact true. It is idealistic for people to believe Israel can continue its current project of religious Eind ethnic-cased exclusivism, systematically subordinating the non-Jewish, and discriminating against increasingly large segments of its population. This strategy has failed to provide security to Israelis. One can draw an important parallel with South Africa, as the situation of maintaining control over another ethnic group necessitated increasingly violent means. As in South Africa, it is time to reframe the discussion using the discourse of rights and citizenship. This is not about the power of eirms. This must be a moral struggle for freedom, fuU and equal rights for all, and the inviolable humanity of aU people. This is the basis by which lasting peace and justice can be secured. The Beaver 16 March 2004 blink 19 Politics FOR A SINGLE STATE SOLUTION TO TROUBLES IN THE MIDDLE EAST The Myth of Justice for All: the Failure of the 'One-State Solution' Ben Harris and Dan Kapner It is perhaps testament to the dearth of original thinking in politics that old and discredited ideas are routinely resuscitated and repackaged as novelties. Case in point is the 'one-state solution' to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, an idea that has enjoyed a renaissance of sorts in recent months and is now the focus of a concerted advocacy campaign by tvi^o LSE students, spurred on by a grant from the University. In a recent presentation on the subject, the two students focused the bulk of their energies not on a positive and well-thought out argument in favour of a one-state solution, but on the poverty of the alternative two-state solution, with particular emphasis on the inherent moral and political illegitimacy of the state of Israel. In so doing, they presented nothing of any originality or intellectual vigour, preferring instead to rely on epithets that Israel is 'racist' and an 'apartheid state,' labels that are as offensive as they are imsustainable. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is about many things, but race is not one of them. Indeed, Israelis and Palestinians are separated by virtually everything except race. Over a million Israelis are themselves Arabs who enjoy the same rights as Jews. The Jewish community itself is multiracial - there are black Jews, white Jews, Asian Jews, and Arab Jews. Are there problems of discrimination and inequality in Israel? No doubt. But what multi-ethnic liberal democracy doesn't have such problems? The fault lines within Israeli society are manifold and they are deep, but in no meaningful way can they be said to correspond with race. How about 'apartheid,' now so often associated with the security fence Israel is building to protect itself from suicide bombers? While the word is of unparalleled utility as a pejorative, it requires a considerable degree of political myopia and moral imagination to actually believe that Israel is spending billions to build a waU in the West Bank to keep out individuals whose skin is a darker hue. For the sake of argument though, let's assume that Israel is as racist as the critics contend. If the Jewish state - with its democratic institutions, independent judiciary, and the relentless scrutiny of the outside world - discriminates against its non-Jewish minority, what will guarantee that a state in which the Palestinians are the majority will not? The fact is the Palestinian Authority has institutionalized hatred (with funds provided by the Europeans no less). Palestinian television, educational curricula, and religious leaders have cultivated an atmosphere of Jew-hatred so profoimd that age-old forms of European anti-Semitism have found new fertile ground. Therein lies the hypocrisy of their argument. It is simple-minded fantasy to believe that some vague rhetoric about the universalism of human rights is sufficient to protect the Jewish population in a single bi-national state. But aU of this obscures a much deeper issue, and that is the willingness of indi- viduals ostensibly acting in the name of human rights to sacrifice the fundamental right of the Jewish people to a state. As much as the advocates of a one-state solution have cloaked their rhetoric in univer-saUst garb, their ultimate objective is nothing other than the dismantling of the state of Israel and its replacement with Greater Palestine. In less than a generation, there will be more Palestinians than Jews between the Jordan and the Mediterranean. This is not a compromise, but a total capitulation to the Palestinians. Indeed it replaces one vulnerable minority with another. And only a bigot could believe that the Pcdestinians are entitled to a state but the Jewish people are not. This hidden agenda explains why so many Palestinian arch-nationalists are suddenly so fond of the one-state solution. Is anyone gullible enough to believe that an autocrat like Yasser Arafat is now calling for a one state because he has abruptly become a progressive liberal democrat? Palestinian leaders are embracing the idea because they recognize what naive LSE students do not - that the establishment of a single state between Jordan and the Mediterranean is but another step on the road to the liberation of historic Palestine and the fulfilment of the Palestinian nationalist dream. This fact alone should give pause to those who see themselves as the vanguard of the post-nationalist era in the Middle East. Apostles of universalism must be consistent - either Israelis and Palestinians get their own state, or neither do. It is one thing to argue that nation-states are atavistic creatures of a bygone era. But it is quite another to suggest that the first nation-state to be sacrificed on the altar of cosmopolitanism should be the embattled state of Israel. If the critics of nationalism wish to hasten the onset of the cosmopolitan era, let them begin by dismantling a state with no existential enemies and whose people are in no mortal danger (France, perhaps?). When all these arguments fail, the one-state faithful play their trump card - justice. The most 'just' solution, they argue, is one in which the two communities are joined in one state with equal rights. But justice is a relative concept, not an absolute one. There can be no absolute justice for the thousands of Israeli victims of terrorist bombings, nor for the Palestinians who have lost and suffered just as terribly as a consequence of the con^ct. Justice for some may entail injustice for others, which is on balance not justice at aU. If we are ever to achieve a true compromise, we will have to relativize our concept of justice. Both parties to this conflict have suffered, and both have rights that must be actualized - for the Palestinians, independence and self-determination; for the Jews, peace and security. Neither justice nor peace is served by dismantling the only Jewish state in the world. Only by respecting the basic right of both peoples to self-determination in their own independent states can we hope to build a future that is peaceful and secure. 20 blink The Beaver 16 March 2004 Politics It's Only a Bloody Game **5.."? IE '>«cy Dark clouds are forming over Zimbabwean cricket. \^11 Macfarlane Last Wednesday the International Cricket Council (ICC) announced that the England Cricket Board (ECB) will face a minimiun fine of $2m and possible suspension from the sport's governing body should it faU to honour its scheduled tour to Zimbabwe this autumn. This is the latest development in the long-running debate over Zimbabwe's suitability as a host nation for international cricket \mder the tyrannical, torturous and corrupt rule of Robert Mugabe. Last year England forfeited their World Cup fixture in Harare, Zimbabwe's capital city, citing 'safety considerations' as their reason for refusing to travel. Nevertheless, few doubted that player concerns and public doubts over the morality of competing in the nation were of paramount importance. In Zimbabwe millions of people are starving and the government continues to use repressive legislation, arbitrary arrest and torture to restrict the rights to freedom of expression, association, and assembly of its citizens (Amnesty International). Cricket has taken on a great significance due to Mugabe's role as patron of the Zimbabwe Cricket Union (ZCU) and his past successes in claiming approval and endorsement from nation's - especially England's - tours to the country. Without doubt, especially following the high-pro- file media debate in this country, Mugabe would win a significant victory were England to travel there later this year. Pro-democracy and human rights groups, as weU as leading Zimbabwean cricketers past and present, have led the calls for a boycott. Yet the ICC and several other test match nation's governing bodies have turned a blind-eye to these calls and to the moral issues and political considerations of touring Zimbabwe.The bottom-line, as in most sports, is money; England are a big ticket wherever they travel and the struggling ZCU are determined to campaign that the ECB honour its scheduled tour. Furthermore, the ICC has grown increasingly frustrated with English indecision on the issue at a time when they are trying to implement a five-year international fixture calendar. Their latest threats are a clear move to force the ECB to commit to the tour or face increasing isolation in world cricket. : However, making a strong statement against a disgraced and undemocratic regime is surely of greater importance than an already overcrowded international fixture-list. Furthermore, financial considerations for the ZCU, an organisation which continues to prop-up Mugabe's profile, must surely be put to one side i£ touring requires the saluting of an illegitimate ruler clinging to power through electoral fraud, and the torturing and murder of his poUtical opponents. These arguments should be enough to lead to the ICC suspending aU international cricket in Zimbabwe and condemning its undemocratic government. However, in spite of the ignorance of the sport's global governing council and national bodies such as the Australian Cricket Board, the ECB should act imUateraUy and would stiU make a decisive stand by doing so. There is individual importance with England. As the former governing country its role in establishing Zimbabwe's political and judicial infrastructure was critical, and its withdrawal of support for these institutions in their current form would be significant. Yet the current British government and the Foreign & Commonwealth Office has neglected supporting the ECB throughout this controversy. Despite repeated pleas from players and officials within the ECB and movements in Parliament - the Shadow Foreign Secretary Michael Ancram introduced an Early Day Motion on the issue in late-2003 - the Foreign Office has repeatedly shirked its responsibility not only to the England cricket team, but also to the people of Zimbabwe. As significant as a sporting boycott of Zimbabwe would prove, restrictions on trade, and sanctions against the companies and individuals bankrolling Mugabe and his regime would ultimately prove most effective in pressurising the Zimbabwean gov- By cancelling their tour to Zimbabwe England's cricketers can send an important moral mesage. ernment into reform. It is puzzling and disappointing considering Mugabe's hostile reaction to Zimbabwe's suspension from the Commonwealth that a more decisive policy from the British government has not followed. Indeed this would greatly ease the ECB's awkward predicament, as the ICC has made it explicitly clear that it will not punish nations restricted from toijring by their national government, as had been the case for several years until recently for the Indian team with regard to Pakistan. This factor only makes the British government's reluctance to stand-up on the issue of Zimbabwe even more deplorable, but does nothing to excuse the stance taken by the ICC in deciding sport, it's own financial health and tackling English 'arrogance' to be more important than the most blatant of human right's abuses. The ECB shoxild in fact be applauded for continually raising moral questions concerning this tour of Zimbabwe despite support from neither its own government nor its own sport's governing body. Sport exists in the real world and despite its enormous personal importance to so many around the globe and its significant economic benefits, its administrators need to ensure that it remains a force for good and cannot be manipulated by those with ulterior motives. The case of Zimbabwe is a clear example where sport needs to take a moral stand, because the only alternative is endorsing the unacceptable. The same was necessary in South Africa during the years of apartheid when a sporting boycott demonstrated to the world the despicable nature of that oppressive regime. The reluctance of sport's governors to act in the same manner over Zimbabwe at the present time is an indictment on the decline in moral-consciousness and social responsi-biUty in modem sport. Will McFarlane is a 3rd Year Government and History Student and will be next years General Secretary. The Top 5 Places at LSE to... Sleep Kati Krause and Ajay Patel 5. Orange Armchairs in the Library Marvelously comfy. If the atmosphere of exaggerated studiousness distracts you, simply grab an edition of "The Accounting Historians Journal", and you'll be knocked out before you get past the Contents page. Definitely recommended for a little recreational study-break. 