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22/11/05 Issue630
The newspaper of the
LSESU
Playing with plasticine at Oxford


Mum's new re-release
Page 22 in PartB
Photograph: Alex Teytleboym
LSE SU UNICEF Society raises money for the End Child
Exploitation Programme last week	Stoiy, page 3
Bank fraud hits LSE campus cashpoint
Chris Colvin
Concerns for the safety of users of the Houghton Street NatWest cash machines mounted last week following a fraudulent attempt to withdraw money from an LSE lecturer's bank account.
The bank informed Fanella Cannell, a social anthropology lecturer, that her card had been copied using a magnetic card reader and that her PIN code had been recorded using a wireless hidden camera stuck onto the machine itself.
In an email forwarded to the Students' Union and departmental administrators, Cannell recommended that 'everyone who has used the machine recently might want to check their account to make
sure nothing is missing'.
Although the fraudsters failed to steal any of the lecturer's money, the incident highlights the dangers associated with withdrawing cash from the street.
Bernie Taffs, the LSE's Head of Security, told The Beaver that students should take extra care when using cash machines in the capital. "Students are seen as more easy targets to these thieves" Taffs said.
"The [School's] buildings are old and this makes security very difficult. We don't have the resources to install and monitor a camera at the bank.
"Ultimately the security is up to the student who is using the machine. I would recommend students to go inside [the bank] to get their money."
But Taffs was keen to stress there is no crime wave afflicting the School."It's very safe in general," he said.
In a separate incident, a 25-year-old MSc student at the School was defrauded of nearly £600 from his NatWest account between 9 and 11 November.
The student, who is currently in the process of reclaiming his money, explained to The Beaver that someone had got hold of his bankcard details and PIN code and had used them to withdraw the money from his account.
He said; "I knew something was wrong on the Friday [11 November]
when my card was
Ideal Celebs?
Our beloved sports editors are leaving us, but not without the most aesthetically pleasing figments of their imagination.
Page 20
ULU dismisses homophobic chair
Sam Jones
Executive Editor_
The embattled Chair of the University of London Union (ULU), Luca Manfredi, was last week removed from office following a motion of no confidence passed against him for homophobia by ULU council
Manfredi was roundly condemned from across the University of London for homophobic and misogynist remarks made last year before he became University College London Students' Union (UCLU) General Secretary and Chair of ULU.
Manfredi wrote on a public discussion forum that he would shoot his gay son, as was reported in The Beaver issue 626. Manfredi also posted remarks inciting disbelief from members of the Muslim and Jewish communities. Writing on the UCL online discussion forum, Manfredi said he would say to his son: "...son, I keep a gun in my desk. If you ever discover being gay, use it on you before telling me" adding, "...I'm gonna [sic.] stick to the first option [sic.] until they introduce me to their same-sex friends. At that point I would commit two murders."
Called to account in a discussion initiated at last month's ULU council, Manfredi failed to apologies despite prompts from ULU officials and Executive Officers. Instead, Manfredi insisted that the remarks had been made "a very long time ago", and that he intended to concentrated on "doing everything I can to help ULU." After the meeting, Manfredi circulated an apology, in which he explained that "the comments were never intended to cause the trouble that they did" and were "...only directed against a
very specific group of people."
In an impassioned speech to ULU delegates at last Monday's council meeting, ULU Vice President of Welfare and Student Affairs Nicky Grant said,"ULU believes that every student has the right to study in an environment free from prejudice, no one should have to study in fear. There is no justification for threats of violence to other individuals... The strength of feeling expressed by students leads us to resolve that we have no confidence in the chair".
The LSE's four ULU delegates were mandated to support the no confidence motion two weeks ago by an emergency motion submitted to the LSE Students' Union (SU) General Meeting (UGM).
Manfredi spoke in his own defence, telling delegates that at no time had he intended to offend so many people. "I wish I could go back in time and take back what I had said," explained Manfredi.
The Council Meeting, which lasted an unprecedented three and a half hours, rose to a peak after delegates controversially moved to hold a 'poll vote', in which all delegates would have to publicly cast their votes on a recorded ballot.
Manfredi left the room as the vote began, and was called back in for Paul Rossi, ULU Senior Treasurer, to announce that the motion of no confidence had passed by 27 votes in favour with five abstentions and five votes against, narrowly scraping the 25 votes required.
LSE SU Communications Officer and ULU Executive Officer without portfolio, Chris Heathcote, asked Manfredi at council whether he was apologising to keep his job or whether he was sincere. Manfredi told council he was
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Manfredi: ousted
Manfredi: ousted
"definitely not doing it just to hang on to my job", but after the motion passed told The Beaver that his apology was "all bullshit".
"I don't really care about ULU" Manfredi said, continuing, "when I was running for General Secretary at UCL I said I thought that the whole of ULU should just be burnt down and given to UCL."
See Editorial, page 7
Cheap is Chic?
The seemingly strange world of fashion has yet again confounded us all by declaring that cheap clothes, read Stella McCartney's H&M line, are now deemed to be fashionable.
Page 14 in PartB
Hackgalore
The Beaver takes a good, hard look into what makes a hack, and of course who the LSESU's most notorious hacks are.
Pages 16-17
+

02
22 November 2005
iBeaverlNews
ULU presidential by-election blocked
Tanya Rajapakse
Senior Reporter
The executive committee of the University of London Union (ULU) has controversially decided not to elect a new president following the resignation of Stewart Halforty.
The decision was announced at the second ULU Council meeting of the year held last Monday, following a ruling made by ULU Returning Officer Rt Rev Stephen Williams. It came following a meeting of the ULU
Executive on Thursday 10 November when the remaining Sabbatical officers presented a report detailing the options available in the wake of Halforty's resignation.
According to former LSE ULU Council representative and current ULU Executive member Chris Heathcote, the report concluded that it was best for the remaining Sabbatical officers to share the workload; a decision which he said was not appreciated by several members present. Heathcote said that several ULU Executive members believe that the Sabbatical
officers are already stressed and are not in a position to handle the extra work that will be delegated to them. He was also of the opinion that the response focused more on Halforty's faults and indulged in "character assassination" rather than dealing with Halforty's allegations about ULU's weaknesses.
Heathcote mentioned that when they were questioned as to the wisdom of this decision, the Sabbatical officers had become frustrated and complained that they were "not trusted" and "criticised", which resulted in Vice-
President of Welfare and Student Affairs Nicky Grant storming out of the meeting after swearing at the Executive members. He said she neither returned nor apologised for her actions.
Meanwhile an email sent out to ULU societies by Vice-President of Sports and Societies, Laura Bigg-Wither, stated "...certain members of Council wanted us to conduct an investigation in to what Stewart felt was wrong with ULU. I argued that we should be doing a Strategic Review into the whole organisation rather than an investigation in
to only a few areas. This is what is going to happen and will hopefully lead to a lot of improvements at ULU." She also writes, "If I don't answer emails as quickly as normal, I promise I'm not ignoring you, we just suddenly have a lot more work!H"
LSE Students' Union (SU) Returning Officer Doug Oliver commented that the decision not to hold a by-election was "symptomatic of the opaque and highly complex manner in which ULU elections are conducted." He noted "while it seems clear to me that if ULU had the will, a new president
could be elected before March, this situation highlights the fundamental weakness of ULU's current election procedure." According to Oliver, most candidates for ULU Sabbatical and Executive positions are elected on "miniscule turnouts" or usually "run for posts uncontested".
Bigg-Wither told The Beaver that the current ULU Sabbs support the decision to not elect a new president and that "ULU is about embark on a phase of review with the aim to producing a Strategic Plan to make ULU more relevant to today's climate."
SU Officers obliged to post letters on site
Charles Kennedy preaches to the converted
Isabella Steger
Senior Reporter
Patrick Cullen
Senior Reporter_
Charles Kennedy MP, leader of the Liberal Democrat Party, gave a speech to LSE students in the Shaw Library at the behest of the LSE Students' Union (SU) Liberal Democrat Society on 15 November.
Arriving ten minutes late, Kennedy tore through his speech in under 45 minutes, leaving just enough time for a quick straw-poll of voting intent amongst the audience -which, unsurprisingly, showed that the majority inatended to vote Liberal Democrat at the next election - and a few photographs of Kennedy with two of his MPs and various LSE students, including The Beaver's very own left-wing columnist Andy Hallet.
His speech centred around attracting the youth vote to the Liberal Democrats, specifically the party's attempt to lay out its position on increasing the number of 18 to 24-year-old voters who exercise their right to vote, saying that it was a "national disgrace that only 40 percent of 18 to 24-year-olds are registered to vote." He went on to outline policies designed to attract them to both the polling booth and, in particular, the Liberal Democrat Party.
The introduction of proportional representation for the general election and giving the vote to 16-year-olds were two policies discussed. The current system "needs thorough reform," said Kennedy. "Addressing the neglect younger people face" in order to reduce crime and social exclusion. Referring to Stockport's Liberal Democrat council, he declared that the "Liberal Democrats are leading the way," and that "respect is a two-way street."
However, Kennedy did not stay for questions, neither from the floor nor from The Beaver - the reason given was that he had to be back at parliament in order to vote, and he was running late. Kennedy was unavailable for comment despite efforts made both through the LSE SU Liberal Democrat Society and Kennedy's press office.
Overall, the speech was well received, with no heckling and several laughs - although it could be argued that this was due more to the refusal of Kennedy to do more than touch on controversial issues, the rapidity with which Kennedy left the Shaw Library ruling out the possibility of questions, and that most of the audience appeared to at least sympathise with the Liberal Democrat position, if not actively support the party.
At last week's Union General	Meeting
(UGM), LSE Students' Union (SU) Treasurer, Natalie Black, proposed the motion that Students' Union Sabbatical officers should 'make public' letters that they are mandated to write by the UGM. The motion passed convincingly.
SU Sabbatical officers are required, when relevant motions are passed at the UGM, to send letters to various bodies and individuals to reflect the student body's desire for change on a certain issue.
Black noted that although the UGM frequently mandates officers to send such letters, they are seldom made public and are usually not followed up by the UGM. The replies to these letters are also rarely seen. She also insisted that all letters should be the decision of the UGM and not the individual officers.
"I took a judgment call to delay sending the letter whilst we were in negotiations with the School and the de Menezes family"
Rishi Madlani
SU General-Secretary
To create some sort of accountability in the system, Black suggested that all UGM-mandated letters should be posted by the Communications Officer on the LSE SU website, with their replies, within two weeks of a motion being passed.
When questioned over the whereabouts of these letters, LSE SU General Secretary Rishi Madlani replied: "I am completely up to date with all my letters", and said that he had sent all his letters within one week of the motion being passed.
Since last Thursday, Madlani's letters have been posted on the LSE SU website.
However, it appears that some of the letters shown were in actual fact sent up to two weeks after each UGM motion had been passed. One noticeable delay is the time lag between the sending of the Justice for Jean letter to Howard Davies on 7 November and the relevant UGM motion which was passed at week three's UGM on 20 October. In his defence, Madlani claimed: "I took a
judgment call to delay sending the letter whilst we were in negotiations with the School and the de Menezes family."
-There was also a significant gap between the Religious Hatred Motion Bill passed at the UGM on 13 October, and the letters to Tony Blair and Charles Clarke being sent on 28 October.
The UGM motion mandates the Communications Officer to submit an article to
The Beaver with a summary of the "most interesting letters and their responses for publication in the final edition of the year." Whilst there is no obligation on this publication's behalf to publish such an article, the subjectivity of choosing the "most interesting" letters has received some criticism by those concerned. Sabbatical Officers could exclude letters which they do not personally agree with.
Charles Kennedy urged youths to vote at LSE talk
SU Treasurer Natalie Black appeals to UGM	Photograph: Alex Teytelboym
iBeaverlNews
22 November 2005
03
Money raised for children
Saabira Chaudhuri
In an attempt to raise money to support UNICEF's End Child Exploitation Programme, the LSE Students' Union (SU) UNICEF society organised a fundraiser on Wednesday 16 November outside the library and on Houghton Street.
Dedicated	members
braved the cold, donating their time to collect funds, and eventually raising a total of £225 that will be contributed to the UNICEF campaign.
The End Child Exploitation Programme is a three year effort spearheaded by UNICEF in the UK. The programme seeks to raise awareness about the global problems of child trafficking, child labour and commercial sexual exploitation. It also aims to raise £5 million in funds for practical programmes aimed at ending child exploitation across the world and to advocate for changes in UK law and public policy. Launched in January 2003, the programme's ambas-
sadors are Trudie Styler, Robbie Williams, Ralph Fiennes, Jemima Khan and Sir Alex Fergusson.
Being a relatively new society has not prevented LSE's UNICEF society from initiating and supporting several campaigns to elicit concern for issues and events relating to the United Nations Children's Fund.
The society's recent efforts have included a different fundraiser for earthquake relief in Pakistan and involvement in refugee week events organised by Student Action for Refugees society (STAR) and the Film Society. The UNICEF society is currently about 250 members strong.
In a statement to The Beaver regarding the student attitude on campus, society chair Max Baldwin Orero remarked: "A lot of people were really eager to donate and find out what the campaign was about.
"While there does seem to be a large tendency for students simply to ignore and walk past, or say they don't have time, that is their choice
and I accept it. We have to focus on the people who do actually care and want to make a difference, as it is through their positive response that the ethical societies on campus can have an impact."
. Students who took the time to stop at the information stall on Houghton Street not only contributed to a good cause, signed a petition for parliament, and picked up brochures about the programme, but were also able to enter a raffle in which the winner will receive a free meal for two at one of five restaurants in London.
UNICEF society members indicated that the primary aim of Wednesday's initiative was not simply to raise funds, but rather to create an awareness about their cause, as well as to establish a strong presence on campus.
Lucie Goulet, the UNICEF society press and publicity officer, stated: "We definitely want to raise awareness and funds because awareness will last, and will hopefully have significant results in the long run."

UGM demands fair pay for all LSE staff
Andy Hallett
Students support UNICEF on Houghton street
Photograph: Alex Teytelboyns
Last week's Union General Meeting (UGM) saw the student body voting overwhelmingly to pass a motion endorsing a "Living Wage" of £6.70 per hour for all LSE staff. Proposed by Alice Brickley, substantial political weight was added through its secondment by the LSE Student's Union (SU) Environment and Ethics Officer Joel Kenrick.
The motion states that the national minimum wage, £5.05 per hour, is "insufficient for those living and working in London" and the sabbatical officers have been mandated to "investigate the pay and conditions for staff at the LSE" before reporting back to the UGM in two weeks.
"We shouldn't want [our] education to come at the cost of someone else's' quality of life."
Alice Brickley
LSE Student
Speaking to The Beaver, a spokesperson for the LSE confirmed that "all staff employed by the LSE are paid at least £6.70 an hour." However, this could still mean that the staff employed by firms that provide services, such as cleaning, that the LSE has contracted-out could be being paid less than the Living Wage, since they are not directly employed by the School. The motion
passed by the UGM includes specific remarks concerning such people, and their right to fair pay.
After questioning from The Beaver, Brickley further explained the motion and her motives for submitting it. Describing its progress as "a long process of awakening", Brickley said it was an ideal time to pass the motion as Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London, had recently endorsed the policy.
The campaign was launched by an East London citizens' group in 2002. The Greater London Authority came up with the figure of £6.70 after "extensive research on living costs in London" and Queen Mary University has recently begun their own Living Wage campaign.
At the UGM, the opposition to the motion repeated the arguments used against the national minimum wage, that it would create unemployment by pricing out labour. Brickley dismissed such comments, pointing out that the introduction of the minimum wage several years ago had not impacted on the UK's "incredible employment level".
Commenting on the process of contracting-out services like cleaning, she argued that "it would always be better if the contracts were in-house...[as] the direct employment relationship is more secure."
Furthermore, the director of the LSE, Howard Davies, recently suggested that the School's financial situation is secure, implying that the LSE can easily absorb any pay rises that may result if cleaning and catering are done in-house.
Brickley told The Beaver, the important issue with this motion is that we shouldn't "want [our] education to come at the cost of someone else's' quality of life."
LSE students and staff affected by bank card fraud
from page 1
blocked, but I didn't fully realise what was going on till I returned to the bank on Monday [14 November]."
When he found out what had happened, he reported the incident to the police, who have opened a file on his case. Although he is unsure exactly where and how the fraudsters got his card information, the student is certain that it was at a cash machine as he does not use his card elsewhere.
The experience has frightened the 25-year-old away from using cash machines in the future "because you don't know whether they're safe". He said: "the bank told me that such cases are fairly common and I don't want it to happen to me again."
But Britain's high street banks are fighting back; the introduction of chip and pin cards has helped reduce credit and debit card fraud by 13 percent, according to the
Association for Payments Clearing Services (APACS), a trade association for institutions delivering payments services to customers. An APACS report published this month states that plastic card fraud totaled £219.4 million during the six months to the end of June, down from £252.6 million during the same period of the previous year.
This incident follows a series of investigations into the quality of service Natwest provides to students at the School, further bringing into doubt whether the bank is the appropriate one to be placed on LSE campus.
"The bank told me that such cases [of fraud] are fairly common and I don't want it to happen to me again."


