The Beaver
The Newspaper of the LSE SU

First Published 05 May 1949
blink interviews The Corporation co-creator, page 14
26 October 2004
B:art checks out Turner Prize nominations, pages 20-21
Issue number 605

Briefing
Tuns survey
A survey carried out by The Beaver has shown that the vast majority of students are satisfied with the new look of the Three Tuns bar, but question whether it was worth spending more than £800,000 on it.
News	page 3
Drury Lane hall
Three new halls being planned by the LSE, including the one being constructed on Drury Lane are at varying stages of development. With capacities of 230, 366 and possibly 900, they have the potential to greatly increase the LSE residential capacity.
News	page 2
Book discount
Following a stoiy run by The Beaver last week regarding the poor service provided by Waterstone's, which runs the Economists' Bookshop, Blackwell's booksellers have agreed to give LSE students a 10 percent discount.
News	page 2
//
Phil" interview
blink interviews "Phil"; scourge of Oxford Street's godless masses. Anyone who has jostled their way through busy Oxford Street will have seen or heard its resident preacher. Is he just another eccentric or something more sinister?
blink	page 12
Return of the ring
The Lord of the Rings has become much more than a children's story in the past 50 years. December sees the re-release of the three precious volumes.
B:art	page 23
Michaelmas Term election pull-out inside
Council discusses school growth
Mark Power
Executive Editor
LSE Director Sir Howard Davies will present his submission to a Council away-day on planning the future development of the School and comment on its conclusions in a meeting for interested staff and students on 10 November
The discussions of the School Council, the LSE's equivalent of a board of directors, included proposals to increase the School's student numbers in light of the acquisition of what is currently being referred to as the New Academic Building at 24 Kingsway.
Speaking to The Beaver, Director of Finance and Facilities Andrew Farrell said the fully developed estate including the new buildings could accommodate up to 11,000 students.
There was, however, he said "broad consensus that the right thing to plan to grow to around 9,000 students with 24 Kingsway" until building and renovation work on the School's existing buildings, especially the ageing Claremarket and St Clements had been completed.
The discussions, which form the ideas for the School's medium term strategic plans, did not establish exactly where the growth would occur.
Farrell said that the extra stu-
I
-Ey w—_S._!_
How many students is too many? Overcrowding has long been a problem. / Photo; Olivia Mantle
dents could either be undergraduate or postgraduate within existing programmes or as part of new initiatives.
In reaction to concerns that the School plans to reduce undergraduate numbers, or even remove them altogether, Council members are said to have agreed that the role of undergraduates in the School remains a crucial one, with Farrell commenting that undergraduates put a lot of the energy into the School contribut-
ing a great deal to the LSE's character and community.
He said "a teaching factory would be a dull and awful place."
Concern that an increase in student numbers at the School could lead to increased pressure on the Library resources and other pressured facilities were addressed by the awayday group which resolved to investigate the effects of a numbers increase and resolve five year plans in order to accommodate the increases.
Deputy Librarian, Maureen Wade commented that plans to improve Library facilities would include proposals to increase the size of the Course Collection which at present is restricted in the number of new books that can be purchased because the size of the actual space is so small. She stressed that Library plans were at an early stage and that several options were being discussed.
Continued on page 2 Editorial Comment, page 9
Vacancies in halls yet to be filled
Prashant Rao
News Editor
The Accommodation Office is struggling to fill out the remaining vacancies in halls of residence, currently totalling 44, a problem attributed to the falling number of postgraduates, as reported in The Beaver last week, and a new computer system.
Accommodation officer Paul Trivett added that an unusually low rate of acceptance had hampered the Accommodation office's efforts to fill the remaining
places, the vast majority of which are in Great Dover Street hall with 34 vacancies.
Interestingly, despite a rise in the number of undergraduates against LSE projections, the Accommodation Office received fewer applications for halls of residence from incoming undergraduates, though as per standard practice, all first-year undergraduates who requested a place in halls of residence were allocated one.
According to Trivett, only seven students are currently on the Accommodation Office's
waiting list, and the possibility of filling all 44 vacancies is not promising, though he did say that several students have expressed interest in moving into halls at the end of this term.
Trivett also said that the Accommodation Office may be a victim of its own successful program to help students ^ find private accommodation, which is becoming more competitively priced as time goes on.
As he puts it, "If we're not going to provide residence to students at a markedly cheaper price than private accommodation.
then there's not much point in us providing this service."
While the financial difference between halls of residence and private accommodation has closed, even up-market halls such as High Holbom are cheaper for students than living in a flat.
Despite the number of vacancies and the bleak prospects of filling them all, Trivett remains upbeat, promising that come next year it will not be an issue.
New halls of residence, page 2 Passfield update, page 5
2_News_
New student accommodation on the cards for the LSE
he Beaver aber 2004
WiU. BE CLOSED
The new LSE hall of residence on
week, although this is likely to rise in line with inflation before the hall opens.
Trivett also confirmed that the LSE plans for students at the hall to be under an unprecedented 50-week contract, which points to the hall being more suitable for postgraduate students.
It will be a self-catered residence that he predicts, "will run along tiie same lines as the Great Dover Street building in terms of commimal spaces; a bar, common
Drury Lane will house 230 students.
room and TV room will all be provided."
When questioned about affordable places in halls for first-year undergraduates, Trivett indicated that the emphasis for housing such students would be on the "five closest haUs", High Holborn, Rosebery, Bankside, Carr-Saunders and Passfield, when it re-opens.
Plans for a large third new hall on Pentonville Road, near King's Cross have been put on
/ Photo: Mark Donahue
hold after planning permission for a proposed 900 bed hall in two former NatWest office towers was rejected by the Islington Borough Council.
Developers also involved with the project are said to have "cooled" their interest, though the LSE stiU reports that the development has a "high probability of proceeding".
No target dates for completion have yet been set.
Michaelmas Term elections set to take off
Simon Chignell
The new LSE student accommodation located on Drury Lane is set to be the most expensive for students to rent yet due to the type of lodgings and its "excellent location", whilst two further proposed LSE halls in Spitalfields and King's Cross have suffered set-backs to their opening for students.
The Grosvenor House building is situated on Drury Lane, an estimated three-minute walk from the LSE, and is currently running to its scheduled opening of September 2005, but its studio-style flats mean that it will house mainly married couples and postgraduates.
Prices for a single room are set to be upwards of £120 per week, however the price per student could be less if they were to share a double room.
The capacity of the new hall is likely to be around 230 students.
The School agreed to a contract with new owners. Network Housing Association, to lease the building for a total of 21 years.
Explaining the acquisition. Accommodation Officer Paul Trivett commented that although the Drury Lane hall would be "less suitable" for undergraduates, the priority at the moment was to increase available bed spaces and currently "postgraduate numbers are rising faster than undergraduates".
When asked about the provi-
Blackwell's discount
Mark Power
Executive Editor_
Blackwell's booksellers have announced they will be extending their discount scheme to cater to LSE students who have not yet purchased their books for this year.
The announcement comes after The Beaver reported last week that Waterstone's had chainged their policy on ordering books. Blackwell's originally ran the offer to aU students during the first four weeks of term.
However, speaking to The Beaver, Andrew Chart Blackwell's Central London Regional Manager, said he had extended the offer in order to allow LSE students who may not yet have purchased their books to take advantage of the 10 percent discoimt on aU products in store.
LSE SU General Secretary Will Macfarlane expressed his gratitude, saying, "Waterstone's should not take their position on campus for granted and should always be striving to offer a competitive service to LSE students."
The offer is available at Blackwell's Holbom shop and its Charing Cross Road branch, upon the presentation of an LSE student ID card. The offer will be available until 31 December 2004.
Waterstone's were unavailable for comment.
Editorial Comment, page 9
sion of budget accommodation he admitted that he could "never see us building another Carr-Saunders or Rosebery again" because it would be financially unviable.
With the privatization of Passfield seemingly imminent, this would leave only those two LSE halls at the "budget" end of the accommodation spectrum.
According to Rishi Madlani, Students' Union Residences officer: "With top-up fees coming in and a lack of affordable accommodation there is a danger of putting off under-privileged students.
"The school can be seen to be encouraging such students to apply to the LSE while simultaneously pricing them out."
Meanwhile the expected completion of the proposed hall on Crispin Street, Spitalfields has been delayed until September 2006 after Shaftesbuiy Student Housing were forced to renegotiate their contract following concerns raised by the group funding the project, the Royal Bank of Scotland.
Other issues remain to be resolved after a second Roman-dated skeleton was found at the construction site this summer, though the LSE are confident that this wiU not cause a significant delay.
The hall will comprise of 366 single en-suite rooms under the current agreement, with prices being set currently at £110 per
Prashant Rao
News Editor_
BaUot papers in this week's upcoming Students' Union elections will be characterised by a crowded field for Court of Governors with 14 candidates competing for five places at the time of print.
Included in the field, which is two fewer than last year's, are SU Treasurer Gareth Carter, SU Residences Officer Rishi Madlani, SU Environment and Ethics Officer Joel Kenrick, SU Societies Officer Angus Mulready-Jones, former SU Students with Disabilities Officer Alice Brickley,	Conservative
Association Chair Daniel Freedman, Question Time Chair
Simon Rees and current Executive Editor of The Beaver, Mark Power.
The multitude of high-rank-ing Union officials and society chairs has led to a consensus among observers that several qualified candidates will be left off of the Court of Governors.
In addition, the five candidates who win election to the Court of Governors must decide amongst themselves who will sit on Council, the LSE's equivalent of a Board of Directors.
Competition for NUS Delegation is also stiff with ten candidates vying for five places, while ULU Council has five candidates campaigning for two places, compared to 14 and eight candidates respectively last year.
Among those running for the various seats are several possible Sabbatical candidates, including Chris Heathcote, running for ULU Council, who confirmed that he will be running for Communications Sabbatical in Lent term.
Current SU General Secretary Will Macfarlane marketed his experience as an NUS Delegate and a former member of the Court of Governors in his campaign for General Secretary last March, a model that some candidates are perhaps trying to repU-cate.
He endorsed this view, stating: "LSE students Uke experienced candidates who they know they can trust when it comes to sabbatical elections. Certainly being
a student Governor provided excellent preparation for me, and it's great that we have such a wide field this year".
However, he added "We could do with more female and international candidates for these important Union positions".
Voters will also have to make a decision for Honorary President between former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and Re-open Nominations (R.O.N.), which some insiders believe will be one of the most interesting races of this week's election.
SU Returning Officer Anthony GUlUand has set a target of getting 800 students to cast their ballots but feels 700 is a more accurate estimate.
School discusses future growth in numbers
Continued from page 1
Andrew Fkrrell commented on the possibility of moving some of the Library's computer facilities to other parts of the School to allow for more space for books and study.
However, Wade was keen to stress that there would remain a balance between computer and standard workspaces, and that the Library would retain sufficient space for those needing to use computer facilities in the Library building.
Wade also pointed to the importance of including Library considerations in the School's
overall estates strategy.
Paul Johnson, LSE Deputy Director said that with the acquisition of 24 Kingsway and the full occupancy of the Tower 3 building, the School could grow to 9,000 students and be able to do without Clare Market and St Clements buildings which are in need of renovation.
LSE SU General Secretary Will Macfarlane said that he had stressed during the discussions that the School should not repeat the previous policy of "expansion 'to fit' when we have the new space but instead pursue a wider strategy that considers the capac-
ity that exists in other facilities such as the Library, residences and catering."
Macfarlane continued that he was "greatly encouraged by conversations I have had in Council and with senior members of School staff that a more considered approach to expansion is emerging."
However he stressed that he would urge caution wdth regard to a large expansion of numbers.
On the issue of the student mix, Macfarlane said "It continues to be the position of the Student Union that no radical shift is needed in the balance
between xmdergraduate and postgraduate students at LSE, nor between home and international.
"Indeed, the cxirrent student mix is one of the School's great attractions to many prospective students, staff and employers worldwide."
The discussed increases represent a 20 percent increase in LSE student numbers, and will require Council approval before any policy of expansion is implemented allowing for a process of planning and further consultation amongst the School community.
Editorial Comment, page 9
The Be'aver
26 October 2004
News
3
Emphatic thumbs up for new-look Tuns
The Beaver team
LSE students have resoundingly voiced their approval for the newly-refurbished Three Hins bar with 69 percent saying that overall they were satisfied with the new Tuns.
46 percent said that they preferred the new Tuns to the old, compared to 30 percent who preferred the pub-style atmosphere of the bar as it was previous to this summer.
A vast majority however, 76 percent, questioned whether the new bar was worth the £800,000 that was invested in it by the Students' Union.
Students using the Quad, Underground and Tuns bar were
asked to complete a short questionnaire.
With more than 330 completed surveys returned to The Beaver, an all too common request was for increased seating in both the Tuns and the connected Underground Bar, especially during the day.
With respondents varying from first-year undergraduates to returning Master's students, The Beaver I^ins survey asked students nine questions - three of which asked them for their year of study, how often they went to the Tuns and whether they were a Home or International student.
The final sample of those surveyed represented a true cross-section of the LSE student body.
Quotable notes
'It looks like IKEA went on a "Too classy to be a student bar, rampage. Where did the pub go?" too crappy to be a classy bar."
'At last we have a Union bar that we can show off. However, at £800,000, its an expensive price to pay."
"It has no soul. This one does not know if it wants to be a pub or a lounge!"
"Design of the bar is ridiculous — the area around it gets very packed at events like Crush."
"The Underground Bar is well done but can you imagine the [Athletics Union] Barrell being held there?"
"The place looks like all the wine bars in the area. The character is lost."
"I have been to the Tuns more since it has been refurbished than I did for the whole of last year."
"It looks like an airport lounge!"
"I find the new Tuns a very bad attempt to look posh. At least before, although filthy, it had personality."
"Did it have to look so sterile?!"
"It is a relief to have additional "A name change might be space to chill during the day." appropriate."
Do you prefer the old or new Tuns?
DOBi' MfflW
But was It worth Would you eat in The Tuns?
£800,000?
Are you satisfied with The Tuns?
NO
31%

*


Back in the good ol' days: The Three Tuns as it looked in the 1950s, with barrels atop the bar labelled L-S-E.
The Three Tuns before the summer's refurbishment: a pub-style atmosphere that some have sorely missed.







An artist's impression. SU officials denied that the finished product would resemble a wine bar.
The Tuns as we now know it, lacking the traditional pub feel, but popular with most students.
Union Jack
Postgrads, evidently, are hankering for the gym; looking buff and woirldng off that Wright's Bar fry-up must be crucial as the winter brings on the woollens season and the corduroy retires to the back of wardrobe.
It must be a great relief to them all to have Mr Coticelli standing on his free gym for all platform - Jack is delighted to see that after so short a time in care of the NHS the 'free at point of use' principle is rubbing of on our trans-Atlantic pals.
Like the blood and semen stained mattress that loiters maliciously in a south London front garden ULU continues to be ignored by many and condemned by all else. This week that organisation's president made his annual pilgrimage to marvel at the greatness of LSE.
With nearly 0.005 percent of the membership's votes behind him Mr Cook plans to use his mandate to inclusively transform something somewhere in Bloomsbury. Jack has heard rumours of a gym at ULU...perhaps Mr Coticelli could investigate?
Mr Upstart again continued his one man campailgn, only slightly less optimistic than a sternly worded letter from the LSESU bringing peace to the Middle East. Fortunately Mr Carter's RentaMob™ were on hand to quell the uprising, but most notable was the silence of left and centre - clearly the Teflon Treasurer is beyond reproach; at least with elections so close.
The fine people of the left have mysteriously failed to organise a candidate to challenge Maggie to the Throne of Honorary President; Jack has been assured this was an administrative error. And they want to run the world! Perhaps they co\ild start smaller, perhaps run Ipswich for a while and see how it works out?
Jack is torn between that rare pleasure of a victory for R.O.N and the possibility of the iron lady, handbag in toe, being hoisted onto the old theatre stage to accept her victory, one can only dream. It should also be noted that Mrs T was singularly responsible for denying us the GLC building, this saving us from the indignity of the south bank, surely an act worthy of such recognition.
This column cannot end without a special note: for this week marks the last UGM appearance of Mr Mark D Power as Executive Editor of this fine organ. Tears, weeping and the throwing of flowers were mysteriously absent from this tragic event. Jacks past and present would like to thank him for being such an easy source of derision and patient editor, ¦: . ^ i,
News
The Beaver
26 October 2004
ULU President Cooke gets a roasting at UGM
Adrian Li
At Thursday's UGM, University of London Union (ULU) President Matt Cooke outlined plans for the "transformation" of the organisation.
However, he was met with hostility and scepticism by many in attendance.
Although the meeting overwhelmingly voted to allow the President to speak, Cooke's performance was seen as nervous and unsure.
Standing with his hands in his pocket, the youthful-looking sabbatical officer was taunted by LSE students with a question regarding his mandate to represent, given the low turnout.
He was also subjected to a bout of laughter when the audience was told that he had graduated from the Royal Academy of Music, prompting one student to shout "sing us a song."
Responding to the former question, Cooke was upfront with his audience. He explained that of 130,000 potential votes, he had received around 700.
Speaking to The Beaver after his ordeal, Cooke admitted that it had been his first time at the UGM and that he had not even been an observer before. Of his audience at the UGM, the President said; "I don't think people there wanted to listen."
In the interview, Cooke also
took issue with an editorial in last week's issue of The Beaver, saying it was unfair because his vision for the transformation of ULU would "take time" and that it wasn't "sexy stuff". He added that when the results of the transformation come into fruition, with the new University of London (UL) Student Centre and the restructuring of the ULU government, one would be able to see the transformation.
In addition, Cooke suggested that the hostile reception he received highlighted the real need for the transformation. He said he felt ULU needed to end "50 years of compromise to please everyone" which would not work and since nothing sustainable could be achieved with such a posture. Cooke stressed that "What we are trying to do is to change it".
In the interview, Cooke tried to clarify what he had attempted to say at the UGM. He admitted that with the total size of the student population at UL standing at 130,000, ULU could no longer attempt to function as a Students' Union.
Instead, concrete plans to bring ULU up-to-date were underway and would include the refit of the Malet Street building itself. The aim would be to create a UL Student Centre with University of London services brought under one roof.
Both the Careers Service and the Accommodation Office will

Cooke struggled to answer calls to
be re-housed into the fourth floor of the building.
At attempt will also be made to make better use of the existing space. The office of London Student newspaper, for example, is currently in the former kitchen of what used to be staff flats in the Malet Street building.
Another change Cooke described was to bring in specialist student services like NGOs and student support organisa-
explain ULU's relevance to LSE students. / Photo; Mark Donahue
tions that address issues such as • student health and welfare into the new UL Student Centre to provide a place where students could come to seek advice or help. This result would be to make ULU more "world class" in its approach to student services, rather than relying on services already widely available.
Funding for ULU, always a contentious issue and one which was raised by members of the
UGM audience, was another area for which Cooke promised sweeping change.
Plans are underway to introduce a system where the size of individual contributions to ULU from universities will depend on how many ULU services the Students' Unions sign up for. The new set-up will require colleges to 'buy into' ULU and allow them to choose the nature of their membership.