4. Lincoln's Inn Fields Only a viable option from late April onwards. Break out of the concrete caves and enjoy dozing off lying on soft grass, Us-tening to the soothing sounds of singing birds, and being warmed up by the beautiful spring sun. Quite a popular option during exam period among the slackers and geniuses. 3. 9 O'clock Lectures Let's face it: can you stay awake for an entire hour? 2. Law Study Room Located on the 2nd floor of the Old Building, this is the best place for a sleep-over. Live in Croxley, Cricklewood or Clapham and have an early class next day? 'Live in Croxley, Cricklewood or Clapham and have an early class next day? No worries, just push together some chairs and stay over - it's open all night!' No worries, just push together some chairs and stay over - it's open all night! You can even go and have a shower in the gym in the morning, be the first to have a Brunch Bowl Ftdl English Breakfast and save a study space in the library. 1. The Shaw Library The obvious choice - it is virtually impossible not to fall asleep sitting in one of those wonderful huge old armchairs, the absolute silence only interrupted once in a while by a suppressed cough or the creaking of the wooden floorboards when someone is drowsily sneaking towards the exit. Moreover, it has been informally declared the 'no-disturbance zone' at LSE; people even get punished by angiy looks for failing to turn the page of their newspaper completely noiselessly. This is THE best place for a quick after-lunch nap or if you have some catching-up from the previous night to do. People sleepin his library. The Beaver 16 March 2004 blink 21 Law Law Correspondent; Stephen Gurman (s.d.gurman@lse.ac.uk) Ending Slavery --,"1 Fized nets in Morecambe Bay... a calmer moment. Anna Protano-Biggs On Februaiy 5th 2004 20 Chinese cockle pickers were found drowned in Morecambe Bay. Morecambe Bay is known for its dangerous and unpredictable tides but cockle picking is free and the trade is worth about £6 million per year. Cockle picking is dominated by gang masters who use cheap labour paying per bag collected which forces workers to keep going whatever the conditions. The average wage for a cockle picker is just £1 per nine hour shift. A week later 54 Greek migrant workers were found in Cornwall where they had been subjected to forced labour conditions. They were reported to be living in appalling conditions and having to work ten hour shifts picking flowers. When they demanded their pay they were allegedly threatened and told that they had to pay 1500 euro each before they would receive any money. They were also prevented from leaving. Situations like that of Morecambe Bay and Cornwall are not unusual. Home Office statistics suggest there are an estimated 60,000 migrant workers employed by illegal gangs in the UK alone. Many of those were brought to the UK through use of violence, deception or coercion for the purpose of forced labour, servitude or slavery-like practices. This is human trafficking and one of the most lucrative forms of international crime. Traffickers control their freedom of movement, where and when they will work and what pay, if any, they will receive. Reliable statistics are difficult to obtain in this area due to the underground nature of the activity but a US Government Report in 2003 estimated that at least 800,000-900,000 people worldwide are trafficked each year. The UN adopted a Protocol on this area in November 2000: the UN Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking in Persons, Especially Women and Children. It represents the first internationally agreed definition of trafficking, distinguishing it from those who facilitate smuggling. Traffickers are those who use "force, deception or coercion" in order to transport people "for the purpose of exploitation" whereas smuggling is "assisting someone for a fee to cross a border illegally". The victim's consent is irrelevant where there has been any coercion, intimidation or deception. The Protocol highlights what is in effect a modem day slave-trade. Current laws in the UK do not distinguish clearly between trafficking, smuggling migrants and prostitution. The UK has no specific anti-trafficking law and traffickers are usually punished under laws relating to pimping and immigration offences. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 did make trafficking for sexual exploitation an offence but the Government still has to legislate to prohibit trafficking for labour exploitation in order to bring its domestic legislation in line with the UN Protocol. In 2001 the EU began the process of reflecting the new UN Protocol in its law and practice. It has adopted a Framework Decision on Combating Trafficking in Human Beings which sets out to introduce a common definition of what constitutes trafficking in all 15 member states. However, the decision lacks legal force and fails to look at what needs to be done to protect and assist victims of trafficking or slavery. There remains a lack of consensus about what shoiJ.d be done on behalf of the victims, mainly women and children, particularly what positive obligations states and governments have towards these victims once they have regained their freedom. The EU Framework Decision recognises the need to uphold the law by seeking to prosecute traffickers but this is not enough. Non-govemmental organisations, 'Current laws in the UK do not distinguish clearly between trafficking, smuggling migrants and prostitution. The UK has no specific anti-trafficking law and traffickers are usually punished under laws relating to pimping and immigration offences.' 'Slavery, one of the oldest forms of abuse of human beings by other humans, is considered by many to be a thing of the past. This is simply not true.' such as Anti-Slavery International, believe a government's responsibility goes much further. Governments need to start by conducting primary research into the full extent of the problem and the different methods of trafficking. There also needs to be the introduction of adequate specific legislation relating to trafficking and the seriousness of the crime. Victims should be provided with safe houses, counselling, independent legal advice, permanent residency for aU at risk, and help with integration into society. There needs to be better immigration checks on arrival with closer monitoring of suspected repeat offenders. Campaigns have to be used to better inter-agency work and raise awareness among the general public as weU. Finally, trafficking is often related to conditions of poverty, poor employment opportxinities and imstable countries.. It is vital to address these areas as well. Slavery, one of the oldest forms of abuse of human beings by other himians, is considered by many to be a thing of the past. This is simply not true. It is happening, not just in the developing world, but here in the UK and EU. Slavery in the 21st Century has been portrayed as a by-prod-uct of globalisation and capitalism but it goes far deeper than this. It is a serious pattern of gross violations of human rights which we have seen before and will continue to see until the world starts to truly address the problem and rebalance society's riches. It is not enough to condemn trafficking, the causes need to be eliminated and proper protection and support given to victims. Human trafficking or slavery may still exist in the 21st Century, positive state action must be taken to ensure it does not continue into the next. Anna Protano-Biggs is an Undergraduate student and has recently been elected to the LSESlTs Constitution and Steering Committee. 22 B:music The Beaver 16 March 2004 B:art p. 2'j-27 - P. 2S 8:litefatyre - P. 29-30 It - P. 31 Edited by Carolina Bunting: A.C.Bunting@lse.ac.uk B:music edited by IVIatt Boys and Ben Howarth PHANTOM PLANET It's inevitable tliat almost every article you read about Pliantom Planet these days starts off mentioning the recent brealt off of long time drummer Jason Schwartzman (you may know him from classics such as Rushmore, Slackers). But despite the split and almost breaking up because of it, Phantom Planet has come out of it- definitely alive and kicking. With the single 'California' off their second album as the theme song for The O.C (the best show ever!) and an anticipated new album, produced by Dave Fridman, due out in May, they've come to London for a quick show, and I was lucky enough to score an interview with one of them. Introduce yourself. I'm Darren Robinson, i play guitar for Phantom Planet. How are you liking London so far? We've been here one time before, and we actually played this club, Water Rats. And the hotel we're staying at- called the Sheriocit Holmes- is great! Last time we came here though, we didn't really know our way around very well, we'd only been to one or two areas so this time we went to Netting Hill, and some other funlst in Translation would be much more enjoyable. Hairdresser: Tell me aiwut iti I mean... get OR with your pro-euro reasons. Customer: Weil if Britain joins the euro, you and I'll be able to compare prices much more easily! Hairdrier: Wow! (Sarcastically) What i^ut our toss of individuality? Tlie pound represents us Brits. With the euM, we one bemme one of them, (i^anfdnsteln music in the background) Hairdresser: Yes, t>uf the pound is Just too loveabie, |x>^iar and successfui! Why should we change now? Custonner: AttrsKHEtonl If we have the euro, wfe'il attraidtmore people to the (iK and to ^est aiM sell products to us. Tbere'li be more competition as weli, iea^ng us to produce better quality stufR i mean look at Jiapan and aii that technolf^. Firance and Germany have good stuffi Metro? Cheese! Hairdresser: Increased competttionl This will lead to fewer jobs for usi This Issue is more important than cheese! Joining the euro means Europeans can come and: have a fob over here. I could be out of job iiecause of the euro! Customer: But you could go over there? Hairdresser: Yeah, but I don't speak any other European language. Customer: Not even FTench? Hairdresser: No. Customer; German? Hairdresser: No. Customer: Italian? Hairdresser: (iViumbles) A little. Ctwtomer: One of them?! The euro also befli^s us in terms of costs, such as ridding transaction costs. Surely this is beneftciai? Euro Disney? Hairdresser: I am little to old for IMickey Mouse. Anyway, the euro does cost. One size fits all? If we were all to join, we'd h£n/e the same interest rates as fiance and other Eurozone countries. Then when their inflation rise, so would ours. Customers: True, that's a problem, but what about certainty! Rxed exchange rates will simulate trade as certainty will lead to more trading. We can create fflore emptoyment with a wider range of Customer: Weli ^at about the convenience? With the euro, it'll be easier to travel around Europe: no need for exchanged money or lots of currencies. Hairdresser: Well... Customer: Continue? It's got to be good for tii^ union too. If we join, we'll be part of...Ettrope, funnily enoui^. That's not too diS^nt from now, is Nt? Hairdrraser: Weii, I stHI believe that we shoukin't Join. Customer: l%ir enou^i: you're entitled to your views. (Razor put away; mirror held in front of customer) Thaniis: that's just how I wanted It. But it does look a bit wonl^ on the left side...! hope your views didn't extend down your arm. Hairdresser: No, not at all. (Accepting payment from customer). Narrator: The moral is never to talk aiiout politics vvith your hairdresser. One thing for sure Is ttiat you will never get a decent haircut, even though you might get a decent deiiate. Filters bv Bonnie Johnson Celestial names on celestial stones, like the airplane on the bus ride home, crack the seeded clouds spitting acid. Rain filled the filter in my mouth that broke off in my hands the night I lit up in your kitchen and danced; I was a shuddering moth (you were God). And all that I wanted was everything; wanted you to want to tear off my wings, just to play your blank pages upon my warped strings and to play at returning to atonal things: like the filter that sticks at the front of my mouth; little pieces break off, and still nothing comes out through these butterfly nets crossing islands of flesh. I'm caught in the shapeless days where numbers disappear like rain to make clouds of cold smoke that obscure you, sublimed so high (I don't even hear you.). But the wrong people came when my smoke signal rose through discordant notes, like earth-covered stones I shot through stained glass and dry gin tears at the church and the school. I called home from the island of that chrysalis, the prescribed metamorphosis, broken in its filters: angel dried out on a pin, alongside countless others. Little Island bv Laura Rose The minutes climb on board while the seconds push the sixty out to sea And every hour that escapes from these shores steals another fragment of you. But this land will not give you up, This land that rages and weeps In equal measure. Against the rising and the setting of the sun, The waxing and the waning of the moon. The passing dates which once bore significance. She will not forget you. These firm fields of crops, sown over years half cast In shadow, are only food for