Anonymous Student This cash machine is at the centre of a bank fraud
Photograph: Alex Teytelboym
Union Jack
J
ack wonders how to tackle a UGM with just two motions.
By and large it's been a boring week, with far less intrigue than Jack would have liked. The UGM was a tame affair.
Perhaps a bit of conflict is in the air, however, as Jack detects Natalie 'after eights' Black may be a little annoyed with Fishi 'you're spoiling me Mr Ambassador' Madlani. Has Fishi been sending his letters? Apparently so. Jack suspects Black just wants to write some of her own.
Talking of Gensecs (motions now aside), Jack enjoyed watching Widow Twanky Tam flounder on stage. Having fixed Passfield elections and the Finance Society's AGM, one UGM goer wondered how Twanky was going to fix his Gensec election. Others wondered how the hell he had got elected to Societies in the first place. While Tarn's case for the defence was less convincing than Adolf Eichmann pleading ignorance, Jack suspects his chances at Gensec are undented.
Kreepy Krebbers, meanwhile, may never work in Union politics again - tainted goods are tainted goods - this Dutch import may have got past Her Majesty's Customs, but Fishi's Union won't have him.
Jack noticed that Dutch courage failed the little miscreant and he disappeared from the OT faster than Pim Fortuyn from a.black-Islamic-women's-liberation rally. Jack notes that Fortuyn was shot by a white collar left-wing environmentalist and wonders whether Red Csepel would like to do the honours? Either way, Jack looks forward to hearing Krebbers's explanation at next week's UGM.
Jack is-slightly perplexed by all of this conflict of interest malarky however. Surely, all politics involves a 'conflict of interests' as so termed by the crusaders, none more so that LSE SU politics. (Conflicts of) interest are surely what win elections. Instead Jack suspects old grievances are being born out: kut the Krebbers, bury the Beaver and knife Nazir. Jack smells halitosis Heathcote at work.
On the positive side, at least C&S are being made to sing for their money: Jack likes nothing more than accountability and there's nothing quite like a motion of no confidence to remind the careerists who's boss. Rumour has it even lib dem Clem may be paying attention to what the voters think, rather than what he thinks of the voters.
Until next time, yours ever embittered, Jack.
04
22 November 2005
leaver! News
Transatlantic relationship denuded at LSE
Anatol Lieven and John Micklelhivait compare the US and UK on economies, politics, and religion Photograph: Alex Teytelboym
Andrew Thomson
Uncle Sam may be a foreign creature to many Europeans, but he's no alien either, according to two respected British commentators on American politics and society who spoke at the LSE last week.
Anatol Lieven, senior research fellow at the New America Foundation in Washington, and John Micklethwait, US editor of The Economist, both tried to shed light on Euro-American relations during the Cold War Studies Centre lecture on 15 November at the Old Theatre.
The 90 minute debate touched on torture, God, and everything in between as both men enumerated diverging social and political trends between the two societies.
Lieven, recent author of America Right or Wrong: An Anatomy of American Nationalism, argued that current debates over the use of torture against suspected terrorists are overheated. European democracies don't possess clean hands when it comes to torture and mistreatment in its former colonies, Algeria and Kenya were given as examples. He explained that American rhetoric is what makes transgressions such as Abu Ghraib seem more hypo-
critical in the eyes of foreigners.
Lieven pointed out that the United States breaks with Europe in three crucial categories: the economy and role of the state, religion, and national identity."These are not little things," he said.
Micklethwait, co-author of The Right Nation, an analysis of America's modern conservative movement, pointed to sharp differences in public opinion and political ideology between the US and Europe— especially over democracy and human rights. These stereotypes about each other have only been exacerbated in recent months by coverage of Hurricane Katrina and the French banlieue riots.
"I think there is a deep and abiding suspicion [amongst Americans] of what's happening in Europe right now," he told the large audience.
Micklethwait went on to cite economic productivity, labour laws, and demographics as three further differences. Pundits and scholars alike have also pointed to the explosion of both conservative politics and evangelical Christianity in helping drive a wedge between the transatlantic relationship.
Both Lieven and Micklethwait agreed that most Europeans —and even many liberal Americans—have little
sense of this phenomenon when visiting New York, San Francisco, and other urban locales.
"[Europeans] don't go to conservative America except to kill wildlife or buy horses," Micklethwait joked. "But [President] Bush does represent something very real in
America."
However, though formal, legalistic support for multilateralism appears to be a non-starter among Republicans and Democrats, both men argued that Iraq's harsh lessons may renew calls for a more informal and pragmatic brand of international co-
operation. In fact, there has been an easing of cross-Atlantic tension since the 2004 presidential election, as Israel/Palestine and Iran remain hotspots.
Yet Lieven remained sceptical about the ability of American political leaders to learn lessons from the past
three years. "Are they prepared to make real concessions on critical issues? That question is still very much open," he said.
Micklethwait possessed a slightly higher dose of optimism. "In the past there's always been a degree of tension and we've always patched it up," he said.
Muslim Youth Forum critical of New Labour foreign policy
Charity
Universities UK
RAG Week
Students' Union
On 14 November, the UK branch of Middle East Non-Violence and Democracy (MEND) was launched in the LSE's Old Theatre. MEND have been active in the occupied territories since 1998, training Palestinians in areas such as conflict resolution and media. The launch was accompanied by a panel discussion which featured the Palestinian Minister for Jerusalem.
Jess Brammar
According to the Times Higher Education Supplement (THES), Universities UK (UUK) suppressed publication of a vital report concerning university students' finances, which was presented in December 2003. Apparently the study showed that potential students were being : deterred from higher education by fear of debt. It also linked students' term-time employment with poorer performance.
Mandy Lau
This year's Raising and Giving (RAG) week will be supporting four charities, Communications Officer Chris Heathcote announced on Thursday's UGM. They include: St Mungo's, a local homelessness charity; Strokes Research UK, a national charity; Wateraid, an international charily; and the Disasters Emergency Committee (DEC). The RAG task-force aims to raise £10,000, a bold 50% leap from last year's total.
Mandy Lau
Last week saw the SU Students With Disabilities (SWD) week organised by the SWD officer, Kanishka Aubeelack. Throughout the week, the SWD Society manned a stall in the quad, answering student's questions about disability. Various events were held, including a sign language class. Also Howard Davies met with students to discuss disability.
Elaine Londesborough
raised. Goggins maintained that the 7 July bombings should be seen as the responsibility of those who committed the atrocity and that it was wrong to blame either the Muslim community or the government.
He outlined the government's proposals over incitement to religious hatred and suggested that there was "confusion" in the media as to what it would actually entail. Goggins also praised The Guardian's initiative in attempting to understand the views of young Muslims through the forum and argued that there was a need to "hear more from the youth and the women of the Muslim community", but was clearly uneasy when challenged as to why the government had not made significant attempts to engage in such discussion.
In his summary talk, Ramadan, emphasised that at present there is too much confusion between the religious and cultural. He argued that there is a need for Muslims to recognise that they are Muslim by religion, but British by culture; any vision for the future must incorporate this.
Fatima Manji
A selected panel of young Muslim students and professionals were invited to the second of The Guardian's Muslim Youth Forums held at the LSE last Wednesday.
This year the event consisted of panel discussions on
issues facing the British Muslim community, followed by a talk given by Professor of Islamic Studies; Tariq Ramadan who is currently based at Oxford's St Anthpny's College.
Allegedly, Home Secretary Chaiies Clarke had also previously agreed to attend, however he later declined and Junior
Minister Paul Goggins, who had responsibility for drafting the Bill outlawing incitement to religious hatred, presented the government's perspective on the various concerns raised.
Discussions ranged from who should be held responsible for the 7 July bombings; whether the Bill against incitement to religious hatred
will truly protect Muslims or limit free speech and if the current three party model of political	representation
reflects • the interests of Muslims and the social and cultural realities of being a British Muslim. The debates demonstrated the diversity and different opinions amongst Muslims as there
were clear divides on issues such as culture, political representation, faith schools and integration.
The vast majority of participants were critical of both New Labour's foreign policy, mainly Iraq and the War on Terror. The government's failure to take any blame for the events of 7 July was also
Young Muslim students and professionals join an Oxford professor and a Junior Labour Minister	Photograph: Christian Sintbaldi, The Guardian Picture Desk
leaver I News
22 November 2005
05
Careers in the media not worth the trouble?
Philip Hutchinson
"¥""""Vpn't work in the Inedia" were the
J—-^rousing opening remarks of James Marshall, one of the panelists at the LSE SU Media Group's first joint careers event. The talk attracted a considerable crowd of both LSE students and students from other colleges of the University of London to the Old Theatre. Entitled 'Careers in the Media - an Insiders Guide', it brought together six panelists from areas including PR, advertising and film production, to explain what they actually do.
Marshall, an Assistant Producer working on documentaries for BBC4, argued that "To work in TV, you have to have an edge." Pointing out that a career in television is often "awful", he advocated gaining some "life experience" before launching headlong into a career straight from academia.
Orin Gordon of the BBC Caribbean Service emphasised that budding broadcast journalists have to be prepared to be patient, and to spend years perfecting the "craft" of journalism.
A tuxedo sporting Julian Tanner, the founding CEO of major European PR company AxiCom, gave a talk ironically entitled: 'PR: More than Just Wining and Dining'. Tanner talked enthusiastically about the challenges and rewards of working in the PR industry, taking pains to stress it as a
"serious profession".
The importance of common sense was emphasised by Nigel Scott, Creative Director of the events management company Out of the Blue. Scott, like his fellow speakers, also advocated getting as much experience in the industry as possible.
Winnie Li, a producer who has worked on numerous award winning features as part of her work at the Ugly Duckling Films company, explained the complexities, long days, low pay and frustration inherent in her job. Despite the difficulties, Li described her industry as "tremendously exciting, challenging and creative." To get a foot in the door in this sector, she suggested volunteering your services as an unpaid intern.
The final speaker was Niall Brennan, currently researching for a PhD at the LSE. He, in common with all the other speakers, initially seemed to discourage anyone from working in his sector, advertising. Nonetheless, he conceded that advertising is apparently creatively and intellectually satisfying, and if you are successful, financially rewarding.
The evening concluded with questions to the floor, which tended to be camouflaged requests for jobs. All of the panelists agreed that networking was very important in their industries, but that it had to be done with a genuine and human face.
The panel offered details on how to get hired in the media industry
Photograph: Alex 'Jfeyteibpym
Always take the weather with you; NUS climate action
Alexander Lemer and Kevin Heutschi
On 17 November the National Union of Students (NUS) held a national day of action on climate change with events taking place across the country. The London event was held outside King's College. Students, unfazed by the 6C temperature, wore swimwear
to demonstrate what future winters in London may be like if no action is take against global warming. A steel band beat in protest with students during their demonstration to emphasise the incongruity.
Other events included the panel debate held by the Cambridge	University
Students' Union on climate change and the potential impacts on our health, education and the global economy.
The protests hoped to get students warmed up for the worldwide rallies that will take place on 3 December. The December demonstrations are timed to coincide with the Climate Conference, the first meeting of states party to the Kyoto Protocol, in Montreal being held from 28 November to 9 December.
The London march will go from Lincoln's Inn Fields at 12.00 noon via Kingsway to the
ExxonMobil Offices (adjacent to the LSE), the Australian Embassy, on to Grosvenor Square and the US embassy for speeches. Speakers are to include Norman Baker MP (Liberal Democrat Shadow Environment Secretary), George Monbiot, Michael Meacher MP (an LSE alumnus), Caroline Lucas MEP (Green Party) and Fazlun Khalid, Director of the Islamic Foundation for Ecology and
the Environmental Sciences.
In recent weeks the issue of climate change has once again been at the centre of media attention after Tony Blair suggested that Britain may opt out of the Kyoto treaty arguing that no country will want to sacrifice its economy in order to meet this challenge. He went on to highlight the importance of getting the USA and Australia on board in the next major treaty on climate
Where do we
Andy Hallett
Last Wednesday evening, media professionals assembled in the Hong Kong theatre to discuss the "the intellectual press in a TV age". The engaged audience combined with the weighty panel of journal editors to produce a lively discussion.
The many difficulties of running a magazine like Prospect or the New Humanist was a recurring theme throughout the evening. Several of the editors present admitted they lost up to two-thirds of their circulation year-on-year. However, distinguished media commentator Stephen Glover pointed out that profitability was not an impossibility, and remarked on the success of The Spectator in sales figures.
Whilst the panel pondered the ethics of receiving money from Rupert Murdoch or the Chinese government, the editor of Index on Censorship, Ursula Owen, claimed that "all
day
change.
The treaty aims to cut greenhouse gas emissions to below 1990 levels by 2012, an eight percent cut for EU countries. The Kyoto treaty has been ratified by 141 countries contributing 55 percent to the worlds total pollution. However, critics of the Protocol claim that it will have no effect on climate change, as the world's greatest polluter has failed to ratify the treaty.
go to think?
money is dirty money...we clean it up".
David Goodhart, the editor of Prospect, described his magazine as a "public good" and his career as being in the "intellectual entertainment business".
It was remarked that the continuing dumbing-down of television was perhaps expanding the niche for intellectual journals. In addition, the mainstream press are losing circulation as a whole, and since journals had tended to use the internet earlier than the broadsheets their long-term future could be more assured.
Owen spoke most persuasively of the important "different functions" of print and the internet, and hence there being no need to trade-off between the two. The fact that the New Humanist and others were now increasingly trying to provoke their readers, rather than simply confirming their preconceptions, was another indication of increased virility in thinking magazines.
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06
22/11/05
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How to no confidence C&S
Chair of the LSE SU Constitution and Steering Committee, Clem Broumley-Young explains how C&S must change and who must go.
At last week's UGM I was asked whether or not I thought two C&S members had acted appropriately. One had abstained with the words "I don't vote [ at C&S meetings] because it doesn't matter", whilst the other had joined a s.ociety's committee when he knew full well he would have to judge on the same committee's actions at an upcoming C&S meeting. At the UGM I represent the committee and therefore cannot always offer my personal opinion. However, of course I think it's absurd that Arthur Krebbers joined the Finance Society Committee at the time he did and I would hope that Nazir Hussein begins to care more about what C&S does since he ran for that position. Indeed I did not speak against the Vote of No Confidence against C&S because at the time it was proposed I was considering voting in favour of it, I did not because I am pessimistic.
I say this because I seriously doubt a second cross campus ballot would provide the Union with seven outstanding people of unapproachable integrity and deep respect for the C&S Committee. Indeed, if it was true that the motion of No Confidence was primarily directed against Arthur Krebbers, then it was a waste of time - I would be very surprised if he was not re-elect-ed. The ultimate problem
(9
I would say that three or four members of the Executive . are there because of their policies, a handful of others because the electorate genuinely thought they would do a good job and the rest because they know a lot of people.
is not restricted to this year or simply to C&S, it is far worse, for it is that most students could not care less about this Union or who runs it.
When election turnout is so low, indeed when hacks are congratulating themselves about just over 1400 students voting (out of a student body of around 7,500), then we are bound to be up shit creek. If so few people decide who our officials will be then it means that victories can be based on popularity - or on the name recognition created by speaking to everyone for five minutes - and although this can still produce good officers, it is a bit of a lottery.
I would say that only three or four members of the executive are there because of their policies, a handful of others because the electorate genuinely thought they would do a good job and the rest because they know a lot of people. Some members of C&S have looked quite bad during the whole "finsocgate saga" but then so have members of the executive, even when the affair does not directly affect them. Perhaps I am wrong, but I do.ubt last week's UGM will be the last time that students show their anger towards elected officials. We cannot expect much more if our elections are based on how many facebook friends the different candidates have and until we
actually get the student body paying attention then that is what we are stuck with.
I wish I could have a moment of genius and think up an easy solution to apathy, but I don't think there is one (refer back to the part of the op-ed where I say that I'm a pessimist). The best that anyone can do is try to increase interest in the union and, for that, I would include myself in the hacks that congratulate those - like the candidates and the returning officer - that are responsible for the increased turnout in the Michaelmas elections. However the turnout is still pitiful, and unless one thinks that the union cannot do any better, the logical conclusion is surely that our elected officers could do more.
The Societies Officer obviously has contact with societies and if the committees became more involved in the union then this would have a trickle down effect. I wonder how much time the societies officer spends doing this.
The same can be said, perhaps even with more weight, for the residence officer. Most of the hall committees don't pay the union much attention, if they did then a lot more freshers would take an interest. These are two areas where the union does not even seem to make an effort, which given the stakes, is poor to say the least.
Until someone takes responsibility for engaging students, it will not be done. People like the Society and Residence officers are still students and it would be unfair to attack them for not using their posts to fully promote the union. Especially when they are not given much support. The union needs one person who's job this is, one person to provide the support to part-time exec and ensure a co-ordinated effort. This one person should be the communications officer. The post is relatively new and could still be redefined, but the Communications officer is surely the ideal person to make posters or leaflets explaining what the union does since they presumably have good communication	skills. Furthermore they would be well placed to use some of the union's advertising space for promoting the union. Perhaps they could even persuade the school to advertise the union in places like the library, cafes and bars.
There are rumours that Chris Heathcote (the current LSE SU Communications Officer) is considering a few amendments to the codes of practice. Maybe he will consider taking responsibility for promoting the union, if he does, then students at the UGM will be happier with those elected to posts ranging from Sabbaticals to the lowly C&S.
From Rags...
The reai work's sti!I to come, writes LSESU Communications Officer
So the first important decision has been made: This week at the Union General Meeting (UGM), I had the pleasure of announcing the four good causes the LSE Students' Union will be supporting as part of our annual Raising and Giving week, scheduled for week seven of the Lent Term. In the end, we chose Wateraid, the Disasters Emergency Committee (DEC), Strokes Research UK and St Mungo's homelessness charity. I'm pleased, because I think they will strike a chord with LSE students.
RAG is a well established student tradition up and down the country where students do any manner of silly things in the name of charity, rather in the same way as some people sit in a bath of cold baked beans or have their heads shaved for Red Nose Day, so naming the charities marked the end of a fairly intense three week period for me and the RAG taskforce.
The taskforce of around 30 people is made up of all kinds of students who asked to get
involved in RAG and we held several hours of meetings to reach the four chosen causes. In fact the process took so long because we were literally inundated with suggestions-18 possible causes were proposed by students and choosing one charity from another was no easy task.
Wateraid, we felt was a cause with a most fundamental aim that cannot be denied to any human being- the right for access to clean water. Wateraid is a charity which already has a strong level of support on the LSE campus. For a second year running, the Development Society, which has taken LSE by storm in the last 18 months, has chosen the charity to support and I'm very excited by the prospect of working with the society who set a new level of charity event when they held an auction last year which in one night raised more than £2,500.
Stokes Research UK, was not a cause I was familiar with just three weeks ago, even though I know of many people who have suffered from strokes, but
like many members of the taskforce, I was moved by the very personal story of one LSE student aged only 20 who last year suffered from an unexpected and serious stroke. We were also shocked by the statistics that strokes are the UK's third biggest killer, and yet for every £50 spent on cancer research, every £30 spent on heart research, just £1 is spent on stroke research. In choosing this charity we hope not only to involve students who may know relatives who have suffered strokes, but also raise awareness about the risk posed to younger people as well.
St Mungo's homelessness charity in London was chosen because we recognised the problem of homelessness in London and knew that many students want to help, but are sometimes reluctant to give to beggars. I was personally attracted to St Mungo's because of it's commitment to rehabilitation. The charity provides longer-term help besides just being a shelter by helping people with drug addiction, alcoholism, reading
and writing problems and also helps them find permanent work.
Finally, new for this year, we opted to add a fourth charity termed the 'topical' charity. In the last year there have been a number of international disasters that have affected LSE because of our international make-up, from the Asian Tsunami, to Hurricane Katrina to most recently, the massive earthquake in India and Pakistan. We wanted to make sure that if something happened in the next few months that our RAG efforts would be able to help.
This year will be only the fourth year the SU has run RAG and though it has always improved year on year, it has always seemed to be rather small scale compared to other places, and too Students' Union led.
Last year we raised £7,500 for RAG, an amount that was recently matched by the Islamic and Pakistani Societies just collecting on Houghton Street for a few
days and which pales into insignificance compared to Leeds' £30,000 and King's College London, just across the road, which tops £100,000.
The key, of course is to open RAG up to new people, new causes and new ideas and to involve the Athletics Union and Societies. When I was elected as Communications Officer and automatically became the RAG taskforce chair, I was determined to do just that. Looking back over the last couple of weeks I'd say we're moving in the right direction. This year's taskforce is an ideal mix of experience and new enthusiasm, with many new faces. If the skill shown by some members of the taskforce when choosing the charities is anything to go by then I can't wait to get onto planning the new events we will need to reach our £10,000 target and reinvigorate RAG at LSE.
The charity choosing was one thing, but now the real work starts..!
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EXECUTIVE EDITOR
Sam Jones
MANAGING EDITOR
Sidhanth Kamath
BUSINESS MANAGER
Michael Fauconriier-Bank
NEWS EDITORS Paul Brandenburg; Elaine Londesborough
BLINK EDITORS Jess Brammar; Alexa Sharpies
PART B EDITORS Peter McLaughlin; Natalie Vassilouthis
SPORTS EDITORS Jennifer Bush; Ed Calow
GRAPHICS EDITOR Alex Teytelboym
FILM EDITORS Jami Makan;
Casey Cohen
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LITERARY EDITOR Rothna Begum
THEATRE EDITOR Charlie Hallion
VISUAL ARTS EDITOR Daniel Yates
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A ROUT FDITOR
Gareth Rees THE COLLECTIVE:
Chairperson: Jo Clarke
Magnus Aabech; Raihan Alfaradhi; Atif Ali; Andhalib Karim; Jon Bartley; Ruby Bhavra; Matt Boys; Jess Brammar; Clem Broumley-Young; Sumit Buttoo; James Caspell; Simon Chignell; Sal Chowdhury; Jo Clarke; Dave Cole; Chris Colvin; Patrick Cullen; Lisa Cunningham; Owen Coughlan; James Davies; Tamsin Davis; Laura Deck; Ali Dewji; Kanan Dhru; Jan Dormann; Jan Duesing;Sian Errington; John Erwin; Alex George; Shariq Gilani; Andrew Hallett; Chris Heathcote; Joshua Hergesheimer; Alex Hochuli; Stacy-Marie Ishmael; Angus Jones; Fabian Joseph; Laleh Kazemi-Veisari; Stefanie Khaw; Ahmad Khokher; Arthur Krebbers; Chris Lam; Charles Laurence; Sam Lehmann; Adrian Li; Rishi Madlani; Zhanna Makash; Kim Mandeng; Fatima Manji; John McDermott; Anna Ngo; Doug Oliver; Laura Parfitt;Tanya Rajapakse; Rob Parker; Eliot Pollak; Keith Postler; Tanja Rajapakse; Dom Rustam; Laura Sahramma; Jai Shah; Matt Sinclair; Marta Skundric; Hannah Smith; James Stevens; Jimmy Tam; Grace Tan; Nastaran Tavakoli-Far; Sarah Taylor; Alex Vincenti; Claudia Whitcomb
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thebeaver,editor@lse.ac.uk
and you will be added to the list in next week's paper.The Beaver is available in alternative formats.
IBeaver
22/11/05
07
Comment&Analvsis: Editorial
IBeaver
Filthy Luca
ULU homophobe removed from office
There are few occasions when this paper finds reason to commend ULU. Invariably such reticence is a due result of the organisations hermetic bunker mentality that by and large renders it unapproachable and unaccountable to the ordinary LSE student.
Not so this week. ULU Council delegates voted by a supra-majority to remove Manfredi from office: a comendable move that actually meant something to many students. Manfredi's remarks were utterly unacceptable - and whether they were made in the past or not was a moot point. Manfredi's continued refusal to apologise or accept responsibility for his remarks brought the issue into stark focus: As a figurehead for an organisation that claims to represent some 130,000 students, Manfredi's refusal to apologise could only have logically led to his removal from office.
It was of particular value that the ballot was conducted by poll vote: ensuring that every ULU delegate cast their vote in a recorded public manner. All delegates owed it to their voters and colleges to publicly show how they voted.
It is of course, a shame that it takes something of this magnitude and seriousness for students to feel connected to ULU, and even then in such a negative way.
What is important now is that council elects a new chair who will represent councils interests and steer council meetings in the manner that a chair is supposed to do: with mutual respect and with fairness.
Constitutionally Steered
C&S no confidenced of UGM
As this paper noted last week, few are the occasions when the C&S committee deserves praise. The decision to sack Majeethia and Boettcher was one. However, students may also have noted the utter disarray which C&S seem to have been gradually sliding into over the past few weeks.
With a set of utterly irresponsible constitutional amendments set to be proposed by LSE SU Communications Officer Chris Heathcote, which will ban 'political' membership of C&S, the stage looks set for further disquiet.
Indeed, this paper suspects it won't be too long before C&S officers start hounding each other out of office. Chair of C&S, Clem Broumley-Young is already controversially pushing for the resignation of the beleaguered Arthur Krebbers, while also criticising Nazir Hussain for abstaining in crucial votes.
With an upcoming by-election to select the seventh member, Broumley-Young should be wary of too much politicking for want of a more ecumenical approach in his capacity as Chair.
Whether C&S will weather the storm is unclear: further motions of no confidence would not go amiss, and at this rate will be deserved. The clincher will depend on the remaining six members settling down and lowering their profiles. Rock the boat too much and it will sink.
Men of Letters
UGM letters mandate ignored?
For time immemorial the UGM has seen fit to express its opinion to the world at large by mandating the General Secretary to write letters to the great, the good, and the nasty. For time immemorial no Gensec has really wanted to write them.
It comes as little surprise that Madlani sent his letters weeks after he was mandated to by the UGM, especially given the record of his predecessors. The way round this? Simple - add a time frame into the motion.
Indeed, as is now the case, all letters must be sent within two weeks: such is the result of productive UGM legislation.
Corrections & Clarifications
The Beaver would like to apologise for the unintended inclusion of an unattributed quote in the news article 'Stelios makes a flying visit' which read: "All I remember was Chris Heathcote getting drunk and being a cock - once again embarassing himself and the Union." We wish to apologise to Mr. Heathcote (LSE SU Communications Officer) for any offence caused, and would like to assure our readers that no substantive evidence exists to indicate that Mr. Heathcote is indeed, a cock.
Letters to the Editor
The Beaver offers ail readers the right to reply to anything that appears in the paper. Letters should be sent to thebeaver.editor@lse.ac.uk and should be no longer than 250 words. All letters must be recieved by 3pm on the Sunday prior to publication. The Beaver reserves the right to edit letters prior to publication.
Paper tigers
Dear Sir,
Responding to the article 'Chinese government condemns LSE' published in last week's edition of the Beaver and the subsequent editorial, I would have to agree that the Chinese Embassy had not handled the Grimshaw event in the most appropriate manner. However, I would dare to disagree with the comment that Chinese students in the LSE shy away from discussing political events, in fact, far from it.
Political issues are not a taboo to us, either in the LSE or in Hong Kong. There are restrictions on civil liberties in mainland China, but definitely not to the extent that the Western media portrays. Simply applying Western values in analysing China's problems is somewhat hypocritical. After all, China has a long history of monarchical rule and the Peoples Republic of China has only been established for around 50 years. It took the Americans 200 years and a civil war to reach the level of 'freedom' that they enjoy now. In order to develop a country with a population of 1.3 billion, stability is of crucial importance.
Having said that, there has been progress in the development of civil liberties and press freedom in recent years. The media are now allowed to run programs that condemn the actions of the government (albeit still on a limited basis), and citizens are allowed to take the government to court, something that would be unimaginable some twenty years ago. Progress is being made, though slowly, and I am confident it will continue.
William Sun
Public Affairs Officer LSESU Hong Kong Public Affairs and Social Services Society
Against an Iranian war
Dear Sir,
As a society committee, we felt the urge to respond to the Blink piece in last week's paper by Will Joce urging international action against the Iranian regime to include military action - specifically Israel carrying out aerial strikes against "selective" targets.
Earlier this term, foreign UN Weapons Inspector in Iraq Scott Ritter spoke to a large student audience. In this speech Mr Ritter noted the striking parallels between the rhetoric of elements of the UK and US governments towards Iran now and that used in the run up to the war in Iraq. He argued that to fall for this rhetoric now could be even more destructive than Tony Blair's agreement with George Bush's folly about weapons of mass destruction was in the run up to the Iraq war.
Just as military action has not solved problems in Iraq - but has rather led to an escalating cycle of violence - military action against Iran would surely create further instability in the region. This would be the case whether it was carried out by the US or through Israel using US weaponry as suggested by Joce. It would
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also very likely be outside the framework of international law, and would send out a message of gross hypocrisy to the world when Israel, the US and the UK all spend extortionate amounts of money on their own nuclear weaponry. It would certainly be impossible to build any sort of international consensus around such a hawkish 'solution.' Finally, as is so often the case, innocent lives would no doubt also be lost. Surely an approach based on international law and co-operation would be a better way to move forward?
Yours,
LSESU Stop the War Coalition Committee
In Remembrance
Dear Sir,
I am commenting on the article by Joe McDevitt in last week's Beaver in which he berates the students of the LSE for their apathy concerning Remembrance Day. He obviously did not observe the two-minute silence, which took place at 11am on Friday 11 November by the plaque on the wall of the Old Theatre which commemorates the loss of life of students and staff of the LSE in both World Wars (about 150 names are listed). This was an event organised by the Students' Union, at which Rishi Madlani and Nick Green both spoke movingly before laying a wreath under the plaque. No one who was there would have accused our student body of apathy.
Janet Hartley
Vice Chairman of the Academic Board, Department of International History
Against Racism
Dear Sir,
Last week's op-ed piece by James Kanabar was correct to emphasise the absolute priority that must be given to tackling all forms of racism and prejudice on campus and beyond. This short letter aims to be a further contribution to the discussion on how we can continue with this priority.
The piece also mentioned the SU's 'Rise Against Racism' week. We feel it is important to record that the week was a success, with a good audience taking part in a detailed panel discussion and over 100 new^tudents signing up to be involved with anti-racism campaigning on campus.
As James Kanabar points out, such events are crucial in making the case for multi-cultural-ism and against discrimination, particularly as we have seen much of the media after the July bombings questioning the value of multi-culturalism. However, it is only through students and societies getting actively involved that such events can be successfully held, and more activities can take place. Finally, as a society we would be very much interested in helping with and promoting initiatives such as those suggested in the piece, and would urge everyone to get involved in our and the union's continued anti-racism campaigning in the weeks ahead. This will include on campus initiatives, but also taking part in national campaigns such as Unite Against Fascism, getting students active against the rise of the far-right in Britain.
Yours,
LSESU Student Assembly Against Racism
Arthur Krebbers
Dear Sir
In last week's Beaver, Arthur 'Do the Artman' Krebbers tried to absolve himself of all wrongdoing in the FlnSocgate affair. A comprehensive rebuttal of his argument would fill an entire section of the library, but here goes...
Arthur completely missed the point by asserting that his appointment was "based on merit". The problem is, that having been "outspoken in [his] critique of the measures undertaken by the Finance Society" Arthur then "took the initiative and applied" for his FinSoc Committee position. This was despite the knowledge that a C&S vote on the issue was imminent.
Krebbers compares his situation in his letter to that of Sam Jones,"I felt it right to abstain... using similar motivations as applied by yourself". However, Sam found himself in an untenable position, whilst Krebbers jumped head first into one. - It is bizarre that despite this, Sam was the one magnanimous enough to resign.
Thanks largely to Krebbers' cowardice, the entire C&S faced a vote of no confidence at last weeks' UGM. Unbelievably, Krebbers didn't even have the decency to explain his failure to resign. Instead he fled with his tail between his legs. Why? Because he knows that his actions are inexplicable and inexcusable.
Krebbers' behaviour makes a mockery of the whole SU. He shot himself in the foot and now it's time for him to accept the consequences.
James Kanabar
08
22 November 2005
iBeaver 1 Blink: Profile
Mending lives
Blink Editor Jess Brammar meets Palestinian schoolgirl Dana Abdul Fattah
Waiting at the side of the stage, nervously running through her speech, Dana looks much like any awkward teenager preparing to speak to a room full of people. However, the difficulties of her daily life, by no means unique to young people growing up inside Israeli-con-trolled Palestine, are the reason that she's been brought to speak to us tonight, and mark her out from her British contemporaries. That, and the silver pendant that hangs around her neck in the shape of the territory that Palestinians claim as theirs.
Later she will tell me, shyly and through the braces on her teeth that belie a maturity and eloquence unusual in someone so young, about the humiliation of crossing army checkpoints on her way to school. But first, Dana is
joining a panel of dignitaries, which includes the Palestinian Authority's Minister of State for Jerusalem, Hind Khoury, to launch the charity MEND UK.
Middle East Nonviolence and Democracy (MEND) is an organisation that works with Palestinians to end the cycle of frustration, violence and retribution that characterises their daily lives. Launching the UK branch of MEND, which will function as a charity specifically devoted to working with Palestinian women and children, its founder and director, Lucy Nusseibeh, told us of the "tremendous importance to work against the dehumanisa-tion" of Palestinians living under Israeli occupation. By setting up training centres in the West Bank and Gaza, through which Palestinian children and adults
can receive training in areas such as conflict resolution and theatrical arts, MEND attempts to empower people living under the occupation to rise above the daily violence and degradation and take control of their future.
Dana Abdul Fattah is one of the children whose life has been enriched by MEND's involvement. She is a 15-year-old, who attends a school to the north of Jerusalem. Her involvement with MEND began when she met with the organisation's directors. "They told us about the project and the aims of it, and I was very much interested," she says. Through the organisation, Dana has travelled to Cyprus and Germany to meet with other young people. She tells the audience of the daily brutality she encounters and the bitter irony of
crossing armed checkpoints on her way to attend courses on nonviolence. Given the hopelessness of life for so many in her situation, I ask if her friends support her involvement with a group that seeks to bring non-violence to the Palestinian resistance. "All of them, almost all of them, agree," she smiles.
Dana is a not an extremist. If she is a Muslim, as the majority of Palestinians are, she does not cover her hair. She is shy, blushing when our male photographer shakes her hand, and stumbling a little over her words. But, occasionally, the modesty of her age is overwhelmed by a deeper sense of anger and frustration. In these moments, she looks at me straight in the eye, and her English flows quickly and confidently. The effect of the Israeli occupation, she says, is "terrible. Sometimes we wait for hours at the checkpoints, under the burning sun and under rain. It doesn't matter for them whether it's sun, whether we're suffering, whether it's raining."
Without encouragement, she steers the conversation round to Israel's controversial separation
_'Now the people
of Gaza, they are free.
You can see that in the news, the pleasure and the happiness'
wall. "Because of the separation wall, we're suffering a lot because it's acting like a prison. As if we're prisoners."
The conflict that surrounds Dana has lent her a maturity that is rare in British teenagers, many of whom begrudge their own daily routine of school and home. One of the effects of the wall, she says, is that it has cut teachers off from the schools in which they teach. "There are many great and brilliant teachers who are from the West Bank, and because of the checkpoints, and because of the separation wall, they can't now even enter schools. So we have alternatives, but they are not as good...they can come every day on time, but they can't offer us what the other teachers from the West Bank offer."
I am intrigued by her hunger to learn - at the MEND UK launch, Nusseibeh had talked about the "bleak" outlook and lack of ambition of young Palestinians, especially women. "I totally disagree with people who say that we have no ambitions,"
Dana retorts, "because most of [us] have ambitions, most of [us] have dreams." It is heartening to hear her challenge the well-meaning statements that have been made on behalf of the young people of Palestine many times before, a small but defiant declaration of a young woman's desire to take control of her own future.
I ask Dana how she feels about the recent Israeli withdrawal from Gaza - is it a step towards peace? At first she is optimistic: "Yes, I think so... now the [people of] Gaza, they are free, they are more free. You can see that in the news, the pleasure and the happiness." Moments later, though, she seems unwilling to appear too conciliatory, adding, "it has, of course, disadvantages, because all of the Israelis who have left Gaza, will now settle inside the West Bank."
Again, when I ask her about her own expectations for the future, she is initially positive. "I am sure that there will come a moment that we will be free and peace will be achieved." She continues, seeming again to check her optimism, "maybe it is difficult, and maybe what is happening now will be the opposite, because of the separation wall, which is absolutely not a step for peace." For emphasis, she adds again, "it's absolutely not a step for peace."
The Palestinian government, she believes, "is doing enough," and organisations such as MEND can help to change to current situation. "So we are achieving," she concludes, "and there is some future. Peace will be achieved."
But first, Dana says, echoing comments made by the panel earlier, the image of the Palestinians as a violent and intransigent people has to be challenged. I ask her what she believes young people in Britain could do to help her and her friends. "I am sure that many of them have the wrong idea of the Palestinians. They should at least know the whole truth, and what is really happening in Palestine." Does she feel any bitterness towards the inaction of the international civilian community? "Knowing the whole truth is enough for them [to do], in my point of view."
Working with MEND has helped Dana to develop a sense of self-esteem and maturity that can empower her to overcome the difficulties of her daily surroundings. But given the cycle of violence that seems to show no signs of slowing in the near future, will a young woman such as her remain amid the daily struggle of humiliation and frustration? "That's for sure," she says, her voice defiant, "I will stay forever in Palestine."
iBeaver I Blink: Politics
22 November 2005
09
The muted
Soixante-
Huitards?
LACHiENliT
C ESI LUi!
Christopher Ludwig recalls that France has burned before
A photograph above last week's Beaver article, 'The Anti-French Revolution', depicted a black man holding a poster at a protest, which read, "Nous sommes tous des racailles." Racaille, of course, the phrase that sent foreign journalists to their Petits-Roberts to see if France's Interior Minister, Nicholas Sarkozy, used the word to describe rioters as scum or chavs.
However, the slogan contains another cultural reference. During May 1968, when a student revolt united with worker strikes in factories to halt French society and nearly turn out the government of Charles de Gaulle, graffiti slogans and silk-screened posters served as the movement's anonymous poetry: Nous sommes tous des indesirables (We are all
undesirables), for example, or Nous sommes tous des juifs alle-mands (We are all German-Jews).
They were reactions to the conservative French press, who attacked a student leader, Daniel Cohn-Bendit, as "a Jew, a German, and an undesirable." Political movements strive to regain control of cultural expression, so the racaille slogan, with its link to the May events, is a rare verbal attempt by this community to express itself, rather than be defined by politicians, media or sociologists.
In last week's article, Joshua Hergesheimer identified the parallels between the November unrest and the 1798 revolution, but the events are in many ways as much anti-'68. However, it is worthwhile focusing them within the context of the student revolts, as the two show similar characteristics of youth reacting against the political and familial regimes of their era. According to Claudie Bony, who worked in both the Mitterand and Chirac governments, the latter under the
Interior Minister, the students in '68 reacted to a particular moment in post-Second World War French society, when education, political policy, working conditions, and cultural expression felt no longer adequate to contemporary society.
"After a difficult period of privations and reconstruction, France enjoyed relative growth and prosperity," she said. However, "an enormous gap emerged between economic development and political institutions, and still in place were rigid customs, absence of modernism and cultural and intellectual conformity."
'May '68 was the richest modern exampIeTof political protest and ^xpress!on7s~omething missing in toda/s uprising'
Today, in France, another gap has grown in regard to the second or third generation immigrant communities: education problems, high unemployment, under representation. Many in France feel neither the current government, de Gaulle's heirs, nor a viable party on the left, speak for this community. Similarly, the May movement was outside the political spectrum, taking aim not only at the right-wing Gaullists in power, but also the Communist Party, which they saw as stagnant and failing to offer creative Marxist alternatives like those students found in Mao or Guevera.
Generational gaps represent another parallel: the students of the 60s against the values of their elders, and those today who live within traditions of immigrant communities, though raised in French culture. Dr. Robert Boyce, an expert in French external relations at LSE, also a participant in the '68 events, acknowledged the element of rebellion in both time periods.
"Certainly, we were rebelling against our parents then, and I take sympathy for many of these young people. They live in France,
with parents who emotionally still live in Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria." The parents have little to offer their children, he added, who in turn find little solace in French society either.
Cours, comrade, le vieux monde est derriere toi (Run, comrade, the old world is behind you), resonates for both eras. And indeed problematic parental relationships also play out in the political family. Students rebelled against the stern patriarchy of de Gaulle, while today there is resentment toward the paternalistic patronising of Chirac, and hatred for the disciplinary, unloving step-father, Sarkozy, threatening to boot them from the mother (country).
May, however, was perhaps the richest modern example of political protest and expression, something completely missing in today's uprisings. Besides the poetry, students occupied, or 'liberated,' the Sorbonne, and the theatre de l'Odeon, two principle symbols of old guard culture, where they staged open performances and held debates. A joyous air is often recounted.
"The general atmosphere was extremely festive," said Jean-Pierre Bony, a student then in Paris. "Everywhere, down the streets, the cafes, apartments, people who never spoke before began to converse. Even if they were hostile to the movement, they joined in the common crowd."
As opposed to the terror of today, the retellings of violence from May have airs of folklore. It is said that people gladly gave their cars to students to turn on their sides for barricades against police, or to be to burned. Workers occupied factories, locking managers in their office. Though riots spread throughout the country, and 10 million workers went on strike, halting production and cutting off energy, notions of 'joli mai' remain. Even if France was more throttled then than now, the headlines of "France burns" that dominate
today were not present.
This perception is owing, perhaps, to May's language, a crystallisation of protest into poetry that could not be further from the verbally silent, brooding violence today. May '68 proves, after all, that degrees of violence can be tolerated, so long as those with gasoline can light ideas on fire as well. Sous la pave la plage (Beneath the cobblestone, the beach), was one slogan. Compared to May, today's rioters are tragically far from articulating their own suffering, which leaves them vulnerable to politicised explanations that marginalise them further. We hear how they are Muslim extremists, drug dealers, full of hate, racaille.
If control of one's expression is key to society's subgroups, the inability to speak may be what sets off violence on a larger scale, where a potential movement turns chaotic. This rupture did not escape the '68 gauchistes either. Claudie Bony says the violence of '68 spread as the movement gained multiple "socio-pro-fessionals categories," and "divergent objectives."
"The demonstrations were appropriated by leaders of political movements and extremism," she said.
Likewise, the legitimate unrest in the French suburbs is being hijacked by its own extremism, as well as the strategies of the political right, who will use it to their own agenda. Had these riots communicated ideas as well as flames, perhaps France might have seen another movement. Though May failed (de Gaulle's government won 150 seats in the next month's election) is it the voice of that era that has not yet lost influence, even on this "anti-revolution." However, without their own expression, others will continue to speak poorly for the marginal, and future outcomes will no doubt again be violent.
10
Eyes to the left
22 November 2005
iBeaver I Blink: Politics
Hallett
America 1, World o
From first lady
to first choice?
Blink Correspondent Laura Sahramaa doubts Hillary Clinton's presidential prospects
Last Tuesday the US retained its control over the internet's addressing system, giving it de facto control over the entire worldwide web. Is this not all too typical of what the French call "l'hyperpower"? Instead of allowing the internet to be held for the good of all humanity through a UN body, the US demands that it retains sovereignty for the purposes of "stability" and "security". Similar arguments were propounded for the invasion of Iraq, and they are as hollow now as they were in 2003.
The US has maintained American hegemony over the net since California-based Icann (Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers) controls the relationships between the millions of individual networks which comprise the online world. Any networks which come from nations which the US might invade could find themselves being locked out of the web so the US version of events is all that the world hears. Bloggers with 'unacceptable' opinions should beware - the US has a bloody track record of targeting journalists whose reports tell the unacceptable truth. Look at al'Jazeera, whose Baghdad bureau was "accidentally" shelled and the reporters inside killed last year.
It is unacceptable for any single nation to have control over the internet, but the fact that it is the US should cause deep unease in those who value non-mili-tarism and diversity of views. Lefties may laugh at the lowest common-denominator 'journalism' of Fox News, but that kind of Right-wing rubbish is immensely popular in the very nation which controls what will be the most important medium of communication. It's bad enough our streets are lined with Starbucks, McDonalds and the like, but the digital domain could become as bland and profit-driven if US hegemony is not resisted.
Unfortunately, the only real opposition to the US at last week's talks were delightfully friendly governments like China and Iran, countries with the impressive ability to be more engaged in human rights abuses and brainless militarism than even the US. As you guessed, blighty was meekly following in the US' wake, happy to let Uncle Sam do whatever he wanted. I'm not sure what such summits exist for anyway, as the US either bullies everyone else to obtain a rubber stamp for its actions, or (rarely) fails, sulks for a bit and then does what it wants anyway.
Will the rest of the world come together and create a 'new' internet as suggested? Unlikely given that the US would halt such a project, not to mention Trojan horses like the UK, who continually work against 96% of the human race by following American foreign policy. Still, hope remains that the current internet, and future variants, can continue to be a refuge for alternative opinions that challenge the imperial consensus imposed by Bush and any future warlords.
Hillary Clinton has raised coyness to an art form. Consider the ways she handled comments made during her trip to Jerusalem last week about the possibility that she'll run for president in 2008.
An official from the Israeli equivalent of the Red Cross presented her with a field officer's vest and said he hoped it would be hanging on the walls of the Oval Office someday. The press, apparently hanging on her every facial twitch, reported that she "smiled but did not respond" to the comment. Later, an Israeli man told her he hoped the next time she visited Jerusalem she'd be president. "You're going to get me into
trouble, she said.
It's no sur-prise that
Hillary is so good at being coy; she's had years of practice. Ever since her husband left office, the former First Lady and current Senator of New York has been seen as a likely future candidate for president. And for years, non-answer answers have been the rule in the Hillary camp when asked about her aspirations for higher office. She's never said she would, but at the same time has not ruled it out.
Recently, however, there have been small indications that Hillary is getting ready to drop the coyness and make 2008 her year: her very presidential - and well-publicised - trip to the Middle East, for one thing; for another, statements her husband recently made that sound an awful lot like initial attempts to sell his wife as a candidate. On November 4 he told the New York Times that Hillary would be a better president than he was: "First, she has the Senate experience I didn't have. Second, she would have had the eight years in the White House," he said.
No one can dispute that Hillary would make a good president. She's got intel-
ligence, political experience, and policy knowledge.
She has advantages as a candidate, also. She obviously wouldn't have any problems raising funds for a campaign, and her name recognition is such that you can say the name "Hillary" in any context, anywhere in America
' She would never ever, ever, ever, ever win. Ever. Her name recognition has negative sides. She has the Clintonian baggage of scandal and policy failures. She also comes with everyone having formed an opinion of her'
and people will know exactly who you're talking about.
So where, as they say, is the beef? Is there any reason Hillary shouldn't run?
Here's a good one: she would never, ever, ever, ever, win. Ever.
Her name recognition has negative sides. She has the Clintonian baggage of scandal and policy failures - anyone remember her health care plan? She also has the disadvantage that comes with everyone already having formed an opinion of her, one way or another. Gallup polls from earlier this year indicated
that, while 29 percent of those surveyed said they were "very likely" to vote for her, 39 percent they were virtually certain not to. As the history of American politics shows, it takes a lot for people to change their minds about a politician once they have formed an opinion about them - especially one who inspires as strong reactions as Hillary does. John Kerry, for example, was unable to shake the "flip-flopper" label once the Bush campaign rather brilliantly stuck him with it. There just doesn't seem to be much room for Hillary's numbers to go up.
Hillary enthusiasts may point to the additional 24 percent who said they were "somewhat likely" to vote for her - making, with the 29 "very likely" percent, a majority of 53 percent. That's a slim majority, and probably an illusory one, because gender still matters in American politics.
In a recent poll, only 14 percent of respondents said they would not vote for a female presidential candidate. However, there's a good chance that many people tell pollsters they'll vote for a female presidential candidate because it's the socially acceptable response but actually don't have any intention of doing so.
Political science research shows that, particularly on the security and terrorism issues now at the forefront, American voters think female candidates lack the aggressiveness male candidates would presumably bring to their roles as decision-makers. It's not right, it's not fair, but it's the way
- mgm