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The Beav^ 26 Octt^er 2004
LSE Garrick del.ayed by structural problem Brief News
Manchester drive
Kheng Lim and Nastaran Tavakoli-Far
The LSE's new eating establishment, The Garrick, is set to open on 22 November, after a delay of a few weeks due to "unforeseen structural problems".
Speaking to The Beaver, LSE Students' Union Treasurer, Gareth Carter said that the "structural problems" referred to the recent collapse of The Garrick's ceiling and wiring. Carter also admitted that the building generally had been in bad condition.
£1.4 million has been spent so far on the Garrick, with £1 million of this amount having been donated by LSE alumni Mario Francescotti and the remaining £400,000 being paid for by the School.
The Garrick is on the site of the old Columbia Bar, which many LSE students will remember, was an establishment selling up-market alcohol to its mainly office-going clientele.
The venue's new name was inspired by Francescotti, who once ran a restaurant in Garrick Street, near Leicester Square.
According to the LSE, a wide range of sandwiches, snacks and drinks will be sold on the ground floor and similar food to that of the Robinson Room, now closed.
•,<	• * •UL
im
COLUMBIA BAR
is now CLOSEO tor
JSS \


m
The LSE Garrick will be the newest addition to the School's catering services. / Photo: Mark Donahue
will be available on the lower floor.
A limited range of alcohol will also be served. Carter said The Garrick would be similar in atmosphere to that of a hot bistro.
The Garrick will have a seating capacity of 220, representing a 25 percent increase over the Robinson Room.
This year represents a major
shift in catering arrangements on campus.
From the beginning of the year, contractors Aramark were ousted from halls, whilst the Robinson Room was closed down.
With the Tuns bar expected to serve food imminently. The Garrick with enhance the School's provision for food and drink even further.
The opening of The Garrick will come as good news for students who have grown used to the intense levels of overcrowding that exists in the current eating outlets around the School.
However, since the Robinson's Room was regarded by many as expensive, some have questioned whether its successor will be any more affordable.
Long-awaited Passfield refurb on the cards?
Mike Fauconnier-Bank
Rents at Passfield, one of only three "budget" halls of residence managed by the LSE, are set to rise under plans to privatise the hall.
The resulting sharp increase in the cost of living for the 190 students housed at Passfield would inopportunely coincide with the introduction of top-up fees throughout the higher education sector.
The School's Residences Management' Committee (RMC) met last week to discuss the option of a Public-Private Partnership between the LSE and Shaftesbury Student Housing, an external organisation.
Under the partnership plans, Passfield will close at the beginning of this summer for one year, allowing a £3.5m refurbishment funded by Shaftesbury, to take place.
When the hall reopens, stu-
dents will face a hike in rents, coupled with 40-week contracts, bringing the cost of living in Passfield in line with High Holbom and Bankside.
Rents at Passfield have remained frozen for the past two years, to compensate for the increasingly dilapidated state of the building. Renovation of the hall has been on the agenda for several years.
The School currently leases the Grade 2 listed building from the University of London. As the leasehold's renewal date approaches, the LSE has found itself under increasing pressure to halt the spiral of decline in the hall's living conditions.
Plans were initially drawn up for an in-house refurbishment, managed and financed by the School. However, a Value for Money study of the scheme, leaked to The Beaver, notes that: "If the LSE chose to finance and undertake the refurbishment.. .it
would expose itself to substantial risk of cost overrun."
The study also revealed that the School would only be willing to invest £2m in the refurbishment solely to cover essential Health & Safety works. This would leave large areas of the hall requiring extensive work.
Rishi Madlani, the Students' Union Residences Officer, told The Beaver that bringing Passfield under private management might be the only option, and said that he had heard the plans being described as "the lesser of two evils".
Madlani was quick to stress that he and Sian Errington, the SU Education and Welfare Sabbatical Officer, both of whom sit on the RMC, were working hard to ensure that Shaftesbury's competence to develop and manage student accommodation is carefully examined.
At the same time, Madlani said that whilst he had been
against the private management of the LSE's Great Dover Street hall when that was proposed, it had "proved itself to be one of the best managed [LSE halls]".
Paul Trivett, Accommodation Officer, indicated that rents under Shaftesbuiy would be considerably lower than if the School was to manage the refurbishment itself.
Trivett went on to explain that increasing the number of low-cost rooms available to students through the School was not on the Accommodation Office's agenda. He also voiced doubts that "budget" halls such as Passfield, Rosebery or Carr-Saunders, could be built in the future.
This paints an uncertain picture for the School and future students, as the cost gap between studying within the capital and studying elsewhere in the country, is set to widen.
German Foreign Minister speaks at LSE
Jonathan Gradowski
Joschka Fischer, Germany's Foreign Minister and Vice-Chancellor, told an audience of 1,000 at the LSE's Peacock Theatre that cooperation among states will be essential if they are to successfully tackle the threats and challenges they will face in the 21st century.
According to Fischer, the Westphalia system, under which states were ephemeral friends and eternal enemies, is dead. The principal threats that states face are no longer other states.
"Does anyone believe that China and the U.S. will go to war in the 21st century?" Fischer asked rhetorically.
One could equally substitute any European state in the place of both China and the U.S., and the answer to his rhetorical question will be the same.
Instead, the common enemy of states is terrorists armed with weapons of mass destruction (WMD). To defeat this amorphous threat, explains Fischer, states need to cooperate. No state acting on its own can curtail the spread of WMD, for example.
Fischer is a staunch advocate of multilateral institutions, notably the U.N. and the E.U.
He was quick to emphasize, however, that he does not support the strengthening^ of either of these institutions as a means to counterbalance or check U.S. power.
Indeed, the United States plays an indispensable role in Fischer's view since "There cannot be world order without the US. It is the only country that can project global power." But then since "neither the US nor Europe alone can defend against the
totalitarian threat of terrorism" they must work together to forge a "strategic consensus".
And there's no better place than the United Nations-the "most important institute of global cooperation"-to forge that consensus since legitimacy flows from agreements brokered there.
Taken together-the United States (power) and the United Nations (legitimacy)-these form the two "pillars" which Fischer identifies as being essential to successfully addressing threats in-the 21st century.
On the day the Queen opened Manchester's merged "super university", now the biggest single-site university in the UK, a £400 million recruitment drive within the institution was announced. Through the merger of the Victoria University of Manchester and the Manchester Institute of Science and Technology (UMIST), the President and vice-chancellor, Alan Gilbert, stated he aspires to achieve an "educational powerhouse." The recruitment drive involves securing the services of five Nobel prize-winners for the university, three of them by 2007.
Vishna Gandhi
New School consultation scheme
The LSE has set up a new programme to increase communication between itself and the student population. The online scheme, called Have Your Say, will accept suggestions or complaints regarding ways to improve school policy. All suggestions will be reviewed by an independent panel, which wUl ; potentially offer cash rewards for implemented idfeas.
JeffBemum
AIDS Campaign
The "Unite to Fight AIDS" speaker tour will call at the LSI! on Tuesday 26th October. Organised by the People and Planet Society, the event; will give young people the chance to speak their mdnds against HIV and AIDS. The speakers will include people from South Africa and Zimbabwe. American AIDS activist commented that "histoiy has shovm us that yotmg people can, and must, be leaders in promoting justice around the globe." Beginning at 6pm in the New Theatre, the event is free and open to all.
Shams Sooltangos
Debate team gets to final
This week an LSE team reached the final of the UCL President's Cup. Avi Zevin and James Kanabar were one of four teams in the final of a tournament that featured a 52 team starting lineup and is widely thought to be the coimtry's most prestigious novice tournament. In the final they opposed a motion to ban research into the genetic origins of homosexuality and presented a case described as "extremely interesting" by Shariq Gilani, LSESU Debate Society Treasxirer. A team from Oxford were the eventual winners in the debate but the LSESU Debate Society's vice-chair Ali Dewji commented, "we're very prbiid of them and we're looking forward to a great year."
Matthew Sinclair
6
News
ULU cube gets cylindrkal filing
Alison Ball
The new University of London Union (ULU) website has ditched a failed website after just one year of operation.
The ULU cube, an interactive interface involving 3-dimensional graphics with hyper-links to sections of the site, was launched amid much fanfare at the beginning of the last academic year. It was supposed to represent the most visible feature of previous ULU President Chris Piper's 'transformation' programme.
However, the decision to change the ULU website from the now defunct www.ulucube.com to simply www.ulu.co.uk was taken because many communal university computers could not support the ulucube site, which required Macromedia Flash Player software to operate it.
The site also proved to be inaccessible for partially sighted students, but the re-launched version aims to address these criticisms.
Student marketing company Head Porter financed the ulucube project in return for contact details of ULU members to seU on to businesses wishing to advertise their 'student friendly' products.
It is ULU's intention to run
banner advertisements to generate revenue on the new site, although this decision has not yet been implemented.
The site is still incomplete and clicking on many links will take you to a blank page. The sister site ululive.com that promotes entertainment at ULU is also unfinished, but details of forthcoming gigs are available and it is possible to buy tickets online.
President of ULU, Matt Cooke, has admitted the site is a work in progress, but has said he is enthused by the goal of the finished project.
The website will eventually include online discussion forums to provide the page designers with the feedback they require to optimise the site for its users, a lesson Cooke says was learned from the failed ulucube site.
In the meantime, critics of the whole debacle have attacked the ULU administration for wasting money and not fully thinking through the ulucube concept.
They argue that ULU and Head Porter should have known that many computers would not have the software neqessary to support the cube.
Some go further and say that in trying 'to be all things to all people', the ulucube website is symptomatic of the problems facing ULU as a whole.
ULU
Use your mouse or keyboard arrow keys to rotate the above cube
The ULU cube design was a short-lived success.
First to fail, Angiia Poly comes last
Andhalib Karim
Angiia	Polytechnic
University (APU) has been the first university to fail the new style government inspection system, set eighteen months ago by the Quality Assurance Agency (QAA), after they were inspected earlier this year.
The QAA finally published their findings last week with the verdict that they had "limited confidence" in APU and that improvement was a matter of urgency. The QAA have demanded an action plan to be drawn up by the University in order for improvements to be monitored every step of the way.
The East-Anglian university, which prides itself for delivering
Jeff Berman
Former Chief Inspector for Schools, Mike Tomlinson, last week armoimced plans for the biggest renovation of the English educational system in over 60 years.
The plans include a shift from the current structure of GCSE and A-Level qualifications to a new four-level diploma system.
It is argued that the new system will give students a better grounding in the basic skills of numeracy, literacy and computing, which employers say are lacking in English teenagers.
Tomlinson also argued that
higher education to an ever wider range of pupils, irrespective of background, now has the pressing task of completely reorganising its management system. In particular, QAA expressed great concerns over the lack of student participation in the governing of the university as this had received key emphasis over the recent years.
QAA had foimd the system in which the university monitors awards and communicates its procedures and policies to students and staff the main cause for concern. After initially deciding to challenge the report, APU are now looking to rectify the problem in view of the second inspection next year which wiU check up on its progress.
students spend too much time preparing for exams, and that this time could be better used for genuine learning. Studies show that between the ages of 16-18, the average student sits about 40 examinations.
Over the course of ten years, the GCSE examination would be abandoned and replaced with internal assessment performed by teachers, although external assessment would continue for the basic skills of English and numeracy.
The AS or A-level system will be renovated to consist of only four units per subject instead of six, and to include the grades A+
However, both the staff and the Students' Union are quick to point out that this judgement does not imply that there are problems with the programme of study, or the APU degree.
When asked about the implications this would have on student recruitment, the Pro-Vice-Chancellor, Lesly Dobree, said that "...they were not questioning the issue aroimd the quality of the academic. It's a quality systems issue"
Determined to hold on to a more positive image, the University's official website continued to promote the qualities of the Polytechnic.
It highlights that the University had recently jumped 21 places in the Sunday Times
and A++, which will hopefully allow universities to pick out the best applicants.
The debate as to whether students should be internally or externally examined looks set to continue, as teachers expressed worries that a move to internal assessment would create more work for staff members.
The Conservative party have indicted that they support the retention of external examination.
Reforms would be expensive to implement, although Tomlinson also stated that over £60 million would be saved on GCSE examiners.
University Guide league tables and are now ranked 92nd in the UK.
The APU Students' Union had also published a special edition issue of their paper Apex in response to the nationwide publication of QAA's findings. In it they stress that, "...in no circumstances [is] your course of a lower standard compared to other higher education institutions in the UK"
So far, the Students' Union, satisfied with the University's plans to solve the problem, is supporting APU. The SU President, Andy Thwaites believes that the way forward is to "invest in student representation through the union."
He also argued that it was cheaper for the government to address the problems of illiteracy now rather than paying for the consequences of an illiterate population later, he told ¦ The Independent newspaper.
Education Secretary Charles Clarke said that the government would respond to the plans in a White Paper next year.
When asked as to how the proposed changes would affect the LSE's admissions process, officials stated that they would review the government's White Paper, but that it was too early to comment on any potential reforms at this time.
The Beaver
26 October 2004
Benchmarks 'to be scrapped'
Charli Bryden
The "benchmarks" for xmi-versities' state school intakes are likely to be scrapped by the government following hostility between academics and ministers.
The increase in targets were set following a report last month from the Higher Education Statistics Agency (HESA), which named and shamed many elite universities for their poor performance in recruiting students from state schools and poor backgrounds.
Cambridge and Oxford were told to increase their intakes to 77% from 68% and 69% respectively.
The universities then claimed that the benchmarks were neither "realistic nor possible". It was argued, that following these new targets would result in of social engineering and would devalue the quality of higher education by being unfair.
The Office for Fair Access (Offa) was set up to act as a watchdog to ensure universities are taking appropriate steps to widen access and participation amongst under-represented groups in society. Universities are set to make individual agreements with OFFA and set their own "milestones" in terms of recruitment of students from poorer backgrounds.
Offa's power lies in the control of bursaries, because it can prevent universities from charging the full top up fee's of £3000 from 2006 and can impose fines of up to £500,000 if universities are not seen to be doing enough to attract the widest range of students possible.
Any future targets set by the government are to be used as guidelines, not quotas.
Martin Harris, the new director of OFFA was keen to state that he wants to work in co-operation with the universities and that he respects the need for "institutional autonomy". The power lies in the universities themselves to make sure that they are attracting poorer students with grants.
When asked if the LSE admissions poUcy will be affected by the guidelines, The Beaver was told, "LSE takes the best students it can - regardless of school or postcode. For the 720 undergraduate places available each year, competition is intense. The standard offer made in 2004 was ABB or higher.
"We believe it is most beneficial to students to offer places at LSE based on a fair and equitable assessment of what they've achieved academically in their individual circumstances compared with their peers and their own merit."
While this is not a new debate, the issue of fairness in higher education will likely continue to be a hot-button topic amongst all involved.
More exam reform on the way