you, Beyond the naked eye her weaknesses suddenly run clear, Under one Intoxicated darkness, She lies silently, one boat away from collapse, Every side eroded by the seven lapping seas. "Nothing left to see here folks", not since our fragile July, Yet though Little Island is barren now, She will not forget you. Words Mean Nothing bv Asian Saleh Words mean nothing rothlng alone. Ifements of Illusion ^ison the truth. Now bear this In mind as you continue to read on. I'll paint my feelings on your lovely fegade. Here, where thoughts flourish words are rare iand careftilly used. Because words mean nothing nothing alone. Lies deprive the truth sanity bursts. Screaming for help you're falling deeper within. Surrounded by images described by words. Words which mean nothing but nothing alone. Something Wondeful Bv Karen Lee The little girl lived in a box. Aii 6 walls surrounding her; she never knew which way was up. It was dark in that iittle girls box, and it was a lonely life for her. Empty and alone, she sat in her corner to wait. For what she did not know, but she knew it had to be something wonderful! The little girl lived In a box, and what a lonely life it was, for no one ever came to visit. Yet patiently she waited, for something wonderful to come. Things were not so bad for that iittle girl, for once in a while someone would lift the lid to let a little light in. What a rush of air that little lift of a lid did give, enough to keep her content till something wonderful came. The iittle girl lived in a box, and oh how hard life became. As time went by, a year or two, or maybe three? It became difficult for that little girl to be patient, waiting for something wonderful. Those brief breath's of air and light, were no longer enough. She wanted out! The little girl lived in a box, and what a discontented life it was. "let me out!" she wailed, and banged her fists. With nails and feet she crawled, up or down or side to side, she did not know which way was up. And soon, with years of climbing and still no end in sight, water began to fill the box. Higher and higher it began to climb, as the little girl stru^ed harder to reach the top, finally being revealed which way was up. Yet the wails were slippery, and the lid to high. The water climbed and climbed, and the girl began to drown. Down and down she fell, and no longer did she wait for something wonderful to come. The little girl lived in a box... the little girl died in a box... and something wonderful never came... 30 B:l|terature The Beaver 16 March 2004 Dear Diary, Spent yesterday dodging pigeons in Trafalgar Square. They're stili tiiere, despite the fines and hawits and ioudspealters. This calis for a more radical approach, and after a day of brainstorming, here's what I have in mind: On Sundays we could rent BB guns to the tourists on the balcony of the National Gallery, along with hunting berets and dark green wellies to complete the picture, and for ten shots a quid, they could target practice on the pigeon flocks below. Sure, that kind of carnage would In itself 'cause a nuisance and damage the square', but it would be a one-off sort of deal-we'd turn our eyes, cover our ears, and by the next morning, the only birds perching on the base of Nelson's Column would be girls' football teams on excursion from Birmingham. The idea has merit, but this isn't about taking credit. Anyone willing to have a go at this project will not hear a peep out of me about patents and royalties. I'll be happy enough to be rid of the things. I'll even supervise, directing fire from atop one of the bronze lions, muttering 'hear, hear!' and 'good show!' as paying customers pick pigeons out of the sky. These birds are messy, noisy and cocksure. But what really turns my stomach, is how nakedly they act out the ugliness of my Id. I see how they puff and prance in attracting each other, how brutishly they battle over crumbs, and how frighteningly they conform, swooping down in a flock of hundreds to obscure the land and eat the sun. I read the suffocating soot of Industry In their filthy feathers, i am also worried they will crap on my head. It Is true that we must be careful of defamation. Pigeons, like Mr. Blair's government, are not responsible for all of society's Ills. But they sure do freeload. Have you ever seen a pigeon do an honest day's work In Its life? No, my friend. They loiter In parks like unemployed young men, and like unemployed young men they sometimes turn up belly-up beside the curb. And that's all right, that's the law of nature. All the same, we mustn't let ourselves be intimidated by these vermin. Just the other day, a pimpled boy nervously approached a bobby in the Square, asking "Is It true, sir, that the pigeons are venomous?" to which the officer recited Mayor Livingstone's official line, "Rats with wings, m'lad, just rats with wings." However, with the proceeds of the hunting scheme helping to pay for Crossrall, even Red Ken will soon have something to coo about. Anonymous DANIEL'S BREAST he wheeled his stool Over to a dry erase board and wiped away an By Jason Tsai orange stick-figure cat vvHh his sleeve. Daniel imagined Dr. Heeb's delight stemmed from the fact that (1) Dr. Heeb rarely had At age sixteen, Daniel developed a breast. That is, this Is what patients who were old enough to understand anything, much less they called it - the doctor, the nurses, the technicians, the pam- appreciate root words, and (2) evidently all Dr. Heeb had ever phlets he read, the websites he visited, even his own parents, wanted to be was a scholar of dead languages. Daniel imagined "What did you just say, Beverly?" his dad questioned when Daniel Dr. Heeb as a young grammar school student, sitting front and and his mom got back from the pediatrician's offlce. "Daniel, center, gleefully repeating choice Latin phrases. you've got a breast?" His dad pored over the doctor's printout until he had enough, then took off his glasses and said to himself, "Gyne- or Gyneco- is from the Greek meaning woman or queen," Dr. as if he'd just bitten into an apple and tasted lemon, "What the Heeb said, pointing to the orange word, "and the mast is from the fuck?" similarly Greek mastos, or breast" There it was again. "Finally, the ending ria in gynecomastia is a suffix for feminine nouns, such Daniel disliked how his pediatrician started it all by calling it a as hysteria or suburbia or fuchsia. See? Gynecomastid or, woman- breast. He also disliked how he still went to a pediatrician. He breasts. Not that you have woman-breasts," he said, laMghing. would much rather have heard from a regular doctor that he had "Actually, it's a common enlargement of the breast in boys during an abnormal chest enlargement or something else that sounded mid-puberty," he stated, much more seriously. "A response to scientific and conhising. But Dr. Heeb, with his thick mustache, changing hormones and such. Don't worry. It should be gone In barrel chest, and closet full of temporary tattoos and white lol- a matter of months. Now who wants a lollipop?" lipops ("It's the flavor the toddlers don't like!"), had insisted on calling the slight fleshiness surrounding Daniel's left nipple a "Well, there you go," Daniel's dad said back at home, throwing up breast, and against Daniel's wishes, the label stuck. his arms in disbelief, "He's got boobs." He said this as If It were the nail in a coffin that contained ail the disappointments he had The scientific and conftising term for his ailment was gynecomas- of Daniel: not making the football squad, taking up vegetarian- t/a, though apparently everyone had an afflnity towards breast. Ism, landing the lead role in the school play, and riow having Gynecomastia not only sounded better, Daniel thought, but It breasts. Later that night Daniel locked himself in his room, took rolled off the tongue. Gy-ne-co-mas-tl-a. He thought it was one of off his shirt, and stared at himself In the mirror. "What's In a those words that become pleasing to say, once you've learned the name?" he mused to himself, memorizing his lines. He cupped his correct pronunciation. Bienvenldos. Mienkewicz. breast and squeezed It like the way his mom squeezed mangos in Gynecomastia. If only everyone could just appreciate the sclen- the supermarket. Then he thought of the way his dad had called tlflc term. Instead, they were drawn to the monosyllabic and, It a boob, rather than a breast. 'This isn't so big after all," he let's face it, incredibly emasculating word: breast. thought to himself, "And even if it did get any bi^er, it would kinda be cool to play with, I guess." Niot that gynecomastia wais really any better."i'll tell you about the origins of the word," D^ Heeb had cheerfully volunteered, as LET THE RAIN FALL By Xylia Sim She just needed to walk. She moved forward quickly as the traffic light changed, her head huddled in her coat, her hands tucked into her jacket for warmth. She walked with purpose, an illusion created to hide just how lost she felt inside. She needed to forget how to think. She walked faster, lost In the crowd and the bright lights of the city, losing herself in its anonymity. Here, nobody really looked at you, nobody really cared. They were all too busy walking to their own destinations, with their own thoughts, with their own screwed up lives. Here, she felt safe. The rain began to fall. She closed her eyes briefly, savouring the numbing coldness of the rain drops on her face, emptying her mind of everything except the patter of the rain. She needed to feel numb. She just kept walking, faster and faster, yet she moved without direction, simply turning at random. It didn't matter where she ended up. The only thing that mattered was that she kept moving. Because once she stopped, she'll realise just how alone she was. how empty and devoid of meaning her life was. She thought she had found happiness. After years of being alone, she thought she had finally found the one person in the world who could understand her, appreciate her for who she was. But she was a fool to believe that it'll work. She had always been such a fool. Such a naive, gullible fool. He was gone now, she was sure of It. He was gone forever and she was left with nothing. She had stupidly constructed her life around him and now that he was gone.... Ail she had left was the broken and shattered fragments of the fairytale she had created. She couldn't go home. All that waited for her there was another sleepless night, crying into her pillow, trying to drown away the pain and the isolation. Of sitting by the telephone, hoping against hope that it'll ring and she'll hear his voice and everything will be fine... No, better to just keep walking. Better to feel numb than to feel any kind of pain. Better to feel anonymous than alone. So much better... Bridge Over Houghton Street bv Simon and Hidefunkel Bridge over Houghton Street When you're hungry, the shop's small, When chairs aren't in your eyes, don't stay there at all. Go to other side. When training was tough And decent food can't be found. There's a bridge over Houghton Street. It won't let you down. There's a bridge over Houghton Street. It won't let you down. When they are down and out. When they're on the street, When raining fells so hard. It will comfort you. It won't fail apart. When lifts are crowded And people are all around. There's a bridge over Houghton Street. It won't let you down. There's a bridge over Houghton Street. It won't let you down. Walk on economists. Walk on by. Your salads have come to shine. All your pizzas are on their way. See how they line. If you need a stir fry. Just queue right behind. There's a bridge over Houghton Street. It will ease your mind. There's a bridge over Houghton Street. It will ease your mind. Thanks to everyone who has ever submitted reviews and original pieces to the Beaver Literature section over the past couple of years. I hope more people send in their work or get Involved with B:art in one way or another. Even the most serious of broadsheets have their 'arts' section and the average LSE student does hot live on politics alone - or at least, shouldn't! Next year Ion Martea takes over and hopefully he'll be inundated with submissions, making it a weekly chore to get everything to fit - it's what every editor dreams of don't you know? The Beaver 16 March 2004 B:about 31 B:about edited by Sarah Warwick and Joanne Lancaster- Ooh La la: Clubbing Competition! Those lovely people at Turnmills are giving you a chance to win a pair of free tickets to the Birthday of the best club in the world! Boutique, which has been the favourite club of all those cool clubbers In Brighton for years and years Is celebrating it's 8th Birthday at Turnmills on Saturday 24th April and you could be there. Just read all about the night and answer the question below to win a pair of tickets worth £30! Tliere are only a few clubs that can lay claim to have seriously changed the face of clubland. Brighton's Big Beat Boutique is one of them. Located down on the south coast, The Boutique championed the original 'Big Beat' sound in the late 90's and in the process catapulted the careers of DJs like Fatboy Slim and Jon Carter to super stardom heights. The Boutique is very much a night for the cool and the diverse, attracting lovers of music right across the dancefloor spectrum, in fact the music policy is more of