Political
Digest
Nuclear tensions
in Iran
Yee To Wong
The Iranian nuclear crisis faces yet another obstacle, in light of the confirmation by the United Nations' nuclear watchdog, the International Atomic Energy Agency, that the country acquired information on how to engineer nuclear bombs and has been uncooperative in giving inspectors access to sensitive sites
where the military allegedly runs a secret nuclear programme.
The report has indicated that Tehran received detailed instructions on how to enrich uranium from a black market run by Abdul Qadeer Khan, the scientist thought to be the architect of Pakistan's nuclear programme and who has admitted to selling secrets to Iran, North Korea, and Libya.
Iran is expected to face heightened pressure in the meeting of the 35-nation board of governors of the IAEA next Thursday, which will consider referring Iran's record of concealing its nuclear programme to the Security Council for possible sanctions, an act that Iran obviously will not prefer.
The attitude towards Iran varies between the United States and the EU. The US points firmly to the intelligence data demonstrating Iran's effort to 'weaponise' its uranium production, while Britain, France, and Germany have led an EU attempt to reach a deal and remain reluctant to hurry the issue to New
York in the hope that a diplomatic breakthrough can still be achieved.
The deputy secretary of Iran's Supreme National Security Council, Javad Vaeedi, expressed Iran's support for a "legal and technical approach."
The Europeans had hoped to persuade Iran out of the pursuit of a nuclear weapons programme altogether, although this was deemed highly unlikely, after Iran's new government came to power in August.
At the moment, diplomatic efforts are centred on a compromise brokered by Russia, which calls for Iran to shift the sensitive step of uranium enrichment to Russia while being able to carry out some other uranium processing on its own territory.
Representatives from the EU, Russia, China, and the US met in London to discuss the issues on Friday. They US concluded that the Russian proposal "might provide a way out" of Iran's nuclear programme.
Speaking after a meeting between President Bush and
President Putin at the sidelines of the APEC summit in Seoul, US National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley said: "If we didn't think it was acceptable, we wouldn't encourage it to be explored." Iran has also signalled that it will give Russia's proposal some considerations.
However, many Western diplomats are sceptical about the likelihood of Iran's compromise. And even if a compromise has been reached, there would be no guarantee that Iran would not have access to enrichment technology through a joint venture with Russia.
In the past, Russian scientists have offered Iran assistance in heavy-water 'research' reactor that would be ideal for making plutonium - another.bomb ingredient.
Tehran continues to stress its readiness for 'unconditional' talks over its nuclear programme, but Iranian officials have shown open opposition to any plan to carry out uranium enrichment outside the country.
iBeaver I Blink: Politics
22 November 2005
11
Proposing
a toast
Blink Correspondent Lisa Cunningham raises a glass to extended opening hours


I propose to make 24 November a national holiday. On this day, a new law will come into effect: the Licensing Act. Part of this Bill will mean that premises can apply to extend their opening hours, or indeed, never close at all.
When I first moved to London, I was truly astonished to find that I could not enjoy a pint in a pub after 11pm. We live in one of the most cosmopolitan, diverse and vibrant metropolises, yet last orders are at 10.45. This is ridiculous. I am over the moon that this stone-age attitude to drinking hours will eventually be done away with.
I don't normally get this excited about new laws. Honestly, I don't. But this is such a momentous occasion, I propose we all go out and celebrate that night. Not everyone is as excited as I am about this change in the law, however. The Conservative party in particular have been getting their knickers in a twist over this new legislation. I just don't understand their problem.
They claim 24 licensing will encourage binge drinking. In fact, the reverse is true. The current ludicrously early closing time is,
at least in part, to blame for binge drinking. Pub-goers are forced to drink against the clock, downing as many pints as possible before being thrown out onto the streets. This quick-paced consumption is especially bad for us. A longer drinking period will encourage a more relaxed attitude to drinking.
What is more, critics argue the extended opening hours will cause an epidemic of anti-social behaviour. Yet again they have it wrong; 24 hour licensing will help tackle this problem. I cannot imagine a better recipe for street brawls than large numbers of drunk people spewing onto the streets at the same time, not yet ready to go home. If closing times are staggered, people can head home when they are ready and confrontations between drinkers will be avoided.
Furthermore, if these opponents to the Bill are right, surely this outbreak of anti-social behaviour is exaggerated? On some nights London already effectively has 24 hour drinking. Certain nightclubs are open until 7.30am on Saturday nights. In fact, a few weeks ago I was out drinking until such small hours. I


ifelfe
neither witnessed nor partook in any such anti-social behaviour on my way home.
I don't like- this over-protec-tive-parent-style concern the critics of the legislation have for us. It is incredibly patronising. Correct me if I am wrong, but you have to be 18 to drink in a pub, right? Doesn't that make pub goers adults? Surely we are able to make the decision of when to go home from a night out by ourselves. We do not need the law to
tell us when is a sensible time to be tucked up in bed.
Sure, there will always be a minority that will misuse alcohol or have one too many on a night out. But this small group should not be aloud to force us into abandoning the 24 hour drinking proposals. A minority of English football fans are violent and aggressive when abroad. Should we therefore ban all English football fans from following their team when playing overseas?
Make Poverty History...
in London
Alice Brinkley argues for a living wage for London's lowest-paid workers
Jane, a cleaner at Queen Mary University for 11 years, has worked for three different cleaning companies. Since she started this job, her wage has gone up from £4 / hour in 1994 to £5.05 / hour in October 2005, the national minimum wage. She lives in Hackney close to her children and grandchildren. When she is sick her company does not pay her and she gets only twelve days paid holiday a year, the statutory amount, to spend with her family.
The East London Citizens Organisation (TELCO) and their umbrella organisation, London Citizens, say that working conditions such as Jane's, while legal, are simply inadequate given the high costs of living in London. The minimum wage fails London's workers because it offers no way out of poverty and that is why TELCO started the Living Wage Campaign in 2002. The campaign calls for a wage that ensures that everyone in work is paid enough to provide adequately for themselves and their family. In practice however, the Living Wage campaign really challenges London's employers to take responsibility for the pay and conditions of the people who
keep their buildings clean and safe. Clearly unjust practices, such as paying contracted-in workers less than their in-house counterparts need to come to an end and dignified working conditions instated for all, including at least 20 days holiday a year, a pension and sick pay. The first barrier to achieving this leap forward in employment conditions is the distance that employers place between themselves and the contracted workers, leaving matters such as pay and conditions to the contracted agency.
In 2004 the TELCO campaign achieved a major boost, when the Green Party and the Labour Party in London built it into the manifestos for their Mayoral Candidates. Following his reelection, Ken Livingstone honoured this commitment and set up the Living Wage Unit as part of GLA Economics. Following detailed research into living costs and current wages, Mayor Livingstone published a report on 31 March 2005, estimating that nearly half a million workers in London are paid 'poverty wages', that is, below a living wage, but just above the minimum wage at the time of £4.85. A Living Wage of £6.70/hour was then endorsed
(review in April 2006) alongside a pledge that all the contracts for which he is responsible as mayor.
Pressure from communities to install a Living Wage has also met with success at big banks in Canary Wharf. After two years of campaigning and a successful partnership between TELCO and the TGWU, hundreds of workers joined the union, and lobbying brought about significant change. In February 2004, for example, Barclays Bank in Canary Wharf agreed to increase pay to £6 an hour, with 15 days paid sick and 8 extra days holiday.
The Living Wage is now something of a gathering storm. Queen Mary University in Mile End is another example of where the call for fair wages is being heard in the Higher Education sector. A powerful Living Wage campaign has developed on QMU campus, with several groups such as AUT and Unison branches joining with TELCO and bringing together a whole community of students, academics and workers at a Living Wage Rally on October 27th. Queen Mary's Principal Adrian Smith, has finally heeded requests for a meeting with London Citizens, to take place on 30th November. Meanwhile at
LSE, the sabbatical officers have been mandated to investigate the pay and conditions of low-paid staff on campus, and the LSESU have endorsed the Living Wage across London. Watch this space.
74-year-old actor William Shatner is making inquiries into the possibility of selling his kidney stone on eBay.
Shatner, most famous for the role of Captain James T. Kirk in Star Trek, claims that the kidney stone, which he "successfully passed", is "the ultimate piece of Star Trek memorabilia."
Shatner was taken ill on the set of his TV show, Boston Legal, suffering from chronic back pain, and was later found to be suffering from kidney stones.
However, the actor's plan to persuade the medics who performed the operation to give a special gift to one of his fans may have stalled, due to eBay's strict rules disallowing the sale of body parts.
Right approach
w
Charles Laurence
Encourage entrepreneurs
Last week was Enterprise week. It was launched with big fanfare, events up and down the country, a swish website and, at the helm of it all, Gordon Brown. The week itself was a bit of a non-event but it did give a rare insight into the inner machinations of Gordon Brown - not a pretty sight. He is the master of political discretion, and so after eight years we still do not know what to expect when he makes the move next door.
Enterprise week is a microcosm of what is wrong with Brown's approach to politics. He understands the problems the economy faces but can only ever see himself as the solution. Enterprise is not a pet project, it is key to the economy, small and medium enterprises create 40 percent of the country's wealth and employ 55.5 percent of people in the private sector. But, more than that, enterprise represents the creativity and responsiveness of the market it is the key to the functioning of a capitalist society. That is why it grates to see a Chancellor who has spent eight years sucking the entrepreneurial life out of the economy, preside over 'enterprise week', a seven day sticking-plaster.
I doubt the week itself can have done any harm but let's put it in context. In the last eight years we have seen outrageous complication of the tax system, increases in workers' rights and a tax creep all of which fall disproportionately on the small businessman. The rise of the internet and mobile phone has led to an unprecedented new environment for the start-up business and yet the reality has been more muted. To a Chancellor who is hard-wired in micromanagement of the economy the flexibility and simplicity needed by small business is an anathema. He does not get why he cannot create 'enterprise' from his desk in the Treasury. So despite business begging for less tax and regulation, he came up with the 'real' reason enterprise is not flourishing: we, the British people, are not entrepreneurial enough! So much so that we need a week to tell us as much.
Mr Brown needs to get real and give business what it wants. The Treasury cannot make people become risk-takers, but it can make it worthwhile to take that risk. How many potential entrepreneurs will be attracted by a lifetime of filling out tax forms and paying for temporary staff to take three weeks paid holiday? Brown needs to realise that targeting school leavers is too late, you need to get them young. A childhood of non-con-tact sport and 'everyone's a winner' prize-giving ceremonies will inevitably produce a nation of risk-averse wusses. Schools need to teach children the rewards of success, the thrill of risk-taking and, most importantly, how to cope with failure. We will then get the nation of entrepreneurs we all want.
12
22 November 2005
iBeaver I Blink: Politics I
Lomborg:
misguided and misinformed
disagrees with Lomborg's proposals to solve the world's problems
Last Thursday, eminent mathematician-come-economist and author of world famous The Skeptical Environmentalist, Professor Bjorn Lomborg presented his case on how to best improve the world. In 1998, he proclaimed of global warming that 'the typical cure...is way worse than the original affliction.'
For those of you not familiar with his work, and group of thirteen economists known as the Copenhagen Consensus, they simplify all of the world's problems into 10 categories: tackling climate change, preventing HIV/Aids, providing clean water, providing micro-nutrients, ending conflict, preventing Malaria, reducing corruption, and enabling free trade.
Lomborg suggests giving the most influential global leaders, namely the G8, a combined budget of $50 billion in which to solve these problems. This presents the problem of allocating finite resources to infinite needs. One by one, the Consensus measures the costs and benefits of overcoming each problem. After this valuation, Lomborg presents us with a string of numbers outlining the net-return on the $50 billion for each.
'Investing in the policies of the Kyoto Protocal is,
according to Lomborg, pointless and uneconomical'
The solution to the puzzle? Invest in solving the global problem that will provide the greatest return on the investment. Lomborg's maths dictates that we prioritise in preventing malaria, HIV/Aids, corruption and also providing clean water. At the bottom of the list is tackling climate change.
Investing in the policies of the Kyoto Protocol is, according to Lomborg, pointless and uneconomical, leading to a fall of global GDP of up to 5 percent. This is where the argument falls. How do we measure the value of stopping climate change? Equally important is how Lomborg measures the cost of meeting the Kyoto requirements.
The targets ask industrialised countries to reduce carbon emissions to 5.2 percent below 1990 levels. Lomborg states that as economies grow, their emissions increase and, allowing for this, to maintain future emissions 5.2 percent below 1990 levels, we would have to make more and more reductions. This means that by 2050, the OECD will only be able to produce 50 percent of
their natural emissions.
Lomborg is also very pessimistic on Kyoto's ability to have any impact on reducing emissions and that the protocol will only slow down temperature rises by 6 years, meaning a 1.92 degree (Celsius) occurs in 2100 rather than 2194.
Even more dubious is how the benefits of maintaining environmental quality are quantified. The Copenhagen Consensus simply looks at the benefits as being the costs not incurred by business as a result of global warming. Believing Kyoto will have little effect on global warming, Lomborg identifies few economic benefits, resulting in a near complete loss of any investment ($900 billion in 2100 according to him).
Anyone can see that Lomborg ignores the near incalculable non-use values of environmental resources. The earth's ecosystems serve a life purpose, meaning that without them there is a risk of no return in environmental degradation terms. Lomborg seems to suggest that technological and efficiency gains can substitute for nature in future years. We need not worry about depleting natural capital (ecosystems, nutrient cycles, bio-diversity, etc) as it can be substituted with human capital.
In reality though, few if any human-made substitutes can supply nature's benefits. In 1991, a group of scientists in Arizona constructed a $200 million glass-enclosed Biosphere. Inside was a diverse range of ecosystems, including desert, rainforest, farm fields and an ocean. The idea was that the eight scientists would be able to survive inside the Biosphere. The project failed miserably and after a year many of the species had become extinct and oxygen levels had fallen to those equivalent to being up a 17,500-foot mountain.
Using Lomborg's own logic, $200 million of human capital just kept eight people alive for one year. Nature keeps billions of people alive year after year for free. Multiplying these billions by $200 million each year, we begin to see the unfathomable worth of the environment.
This is because most natural capital is irreplaceable. The longer climate change and environmental destruction goes untreated, the more irreplaceable services will be lost, and the harder it will be to solve the problem. This added to the near infinite benefits of having a working planet means that tackling climate change should be one of the top priorities.
It is unimaginable that future generations facing radical climate rises and failing ecosystems will be consoled with the fact that our generation believed it
was dis-economical to do anything about it.
Lomborg has ignored the benefits of solving climate change, but do his misconceptions also spread to the costs of solving the problem? First, Lomborg turns a blind eye to basic energy efficiency measures that can save vast amounts of energy and money. Companies such as 3M, Dow Europe, Coca-Cola and General Motors have saved money and reduced energy use by addressing small scale efficiency problems. Even the LSE is installing motion-sensor lights, setting