TM
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Analysis'
26 October 2004
'Students and politics'
Will Mac far lane and Gareth Carter on how a cry for an impartial student focus from the Executive has been misinterpreted.
Last week's 'Comment and Analysis' piece that bemoaned the apparent desire of the Sabbaticals to purge all political debate from the Union General Meeting (UGM) missed the point entirely.,
It is not the wish of any student to exist at an institution - famed the world-over for its intellectual rigour and political debate - that foregoes politics in return for a staid, insipid Union. However, the article grossly misunderstood the platforms taken by some of this year's Executive, and painted a bleak, but ultimately false, picture of the future of the Union General Meeting.
Standing on a platform of 'Students, not politics' or describing yourself as a neutral pragmatist does not mean you wish to see the end of all debate; an apolitical Union with a limp UGM. It stands for an impartial Executive, an Executive which believes its job is more than telling every other Union member 'why George Bush is bad', an Executive that believes that running this Union, maintaining this Union and allowing it to be a site of great debate and a conduit for the general will is their job - a job that requires a nonpartisan approach.
LSE students are political, and it would be a crime to depoliticise them and their UGM to the extent that it becomes a languid gathering of hung-over AU members, and an ever-dwindling posse of impotent hacks. SU members are political, and they are free to be so, but the Trustees of this Union must always act with their constituents at heart, servants not dictators to Union policy and handlers of the Union, not highly visible propagandists.
To say that the Sabbatical officers and other elected officials are not accountable, and that the Union relies on our capriciousness is a petulant falsehood, and a statement not worthy of anyone
who has at least a modicum of knowledge about this Union and how it is different, due to the UGM, from all others in this country.
Admittedly, the 'Students, not politics' message has caught on with those who are perhaps thinking of life after the Macfarlanes and Carters who showed its attraction. However, it is the very beauty of our UGM that will see those repeatedly dressing-up on-stage week after week in falsely apolitical clothes found out and exposed.
After all it was through the UGM and The Beaver that the Union's distaste for careerist student politicians was voiced last year, and it was through these channels that that displeasure was converted
into election failure for all those who put petty politicking before the needs of students.
It led to the election of sabbaticals who wiU serve the needs of LSE students not the interests of their current political opinions and long-term political career goals, sabbaticals that will endeavour to improve the experience of every single LSE student throughout the year whether or not we love/hate Ariel Sharon, love/hate the War, or even love/hate spit-roasting.
Finally, it has led to a Sabbatical body that doesn't mind being the targets of a few clumsy side-swipes by confused, ill-informed, embittered and ultimately inconsequential detractors.
'Students not politics' was a key feature of Macfarlane's Gen ijec campaign. He claims that it has been misunderstood.
Axis of Evil idol
That George Bush holds the sole key to the ultimate evil club is wrong, argues John McDermott Give it to Simon Cowell.
Being a staunch and stoic libertarian, I find it a tad difficult to hold much sympathy for the ardent tyrants of our world. Nevertheless, my ire has been steadily stoked by the fundamentally elitist nature of the supposed 'Axis of Evil'.
President Bush, by alienating those states of comparable maliciousness, inevitably goads them into escalating acts of iniquity in a chimeric attempt to become members of this seemingly impenetrable club.
The time is nigh to find a method of selection for this perennially obstreperous gaggle. For as anyone who has ever forgotten their Walkabout 'Swot' card on a Wednesday evening can inform you, exclusion only ever breeds contempt.
But do not fret friends at the insouciance of the Free World, as mercifully, help is at close quarter. Taking a tenuous influence from the increasingly bonkers sphere of reality television I have haphazardly created a selection process entitled "Despot Idol" (based on a working idea termed "Pain Academy").
It works as follows: the leaders of six nation-states - let's say Zimbabwe,
Uzbekistan, Equatorial Guinea, Myanmar, China and Scotland - congregate at Bush's Texan ranch for two weeks in an attempt to persuade a panel of esteemed judges - let's say Colonel Gadaffi, Kofi Annan and Simon Cowell -that they warrant inclusion in the aforementioned 'Axis of Evil'.
In the heated maelstrom of a five-round battle (one leader thus eliminated per roimd) where the stakes are high and human rights standards are low, anything is possible.
Imagine challenge one, wherein potential Evilites are invited to construct an execrable slogan (an 'Axiom of Evil', if you will) that suitably impresses our arbitrators. The more experienced nutters coast through . with such gems as Mugabe's "Food shortages are just a test of will", while the dogged Jack McConnell of Scotland bows out early due to his ill-advised "We're not really that evil it's the English you should be after".
Further eliminations swiftly follow in examinations testing faculties ranging from venality to recalcitrance in the face of attempted coup d'etats.
In the end, China and Equatorial
Guinea face oft in the final tete a tete which surprisingly ends in victory for President Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbafogo when the Chinese leaders break down in tears when the nefarious Cowell remarks that perhaps "you're just a little small to be really evil".
In an age where national intelligence is as reliable as a Wright's Bar bap I can think of no more efficient way to weed out malevolence from our ever-more rumbustious world.
The Beaver
2nd Floor, East Buitding LSE Students' Union London WC2A 2AE email: thebeaver@lse.ac.uk
EXECUTIVE EDITOR Mark Power
MANAGING EDITOR Ben Chapman
BUSINESS MANAGER Olivia Mantle
NEWS EDITORS Chris Heathcote; Prashant Rao
BUNK EDITOR Matthew Sinclair
B;ART EDITOR Carolina Bunting
SPORTS EDITORS Louise Hastie; Paul McAleavey
GRAPHICS EDITOR James Upsher
FILM EDITORS Sarah Coughtrie; Dani Ismail
MUSIC EDITORS Matt Boys; Ben Howarth
LITERARY EDITOR Ion Martea
THEATRE EDITOR Keith Postler
FINE ART EDITOR Caroline Bray
BzABOUT EDITOR	' ^
Joanne Lancaster ; ; 'r VI ^
THE COLLECTIVE
James Alien, Tracy Alloway, Alison Ball, Hestor Barsham, Jay Bassan, Morwenna Bennett, Matthias Benzer, Jeff Berman, Sian Beynon, Alison : Blease, Jess Brammar, Kate Burke, Ed Calow, ^ Gareth Carter, Simon Chignell, Brian Choudhary, Sal Chowdhury, Joanna Clarke, Simon Cliff, Dave Cole, Naomi Colvin, Chloe Coolc, Owen Coughlan, Jon de Keyser, Kanan Dhru, Laura Dollin, Jan Duesing, Sian Errington, James Eyton, Mike Fauconnier-Bank, Daniel Freedman, Juli Gan, Vishna Gandhi, Alex Goddard, Ceri Griffiths, Nazir Hussain, Nawaz Imam, Stacie Ishmael, Tom Jenkins, Angus Mulready-Jones, Sam .Jones, Laurence Kavanagh, Joel Kenrick, Paul Kirby, Khaiyani Kumaran, Aeden Lake, Adrian Li, Kheng Lim, Van Lim, Elaine Londesborough, Will Macfarlane, Kim Mandeng, James Meadway, Amy Morgan, Samantha Nicklin, Justin Nolan, Trina O'Driscoll, Neel Patel, Eliot Poliak, Adam Quinn, Saima Qureshi, Loretta Reehill, Matt Rushworth, Noam Schimmel, Olivia Schofield, Jai Shah, Elliot Simmons, Nick Spurrell, Jimmy Tam, NasTavakoli-Far, Sarah Taylor, Chenai Tucker, Alykhan Velshi, Alex Vincenti, Ellie Vyras, Greta_ Wade, Jane Wakiwaka, Claudia Whitcomb, Matt Willgress, Ruksana Zaman.
PRINTED BYTHE NORTHCLIFFE PRESS
If you have written three or more articles for The Beaver and your name does not appear in the Collective, please email thebeaver@lse.ac.uk and you will be added to the list in next week's paper.
The Beaver is available in alternative formats.
The Beaver
26 October 2004
Comment & Analysis
9
The Beaif^er
_Comment
Fund more halls
The absence of any new budget accommodation for LSE students in the pipeline is a lamentable loss, particularly with the demise of Passfield as a provision for students from less advantaged backgrounds.
The provision of hall places at Drury Lane at the upper end of the market is justifiable if it remains a small part of the residences strategy, but there are two major problems with introducing this on a major scale. The first is the obvious lack of accommodation provision for poorer students.
Rosebery Hall remains good value for money, as does the much smaller Carr-Saunders, but beyond that, choice is limited to inter-collegiate halls. The second major problem is that it ghettoises wealthier and poorer students into their own halls, and also creates a divide between home and international students given that the former are more likely to come from lower income back-groimds than fee-paying international students.
The fact that Paul Trivett could not foresee the School constructing another Rosebery is unfortunate, because this hall is a model London residence. It
combines both higher quality and more expensive rooms with better facilities, with more standard halls rooms in one complex which is sensibly designed and enjoys fxmctional and accessible communal areas. Its population is also well balanced between postgraduates and undergraduates.
The School's budget constraints are an understandable problem, but residences like Rosebery should be a higher priority for alumni and sponsorship donations than prestige projects like the Student Services Centre. LSE halls like Holbom and Bankside can be very bad at engendering an inclusive and welcoming atmosphere to the LSE for new students. The proposed developments which are low on communal space do little to combat this in their design.
On the positive side, it is encouraging that the LSE administration is actively looking at ways to resolve over-sub-scription to residences and provide extra capacity, particularly in light of Council's discussions about increasing numbers. It is unfortunate that more Roseberys are not the planned fillers for that gap.
Blackwell's bargain
The decision by Blackwell's to extend their discount scheme's time limit in order to accommodate students who may not have been able to purchase, or may not have received their books from Waterstone's, illustrates the ability of the Students' Union and this newspaper to influence and lobby for change on behalf of students.
Waterstone's failure to reply or to adapt their policy can be seen as symptomatic of their poor value as an on-campus
provider.
As the NatWest episode has shown, students will transfer their business to better services off-campus and those stores on-campus who continue to take their customer bases for granted will do so at their peril. Despite attempts to bully and suppress articles criticising Waterstone's, this paper's coverage of the store has resulted in a real gain and improvement for students from a competitor. Good news all round.
The Cooke crumbles
ULU President Matt Cooke's appearance at the UGM this week did little to rescue the organisation's plummeting reputation at the LSE. The truth is, it has all been said before. ULU presidents have always promised to make their institution more accountable and effective. Several years ago the direct election of ULU sabbaticals was introduced as a radical move to tranform democractic participation in the Union. The turn out is pathetic by any standards.
Cooke would be better advised to quietly get on with the job, rather than spending his time tiying to put a brave
face on a failing organisation. Instead of slagging his critics off as ill-informed, he should leam the lessons from history himself. ULU has been here before, and it did not change or improve for the better because the electorate does not care enough to engage and hold the officers to account. After half a year in a hopeless job, they always see the end in sight and stop caring themselves. Cooke may be right, he may break the mould, and good luck to him if he does.
The transformation of ULU is a huge task, and this newspaper has a pessimistic view as to whether it is worth it for LSE students.
Letters to the Editor
The Beaver offers all readers the right to reply to anything that appears in the paper. Letters should be sent to thebeaver.editor@lse.ac.uk, and should be no longer than 250 words. Letters may be edited prior to publication. The deadline for submission is 3pm on the Sunday prior to publication.
Sir,
I reply to your ill-conceived and outdated editorial 'ULose waste' last week.
ULU requires transformation, not a miracle.
The transformation of ULU into the University of London Student Centre (ULSC) has three stages:
i.	Converting wasted space in our 1950's building into efficient areas for development responding to the student needs and numbers of today and tomorrow.
ii.	Moving the student services (Careers and Accommodation) of the UL into the building and ULU offices into the underused south wing.
iii.	Creating specialist student support centres of excellence on floors 2 and 3. Possibly including Postgraduate, International and Healthcare student centres, an equalities and faith centre and space for leading external student support and development organisations to work with and alongside all student unions and colleges across London.
Phases 1 and 2 should be completed by the end of 2005, phase 3 will develop over this time and members consulted on their needs and ideas for the ULSC. We will remain student led, directed and openly democratic.
I must also mention our current provision of over 80 sports clubs and societies, award-winning campaigns, international size swimming pool, gym and sports centre, student shops, 3 bars, club velvet and 'the live room' gig venue.
We are also reviewing our governance to acknowledge the need for change and demands of the future.
In regards to our street festival, had you engaged with our objectives for the event, you would have understood its success. We were disappointed it rained and that this kept people away, but our aim is for an ailnual festival which brings the community together, welcomes new and returning students to London and represents something a bit different to our members.
Relationships developed with external organisations over the festival will have lasting and immediate positive repercussions on ULU. We want the concept to develop over time and professional evaluation, already proving very positive, means we can ensure next year's event will be bigger and better.
To achieve and effect lasting change requires bold leadership, but it also requires time, vision and calculated risk.
What has your editorial done to promote a positive future of ULU or to contribute to its continued development and commitment to becoming a relevant presence in the lives of LSE students? Very little.
ULU has a dedicated staff and officers who believe in the organisation and its potential to be the leading student resource in the
capital and I, for one, am veiy proud to be its President.
Matt Cooke ULU President
Dear Editor,
The LSE Stop the War Coalition wishes to make pubhc its position regarding recent events in Iraq, following recent debates in The Beaver and what has filled all our newspapers this week. Firstly, the LSE Stop the War Coalition committee wishes to wholeheartedly condemn the kidnapping of aid worker Margaret Hassan.
We join with many religious, political and other groups who opposed the war on Iraq who also call for her immediate release; just as we joined with the Muslim Council of Britain in their bid to get the release of the late Ken Bigley. It seems that she is a wonderful woman who has done much for the people of Iraq and aid agencies must continue to be allowed to do their work following decades of crippling sanctions and war.
We also believe that such kidnappings will continue, as will the tragic loss of both civilian and military lives, whilst an illegal occupation of Iraq is maintained. On Thursday Geoff Hoon agreed to a British troop re-deployment which even the official Opposition spokesman have said may be more about saving George Bush than anything else.
The Guardian is quite right to editorialise in favour of vote in the Commons and consultation of the whole Cabinet on this issue - too often in the 'war on terror' our democracy has been sidelined. But this is not enough. Reacting to the news of the troop redeployment, John McDonnell MP said: "There has been no parliamentary approval for this further military involvement in Iraq. We are walking into another Vietnam."
We agree with this statement; whilst the US/UK forces remain in Iraq, then not only wiU these tragic incidents continue to occur, but there can be no real democracy, peace or freedom in Iraq. The Iraqi people need genuine, free elections ran in a way they agree, not at the behest of the US govenmient.
The LSE Stop the War Coalition Committee.
Sir,
In response to the article in The Beaver entitled 'The Classical Selection', I would like to point out the following points.
The author observed 'Now, I am no fan of Brahms at the best of times, but Brahms for cello? It was far too bizarre! Even despite my distaste for Brahms, the line-up seemed so odd and imbalanced: if romantic music was the order of the day, why not go for the ultimate romantic cello music and play Elgar?' Firstly, Brahms wrote
extensively for cello: the two Cello sonatas; the Double Concerto in A minor for Violin, Cello and Orchestra, and the three trios for piano, violin and cello, to name but a few.
Secondly, most academic sources identify the Romantic period of classical music from being between (approximately) 1820 and 1900. Brahms lived between 1833 and 1897. He learned his trade from the music of Beethoven, the original early Romantic; and he was described by both Robert and Clara Schumann as the person who will bring the development of Germanic music into the modern, romantic age. Surely his life encapsulates Romanticism: ask anyone who knows something about music to name a romantic composer, and his name would be used in the same sentence as Tchaikovsky and Mahler.
Finally, I also believe that your writers should not be criticising a performer's programming, simply because that particular writer dislikes one composer or another. A performance must be taken on its own merit, and not on the musical prejudices of a particular writer, whose understanding of what constitutes romanticism is somewhat misguided.
Matthew Downes (Govenmient and History, 3rd Year: National Youth Orchestra of Wales.)
Dear Sir,
I found News Editor Chris Heathcote's article 'US bars intellectual with Islamic name' in the 19 October 2004 edition of The Beaver to be of a standard less than is usually found in the Beaver.
In the fourth paragraph, Heathcote states "...US officials repeatedly infuriated Hassan by way of their ineptitutde and lack of compassion..." I am under the impression that as News Editor, and since the article was in the News section of the newspaper and not the editorial section, that Mr Heathcote should strive to refrain from injecting his own opinion in the article and report as objectively as possible.
This passage is not a quote from Mr Hassan (or anyone else) nor are the actions by US officials given any possible justification. Instead, their "ineptitude and lack of compassion" is stated as a matter of fact.
Though their actions may have indeed been misguided, surely they had justification for their actions, even if that justification did not merit said actions.
At the very least, Mr Heathcote should have been more objective in his reporting and not stated his opinion as a matter of fact.
Matthew Dicker