a 'anything goes' type affair, with people jigging away to everything from house, breaks and techno, to hip hop, funk and soul. Phat beats and basslines are definitely a must, as is The Boutique's 8TH BIRTHDAY. This special night also marks the first of many occasional parties to be held in London throughout the year. Last year's line-ups featured a diverse mix of Fatboy Slim, Justin Robertson, Jon Carter, FreQ Nasty, Arthur Baker, Timo Maas, Ladytron, Phil Kieran, Dan Ghancia, Southern Fried Records, Joey Beltram, Tom Middleton and FC Kahuna... and the Brighton boys (and girls) certainly aren't resting on their laurels as they showcase a glittering array of talent for the big birthday bash. At the top of the stack and making their Turnmills debuts will be the AUDIO BULLY, who've taken clubland by storm since releasing their pioneering debut album 'Ego War' last year. West London bad boys aka Simon Franks and Tom Dinsdale, will be showcasing their unique sound, live and exclusively at The Boutique's Birthday, so expect all the usual elements of breakbeat, house, garage, hip-hop and live MC vocals as they perform this very special club set. Also laying down the eclectic sounds in the main room will be Boutique resident TOUCHE, plus LAIDBACK LUKE and RADIO SLAVE. Ex-Wiseguy, Touche is on fire at the moment with the recent release of 'The Paddle' on Southern Fried Records. It's a sonic avalanche of electro-house, which represents the sort of party sound he's become accustomed to get the crowd jumping to at The Boutique. Laidback Luke meanwhile, will be offering a smattering of Chicago House laced with minimal techno, whilst Radio Slave (aka Serge Santiago and Matt Edwards) will undoubtedly spin one of their exclusive 2 hour sets featuring all the various remixes and re-edits - ie, X-Press, Fischerspoone, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Benny Benassi, Bob Sinclair and FC Kahuna - that have made them the UK's hottest producers right now!! So that's the main room taken care of, leaving three red-hot DJ/Producers to look after proceedings in the backroom, kicking off with THE PSYCHONAUTS. You probably know Paul Mo^ and Pablo Clements for their deck skills and previous association with Mo' Wax. They are producers of pulsing electronic funk, lush pastoral pop and cinematic disco funk, and as DJs warmed up for The Chemical Brothers no-less at Together, Turnmills on NYE. The influential CHICKEN LIPS are special guests No.2. Previously known as Bizarre Inc in the 90's, Chicken Lips are one of the most well respected acts in dance music and have worked their magic on tracks for the likes of Underworld, Stereo MC's and FC Kahuna. Look out for their 3rd artist album later on this year. Completing this very special Birthday line-up will be two German brothers, Ali and Basti Schwarz, better known as TIESFSCHWARZ. The name Tiefschwarz stands high alongside other legendary German acts such as Boris DIugosch, Mousse T, Knee Deep, Ian Pooley and you can expect deep house galore from the boys from Stuttgart. What is the 'Boutique's' home in Brighton? Email your answers to s.l.warwick@lse.ac.uk to have a chance to win 2 tickets to this fantestic night. Good Luck! Clubs, pubs, shops, galleries, restaurants: Been anywhere nice recently? B:About is coming under new management! Email reviews, Ideas and not-to-be-missed experiences for next year toj.k.lancaster@lse.ac.uk And remember the golden rule: It looks good on your CVL.. ^2 B:abdut Bfeaver 16 March 2004 £&¦ ¦¦ • ------ --------: B:media edited by Eliot Poilak As the observant amongst you may have noticed, B:Media has been absent from The Beaver's hallowed pages for the past fortnight. Scurrilous rumours have been flying as to the possible sacking of this newspaper's media correspondent, but I am pleased to report that B:Media is alive and well having had a refreshing two week holiday. And whilst we're on the subject of holidays, thoughts immediately turn to La Manga, the holiday resort where nine Leicester City (or Molest-her City) players were arrested for a combination of offences against a trio of German women ranging from 'failing to aid a victim of crime' to the more serious 'sexual aggression'. Leicester City Football Club as a result have suffered enormously, both with regards to the reputation of the club, as well as financially through huge legal fees. On the plus side of course, unlike Manchester United, they're still In Europe. It Is not the ins and outs (literally) of the case I wish to discuss, rather the hysterical reaction of the British printed press. SOCCERS SHAME screamed the Daily Mail headline, and this Indeed was the general consensus amongst all newspapers both tabloid and broadsheet. After all, this season alone has seen the Leeds United player Jody Morris accused of rape, six Newcastle United footballers alleged to have been involved in gang raping women, and now this infamous Leicester City trip. Fast forward seven days and the story had immediately changed. The very same newspapers reported that these 'victims' were of dubious repute, had lured the players into a honey trap and were another example of sleazy women trying to profit out of millionaire high profile footballers. By the time you read this piece, no doubt there will have been even more twists and turns to the saga. These latest revelations of course are of little consolation to Messrs Dickov, Sinclair and Gillespie whose reputations are now forever tarnished. Indeed, the last footballer accused of rape, the aforementioned Jody Morris, has subsequently been released by his club and is currently unemployed. Of the three major sex cases brought against British footballers this year, there has not been one guilty verdict passed. A verdict in the courts that is. The guilty verdicts are passed in the newspapers virtually before the police have even been informed. Seemingly the old maxim of 'innocent until proven guilty' does not apply if you are a young and obscenely rich footballer. The press must leave the justice to the courtroom. B:Media will be back in the new year, bigger and better than ever. As if you had any doubts! And on the subject of footballers, sex and the media, spare a thought for poor Stan Collymore, the former Liverpool and Aston Villa star and as of last week BBC Radio 5Uve football pundit. Collymore has been sacked after accusations of dogging in car parks surfaced in the Sun newspaper. (If you're not familiar with this story, don't bother looking the word up In a dictionary; it won't help!!!) B:Media doesn't understand the problem. Surely Coilymore has been having sex in a public place ever since he started dating Ulrika Johnson (think about it!!) B:Media Recommends Television - Shameless, Ch4, Tuesdays, 11:05pm. For those who didn't catch this excellent comedy drama the first time around, Channel Four are rerunning the whole series again. Which is nice of them. Radio - Hawksbee and Jacobs, TalkSPORT Radio, Weekdays, 1-4pm. For all sports fans this is the only show on the radio worth listening to. Both presenters have a history of creating quality publications and television shows but this format suits them both perfectly. A great combination of relevant comment and humorous banter. Newspaper - Howard Jacobson column, Independent on Saturday. For many the only reason to read the weakest of the Saturday broadsheets. g' ¦¦ ¦ M 11 ¦ I I loll: ISliS * Subiect: Celestino It's true; LSE really does have talented students. For all of you who showed up Friday night at the Shaw library you know what I'm talking about. Trumpets, whistles, violins, cellos, guitars, drums and the lot... it would be easier to name an instrument they couldn't play. Keep your eyes open, these guys will be big (that is, if three of the band members decide not to fly half way across the world to go back home). Smile In the dark Anonymous 600th edition!!! Thrills, madness and hysterias... yes we've pulled through all of this (and a little more on the side). But believe me, there's a lot more In store for next year; so get ready to be wowed out of your boots. Till then enjoy the break and remember: exams aren't all they're cracked up to be so chiililllilill... Spread the love Got anything to tell us? Disagree with any of this? Send your b:mails this way - conveniently labeled B:mail - and we'll print them here. Anything and everything arts related welcome: BeavermaHs@vahoo.co.uk or a.c.bunting@lse.ac.uk -The Beaver 16 March 2004 Sports 33 Netball Seconds BitclvSlap Gimperial to Become Champions! LSE Netball Seconds..... ......44 Gimperial Medics........... .....21 Lincoln's Inn Fields Alison 'Champion' Blease On Wednesday after the whole netball club had gathered for their photo (in the SNOW no less!!!) the rest of the club disappeared off to straighten hair, apply false tan/nails and generally preen themselves up for the ball while the seconds proceeded to play their arses off in Lincoln's Inn against a team who were somehow leading ULU league despite the fact that we had already beaten them this year in BUSA (and they are shitl). This was more than likely going to be our last match (RVC are still left to play but they have disappeared off the face of the earth) and that meant it would be the last match ever for the two Rachels, Louisa and Krystal. This made us even more detemiined than usual to whip the opposition to within an inch of their lives especially as the league title was up for grabs. We began well and quickly took the lead turning it into four goals by the end of the first quarter. However this did not nearly reflect the Sony state of their netball skills and the com- plete ass wuppin' that they were receiving. We stepped the game up a gear and doubled our lead by half time. Clearly the match was in the bag so we started to have a bit of fun -well especially Lou and Krystal who seem to shoot EVEN better (if it is at all possible) when they are pissing themselves laughing. The entire team was on top form with Laura really tightly marking their shooter who actually was an amazing shot - when she got the chance! - and Aine made some brilliant interceptions. In the centre court Captain Fiona finished the season with a flawless performance at centre and the two Rachels wiped the floor with their WD. Even Marie joined in the action with constant compliments and advice for us, and demoralizing and humiliating shouts and jeers at the gimps from the sideline. There was nothing that the Gimps could do as the more they tried to get back into it, the more we laughed in their faces at their paltry and pathetic efforts and proceeded to take the piss and score even more. Even Olivia couldn't be arsed to pull up all their clumsy infringements of the rules towards the end cos quite frankly they could do FUCK ALL to stop us now and they knew it! Even their Goal Attack pulling faces like a slapped arse at every (correct) decision could not cajole the gimps into anything other than their natural shit form. Despite the incompetence that is the ULU league organisers (who are still trying to maintain that the seconds have only played two matches), here is the real picture: REACHED the semi-final of tHe "(JLU; cup going further than anyone in ouf league. THIRD in BUSA only losing two matches all season. UNDEFEATED in ULU and as this match saw us kick the arse of our nearest rivals in.the league, making us....., LEAGUE CHAMPIONS! LSE Netball Firsts ..........18 Royal Holloway............. ........ 