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thermostats correctly and recycling more. It costs less to save energy than to buy energy - simple efficiency and recycling policy pays.
Lomborg says that GDP will be negatively affected and firms will lose competitiveness trying to tackle climate change. But the environment and economy are not in a trade-off with one another. What better evidence than from firms themselves. In 2004, leaders from 13 of the largest UK companies including BP, BAA, Cisco Systems, Scottish Power wrote to the government calling for more action on climate change. They said that 'taking serious action to prevent dangerous climate change makes good business sense' and that 'policy action to promote low-carbon investment will create long-term competitive advantage for the UK.'
Tackling climate change pays. Growing innovation in alternative energy technology and energy efficiency naturally reduces carbon emissions, disproving Lomborg's idea of the spiralling costs involved in adopting Kyoto. Lomborg's argument is misguided and misinformed.
- I? |
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Photographs (clockwise direction) Maria Chatziasiani, Nlc Cromarty. Xiaowei Wang, Matt Prior
I 11 Hannah Smith The Blue Man Croup, Harry Potter Sexy Amsterdam Elephant 6
Cheap Fashion

2' Part B 22 November
Contents
Editorial
The Editors'Week
At the gallery
Get your tickets for
:own
ution
His work ranging from the understated, dark waterside to the seductive meditation to the epic, Peter Paul Rubens was the dominant artist of his time. The National Gallery is currently running an exhibition documenting his metamorphosis from apprentice to master. Including legendary pieces such as 'Samson and Delilah' and 'The Massacre of the Innocents', A Master in The Making is a unique opportunity to see several masterpieces at once.
Opening times:
26 October 2005 -15 January 2006
10am - 6pm daily
(last admissions 5.15pm)
10am - 9pm Wednesdays
(last admissions 8.15pm)
Price: FREE
At the concert
'Get your groove on' with some chilled out hip hop with dark undertones on November 23. Roots Manuva come to the Forum. So immerse yourself in the smoky underground and surrender to the thumping bassline and mellow voice of South Londoner Rodney Smith.
Where: Forum, 9-17 Highgate road Travel: Kentish Town tube/rail Date: November 23 Hours: 7.30pm Prices: £16

The hyperactive comedian, famous for his stand-up as much as his ensemble roles, leaps onto the stage of the Wembley Arena Pavilion. Lee Evans performs the London leg of his XL UK Tour. Book tickets well in advance to ensure your seat in front of the inconceivably bendy, hilariously absurd comedy. You'll want to avoid disappointment/the nose bleed section.
Where: Wembley Arena Pavilion, Empire Way
(alongside Wembley Arena)
Travel: Wembley Park tube
Prices: £25
Date: December 8-12
Booking: 0870 264 0264
Something different
In a unique partnership between Time Out magazine and the Natural History Museum, every Friday night will feature the 'Diamonds' and 'Wildlife Photographer of the Year' exhibitions, accompanied by a bar, tapas-style food and jazz. A classy and less tourist-y way to enjoy some brilliant photography.
Where: The Natural Histoiy Museum Travel: South Kensington Tube Prices: £12 adults, £8 concessions, free glass of champagne if you have the current issue of Time Out's advertisement with you
Travel
Is there more to Amsterdam than hazy, vague memories?
Visual Arts
'Her Noise' is a powerful exhibition of soundscapes and sonic sculptures, featuring five prominent female artists
come to
MTV has labelled today's youth as "generation X."
When the tidal wave of baby boomers subsided and the music died down, Generation X emerged with grungy clothes, scruffy faces, and a hatred of the 'the man.'
As this alternative movement was immediately commercialized via MTV, its members continued slinking in corners, but now they were wearing trucker hats, and pre-weathered clothes, cell phones and iPods stuffed in their pockets. Generation X began to smell less like teen spirit and more like Gucci's Envy. As the story often goes, the revolution was stylised and pre-packaged, purveyed through posters and soundbytes.
That's when we realised, sitting beside each other on separate computers, the only sound
being an iPod wired to speakers, we had never been further apart.
"Connecting People" Nokia brags on televisions, magazines, and radio. However, maybe Nokia is guilty of false advertising. Mobiles make it easy to trace anyone down at any time, but everyone has that friend who is always ruining the mood by yelling into a phone-camera-videogame-jukebox.
So out of the gadget-strewn ground grew the disenchanted young adult, far enough from his isolated adolescence to not be angry, but close enough to adulthood to realise that his computer screen will never connect him to anything other than LAN. While it's true that some people do in fact meet their future spouse online or cement a friendship through texting or MSN messenger, it's likely that their e-friend-
ship will stay inside their monitor, subject to atrophy with a pc crash or a power failure.
So jaded to constant technological dependence are we, that protracted coffee breaks are slashed to bearable duration to avoid uncomfortable moments of reality. There are no uneasy silences on the internet. There is something deeply unsettling about a society that can only ditch its inhibitions when real people aren't around. We become our screen-names.
Many people find it comfortable to conduct their lives through the airwaves. They can be part of a network, any network, anywhere, anytime. They will feel betrayed and offended by our assertions. If you are one of these people, text us.
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22 November Part B 3
Part B Watch
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Where is the voice of the people?
Presenting the latest addition to the Beaver, rivalling last week's launch of the B2 section - "The pullout that doesn't pull out" - a column dedicated to investigating what Mr. Joe "Houghton Street" Average thinks of the week's major topic.
Middle-age Chic or Grandpa Faux-pas?
Our inaugural survey was on the controversial theme of the Director's recently-found ability to produce hair on his chin. Previous editions of this term's Beaver have shown photos of the great man sporting a very fashionable beard, possibly to make up for what he lacks on top, one observer speculated. However, after the widespread media attention it received, it has since disappeared down his bathroom sink (we presume).
YES Beard
So the results are conclusive: BRING BACK THE BEARD.
Due to the lack of resources available to this column we were forced to estimate two other polls. The first asked whether the questioner was only marginally less annoying than a Houghton Street Chugger
(96.2%* Yes 3.8%* No)
Selected quotes:
"Very sexy"; "Beard with no hair is always good" "We need more Santa look-a-likes this time of year" "Seems like he's hiding something" "I don't really know what he looks like"
From unnamed member of faculty on him shaving it off: "It didn't suit him ...I don't really blame him"
'ELLO!
What happens if you actually turned around and said hello to someone sitting next to you at one of your lectures? We did, why don't you?
Name: David Runkles Course: MSc Development Management
Lecture: DV420, Friday lpm Old Theatre
Complex Emergencies. Not something you'd associate with a man like David Runkles, though it does turn that he got caught up in a fire at Clapham Junction this morning. He's missed his morning lecture, but he's still fabulously affable; A gorgeous smile wrapped in classic autumnal style, Dave exudes metro appeal; someone we'd need no journalistic drive to go chat to. What's a man like this doing in LSE? Only one way to find out. 'Ello!
A place like LSE, you have to ask the inevitable "Where ya from?". A man like Dave, and there's no predictable answer. "Colorado, the US," comes the reply. Colorado? How could a man so clean shaven be from the same mountains as Grizzly Adams? "Yeah," he confirms, "lots of snow, lots of mountains, not very many people, it's a nice place," smiles David, a flicker or warmth as he thinks of home. Suddenly I want some pie. David's LOVELY!
Studying Development Management, you'd expect it though, bringing stability to the Third World and all. "It's not very common in the US, just saw it, looking around, thought it was a good idea, gave it a try." That's not quite the whole story,
though. David's parents (school teacher, engineer) thought it was "really important to...see a lot of the world. Or as he puts it, "My parent's kinda shipped me out to various places to, kinda, check things out." The man's living proof that travel broadens the mind. China, South East Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Turkey, Mexico... it's easy to see how he got so lovely. Being the middle of three siblings might have something to do with it too (older sister, kid brother).
I'm beginning to go a bit dreamy. Dave cruelly shatters my illusions. "It wasn't travelling all the time..." And then builds them up again, "I was skiing on the weekends.". Mountains, Snow, David, Tragic accidents, "I hurt my knee one year and kinda had to give that up" Youthful promise cut down, how? " My flatmates built a flying fox that went over this concrete drainage house. It broke as I was riding it over the drainage house and I fell, probably, five or ten metres down, ended up in the hospital"
David! No!
The lecture's about to begin, just enough time to ask what the future holds for David Runkles. "I think I'm gonna go start a coffee company. I think I'm gonna go back to Colorado.". Coffee in the mountains? I'm down for a cup. A final word of advice? "Keep your nose clean, Study hard." Finer advice you'll never hear. Isn't it great when you say Hello?
4 Part B 22 November
Part B Interview
How to:
mind the gap
The gap year is a concept becoming increasingly popular. Career breaks and past-A level years out are common conversation-fodder. Hannahsmith gets a moment to talk to Charlotte Hindle, author of Lonely Planet's Gap Year Book and Career Break Book, about all things abroad.
Lonely Planet's Top 10 Must-sees for Students
Many students feel that they must get straight on the career ladder after university. Is travel a realistic option for recent graduates who are saddled with debt?
For Lonely Planet's Gap Year Book, I spoke to lots of pre-uni-versity students who wanted to take a career break after school because they thought they wouldn't be able to afford one after uni. I also talked to loads of students who had such a fantastic time on their pre-uni gap year that they are intending to take a gap after uni too, regardless of debt.
I hate getting into any kind of debt and I think it is something you shouldn't be blase about. The problem with a student loan is that you can be working for years before you pay it off. Therefore, to a certain extent, delaying that re-payment for one more year isn't going to make that much difference.
Clearly there's more to a gap year than backpacking these days. Can you give us an example of the more unusual ways The Gap Year Book' suggests you can spend your year?
Many students use their gap year to do some volunteering, learn a range of new skills (like a language) and to travel independently.
If you want to try something a little different then think about "crewing" on yachts. Travelling from A to B can be expensive but if you work your passage then you not only see a very different side of the world (from the seas) but can travel either for free or for cost. If you want to crew on yachts, you need to do a Competent Crew course before you leave the UK, as competition for jobs can be fierce.
When I took a gap year I went to Australia. If I had my time again I'd do a "jackaroo and jillaroo course" where you learn about managing a working property from horse-back. There are a number of jackaroo and jillaroo schools in Australia - one of them is the Leconfield School (wjmletmOiJiliaciiarmtQm) •
Whilst researching this new edition, have you noticed new trends emerging amongst gappers?
The most popular places to go for a gap year are still Australia and New Zealand, not only because they are exciting destinations, well set up for young travellers but betause you can work there on a working holiday
visa. However, there are currently a lot of gappers travelling in Central and South America and learning Spanish there too. Europe is also becoming a popular destination, again, because you can work there fairly easily.
You have also authored Lonely Planet's 'The Career Break Book'. Career breaks seem to be a growing phenomenon. Why do you think more people are rejecting traditional working patterns and going abroad to do other things?
Nowadays, I think we live in a "can do" society. We still have dreams but the difference between us and our parents is that we do something about them and turn our dreams into reality. There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn't work hard and then take time off. Careers are also different these days - they are not so linear, not so progressive. If you are loyal and hard-working you may still get made redundant tomorrow and so from a professional perspective we are all moving jobs more frequently and doing different professional things all the time. Hence, it is far easier to take four to 12 months off, recharge our batteries, live our dreams and then slip back into our professional lives.
As a founder of Lonely Planet's London office, and a freelance travel writer and photographer, you have had a career many people would envy. Work-wise, how did you get where you are today?
Er, that's very kind of you. I have the job I have today more by luck than judgement (and I think that's probably the case for anyone you'd ask). If I hadn't have taken a gap year to Australia then I would never have started work at Lonely Planet's Head Office in Melbourne. If I hadn't have been going our with an Australian boyfriend I would not have been able to get "permanent residency" and so work for LP for four years before they asked me to return home to open up the UK office. I quit being General Manager of the UK office in June 2002 because I had a growing family and although I loved my job I didn't want to spend as much time as I needed to abroad. When I quit and, effectively took a career break, I didn't know what I
When I took a gap year I went to Australia. If I had my time again I'd do a "jackaroo and jillaroo course" where you learn about managing a working property from horseback.

wanted to do next. However, having spent my life in travel, it made sense that I continued in this profession. After four months, LP contacted me and asked if I wanted to write the first Gap Year Book (I had always championed this title when I worked for them full-time). Hence, I became an LP author and started writing for other outlets too. I also take travel photographs and sell these as well. If you want to know how to break into travel writing, I also co-wrote Lonely Planet's new Travel Writing Book.
What advice would you give to those wanting to pursue a | career in travel journalism?
The best way to break into this area is to do some work experience on a travel desk of a newspaper or magazine. OK, I know work experience doesn't pay but if you are good you will spend the first few days making tea, then someone will ask you to research a topic, then someone will ask you to research and write it up. At this stage, you should ask that your name appear as the writer. And, hey presto, you are in print. In this industry you need to get your name out there and you need to get to know people. If you prove yourself to be reliable and competent then there's a good chance that you will be called by the staff of whoever you're doing work experience for after you have left them.
You've seen so much of the world during your career, is there one place you've really fallen in love with?
Yes, San Sebastian in northern Spain. I have been there twice this year already. I guess having children skews my view a little but San Sebastian has everything - safe beautiful beaches and also surf ones, an historic old town, a working harbour, an interesting marina, a fascinating and cultural modern town set behind the beach, world-class restaurants, and quirky little bars. Otherwise, places that I have been to and immediately fallen in love with include: Sydney, San Francisco and Panama.
Find out more at:
ww,lonclvptankfiom
Uluru (Ayer's Rock, Australia): The mystical read heart of Australia
Angkor	Wat
(Cambodia):A world wonder of extensive temples built by the former Khmer empire
Machu Picchti & the Inca Trail (Peru): This classic trek takes you to one of, the wonders of the ancient world
Lhasa (Tibet): The Potala
Palace, Jokhang Temple and bruised heart of Tibetan culture
San Francisco (USA): The
nation's most un-American city is also it's most beautiful, outrageous and fun-loving
Dogon Couritiy (Mali): A
stunning escarpment forms the backdrop for a unique animist culture.
Dubrovnik & Dalmalia Coast (Croatia): Jaw-droppingly beautiful coastline and a fabulous 1300-uyear-old walled city.
Petra	(Jordan):
Spectacular rose-coloured city hewn from the rock amid stunning scenery.
Central Kyrgyzstan:
Gorgeous highland lakes and valleys, where you can visit the Tash Rabat caravanserai, a 15th century inn on the old Silk Road.
Kathmandn (Nepal): The
ultimate backpacker hangout, with barsand temples
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Part B Interview
22 November Part B
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6 Part B 22 November
film
high school boy, Donnie Darko (they couldn't have possibly given him a better name), who manages to escape his own death, thereby changing his own destiny and those of the people intricately connected to him. The two weeks he spends living a parallel life are a crescendo of tension, partly due to the obsessive presence of a hallucinatory rabbit with a creepy voice and the dramatic evolving of the lives around him in American suburbia at the end of the 1980s.
Donnie Darko
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Initially the film is grounded in a familiar reality, and eventually it entrenches itself in something surreal. We eventually discover that this is achieved through the means of time travel. Although this film explores the philosophical and metaphysical implications of time travel, this is not the main focus of the film. Everything convenes in depicting a society that is progressively deteriorating and an outsider who gets a chance (or so it seems) to change the world and become
Harry Potter and the ^©°ds
If you watch Donnie Darko for the first time and are puzzled, bewildered and perhaps overwelmed, believe me, it's normal.
When it was released, the film had earned critical acclaim but had flopped in theatres. However, soon after its release on DVD it quickly became a cult classic. I think the only explanation possible for this is that this is one of those films you need to see at least twice to fully appreciate, and at least three times to understand. The film was not commercially viable because it does not fit into a particular genre, and so it was difficult to market. Jake Gyllenhaal was relatively unknown, and Richard Kelly was an even lesser known 26-year-old director on a very low budget.
The story is centred around a
Goblet of Fire
anthonysergiou watches harry fight evil spirits, battle fire-breathing dragons and confront his awakening teenage sexuality in the darkest, scariest potter film yet
The most exhilarating and difficult life experiences await Harry Potter as he returns to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for his fourth year of study in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, the fourth film adaptation of J.K. Rowling's immensely popular Harry Potter novel series.
For those unfamiliar with Rowling's Goblet of Fire, Harry is involuntarily entered into a dangerous magical competition, the Triwizard Tournament. It entails three
challenges: evading a fire-breathing dragon, diving into the depths of a great lake and navigating a maze with a life of its own. But they are all less daunting than the most terrifying challenge: finding a date for the Hogwart's Yule Ball Dance.
Goblet of Fire is widely considered the best Potter book, and its film adaptation reflects that sentiment. It seems darker and scarier than its predecessors and has commanded a 12A rating from the British Board of Film Classification, meaning that some young fans will not be
able to go see the new film. However, J.K. Rowling's audience has grown up since the first Harry Potter movie was released and in tandem the film explores more serious issues such as death and the awakening sexuality of young teenagers. 'This is one of the most challenging of all the films,' notes David Heyman, producer of the film series. 'We needed someone who could direct a dark and sus-penseful thriller, drive exhilarating action sequences and yet at the same time, be intuitive and sensitive to the comic angst of being a teenager.' And so he brought the first British director, Mike Newell, to the film series. Newell, who directed Dances with a Stranger, Donnie Brasco and Four Weddings and a Funeral, realises that Harry Potter and his circle of friends are quickly growing up and combines difficulties of young adolescence with threats of pure evil facing Harry Potter within J.K. Rowling's magical universe.
The first Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, was released in 2001 and ploughed nearly $ibil-lion dollars into the box office, becoming the third highest-gross-ing film ever made. Its successors, 2002's Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and 2004's Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, grossed $866million and $794million respectively. Given the epic scale of the latest instalment, the filmmakers aim to generate a higher box-office turnout than ever before. During a press conference, many fantastic young British actors discussed the challenges of starring in a film of such monumental size. Running at over 2 hours and 30 minutes, this film contains some stunning special effects and is a watchable thriller.
Donnie Darko
assiatorrigiani illustrates why donnie darko remains a cult favourite and a timeless gem that can be understood on many levels and should be viewed again and again
Apparently Brad Pitt enjoys the comedy of British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) so much; he lends him his second L.A. home while he spends time in America. Other people, namely the government officials of Kazakhstan, evidently don't find him quite as amusing. Recently, Sacha Baron Cohen donned his usual moustache to host the MTV Europe music awards, portraying himself as 'Borat,' a reporter from Kazakhstan who declares his country's favourite pastimes to be 'disco dancing, archery, rape and table tennis.' The government officials of Kazakhstan have threatened to carry out legal action against him. Sacha Baron Cohen is currently in the process of filming a theatrical full length feature film titled Borat, which is being directed by Larry Charles.
Also coming out soon is the first instalment of the long awaited Chronicles ofNarnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. To me, it seems like this will be another one of those typically over-ambitious novel adaptations, which uses elaborate special effects to compensate for a boring story line. Most of these films read better as novels, and they usually end up being too long on screen, just like their titles. I suggest that you wait to see a movie like Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain, which will overwhelm its viewers with its masterful directing and raw performances. The success of this upcoming trilogy is essentially calculated before its release. Firstly, I think that it is arrogant to film a trilogy all at once. Secondly, visual effects are overrated and overdone. Lastly, the lion in the preview looks fake. If you compare the inevitable success this trilogy to the success of The Godfather, it should be obvious that success of the former will have hollow quality.
the master of his own destiny.
Although Donnie is presented as a psychologically disturbed adolescent, he is in fact the only character I can truly relate to because he follows his true nature. As for the performances, Jake Gyllenhaal did an excellent job of portraying a strange and intelligent character, and his performance was a debut performance that lead him in the direction of a fruitful career. I have a soft spot for Noah Wyle, who, in a supporting role, plays Donnie's teacher, departing from his usual 'Dr. Carter' self.
Finally, Richard Kelly is praiseworthy as he not only directed the film, but also wrote the screenplay.
caseycohen
Why don't you put wife in cage? They escape if you do not.'
'In America, women can vote but horse cannot. It is the other way around in my country.'
22 November Part B 7
film

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
in these times of rampant anti-americanism, kevinperry thinks it's important to return to one majestic and hallucinatory appraisal of the american dream, as described by the recently departed holy father of gonzo journalism
Elizabethtown
the critics may shun and thespians ignore, but susiestanford enjoys herself while watching bloom and dunst taking the piss and trying to get into each other's pants
It's all about my flatmate, Miss Bainton. Seriously though, it's all about the fact that Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom want to leave their respective Hollywood other-halves and get into each other's pants. Elizabethtown is merely expensive subterfuge, an excuse for them to have an affair. Go see the film and then try to tell me I'm wrong.
The world's greatest romantic cynic, I dismiss the belief that there is ever a chance of everything working out well. So why did familiar themes and camera angles not stir the bitch within me? Because Elizabethtown took heinous once-in-a-lifetime moments and made them go a bit off key. Not in the farcical way Sandra Bullock might, but in ways you take the piss out of your mates for doing. It's a bit like Buck's Fizz; you can see what Tesco's were thinking but they didn't have a hope of pulling it off. Those moments when, in retrospect, you wonder how you gauged it so wrong. Dunst makes Bloom a romantic gift of an
interactive map (think Buck's Fizz), which he overtly takes the piss out of. But then he is enough of a muppet to actually follow her instructions. This is the stuff that makes you internally implode when it's retold by a mate on a Friday night in the Tuns.
At one point, they have a ten-hour phone call and decide to drive hundreds of miles to meet romantically and watch the sun rise. A huge build up revs you up for a really spew-worthy scene. But when they finally meet, they decide it was a stupid idea to meet. A big fan of anti-climax, I absolutely love when art mimics life. All that said, there are still some absolutely vile one liners.
I can't quite work out if all this was intentional. I reckon that the filmmakers had visions of a slightly tongue-in-cheek romantic comedy, along the lines of Bring It On. But Dunst and Bloom, given their off-screen relationship, couldn't do it that way. It's like when you were cast opposite the bloke you fancied in the school play; it added a whole new dimension to making a pillock of yourself. It is a marvelous
spectacle when you can see where the distinction between character and actor blurs.
There are several minor characters worth noting. The first is the constantly screaming child (they say you like characters you empathise with). Another is Susan Sarandon, who manages to make sentimental moments palatable. In fact, I would almost say pleasurable. Almost.
Elizabethtown does not change or challenge the face of its medium, but then again neither does snakebite. My point is there is nothing clever about belittling something that strikes a chord. You like it. The critics may shun and thespians ignore, but so what? It tickled my fancy. Maybe instead of saying I enjoyed it, I should rephrase: I enjoyed myself during it.
I leave you with the image of Orlando Bloom trying to commit suicide by strapping a kitchen knife to his aerobics cycling machine. Now tell me that doesn't get you smiling.
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% ^	J the desert, when the drugs began to take hold'
M / % / begins this unparalleled pilgrimage of a film which y %/ charts the 'savage journey to the heart of the W W American Dream' of Raoul Duke, alter-ego of recently departed father of Gonzo journalism Hunter S. Thompson, and his equally crazed attorney, Dr. Gonzo. Sent to Las Vegas with orders to cover a motocross race, the Mint 400, and later a police convention on narcotics, the protagonists find themselves cavorting around the city leaving a trail of mayhem and destruction in their wake all whilst under the influence of 'almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 AD.'
However, beneath the wicked humour of this twisted tale is Thompson's biting satire of the American Dream, railing at once against the evils of the Nixon administration, and then against the failings of Timothy Leary's acid-headed hippies.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, was the author's tour-de-force work and Terry Gilliam's 1998 adaptation is painstakingly faithful to its source. Originally destined to be directed by Sid and Nancy's Alex Cox until he and Thompson clashed, the film ended up in the hands of the former Monty Python animator whose quirky style had been established in films like Brazil and Twelve Monkeys and proved a perfect match with Thompson's psychedelic, hallucinatory imagery. Thompson's prose, acerbic yet majestic, runs through this film like a red cord and the brutal, uncompromising language is lifted verbatim by Gilliam, with Johnny Depp mimicking his Kentuckian drawl with an expertise borne of spending months under the tutelage of the late author. Depp took method acting to extremes for this role, moving into Thompson's basement and allowing the man himself to shave his flowing locks with only a miner's headlamp for illumination.
Depp is joined by a stellar cast who capably rise to the demands of the material, featuring everyone from a pre-Spiderman Tobcy Maguire to the youthful Cameron Diaz and Christina Ricci.
There's even time for cameos from magician Penn Gillette, of Penn & Teller fame, Flea of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and of course Thompson himself. However it is the powerhouse performances from the film's two leads that, along with Thompson's searing prose, light up this film with the power of an industrial-strength flare. Both Depp and Benicio Del Toro are almost unrecognisable; Depp is bald and gurning whilst Del Toro gained forty pounds to play his 'Samoan attorney.'
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was never going to be a mainstream success or a box office smash, but it can be counted amongst the best book-to-film adaptations ever made, especially considering the supposedly 'unfilmable' nature of its source material, and also as a great piece of movie making in its own right. In these times of proliferate anti-Americanism, a thorough and biting appraisal of the nature of the American Dream has never been needed more, and here it is, savage, uncompromising and utterly essential. As Hunter himself would put it, 'Buy the ticket, take the Ride.'
8 Part B 22 November
Her
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Visual Arts editor danielbenedictyates imagined he was simply going to enjoy an exhibition of pieces by 5 prominent sound artists - little did he know that along the way he'd be skipping through electromagnetic fields, encountering more plasticine than a reception class teacher at a Steiner school and cutting a record with Sonic Youth.
Tucked away in a leafy part of deepest Southwark, a stonesthrow from the Camberwell College of Arts stands the South London Gallery which is currently hosting Her Noise, an exhibition of international sound art.
The 'Her Noise' project was started in late 2001 by Lina Dzuverovic and Anne Hilde Neset who, having collaborated on a monthly event series called Interference at London's Lux Centre began to investigate the lack of female presence on the independent music scene at the time. Since then the project has attracted luminaries of music and art, such as Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon and Thurston Moor, arch sound maven Juttio Christa and founding mothers of the Riot Grrl movement Toby Vail (of Bikini Kill) and Alison Wolfe (of Bratmobile).
'Her Noise' is an exhibition featuring five newly commissioned installations by international artists whose practice shares the use of sound as a medium to investigate social relations, inspire action or uncover hidden soundscapes. For details check the website at www.southlondongallery.org or go to www.hernoise.com for information about the project.
aytey Newman iwinttlux
As a former Fellow of the Ruskin School of Drawing and Fine Art at Oxford one might expect Hayley Newman to be doing something other than making hundreds of crude plasticine models and placing them on step ladders, chairs and mocked up grand pianos. However this is exactly what she has done under the unifiying theme of the reproduction of objects used in the musical scores of the 60s Fluxus movement (in which Yoko Ono was a prominent player). Countless little oddities are perched around the exhibition space. A shockingly garish pink tracksuit of unfeasible solidity stands next to a lumpen and bloodless severed tongue. A purple tie, unsettlingly unsilken, flanks a hopelessly deformed pelican drooped over an outsized screw. These miniature curios form whole vistas of prime childish colour and yet at the same time manage to be distinctly underwhelming. With the haphazard and unimaginative placement of objects (the spatial relations are unremittingly dull) anulling any potential sense of curiosity, and the uniform sub Art Brut primitivism (Morph is surely spinning in his fiery grave) having a similar effect, the piece is perhaps an empty plastacine workout, and comes across rather like a collection no collector would ever have the inclination to collect. As an adjunct to this piece Hayley Newman: A Concert is taking place on Saturday the 26th of November, where a series of musical performances based upon the Miniflux installation will
be performed in the form of a conventional concert. Mystifyingly Newman's current interest is in 'Rubbernecking' {and the artist is scheduling a series of trips to 'places reported in the I news', where she plans to 'slow 1 down, crane her neck and strain to ' look'.