>lnild blink
26 October 2004
Law
Law Correspondent: Alykhan Velshi (a.velshi@lse.ac.uk)
bll—.1 ^ imK
Editor: Matthew Sinclair (thebeaver.biinlc@lse.ac.uk)
Law
The struggle between the HRA and human rights
"The heart of this struggle contains the issue of certain anti-terrorism legislation contravening rights set out by the convention."
pg. n
Features
Sinner of Winner?
"Anyone who has ever been to Oxford Circus has met Phil. He will have tried to convert you, to direct you dovm the path of enlightenment, as you head into or out of Topshop on a Saturday afternoon."
pg 12
Sex: yes please. Oh sorry, I'm at the LSE.
"LSE graduate students are the epitome of asexual beings,"
Politics
Candidate Howard would beat'President'Blair
"If we were to elect our Prime Minister next year in a straight American style run-off between Mr Blair and Michael Howard, Mr Blair would be a goner."
pg. 13
Are you a psychopath?
"I don't believe people who go to work for corporations are psychopaths."
pg.14
Interpreting for the ESF
"We are not anti-globalists; such words are terribly misleading."
pg.15
Dream that another world is possible
"I exchanged views with a Greek trade unionist on the situation of public services in Europe."
pg.18
International
Focus on Kuwait
"I woke up the next day and saw tanks rolling across the streets."
Why are we here?
"Studying abroad is thought to be an enlightening experience for many."
pg.17
blink would like to sincerely apologise for miscrediting two articles in last week's paper, 'Not Exactly Democratic' was written by Hattie Lamb, and 'Democracy Emerges' by Kara Sdntokie.
Why we need Human Rights



Sui-Jim Ho responds to Andrew Goldfinch's article attacking the concept of human rights.
Before I begin, I think it is helpful to summarise Andrew Goldfinch's key arguments in his article "There are no Human Rights" published last week. He argues that the universal concept of human rights does not exist because it is rooted in natural law and it would be ignorant to universalise the human experience and claim that there is an objective standard of human rights. However, we, as a society, are free to create whatever legal rights we want, and these rights will reflect our own subjective values. Human rights as a subjective value is undesirable because it is "widely perceived" to offer more protection to the criminal than the victim.
Firstly, whether the concept of human rights is rooted in natural law or otherwise, we cannot ignore the fact that human rights make a real difference to the lives of ordinary people around the world. Goldfinch contends that "to say we 'ought' to do such and such is an unconscious attempt to impose one's value-judgements onto another". Are we going to allow dissidents to be tortured in Egypt or minorities to be persecuted in China or political opponents to be attacked in Zimbabwe simply because the rights to life and to be free from torture are our own subjective standards and people in those countries do not cherish the same values? The answer is a resounding no. The concept of human rights is not about imposing our values on other people; it is about setting a common, minimum standard for all of humanity. Professor Prancesca Klug points out that it is not impossible to distil common values from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights even if you look at it from the non-liberal and non-Westem perspectives of Islam, Confucianism or Socialism: the three distinct values she identified are dignity, equality and community.
'We must remember that the litmus test of humanity ultimately lies in the treatment of the most unpopular, and often most vulnerable, members of society.'
Secondly, while whether the general public think the concept of human rights is undesirable simply because it is "widely perceived" to offer more protection to the criminal than the victim is debatable, we cannot ignore the fact that often people who are considered or suspected criminals can end up being victims themselves. For instance, according to statistics published last year, nearly 700 people have died in police custody since 1990. What these numbers mean we will never know because investigations of deaths in custody are ineffective, secretive, slow and insufficiently independent.
Further, one consequence of 9/11 is the politicisation of fear, resisting in the rise of civil libertarian exclusivism: our freedoms are only for us and not for others. Throughout modern history, the others have been women, Blacks, Communists, unionists, Irish and the list goes on. Now, we can add asylimi seekers, foreign terrorist suspects, or simply, Muslims to the list. Our anti-terrorist laws, which targets only foreigners or foreign-born citizens, are dangers in themselves, creating a climate in which only racism, xenophobia and Islamophobia will flourish. It is against this background that the protection of human rights of everyone becomes more crucial. We must remember that the litmus test of humanity ultimately lies in the treatment of the most unpopular, and often most vulnerable, members of society.
Thirdly, I agree with Goldfinch that the concept of human rights have been manipulated to become "more imperialistic than
liberating". Measures taken as part of the supposed war on terror have had adverse impacts both on international and domestic human rights. It is indeed ironic that in order to make the world more secure, the US and its allies have sought to undermine the best form of security that exists and that is the rule of law. From Guantanamo Bay to the mass killings in Iraq and Afghanistan, life has not been made better Take the status of women in Afghanistan for example: under the Taliban regime, if you showed an inch of flesh, you knew you would be punished. Now, no matter where you are and what you do, you are likely to be abducted, attacked, forcibly married, or raped.
We cannot let the concept of human rights be distorted and desecrated any further. We must not believe that the intervention in Iraq is about human rights and establishing democracy. We did not bomb their cities, kill their people, and steal their oil for liberty and freedom. We must not let human rights be used as an agent of destruction by irresponsible politicians and fanatical warmongers.
Our current security agenda is myopic because it has overlooked the real sources of insecurities that confront people globally: corrupt judiciaries and repressive governments, the illegal sale of small arms (the real WMD which kill half a million people every year), poverty (a billion people live on less than $1 a day while we spend $2 a day in Europe to subsidise a cow), preventable diseases, access to clean water, and nimierous other social problems.
Sceptics argue that these standards are unattainable illusions. I beg to differ. Inadequacy of the enforcement of international human rights standards is to blame for our current situation. If new resources can be directed to security and counter-terrorism agencies, where are the funds to set up a coherent programme to meet the social needs of poor and marginalised groups?
We live in a dangerous world, but real security can only come through respect of human rights and the rule of law. We could live in fear or we could transform ours fears into courage in protecting our rights. As the Manic Street Preachers eloquently put it: If we tolerate this, your children will be next...
The Beaver 3§^9^IkP*2004
blink
XI
Law
Law Correspondent; Alykhan Velshi (a.velshi@ise.ac.uk)

Confusingly, there are in the subject of Law two Europes, not one. The first being the European Union, where laws and judgements are binding. The second legal Europe is the Council of Europe, an international body that is entirely separate from the European Community. By far the most important legal initiative of the Council of Europe is the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR). While the United Kingdom has been bound by ECHR as a matter of international law since the early 1960s, the terms of the ECHR were incorporated into domestic law only in 2000,- when the Human Rights Act came into force. The HRA is a Bill of rights which incorporates Convention rights into the UK's domestic law, which are fundamental as the State may interfere with them only in strictly limited circumstances. These Convention rights include the right to life; freedom from torture; freedom from slavery and servitude; liberty; a fair trial; privacy; freedom of thought, conscience, and religion; freedom of expression; freedom of peaceful assembly and association; as well as others. The Human Rights Act plays a similar role in respect of the ECHR to that played by the European Community Act in respect of the European Community. However, the comparison ends there as the terms of the domestic incorporation of the ECHR are significantly different from those contained in the ECA, as the ECHR law is not binding. The role of the Htunan Rights Act is to protect and secure an individual's human rights. However, in many ways the Human Rights Act has a struggle in protecting the rights of individuals.
Firstly, the legal relationship between Convention rights and the doctrine of legislative supremacy is governed by sections 3 and 4 of the HRA, which means that whenever possible courts must endeavour to interpret statute (whenever enacted) so as to be in conformity with Convention rights. However, the final decision rests with Parliament, and if Parliament decides not to amend or to repeal a provision that has been declared by a court to be incompatible with a Convention right, so be it. Thus, the Human Rights Act has been ingeniously and carefully designed so as to introduce into English public law fundamental rights without disturbing the doctrine of legislative supremacy. However, by not hurting the legal supremacy of Parliament, its role in protecting human rights is being eroded, as it enables Parliament to make laws which may infringe human rights. The on-going struggle between the Anti-Terrorism Acts in the UK and the Himian Rights Act illustrates this. S. 57 of the Anti-Terrorist Act states that a suspected terrorism can be charged without trial, which contravenes
'By not hurting the legal supremacy of Parliament its role in protecting human rights is being eroded, as it enables Parliament to make laws which may infringe human rights;
Article 6 of HRA which provides the right to have a fair trial. In the AXY case. Parliament favoured the government and decided that the courts could not intervene. Hence, the fact that the HRA is not binding means that human rights cannot be totally protected and therefore Parliament can infringe human rights.
Secondly a considerable amount of anti-terrorism legislation contravenes a great deal of the Human Rights Act, and after the 9/11 incident. National Security is becoming fundamentally more important. However as well as infringing Article 6, anti-terrorism laws also infringe other himian rights, set out in the HRA, which means that human rights aren't being secured. For instance recent anti-terrorism legislation sets out that certain groups such as the IRA, ILA, both of which are two representative parliamentary groups in the UK, are illegal. However, this conflicts with Article 11 of the HRA, the right for people to join "prescribed" organisation. The Home Secretary, David Blunkett, has also proposed surveillance telephone tapping and eaves dropping of suspected terrorists, all of which contravene the right to privacy. Other priorities are seen to be more important than human rights.
Leading on from this, with a domineering executive such as the Labour Cabinet over Parliament, it is no wonder that the HRA is condemned and ignored. With Blair's executive becoming more influential over Parliament politicians such as David Blunkett can make laws more easily with disregard for the HRA, which means lesser protection of rights. The AXY case clearly illustrates that Parlianient is more under the influence of the government rather than the courts and legislation. The fact the UK has an uncodified and flexible constitution means that documents such as the HRA can be ignored, and therefore it allows laws to be easily altered.
Tlie Struggle between the Human Rights Act and human rights
Ruby Bhavra argues that the European Convention on Human Rights cannot properly defend citizens against the activites of invasive government.
In addition, the fact the HRA is not binding and the UK has an uncodified constitution, allows the courts to interpret language with Acts such as the Human Rights Act, particularly if it is simply a convention. The R v A (No. 2) case conveys that section 3 of the Act is open to many interpretations, and the courts are able to play with words. This can cause problems as it may lead to implicitly infringing convention rights. Thus, legislation to protect human rights is not secure and stable in the UK's legal system.
Furthermore, the HRA does not guarantee all the rights that a citizen might expect. For instance, it does not stipulate a right to silence. Before 1993, the majority in the UK had a right to silence, however this was abolished by Michael Howard. Many argue that this a fundamental right and should be guaranteed by the Human Rights Act, and therefore it does not guarantee all the rights required by individuals.
Moreover, there are many rights in the convention which conflict with one another, which poses the question which right is more important than the other. In a rape case, the judge had relations with a claimant, which clearly contravenes Article 6 that everyone is guaranteed a fair trial. However, there is also the right to present your own case. Hence, the conflict between which convention right is more important than the other widens the problem the HRA has in securing necessary human rights.
In conclusion, the struggle between the Human Rights Act and human rights seems to be growing. The heart of this struggle contains the issue of certain anti-terrorism legislation contravening rights set out by the convention. In December 2001, Justice Collins was successful in attempting to overturn David Blunkett's proposed anti-Terrorism legislation, however the issue of national security has become more fundamental over the years, and as a consequence judges have been more imsuccess-ful when advising the government not to implement such laws. Furthermore, which is more important: human rights, or national security? Problems concerning the Human Rights Act do not stop there: with judges getting more involved with politics. Article 6 provision of an independent and fair trial is being eroded. The main weakness of the HRA is the fact that it is not binding. However, if it was, then the Human Rights Act would prevail over law made in Parliament, which would upset democracy as it undermines Parliamentary sovereignty. If the HRA is to be more successful, then it either needs to have a binding effect, or what the UK needs perhaps is its own bill of rights. Perhaps then politicians may have more regard for human rights than they do now.
Satanism
on the High Seas
Matthew Sinclair
Chris Craimier, Royal Navy leading hand, has become the first British serviceman to be granted recognition as a Satanist and the right to practice satanic rituals. His captain is a tolerant sort and accepted the right of Mr. Cranmer to practice any religion he might choose.
Satanism in its practiced form is not a matter of believing in salvation through a devil or any other such belief system; it is more of a convicted atheism. Rather than the elegant moral codes of the humanists or the general purpose agnostic ("I don't believe but I still care") Satanists believe that there is no God so we'd do best to steal a march on all the poor saps who limit their options to appease a fictional father figure. This is the essence of Anton LaVey's Satanic bible, the text which converted Mr. Cranmer ("I then read more and more and came to realise I'd always been a Satanist, Just simply never knew"). As far as well-known celebrities go the best Satanists can do is Jayne Mansfield, described by the Internet Movie Database as "a sort of poor man's Marilyn Monroe"; she was quite a star in the sixties.
If Satanism is just a philosophical heiuristic rather a full belief system, however, then why would the Navy need to grant time for rituals? There are stories of some fairly gruesome Satanic rituals recently, mostly involving horses, basically you just cut things six times, sixty six times or go for the full six huhdr^ and sixty six. Equally a Satanist who's never sacrificed a virgin is a pretty poor excuse as far as I'm concerned.
For the Eoyal Navy to be a true equal opportunities employer it will need to do somewhat better than just giving the man quiet time; they need to support him in expressing his religious beliefs. Horse transport has not been a serious issue for the Navy since soldiers were taught dressage and might be quite an adjustment. Equally providing virgins will require a return to good old Navy traditions of press ganging; people Mck up such a fuss over being abducted for the armed services nowadays.
Recognising minor religions could end colourfully. Accommodate a doomsday cult and before you know it you're a member of the axis of evil; the Taliban suffered for their tolerance. Let Shinrikyo cultists onboard and it might be best not to tolerate the nerve gases.
12

.The Beaver
26 October 2004
Features
Features Correspondent: Tracy AMoway (t.alloway@lse.ac.uk)