26 Lincoln's Inn Fields Olivia 'Pamela' Schofield J Walking towards the netball courts on another freezing Monday night, the mighty LSE 1st netball team prepared to do battle for the final time this season. Emotions were running high, forSiobhan, Maame, and Fabs it would be their last game for LSE. We arrived at the courts nice and early and had a proper warm up before Holloway emerged. Everyone seemed to be on form and team spirit was as high as ever especially with Bushy's promise of cup cakes and pinot at her house afterwards! We got on court and the starting whistle blew. It was our centre pass. Jade dodged doing a fantastically complicated move which sadly confused Siobhan and the ball went into Holloway's hands. They passed the ball smoothly down to their goal when Maame leapt into the air to do one of her amazing interceptions which defies gravity and most people's physical capabilities, but simultaneously their rather large goal shooter leapt for the ball too, sending Maame smashing down to the ground. Our team froze; she didnt get up. Shit. It was our last game of the season and within 20 seconds of play our star goal keeper was down and unfortunately out. Since our squad has slowly thinned out over the year, we had no reserves. Just at the moment an unsuspecting Amy (the prettiest face on the new AU Exec) walked round the comer to support her Bushy fiat mate. She was stripped of her clothes, given some form of kit and then before she knew what happened was trans- formed into a first team netballer as goal attack, a tactical change allowing Jade to cover the defence. The transformation of Amy really work^, within minutes she was dodging, passing and shooting as brilliantly as the rest of the team. We all played really well but unfortunately after the loss of Maame our hearts weren't really in it and we weren't as hungry for victory as we perhaps should have been. The shooting was surprisingly pretty good considering an overdose on caffeine before the match made the shooters have a little bit too much nervous energy! The final whistle blew and our last match was over. CAPTAIN PHOEBE shouted her "three cheers" for the last time and with a little sadness we left the pitch. Maame then got carted off to the hospital and obviously found herself v\/ith some of our St. George's fiiends who knew shit about shit. 50% of the doctors thought she'd broken her ankle, the other 50% thought she hadn't, and none of them could tell if she'd broken her actual leg. What the fuck is that about? I'm only a law student and have no idea about medicine but how hard can it be to see if ifs broken? Anyway, Maame's injury could be seen as a blessing in disguise because it meant that CAPTAIN PHOEBE got to eat the extra cup cake! After a couple of glasses of pinot, a lot of gossiping, and catching up on this week's Sex & the City episode we thought it was time to go. The season is officially over and it's been brilliant. We didnt conquer both the leagues like we should have done, but 3rd out of 9 in the BUSA premiership and 4th in ULU is still pretty damm good. Like with anything that comes to an end, the highlights always need to be recapped, so for those of you who haven't become familiar with us netball goddesses, here's one final chance to become acquainted.... CAPTAIN PHOEBE - the self acclaimed 'ginger ninja'. An expert in defence, well known for her gobby mouth and arguing with both her opposition and the umpire. But a great captain who always looks after tiie teams interests and fakes no shit of anyone. The seconds have whipped all the opposition this season and thoroughly deserve the awesome hangovers we are all currently experiencing in the aftennath of the ball last night. I have spent all year telling you all how utterly amazing and stupendous the seconds are and now I have the evidence to back it up. LEAGUE CHAMPIONS and a few pictures of us when we are all scmbbed up nicely. The photographic evidence is good cos it doesn't happen very often. Oh...and one final word regarding the rumours - leather's great but rubber is really more my cup of tea. Holloway Prison Dykes Molest LSE Babes Maame - "Sportswoman of tiie Year" "Netballer of the Year" and basically just the most amazing netballer LSE is ever likely to be blessed with. Her evil twin 'maame-in-a-box* is also quite a good player too! Fabs - A brilliant defender who is a vifal part of the team. Fabs will be remembered for always being cold and her amazing hairdressing skills on Jade! Siobhan - Effortlessly brilliant in whichever position she's put in. Always calm and collected on court which makes a nice change from the rest of the team! Ash - also known as Ashie Washie and Bushy (not quite sure why, Phoebe discovered it so it's probably better not to ask). A sneaky littie player with amazing spring who always fools her opposition into a false sense of security. Famous for her Essex girl white shoes and being the most 'bed-able' member of staff at Ted Baker. Jade - moved fliim defender to star shooter, her brilliance translates into any position. As soon as her addiction to pinot is sorted out I'm sure she'll get much better at turning up on time. We'll never forget that afro Jadie.... ME - well what can I say, my Beaverwriting skills should win me an award and if I get a choice in prizes I think I need a book on hairdressing. Although Fabs, Jade and Maame have been very patient in answering all my questions. And we cant forget Becca, Nicola and Cat who were vifal to tine team while they played for us, but since they didnt like Phoebe they quit the team. Sorry Pheebs. Playing on the first team has been brilliant this year and so it will be sad next year when only four of us remain to keep the team alive! To use a much too quoted quote, "it's been emotional..." Well done to us! WE ROCK! xxx Meet The New Sports Co-Editor! Louise Tasty' Hastie After two harrowing elections against some mighty competition, Louise is finally co-editing Seaver Sports, continuing the presence of women's rugby on the editorial team. Ashort introduction would be useful since, like Ellie, she will be adopting the role of the woman behind the scenes, silent and un-attention grabbing, but the one who really keeps things going. She is more affectionately known as Tasty Hastie on the women's rugby team, probably due to her knack for getting picked up by the opposition linesmen at matches. Judging by her success at getting footballers into bed (two at a time I might add, as Barrel rumors have it), it must be true, though contrary to popular belief, communal shower action isnt kinky enough for an opinion to be given. She's displayed a remarkable knack for avoiding involvement in AU scandals, ttiough there is plenty to be said for her reputation back home in Bristol! There is no one more deserving than this feisty strawberry blonde to continue Ellie's invaluable contributions to the Beaver sports pages, and with her envied position in the middle of the gossip circles, who knows if any secrets might Just start to slip out right here. That wild head-shaking dance she does regulariy at Walkabout isnt a sign of intoxication as you might think; tiiis Lois Lane misses nothing, so stay tuned for more exciting, explosive reporting! 34 Sports Stocker Brings Out the Goat to Goad RVC LSE Football Fifths..................3 RVC. Fortress Berrylands, Surrey Drew 'Pink Lady' Soffler As we began assembling at Waterloo Station things weren't looking good for LSE 5th XI. Not only were we missing keeper DJ Dom through Dirt inflicted injury, the Beave due to course work, and Samadeus as a result of a rendezvous to visit his non-existent girlfriend (to be fair this wasn't a loss), but we also learned we'd be without the services of the Gazelle who was plagued by an explosive case of the Hershey squirts. Those in attendance were either extremely hung over from an evening of wrongness at Crush, tired from an evening of wild sex, or for one member of the fifths, a combination of both. Unlike Tony Blair dealing with mouthy gash Claire Short, however, the fifths know how to deal with controversy. It didn't take long for us to come to an obvious conclusion regarding our tree-hugging, animal-loving hippie opposition; they were a bunch of fucking cunts. After elbowing Shandyman in the chest, their twat American right back let out a screech worse than the victims of Leicester City Football club. Then after 'losing out' on another refereeing decision, the Yankee minge attempted to start a fight with guest player Taffy, with constant challenges of, 'Don't be a pussy, dude.' Though cooler fifth heads prevailed, the Doctor Doolittles of RVC were visibly rattled. Nonetheless, we went into halftime trailing 1-0 after an attempted cross from the left flank unexpectedly lobbed into our net. It was clear from the halftime talk of Captain Commie and Gus' constant claims of, 'We're controlling the game lads, we're controlling the game,' that the contest was far from over. About fifteen minutes into the second half, however, an impartial onlooker would have thought differently as Taffy made his LSE goal-scoring debut into our own net. 2-0 to RVC. Luckily for the home side, RVC were as good holding onto a multi-goal lead as Tottenham and the fifths were soon to find their way onto the scoreboard. After hard working efforts from our midfield of Not-Gay Ben, Minibus, and Shandyman, Moks was able to craft a goal that was pure football genius. After jockeying through their entire defense with Christiano Ronaldo-like flair (minus turning the ball over to the other team after his seventieth consecutive step-over), Moks soundly slotted the ball into the bottom right corner, leaving their netminder helplessly watching on. As if one dazzler of a goal wasn't enough, Moks repeated the feat five minutes later with a vicious strike from thirty yards out. The fifths were back in action. Though bravely clawing back from a two-goal deficit, the fifths were not satisfied. If the match concluded in a draw, RVC would leave Berrylands DLL) League Champions. After a strong performance by Ponce, the Dirt and Irt striker combination was re-united and they were soon to reap rewards from terrorizing the RVC defense. After Moks was savagely hacked down just outside of the eighteen-yard box, him and Dirt executed an absolutely brilliant free kick which concluded in Dirt rifling a bullet a into the RVC net, placing him one goal shy of Yaz's goal tally from last yean The fifths went crazy in celebrations that included a bout of the goat celebration in order to taunt our animal sodomite opposition. Whilst preciously guarding our one goal lead, one of their central midfielders busted down the center of the pitch. As he maneuvered close to the area, it looked as if a strong, pain-inflicting challenge could be administered. The Pink Lady did just this. Unfortunately, the challenge consisted of 100% RVC cunt and 0% ball. As he laid helplessly in a heap, blood began emerging on the pitch. While our initial conclusions were that one of their cunts had their period on the pitch, it became obvious that the source of blood was an RVC nose. Bloody noses and loose teeth were all that RVC was to leave the Fortress Berrylands with on this faithful Saturday, however. Gus, Captain Commie and Taffy held off the remainder of the RVC onslaught, and Big Ben finished off his solid performance between the pipes. The final whistle blew and the fifths had savagely (but enjoyably) ruined the title winning dreams of the homos from Potters Barn. The locker room victory celebrations, unsurprisingly, consisted of a bottle of Pink Lady, with MOM Moks receiving the honor of uncorking the fine bottle of champagne-like perry in spite of not being able to drink any. Badminton Say Hello Mun 'Strong Wrists' Liu Hey all, Mun here writing from deep down in the basement of LSE - home of the renowned badminton team - giving you all who read The Beaver a chance to finally know who the bloody hell we are. Our sporting year began as ever cramming 200+ members into the court to try out for the team - not a pretty sight! Of those that tried out, two players dwarfed the efforts of everyone else, our golden boy Daniel-son and "super-bouncy" Deni. Straight onto the team for them then. As usual, the season went off on a rocky start -men's 2nds losing to njbbish like King's is unforgivable - thanks to half our players still being in the far east when the season started, but after that we smashed through the opposition like no one's business. Men's first were up against Kent, Essex, City and GKT. GKT and their big-mouthed,cocky captain dkint stand a chance against us. On the retum game they didnt even show up. Something about not being able to raise a side...Yeah, sure... City proved even worse - asides from one decent player, the rest could have been beaten by our ladies squad without raising a sweat! Kent and Essex proved to be the only decent challenge in the league, with Essex the only ones managing to beat us, but we had our revenge when they came to us. Dan reigned supreme throught the entire season, unbeaten for all games, and our good captain Andreas providing the goods - and the bananas-without fail. Ladies were strong. No shit. This had to be the strongest team we've had for years. Even Imperial couldnt stand a chance against us. Reading were the only team able to stop us, but we got even with them as usual when they came to us. Surrey and Royal Holloway provided the rest of the canon fodder for our team - with the slight hiccup at the start of year causing us to lose out on winning the division. Mei's leadership was excellent, and Deni and Yum proved to be the strongest pairing in London, and it is sad to see Deni go - why couldnt general courses last longer than a year? Men's seconds had a bad start. Under-strength, lack of players, and trials still being held for the team when we were two games into the season. Our captain Chris could hardly believe his bad luck, but managed to pull a squad together to compete for us under these bad circumstances. Once our team was ready though, nothing could hold us back. Pairing Abi and Gerald kept up their reputation as the no.1 in the second team, rallying the rest of the team all the time with their "expert" advice -fi-ee drinks for the winners in the Tuns. By December, we already guaranteed ourselves a promotion to the 1st division, albeit the bad start, we could have won the league and entered the BUSA knock-outs as well, but as the modest people we are, we'll let the small fry take glory for once. Our favourite victory had to be against Royal Holloway They are shit. No other way to describe them. In my history at the LSE, there is no worse, unsportsman-like team ever. They cannot win, so resort to using the rules to stop anyone gaining points from them. After last year's mishap, we came prepared. Arriving half an hour before the game was due to start, we prepared ourselves to send the lambs to the slaughter... No mistakes this time. Honours go out to our entire squad: Men's First Team: Andreas (Captain), Zhaotan, TJ, Raymond, Daniel, Liam, Leon, Jeff Li, Kanshik. Women's Team: Mei(Captain), Yunj, Deni, Christelle, Fang Ting, Viola, Ling, Dipali, Edith, Kelly, Cecely, Ruchica, Kanika, Shyamala. Men's Second Team: Chris(Captain), Abi, Gerald, Jeff Wei, Gee, Mun, Jeet, CK, Kenny, Suraj, Kevin. So next time you're in the Tuns, look out for that small table where all the rackets are. We're playing just as hard as Rugby and Football are, and we get the results just as they do. The Beaver 16 March 2004 Paddy's Piece So, it's the Sixth Hundredth edition of The Beaver. The very first edition of this fine newspaper, which came out in 1949 (two years after Caustic began his degree), had a Sports section entitled 'The AU Page'. A copy of the first ever issue is locked away in the Library archives, and is as dusty as Anne Widdecombe's hymen. But, having seen the copy, I'm proud to report that our forefathers at LSE were just as dedicated to the AU cause as we are today, as on the. sports page of the very first issue is the headline "Rugby and Cider". Evidently the Seav^SASports team back in 1949 were able to look to the future and predict that one day, a man called Matt 'FC Trenhaile would play for LSE. Magic. Myself and Louise are very proud to be at the helm as BeaverSports rises over and above its Sixth Hundredth edition, and hope that in 2059 or thereabouts, when the 1200th edition of the Beaver comes out, LSE students will still be vomiting in the toilets at Limeabout, will still be bringing trophies back to Ben^lands, and that the Barrel will be continuing to hospitalize three people every December. The very plush Connaught Rooms were raided by LSE marauders last Wednesday, as the AU Colours Ball descended upon Great Queen Street. Pre-ball cocktails were enjoyed in the sumptuous surroundings of The Tuns. Craig Harris lead a charge for drinks to Sway, a move which he was later to regret as he vomited his dinner over the shagpile carpet in the Connaught Rooms. 