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affe Matthews Sonic Bed Laboratory
Situated its own serene and spacious vestibule at the back of the gallery, Kaffe Matthews' 'Sonic Bed Laboratory' (pictured above) is a sensory circus and an orgy of sound as movement. Reminiscent of the mechanical beds you can find at the more lubricious motels, (the ones that upon insertion of some coinage proceed to shudder and shake in a paroxysm of massage until you can't feel where your body ends and the motel begins) the audience are invited to remove their shoes, climb into bed, lie down or curl up and relax as their entire bodies are caressed by sound. And that is where the industrial motel contraption and its contemporary soundart cousin part ways. The sub-cutaenous juddering is administered by a specially constructed amphitheatre of speakers, built into the frame of the bed itself. 12 channels of sound can manipulate the bodies of up to 6 audience members with a symphony of noise that uses the architectural map of the human corpus and the frequencies it is tuned to as a score, creating some of the most bizarre and encompassing of bodily sensations available outside of soho. Rumbles of exquisitely morphing timbre and tone will seemingly swell from under your pelvis and traverse your entire body whilst high-pitched squees rocket and climb around your head, before shooting off to worry your feet. Lying cocooned in this soundscape sarcophagus is a binaural blast.
22 November Part B 9
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¦ With her band Sonic Youth - arguably amongst the most exceptional and iconoclastic guitar bands of the 20th century - Kim Gordon has, for many years, been seen as one of the leading ladies of independent music, and here she lends her musical prowess to a piece that is less an exhibit than an open invitation to participation. Ably assisted by visual artist Jutta .Koether, whose previous work has drawn on New York's experimental music scene, Gordon creates an elegant and involving experience, a microcosmic music industry suspended in total artistic freedom. In Reverse Karaoke, exhibition visitors are encouraged to create their own piece of music using the guitars, drumkit and other vari-...... L ... _ . ous instruments, found piled in a strange, partially charcoaled tent sit-
M°(hn en,63'	uated squarely in the middle of the exhibition space. The only factor
Nothing EP (unsigned: 2005) ^ ^ ^ ^ from ^	free improvisation is the addition
of a pre-recorded vocal track by Gordon herself, a disembodied marker upon which to lay whatever strums, dischords and dalliances the visitor/artist intentionally or accidentally makes. After the track has been recorded by the technicians at the adjacent sound desk, the visitartist then moves to a desk littered with inks, crayons stamps and pens, and is required to design two covers for their record, one for them, and the other to be sent to Kim Gordon.-
A marvel in its conception and accomplished in its execution, Reverse Karaoke, as an exercise in demystification, audience participation and creative spontaneity, excels. As Gordon says about reverse karaoke 'Coming from a DIY punk context, it's important for me to show how easy it can be to make music'
wires.
One of the great 'revelations' of 20th century science was the idea that all existence can be broken down into simple wave functions. However these waves, with their frequencies, amplitudes, phases and powers, can rarely be perceived by human faculties alone. With her Electrical Walks (detailed above) Christina Kubisch wants to let us in on the secret sonic world of electromagnetic signals. With specially adapted headphones that convert electromagnetic fields into audio signals the public is invited to navigate the city with its invisible enclaves of sound, moving through interlocking fields of aural stimuli, from security systems to w-lan hotspots, passing navigation systems and mobile phones. With this radically altered perception Kubisch is able to add dimensionality to her understanding of a city: London, she says "has dense sound structures in the City, beautiful high glissandi frequencies traveling on buses and multilayered chords of sound on the underground tube trains." She is also provided with a strange vantage point from which to observe globalisation, and has noticed that many sounds, especially those security-related, have become uniform and homogenised, whether heard in Tokyo or New York, London or Madrid they remain the same.
In the exhibition itself a room is provided laced with electromagnetic wires, hanging from the ceiling like the appendages of some sci-fi jellyfish. The headphones are donned and within seconds the most delicious atonal symphony is produced as the listener moves in and the
Thoroughly ing for those penchant experimenta music, or for someone curious ear.
lO Part B 22 November
Shock Verdict: Mr Wu acquitted for crimes against gastronomy
Club Ticket Giveaway
Knowwhere @ Heaven
What was the name of the group I was giving away free tickets for last time? (Bloody ingrates...)
1)	Doppe & Potte
2)	Kraak & Smaak
3)	Skunk & Coke
For those of you who want to go but don't win tickets here's the lowdown:
Website:	www.club-
knowwhere.co.uk
Dress Code: None
Hours: iopm-6am
Tel. number: 020 7930 2020 Venue + Info no 07887-518253
Venue: Heaven
Address: Under The Arches, off Villiers Street, Charing Cross, WC2
Capacity -1,800
Price - £12 members, £14 concessions, £16 on the door
Date - 1st Fri of the month, Friday 2nd December
Nearest Tube - Embankment (Circle/District Line), Charing Cross (Bakerloo/Northern Line)
Chinese Buffet
MW Buffet King 58-60 Shaftesbury Av
A brief introduction for those of you not in the know about the plethora of Chinese restaurants and buffets -Mr. Wu is perhaps the most infamous of all Chinese buffets in London. For something in the region of £5 you can eat all the Westernised quasi-Chinese pap your undiscerning stomach and palate can cope with. Sweet and Sour Chicken, Lemon Chicken, bog-standard Beef in Black Bean Sauce ... In short - an absolute nightmare for anyone who values half-decent food, let alone Chinese-food aficionados. I'm not even being snobbish about it, there's plenty of good Chinese food about, but Mr Wu is truly scraping the barrel.
Yet there is hope. I was strolling along on Shaftesbury Avenue when I did a double take and back-pedalled, gazing longingly into a window. Heaps of juicy, succulent roasted duck with crisp skin was arrayed before me. Beautiful, proper shell on prawns beckoned to me with their tiny dead feelers.
It was then I looked up at the writing on the window proclaiming that it was an all-you-can-eat-buffet and my heart sang with joy - could it be true? As much roast duck as I could manage to consume? Every time I journey in to the depths of Gressingham you can hear the alarmed cries of terrified waterfowl.
My ecstasy was swiftly interrupted by a jarring shock -upon looking at the name emblazoned on the shop front I realised it was my culinary nemesis ... Mr. Wu. How could something so appealing be served by arguably
one of the worst Chinese Food chain? The answer was revealed upon further investigation - the buffet cost £8.50 - a mere £3 seems capable of permitting them to serve decent food rather than crap.
The reassuring thing was that there were actually Chinese people eating in there, it wasn't just an 'Angus Steak House' (The Western member of the axis of gastronomic evil) type Mecca for tourists with no taste.
The restaurant is fully licensed, although I personally just opted for their tea (standard £1 unlimited refills of green tea), but they also serve beer and spirits (I must confess I wasn't paying attention so I cannot guarantee they do wine, but to be honest I'd steer clear either way - I'm as yet to have a passable bottle of wine in a budget Chinese restaurant).
The system of the restaurant is pretty simple: You have a plate on your table to kick off with, although you can take spares from next to the food service area. Bowls are provided for soup (or rice if you'd rather keep it separate) and there are little containers for chilli oil or sweet and sour sauce. Last time I checked they were offering two soups, including Hot and Sour, which always tends to be a fairly safe bet.
In terms of accompaniments (which are right next to the soup hence why I'm tackling those first before the food proper) there's an offering of steamed or egg fried rice, noodles (underwhelming in my opinion, but then I'm picky about the quality of my noodles) and oddly enough, of all things, a paella which is sadly also rather unremarkable (although you wouldn't necessarily expect it to be that good) although it did come loaded with lots of seafood which is a significant saving grace. I'd personally just grab a
few of the mussels from the paella then move on and get some proper rice.
Chips are also on offer, but much in line with the paella I would advise the illustrious Mr. Wu that it's best to stick to the Chinese cuisine.
The main selection of food is where this MW comes into its own. The aforementioned roast duck and prawns are most likely going to be two of the huge draws, but there's plenty more to commend it - excellent succulent chicken (served in the same manner as the duck), a lovingly braised beef casserole of sorts which I was very pleasantly surprised by - it was literally falling apart (in a good way) and not overcooked. A few of the usual suspects are around - general meats in sauces which are not of great note but perfectly good if you want to have a bit of variety. Good Char Siu (Honey Roasted Pork) is also on show and acquits itself admirably. They also serve a selection of starters such as pork dumplings, prawn crackers (sadly the white polystyrene ones rather than the nice ones) and spring rolls.
To top it off they have an array of fruit (but then I can never be bothered saving space for fruit when there's such fabulous meaty delights to enjoy.
All in all it's well worth popping along to "MW Buffet King" to dispel the myth that all of its branches are unbelievably shite.
All you can eat for under £10 including tea and a little tip - It's about the best value you're going to find in London (for a meat-oriented all you can eat).
If you also want to try another Chinese buffet there is always Chuen Cheng Ku (CCK Buffet) on Wardour Street which is £5.50/£8.80 lunch/dinner respectively - whilst it has a different selection of food I personally favour MW.
Knowwhere to go on a Friday night?
I'm terribly disappointed that not a single one of you wanted free gig tickets - we're students for God's sake, most of you would accept a free enema.
Unlike the fallacious thinking of regular lottery players "I'm bound to win one day" - in this case it's almost guaranteed, you're most likely not going to have any competition so it wouldn't hurt to have a pop if you fancy the sound of it!
As it is, this week the kind people of 'Knowwhere' have given me 3 free pairs of tickets to be won for their new night at 'Heaven' - the renowned Charing Cross club.
I'm not much of a clubber, it has to be admitted, but apparently 'Knowwhere' have been generating a
great deal of buzz on the underground clubbing scene for their once-a-month clubbing extravaganzas. Having just had a huge 4th Birthday and launch party they are now, according to their promotional literature, "continuing to rock the house in large stylee".
Most of you will probably recognise Heaven as being infamously gay, but as far as I can see this night is not specifically targeted to the LGBT crowd (though it may be a laugh to turn up and find out either way).
If you'd like to win a pair of tickets to next month's pre-Christmas celebration then simply email the answer to the question on the left to G.REES@LSE.AC.UK by Friday:
*3'''Mitt Swow wja*- la MM
22 November Part B 11
travel
Fly from l.ondon Heathrow to Amsterdam direct in Nov for £78.10 National Express eoacli takes 12 hrs each way and costs £57 with a Yonng Person's Coachcard
One night in a dorm in a budget hostel 20 - 30 Euros Bed and breakfast in a more upmarket hotel 40 - 50 Euros Fat doobie splijjf- 5 Euros
Sex Museum open toam - 11.30pm daily. Entry fee 2.5 Euros www, vlsitanistordani.nl & www.ani.sterdaiiitourist.nl
Altiste h l The Netherlands
Is there more to Amsterdam than vice? ramyanagesh shows us that its seedy underbelly is just one tacet of this vibrant and cultural city.
Perching uncomfortably on a giant plastic penis was not perhaps" exactly what I'd imagined when I'd booked my ticket out here -prostitutes, 'coffee shops' and smutty cinemas were to be expected but surely a sex museum was taking it a little too far, even for Amsterdam. The museum (with photographs, models and not at all tasteful videos that gave a new meaning to the phrase 'cruelty to animals') was thronged with people - mostly male I might add. Yet, passing each excitable and disgusted cluster, I heard all languages and .dialects - except Dutch. This part of Amsterdam, it seemed, was j reserved for tourists.
It's not hard to get caught up in the image of Amsterdam. That is, after all, why the tourists visit, and Amsterdam delivers the goods every time. It knows that there is nowhere else like it in the world, that crowds of people will go crazy at the relaxed cannabis laws and the prostitutes advertising themselves under lights in the windows like slabs of meat in a butcher's shop. But I was there with a local. My boyfriend at the time was spending a year living and studying there and - under the guise of being a doting girlfriend who wanted to spend quality time with him - I went to check it out. I'm not sure what I expected. Clouds of weed smoke and prostitutes around every corner probably. And to some extent I got it. But I also got a glimpse of something else.
Walk down the street from the Leidesplien, the square that is the heart of the city centre, turn left and you're suddenly in a cosy restau-
rant, Riminy. Here, the locals chat animatedly to each other in Dutch, the waiter knows the customers by name and the manager's cat sits curled up on the window, watching the people lazily. Hot, melting pizzas and crispy paninis are home-made for just three Euros, throw in less than a Euro extra and you get an ice cold beer too. The beer is Wieckse Witte or Orangepalm, ironically many locals don't drink Heineken, the 'typical Dutch Beer'. This sums up Amsterdam: the 'typical Dutch Beer' which the tourists drink like water, but many of the locals look upon with mild disdain, never touching it themselves.
It was the cleanliness that struck me. Living in London that year, I had become accustomed to encountering cars everywhere, and consequently a haze of pollution that just hung in the air. I actually stopped noticing it in London until it was absent in Amsterdam. The majority of the people there ride bikes, and you can tell the difference it makes. The air is fresher, the roads are cleaner, and while there is the odd bout of bike rage, ride-by-shootings are practically unheard of.
The two Amsterdams live side by side. At night, Leidesplien is literally buzzing and the red light district is on top form. Lights flash in a rainbow of different colours, all types of music from the rhythmic thumping of drum and bass to the lazy drawl of reggae travel from all possible spaces and meet in the centre. The spicy smell of fried onions and batter fills the air, luring even the most health conscious, and the novelty value of FUBU - meat from a vending machine - draws giggling drunks. Amidst all this, coloured banners and flags swoop idly in the wind, announcing the sexual preferences that each place caters for: rainbow stripes for homosexual, blue for dominatrix and many more options that make the mind boggle. Yet, walking out of the luminous red light district into the dark, you are suddenly upon a canal. Houseboats rest gently in the dark water, couples stroll hand in hand. Bridges are lit tastefully, so that in the dark, it looks like the water is broken up by clusters of diamonds.
On our way back from a night out once, we were walking along this canal, helping two friends home. They were lagging behind, and suddenly had disappeared. I instinctively looked at the dark water in a panic, but then my eye caught a glow, apparently coming from the stone wall, amidst the silent houses. We moved towards it; the glow was coming, not from the stones, but from a tiny room. It was totally deserted, but welcoming. Inside, our friends - suddenly both sober and silent - were staring around them. Paintings crowded the room. There
was everything: fruit, landscapes, people, even a depiction of God. The room couldn't have been bigger than ten square feet, but in it were hidden beautiful works of art. The shrieks of laughter and music filled the air outside as we stood silently hidden in the tiny alcove.
Amsterdam will always send the tourists home happy, whether it is because they are stoned, or because they had a hotel in the red light district. Tourists go to Amsterdam because on the face of it, it is 'dirty'. Stereotypically 'the home of sinners'. But looking at those who have actually made it their home, the soul of the city shines through. And it is surprisingly pure.
Amsterdamn sexy
SEX MUSEUM AMSTERDAM
Everything Bad Is Good For You ft:
Steven If Johnson
and the pursuit of a virtuous and self-critical existence. It is frequently tinged with melancholia and one receives the impression of a world-weary man. 'Meditations' is an extremely pensive and self-reflective assessment on the human condition. That being said, it is not crammed with optimistic and cheery tidbits of wisdom.
I found it all the more fascinating that the well-known Machiavelli wrote about statecraft and realpolitik (The Prince) which is tinged with a fair degree of cynicism and savoir-faire. The 'Meditations', on the other hand, reflect a far humbler mind devoid of bitterness or skepticism from a man who ruled the Roman Empire at its apogee. 'Meditations' is written simply and plainly; there are no complex political theories, but observances on life and its meaning. From birth and death, to waking yourself up in the morning to go to work, and even to withstanding unpleasant body odors, 'Meditations' faces the essence of human nature and our obscurities which were relevant today as they were thousands of years ago. I strongly recommend this inspiring classic to anyone as a priceless collection of thoughts based on reason and faith in a world seemingly bereft of them.
JONATHAN
STRANGE
&
Mr NORRELL
S-
Susanna Clarke
Fiction
Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke
(Bloomsbury)
* * * *
A 1000 page epic fantasy set in the 19th century? It was with a raised eyebrow that I entered Clarke's meandering fairytale world of 19th century politics, war, enchantment, illusion, faeries, storms and snarled woods.
I emerged extremely sleep deprived and utterly captivated. This book is an enormous feat of imagination, which manages to blend the extraordinary and fantastical with the actuality of 19th century London, as we follow the journey of two magicians who set out to bring Magic back to England.
Clarke's masterpiece is witty and socially insightful, and is made rich, with a winding history of English magic that weaves itself in and out of a novel that is at times light-hearted and full of humour and at others haunting-ly macabre and chilling. A beautiful novel that, for once, deserves all of the hype and more.
tanzilarashid
The
e
Part B
November
12
The Wanderer
by nooralainazaz
In all the confusion Megan knew one thing for certain: she had to talk to Emily. But what was she going to say? She didn't want to hurt her by mentioning Marcus but, as her best friend she needed to know.
She looked around the hall looking lost, pushing and shoving past people until she spotted Emily outside the hall on a nearby bench. Megan was relieved that she hadn't left. Moving swiftly over to her, her black dress whipped around her ankles in the cool breeze. She sat quietly beside Emily.
"Are you okay?" she asked tentatively.
"Yeah", Emily replied with eyes down. She could always sense her friend's presence. Megan had to adjust to this closed Emily ever since her father had passed away. But, she refused to leave her alone at any given time.
"You sure?" Megan asked with an anxious voice. "I told you, yeah" she replied flicking her red hair sideways as she always did when she would get annoyed. Megan persisted, "What did he say?" Emily was silent to this question which made Megan imagine the worst. But she needed to know. So she waited in the tense silence that ensued until finally Emily gave way to it, "Nothing much."
"So why are they here?" It was more of a thought expressed out loud to her self than a question to Emily. But unintentionally Megan seemed to catch her attention. "Who's they?" Emily turned to face her friend.
Megan shocked by this sudden movement replied hastily, "Oh- I saw Arthur here as well. He said they came to give their condolences". A shiver ran through Emily: something was definitely up.
Thoughts tumbled around in her head. How could Marcus come into her life again after 10 years? And why would he come to give condolences when he had despised her father? She tried not think about the way he had looked at her. She closed her eyes so as to shut him out. The thought of him made her stomach tighten. What was it about him that even after 10 years he was able to make her feel a nerve being pulled at her heart.
Oh, how she hated herself right now. She knew she should be more concerned with what had happened to her father, but she had never been attached to him in any way whatsoever. He had always neglected her and that had left a gap in her heart. A feeling that she needed to be loved. That used to never be the case whenever she used to feel Marcus's presence. That would never be the case if Marcus had not done what he did. All she knew right now was that she could never forgive him.
If you would like to continue this story and to see previous entries please email Rothna at r.begum@lse.ac.uk or check it out at http://lselit.50webs.c0n1/.
Classical Literature; Is Marcus Aurelius of any importance today and should his works remain on the dusty shelves?
tserenlim argues that Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is just as important as it ever was.
Auto - Biography
Literature or Life by Jorge Semprun (Viking Adult)
There are books which change the way you see your own life. Literature or life is one of them. At first sight it only is one more book about concentration camps. This feeling lasts till you have read the first page. Then you realise that it is not only about how the author survived during his time at Buchenwald, but how he survived afterwards. How he bore the fact that he was a survivor. How his life was saved thanks to texts he had learnt by heart. As the title shows, this unclassifiable book (it is half autobiographical, half philosophical) is in fact more about why literature can be important in one's life, about the power of language in processing experiences, than about what Semprun saw or lived. He describes his feelings, thoughts and worries then and now. His memories of the camp come back fragmented, not always in the chronological order. He does not try to order them. He just tries to share them, as fairly as possible. And without doubts, he succeeds!
luciegoulet
Popular Non-Fiction
Everything Bad Is Good For You by Steven Johnson
(Riverhead)
* *
If you have ever felt guilty liking Big Brother, don't. Steven Johnson claims that you have just raised your social intelligence. Drawing from The Sopranos, The Usual Suspects, Grand Theft Auto and Sim City, the author argues that the increasing complexity of television programs, computer games and internet websites prepares us for handling multiple flows of information, increases our social awareness and improves.our puzzle solving skills.
The author mentions that the book is directed at a popular audience and that it is not an academic work. This is prudent, as scholars are unlikely to find much of his arguments persuasive: among other things, he claims that holding multiple conversations on different MSN windows improves you information handling skills. Indeed, on Plastic.com, the discussion board which the author founded, the book has been widely panned as hack writing.
However convenient his thesis may be, it is at best an interesting hypothesis.
ambrosewong
Non-Fiction
Talking For Britain by Simon Elmes (Penguin Books Ltd)
Being made to use proper English as a child, Simon Elmes has set out to expose, in all its glory, the deviances and aberrations of "Good English". Speaking to everyone from industrialists and academics in Scotland to clubbers and pub goers in Cornwall, he explores the vernacular the British people in each region. This book also doubles as snapshot of each region's identity, reflected in the glossaries for each chapter: in the Midlands, many of the terms relate to mining and industry. In Cornwall, the local slang is more befitting of a quaint county: daughters are still referred to as "maids".
As this book is a companion piece to a Radio 4 programme, perhaps some parts of it will be better heard than read. The quotations of local speech can take some effort to figure out as the author tries to preserve the local accent by spelling it out. Aside from this minor quibble, this is a delightful read for those interested in linguistics, regional history and culture.
ambrosewong
Cult Fiction
The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart (Overlook Press)
"The Dice Man" is an explosive and provocative piece of literature which became a cult classic when it was published in 1971. The novel charts the experiences of Luke, a psychologist whose greatest experiment is on himself. What if everything you do, or even everything you are, was determined by the roll of a die?
His dedication to his experiment, coupled with his personal and professional ennui, lead the once-respected psychologist to leave his home and wife and drags him into a heady whirlwind of rape, sex and murder.
The book is mainly written as a confessional by Luke Rhinehart but its style jumps from passage to passage - as the dice dictates the only consistency being the dark humour layered onto eveiy page.
This humour, and the frequent sex scenes, serve to counterpoint the depth of a novel which challenges convention at every chance.
kevinperry
Any piece of classical literature is generally assumed as pedantic, archaic, and something that will take up a lot of your spare time. The 'Meditations' of the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius is far from all of these.
Marcus Aurelius (or you might know him as Richard Harris in Gladiator) ruled between 161AD to 180AD and arguably had the most stressful job in the world. He had lost both his parents when he was just a boy and all of his children (except the particularly evil Commodus). To cap it all off, he had to deal with German barbarians, severe famines, and a great plague in his lifetime.
The 'Meditations' are a collection of thoughts and beliefs derived from Stoicism, a philosophy school of thought. Though the book may be labeled as a 'philosophy' book, this is not strictly the case. There are strong religious themes as well which reflect some of the most basic tenets of Christianity such as loving your neighbor - perhaps the encroaching influence of the new religion on a pagan Rome?
The main themes which Marcus writes about often come to terms with the transience of life, the troubles that we all face,
LUKE RHINEHAR"!
EDITOR'S
PICK
*****
Beautifully written and adapted Mary Stuart performed to an appreciative crowd on the 14^ of November. Almost sold out on a Monday night, I believe the ticket sales themselves speak for the beauty of this play, and the professionalism of the cast.
Mary Stuart tells of the relationship between the two regent queens Elizabeth I (Harriet Walter) and Mary Queen of Scots (Janet McTeer).. The vicious struggle for power and dynamic interaction of the two queens is explored in this play.
Working with a skillfully balanced script, the two female leads had a great deal of support from a varied and powerful cast. Director Phyllida Lloyd was sufficiently possessive of the script, working out the dynamics and dramatics of the play well. Space was well utilized: the surprisingly sparse set playing up the human aspect of the production. The audiences emotions were deftly handled and manipulated by the various representations of pride, anger, doubt, sadness and fear. I particularly enjoyed the language used in the play, it wasn't overbearingly English, and neither was it too modernized, fittingly suiting for the play. The use of humour to dissipate the charged tensions so commonplace in the plot also worked for the production, giving the audience an emotional breather from the high-strung tension inherent in the subject matter at hand.
The play was orchestrated so well that even to the end of the 2h 45m play, the energy level was still as high and the air as charged. Dramatic representation and acting never saw as apt a script.
Too much time, space and energy has been devoted to musicals in the West End that a good dramatic play is hard to come by. Maiy Stuart seeks to change that, and change that it does.
22 November Part B 13
Shoot the Crow
arunimakapoor and naeemkapadia say 'top of the morning' to an excellent comedy
The Blue Man Group
arunimakapoor takes a weird and wonderful look at a cuttingly funky production
Where: Whitehall Theatre (tube: charing cross) When: Mori-Sat 7.45pm, Mats Thur and Sat 3pm Price: £20-£35, concs £ 17
•k * * *
C^ioot the Crow revolves around the lives of four Belfast tilers, each jaded with their job and all hoping for something better, something which they feel may be temporarily achieved by stealing a load of tiles and making a tidy sum from its proceeds. Their intentions to outwit each other lead to an insight into the innermost recesses of their lives and desperate attempt to make ends meet. This unites them in a strange camaraderie that involves violence, pathos and humour.
The use of vernacular peculiar to Belfast adds to the "authenticity" of the play and yet achieves a heightened style that includes the fictionalised and imaginative, both of which are important to McCafferty, who feels that "I am telling a story rather than just showing a way of life." He adds "the story is universal, regardless of language." The intimate nature of the Trafalgar Studios' open-concept set draws one in immediately; you cannot help but feel that you intrude upon the four actors as they bustle about, hurling obscenities and exchanging humorous repartee.
Robert Delamere opts for naturalistic directing; the central circular set of an unfinished bathroom cleverly swivels around to reveal two acting areas - the showers and the sinks -through which the characters move naturally and seamlessly, doing real construction work. The revolutions also indicate the passing of time that is crucial to understand the use of real time and stage time which is manipulated to represent the lifespan of a working man
James Nesbitt, arguably the most well-known of the four actors and mainstay in the 1TV drama Cold Feet, may not give as much philosophical weight as his character's name Socrates suggests though he does impress with emotional scenes that evoke pathos at the pathetic lives led by the downtrodden and exploited who work for a man they will probably never meet and yet who hold their future in his hands
Equally impressive are Conleth Hill and Jim Norton
as Petesy and Ding-Ding respectively. Hill's Petesy is domineering and glibly loud-mouthed but we sense a weakness and despair
at the inevitability of his situation at work despite his tough exterior. His poignant dialogue 'you shouldn't have to steal to get what you want', is an uncomfortable reality that has to be negotiated in a moral framework that challenges the audiences understanding of right and wrong. Norton has superb stage presence and even his simplest lines carry much weight and resonance, as the old man on his last day at work. Rounding up the cast is Packy Lee as the gauche youngster Randolph, the underdog amongst the four men and source of much comic relief, particularly in the events leading up to the hilarious climax.
Owen McCafferty has ingeniously used humour to entertain the audience, yet does not mask the darker undertones of their monotonous existence that threatens to slip into oblivion. We are implicated in our laughter as dispassionate observers who are entering their world yet cannot completely identify with their situation. McCafferty's intent was to present the stories of people whose lives otherwise go unrepresented. This is obvious as the play seems to end where it began, except for the death of Ding Ding, an event that bears no significance in the larger scheme of things. The wheel has come full
circle emphasizing the banal nature of their lives; despite all that has been said and done, nothing has really changed for them. This almost existential strain is present throughout as though actual work is accomplished by these characters a lot remains unfinished and there is the suggestion that no amount of effort will change that. The question that resonates is 'what have I achieved' and the answers evade them as their achievements are not quantifiable in terms of success as the world understands it. This is McCafferty's brilliance in mixing the mundane with the extraordinary, which is the reality of all our lives.
Blue Man Group
Where: New London Theatre (Nearest tube: Covent Garden)
When: Mon and Thurs-8pm, Fri-6 and 9 pm, Sun-3 pm Prices: £20 - £50
* * * *
A thrilling and interactive theatrical extravaganza, The Blue Man Group, originally staged in New York, which has been stunning audiences with its live music band and brilliant humour is now playing down Drury Lane! Right between High Holborn and Grosvenor House residence, this show is a must see. One of the most original and innovative pieces I have ever seen, it has the potential to stun, entertain, humour and educate all at the same time. This award-winning show reaches out to the audience to participate and engage with the three "blue men"
who's only visible features are their eyes that communicate every gesture and emotion spectacularly.
This process of communication has a flip side and that is the insistence on conformity that is part and parcel of interactive group behaviour. The men enact this conformity on stage as they usually do the same things and if anyone of them tries to be different he is met with incredulous glares. The use of water as a starting point is apt as it hints at how the three almost reflect each others actions. The live band, silhouettes and lights mesmerize the crowd into similar interactive conformism. The show is a scathing critique of capitalism that de-sensitises people, making them cogs in a powerful machine that wants to block out communication. The use of the internet, the supposed global interactive paradise, to exemplify this lack of interaction is deeply ironic. The show defines an internet cafe as a place where we never speak to the person next to us as we are
involved in interacting with a machine that connects us to absent others. The Blue men encourage audience participation through chanting, repetition of gestures and passing along great unravelling rolls of toilet paper that require the tactile sense.
The constant creation of various art forms on stage is coupled with the need to animate them so that they take on a life of their own, as life is the purpose art. The repeated enactment of industrial processes through the intake and regurgitation of food is remarkable. Consumption, over feeding, ejection and production are all articulated brilliantly and more comprehensively than words ever could. Watching the process unfold invokes humour that can be uncomfortable with the realisation that this laughter sanctions the conformist dehumanising mechanical life we are accustomed to lead. It touches upon globalisation, advertising, shrinking attention spans, growing curiosity, knowledge and
what it entails. The group portrays the contested nature of these processes that both involve, unite, bring into close contact and yet alienate people. The janus faced nature of technology is brilliantly portrayed. Its benefits apparent and yet problematic.
The world is shrinking but so is human emotion as the creation of a romance on stage with a girl from the audience, through flowers, food and a candle-lit dinner is followed by the vacuuming of the food and a fire extinguisher. Rock and roll was created to overcome the "dehumanising effects of modernisation" and is now itself modernised and mass produced. The Blue Man Group's attempt to make art out of industrial waste and the mundane is a cry for communication and an attempt to unite that which have always been as oppositional forces. Its attempt to unite people for one evening is successful and brilliant but most of all its hilarious and great fun!
14 Part B 22 November
Fashion
You Thieving Bastard...
As retail steals the limelight from haute couture... benlamy discovers that this season, cheap is chic
London Fashion Week was controversial this October for two reasons. The first reason was the substantial traces of cocaine that were discovered in the toilet areas of many of the shows after-parties. Nothing new you might think, but this LFVV also saw the emergence of the retail brand taking some sparkle from the likes of previous untouchables on the UK scene such as Giles Deacon and Julien Mcdonald. In fact it wasn't even the upper echelons of retail couture that was paraded on the rag-and-bone mannequins that make fashion so overwhelmingly the whim of the nouveaux riches. It was, in fact, Topshop that stole the show, with its universal approval rating now approaching near Biblical proportions from all spheres of society - quite literally from rags to riches - the sword of Damacles being held over the head of any other brand who might dare to whimper in complaint, and with pre-tax profits at the privately-held group Arcadia - Top Shop's parent company -rising to £252.79m, it really is hard to argue.
So what is the reason for this: are the poor getting richer? Are the rich getting poorer? Well, actually, no, it's much simpler than that - it has become cool to spend less. Remember C&A? No longer in this country after being considered the Skoda of the fashion industry, C&A relocated, preferring other more hospitable countries such as Russia and Poland and now boasts nearly 350 stores in Germany and 86 in France, where fashion is just as important as the state of the local cuisine.
The UK, on the other hand, has remained, as usual it seems, a couple of steps behind the rest when it comes to fashion, and was slow to adapt. Now, however, with the Topshop flagship store on Oxford Street overflowing more than a shaken bottle of Dom '96, it is also competing with a resurgent M&S, Hennes & Mauritz, and, of course, the new pretender in town - Primark.
I'll have to be honest, I had never heard of Primark until this year, but then again having never visited the visual delights of Hackney and Hammersmith, Peckham and Slough it's not surprising that I haven't stumbled across one of their 120 stores or met one of their 12,000 employees (at least'no one that has admitted to working there). Now I can't turn a page without hearing how Primark is like "Luton Airport's check-in on a bank holiday weekend," (The Times) and "The darling of the High Street" (EgyptElection.com). The reason for this is quite simple - Primark has just seen its operating profit move up 30% to £140 million amidst a seven month consecutive decline in the retail sector, according the British Retail consortium, more even than Philip Green's British Homes Stores.
What you may not know, however, is that Primark is a subsidiary company of Associated British Foods who have recently spent over £600 million purchasing the Littlewoods chain and property from the now bankrupt Allders chain. According to the figures, once Primark has consolidated all this extra space it will be one third the size of M&S,
a phenomenal achievement for a company that was created the year of the moon landing (1969), in Ireland under the name Penneys and only opened its first UK store in Derby in 1974, under the name Primark to prevent legal issues with JC Penney. Ironically, in 2000, Primark acquired 6 C&A stores and has not looked back since.
However, it has not always been easy-going for the hyper-discount chain that sells jeans for £4 a pair; earlier this month there was a huge fire at its warehouse that burned half of its stock and caused many homeless people to slide into depression, their last grasp at trying to pass off as an indie rock band cruelly snatched away - and there is always the risk that next year consumers will get tired of dirty changing rooms, sweaty employees with a musky BO. and cutting out the Primark label the minute they are out of the store whilst using the Paul Smith bag that they keep for just such occasions. Also, in both March and April, Primark was sued by H&M and Monsoon (owners of Accessorize) for copying designs: in both cases there was an out of court settlement.
The law in the UK is that there is a copyright for unregistered designs that lasts for up to 15 years - enough time for it to come back into fashion - although in the EU version it is only up to 3 years. Still, this leads to the inevitable question of whether, ultimately, these discount stores are just more sophisticated versions of the 'Von Dutch' piracy that was rampant last year. 'Going Dutch', so to speak, was a huge trend worldwide, and is perhaps a good example of what we may see happen to the iiber-discount stores in the new year, as eventually people, girls in particular, will tire of being seen out in virtually the same, Taiwanese made, outfit, where the only difference is the red stitching where a worker got whipped one time too many and bled over the offending item in question.
Making fashion more accessible, it is true, allows for greater individuality, but there is something uneasy about seeing a 40 year old, single mother of three, from Clydebank (another Primark location) wearing the same outfit as a multi-millionaire Russian tennis player, or wife of an oil magnate. The social hierarchy is what makes life interesting, with our desire to increase capital an effort to separate us out from the average John Smith in the pub. We are reassured by seeing investment bankers in pinstripe (not always the suit kind) with the Gieves and Hawkes umbrella and a bowler hat if they're pretentious (or fashionable - the two go hand in hand), but would be unsettled by seeing an ASBOed yob in Armani Prive.
This latest trend has shaken up the world of haute couture, in that designers are becoming more interested in the profits to be made from appealing to the aspirations of the average consumer in an Easyjet fashion: think of Karl Lagerfield and Stella McCartney who have both designed a range of ready-to-wear outfits for H&M. This could mean that the quality of top-designers will be reduced as the new Galliano's
Stella McCartney's H&M line is cheap and chic
fresh out of Central St. Martin's or the London College of Fashion may be in short-supply, or rather that it would be just as prestigious to be selected for the Next catalogue as it would be for the Prada Summer Collection. Ultimately, it may come down to a choice between money and integrity for the designers, as luxury brands depend on the exclusivity of its designs to charge such high prices and many fashion houses (with the exception of the LVMH juggernaut) are unable to compete against the billionaire retail companies with an essentially blank chequebook.
So who will win in a choice between money and fashion integrity? Just ask Chelski.
Music
T?	oo op while mum's gone to iceland danielbenedictyates takes us back
Xvt •! ClCcloC to the future with mums re-release of a truly classic album
Mum
Yesterday was Dramatic, Today is OK
My mum went to Iceland (the shop) and returned home with seven inedible frozen pizzas for the price of one. Perhaps even more distastefully Blur went to Iceland (the country) and came back with the eponymous album Blur. Mum, on the other hand, came from Iceland (the country not the shop) and brought us something really rather succulent.
Previously released in 1999 on Thule/TMT, Yesterday Was Dramatic, Today is Ok barely made it out of their native Iceland. Whilst fellow countrymen Sigur Ros were making a moderate leftfield splash, and the faux-simpleton genius of Bjork continued to exert a monolithic global presence, Mum (pronounced 'Moom') seemed to be an export destined to be left on the shelf. However 2002's Finally We Are No-One, a superb exercise in synth-laden chamberpop (and, as neo-Norse mythology has it, conceived in a lighthouse) brought them to the attention of the world's indie music media. Since then they have been enjoying a respectable profile and in 2003 the alt-pop specialists over at Berlin's Morr Music label saw fit to take the band under their auspices, wherefrom this deserved re-release hails.
Mum are genteel. They descend upon our ears like an extremely demure Viking horde, a horde far more likely to be taking an audio tour of the cathedral and holding hands in the cloisters than taking the gold finery and raping the monks. Harmonic rumbles give way to gently twinkling synths and delicate staccato
beatwork. Their lowing instrumental ditties, -always temperate, ever subdued - electronically summon a rural Scandinavia, enchanting and beguiling this more southern ear brought up on Svankmajer-esque images of forests, icy rock formations and pointy-faced liberals in wooden huts. Breathy and crystalline vocals hang over measured breaks and mournful synth basslines. Slowly winding undercurrents of synth are Specked with sparse percussion whilst a smattering of found samples, childish gurgles and submerged drill noises float into the liminal sound space then recede in mists of reverb. Slow and precise, concentrated and spare, imagine the Boards of Canada stripped of their sureness and all traces of bombast, chastised for lavish layering and confined to a 4-track. Rustic and plain without ever touching primitivism, one is, in one's most fancifully pretentious moments, tempted into believing this to be the sound of a distant and mythical civilisation, quietly recording itself.
The kind of sex you would have to this music is close and contemplative. Note, there may be a danger of your mind wandering off into introspective thought, but undoubtedly it will be something more whimsical of subject matter than a shopping list, the laundry or Brad Pitt. You may well catch yourself wondering what it might be like to gently fuck an elf under a rock.
The kind of drugs you would take to this music are therapeutic and medicinal in nature. Like the team member with the medical training on an arctic expedition, Mum inexpertly but carefully administer a dressing to the aural holes and tenderly prescribe a dose of muted spherical pill-music to be taken twice annually on autumnal benches with an old friend.
tion of bands and continually varied music, but the overarching philosophy seems to be one of classic pop influences combined with a DIY aesthetic and lo-fi sounds.
'I guess we were making lo-fi records back then, but we always thought of them as hi-fi records' Rob Schneier.
Perhaps the most musically intriguing of the Elephant 6 band are OTC, over the course of their two albums they stretched the boundaries of the classic pop song without ever losing site of ultimate end; beauty. Too many brilliant pop songs are left by the wayside in the search for new and inventive sounds, where OTC excel is a seamless combination of both, giving us music that was always interesting and always catchy. A feeling of warmth always radiates from the 4-track production of their albums, the same fuzzy feeling Brian Wilson excelled at comes naturally to OTC. Robert always handled most of the production duties for Elephant 6 releases (from his tellingly named Pet Sounds Studio), the sheer density of sound that characterise his work with OTC are
		