Sinner or Winner?
Is Oxford Street's evangelist preacher a dangerous lunatic or merely an eccentric with a message? Ben Chapman went to find out.
A
re we going the right way, or the wrong way?
That's why Jeeeesus came into the world, to show us the right way to go, and to turn the sinners into winners.
Anyone who has ever been to Oxford Circus has met Phil. Or Terry, or Keith, as he has also been referred to. He will have tried to convert you, to direct you down the path of enlightenment, as you head into or out of Topshop on a Saturday afternoon, and you will no doubt have chuckled to yourself, or inwardly told him to give it a rest.
Phil (as he introduced himself to me) is the tracksuited Liverpudlian street preacher who, for the last five years at least, has spent sixteen hours per day, every day, barking into his megaphone and annoying the merry hell out of his 'flock': the sinning 'shopaholics' of Oxford Street.
It was with some apprehension that I approached Phil, on The Beaver's behalf, for a chat. After all, this is the man who, my prior research had told me, used to believe he was a werewolf, and would beg police on full moons to lock him up. This is a man with a nasty reputation for threatening to beat up those who dispute his message.
"People always lie about you," he told me over coffee, yards from his usual tarmac pulpit. "What I'll do is I'll challenge [those who confront me]...They might say something like 'I'll knock you out', so I'll say 'You'll not be knocking any scouser out'...They might see that as a threat."
I couldn't detect any violence in Phil whilst talking to him but he looked at me throughout talking about his views and background with an intensity that belies a firm commitment to his beliefs. I can well believe the stories of scuffles in the middle ofOxford Street with a bunch of pacifist Hare Krishnas. The police were called, apparently.
Phil claims to have begun preaching twelve years ago, when he "just realised" that, as a Christian, he had to get out on the streets and change society.
"Individuals should've been their own creative people. That's how man was designed - to be his own creative person. But what society does is brainwash you into a system that tells you how to think, and you just end up copying everybody else's phrases."
The sentiment seemed somewhat hjfpo-critical coming from a man who had, five minutes' previously, reeled off "God is like Woolworth's - He's well worth it", but upon talking to Phil, it became immediately clear that this is a man who is, albeit somewhat misguided, certainly not' stupid. There is an obvious spark of creativity in his preaching - a poetic ability that he can conjure from thin air.
This is a man who preaches outside Sunderland Football Club and tells the fans to "seek the real Stadium of Light in Heaven", and tells Southampton supporters that "God wants [them] all to be Saints". Whilst on the street, he draws inspiration from the radio to which he is constantly wired, chiming "Where is the love? Why not listen to the guidance from above". Immediately upon mentioning this paper's title, he fired back that he was "the retriever" - bringing people back from sin.
Upon closer inspection, however, the contradictions become clear. He condemns modem society, and the economic system that prevails in the West, and urges people to break from the crowd and escape. Yet, his ability to "work full time for God" comes, he claims, thanks to a number of offshore investments he made years ago whilst ruiming his own timber business. How can he rationalise the two?
"I did it differently. I took a little small business and turned it from a £50 per week business into a multi-million pound business."
So presumably capitalism's ok, as long as you're utilising your creative side.
It's fair to say I was a little dubious about Phil's 'investments'. He certainly doesn't have the look or feel of someone clued in to the intricacies of the world's financial markets, though it's true that he has to feed himself somehow. In any case, it's not something he would elaborate on, so I left it at that.
"God is like Woolworth's - He's well worth it."
He first came to London to preach in 1997, after the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, and worked criticisms of her into his 'conversations'.
"To me, she was a lousy role model. She had £26million in her bank book while the Third World kids were starving. Now someone who genuinely cares is not going to sit on £26million, when she's seen them Third World kids starving. Diana went in for three days; then went back to her sixteen holidays a year."
Perhaps his most controversial statements, however, were saved for the government and, perhaps a little surprisingly, immigration policy.
"They're bringing all these Eastern Europeans over. What they're doing is they're flooding the nation with all these Eastern European people. And what they're telling me, these Eastern Eiu-opeans, is what they're going to do is get themselves on the tax list for the year, then go home and get their children, then they get free flats and go on the dole and just milk the system."
Thinking this a strange sentiment for a committed Christian to make, I asked Phil why he took issue with a rich Western country aiding those trying to make a better life for themselves. He suggested that by controlling immigration more tightly, money could be saved from not having to pay out for benefits, which could then be gifted directly to the countries concerned.
"To me that's more sensible than to flood your capital, which is expanding at a phenomenal rate every year. Last year they reported crime is tremendously on the increase - three million unreported crimes in London alone. So this place is getting too chocker."
And so we get to his central purpose: to make London the safest capital in the world, by encouraging the young to forget material interests, and to turn to spiritual endeavours in their place.
"They need to realise that there is another world to go to. We all have a judgement day. We all stand before in wonder, and have to give an account of how we've lived. When you leave this world you get graded. You have a short life, to achieve your eternal spiritual grade.
"If we're going to change Britain, change young people, then you got to change the hub of your society, otherwise you'll just be known when you die as another generation who failed."
It was obvious from watching Phil after the interview that he means what he says about the yoimg. He periodically addresses his barrage directly to those who pass him, and to those who, rather unfortunately, end up stranded on his traffic island when the lights change. He told one group of teenage girls that they were "naughty", while accusing one young man of "swearing and gossiping". If your heart is filled with love, according to Phil, this is something you do not do.
It is easy to label people like Phil as 'religious idiots', 'extremists', or as being mentally unbalanced. Though possibly the latter, I do not believe he is either of the first two. He is a man with a particular, but largely unharmful, take on the world not shared by the majority, but his right to express it is unquestioned. His intentions, on the whole, are good.
He acknowledges that not everyone will be receptive to his message, but if you choose not to take him seriously, then he is happy for you to walk on by. Meanwhile, if you are out shopping, and hear the smooth tones of an amplified Liverpudlian, feel free to let him amuse you: he's good at it.
So He's the boy that brings the joy And He's the man with the eternal plan I met the people from The Beaver today And I hope I've shown them the winning way
God's the retriever you see for me And that's why The Beaver needs God with me.
There's the answer to it all I hope these reporters become winners and all.

tlinHirt
ts
Politics
\


m,r0-i;.»
iMlii
Michael Howard meets the Dalai Lama.

Candidate Howard would beat President' Blair
Alexander George thinks that if Michael Howard were given the opportunity of a presidential debate he could take the Prime Minister to pieces.
Presidential. This word, probably more than any other, sums up Tony Blair's style of government. It is well known that the Prime Minister has little regard for parliamentary style government. He, of course, misled Parliament over intelligence regarding Iraq. The Butler Report criticised the way important decisions were taken in Number lO's little cabal rather than through the cabinet. Power in Downing Street in concentrated in the hands of presidential style chiefs of staff and special policy advisers. And now we are meant to believe that Mr Blair will serve a full third term and then allow his chosen successor to fight the next but one election, just like a sitting US Vice President does after 8 years.
However, Mr Blair should be thankful for our parliamentary general election system. If we were to elect our Prime Minister next year in a straight American style runoff between Mr Blair and Michael Howard, Mr Blair would be a goner.
There are two main reasons why the parliamentaiy election system will work in Mr Blair's favour. Firstly, the impact of the last election hugely influences the next one's result. Labour enjoy a 160 seat majority in the House of Commons. Therefore, even if the Conservatives were to win the largest share of the vote next
year, translating that into seats in Parliament, the best they could realistically hope for is a hung parliament. Secondly, here in Britain elections are still fought and won by parties rather than personalities to a large extent. The contest is Labour versus Conservative, not Blair vei^sus Howard. On this count, Mr Howard is weakened by the sum of his party. The Times wrote after this year's party conference that while Mr Howard himself would be a strong presidential candidate, many of his shadow cabinet are lightweights. He misses heavy hitters like Michael Portillo, Ken Clarke and William Hague. Additionally, the Conservatives are still plagued by their latter years in office. At PMQ's, Question Time and other occasions, all Mr Blair and his colleagues need do is mention Black Wednesday and Tory sleaze to cover up their own failings - and it works. This does not happen so much in a presidential contest. Does John Kerry have to answer for what Bill Clinton did? No, because it is the record of the incumbent at stake against what the challenger has to offer.
Let's take Mr Blair's record as the incumbent. Next year he will have been Prime Minister for eight years; the maximum length of time American presidents can be in office. What would his legacy be should he have to stand down then like in the USA? Little progress on the domestic front and burdened by Iraq internationally. It is useless claiming to be bold and visionary, if, given seven years and two huge parliamentary majorities, he has failed to push through reforms on things like foundation hospitals. After two terms Margaret Thatcher had smashed union power and privatised most state-owned businesses, transforming the economy. If the' revelations of Mr Blair's former economic adviser, Derek Scott, are to be believed, it is Gordon Brown, not the Prime
"Mr Howard is a Range Rover, not too glamorous but powerful and able to tackle tough terrain, unlike Mr Blair's damaged Ferrari."
Minister, who enjoys power over economic policy which has a hold over Mr Blair, rather than the reverse. Does Mr Blair not realise that his chancellor's stealth taxes, regulatory burdens and opposition to choice in public services could seriously damage the economy? These are signs of weaknesses, which can also be detected in foreign affairs. This is not written with any mirth or cynicism, but in an alternative career Mr Blair would have been an excellent American Vice President or Secretary of State. His ability here lies in following a lead and providing able assistance. His finest hour came shortly after September 11th when he admirably travelled the world recruiting allies for President Bush's coalition against terrorism. However, this propensity to follow rather than lead has resulted in his Iraq millstone. However noble his intentions were, he should have questioned both whether a war at that time
and that place was necessary, rather than exaggerating intelligence to make it seem so, and secondly American policies to win the peace there. On wider issues, Mr Blair, despite assurances, failed to get Mr Bush to throw his weight back into the Middle East peace process and what about action against Zimbabwe where Britain should be taking a lead? Perhaps Mr Blair's changed demeanour best epitomises his premiership. The Clintonesque charm and charisma which exuded much promise on his accession to Number 10 has been replaced with the weary, worn figure symbolising the lack of achievement, cynicism and distrust. The public are disillusioned with Labour.
Now challenger Howard. After Mr Hague, a precocious genius brought in too early (but will hopefully one day return) and Iain Duncan-Smith (need I say any more?), Mr Howard appears prime ministerial. He commands the respect and loyalty of his party, no easy task as past exaniples have shown. He has vast experience in government, was one of the few Conservative successes in John Major's government, and understands its demands. So much so that he has sensibly merged Conservative values with pragmatism, such as supporting the principle of low taxation but not pledging specific tax cuts as yet. His calm, measured language should sell his policies to Middle Britain, tired of Mr Blair's evangelical preaching. Mr Howard is a Range Rover, not too glamorous but powerful and able to tackle tough terrain, unlike Mr Blair's damaged Ferrari.
Fast forward to election night. Breaking news. Howard wins premiership! Unfortunately, the Conservative Party bs a whole is still too weak and Labour's majority too big for this to actually happen. Though if Mr Blair agrees to a presidential style debate, one never knows.
^14
taJink
26 October 2004
Hacktivist
Fire with Fire
Tracy Alloway
Though I don't expect my humble opinions to persuade American voters, you can consider this a last ditch effort to expose the truth about President Bush, before America goes to the poUs on November 2nd. Since Bush has been so successful with his dirty Republican tactics (i.e. rigging elections, smearing Kerry's image, etc.) I feel no qualms whatsoever about hitting him below the belt now. So here goes..
Telling the Truth (Accidentally): In the first presidential debate, Bush replied to accusations that he took the focus off Osama bin Laden to go after Saddam Hussein, by stating "Of course we're after Saddam Hussein ~ I mean bin Laden." On the subject of his (supposed) opposition to a military draft. Bush in a recent speech, let slip "...after the debates, I made it very plain we will not have an all-volunteer army." Freudian slips perhaps? It seems the only time Bush allows Americans to hear the truth of his intentions, is when ¦ it's by accident...
Bush; God's Emissary (God forbid): The delusions of the Bush administration have reached new heights. Though Bush minimized the role of his religion in the third debate, he's consistently likened the war on terrorism to a "crusade" and affirmed that he answers to a "higher authority." Who else thought they had mandates from God? Let's see, Hitler, and oh yeah, Osama bin Laden...
Bush Flippity-Flops like a Fish: So America's been brainwashed into believing Kerry is the ultimate fUp-flopper, but Bush has done the same. In the 2000 election. Bush declared his commitment to free trade, but later bowed to pressure from the American steel industry and supported a 30% tariff on imported European steel. In 2000 Bush also criticized A1 Gore for being part of an administration which allowed oil prices to rise, but he sure doesn't seem to be criticizing himself now...
The Family Factor: Kerry's wife, has been labelled by the Republican media as a bordering-on-the-psychopathic loose cannon, simply because she once told a conservative journalist to "shove it." Flinging relatively benign insults at journalists however, pales in comparison to the sordid history of Laura Bush, who, at age seventeen caused the death of a classmate by ignoring a stop-sign and hitting him with her car. It's a mark of good character for the Democratic party that they have not seized upon this tragedy as a way to slander Mrs. Bush. I'm sure if it had been the other way around, you would never have heard the end of Mrs. Kerry's "murderous" and "irresponsible" involvement in a classmate's death.
Well that's about it. Onward to the polls, dear Americans. And remember, when it comes time to fill in those absentee ballots, when you see the word "Bush" I want you to think "Liar, religious fanatic, flip-flopper, and name-f smearer".
Politics

A supporter spreads the message.
The Corporation looks at the central institution of our time and asks: 'What would the world be like if its rulers were insane?' Ahead of its UK release -and a talk at the LSE this Friday - Co-Creator Joel Bakan talked to Joel Kenrick.
Joel Bakan is not a stereotypical filmmaker. A Professor of Law at the University of British Columbia and holding law degrees from Oxford, Dalhouise and Harvard Universities, Joel is an internationally recognised legal scholar. His film has already been a multi-award-winning success in Canada and will initially be showing at 10 London cinemas. The film is based on his book The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power which is being launched in the UK to coincide with the film.
Q: The first third of the film is structured around the personality of the corporation. Where did the idea of the psy-chopathology of the corporation come from?
Joel: That is the animating idea of my book. It's done brilliantly - graphically - in the film. In law classes, you teach to your students that a corporation is a person. You also teach your students that its operating principle is that it always has to serve its own self-interest. I put those two things together - remember, my first degree was in psychology - and asked, "what kind of person is programmed only to be able to serve its self-interest? To be unable to have concern or care about other people, to never experience guilt?" That's a psychopath. You leam that in Psych 101.
Q: So are you saying that my many friends at LSE who want to work in lai^e and successful corporations are Psychopaths?
Joel: No! I don't believe people who go to work for corporations are psychopaths. I take great pains in the book and fihn to distinguish the corporate 'person' - the institution itself - from the people who work for and run corporations. It is the institution that I dub psychopathic because of its singular mandate to serve its own self-interest. The people who work in corporations are good and often idealistic for the most part. But when they go to work they are subject to rules and principles and imperatives that require often dubious actions and decisions - ones that they, in their capacity as human beings may regret and even abhor. So the problem lies with the relationship between our moral agency as human beings and our institutional roles within the corporation. This is a complex problem, and it is dangerous to oversimplify it by either turning business people into villains, on the one hand, or denying that they have any moral responsibility for their actions on the other.
Q: Glad to clear that up, I was getting worried about the guy who always sits behind me in lectures. So how did the film come about?
Joel: Mark (Achbar, Co-Director of The Corporation) and I met in 1997 at a reception after a funeral. We were both at the buffet table and started chatting. I had finished my first book. Just Words, about the limits of human rights. I was thinking of doing a book on fimdamental relations and how the law contributed to forming them. One of the central institutions, of course, is the corporation and that would have been a large part of the book. Mark was talking about doing a film on globalization. We realized that it would be interesting to look at the corporation as an institution: I would write the book and we would develop the film simultaneously.
Q: In the film you interview some pretty conservative characters including econ-
'They don't hear I'm a left-wing professor. They're told that I'm a Rhodes Scholar and a law professor and that Mark is an award-winning filmmaker."
omist Milton Friedman. How does a group of radical filmmakers get even ex-CEOs of Goodyear and Royal Dutch Shell to open up and talk to you?
Joel: They don't hear I'm a left-wing professor. They're told that I'm a Rhodes Scholar and a law professor and that Mark is an award-winning filmmaker. In the letter we sent out, we didn't say, "a left-wing filmmaker and a social activist law professor would like to interview you about your corporation".
Q: What is your hope for this film?
Joel: A great social critic once said that understanding the world is the first step toward changing it. We've taken an institution that's been reified and what we've done in this project is to say that's not the case: it's an institution that we've created. Ever since I studied the corporation as a law student, I've been struck by how bizarre an institution it really is, and have asked why an enlightened civilization could create this thing, and give it such powers. In the film and my book, we've politicized the corporation, turning it into something we can treat in our political debate. To me, that's enough. We're not just consumers, we're citizens. We can look at the institution of the corporation as something we can change.
26 October 2004
isiihk
^¦5
Politics