1 can't remember much of the dinner, other than thinking some cunt had stolen my jacket, before I realised I had left it on the back of my chair. Crush classics echoed through the marble halls as Jimmy B entertained the masses. 'One More Time' ended the night, and a late surge for the free wine and free cloakroom lead the sumptuously dressed LSE crowd onto the street outside. Many made it on to Walkabout, where Silver Mike Carlton got in an altercation with the bouncers, leading him to utter his famous phrase "You Can't Afford Me". The truly dedicated made it to the Cock Tavern to see the sun rise on Thursday morning, and the truly insane managed to keep going to the UGM on Thursday afternoon. What summed the Ball up for me was seeing Pete Davies in the Tuns at 2pm on Thursday, still in his tuxedo, muttering "I do what I want", whilst attempting to wipe Craig's vomit off his shirt with his own saliva. This is the final issue of the 2003/2004 academic year - you won't get to read more stories about spitroasts, vomiting and winning trophies until next October. It's ben a good year for the Athletic Union, with the Firsts Football Team winning the ULU Cup and the Seconds winning their League, and the Champagne Sevenths are the Division 4 champions. Womens' Rugby went the entire season unbeaten in the League to emerge as champions and Netball Seconds won their league. The lesser-known sports like Golf did us all proud by winning ULU, and Karate came back from the National Championships with a haul of gold to make Christopher Columbus proud. We should be fucking proud of what the AU is - a cosmopolitan and welcoming society, at one of the best universities in the UK, who regularly school other lesser establishments in all manner of sports, and, most importantly, know how to have a fucking good time. Enjoy the Easter break and good luck in the cunting exams. Paddy. PS -1 forgot, something called 'Calella' is happening in ten days..... The Beaver 16 March 2004 Sports 35 LSE Rugby Starlets Remember the Sexiest Season Ever Van and Tasty BUSA Champions 2003-2004 has such a great TO to it, dont you think, it just sends shivers dcfwnyour spine and creates that warm fuzzy feeling inside. It has been a fantastic season in so many ways and we just wanted to review those nranents which made us laugh, smile and cheer because if we'ns brutally honest we kicked ass! 10. Beating Kent Now Kent was a thorn in our side last season and this year we were determined to goddamned "slam'em'V as Kelly Coyne woukJ say. So for this game we fcnought out the big guns txjt as fete would have it the Kent "wtxxe's are us" fiBak show did just that they finked out and were as organised and successful as Caustic Steve in the AU elections!! As instructed by Hanimal we pissed all over their open viraunds with an equally satisfying scoreline. Mmmm 9. The Bulldozer of Royal Vets Many of our games have been reminiscent of Fly-orHlh6-V\feill University Fat Club but this poor tove, named ttie bulldozer by Bang Bang, just got given the ball and tdd to waddle towards ffie alhletidsm of the LSE Baywatch Babes. It's hard to do her size justice but think Se7en, you know the obese guy who rather than eat all the pies had rotting fbod between the fiab (eek) and you are kinda almost tfiere... 8. Lizzie's Bitchslap Now this hasnt been included t)ecause we dislike I ttie tedpient of the aforementioned slap but it is pretty funny that our normally delicate and refined Miss Walsh, enraged at typically male beftaviour (what else?), turned into her alteregoJanine Butcher Dont mess! 7. Beautifiilness at the Ball It is quite hard to remain so glamorous whilst playing rugby but we have picked up a f^ tips fiom Jonny and our own LSE Men's 1 st team (whatever!) but ttie Ball revealed true team sex appeal. Laura looked wonderfully svelte in her ted dress as did the ever demure Jane, perfkted the champagne look, Jqio had an AtlTena-like air going on. Sexy Kate reiterated why she was so-named, Kelly kx3ked pretty in pink.. .the list is too long to mention everyone but all pulled a winner out of the bag. 6. Redefining the tackle Wharn-ban>slani-wittT-a-bit-of-glam is the usual way we approach tiie game and despite pelite-ness certain team legends have hit hard; Special K is the PMT monster, Johanna an at)solutely terrifying but stunningly beautiful demon, Isabelle a tower of Scottish sfrength, Jen Bush takes no prisonere, Ellie uses her miniature proportions to inflict serbus pain and Nellie dashes atong the wing to smack huge marv beasfs into touch. (Lizzie is currentiy teaching us the more elegant bitchslap.) 5. The Cheeky Try between the posts It is difficult to explain but do you remember Chucktevisbn as a kid, you knew to me, to you7 Well our lifije strike force had notched a great many number of tries individually and thus when they got the ball across ttie touchline, tfiey preceded like total arses to atgue over who should score ttie try 4. Cantertxiiy Clodhoppeis Now this game was ttie epitome of slanvdunking sexy tiies. We were as hot as Britney's cnotch-skim-ming panties scoring Sfries with Qbson ttie 'hole' scoring two and Isabelle and Arkell getting their first LSE 'eat my dust bitch' fries. 3. if you Wannabe My Lover RAG Week Stars in Your Eyes: the singing was shit, the dance was similar to Steps and Aisha described us as fijnny wtien she really meant that we kxjked like total tits. Scary Hannah's hair defied gravity. Ginger Hester kept grat)bing her rather ample bosom. Sporty Isabelle campaigned for 'dyke power' by diunkenly somersaulting into Ginger, Baby Louise wore sickly pink and high bunches (need ariy more be said) and Posh Blie forgot to wear any knickers! We are currentiy looking for a record deal, so any offers for a Cheeky Giris tribute band? 2. Winning ttie League Now this one is quite self-explanatoty! The victory was even sweeter because we beat the Strand Poly and their huge-arsed self-named Tank to take the titie. How better to celebrate tiian spraying cheap spariding wine over the team and enjoying tine good stuff later on... BUSA Champions for a fledgling team is fecWng ¦who wants if marvellous. 1. The Barrel The Cavewomen fun at tile Barrel is witfTout parallel for team excitement We made animal print and bones look sexy, flirted with Nemo's and Guantanamo Bay prisoners alike, got hideously dmnk on stale beer, right^lly fined Sandy for pulling Ballsuckerand Lauren fiar betraying us for NetiDall and Callela, and woke up ttie next day with two foottjallers in my iDed but I think that was just me. Golf Goof Around With Arse-Whipping and Sacrificial Lambs Stuart 'The Caretaker' Millson On the surface, LSE golf has not made a great deal of progress this year. In our first match of the season we journeyed to a shit hole (Wycombe) in order to play a bunch mentally retarded wankers' whose presence at "university" serves no purpose other than to waste tax payers money that could othenwise be used to give me a loan on which it is possible to live in London, only to return with the kind of bruising more usually associated with a pregnant princess who has thrown herself downstairs. In our last match of the season we travelled to a shit hole (Swansea), played another bunch of wankers wasting my money, and returned with the kind of bruising more usually associated with getting your arse kicked at golf in Wycombe. However, such a simplistic overview conceals the true facts. The first bunch of arse-whippers, despite doing a degree which consists of two days of mowing grass and raking sand and 3 days of playing golf - golf course management (gardening), in case you ask -were actually pretty shite. The second bunch of arse-whippers included someone who was due to be playing in the Portugal amateur at the time, but was so fearful of our ever-grow-ing reputation that he stayed behind to ensure they scraped through. And the first game was a bog standard Southern league game, while the last was in the national quarter finals. So, I hope you would agree, our improvement over the season can be clearly measured by the increased quality of arse-whippings that we receive. And so arse-whippings complete, whether received or administered (I trust you all recall the legendary "Drubbing at Denham," where Gimperial were made to endure, in purely golfing terms I hasten to add, a torture which can only be described as equivalent to attending a 4 hour Fight Racism Fight Imperialism sit in while having your testicles removed with a rusty spoon) the time comes to review the season. First of all, we have decided that in terms of talent we are a pretty good team, something that was backed up by compliments we received in Swansea (very flattered boyo, and I'm sorry that Daisy died giving birth to her lamb, but I'm not sleeping with you, and I won't push back harder if I'm on the edge of a cliff.) Seriously though, they said, and frankly we're not disagreeing, that if we had the facilities of universities such as,, for example, St. Andrews, we'd be a real force even on a national level. So as a result we are petitioning the director, clearly a golf fan since what else does the Head of the FSA do - he doesn't regulate Equitable Life clearly - to take out a loan against future top-up fee income and convert Regent's Park into 3 championship golf courses. I trust this will find support with the entire Beaver readership. Secondly we need some replacement players next year. Players are wanted to fill the following categories: Best Player: A role traditionally played by a Californian studying at LSE for one year. Candidate requires a large degree of natural talent, but rustiness is not only acceptable, but positively encouraged, as previous incumbents eschew the opportunity to play golf on some of the finest courses in the world with the sun on their backs, but when embarking on a 12 hour flight to one of the largest cities, with the worst weather and total lack of anywhere to play golf decide to grab their clubs for a few rounds. This shocking decision-mak-ing suggests that entrance to LSE for general course and overseas masters students places more emphasis on ability to write O's on cheques than intellectual ability. Sacrificial Lamb: Di icult to understate the importance of this ro Without a sacrificial lamb, one of our good players has to play the opposition's best player, and invariably loses. The best sacrificial lamb will demonstrate such astonishing levels of ineptitude that his partner's opponent is reduced to helpless bouts of laughter, allowing the partner an easy win. 1 have been proud to perform this role with distinction, but sadly am now graduating. 