		
reminiscent of Phil Spector's 'Wall Of Sound', with horns, xylophones, singing saws, keyboards, guitar, and thermin all bleeding into each other to form an overwhelming cacophony of sheer melodic brilliance. AIS represent as similar aesthetic to OTC, but with more reverence for classic pop and less of an experimental flair.
The challenging nature and complexity of OTCs music should never be overlooked, although the band wrote one of the finest pop songs of the '90s with 'Jumping Fences' they were also responsible for the ten suite ode to tap manipulation that is 'Green Typewriters'. The concept of their second album Black Foliage: Animation Music Volume One alone is enough to make your head spin. The central theme was a section of the bass guitar riff from 'Black Foliage (Itself)' was sampled and twisted into many variations and combined with hunks of sound from the bands everyday lives. Parts of one variation would be used in others creating what the band called 'edits within edits within edits'. As the other songs took shape they too would be sampled creating ambient interludes
formed from the songs themselves, the whole effect is stunning, as the liner notes put it:
'...the music pulses with the rhythm of modern life, at times things seem quite, at other multiple sounds merge, let your environment in...'
If OTC had the flair for experimentation, and AIS the unadulterated pop sensibilities and production acumen', then NMH were the dark emotional-heart. In the Aeroplane Over The Sea is not just the best record to birthed from Elephant 6, but a classic album in its own right that could stand up to all the greats. The album was largely influenced by Anne Frank and takes her experience and wraps it up in dark meditations on childhood sexuality, surrealistic imagery, and a sort of damaged folk music for the 21st century. What amazes me most about this record is the emotional honesty of Jeffs lyrics, he embraces and elucidates upon his every feeling and thought where most would restrain themselves in fear of ridicule. As he said himself in an interview with Pitchfork Media: 'When I tried to grasp at either what I love or what I hate, I destroyed the very ability of
being able to really penetrate the essence of either. By trying to understand it, I would just crush it. But when I let go and let it be what it was, it would turn into light to show me that both sides come from the same source'
For Jeff emotions aren't to be analysed, discussed, or criticized but to be felt, revelled in, and celebrated, for they are what makes us human, and if we question them we jeopardize are very humanity, and it is this feeling that his music conveys so wonderfully.
There are of course many more Elephant 6 bands I haven't mentioned, and even more things to say about the ones I have, but over analysis is the death of emotion, from which this music flows. So for now it is enough that this music exists and that we can listen to it, nothing more need be said, except perhaps this:
'And one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the Aeroplane over the sea / But for now we are young let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see'
Don't dwell on this music just embrace it for its beauty as you would life.
Elephant 6
22 November Part B 15
w
V T hen you were young...'
And so begins 'King of Carrot Flowers pt.l' a song that beautifully charts the descent of a marriage into domestic violence and thoughts of suicide while the children embark upon a relationship based upon youthful inexperience. The older generations lives are buckling under the weight of responsibility as hatred caused by a million thwarted dreams explodes while the young are awakening to a world of wonder and unmitigated pleasure.
'And your mum would stick a fork right into daddies shoulder / And dad would throw the garbage all across the floor / As we would lay and learn what each others bodies were for'
This is the first song on Neutral Milk Hotel's (NMH) seminal second album In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, a complex album strewn with the emotional debris that accompanies modern life. NMH are just one of a trio of bands that form the core of the legendary Elephant 6 Collective, the others being The Apples In Stereo (AIS) and The Olivia Tremor Control (OTC). Their presence on the music scene has been noticeably absent in the past few years, but with the reformation of Olivia Tremor Control and the re-release of In The Aeroplane... this year I think its time we remembered and celebrated their musical legacy.
The genesis of Elephant 6 is the four childhood friends Jeff Magnum, Robert Schneider, Will Cullen Hart and Bill Doss. They grew up in Ruston, Louisiana and played in various bands spurred on by their love of The Beatles and The Velvet Underground. Things got serious when Schneider moved to Denver, Colarado to attend university. On the bus he met Jim Mclntyre and found they shared an unusual love for The Beach Boys in a time dominated by grunge. Together with Mclntyre's roommate Hilarie Sidney and Chris Parfit they formed The Apples In Stereo. In '93 The Apples In Stereo released their first single on their own label and thus The Elephant 6 recording company was born. Parallel to the formation of AIS Bill, Will, and Jeff got together in the band that was soon to become OTC. Their first release as OTC California "Demise marked Elephant 6s second release and Jeffs departure from OTC to form Neutral Milk Hotel, and thus the legendary trio was formed. What Elephant 6 stands for and what it comprises of is impossible to pin down with its nebulous collec-
Collective
to the circus with an introduction to the
Elephant 6
samashton packs his trunk and says goodbye elephant 6 collective
16 Part B 22 November
Set by Lepidopterus
Down
1. Soviet composer (12)
3.	Dutch royal house (6)
4.	Himalayan peak (7)
5.	Tall monument (7)
6.	Solidifying (7)
7.	Copying (12)
12.	Ice-cream cake (7)
13.	Neaten (7)
14.	Joy naturalist and writer of Born Free (7)
Across	16.	View (5)	15. Deaden (6)
2. Pads (9)	17.	Japanese military officer	
8. Later years (3,3)	(7)		Can you compile cross-
9. Of the mind (6)	18.	Celibate (6)	words? Would you like to get
10. Languages (7)	19.	Hunting expedition (6)	your name in The Beaver?
11. Sweet topping (5)	20.	Compere (9)	If so, email:
13. Meat slice (5)			thebeaver. editor@lse. ac. uk
		«\	\	s\	x	
	\11 14\					
\3			\8 3 \			
\\		\3 20\			\1 8 \	
\^9				\3 3\		
\17			\8 l\			
	\13					
Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1 to 9, and never use a number more than once per run.
		2	4				3	
					8	6		
	6				9			7
2		7	6				4	
	5	4	7	9	2	1	6	
	1				3	7		2
4			2				1	
		6	9					
	2				6	8		
Auntie Shaw Answers
kev-
K\>