'Altermondialisme' and the Bolkenstein doctrine -
Interpreting for the ESF
Lucie Gadenne reports on her experiences as an interpreter at the European Social Forum
The British lack an appropriate translation for the French "altermondial-isme^ ( literally "other-globalisation"), the usual one being anti-globalisation, a word that conveys the idea that the global justice movements such as those present at the ESF are against any form of globalisation and technical progress... which is far from true. Is it because the British civil society fighting for an alternative global model is more radical in its approach to globalisation? Or because the reflexion on the aims of the movement is less developed, and therefore the need for a more open ended word has not yet appeared?
This is the kind of debate you are immediately confronted with being part, like me, of Babels, the network of voluntary interpreters from around the world which work for the social forums . In exchange for a free travel card and entry to the forum I found myself sitting in soundproof rooms at the back of the conference hall, earphones on my head and a microphone in front of me, about to experience what it was like being a simultaneous interpreter for the first time. I was facing the difficult task of making sure that aU these people from all over the world actually understand themselves in order to communicate ideas and put up plans of action and reflection.
Believe me, it was a lot of fun. You meet amazing people from very varied backgrounds, some professionals, some bom in such complicated geopolitical situations that they spoke three languages by the time they were four, as well as getting a privileged insight as to how a huge event like the ESF is organised by hundreds of volunteers. There's also a huge responsibility attached to the job, when you know that the ESF is mostly about making people discover each other's actions and ideas and set up projects together, furthering their understanding of their cultural differences as well as the hopes and struggles they all have in common. Communication is therefore essential, and being a key component of that special communication process is very rewarding.
I had to interpret a trade unionist from
'I didn't need an interpreter to understand a very rich seminar on culture and resistance.'
Haiti, a small enthusiastic woman, whose fieiy speeches and fervent words were in sharp contrast with the cold accounts we had just heard from Belgians and Swedish delegates . It was a challenge to express her message in French with as much passion as she was displaying in English, and I felt really sad - and exhausted- when she put her mike down. I would never have understood her point of view so well, and got so carried away to the Levis sweatshops in Haiti she was telling us about, had I been a mere spectator.
I would never either had been to a morning plenary in a freezing marquis on the theme of the Bolkenstein directive - an obscure technical directive about to be passed in the European Parliament and Council of Ministers none of us interpreters knew anything about. The speeches themselves were quite technical and difficult (have you -ever heard the term secondment? Neither had I, until I had to translate it in French ...) but by focusing so intensely on what the experts said during two hours I finally got a pretty vivid image of how the Commission actually sets up directives, and how what is happening now in Brussels concerning the liberalisation of our public services is not something we should simply let a handful of men decide .
But - and that's what's magic about the ESF - I didn't need an interpreter to understand a very rich seminar on culture and resistance, and be deeply moved hearing a Palestinian recite his poems, and Brazilian boys from a favela slamming their anger and frustration (on Euston street, not twenty minutes away from the
LSE ) . And the hundreds of "have-nots" (that is no job, no house, no papers...) whose gigantic marches all over Europe was showed in a public screening of an Indymedia film - followed by a debate on their place at the ESF - had no interpreters with them to coordinate their actions, but obviously shared a common language of solidarity and determination in front of the absurdity of thdr situations ...
It is difficult to know where you stand, and what you want to get involved in, amongst this jungle of global justice movement which all fight for different, sometimes contradictory things, and often seem to be emanations of radical political parties - I know I've not always been taken by their very partisan speeches and apparent lack of democratic controU-But inter ing at the ESF, getting close to all those people who are actually taking effective actions to change the world locally or miles away, and actually being part of the movement by being a link between different languages was a great way of realising that some things can be done through collective action and social movements, and that coherent ideas and projects (such as the development of an effective international trade union network) were being build up in front of my eyes, in London last week end.
So there's really only one thing for me to say: God bless globalisation! Without it, cheap and fast global transport systems, and worldwide communication and media networks, a Haitian trade unionist, a Palestinian poet, Belgian activists and French students could never had met in rainy London . We are not anti-globalists; such words are terribly misleading: we all debated, marched, signed petitions, and collected new contacts during those three days in order to bring about another globalisation, one of social movements and solidarity. Thanks to the Babels network I've left Alexandra Palace on the last day with mixed feelings - pride of what I've achieved, and sadness it's already over - on one certitude : another world is not only possible, it's necessary, and slowly happening.
The Right Approach
The Le Monde Myth
Daniel Freedman
Remember the spirit of brotherhood immediately after September 11, 2001? When the entire world-minus those Palestinians caught on camera dancing-mourned America's loss? When world leaders said they'd join the U.S. in doing whatever necessary to stop it happening again? Epitomised perhaps by Le Monde's famous "We are all Americans" editorial? And remember how the Bush-administration destroyed all this good will?
Not quite. The old adage of "don't judge a book by its cover," should be applied to newspaper editorials as well. Don't judge an editorial by its headline, especially not when it's in French. As I heard Bill ICristol (newspaper editor, not actor) point out in a talk last week: read the whole editorial to see what the Le Monde editor-and the rest of the "America squandered our love" crowd-were really thinking.
Sure the editorial began by declaring France's "solidarity" with the U.S. But then it continued: "And America, in the solitude of its power, in its status as the sole superpower, now in the absence of a Soviet counter-model, has ceased to draw other nations to itself; or more precisely, in certain parts of the globe, it seems to draw nothing but hate." In other words: because the U.S. was too strong, with no counterweight, it was attacked. Now that it's been hurt and humbled, no longer invincible, only now are we all Americans.
But once the U.S. decided to protect itself- without French approval-acting like a superpower again, no longer weak and humbled, Le Monde et al were no
11 was understood differently. The Bush-administration realised that Clinton-era style appeasement of al Qaeda had failed. Le Monde et al on the other hand saw even Clinton-style appeasement as too much U.S. unilateralism.
Of course the president was right. The correct response to al Qaeda is all-out attack, not appeasement. They want a world-Islamic state. We either attack them and their helpers, or wait for them to attack us first-as they will.
There is however hope for Prance and others. As John O'Sullivan wrote last month, just as Churchill's original denunciations and proposed solutions to Nazism were originally seen as "extreme, unreasonable and too violent," so too is President Bush's on Islamic terrorism. And just as others eventually realised Churchill was right, so too will the president's critics. As Russia leamt in Beslan with the massacre of 300 children, and France leamt with the kidnapping of two journalists in Iraq, opposition to the U.S. didn't save them from the terrorists. And nothing will.
Le Monde will eventually realise it should have written "We are all Americans," and actually have meant it. For the sake of France, let's hope this happens soon.
\G
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19 October 2004
International
A International Correspondents: Kristin Solberg (k.e.solberg@lse.ac.uk) and Stefanie Khaw (s.s.khaw@lse.ac.uk
Focus on: Kuwait

Amish (Mish) Chadha was born in Kuwait and has lived there all his life. He educates UmerAshraf from Pakistan about the country. Stefanie Khaw and Kristin Solberg supervise the process for blink.
The Starting Point
Our two subjects share some of their initial knowledge of Kuwait
Mish's Kuwaiti Facts
When a couple gets married, the state gives them a piece of land and a certain amount of money to build a house.
No one pays taixes in Kuwait. Even foreigners don't.
Several Kuwatis think the iu£rastnictui%
Eu their own country is shit. They'll be driv-^ on a perfect road, and then hit a pothole, and be pissed of! and say that the government doesn't do anything. But in fact the government pays for everything.
Hie beaches down south are pretty nice.
Ca,ear, blue water, lots of islands. There are more islands than people think, they just don't show on the map.
Local calls are free in Kuwait.
As a foreigner, you can't own your own company. You have to be in a 51/49 partnership with a Kuwati, the Kuwati owning the bigger share. That's one of the ways they control the economy and make sure that Kuwatis are not badly off.
Kuwait is famous for the largest man made wooden ship in the world. It's called Al-Hashemi II, and is higher than the Titanic was.
You can drive around the country in six-seven hours. Easily.
Umer's Kuwaiti "Facts"
My mom's sister lives in Kuwait. Her husband runs a factory there.
They've got skin problems and diseases
there due to nuclear radiation -well that's what I heard.
Girls? People in Pakistan think Irani girls are pretty. I don't really know much about what its like in Kuwait.


F

Kuwait from space, courtesy of NASA
An Education
Where is Kuwait and what are the neighbouring countries?
Umer: In the Middle East, next to Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia.
Mish: You're correct!
What's its form of governance?
Umer: It's a democracy.
Mish: Wrong! It's a monarchy, well, it's more an emirate. There's a parliament, but the Emir controls it. There are two branches of the ruling family, and they alternate. So if the king comes from one brach, the crown prince and the next king will come from the other. The current Emir is 80-years-old. He marries a new woman every week. A healthy lifestyle, sex every week, plenty of kids.
Umer: That's a royalty.
What are Kuwait's main exports?
Umer: Missiles? Weapons?
Mish: Wrong! It's oil.
What about its main import?
Umer: Machinery?
Mish: It's services actually. Kuwaitis are a minority in their own country. There are 3.3 million people in the country, but only 1.2 million nationals.
What is Kuwait's military history?
Umer: That I know! They had a war with Iraq. Was it being supported by America or EVance?
Mish: There was a war in 1961 with Iraq. In the 1990 Gulf War, Kuwait was caught completely by surprise. Kuwait had helped Iraq in the war with Iran. So Kuwait asked for money as compensation but Iraq wouldn't give them. Instead, Iraq rolled their tanks into Kuwait at 4am while the generals were on holiday in Spain. No one expected this. I mean just after one war, who would expect another? I woke up the next day and saw tanks rolling across the streets.
What's its religion?
Umer: Islam.
Mish: Yup. You do see churches as well. No temples because that's pagan.
To what degree is its culture westernised?
Umer: I don't think it is. I don't really now. Ok, it's not.
Mish: Yes and no. Because Kuwaitis are a
minority, they try to maintain their identity and culture. But they do look to the est in terms of education. You get Marks & Spencer and Debenhams and MANGO here. They thought that Marks & Spencer wouldn't do too well because it was a Jewish brand.
Umer: So is it still there?
Mish: Yes, yes. There's also the Western concept of big US-style malls. There's a whole street filled with these where they sell loads of designer goods. You name a label, you'll find it there.
Are there any famous people from Kuwait?
Umer: Can't think of any.
Mish: I can't think of any either.
How many Tv stations does Kuwait have?
Umer: Two?
Mish: When was the last time I watched local tv? There are four, equivalent to the BBC.
Have any celebrities visited your country?
Umer: Tom Cruise?
Mish: Princess Anne. Prince Charles and Princess Diana came in 1996. They got a bunch of kids from British schools to welcome them at the airport. Val Kilmer has been there with the UN. Football giants like Manchester United, Arsenal and Juventus have been there as well.
What's the national sport?
Umer: Football.
Mish: Yup.
Is it a rich country?
Umer: Since it has oil - yes.
Mish: Veiy much so. They have more money than they know what to do with. People buy a new Mercedes every year. It's a hundred percent welfare state. Free health care. There was a guy I knew of who needed a root canal. And the state paid for him to come to London to do it. If you do well in school, the government will fund your studies abroad. A guy I knew studied in Leeds, then two places in the US and the government paid for it all -they're very rich.
19 October 2004
blink

17
International
1

An article in last week's edition outlined various inconveniences faced by international students studying in the UK. The lack of services offered by local banks, difficulties in obtaining mobile phone contracts and denied entiy to selected nightspots (gasps of horror!) were among the issues outlined.
Ironically, drawing comparisons to the population of international students studying in this country say, 20 years ago and the present day, it is quite damn obvious that there are more of us now than there ever was before - despite a whole plethora of obstacles.
Despite the fact that some of us could afford a bungalow with a reasonably large garden with the amount we're spending on imiversity fees. Despite the fact that food costs five times more here than it would back home. Despite the fact that Natwest won't give me a Switch card.
So why are we here? To avoid sounding like something out of an Introduction to Philosophy text book, I quote from last week's said article, "...why don't you go back to your own country then?"
I remember a British Council advertisement being played on a local radio station in Malaysia going something like: "Nine out of 10 employers prefer UK-educated graduates".
The truth of the matter may be highly subjective, but the fact that an overseas education has a sort of "luxury good" connotation stuck to it cannot be denied. The
are we here?
Stephanie Khaw gets all philosophical about international students.
idea is as simple as the incidence of someone paying £200 for an LV wallet that was probably as good as the TOPSHOP one she (or he) previously owned. Of coxirse, the change in the way people perceived her (him) when she flashed this posh new accessory would have been priceless.
Studying abroad is thought to be an enlightening experience for many. The perks of being exposed to foreign cultures and learning from people thought to be experts in their field of study are enough to lure thousands of students to countries like the UK and America.
Those who cannot afford it will take the cheaper alternative - studying locally instead.
That is by far less taxing on the wallet. "lUition fees in Hong Kong would amoimt to about £4000 a year," says one 2nd year Actuarial Science student.
One LSE student from China told me, "Everything - tuition fees with living costs included will cost at most, £2000 in the big cities."
The one-child policy in China may ease parental efforts in funding their child's education. Nevertheless, education abroad still does not come cheap.
"We value education very highly. Students from the most deprived parts of
the coxmtry cannot afford to go to school, let alone university," says the Chinese student.
During the last academic year, protests against top-up fees were hot topics of conversation among local students. Everyone was clearly against the whole idea of allowing imiversities to charge annual fees of up to three thousand poimds.
The current flat rate of £1,125 a year was reportedly insufficient to maintain the high standards of education and state-of-the-art facilities that UK imiversities were once renowned for. According to BBC News Online, Education Secretary Charles Clarke said, "The new fees regime would provide £1 billion a year for universities".
Conversely, some groups of students, clearly unaffected by the potential increase in costs of higher education, brushed the issue aside despite pleas for support from avid local campaigners. Some regarded it as nothing more than a spectacle of greater freedom of speech, aspects un-alien in this highly liberal, developed society.
Protests staged against the war waged in Iraq were clearly legible to all. But what was the big deal about top-up fees anyway? Foreign students pay roughly ten times the amount locals pay. An increase from a flat rate of £1,125 up to a ceiling of £3,000 was
viewed as nothing compared to their £10,000 fee.
Advertising on a larger scale and greater availability of the A-levels as a pre-university course has made it easier for the international student body in the UK to grow in numbers.
Perhaps the ease in which an international student is accepted into a UK imiversity in the present may also be due to the problem of the universities' lack of fimding. Could it be that the increased effort to promote education in the UK was fueled by insufficient financial resources on the universities' part?
According to the LSE website, nearly 7000 fuU time students study at the LSE. Of that number, slightly over 40 per cent come from coimtries outside of the EU. If each of them pays approximately £10,000 per year in tuition fees, some basic calculations will produce a staggering amount of £28 million in total school fees annually.
That's a lot of money. £28 million could buy you 156,424 iPod Minis, 9,333,333 copies of The Economist or 1,750,000 shot and mixers at the Tuns. It could also be used to cover operational costs at the university.
Now back to our philosophical question, "Why are we here?"
18
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The Beaver
19 October 2004
Politics
Dream that another world is possible...
Blandine Pons sees hope in the European Social Forum for a genuinely better tomorrow. The future of that
hope wil be decided at the movements next great forum in Brazil.







From LSE to Alexandra Palace in North London where the European Social Forum was organized, the ride by bus is less than an hour. But when I got out at Alexandra Palace Station, I understood I was entering a completely different world.
Within the first hour, I heard at least five different languages spoken, I passed by more than 50 different ranges of tables held by student societies, NGOs, trade-unions, political organisations and so fourth...! talked with a member of the Italian Youth Communist Party about when the Revolution should start.
I exchanged views with a Greek trade unionist on the situation of public services in Europe. I met a British man who asked me what I thought about the European Constitution. I was invited to sign a petition to denounce incarceration conditions in Turkey's jails.... In brief I was totally overwhelmed....
The third European Social Forum was held this year in London from October, 15th to October, 17th. Over 20,000 people from 65 countries participated, and around 2,000 organisations held a huge choice of conferences, workshops, seminars and debates on a large spectrum of issues ranging from "For European Piscal Justice" to "Challenging US imperialism" as well as "Our world is not for sale"!!!
After the Florence and Paris experiences, this third ESF was viewed as a new step further for the anti-globalization movement.
While the media and political sciences literature keep telling us that nowadays post-modem developed democracies are going through a terrible crisis of political disinterest, the ESF seems to be an exception to the rule. It struggles to prove that with political will and determination, with
citizen action and intellectual alternative thinking, another world is possible....
The main themes that are recurrent both at the European Social Forum as well as the World Social Forum are of course the denunciation of neo-liberalism and of the unfair and exploiting international trade system. I took part in a debate untitled "the end of the myth of development and growth: towards a sustainable society", with Samir Amin the famous Senegalese anti-globalisation economist. I went to a workshop on "fair trade and micro-finance" and listened to a Latin American specialist proposing solutions to break the circle of "trade-debt and dependency" in Developing Countries.
The new European Commission controversies with the nomination of Peter Mandelson known for being much more neo-liberal than his' predecessor Pascal Lamy gave rise to very interesting debates. The upcoming G8 Summit in Scotland also monopolized a lot of seminars. Eventually the anti-war topics also had a very strong echo through out the whole Forum. Too much according to certain people, who regretted that the denunciation of Bush's foreign policy prevented discussion of other issues. The original ESF goal is to create alternative thinking on European issues but this year in London, the march from Russell Square to Trafalgar Square on the last day was more an anti-Bush protest than a "another Europe/World is possible" attempt.
These types of Forum are usually extremely popular, the debates are not always well structured, some people state opinions that are obviously too extreme or simplistic, there are too many topics dealt with, but the common feature of all the Forums is an incredible intellectual ebullition and the production of alternative and
'The new challenge for this type of movement is to try to find how,	beyond
exchanging views, debating and listing alternative solutions, the anti-globalization movement can manage to have a concrete, structured and coherent political effect.'
refreshing thoughts. The experience is just overwhelming.
The new challenge for this type of movement is to try to find how, beyond exchanging views, debating and listing alternative solutions, the anti-globaliza-tion movement can manage to have a concrete, structured and coherent political effect.
Indeed, within the movement, the divisions are numerous between those promoting the Revolution and those who think in more pragmatic and reformist terms. Big Anglo-Saxon NGOs are usually reluctant to take part in revolutionary meetings, preferring taking lobbying actions within the system itself rather than rejecting it totally-
Throughout the debates and seminars I went to, I heard a lot of leaders warning their audience about the future of the movement. The anti-globalization . movement is facing the difficult question of what it wants to become in the future. Rejecting any kind of institutionalisation, would of course preserve its root identity as an alternative thinking movement but it runs the risk of uselessness. The danger is indeed, that it woiild keep on organizing one forum after another without taking any action.
On the other hand, by structuring itself more, by going from networks to federations, by working on its transparency, by consulting each other within the movement in order to come out with a common position, the anti-globalisation movement would have much more of an impact on the world it is willing to change to a better place. In that perspective, the 2005 World Social Forum, which will be held in Porto Alegre, Brazil between January 26-31 will be a crucial moment for the anti-globalisa-tion movement.
The Beaver Michaelmas Term Elections Pullout
Voting in the Quad: Wednesday 27 October, 9.30 am - 7.00 pm
Thursday 28 October, 9.00 am - 5.00 pm
All LSE students are encouraged to have their say.