6th player: Previously a position filled by the enigmatic N.O.Body. However, since he consistently loses to their worst player, we fired the incompetent twat. For those concerned that joining LSE golf will somewhat diminish their social life, you're probably right, but Lee has promised that every Wednesday at 4pm next year we will congregate in the Tuns (or whatever the fuck its going to be called. Actually, thanks to the Pirate's glorious coup against the Chairman of the Prople's Republic of Houghton Street it might still be the Tuns) to prepare for the familiar Limeabout, kebab, night bus. Bollocks not fucking Lewisham again, night bus, home routine. In addition, come the barrel, 6 blokes armed with golf clubs aren't going to have to wait long to get served. Also, playing golf is a lot less tiring than playing a proper sport, and 1 don't think its possible to get injured playing golf. Finally since Annika Sorenstam, Michelle Wie and Laura Davies have started playing golf, we welcome women. Particularly if you can play like Annika Sorenstam, Michelle Wie or Laura Davies. Or even more particularly If you're fit. LSE 4 Gimperial 2. ULU Champions. Come on ! BeaverSiiorfs Tuesday 16 March 2004 Issue 600 Meet the new Co-Editor inside - see page 33! The First Team - ULU Cup Champions 2004! LSE Footbail Firsts......... .........2 Royal Holloway............... .........1 Motspur Parl<, Surrey .......... , ^ Nimesh 'Motty' Mistry LSE First XI schooled the pikey prison scum of Holloway in the ULU Cup Final. It was a match that LSE dominated fium start to finish and should have won more comfortably. Although the sun shone on Fulham's ground for most of the match there were flickers of heavy rainfall. Similarly, our boys were dominating the whole match save for a few lucky chances falling to Holloway. The mid-field was dictated by the central midfield partnership of Captain Gazthe Pirate' Carter and Mikey Tumer as Holloway looked shaky and unsettled from the off. The first real chance came ten minutes in as Scott released wing wizard Dom Rustam on the left Rustam, who was to turn in a Giggs-like performance down the left wing all game, repeately mocked the Holloway right back, much to the delight of the sizeable LSE travelling support. A particular target for abuse was the Holloway goalkeeper, who evidently wori 1949 5 ......... ¦!s Ihc ( i.uM'h /'> i > i ttttkd lo it III,-, i;,-i!cr,!^u il-i'Wfc i Li mj> f^ni 'I, IIH t>iif'0r.',t>t/ do'ittxik ^'j'-Ji'o uf the kadi»>^ ^ '-ii^ IKc »f jt i yt f lutskii th,il the opinions ^^rcjs'^cil H t •> f-fi (Wit/n il tii^ j!OC !}f-,ali\ the politico! foa-.-'.ics <>! f I i t >1 t'l'iiitors rt!V 7)r commit CONSCRIPTION: WE SAY NO! \s one \v;k^ jtuUUcnUy rK«?rc;ihC«l rt'cniitinji vjsn u* JUC: \ ivr.i gUitn " lu cxpbi" i\ic. vcaso»s \\\y \Utu. com^c, politit'ul opp.wctUN \v?n t:vko the <>p\kirutnuy to auriinut^ ihr Communist uititmlti to lark <>5 niu? U«> duu'sc l>y n}U!n<{-inj; rcpotitiiMv in Wos^s. rno hard anu ^o. (levotctiiy it not tv> int-\}Vxi\'c ihc orour comuryr Of course, \n c leol >uon}i Jumds with . ««ir c<»i«raUc> in i>tl»c.r \>art:? the world. b<> they :ilr<;;u^y snccc^^Cnl or r<<\ bta this is in*cd$c'«y bcfanse (liey , are tiyinj? lo do tcir Uicir connlry whiit wo ht>i>c lo (ov ours—bniUl lt> cn>nre pcncc aiul well-\>cUi^. . . . VV<^ hflicve lhai there is :i i«JC-vi<)n K'twt'fn jt:\triotij5m anil irrespoit-siblc j ii^jroii^ni: nVo$t nurf«boi*> (ii the i..S;.E Comninniji! Socicty, it s)*.t,>ukl b« nddcd. saw xScrvio.e in ihc rcecnt . wrar. an<{ arc. thtrrciovc, all the tnore ikJcrntincH fo prtwcnl another., THREATS TO THE U.S.S.R. <"hjr opptxsitjon tt> the r»ovcrnnieni*s rccnuixnjr policy ami cxtcndcrcceic ail lead irrvsisUhly to the concln§i(>n that the word "defence" 1n mouths ot Mr, Oevin ami ln> acci»nv j>Hccoplcs. either directly, or hy the hand ot the nulch ¦ stot^es...... ..... cidtMii": wi* ;'nnn<.^t hvhcve thjii '.Air v'tMKCJtpt*;. HwoUcrniir in Akaha ate dcJvMKhi'i^ any real hncrest^ «>t" the Urlhsh ju'oph:; t>in* opajon on the u.h*. v>{' "sleK'nse" (sicl uoccn n^ Mahua w.cH kmuvti tn roadc.r> the tnnral " P'cavec." Trooj'S jnanitntn a vor- vupi h)ack*j»>a»kot»nx n-^iinui t.vt ox-Xlnssohikans in .T»'«esK- a>;ainsi the wislics -kcr> ahke. Battleships are ^enl hlnnclerinir into Clnttej^^: h;uth:j> lo ^how the t)a>j.".:ind creak' vet ,in»>ve 'ir.vtdetns- And yet pcop CkhM sary oheek ti) use {)»c word ''ncee*»' U.T.C. MlLITARISATiDN With; the increase ot jscope and the tinie-njni* ccrintu«n. ilic lonna-lion ot the l>nivcv \vi!l evcnttially inrn lite Universities- into harrttcks.. BLIMPOCRATIC The peevish tlireais of a l^eckftnif-fian pttpj^t a; the War OlVice ;uid the insatiable sreed tor toy soldiers of the anti'Swiahsi hUtnjxic.racy arc alreatly too t>l>\io\t?« to l>o i£in<»recy hiy iheir paws on the Universities nothinj; short of a cataclysn\ uiU pry iheni loose. We had better fi^Jit back now. f.-^Uowin^ the lea ahernateiy lH»asit ' / . uhoui, atom.warfare and hide under " ¦*"—CWCyvrmo^NO tDENT5r--- ... r » t o.t unr e<.^>ttomy. the achievement of cannot bchcve hvAl oitr . hu^c independence, friendship w'ith the expcnditwe m on«' people n{ipos these ar*' unlv a proportion of : the jHM»nlano». So'jne lU'C Commnnist<, whr> wcndd hkc tt? sec thi> country nnabl<: to roist an attack hv the. IIS.S.K. f>n'ourselves 01' our hmopc^tt. attics. Thore**, .t'oiHiatti and ivjllitl liave confnined. that ihey w<»«hl help the Kussiati invader- The Omnnunists know tlnii ilunr pariv wdl never C"ine to power h> consinntjonal means in a c<.nintry h'ke <>rc;«t Urnnin, where the re^ult of clectiotts cnimol he "ngacd" in accuptUion, as in Ptdand, or an aruiosia in 1^)17. SINCERE PACIFISTS The :.wiher people \vh(» oppose the Tnaintenance. of armed forces are usually ed that " the ha.-;is of defence is a. str<.mg atul sound economy with a ftonrishing imhistry." It is obvious that we nnjst seek a balance l>etween maintaining snch large forces that the economy is tlislocated aiul so retlucini; the forces that every man is productive-—in the narrow sensc^ hut the country is defenceless. The solution dictated by tins and other iv that..--j>rsUvL - -wc. snonld n>ainiain ftdly-equtpped forccs )tisL stconjj enough to meet our com-ntitincnts; secondly, there should be a trained reserve ready for immeiliate s-^ervice, principally for home, de-fenctV; and thirdly, we should ntain-tain: ..cadres of njcn and- equi|)tncin ready to .absorb and train hv a ntimf. mnm period the three or fotir millions who woultl be n\obilised iji the event of war. BRITAIN'S COMMITMENTS (Hir fomimtmcnts, actual nnnv l>e snntmarised as fol-loxv.^; v1. Defencc of (Jreai Britam; Z, l<intf open the sea lanes ; »\. 0c-.njpatTon fluttes m Giirmany...Austria: a» Treaty and the Atlantic Pact; 5, Treaty obhgaitonv. to Grccce, Tur-]{cy and MuUUe Eastern countries. The-se n^ay st>on he extended and for-mah-^ed tmder a . regional dcfencc pact; 0. Stratcgtc cotnmitincnts for defcnce of the. s<^mt-circle of Cotn-jnoiuvealth countries bordering the Indian fJcean, frojii. .Xfcica. to Aus-traii.u T!n.^ anti the Pacific arett may fonn part of new. regional defence pacts; Such pjicts are pro-vidensidcr roductng our own 54. e.xiendable by Order in Conned. There wottld be IS months fnll-iime service and 5i years on the Reserve, with part-time training. On .March 3lst. 1947. tn the Committee Stage- of the Bill, the Mini.ster of Laljour defended the 18-month period on the grounds that an adwiuate period, of: training was essential and that the tftiinetl conscripts would afterwards be needed to help meet our commilmciu«; On the follow-i^ig day, April 1st. the Minister, of Defence ettdorsetl these arguments^ .Btit on April 3rd the Govemmaiit-tabled an amendment reducing tlie pcnovi to 12 tnontlts. Tliey had yichie and deienuent VITAL FOR PEACE In l')4S there were live million men in the arincti forces; in 1946. two million; in April. 713 thousand, and ill .March. 1950, the eslimaletl total will l>c 7.T0 thon.sand. This does not look like '•preparation for an atjgrcsiive war." U IS now held_ that conscription is f>tdy a metliod of nil:-ing the gap imlil the regular iorcW; come up to >'trcnglh. But at the probable rate of recruiting the regular tirmy alone would take 17 years lo do :: ¦$¦0. Evcii if living ai^d working conr ditions could *be improved, the scr-: vices v.'ould still be an unatiranp{>osed to keep |>aoj with that of sicmi-skillcd workers in industry: but. has not done so. In sotne cases : regulars are actually Teceivini| less now than they did before the iniro-duction of the much-vaunted new pavr.code in 1946. FAUTE DE MIEUX At the : s;ime tiinc, nobody likes conscription. Civilians disUke: it be--': cause of the arbitrar>' social and economic dislocation and the cartasl-ment of individual liberty. The services themselves very much disUke co})Sc;rtption because it toTCCs ims>*in^ ' ing and often unsuitable recruits upon -them for a period or service -which is still quite inadequate for :t^ai^mg^ and e.\peri€2icc in the technical arms; and " technical *' i< coming^ to mean tjearly all branches. .\il the evidence points to an overwhelming case-fpr regular forces with adequate pay.-But if for political and other reasxjns^ the Government cannot agree to higher pay-rr:Grcat Britain has-always: over-economised on her anned forc^ : in peacc-timc-KXinscription will : foute dc mmis. THE U-T.C. If you oppose armed forces m general, because you are a Sincere ~ padftst or because you would like to ' see this eotiotrj* defenceless, yoif oppose also the U.T.C, Sea». Anny and Air Cadets, etc. If, on the other ^ hand, you agree that Britam most ^ have armed forces, you will ^upp the U.T.C as a useful volt organisation in whidi tlte soldier can obtain pre-entry that will enable htm to ntake th< :of :: his :.'\rmv >rcr\'icc. XEVILUE BEALE. GERMANY and its STUDENTS TODAY By Klaus Herborn Klaus Hcrborn. aged 2'^. inas :ediic^, one has to bear in mind three things. Firsts that the real state of the students Inis only liccoine apparc?u .¦since the separate currency reform m the \Vc:il of Germany last smnmcr; secondly, that the development of the universittes tu Gcrmany/isi:beiug pursuecn«an: studcntv • v/as to procurc ^»u[!icient fotx!—^legally '. or i|liritly--;t«> maintain a minimuin : I Mandard :ub»i!iCence. Texthix^ks :yj'and jtioteljogks were practically un-. obtaimiblc. :The tcrn\'«i fees could Ih' paid- by selling : 4D. ;dKaretics on . the V black rtiarket. iiml one potmd of cjjItcc v»*3jf a l<^iK way tovvardi* payins a niortthV h(.wd :m«i hxlfing.' The hcm>ifig ftituiuion vcr\' ac'ute and thia in many case> pfcveijtc»udcnt> ¦ fpwn taking up ihcir studio no • i3i«ii :-caH/d he ha(l:in: the re^iitcftivc : ywygtsity t<«vn: ht lleidcibrr^f, whcec I study, the f^tudcni'^' cowtictl took |ht> rtmt' ;^rative, dmded ¦sonic ?!i5cus$ion u* call a general niccti«j< ^htit \^'av billed widely . die unlvcr&lly, a rct#rc-Ihc local in- to 3llw«f; Ujtt^ jhfijtc vfhii dill v.cir thf ittvkntx \p»»r| SMSSHiiii from a handful,: none of them seem'-thing tljrongh organised. conccrt
    en camc the currency retorni. It wa.< found: t)«at nuitc a large per-ccnfa.ttc of the students in Heidelberis. had to leave the tunvcrsity. inimeth-: ately, though they teiurnei the vacition as miners; ::::bocklave.r.s, handymen. etC; r The : student.: Wly : bravely- conc«tned.:.wUh tJte instability of the university's Hnances, ^nce ail^the assets of public ;bodie.^~ and in. Germany the universities- rank as ."^ch-—ha«l been annulled as a .. *"esult^ of the cnrrencj" reform. It was ifmnd in /'/i"frfe/6<'r/; that only .->.1 per xetifl of tlm ^itud^ts: fcceivetl «r;un^ fi^tn local auihorities lowardN their keep arw.l 20. per cctit had becJt framed a rpihiction in fees. These fiBure>, one tnu^t tesncmocr, apply tn .1 time previous lo tj»c curren^T reform. cilice wheti all funds for this purpiwe have been annulled or jtrcatK dccn}a.scd. In VVostern Gerwany at piesent Ihere virtually m system of irrawts for .sttidcnts all. This. largely la prwilo?e Utc rich, titii 3»j»y that xmlthy narcmii stut^ at «« ^jlany iittsd«st»t« w worklt^" their thrwu^li cAicy,^, .inu xmII do SO lont^ as sutlkietu .vacancies in iptlustry and conimerce remain to be filled by part-time student :workers. . indeed,. ; this: system is presented by ^Ome:.. West-German papers as llif-.way of studying. SOVIET DEVELOPMENT University edncation in the Soviet '/-one has developed on entirely different lines. In the initial .stases it had to cope with. great difficultiesi -Apart from material needs there was a srravc shortage of staff, since the Soviet autliorities refused — vei^-rightly to my mind—to sanction the: appointment of any prpfcssor or lec-tiirer previously a member of the N'nai Parly. There was asreeinent ;amonfr>t the. authorities concerned that it would he impossible to acijievc a democratic outlook ut the univer-: sitics without admitting .sulndeni ninnticrs:: ^of w-orkiiig^lass slndcms and subsidisinj,' them according to-.their rspres.entatiso in, the eomaiu-¦ iiity. This niea. s; tjovemment grant, varying according to his ikt-.^onal abilitie.'i .iiid the income of lvi« IMirents. In addition to that he is allowed a sub.'itamiat reduction in fees. The-sc grants arc aivardetl cm merit only. Attached to e\w university arc t................... ' centres, at which iwve not liad Ihe university hy rvm ycii The viaivl.nii ,11 thcf indiln.,, , in Western Gcmiany had no substantial effect on the fin:mccs of the universities, .since their assets were not «iple, the stn-;.dents .imoiis them.. Once we Cicmian; ^^^Jdents have grasped this, we have jione halt-\c(> to alter our smmewhat de.s|ier:itc situation. CQMMEMORATiON Bkil FRIDAY lath may 830 p,m. — 4 a.iru — TWO BANDS — MIDNIGHT Cy^AWT. BRIDGE TABLE No.1 ^ A nice easy proWera for a atart."^ Solutions shotdd be sent to the Edatdr^^-= by May 12th—the first three cotnrect4 ry ones; will be rc^varded b)' a pat ^ -ther^ back, ^ ^ Jv.r—S. are to make four otit «f the^ i five tricks; South has the Icskd an Booisho}) bi 'O«TC3 $ocio]: moral laith'^itd* .