Dear Auntie Shaw,
I have trouble writing full answers to questions.
Me.
Dear me, or rather you,
We all have days when it's hard to pip that 1500 word limit. Fortunately, there is an answer. It's called double spacing. A simple Format change of your text will leave your work looking full bodied and rounded. If that doesn't work, try referencing articles from very long sounding journals such as (West, A. & Pennell, H. (2005) Market-oriented reforms and 'high stakes' testing: Incentives and consequences, in A. Vinokur (ed) Pouvoirs et mesure en education, Cahiers de la recherche sur l'education et les savoirs, hors-serie no l, 181-199) In one stroke you'll find an injection of fifty words or more into your Word Count. If you're still having difficulty, try submitting your essay in the form of an elegant Haiku.
Or you could always switch to Accounting and Finance.
Ever Your Auntie XXX
Dear Auntie Shaw,
Where do all the bridges go in LSE? What are they for? I keep seeing people on them, yet they never seem to go anywhere. I feel I'm getting left behind! All my other friends are in city jobs and I'm still doing an Anthropology masters. I bet they knew what the bridge over the Plaza was supposed to do.
Frustrated landlubber
Dear landlubber,
The Bridges between the buildings at LSE are designed to make the University look impressive in the University Prospectus They're about as useful as a jam sandwhich to a drowning rabbit. Exactly.
Ever your Auntie XXX
Dear Auntie Shaw,
Several weeks after spiraling around our library staircase, my legs have become unevenly distributed in height - my girlfriend has left me for someone straight. I'm thinking about taking this to court, do I have a case?
Single and unevenly distributed
Dear Sir Limpsalot
I'm convinced our architects (Fosters and Partners) specifically designed those stairs with this result in mind. It would explain why many of those ever so hip 'rappas' are walking with a distinctive limp - they're all just sufferers of Lionelrobinstis. I'll present you with two options:
a)	I'm afraid this disease is spreading, and will continue to spread - If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Walk the new walk baby!
b)	There's always the option of taking the lift to the 4th floor and walking down the stairs next term. Eventuallly, you'll even out - this however, will result in you being considerably shorter in the long run.
Mwah!
Dear Auntie Shaw,
It's getting ever so cold now.. I find myself retreating to the warmth of the Shaw library, curling up on a sofa, and napping. This has now become routine and is occurring during my lectures as well - How can I stop this from happe.. Zzzzz...
Zzzzz....
Dear daydreamer,
I often find an extremely uncomfortable thong combined with large quantities of caffeine does the trick. I must warn you though, if you choose to take this advise, you may start looking like a cocaine fuelled trapeze artist with an itchy arse -you will lose any friends that have... unless of course, you are an accounting and finance student - in which case, I cannot help you.
Your auntie
Dear Auntie Shaw,
Why is Arthur Krebbers EVERYWHERE?
Threatened Hack
Dear Hack
Unfortunately there are some questions even Auntie can't answer.
Kiss Kiss
Dear Auntie Shaw,
Sometimes, when I fall asleep, I think about my class teachers having sex. Well, most times, actually, and I get really mad for some reason and wake up gnawing my pillow and trying to dig a hole through my radiator. WTiat advice can you give me?
Bleeding Fingered Student.
Dear sexually deprived postgrad,
It's perfectly healthy and normal for adults to have fantasies when they sleep. However, you seem to be finding an inappropriate outlet for your carnal desires. Auntie recommends cold showers, strenuous exercise and masturbation
Ever your Auntie
Dear Auntie Shaw
I'm a fresher and so far, I am completely unimpressed with the sociability on campus and halls. It is week 8, and I have not yet met anyone capable of conversing without citing and referencing quotations. How can I meet normal people?
Dear lonely fresher
The LSE can make you feel as unwelcome as a fart in a telephone box. Societies is probably the way forward - find one that you like, or start your own. I hear the social policy bunch are wild! Of course there is always the ever so incestuous AU. If you you enjoy binge drinking, chauvanism and homophobia, then get on down to the Walkabout. By the end of term, you will have transformed into a beautiful social butterfly!
Ever your aunty, xoxo
Think big, act bigger
ver I Blink: Politics
22 November 2005
discusses the need for increasing the impetus to resolve climate change
Ideas of fire and brimstone seem to hold sway over many of those who discuss environmental degradation and climate change. The human race is well-advanced along the path towards self-destruction, the argument goes, and it is already too late to do anything about the results of our carbon profligate lifestyles. The evidence points to dire consequences, and unless we take immediate action such language undermines attempts to raise awareness and inspire action on this most vital issue.
Those who care about the environment must take a position of optimism and talk about what individuals, organisations and countries can do now - starting with the smallest steps.
Numerous observers suggest that individual action is useless, or at least desperately insufficient. Cynics will always declare that you can not save the world by turning off a light; 'what difference can I make on my own?' It is, in fact, the case that palpable changes are only possible if a real modulation in thinking - a paradigm shift - occurs at the personal level.
Using less energy is the first, small step. From simply turning off laptop computers, lights and electrical equipment when you leave the room to using energy-efficient light bulbs. Walking and cycling are infinitely better than using public transport, which itself is infinitely more beneficial than travelling by car. People can fly less or only when it is absolutely necessary. Eating locally-produced food with fewer 'food miles' is also very helpful. In fact, there are so many small ways in which people can make a difference that the most important thing is the thinking behind it. If people begin to start consci-
entiously considering how they can reduce their impact of the environment, then the first part of the struggle is over - big thoughts lead to bigger actions.
Institutions, including LSE, have a huge part to play in reducing the impact of climate change. LSE has appointed a §ustainability Officer and more can be done. Recycling needs to be increased. We should follow Oxford's example and switch to 100 percent renewable energy. Most pressing is energy conservation and energy efficiency improvements. LSE's energy bill increased over 70 percent last year. Essentially, LSE could save money and pass on savings to students whilst simultaneously becoming a world leader in sus-tainability.
Furthermore, states have the means to affect the most sustainable changes. Governments can regulate the destructive activities of individuals and corporations, divert resources to environmen-tally-beneficial research, and invest in sustainable transport, energy efficiency and renewable energy on a massive scale.
Internationally, governments should form binding agreements on environmental restrictions and reducing carbon emissions. The Kyoto Protocol was the first tentative step in this process but, while it should be recognised as a good starting point by environmentally-conscious people, it does not even come close to fulfilling the requirements to avoid extremely damaging climatic fallout.
The Contraction and Convergence Model put forward by the Global Commons Institute, on the other hand, is superior and has gained widespread support from parties (Lib Dems and Greens), scientists and public fig-
ures (from Kofi Annan to Tony Blair).
It involves contracting carbon emissions, with all nations given the same carbon emitting allowance, and 'carbon credits' being traded between nations. As poorer states pollute less, they can sell their credits to richer nations, thus speeding up the process of convergence. The number of carbon credits allocated would be reduced each year to reach contraction targets. Such a system would be equitable, at the same time as being a realistic mechanism for combating climate change.
It points to the central but often overlooked point that care for the environment is inextricably linked with ideas of human rights, equality, social justice and peace. The poor are hit worst by the negative effects of environmental destruction, even though the richest are the biggest culprits. Similarly, environmental degradation, from soil erosion to rising sea levels, threatens to create millions of environmental refugees and cause serious conflicts and possible wars over resource shortages. In Contraction and Convergence, however, there is a progressive proposition that can provide us with the solution to our carbon-related woes. Hope should thrive and be directed at implementing this system.
There must be hope among those who want to make a difference. After all, if those who care the most become embittered and resigned to the impending catastrophe, the green movement can never encourage people to take on the cause. Climate change is the biggest threat facing civilisation at this moment, but all is not lost. At least not yet.
Stopping Esso?
Former Esso employee	discusses the company's
views on climate change
Upon visiting the Stop Esso Campaign website, one can see that environmental groups have again decided to target a powerful organization. The Esso's 'number one climate criminal' label is a serious accusation and coming from a group like Greepeace, it is something to pay attention to.
I worked for Esso's Global Aviation HQ for one year. Walking around their offices I didn't notice anything unusual. No one looked like criminals. The office building was actually very 'green.'
However, it wasn't long after I arrived that I learnt how to behave and think the 'Esso Way.' I attended their seminars (only directed at Esso employees) and learnt how they are working towards a 'greener world.' But what was resoundingly clear is that Esso is getting it all wrong.
With a strong conviction, they affirm that climate change is not
caused by burning of fossil fuel, all supported by colourful graphics and quoting Esso funded scientists. They also believe that petrol reserves are not ending and its worthwhile investing more in technology to drill oil from deeper layers in the ground instead of investing in renewable energy.
The 2004 Esso report on energy trends, greenhouse gas emissions and alternative energy states that 'in our view, current renewable technologies do not offer near-term promise for profitable investment relative to attractive in our core business.'
Esso is the world's biggest corporation and the biggest profit making machine in the US. It's more powerful than most of the world's poorest countries put together. And all of this at the expense of the environment and with our support.
Esso's profits amounted to $24 billion in 2004. They did not spend a single dollar on clean
energy. It continues to expand its petrol operations, including expansion into the previously untouched fields of ice-melting Arctic. This is in strong contrast to the $100 million by BP and $1 billion by Shell invested into clean energy. While it's hard to grasp the idea of an ethical petrol company, Esso is certainly the worst of the bunch.
Change is still possible for our climate. Change can come from within these corporations. Implementing change within Esso requires a drastic transformation of the anti-environmen-talist corporate culture deeply ingrained within the Esso mindset. Nevertheless, its last corporate annual meeting saw a 28 percent shareholder rebellion to hold the company accountable on its Kyoto and climate change stance.
Esso's contribution to exacerbating climate change is undeniable and it's a reality that needs to be tackled urgently.
WOTS*?!
Building bridges
Blink Correspondent Joshua Hergesheimer reflects on Balkan attempts to move on from the past
Today marks 10 years since the Dayton peace accords ended the conflict in Bosnia-Hercegovina. While the international	community
breathed a sigh of relief, there was little cause for celebration in Bosnia itself. The bloody conflict in Europe's backyard saw cities, towns, villages, even families torn apart by the twisted dreams of ethnic nationalists.
The war gave us names: Saravejo, Banja Luka-, Mostar, Srebenica. It gave us images: scenes of starving men behind barbed wire fences resembled Nazi concentration camps. It brought the issue of extreme nationalism and genocide back from the graveyard of ideologies that Europe thought it had buried. The ghosts had returned to haunt the Balkans.
The conflict in Bosnia was so devastating because it was a war fought for the realisation of fanatical ideals. The issues were not land, resources or representative government, but who had the power to call an area their own. Dreams of creating homelands for "pure nations" drove ethnic nationalists to launch an all-out offensive - not just against people, but against Bosnia itself.
The fog of war lifted to reveal startling demographic alterations. With chilling precision and ruthlessness, multiethnic
areas had been purged of their diversity. Adding insult to injury, the Dayton peace accords supported the partition of the country into two entities, the Republika Srpska and the Muslim-Croat federation. Had the world simply stood by and watched as Bosnia was consumed by violence, it would have been tragic. But by approving a plan that sanctioned the partition of the country, the international community rewarded the violent
'The conflict in Bosnia was so devastating because it was a war
fought for the realisa-tion of fanatical ideals'
deportations and ethnic cleansing the nationalists employed to achieve their goals. In this sense the drafters of the peace accords failed to see beyond the trap set for them, and were unable to find a solution that did not involve subordinating the interests of Bosnians to the interests of ethnic nationalists.
This is the crux of the issue: the war in Bosnia was not the
result of crazed villagers attacking their neighbours. On the contrary, the violence in Bosnia was the product of a twisted but logical necessity. The ethnic nationalists needed to make Bosnia seem incapable of coexistence. It is for this reason - not out of hatreds run rampant - that the multicultural cities and towns had to be destroyed. Left standing, they were a living testament to the very diversity that nationalists claimed was impossible. Urban centres where people had mixed freely for generations were proof of the absurdity of the idea that 'our people' and 'their people' can't live together. As one man put it, "the war had to be so bloody because we did not hate each other."
The scenes of the most brutal and bloody conflict were precisely those places that exemplified multiculturalism. Every place where people were likely to encounter difference - houses of worship, cultural centres, art galleries, restaurants and marketplaces - had to be destroyed if the claims of the ethnic nationalists were to be upheld.
The war did not only target the living. Driving out Bosnian Muslims might create space for Serbs or Croats, but evidence of the Muslim presence remained. Removing the people was only the first in a series of steps aimed at
erasing all traces of anything contrary to the nationalist cause. It is for this reason that cultural and religious monuments were deliberately targeted. Museums, marketplaces and mosques were shelled, as if by reducing them to rubble all traces of difference would be banished from history.
Separating communities also required destroying the things that connected them. The shelling of Stari Most, the Ottoman bridge in Mostar, was symbolic of the extent to which the nationalists were willing to go to divide the society. Any bridges - material or cultural - between communities were feared, as they contradicted the idea that these cultures were incompatible and hostile.
Therefore, rather than see the war as the inevitable uprising of ancient hatreds, it might be instructive to view the war as an elite fantasy of ethnic purity violently imposed on the reality of diversity. By attacking mixed areas - places that refuted the nationalist vision through their pluralism - ethnic nationalists aimed to bring about the world they desired, even if it meant destroying the world as it actually was, for a dream world that had never existed.
The
seductive power of ethnic nationalism
Until relatively recently, history was the story of imperial rule, a succession of powers controlling large swaths of territory and diverse populations. The rise of nationalism as a global ideology came about in large part through the decline and break-up of empires. The right of all people to self-determination has become so pervasive that many believe that the only 'authentic' form of governance is now self-governance.
However, the question of how to define 'the people' is less straightforward. Issues like allegiance to certain values, a shared sense of religion, cultural tradition or lineage are all possibilities. Ethnic nationalists are those who claim that the ethnic community is the only legitimate basis for state formation. Since membership in the nation is hereditary, not voluntary, ethnic nationalism is, at its core, an inherently exclusive ideology.
The violence in Yugoslavia was due in large part to ethnic nationalism. The ethnic cleansing and large-scale massacres in places like Srebinica were the tragic but inevitable result of implementing policies in which only 'our people' have the right to exist in 'our land.' Given the seeming impossibility of carving out ethnically pure states from a multicultural Bosnia, the demographics could only be reconfigured through the barrel of a gun and the mass slaughter of 'outsiders.'
Having sketched out a vision of ethnic nationalism as an exclusionary and violent phenomenon, it can seem somewhat of a mystery why any rational person would subscribe to it. But herein lies its power. Ethnic nationalism circumvents the rational, tapping straight into the visceral. In doing so it goes straight to the core of humanity.
Ethnic nationalism seduces people by appealing to their basic need to feel a sense of belonging. It claims that when times get tough, we can always count on 'our people' for support, to help or protect us. It convinces us that we can only feel safe and secure in a close-knit community of our own people. In this way it plays to our hopes, claiming that our homeland will be the best it can be once we live in harmony with 'our people,' and not otherwise. In other words, ethnic nationalism claims to provide the best opportunities for individual and group fulfillment while addressing our deepest fears, claiming to be the only true path to security. Few other political platforms can promise all this.
Joshua Hergesheimer
14_22 November 2005_iBeaver I Blink: Politics
iBeaver I Blink: Politics
22 November 2005
15
Why international courts
need teeth
Arthur Krebbers discusses the drawbacks of international law
Question for a historical mastermind: which ex-dictator claimed the dur-_ s trial, "Accusations levelled against me are an unscrupulous lie and also a tireless distortion of history. Everything has been presented in a lopsided manner in order to protect those who are truly responsible. ... This whole tribunal is politically motivated" - just after sacking his appointed lawyers?
With the media blitz around the proceedings of the various trials in Iraq - the most high profile one being that of Saddam Hussein - one would almost be led to overlook another notorious international villain who is still in the courtroom. The suspect's name is Slobodan Milosevic. His charge? Anything but trivial. Amongst others, he is being accused of: genocide, crimes against humanity, grave breaches of the Geneva Conventions and violations of the laws or customs of war (whatever they may be).
Milosevic' long awaited, and even longer lasting, trial is one in a series of past generals and politicians from the former Yugoslavia. What's more, his indictment is one of the first of its kind, ever since proper institutions were erected for international justice, most notably the Rome Statue for the creation of the Criminal Court in 2001. The outcome of Milosevic's prosecution could well determine the shape of international justice.
This additional fact makes the lingering procedures of the trial even more worrying. For many outsiders, it seems the Criminal Tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia, who are charging him, are getting nowhere. While many relatives of victims of the Srebrenica genocide continue to suffer, Milosevic still rests calmly in The Hague, incessantly plotting to try and grind his trial to a halt. Refusing any form of legal defence, pointing to his fragile health and, whenever he can, playing the paranoiac card by accusing his prosecutors, judge and even the United Nations as a whole of having designed a grand conspiracy against him.
The faint glimpse of any improvement in the trial triggers an avalanche of journalists from every corner of the globe to swamp The Hague. However, many of the locals here regard the legal proceedings with a mixture of satire and scepticism. I live just
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outside the city, and my international friends who visit this place rarely miss the chance to pop into the court and check out the proceedings. For them, the whole endeavour is more closely associated with a full time circus (clowns included) than a serious globally-relevant juridicial proceeding. February 11 2006 will see the trial's fourth 'birthday', yet I doubt whether anyone will be popping a champagne bottle.
'Milosevic's trial is more closely associated with a full time circus
than a serious
globally-relevant
process
During all of this legal razzmatazz, them amused third-person observer clearly is the United States. Whilst a great many of the senior officials of the incumbent federal administration still envision and live by a 'nation-state' world, sauntering court trials such as these will push them even further from any internationalist sense. Imagine
the scenario of Milosevic dying, or his physical and mental condition deteriorating to such a state that he is unable to be interrogated in court. That very happening, getting more likely by the day, would be a severe slap in the face of international law. It would set a seriously bad precedent for the prosecution of all the other global rogues, many still roaming around freely.
With momentum slowing for international tribunals, increasing numbers of 'doubting' governments will feel less inclined to cooperate to the upholding of international law - financially and politically - as well as sending over their own baddies.
But the strike has not hit us yet. The international community is still very capable of dodging. The key to doing so is relatively simple: finding the correct balance between fairness and efficiency. Don't get me wrong, increasing the latter's scope is no excuse for diminishing the fundamental importance of the first. Pragmatism should not override the principles underlying contemporary legal mechanisms.
It may even seem at first that a criterion such as 'efficiency' is inherently alien to this delicate formula for international justice. Nevertheless, this initial view proof is very much deceptive. A large number of trials throughout the world take into account the value of pursuing effectiveness
through efficiency - this becomes clear through reading their respective statutes. Even the Rome Statute (1998), the juristic platform for the ICC and hence the basis (hopefully) of many more international trials, has been seasoned with a total of five helpings of the 'E-word'.
There's a myriad of practical measures that can be undertaken to professionalise the various legal processes surrounding a highly complex trial such as that of Milosevic. A lot can be said for investing in a holistic approach -streamlining the court procedures so as to save as much valuable time as possible. Cost- and time-efficiency can be realised partly by making more and better use of modern technology, especially when it comes to the presentation of proof material and the appearance of international witnesses, and partly by focusing more on the preparatory stages of the trial, so as to avoid last minute cancellations and alterations of the schedule due to unforeseeable circumstances (which, admittedly, there will always be: we live in an unpredictable world).
Doing so requires no additional clauses to be added to the -already fairly. Byzantine - rules and regulations that constitute the Rome Statute. Instead, it demands more initiative to be taken by the highest ranking players within the ICC. The court
Presidency, according to the statute, should consider the "the efficient management of the Court's workload." In addition, the main prosecutor has the authority to request the Pre-Trial chamber to undertake "such measures as may be necessary to ensure the efficiency and integrity of the proceedings." What is more, even national governments and signatories to the court can team up and ensure their funds are being well spent. The assembly of State Parties is able to create "such subsidiary bodies as may be necessary, including an independent oversight mechanism for inspection, evaluation and investigation of the Court, in order to enhance its efficiency."
The ICTY, charging Milosevic and many of his culprits, also have room for manoeuvre. Their foundations in the Security Council resolution 827 give them the right and means to 'take effective measures to bring to justice the persons who are responsible for them' (international crimes).
It is high time for the key groups involved with the trial -both on the legal, political and organisational side - to inspect the lags underlying the lingering status quo of international trials. Otherwise, Milosevic' funeral may predate his sentence, and with that quite possibly the quiet death of international justice.
16
22 November 2005
iBeaver I Blink: Politics
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, a self-described 'media groupie', argues that SU politics matter
UGM. F&S. C&S. Clem Broumley-Young. Student politics at the LSE are often described as irrelevant, self-important, boring and downright incomprehensible. Yet, for a core group of individuals, "there is no world outside the SU," or if indeed there is, they'd "rather not be reminded of it." What makes these people, these hacks, tick? Are all hacks alike? Does any one care?
According to one source, who pleaded anonymity for fear of "getting sued by the Finance Society for not talking about them," hacks are primarily motivated by three things: doing good, shameless careerism and not having any friends.
The 'doing good' aspect of hackery at the LSE is sadly underrepresented. Although Joel Kenrick does a fair job of being an ethical thorn in the side of people who fail to offset their carbon emissions, there is a strong perception that our Union is rife with "self-aggrandising, egotistical busy-bodies who need
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to fulfil their self worth by getting the approval of others through the ballot box." Ouch.
Tellingly, even members of the SU Executive agree. Farhan Islam, the SU International Students Officer, maintains that the term 'hack' has negative, "conniving connotation." "I don't like being called a hack. It implies that everything you do is for your own selfish, political ends. I don't even use the term much, because it suggests compromising your values."
Shameless self-promotion, constant infighting and manoeuvring for society endorsements have come to dominate student, and Students' Union, politics. How many friends one has on thefacebook - "a great tool for getting votes" - has come to be viewed as a substitute for integrity, principles or actually caring about fulfilling the duties of one's elected position.
If this is the sorry state of SU politics, should anyone care? Absolutely.
Too often, LSE students
affirm that they don't vote in SU elections because they don't matter. The popular refrain - "What's the point? I'm not benefiting in any way from these elections" -reflects a profound ignorance of
'If you fail to get involved. If you continue to insist that neither your vote nor your voice matters, then you forfeit your right to complain'
the wider operations of the SU. Any one who has ever had a drink in the Tuns or bought a discounted newspaper from the SU shop is benefiting from the services provide by the Union. Neither PuLSEfm, The Beaver, The Script nor even the AU would exist without the Students' Union.
If our elected Union officers are fundamentally rubbish, our
Union services will suffer.
It is true that Union politics are dominated by a clique of political hacks and media groupies. This situation has to change. The UGM is supposed to be the means by which officers of the Union are held to account. It is also a forum for debate, the exchange of ideas and simply getting your voice heard. In theory, it is at the heart of Union democracy. In practice, as Simon Douglas, a member of C&S, noted, "democracy doesn't work below a certain level." The UGM needs more first-years, more international students, more women - simply put, the UGM needs fewer hacks and more students before it can claim to be even remotely representative of LSE students.
•There are many ways to get involved in the SU that do not require the full-fledged hackery that is counting votes in the Quad until 4.30 in the morning. Active participation in societies, becoming a member of the AU, reviewing films for The Beaver, DJing on PuLSEfm - the Union is more
than just politics. Politics are important, but they are not the heart and soul of the LSE SU. Students are - the students who sit in the cold on Houghton Street flogging society events or set up stalls in the Quad to raise awareness of different causes. Students and politics coexist and are complementary.
Political hacks are not a force for change and media groupies cannot initiate change without more support from students. Widening participation means that the few and the unbearably proud will no longer dominate therein - an abrupt, and necessary, reversal of the status quo.
If you yet fail to get involved. If you continue to insist that neither your vote nor your voice matters, then you forfeit your right to complain when your society budget is cut or the price of Carling in the Tuns rises or the library continues its policy of limited weekend opening hours. The SU does not need Arthur Krebbers or Jimmy Tam. The SU needs you.
Most notorious hack:
Krebbers/Tam (tied)
Most unsuccessful hack:
Ali Dewji
Biggest hack of all time:
Dave Cole ('the founding father')
Beaver I Blink: Politics
22 November 2005
^ Careerist Hack (1). Someone who has a 3 J
~ * *• year plan at LSE and identifies the positions Mf .that will make them Lord of the Hacks. Take allaj the aspects of Rishi Madlani and you have it:" the hack address book and mobile phone, for-^ Wmer Residences officer, non-threatening^ »demeanour about everything. A man who truly9| |j||Jldevotes his life to being elected.
Accidental Hack. Gets a top job out ofjj luck. Everyone else has finished their degrees? and got proper jobs. Think Ed Calow - Beaverl Sports Editor - and of course, Dave Cole. It's aj wonder Fabs Joseph hasn't got a position yet.i Illiteracy does count against him though. Also 'I j am Godzilla'. Who is she?What a genius election? campaign!
^Careerist Hack (2). A hack with a pas-; ffisioii; Creates societies or becomes Editor of The' %Beaver, thus sacrificing a 2:1 for a placement on wfthe Independent.
Butter-up Hack. A lot like careerist hacks, jbut at their most extreme. Krebbers and his biscuits. Tam and his emails to every society asking them to vote for him.
The Hack Group. Beaver hacks love each other. Go to parties together. Go to Lib Dem conferences together (what the fuck? - Ed). Spend Friday, Saturday and Sunday in each other's company. Will probably all get sued together by the Finance Society.
Spiteful Hack. Think Union Jack. Spiteful 91 Jack can't get laid, can't get elected and willH never edit The Beaver. Hence, hates everyone.
Practical Hack. Think Nat Black, LizziejkJ jFison and Raihan Alfaradhi. Hacks who makellfS j decisions based on pure, unspoilt logic. Oh , thep|r 4 beauty of it.
% ' mm loHlBMBB ~VHH9K Just-involve-me-in-something!
I Hack. Alex Hochuli, Doug Oliver, the entires C&S. Will take the most boring jobs known to' 'man just to get involved. Motivation uncertain, gilnsanity cannot be ruled out.
a# The Fluffy Lefty. These people have the£l* gfiword 'Islamophobia!' as their ring tone.Sgl Spiritual Leader is Sian Errington. All come® Egfrom comfortable backgrounds and pretend PSthey understand what it was like growing upgM ¦¦ ¦ ])oor. These hacks piss me off.
The Millwall Hack. These are the Right-wing, named Millwall Hacks because of their famous chant, 'no one likes us and we don't care.' Daniel Friedman was their god. Known to utter lines like, 'I'll celebrate Black History month when we are given White History month'.
Two prospective LSE students begin the climb up to the giddy heights of power
"UGM Hack. Getting involved in decision-I making but not proposing motions. Does this Imean that the Balcony Boys are hacks?
Rising hack:
Eddy Fonyodi
mm
Most successful hack:
Rishi Madlani (Passfield President by week 7 of his first year at the LSE; SU Residences; Gen Sec)
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"A Leading Global Fund Management Company
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We strive to preserve and enhance Singapore's reserves, and achieve good long-term returns. Not only is GIC an active investor in global equities, fixed income, foreign exchange markets, real estate and private equity, we also firmly believe in investing in talents around the world.
With offices in key financial centres worldwide and headquartered in Singapore, professionals will be exposed to diverse opportunities and personal growth. Take the first step and invest in a rewarding career with us.
To find out more, come to our company presentation on 23 November 2005) 12nooii at Room A316, Main Building. Meanwhile, visit us at www.gic.com.sg. We look forward to seeing you.
# GIC
E 1 N V E S T
T II E B E S T A R O I
T II li W O R L D
Sports Editors; gorgeous; funny; and, frankly, a little bit slutty
As we sit and contemplate the handing over of BeaverSports to a couple of fresh, enthusiastic fools, it starts to feel a little odd. The job kind of opens up a secret sub-division within you; a little bit of you that you'd be ashamed of everyone knowing about, except they do: your little dark nasty alter-ego. It brings a whole host of new things to your life. For instance, I spent an afternoon finding out what Bukkake meant on the Internet, Ed reached an epiphany with the headline"Sensei Ghazi does Karate, LSE KC learns to harm ye!" and learned that ridiculing certain 'groups' is morally wrong. It's bizarre what you find funny sat in a stuffy office with a collection of self-proclaimed hacks, whilst normal people are out socialising. It's even more bizarre on Tuesday morning when you see your caffine-enhanced stream of conciousness in big print on Houghton Street. So good luck to the new editors and our consistently brilliant sports teams. Thank you to our writers and fellow staff who made the job so entertaining, fuck you to all those who worked so apparently tirelessly to have removed everything that makes BeaverSports unique, fun, and an ample substitue for an active sex life. Now, for us, it's over. We've put so much time into this that we've basically failed our degrees, but it was worth it, dammit. Occasionally. Or will be tonight with the free Champangne at the Beaver Party, at least.
WITH ALL OUR LOVE, K-LO and O'SIDE xxxxxxxxx. For the last time, Bye.
My perfect sports editor I	• would be, well, it'd proba-
CF AJi> *bly be Ed, but since my 10 month campaign to sleep with him has proved fruitless I've decided to try a new tactic and jack it all in. Hopefully now he will miss me so much that his steel resolve will crumble. That's what the Pullout Agony Aunt reckons anyway (Sorry Ruth!)
When pushed to design a new one it took all of thirty seconds to be on www.clas-sichunkofman.com. Johnny Depp was the first to feature with his pirate charms, swiftly followed by the chav-like brute Mr T, who encompasses both Calella("I aint gettin on no plane, fool") and my deep seated need to relive the 80's.
After my struggles with Ed and our differences of opinion, I choose Vin Diesel. Stacked, bald and with no personality -perfect! Then, for those of you who know me,
Dean Cain was an obvious choice. Despite the fact that he now has children (with someone other than me?!) and is doing straight-to-video films, I still dig those kinky boots. We all had a childhood fantasy. Welcome to mine.
Last but definatly not least is my nod towards sports, in the slightly contemptible manner of Ben Cohen'
s cock. Not only does he play (and have a rather big medal from) my sport of choice, but he has impeccable genes. Two "English world cup winners in the family and, oh yeah,
he's hot.
So if you think you can match up to this colossal composition and take on the task of Sports Editor,
we'd love to hear from you by tomorrow. Otherwise, I promise you won't be hearing from me anymore,
/yt/yi/y»/y»/Yi
/ Platypus? I \
thought it was pro- \ nounced Platymapus. Has it always been pro- J V nouned Platypus? /
V	/ A
me