Court of Governors (5 places)
Daniel Freedman Syed Nazir Hussain
I am a 2nd year undergraduate in Govt & Econs from Singapore. I am Secretary of LSESU People & Planet, and member of the SU Financial & Services Committee.
I hope to add diversity to student representation on the Court, and provide an impartial voice for students.
Jimmy Tain
Jimmy Tam needs you! Vote your friend Jimmy Tam to Court of Governors. Vote for someone at the heart of LSE; an experienced decision-maker and society committee member (Passfield president and Constitution & Steering vice-chair)
who's in touch with students!
Go on, show me your love - make me your #1!
Joel Kenrici(
Current LSESU Environment & Ethics Officer. For a greener, LOUIS HaynGS more ethical agenda - ensuring new buildings are environmentally and student friendly, campaigning for ethical investment.
Our strength is our diversity - more support for cultural,
religious & sport societies, bursaries for students in need. Joel #1 for Court!
Rishi Madiani
Having been at LSE for 5 years, as both staff and student I am the most experience candidate for the Court of Governors.
I have already successfully fought battles to ensure that we receive the high provision of services we deserve. Vote Rishi Madiani #1, your candidate for Court.
Angus Mulready-Jones Arvinn Eilceland Gadgii
Voting Arvinn E. Gadgii! Challenging status quo:
With your permission I will do my best to improve administration, secure student welfare, seek new need-based scholarships, make LSE investments socially responsible and prevent privatisation of higher education.
There is no other choice than global social justice. Vote Arvinn E. Gadgii.
Jeet Gordhandas
Simon Rees
Does the average student actually know what the Court of Governors is- or what it does?
The answer is probably "No" - and I want to change this. The Court of Governors is all about YOU.
It's your voice. So make this choice: Vote Simon Rees. Thumbs up.
Marl( Power
Editor of The Beaver, experienced student advocate; fairer representation of all LSE students; a right to residence; improved Library access and a better course collection; fighting for fee fairness for home and international students.
Vote for the candidate with the experience to make a difference. Fight Power with Power.
The same old people, the same old promises! And we all end up with a bunch of power hungry individuals.
Let your voice heard, let the victory of the people resound. Vote for change, Make a difference. Vote JEET #1 for Court of Governors.
Gareth Carter
I will use my experience as Union Treasurer to bring to the Court's attention student issues that affect us all.
Despite many minor indiscretions, I have yet to make a court appearance, so vote me into the dock! Vote Gareth Carter number 1, and I'll see you in Court.
Alice Brickley
Capri Journi
Vote Alice Brickley No.l for Court of Governors and redress the balance of representation...
An experienced representative and former LSESU executive officer, I have long been committed to promoting equal opportimity for all students.
There is still much to achieve. Make equal opportunity a priority and vote Alice Brickley No.l.
"h
2 The Beaver Michaelmas Elections Pullout
Honorary l^resident Honorary Vice
Margaret Thatcher
Irrepressible, incorrigible, always indomitable. She once said, "You turn if you like; the lady's not for turning! "And she wasn't. Instead, the free world turned to her - for counsel, for courage, for leadership that proclaimed a belief in right and wrong - not a devotion to what is popular.
President
Tanni Grey Thompson Winston Churchill
Ayn Rand Mordechai Vanunu
Academic Board (2 places)
Alykhan Velshi
I promise to campaign for you: exam grading policies, re-sits, awarding of degrees, bursaries.
Outgoing Academic Board member Nick Spurrell has endorsed only one candidate - Alykhan Velshi, saying "Alykhan is ideal for Academic Board. He understands the issues, is not intimidated by the bureaucracy, and refuses to be pressured."
Anna Ngo
Fellow students, I'll push for exam feedback and re-sits, and resist above inflation increases in postgraduate and international fees. I oppose top rate top-up fees for LSE students and will fight for more bursary schemes.
Vote 'Little' Anna to Academic Board to campaign for QUALITY and AFFORDABLE EDUCATION.
Capri Journi Syed Nazir Hussain
I am a 2nd year undergraduate in Govt & Econs from Singapore. I am Secretary of LSESU People & Planet, and member of the SU Financial & Services Committee.
If elected, I will ensure that students are fairly treated in so far as academic issues are concerned.
Our graduates
are playing Footsie* with us in no time.
ABN AMRO will be holding a series of events on your campus soon. You'll find further details at www.graduat8.abnainro.coRi For the definitive guide to corporate and investment banking, come and meet us in person.
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ABNAMRO
I
The Beaver Michaelmas Elections Pullout 3
Postgraduate Students' Officer
Philip CoticelM
As a part-time student, Philip Coticelli	tuition beyond the privilege to arrive at
will use his substantial free time to	the LSE and pay more.
attack LSE fee policy like a gorilla in	Fee membership for that pathetic gym?
heat.	Is Howard Davies kidding?
He will demand satisfaction for your
Capri Journi
Want to get your voice heard? No time for	your unique issues on education, welfare
your own welfare?	and representation.
As your Postgraduate Students Officer,	I'd make sure "it's your say that counts"
I'll give you the attention you deserve,	on postgraduate matters! .
Regular surgeries will be held to discuss
Matt Willgress
I am standing to put postgraduates at the	forums alongside a targeted awareness
centre of our union.	campaign.
People talk about this but don't do	I am a campaigner against all discrim-
enough to make it happen. I would	ination, against visa charges, and for
rectify this, re-activating postgraduate	international justice.
David Yellin
Postgraduates make up more than half of and I will be the strong advocate the student body at LSE and yet many of postgraduates need to make it happen, us don't feel like we're really members of Vote Yellin.
the LSE community.
I believe the SU can help change that.
Mature & Part Time Students' Officer
Ozan Kirtac
As mature (students who are at least 23	substantial fees and it's your right to get
years old) and part time students, you	the most rewarding experience of learn-
may be returning to education after a	ing at the LSE.
couple of professional years or you may Now, it's your turn to start fighting for
be trying to manage the work and the	your rightsi'^simply vote to let me defend
school at the same time.	your concerns!
^In_^ both cases you are paying_____________
I
4 The Beaver Michaelmas Elections Pullout
ULU Coundl (2 places)
Karthik Sankaran	Angus Muiready-Jones
Azren Aziz
ATTENTION!
vote Amicable representative for Zero-corruption to Rectify unjust policies and Establish a united yet diversified ideas towards Notable actions!
vote for AZREN AZIZ as your ULU COUNCIL
Capri Journi
Chris Heatlicote
Chris Heathcote for ULU Council
The Beaver News Editor; Breaking the news to ULU
LSE is part of ULU whether we like it or not, so let's make sure it works for us.
I will put LSE at the centre of ULU, where we belong, not ignored on the periphery.
NUS Conference (5 places)
Sian Errington Nabiliah Sultan-Mydin
Hello everyone! My name is Nabihah Sultan Mydin and I will be running for the NUS Delegate in the Michaelmas Term Election. Vote for me...
AGAINST against racism against islamiphobia against visa charges
FOR
for a change for equal opportunities for progress
Capri Journi Matt Wiligress
I stand for an NUS that represents all students, with greater support for international/ postgraduate students and equality campaigns. NUS needs to lead against fees, for free Wednesday afternoons and for international justice. Last year I was part of a successful campaign for NUS to have an international students officer.
Narzanin Massoumi
I am an activist that has campaigned against war and the occupation of Iraq and Palestine, against racism and against privatization. I want an NUS that displays the defiance of the anti-war and global justice movements, defends access to education and fights for the bigger issues that matter to students.
Jessica Ejdeibaum
Jonathan Maron
NUS potentially wields great power, but often amounts to little.
Has NUS effectively combated: tuition fees, the recent humanitarian disasters, or universities organising key events on religious holy days?
I want to go to NUS Conference and do my best to steer it in the right direction.
Vote Jonathan Maron
Marie Power
Editor of The Beaver, experienced NUS Delegate; against the proposed reforms - LSESU's voice will be further reduced in NUS.
An international student who has fought to make NUS more responsive us.
Supporting NUS campaigns; fighting for fairer university access based on individual merit, not financial background, race, gender or sexuality.
Taris Ahmad
Vote me for true and vocal change. I'm running for NUS. I'm independent happy and smiley. At NUS there are a few networks favouring wars furthering their ideologies. They prevent tolerant and inter-religious dialogue within the UK. Vote me for change.
Vote me to say stop to war and close-mindedness.
Louis Haynes
An option to Re-Open Nominations is also available in each election. AinSE students are entitled to vote upon presentation of their ID card. Voting takes place in the Quad on Wednesday 27 October between 9.30 am and 7.00 pm and on Thursday 28 October between 9.00 am and 5.00 pm.
Tlie.'Beaver ¦ 19 October 2004
blirik
19
Features
SEX: Yes please

LSE postgraduate parties aren't quite this bad.
...oh sorry, Tm at the LSE
LSE graduate students are the epitome of asexual beings," a friend of mine commented to me recently. I could not immediately dispute this statement as he empirically supported his judgement by reeling off observations he made about many of our union nights.
Unfortunately the shocking thing I realised after my first few weeks here was that I was forced to agree. In the parties I have been to so far, I have not seen a glimmer of sexual impulse in anyone's eyes. To hell with endless exchanges about which course I am taking and where I did my undergraduate degree.
But how has this happened? Has the LSE even managed to over-intellectualise sex? Through course titles like kinship, sex and gender and learning about sex as possible causes of development issues in the third world, have we been put off partaking ourselves?
I decided to investigate and tottered off to LSE's new night Cultivate (for the second and now last time this term). As soon as I walked in I was overwhelmed by its weirdness.
Why were they playing music which was impossible to dance to and only remotely cool if you were performing in an elderly salsa duo competition? Do they think once you go past the age of twenty-one it is easy listening all the way?
Nonetheless the enthusiasm of the students that were there could not be ignored, horrifyingly displayed as they energetically gyrated their bodies on a near empty
A new postgraduate tries to find sexual fulfilment in her opening weeks at the School.
Sorely disappointed. Mala Nangia asks why the LSE is the most asexual of all universities.
dance floor. The highlight of the night was when a group began a game of limbo in the middle of the dance floor. My one hope was that they were horrendously drunk but it was an unrequited one.
Whilst taking in the awkward atmosphere of feeling like I was in a room filled with the stereo-type image we have of mathematicians that have never been to a party before, I had a great idea. This would be the perfect pick-up joint for a less spot-ty-looking male fresher looking to score, simultaneously fulfilling their pubescent fantasies about never-ending sex-filled university life.
They could pretend they were a PG instead of an UG (does anyone else find their abbreviation particularly amusing?), pull an older woman and brag about it to their friends afterwards.
Oh but I think our LSE boys are too serious for that. I would not attribute this to cowardice, possibly a lack of sexual imagination but what it really boils down to is my original question - has sex been quashed from our minds amidst the acade-mia?
Apparently yes, for when I decided to flirtatiously introduce my idea to some guys that approached me - it transpired
they were final year students perhaps caught out - I discovered that it was dismissed as no deviation in discussions are permitted when analysing the positive future guaranteed from a law degree or which school of thought an economic historian at LSE prefers.
And what about the most vulnerable homesick students that could easily fill their emotional pain with physical pleasure albeit for one night only? The majority are from overseas and many have left their lovers behind.
Not that I am promoting the notion of promiscuous straying but the guilty freedom you uncomfortably feel when you realise you find other people attractive often manifests itself at such parties, through a flirtatious or intense and longer-than-necessary glance in someone's eyes.
No such luck for anyone here it seems, unless all the bedlam is happening in the anti-socially designed halls of residence. I may need to investigate this in a desperate attempt to try and disprove my theory.
So at the end of the night where it seems nothing was cultivated except some excellent Cosmopolitans (the union did try and help the PG's, bless them), my wise American friend commented, and I will leave this person nameless for reasons you are about to fathom, "Jeez, what does it take for a girl to get laid around here?"
J Although in true LSE style, I must intervene with my preference for the word "shag", I could not have put it better myself.
^0

Biart
aver
26 October 2004
B:art
Edited by Carolina Bunting (tiiebeaver.art@ise.ac.uk)
Music
Got a Hunch? 24
About
Discover the cultural capital 30
Turner Prize Special
nastarantavakoli-far gives us an essential run-down of the history of the annual The Turner Prize and this year's contenders
The Turner Prize was founded in 1884 by the Tate's Patrons of New Art with the aim of promoting contennpo-rary British artists under the age of 50. The Patrons exist not only to acquire wori<s for the Tate but to pro-nnote discussion about new developments within the art world. Four artists are short listed for the prize, this year's winner being announced on December 6th. The prize money for 2004 will be £40,000 donated by Gordon's gin, the new sponsors of the prize. This is a huge increase from the previously annual sum of £20, 000 that had been donated by Channel 4 since 1991. Artists are short listed not for individual pieces but for their outstanding work and exhibitions in the twelve months preceding 9th May 2004.
A jury is chosen annually by the Tate's Patrons for New Art to judge the artists. This jury is usually comprised of a writer or critic, the curator or director of a British gallery and the curator or director of a gallery overseas as well as a representative from the Tate's Patrons for New Art. The Chair is usually the Tate's director, which since 1988
has been Sir Nicholas Serota. Although the short list method was not liked by many, after it was scrapped in 1988 in favour of just one winner being announced, it was quickly revived in 1989. The public and critics had made uproar at not being able to compare works and give their opinions.
The Prize was named after British painter JMW Turner (1775 - 1851) as Turner himself wanted to establish a prize for young artists and his own art was very controversial at the time. The Turner Prize causes much controversy every year with many questions raised as to whether the pieces displayed are 'art' or not. Past winners have included Damien Hirst (think of animals preserved in formaldehyde) and Chris Ofili who used animal faeces in his piece. Tracey Emin's infamous unmade bed was also exhibited when she was short listed in 1999. There has already been some a debate regarding the prize this year as one of Langlands and Bell's pieces has been withdrawn due to an ongoing trial at the Old Bailey.
The Chosen Few
Jeremy Deller
Deller is a curator, producer and director of many different projects such as film, orchestral events and publications. His work focuses on non-mainstream, or rather 'fringe', cultures. His most notable piece being The Battle OfOrgreave (2001) which was a project including a book, an audio recording and a film reconstruction relating to the clashes between the miners and the police during the mid-1980s. Through his work Deller investigates relationships between aspects of Britain's cultural heritage. His wall painting The History of the World 1997-2004, on display at this year's Turner Prize, is a prime example of this. Having organised a concert of Acid Brass music in the 1980s, Deller shows the links between Acid House music and Brass Band music. This highlights not only his brilliant observational skills but his firm grasp on the political and social history of Britain.
Kutlug Ataman
Ataman was born in Istanbul in 1961 and currently lives and works in London, Istanbul and Barcelona. He has studied in France and the USA, gaining a his Masters in Fine Arts from the University of California. Ataman's video installations explore the themes of identity, memory, the imagination and contrasts between reality and fantasy. Women who wear wigs (1999) was one of his first video works in which Ataman showed the responses of four different women to the oppressive hijab rules prevalent in certain aspects of the Turkish economy. Ataman also explores themes of narrative and reality in his work wherein he shows how the boundaries between documentary and narrative are often blurred.
Langlands and Bell
The work of Ben Langlands (born in London 1955) and Nikki Bell (born in London 1959) revolves around the relationship of people with the architecture surrounding them. These two artists, who have been collaborating since 1978, have had numerous exhibitions both together and individually. Their popularity has gained them shows at acclaimed galleries such as the Serpentine Gallery in London, the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in New York and the Venice Biennale. By examining the structures in which we live and work, Langlands and Bell look at how we relate to the structures around us as well as our interpersonal relationships as a result of our surroundings. Further to this, the duo have also investigated the functions and roles of furniture. They have described their work as being 'simultaneously sculpture, painting, furniture and architecture'.
Yinka Shonibare
Shonibare , who regards himself as a citizen of the world, was born in England in 1962, spent most of his childhood in his family's native Nigeria before returning to England to study Art at the age of 17. His work, which features the use of bright batik fabric - made in Indonesia and bought in Brixton market - strives to challenge our assumptions about representation. He asks us to examine the social, political and cultural issues which shape our identities. Having had exhibitions in London and Rotterdam, Shonibare is well known for his traditional western costumes made out of bold multicoloured African designs. His first film Un Ballo in Maschera (A Masked Ball), which is displayed at this year's Turner Prize, contains many such costumes.
'^^fSel^eavcr
26 October 2004
"ISS&t