<;ode5j .1^ vtc,, »p fcfuse-:iaft>:^his opera glasses wtulc tiying to [.f-lwng' the chorus girls into iocus. to us frigid critics &erc was •"r'^«at interest in speculating on the !?i%cubic cajjadty of the costumes whidi, \vc*Te given to understand, were : ^ieashion^ and held in place hy a Mr. Will Power (tMj i^ti^on to 'the- i ¦"Stoor's IMgt'l). Jfhe dicor , dianged swiftly , and" flrcquently; TOlours glowed richly and pfls pissed across the stajjo in smooth, «adl«4s pageants, Thera -wcm! "dise-uws " stngmg:, and a droll tinte tome-•Uan "Who ;downed and crackcU unintelligible Fmtdi iokes io front ot a auttcring backcloth. Then, unexpectedly. and to the accompaninicnt of a loud crash fr«n by single step, bowing and crooning- c>i foutc, The next scene consisted of a ballet of sorts danced to the (revised) accompani-^ mentof < A Nighl on the Bare Moiui-lain," althongh we failed coinpletely to under^nd how the mountain came to be : involved. Evcrjthing apart trom the mountain was . . . well, not over-dres^. W^o. was the leadinir Hght-rrapart from tlic Qiicf Electrician? J.Bm of course. The inter\-al was heralded by the most un-Scottisli rendering of "Viems Lang Sync" and " Just a vee doch et dorris " that wc remember, You may be interested in the new light thrown upon histoiy by the Folics scrap-writer. Who really was ifarj". Queen of Scots? Not J.B.? But, yes, .I.E. it w.ns. S\lio ilid. Napoleon faU for? Three guesses! By the time tliat the climatic and melodramatic strip-tcise lodk. place ive were honestly not interested in lo. any longer, and by the time that both .^ve Marias had been reset to fit in Avith her dances wc were distinctly rawnful. There was a final ballet about Adam arid Eve and the Bevil. No names, no mud•^pacl^s neces-saij-;, hut we do feel that the Devil and :E\x might be recast into the opposite parts. U ¦ we might suggest mrther. it would be to add tliat if you happM: to visit. Parisi you might take the ldddi«s_ along to the Polies if you want . a quiets but not .fob. tame tinxc," and if they become bored during Uie threei-and-threc-quartcr long hour.s let them trot up ro the gallery and see who can count most wrinkles on Miss Baker^s face, ^ SMARTIE. DEVON: SOCCER and CIDER ; may be good economists, but they ain't footballers," was touchline vcrdict at Glyst St. Mary, Devon, on Saturday, -Aprii; i6th, when the iL.S.E. touring team- was defeated by five go^s : to one. Not a very encouraging start to the Soccer Club's first ^ster ; tour since the war. Ominous, too, for the remaining gam(s with Bud-IdghSalterton and Lympstone were also lost. However, as Jim Hillan, A.U. President, said after the match (wo quote the '' Exeter Express and Echo"):—" A sportsmanlike approach to the essentials of life would result in more tolerance being shown, not only bet\s'een indiyi-¦duals, but by nations." Chewing this over thoroughly, we can only hope that when next our hosts in East Devon read of the outrageous goings-on at the London School of Economics they will say to thein-¦ selves, " Well, those we met were half human, an3rway." ! Arri\-ing in Exeter on the evening of the Mth, the tourists were forced to change tlieir quarters the same night, due to excessively cramped accommodation. Thanltt to IDerek Jakes' cGoris as billeting officer, honies were found for everyone. At Exmouih on Good Friday there xvas liglit training on the beach before lunch. Two practice balls were used, the first being carried away by itjic" tide before anyone could say "•Jack Sheard." In the afternoon the team went:: round the . mimature. v. golf course in a steady procession'of fours, hater, tactics for the foUow-;ing- day's match with Clyst >311e>' .A.F.C were discussed in the Iqiinge of die " Ship." .. . Perhap.'; this rcndevous contributed to L.S,E.'s defeat. But the mam cause undoubtedly was the home team's all-round superiority. Jim Hillan ^ored a fine goal—his fifneth of the season, and had the ball run^ more Kridly for them, both Jack : Honevsett and. Dave Worrall ni^ht have scored. : eiyst,Valleys however, iiad the ^mewell in liand after the first ten . minutes. The home team s wingers, :Cbllingvi'ood and French, : were outstanding, and F. Causley. at centrc-h:tlf, gave very Irttlc avTOy. : Hillan and Honeysett were the pick of the L.S.E. forwards, and skipper Colin Furlong's first-time, clcaranc(a were excellently judged. The matcji was followed by lea in the Bntisli Legion Hall and later by a concert. During the interlude some of the visitors performed to good advantage at the "Half Moon." On the dart-boards. of .course. . . .Most of the team went dowi to Sidmouth on Etister Sunday m pre-paruiioii for tlie next da> s ganic ai Cudleigh Salterton. The remainder crossed the Iwrder into i^omcrsel to take lunch with ^^iss Polly Cooper, whom older readers will reinemoer as Union .Minute Sccretarj' when trank Cummins was President. Tlie Budleigh match once agam showed up the tourists' limitations when confronted with : teamwork and bard tackjiiig. L.S.fc.. should not have been two' goals down at .half-time. AN6EUNA . l^irecicd by Luigi Zampa. Photography: Mario Gravcrl Script : Hero Tcllim. A Lux Film production released in the U.K. by Filui Traders. Academy Cinema. The Academy' Ciueijia in its handout makes the claim ^at the current huUan fihu Ati^Hna" ranks with the Jaqutyt I'cyaer riiotlon picture classic "Ua Kcrmo^se Henoque." Tiiis. however, is more film traders szUes talk'and must be dismiissed as . such. Fcyder is acknowledged as one oi the gr^t creative minds of tlie citiema and a number of movies .ibly deinonstraie tliat fact; on the otlier hahd^ Zampa has so far dir,cGtcd u comi>et«it him on the impact of war on an Italian peasant family O'To Live in Peace 7^ and an opportunisi, aid-beggii^ quickie. His current otTerinif) Angelina,*' is based on a trite script given a social twist as it has the slums of Rome as its isetting. •Angelina (plaj'ed by Anna Mac-nani^ Italy's leading movie actress), tlie strong-minded, sliarpHongued wife of a police sergeant (Nando Bnmo), leads a successful looting of a si>r^hetti store and then a squatting incident in a block of luxurjv flats. As si>okcswoman of aii Italian equi\^leni of the Housewives' Lea^e. she turns to politics, becomes the local Mayoress and candidate for Parlijunent only to land herself in pri«>n for three sveeks following a clash with the [iolice. At this point the mood o£ the film dianges with almost, but not 'n>i[»thies were ihcre and then with her husband. Needless to say, this attempt to please all- political mastery both domestic and foreign, is completely uncohvinc-ihg and:: makes a m^iocrc iilrii no . mudi wot^e. : This film ts slackly directed, loosely constructed, and unduly repetitive; it is technically appalling, even for an Italian production, and weighed down by an excess of dialogue. Italian is : 'shouted at one from beginning to end and those who have learned the less volatile languages will be obliged to ; spend almost all their time reading -subrtitles^ with the consolation that they will be nn'ssing some of the poorest photography for many a long Credii;. however, must go to the wardrobe •tlepnrlmcm<'"c.st of the School forwards, and in defence only Tony Wright; at centre-half, appear^ to tns at home in this class of ft:K>i-ball. PLAYING TWO BALLS? The third and last match of tiic lour wias played on Tuesday evening at Lympstone's picturesque cHfT-top tround overlooking the mouth of Uie ^\e. Lyinpstone,: local champions for the past two seasons and- assisted by a former Exeter Gty player» ChalUs, were the most polished team the tourists'met. They were a shade unwise, though,, to rbst content witlv a one. goal lead, obtained after 25 minutes of tlic first half. With a quarter of aii hour to go, L.S.E. equalised through Brian Rowntas; from the right wing. Lympstone, who were unlucky wjien their secOnd goal was disallowed because of another ball on tlie pitch, hit back and scored just before time. Honeysett foraged tirelessly but the L.S.E. attacks .rarely looked dangerous. Centre-half Tony Wright, supported by two backs, Wi>rrall and Moruwetz, who believed in offcnce as the best means of defence, had often to do three men's work. Peter Rittcrn\an, in goal, made some splendid saves after a shaky start. Despite their tack of success on the field, the Soccer Club tourists had ever)' other reason for enjoying their trip to Exeter. The stm shone for ihem. and the beer and cider flowed in hospitable measure. Our thanks arc due to the oilicials and players of the three clubs and to Jim Hillan for cnablinjr us to spend Easter on tour. May this first not be the last WOMEN'S HOCKEY CLUB Women who play hockey are usu' allj' thought of as hardened Amazons. Ordinary folk shudder to think oi thern, these immensly strong and amazingly hearty females. Nor. indeed, is their effortless w'idding of that dangerous-looking sticky at all cdculated to put the onlookers nnnd at ease. But the L.S.E Women's Hockey Team hawlly confonns to this siaudar' prowess, it had tlie misfortune to be drawn against Bee. The most disastrous handirap this year has been the limited hiimber of , members in the Club and its consequent inability to raise two teams. -0ff aK Directed by Victor FJcniing> from the pliw "Joan o£ Lorraine" % Max well Anderson, With' Bergman. " If ever an actrcsst seemed destined to portmy a riven charaeccr" sayi the publicity biurb luinded to " Bea> vtr" at the Prcfl.«: showng. "that actrcss is Ingrid BergiTian. And the pan is that of Joan of Arc„'* Well, here is Miss Bergman* face to face wit!) Destiny, and m a pretty distressing 'siluatiotu despite the support of a £1,230,000 production, 10 months' researcli, and a script from-a pla>v--Maxwell Anderson's * Joan of Lorraine"-—in which she herself* had starred wUi great success oa Broadway. The result of two years' production, the film as a whole, and Miss Bergman's attempt at Joan in particular; is timid and disappointing. The dreary and pretentious script proves too: much for most of the cast, and must take its share of the blame, but surely the greatest handicap is Miss Bergman herself, who is far too atr tractive to play a sexless niystic. " She*s just a pretty girl in armour/* observes one of the more astute bit players, and tlus is almost the last word on the Bergtnan Joatu As Joan tlie Martyr she does well eiw^h, btit as Joan the Warrior—\yho was, aft^ all, tlie pre-condition of Joan the Xlartyr-T-she never convinces: the suit of arhiour (a ddightf^ly fetching little creation in .^umimum by the Is^ew York Metropolitan Museum) is an obvious embarrassment, to her although, tlie blurb tells us, it is only one-quarter the weight: of ^he real Joan's hattledre.t which you and I lake in it and on the amount of work and Umuiiht we put into it, \ KKNEE NATHAN. THE N.U.S. SOCIAL SCIENCE ASSOCIATION The first Annual General Meeting of this new faculty association vas lield in Bangor during the N.U.S. Congress and after several false starts it was decided to call it the N.U.S. Social Science 'faculty Asso-dation — which abbreviates to N-U.S.S.S.A. The main business before us at Banjior was to introduce N.U".S.S.S..\. on a finn basis, and to give it a usefid programme of activities to be carried out over the com-iiJS year. The Committee which was elected is widely disj)erscd over the countrj-, having representaiives from Liverpool, Manchester» Lewis, tingham. Newcastle, Oxford. King's H. & S.S. (London) ;uid the old faitli-lul, L.S.E, Wc spent a lot of time ironing out loopholes, in the draft constinuion. There seemed to be a widespread fear of L.S.E. domiua-lion. which wc, of course, could not uiulerstand, but we managed to live this down-^-aud no one at anv time Migge$tchers: it is ubmuhuuly clear that the L.S.E. will he by far the largest constituent bo{ly. 'Hie \v<»rk of ihc association for the coming year i.s embodied iu this resolutionK.U.S.S.S.A. shall undertake a survey into the currlcida of cotirses and scheme.^ of practical work undertaken by lUnjrec, diplouui and certificate by social science stU' denis, in tclaiton to the whole employ-inetit problems facing social science sin-tients, and to make recommendations IBANCfOm CONGKi iamtlnati from front pcft) IjYSENKO and VINTAGE KEN' After five ' session was addressed by Mr. C. R. Morris, the Vice-Qiancellor. of Leeds University, and was perhaps the most interesting from die student's }X)itit of view. It was, in eftect, an introspective exami-.v. -m2imh~t5r-^!Tc-'««i»T.^-witcf^nmnoniror student life, and the Contributions, partiailarly those from students at training colleges, made one realise how easily one accepts tiie near-autonomy allowed in the older colleges without fully ai^predating its value. The main event in the afternoon was the discussion held by ihe Con>-munist Socicly, in whidi Ken Wat-kins gave ajj analysis of Britain's Economic Crisis. Tins followed a discussion held tiie ijrevious Wctlncs-day emitLHl, The Communist Alternative," and it is true to say that many who came to jeer .stayed lo listen. Indeed, tliis tolerant attitude among divergent views w-as general, although one could not resist the impression that the Conununists as a Ixidy Ois-nlayced our norma! exuianimity; and pirates. cowI>oys, Indians (coihicr opera) .ind other motley siiidents prance^l or danced their way through tiie evening to the general amusement of all. Thus it endetl: Our gratitude (and sympath5e.y ^ IIANCD in the Sports Pavilion PdWlshed iby the Student* Union-of the l.ondon School of EcoaomM' and printed by Speedee Pr«H:Sert!5^ deptt.), 104 Union Str«otvS.E,l.