" # "
¦ ^	Well, since Jen has just said that I
• constitute the apogee of a male ^	• BeaverSports editor, I feel obliged to
reciprocate by adding that she is nigh on perfect herself. I say on nigh on perfect: the fact that she feeds on stinking, putrid, rats carcasses in the office and then has the temerity to complain that I make the place smell of smoke is a problem. As is the fact that she possesses a slimy, prehensile and barely concealed reptilian tail (illustrated), and won't stop trying to touch me inappropriate places while I'm working on BeaversSports. With the aforementioned tail.Ugh.
But these flaws are more than outweighed by the fact that she is, as I discoved at the Barrel last year (twice), a fan-tasitc shag (don't believe Jen when she denies sleeping with someone at the Barrel, the little minx). Also, she's just generally awesome, and any attempt to find someone capable of replacing her would surely be doomed to
failure.
But anyway, to designing my ideal female editor. Whilst Jen headed straight for www.prizecocks.com, I decided to be somewhat more tasteful in my approach. So, whose cunt? Why Kylie's, of course. Tits? Well, apparently everyone secretly fancies their mother, and I guess that might be •*y why I chose a pair recently subject-to a botched boob job. Readership, meet Lindsay Lohan's chest.
The legs were easy; a character from the erection-inducing Hollyaoks was chosen at random, and thus Jodi Albert has been given the dubious honour of appearing on these pages. Anna Kornikova's face completes the humanoid elements of my creation.
The tail, of course, belongs to Jen. I'll be honest, I'm really going to miss it sidling down my trousers on a : Friday evening, reaching in vain for, V well, my tail.
Finally, to the most important aspect of my perfect woman; her intellect. It is crucial to me that she be as dumb as a hermit crab with Down's Syndrome. I don't want no woman makin' me look stupid, hence why this girl is quoting the incomparable Jessica Simpson.
You know the scary thing about my composite woman? Men, admit it, she is, as her poorly cut-out hand indicates, seriously fucking HOT.
20_22/11/05_IBeaverSports
THE SEARCH IS ON FOR NEW
BeaverSports EDITORS
IBeaverSports
22/11/05
21
Super Badminton 2nds fly home
Raj Mendhir
Badminton Super 2nds	5
Gimperial 2nds	3
The day of the London derby between LSE and	Imperial
College.. .time to show who the better team is. Meeting at 1:30 outside the old building, we made a senseless decision of walking to Temple tube station rather than Holborn. A further delay was encountered at Edgware Road, waiting for a member of the team (Shehzad) to finish taking a dump!
We finally missioned it to the courts in Wilson House in the rain, not bad for Halls of Residence. Arriving there at 2:40, we were notified
that the courts were booked until 4:30. We waited for Imperial to warm up (why didn't they warm up before -clowns!)
Finally we got on court about 2:55 for a warm up before our ex-first team "star" Rahul took to the court to play the first match. Dictating the game, he gave his opponent a workout, moving him all around the court taking the first set 15-4. Despite losing his 2nd set, and time, 15-13, he cleared his opponent up 15-3.
Next up in the singles arena, Sachin, playing in his comical green Speedos, got
cleaned up by Imperial's number one singles player 15-12 15-4 but provided resistance throughout. Whilst we were being entertained by Sach, Gee & Sato quickly wiped the floor with Imperial's doubles pair, with some hilarious screams of frustration & excitement from Sato the joker.
By 4:00, everyone had got on court, with Raj & Shehzad taking on Imperial's first doubles pair in a hard fought battle, packed with adrenalin & action, taking the first set 15-13. With Rahul and Sachin getting back on
-
. *
court to play their last games the time lured towards the tight 4:30 deadline. All three games were in the hands of the dominant LSE players, each of them one set up.
Before the clock could hit 4:30 it was called a day and the games were stopped mid-set. LSE were clearly the dominant side in this London derby, but with tight restrictions on time due to Imperial's booking system, no result was derived. A disappointing result, to be followed up by our first social at a delicious Thai restaurant in Holborn.
The next day, Imperial entered the score as 5-3 to them, the cheating bastards but quite naturally we disputed this and a 5-3 win to us was agreed! A good result after all.
Sancha Bainton
'How to Kick Ass'
Women's Tennis: Their season as it stands
sense. Firstly the predominately international team experienced the Garden of England, and also learnt 'garden' in English can be interchanged with the words 'compost' and 'heap'. Aesthetics shouldn't matter when it comes to tennis, but rain, no let me rephrase, severe 'number 8 on some crazy geographical measure' storm, does. Now I know football, rugby and other manly sports can be played in the rain, but firstly, we're not men, tennis players do not wear studs and when you're playing crap opponents, its bloody cold, as the only sweat you break is trekking from the station.
3 single victories were accomplished in less than an hour, like in Top Gear a 'wet' handicap is added to the time. Their team was one short so no more was needed. Last weeks victory was from the outlook more normal. Even a record number of games were lost by the LSE, but not to fear, still no sets dropped. The deceiving tactic the RVS brought to the game was to not so slyly switch their number 1 and 2 for their 3 and 4.
They must have thought we were all mathematically challenged. Pati (good with numbers) shrewdly adapt- / ed our team and secured once again a 10:0 victory. So there we have it four ass kicking victories and one night in the Tuns Alex, Erin Pati and myself would like to forget, oh no wait, I cant even remember it in the first place. Its been emotionally epic ladies, although ironically short regarding time on court. If we continue, like Chelsea, we could win the league by Christmas.
There's winning and there's winning avec ass kicking. Bolton beat Spurs on Monday, this victory falls into the former category, Spurs are the better team and Defoe was NOT offside. 1993, England versus USA, Graham Taylor - Jokes! Enough said.
The ladies tennis team are only familiar with the latter category. In four matches, not a set has been lost. Erin, our number one has managed to master the art of annihilating the opponent in less than four minutes while Becky is a pro at cooking up fried eggs (tennis speak for 6-0 6-0 score line).
It was not all as easy as it looks, well it was, but for the sake of entertainment. We were victimized from the word go, every opposition bringing a new dimension of 'how to piss off the LSE.' Word obviously had spread that we were the team to beat, our second opponents avoided humiliation by not even turning up, leaving us with four hours of court time. As I took this opportunity to go sub for the LSE netball 2nd's I was kindly replaced in the doubles practice by a chair. Apparently the chair was not as tactically gifted as my self, but
sadly not the same could be said about footwork.
The third match, against some Kent university in the back ass of nowhere was very educational in the geographical
Andy Lomax
Raunchy Rowers	6th
Total number of teams	276
Row, row, row your boat, swiftly down the stream
On Sunday 13 th November, LSE Rowing made its first competitive venture, from its UL boat club stronghold. The first four, consisting of Joe Falter, Rob Brackenbury, Ravi Dhaliwal and Andrew Lomax, raced in Kingston Small Boats Head (time trial) over 4800m. In our category there were 5 crews, and in total 276 crews raced that day.
This story actually began on the evening of Friday 11th November. The four made its way 20 km upstream to rack our boat in Kingston, for our race on Sunday, since we have no trailer. Despite warnings, Ravi still managed to bring what looked like an expedi-
tion sized bag with him in the boat, making our row up that little bit more enjoyable.
The crew made it through the two locks, up the slipperiest landing stage in the world and managed to untangle Ravi's shoe from a broken old rowing machine that had been set as a trap for the unwitting LSE heroes. Good prevailed and our boat was there, now the easy part to look forward to, the race two days later.
Sunday morning, and all is well, or so it seems. Transport into the suburbs included 2 buses, a train, a tube and a £15 taxi, but all four managed to make it to the boat house in time. Our warm up was extensive, all
of about 20 stokes (better than LSEFC after a Wednesday night), and we were then called into position by the marshal.
After a small wait we were off, and in hot pursuit
of the only boat in our category to start ahead of us, Kingston University. By 1000m gone we were past them, despite the fact that their lack of reading ability meant the rule of giving way for an overtaking crew was ignored and we had to take the outside of the bend. Past the only opposition in our division, it was now a case of racing the clock, since we didn't know how fast the
crews behind us would fare. Multiple technical calls, and several "crank it" calls later and we had overtaken another crew, a quad, and were coming to the last 500m. We wound it in in what was not the best display of rowing prowess, but at least it was over, now only the 15km row back to Chiswick.
It was not the perfect race, but we felt confident
that we had been fairly fast, but we wouldn't know until the results came out. After an agonising wait we found out... LSERC wins its category, senior 3 coxless fours, in a time of 17:37.6. This time placed us as the 6th fastest crew of the 276 that raced that day, and we would have won the category above us. So, the first victory of the year for LSE Rowing.
22_22/10/05_iBeaverSports
Run (through a) forest, run
Cross Country's sterling season continues as they womble through Wimbledon Common
Lawrence Leong
-4 f—9 November. 3pm. 8 / degrees. -1- I Wimbledon Common. 17 of us dressed in '70s running vests and shrunk-too-much-in-the dryer shorts. New sharapo-va advertisement? *Vicky Pollard voice* : Yea but no but yea but no but yea but no. Whaddaya know! It was in fact, the 3rd installment of the London Colleges Cross Country
League, soon to be released on DVD.
The unique thing about this race was that we had to run as fast as possible for as long as possible. Like what we try to do at races. Why? So that the LSE Runners has the opportunity has the chance to appear in The Beaver with odd-sounding nicknames of course. Why? Because bashing your way through 9km of mud, grass, horseshit and UCL frankensteins is a most respectable task on a Wednesday afternoon. So here goes:
In an unimpressive first place again, was Max "Mad-Moley-Max" Melstrom. You definitely have to do better than that. Next was Tom "out-ran-dick-and-harry" Beedell storming in at a time of 35:20. Matt "it-was-worth-the-rush" Rushworth shook off the effects of the New York marathon, budweisers and coke to come in 3rd for the team. Then in true American fashion, Mike "give-me-another-pint-of" McGinnis secured 4th place for the first team followed by Scott "it-felt-
like-climbing-the" Andes who came stumbling through to an impressive 5th. Lawrence "leave-off-the-leotard" Leong finished off the first team just in time to get this article done.
The second team meanwhile, had other ideas. No later than 11 seconds after, Ben "there-done-that" Garnett pounded home in an awesome time of 40:04 to head off the second team. Then came Matt "I-never-once-doubted" Thomas a minute later, shaking off some Gimps in the process. Biatches. This
was followed in quick succession by Tome "Send-the-Gimps-skiing" Sandevski, Greg "lets-do-the-whoopie" Opie, Sam " Uncle-Sam-wants-it-shaken-not-stirred" Martin and Pratyush "UC-prats-are-yogis" Rastogi.
Then in true admirable fashion, Rebecca "I-am-a-woman-watch-me-Hulk" Hogan single-handedly held up the women's team. The end results were that the women's team ended at 13th place (but only best 5 races count!) with LSE team 1 in 4th in division 1, just a mere 100
points behind the Gimps, and LSE Team 2 in 3rd in division 2.
With the easy part accomplished, the team then turned to the more perilous and daunting task of cleaning mud off shoes and trying to think of Barrel fines for absentee captain Kevin "things-did-n't-turn-out so" Baddeley. But before that, we bade farewell to the beautiful autumn forest of Wimble Common, caught more whiffs of horseshit, made some penis jokes and made our way down the gravel road to the civilization.
Netball sths don't let Holloway out of jail
	Siana
.''-iSL . - jBSH	Bretherton
	
Netball 5ths	26
Royal Holloway Jailbirds	22
It was a freezing cold
Wednesday afternoon,
Berrylands was silent and desolate, and even our team was desolate, missing Libby who was poorly in bed and Nicki Nails (our only Goal keeper); plus we'd had Jen and Mel poached from the 2nds and 4ths respectively. But here we were ready to face Royal Holloway.
We were evenly matched, despite some of our players being in positions with which they weren't familiar. With Harry as centre and Laura as GK, we were playing hard, but every time we scored Holloway were able to claw (literally as far as their GD was concerned) their way back. Did we want this as badly as them? We weren't chasing the balls like Royal Holloway and we weren't grasping and grabbing at every opportunity.
After the 1st quarter, although we had a slight lead, we had to work harder; this was ours and
we had to make sure Holloway knew we meant business. And we did! Fighting back against the scratching GD we made our place on the court known, sticking to our players and making them work harder than they had expected. Harry was amazing as our centre, with the Claw working really hard (despite her tiny size which we tend to forget about) to get the balls into the D to Becky and Tamsin who played beautifully together, helping us maintain and increase our lead in the 2nd quarter.
We were 4 up but we couldn't be complacent: we knew Royal Holloway had the ability and the desire to win this! We had switched positions at half time with Harry as GA, Becky as WA and the Claw as C. Positions had also been changed at the opposite end of the court too with Laura taking WD and Siana as GK. This quarter the opposite end
was working harder than before, Pui played amazingly as GD leaping and jumping, making sure that the ball flew back up to our goal at every opportunity. Siana, a novice at GK, wasn't at her best, marking the GS as a WA: but it was a learning curve. Perhaps the most important learning curve was realising we had to work even harder! They had managed to claw 2 goals back.
In the final quarter it was all to play for, as the game still wasn't won! We moved our players back to their original positions. It was an amazing shift, the ball flew beautifully from the centre to our goal circle, Harry finding the Claw and Becky or Siana and Pui, then playing the ball up to the D where Becky and Tamsin were just popping the goals in effortlessly. Due respect has to be paid to Holloway because in the dying minutes they did fight back, but it was too late.
All American heroes chalk up another win
LSE Basketball 2nds	55
St Bart's Tarts	45
The Super Seconds recorded their first victory of the year against the Tarts of St Barts Medical "School". Our opening game of the season the previous week had seen a disorganised Second Team lose to RUMS Scum. However the gallant collection of sporting superstars that (eventually) arrived at our home court in Hackney on Saturday had been bonded emotionally and physically by having had a firework thrown onto the court at our last training session. Also Captain Ricardo had decided that it might be a good idea to actually practise some set plays and tactics before this game. The impact this had on the quite frankly shit St Barts team was as glorious to behold as Michael Owen's last-minute annihilation of the Argies. St Barts just couldn't deal with the speed and strength of Victor Xi, Mike Cherfan
and Maximos "part-time student, full-time pervert" Theodoridis driving to the basket. Big games from Vic Mehta and Marco Papi allowed LSE to dominate the boards with aggression surpassing Rebekah Wade after a few drinks. El Capitan	Ricardo
Villafuerte-Abrego showed all the dictatorial traits synonymous with his Latin American and German roots in leading from the front, whilst Adrian Koh dazzled with his mad ball skills.
Vincent "just write about me being fat and ugly" Sadlak continued to moan despite his decent performance whilst Joe "I love my teacher" Quaye actually scored for the first time all year (including off the court). Debutant Poseidon Retsinas showed his aptitude for the Second team by trying to chat up the girlfriend of St Bart's captain whilst he tricked her
Quaye
into recording the wrong number of fouls on the scoresheet.
Despite this being the first win of the season, the final whistle saw despondency fall across the Super Seconds as we knew should have beaten St Barts worse than a prisoner in Abu Ghraib. Better discipline and better executed plays will be the key to success this season and our forthcoming match against Gimperial will see our game put under greater scrutiny than the Finance Society Committee up before C&S.
The evening was concluded in the usual manner with drinks in the Three Crowns at Old Street, the dispensation of Maximos' relationship advice and the not unconnected subject of the need to recruit and train a cheerleading squad for the coming season. All enquiries should be directed to Captain Ricardo.
IBeaverSports: football 22/11/05
23
Fred rubs Salt in Kings' wounds
Knoxy
Mighty Mighty 1sts	3
Kings 1sts	0
Dear Mr.
Mcdermott
I am writing to you concerning the most serious of matters. Eleven of our students have found to be suffering from acute clinical depression, and are rapidly approaching a Marxist's level of lunacy and gibberish. After an examination more thorough than an Abu Musab al-Zarqawi execution, we have identified a gaggle of potential causes: atrocious A-level results, poor job prospects, sexual inadequacy, childhood molestation, and over-exposure to Zoe Ball during adolescence. However, one event ties this imbroglio of decrepitude together: the humiliating defeat of these eleven pusillanimous individuals to the LSE Football First Team last Saturday afternoon.
My reliable sources inform me that my sorry students were pounded like Fallujah and Tera Patrick by the self-proclaimed Mighty Mighty Firsts. Up front, I am told, was a striker more lethal than Harold Shipman. Fred Salt is fast becoming our nemesis and I urge you, for the psychological health of my students, to tell him to mitigate his scoring rate. His first goal against us came after thirty seconds for heaven's sake! And then it flew with more purpose and direction than American Airlines Flight 11 into the top corner. Your marauding
bunch of pillagers subsequently proceeded to bombard our box. It was actually a source of relief when your irrepressible midfielder Rich Nicholls made it two.
I am desperate and I need your help on this matter. Your goalkeeper Rich Gull sweated less than my wife during sex and spent most of the game inspecting the talent in the netball courts behind his goal (like father like son I'm reliably told). Our midfielders have not been the same since coming up against Chris Paterson, Veteran Rustam and pocket-sized Paolo. And your other strikers! Jim Little and Fishy Fishlock, they helped quite literally to rub Salt in the wounds. And with his third goal he broke eleven hearts that hadn't felt that inescapable deep sadness since Robbie left Take That.
I have saved discussion of perhaps our biggest headache until last: Barney Singer. As an eminent historian, I can tell you a great deal about this Venezuelan's origins. He tyrannized our sodomised left back more than Juan Vicente Gomez did his country. He played with more passion than a Romulo Gallegos novel. He mocked us like Hugo Chavez does good gover-
nance. Please please please stop him. The mental health of eleven young poly students depends on it. Their life is in your hands Knoxy do not let them go the way of those' other perennially overrated	madmen:
Friedrich Nietzsche, Syd Barret or your high school geography teacher Mr Hamilton. We meet again in two weeks. I am prepared to conduct the labour of Sisyphus to have the mercy of the Mighty Mighty Firsts. Yet I fear my hopes will be quashed. I guess we'll see in a fortnight. Until then I'm going to return to mopping up the piss and saliva from the bodies of these vegetative fuckwits that I have the displeasure to call my students.
Yours Sincerely,
King's College
Men's ULU Premier One	
	P W D L F A GD Pts
1 UCL lsts	4 3 10 115+6 10
2 LSE lsts	3 3 0 0 14 3+11 9
3 QMW 3rds	3 2 10 9 2 +7 7
Deviant 5ths rock on
Deviant 5ths
Royal School of Mines 1sts
With the 5th team's form dropping quicker than George Best's haemoglobin count, something drastic needed to happen last Wednesday to stop the rot. And so the most consistently inconsistent team in the FC made the arduous voyage to Heathrow, not to partake in a hedonistic foray in continental Europe, but to rightly shaft the corrupt Union of Miners.
After the traditional 5th-team pre-match warm up, consisting of the infamous 'Oliver Twist heel-kick', 'Mario power jump' (immortalised by the 7ths a few years ago) and the recent addition of the 'Tim Henman clenched fist' to conclude proceedings, Captain Rash set down his battle plans for the match. Post-grad Pete would be making his debut at centre-back in place of Dave 'Flash' Gordon, still out with a particularly nasty penile yeast infection, and five would be played across the midfield, with Irfan's lone striker role adding more weight to claims he is 'disliked'. With a final battle cry of "Let's do it for Trevor", the match got underway.
The first few minutes were tricky, with the miners probing around for a hole in our defence, digging in at the back, and generally engaging in other mining puns such as calling a spade a spade, etc. The first breakthrough came, however, with a penalty, despite the claims having less appeal than a two-hour HY314 historiography class. Luckily, or perhaps not seeing our substitute Gareth was reff-
	
	Deus: San
	
	
ing the match, it was awarded to us. Irfan however clearly felt sorry for the dirty little scamps, and much like Robbie Fowler (or 'Robert Fowler' as UG Pete likes to call him) decided to miss the penalty. Unlike Fowler, however, in this case it wasn't deliberate, and is genuinely the worst penalty many of us have ever seen taken. Left-back Baby Luke has reportedly had to have counselling since.
Irt did manage to rectify his misdemeanour with a heap of goals; his first, and it pains me to say it, a Henry-esque ball juggle followed by a quick turn and strike into the bottom corner. He reached his hat-trick with a couple of tap-ins before half-time, and Deus added a fourth from a goal-mouth scramble to make it 4-0 at the break.
At half-time fingerless mute Josh, despite his patent lack of verbal dexterity, managed to communicate to Captain Rash that he was injured and was replaced by our token hapless giant, Gareth, at centre-back. Some more great work down the wings from McWill (recently ranked 34th richest man in England) buried the miner's chances of a comeback early on, with Irfan grabbing two goals in quick succession, and dummying a header to let Deus grab his second from the mid-field. New-boy Sudeep then replaced Will on the right, leaving their left-back to pit his wits against even more winger trickery. Undergrad Pete was replaced by Wizard John, who adapted a nonchalantly to the central midfield role, passing his balls
around the team with ease. The miners proceeded to hit rock-bottom, allowing Andy 'Feathers' 'Pin-head' 'Disgrace' 'Birdman' Burton to score a 25-yarder, making it 8-0 to the deviant 5ths. Frequent woman-beater Dave 'Knuckles' Hardy, who is normally more 'hit-the-missus' than 'hit-and-miss', went on to spurn a number of easy chances to increase the lead even further.
It was at this point that Irfan suffered an 'injury' leaving Rash to move goalkeeper Hong Kong Dom up front for the last ten minutes. Dom is typically less effective than the rhythm-method of contraception in his new role, but surprised everyone by flicking a ball off his melon-shaped dome to set up Deus for a left-foot volley through the advancing keeper's legs, securing him his first, and no doubt last, LSE hat-trick. Final score 9-0.
The road to the Tuns was briefly interjected by a trip to our disliked striker's house in Barons Court for beer, Pro-Evolution and, in some cases, sexual deviancy. Birdman began his usual night of general disgrace, Pete shocked us all with his 'jokes', the word 'ironic' was continually used out of context, and, most importantly, hardcore ultimate reverse countdown taps was invented, a creation which could send shockwaves through the drinking games industry. On to the Tuns for dirty pints and then Walkabout, the 5th team celebrated in style; one more win will see us comfortably 2nd in the league for the winter.
Filthies ironically keep a clean sheet
ff
1 3
Jome back when your balls have 'dropped" the angry Swede bellowed. The sexual frustration that's been building up inside Nils since his blow-up doll was popped was clear for everyone to see. In fear of this angry turnip, the 8 year old scallies road off back into the Berrylands ghetto.
That was about as exciting as the game got against the Strand poly last Wednesday. It was, however, the 4ths best defensive display of the season.
	
^ IN	Chris
:	Nail'er
	
Hence the reason I'm letting the food burn in the Underground so I can write this masterpiece.
Our defence was made up of Joey, now with clean Y-fronts, on the left. Blind man Mugz on the right and Del Horny and el Captaino in the centre.
Filthy 4ths Strand Poly 4ths
Despite early pressure from the 4ths the closest we got was tryhards Josh's spooned effort hitting the corner flag.
With all this pressure, a Kings counter attack was about as inevitable as Brummie failing MA100 again. On one occasion our
0 0
Jackanory goalie Brett decided to show his undying love for their striker with a bear hug to the legs. This resulted in a penalty which their captain decided was a perfect opportunity to try and knock the birds nest out of the tree behind the goal rather than
try and score.
The Filthies held on till half time and despite Captain Nail'ers inspirational screams of "just fucking shoot" we couldn't break the deadlock.
You would have thought ULU enforced a sight test on all the OAPs they employ to referee our games but once again it appeared not. Our granddad waved away a penalty which was more blatant than the fact that Ramsay's gay. [Note to Editor: I do not intend to cause any
offence to anyone by this comment, I am simply referring to the over-friendliness Ryan shows to people of the same sex as him].
The 4ths continued tc pressure with no reward and came away with a hard fought point. Then it was on to the Ttins and fines for all the members of the team that spend more time on their hair than actually drinking. Joey and Nils struggled a bit with their exotic meals of curdled baileys... hope you like mixed grills lads!
Sloppy gets Slick
The Sloppy 2nds avoid penetration at the back to secure their 1st win of the season and solidify their league position
f
scraps

BUSA Rugby Division 5	
1. Portsmouth University 2nds	15
2. Reading University 2nds	9
3. Kings College 3rds	9
4. LSE 2nds	6
5. Buckinghamshire Chilterns 2nds	3
	Sloppy Seconds		32	3	Bucks Poly		
BUSA Division 5		Wednesday 16/11				The great Berrylands	
Murderer
Last weeks walkover against St. Georges had left the team in the lofty heights of 4th in the table and Wednesday's game provided the perfect opportunity to consolidate this position. The team gathered at the Fortress minus Captain Slopper, Craig and a match ball. Sameer assumed command and rallied the troops into action with a fine warm up conducted by Scouse. The kick off time was fast approaching and there was still no sign of Slopper or the match ball. This led to myself stepping into the fray for a rare start.
The game kicked off and it was clear from the start that a first win of the season was achievable. Commitment and heart were in abundance and it was not long before a series of drives from the pack led to a penalty chance in front of the posts. The 3 points were duly taken. More points would be needed and many an opportunity was squandered before a fine pass from our very own Wilkinson allowed Reesy to dummy his way to the try line.
The poly were handed their only points of the day after some sloppy play and dodgy refereeing and there followed some sustained
pressure which should have resulted in more tries but for the final pass going astray. Fine performances were being put in everywhere with Mert winning turnovers all over the pitch and Chris Stallard running through from fullback as many kicks sent his way. Such was our dominance at this point thatYoshi decided to take a rest claiming to be bored on the wing.
At half time Kieran and Craig entered the action allowing me to take my customary position on the sidelines, satisfied at my contribution to the first half effort. Complacency appeared to be setting in at the start of the second half and it took a while until our superior fitness in the front row began to tell with
Sameer waddling over for the second try. This was excellently converted by Chris from the touchline.
The arrival of the girls on the touchline seemed to inspire Zac and Scouse into action and it was not long before we were in full flow again with Pirate Barrow putting Reesy, still alive after two spear tackles, through for his second try of the match leading to gawps from the touchline of, "Who's that number 12?". There then followed one of the most audacious drop goals ever seen on the hallowed turf of Berrylands from none other than Mr Rees. It seemed that he desperately wanted to book an appointment with a monster later on in the evening.
Parnell, Ussher and Busted were taking time out from the gun club to make fine contributions in the pack and this led to Kieran scoring his second try of the season, boshing through the paper thin defence. Elsewhere Dan had been working hard on the wing with some jinking runs catching the eye, Craig had been making some good drives in the loose and Joey appeared to be enjoying his time on the wing in the second half.
The final whistle brought scenes of joy which had been sadly lacking earlier in the season and there are high hopes that this fine performance will be followed up in the return game against Strand Poly.

Please Cod, not Fabs for Sports lull tor
/ Sam J ones. Editor