visual arts
edited by Caroline Bray
A Prize Turner
carolinebray revels in the absence of the usual controversy
The Turner Prize
Date: 20th October until 23rd December 2004 Venue: Tate Britain, Milbank Open: 10am until 6pm daily Cost: £8 or £6.50 concessions
When entering the Turner Prize each year it is easy to sigh heavily in expectation of another contemporary art controversy. Yet this year such an approach will only leave one wanting.
Jeremy Deller is up first for the scrutinising eye. Memory Bucket 2003, is a video documentary of the Branch Davidson siege in Waco, Texas and a cosy peek into President Bush's favourite hometown caf§. The work subtly sets one's mind whirring about the illegal use of troops in Waco and cringing at the Coffee Station Manager's comments about how Bush is a, 'personable, relaxed, all round nice man'. Yet despite the charade of political documentation, Deller makes no explicit statement. He is a voyeur of life, he organises events to facilitate powerful collaborations and challenge the viewer into the consideration of social issues.
His parade in San Sebastian brings together all the diverse groups of society and teases the parade participants into questioning the role of art itself. Acid Brass 1997 then underscores historical connections between Acid House and the Brass Band. Both of which manifested themselves as alternative resistance to Thatcher's 1980s government. Deller entices us into the contemplation of our position in politics, history and society He is a quiet artistic force, lurking in the dark waiting to hurl you into the storm of current affairs.
Kutlug Ataman's work teeters one-footed on the fence between the fabricated and the real. Or in Ataman's own words, his video work Twelve 2003 shows six individuals who deal with horrific loss in their lives by a belief in rebirth. If the soul is reborn then surely there is no reason to fear death. Only those who suffer awful or untimely deaths, such as themselves, remember their previous lives. The work is a creative reaction to the current political situation in the Middle East. It is sad, somewhat har-
rowing and one is struck by the everyday struggle of these people. The individuals are confused, not sure when they speak of themselves if they speak of their former or present existence. The narrative becomes perplexed and the western mind sceptical of their plight.
Disappointingly, I see no particular skill, lingering insight or originality in Ataman's work. He is a twisted eye preying on the misfortunes of others, not to incite thought and concern but to make one feel uneasy. The result is the eradication of these people from one's mind. And in the age of conceptual art, what good is a piece if the concept does not endure?
Langlands and Bell primarily consider themselves to be architects. So instead of the usual 'but is it art?' question, this team's presence poses the query, 'but are they artists?'. I have no doubt that they are, in a sense, but are they artists beyond architecture? The same may be said for Deller and Ataman, are they artists beyond documentary makers? This for me is the greatest rub of the 2004 Turner Prize and I am yet to resolve it in my mind. Ataman moved into art from Gerrfian feature film because within the remit of art, 'You can do pretty much what you want.' An old idea that is now not only presenting artists that use controversial mediums and themes in their works but is parading artists which may primarily be considered documentary makers or architects and not artists as such.
Yet the work of Langlands and Bell is strong. Outside of their architectural concerns they have created a world which suggests a superfluous role for NGOs in the Middle East. They exhibit repeated images of NGO logos on every doorway and sign that could be imagined. Frozen Sky then questions our system of the travel as acronyms of airports form an endless neon circle. Yet it is The House of Osama Bin Laden 1996 that really makes an Impact. In this is the tangibility of architecture and fact that the personality and presence of a person may be felt within a locality after their departure. This message presents a new way of regarding personal and social space. We are all subliminally affected by the buildings that we use. Architectural structures are in themselves bastions of democracy, maps of social control or reflections of ideas. Although I question the way in which the appearance of Langlands and Bell jn the prize pushes the boundaries of the idea of the 'artist, I
\iV
very much admire their contribution.
Finally, Yinka Shonibare welcomes us into a world more familiar to the discerning gallery goer. The painting Maxa 2003 depicts apparently African materials. However these prints were in fact bought in Brixton and made in either Holland or Indonesia. The crux of the matter here for me is not solely the misinterpretation of identity but the way in which Shonibare's fragmentation of the plane of the painting echos his own physical disability - paralysis down one side. Shonibare's attempt in this work was to deconstruct the concept of a great abstract work done by a great modern master. The physicality of himself is reflected in the physicality of his painting and reiterates that physical greatness is not always artistic greatness.
His work Swing (after Fragonard) 2001 further illustrates his concern with social stereotypes and cultural icons. The mannequin adorned in batik materials reminds us that European luxury has often been founded upon colonial exploitation and slavery. The missing head makes harder the identification of a time and place for the piece and the revealing skirts tease us with the risque touch of a rococo composition. Un Ballo in Maschera (A Masked Ball) 2004 depicts the assassination of King Gustav III of Sweden at a masked ball in 1792. The film is laden with ambiguities as the King is played by a woman, the batik fabrics are worn by European aristocratic figures, the murder is repeated numerous times and the whole show then played in reverse. Shonibare's strength is his awareness of the medium; his rejection of traditional narrative structures, the bringing in of humour and sparking of debates from within our consciousness.
In spite of my now sleepless nights contemplating the expanding definition of the 'artist', 1 am elated at yet more signs that a change is occurring within the art world. Conceptual works are becoming more intelligent, controversy for the sake of controversy is becoming unfashionable, painting and drawing are on the up and we are all thankfully tired of the remnants of the 1990s yBa movement. My only concern now is the uninformed comments made by the public at the end of the show. Beautifully summed up by one visitor, 'Comment board of comment...bored.' Make the trip to the Tate Britain but linger in the final comment room only if you can read the thoughts of the many with a wry smile on your lips. My winner: Yinka Shonibare


26 October 2004
literature
edited by Ion Martea
Lyrical Effigies
Do//. S/as/i /.
by Vivienne Poet
Twisted mouth Where am I?
I look... Plastic Eye
Cushion covers, drip Red blood
Voiceless
Silent Anguish... fuck me fuck me bitch in my Stained Dress
In the Bidet With my knife
hairCut cutHair chop Slice chop Deeper bItchFuck
FirstDay... hanging from the Grape trellis, wine.
button nose, Crushed
Who am I?
i am I. Nothing but a child Doll
RubensstraBe 26
by Harald Nax
Firstly left,
we begin to lose, at first unapologetic, to conveive him, gradually realising the meaning that internally unfold.
Waiting for him twisting within oneself, just to dex him in any direction of oneself failingly,
we might perceive him mattly pulsing,
abating like a feather, whose letter composed and composer gone, counting last words,
like we seeking for tragic, to suit this last word, finally,
to return.
Classic Pearls
The God of Small Things
by Arundhati Roy
alexandergeorge on a recent Booker Prize laureat
South India, 1969. Just like the burst of monsoon rains, an explosive concoction of love, sex and death shatters the hitherto sedate existence of a middle-class Syrian Christian family in the state of Kerala. 'Things can change in a day.' Reaction to Arundhati Roy's masterpiece -winner of the Booker Prize in 1997 - was similar to some extent. Widely praised, quite rightly, for its absorbing storyline, rich and varied language, and audacious assault on the hypocrisy of 'the rules' which govern society. The God of Small Things also attracted criticism, mainly in India, for promoting 'corrupting' morals.
The story is seen through the eyes of Estha and Rahel, two egg twins, yet 'a rare breed of Siamese twins, physically separate, but with joint identities.' The fateful events are triggered by the arrival of their Uncle Chacko's former English wife and daughter Sophie. Sophie accidentally drowns whilst boating with Estha and Rahel. At the same time, their mother Ammu's affair with Velutha, a member of India's untouchable caste, is discovered, bringing shame to the family. Scheming, manipulating grand-aunt Baby Kochamma successfully convinces the twins that they purposely killed Sophie because of jealously, but should they blame Velutha - a man they dearly love -they and their mother will avoid prison. Velutha is consequently killed in an appalling act of police brutality. Ammu is banished by her family and eventually dies. The twins are separated; finally meeting again as adults in the present day.
Publisher: Flamingo Release Date: 9 June 1997 List Price: £5.99 Paperback 352 pp.
Roy tells the story not in a coherent sequence but through constant backwards and forwards movement between the present day, 1969 and beyond. Whilst this can confuse at times, it successfully intrigues the reader plus allowing Roy to weave different strands into her complex and colourful fabric. One enjoys plenty of humour in an essentially tragic book, which neither lessens nor detracts from the magnitude of the storyline. Stock figures include Chacko, reputedly prime ministerial material unable to run a pickle factory, Comrade Pillai the corrupt Communist, and Baby Kochamma, with her fetish for cable TV in old age. Language provides mirth too: joyful wordplay like 'viable dieable age'; English characters are Indianised - Margaret Kochamma and Sophie Moi; Shakespeare's grandiloquence is spouted by children in Indian dialect. It is a tribute to Roy's genius that she continuously manages to blend this amusing childish simplicity with beautifully lyrical, poetic phrases, as well as intellectually profound philosophical comments on 'the rules' of love, caste, power and the breaking of taboos.
Certain parts of The God of Small Things are disturbing. There is Estha's sickening and traumatic molestation by a drinks vendor in a cinema. Then there is a hint of an incestuous relationship between Estha and Rahel as adults. Though controversial, this displays Roy's boldness as a writer in questioning society's role regarding established convention and the breaking of taboos. However, it is not these examples which provoked criticism in India, but the love-making between Ammu and Velutha. Probably not for the sexual descriptions, but for the nature of the relationship. A relationship between a middle-class factory owner's daughter and an untouchable carpenter's son from the lowest caste shocks upholders of India's anarchic social caste system as seen in the novel. Here Roy attacks their prejudice and small-mindedness not through anger, but through love. Velutha, a pariah by caste, is 'The God of Small Things' and the embodiment of perfection. The beauty of his and Ammu's love, though shortlived, though fateful, trumps the tragedies of the storyline and it is fitting that this should be the last scene of the book. Like Romeo and Juliet, like Heathcliffe and Cathy, the perfection of their love s^ms to transcend worldly strife.

New Releases
The Graft by Martina Cole
(Headline)
Cole's latest novel about modern bravery. A society in which the private life is frequently disturbed by intruders is hardly a perfect one. Passionate, thrilling. The Graft will enter your space with no desire of being ignored.
Lone Wolf by Felix Dennis
(Hutchinson)
Witty, and easily confused as a promoter of nursery rhymes, Dennis will keep you laughing in solitude. His poems seem to be the irruption of a universal inner child fascinated with word-play. A mature child. Or maybe a childish adult? Unlikely.
Kroetz Plays 1 by Franz Xavier Kroetz
(Methuen Publishing Ltd)
A first collection in English of the most popular modern German playwrights. The current edition includes Request Concert, The Nest, Mensch Meier and Through the Leaves. Private tragedies become intoxicated in the physicality of the characters, creating a highly personal claustrophobic study of humanity.
Star
by Pamela Anderson
(Simon & Schuster)
OK... Anderson, like Bardot, is no Balzac, nor Jackie Collins even. And yet, what hyper-sexed undergrad would refuse to read the first novel from the first lady of lust. Surprisingly delightful, and not a bad read actually. There are worse things in life. For some of us there will be nothing better.
The thought of the week...
I gave myself to him, And took himself for pay....
Emily Dickinson (22)
26 October 2004
¦V
n^.



.^' t


i
Half a century for
The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien
irinajanakievska takes you on a journey to Middle-Earth
Publisher: HarperCollins Release Date: 1 December 2004 List Price: £35.00 Hardcover 1168 pp.
"in a hole in the ground there lived a hob-bit." A simple phrase, scribbled on a piece of blank exam answer-book paper while marking exam papers at Oxford was to be the beginning of an astonishing journey into Middle-Earth by one of the best loved fantasy writers of all time, John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (1892-1973). Once Tolkien had scribbled this phrase, he decided that he must further explore what a hobbit was and why .it lived in a hole in the ground. This turned into a story Tolkien wrote for and told his children. The manuscript came to the attention of Allen & Unwin publishing firm. Stanley UnwIn tested the
story on his ten-year old son who wrote an extremely favourable 'report' of Tolkien's story. The Hobbit was published in 1937 and has been recommended children's reading ever since. Stanley Unwin then asked Tolkien for a sequel to The Hobbit, rather than publishing Tolkien's mythological account of Middle-Earth The Silmarillion, which Unwin thought would be commercially unpublishable.
The sequel to The Hobbit became known as The Lord of the Rings trilogy: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers and The Return of the King - a monumental work that took over 12 years to complete. The first two volumes were published in 1954, while the third was published on 20 October 1955. The Lord of the Rings was initially intended to be published in six volumes (reduced to three because of publishing costs) with a further volume of indices and appendices going beyond a simple ' index of names and strange words', but a glossary with Tolkien's incredible etymological information.
The Lord of the Rings became much more than a chijdren's story. It became an opus of glorious proportions dealing with themes such as the battle of good and evil, the quest of a tiny hobbit struggling to save Middle-Earth despite all odds, love, war and the thirst for power. Many readers encounter difficulties induced by Tolkien's private grammar and phonetic tools not normally encountered in a novel, compounded by the use of invented names and languages, invented writing systems,
and use of old English words. The Lord of the Rings was set in a pre-historic era, in an invented version of the world which Tolkien named the Middle English name of Middle-Earth. Tolkien's world included Elves, Dwarves, Trolls, Ores, Men (and women), Ents and of course, Hobbits. However, once the reader transcends completely into Middle-Earth, heart and mind, what becomes apparent, aside from the superb storytelling, is Tolkien's sensibility to the rural English countryside, painting with prose a Turnerian landscape. The portrayals of evil epitomised by the all-seeing eye of Sauron are the finest and most terrifying in literature, diametrically opposed to the most exquisite depictions of beauty personified by the elves. Tolkien's descriptions convey the subtlest of impressions with dramatic force.
As well as extraordinary storyteller, Tolkien was a well-respected scholar of the English language, specialising in Old and Middle English, and twice Rawlinson and Bosworth Professor of Anglo-Saxon at Oxford University. He wrote and published several other articles, scholarly essays and significant editions and translations of landmark Middle English works such as the Ancrene Wisse, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Sir Orfeo and The Pearl.
Scholar, literary genius... and finally a brief word on Tolkien, the "god" of the "cult classic", who revived, if not inspired, fantasy literature. To name a few "cult" ^ examples, from the inspiring such as envi- -ronmentalists who picked up on Tolkien's
concern with ecological issues (think Saruman's brutal destruction of the Ents' habitat), to the "Alternative Society" and "counter-culturalists" who saw Tolkien as voicing their concerns in a brutal analogy of contemporary culture, feminists who pick up on female empowerment, to the downright bizarre whose idea of a fabulous night out was LSD and a copy of The Lord of The Rings. The cult remains: J.R.R Tolkien's impact on 20^'^ century literature is immense, and deservedly so.
It remains to say that 2005 will initiate the start of a hugely significant year, the 50^'^ anniversary of Britain's "Favourite Big Read" and "Book of the Century", including the publication of a special one-volume 50^'^ Anniversary collector's edition of The Lord of the Rings. Read it, pre-ciousssssss...yesss..



music
edited by Matt Boys and Ben Howarth
Portland's 'The Hunches' seem to have a penchant for juxtaposition. When they toured 2003's Yes. No. Shut it. they supported Australia's terminally dull cock-rockers Jet at the Barfly. This time sees them headlining over Newcastle's The Sound Explosion, who seem to base their act on a single word: contrivance.
Derivative songs alone are not necessarily a bad thing, but accompanied by sucking the dick of every rock cliche in the book, they would be more aptly named "the shite explosion", as someone commented loudly from the back of the room.
Anyway. The simple fact is; that the
Hunches are one of only two bands ever to have made me cry spontaneously whilst listening to their CD. And then smile so wide that my cheeks ached. It seems incredible that music so primal and raucous, and, well, noisy, can carry with it the force of untold emotions of sadness, hope, friendship and, well, just life
itself. Instead of swinging from one emotion to another in the conventional way of many bands (some of them great, some good, some terrible), they somehow encapsulate them all at the same time. One gets the unsettling feeling that this is not conscious: this is something special; this is the real thing this time...
On stage, they embody everything that Jet and The Sound Explosion don't. Real emotion is played out in front of, and in amongst, the audience. This band doesn't try: they don't need to. The band's rocking out is full of spastic motion as they let the music tumble from their instruments, not playing so much as letting the music come to us. The singer switches from squealing and growling into the microphone to banging on an oil drum with a broken flute to making incredible noises with a clarinet. During the course of their set 1 am moved to tears, moved to dancing, moved to smiling like a 5 year old on Christmas morning. At one point, the guy standing next to me leans over and shouts, "what do you think?" I've never seen him before. I lean over and shout, "fucking amazing". We both smile with glee.
Over there's the guy who keeps jumping on the singer, on the guitarist. Dry-humping them til they both fall over. "Get the fuck off him, you twat! Let him play!" shouts someone from the bar. He has missed the point. The kid is just expressing himself: reaching out and touching the music, interacting the way he's forced to. Right now, it's the guy at the bar who's the twat, not the other way around.
mattboys
Joncollins attends a
Primal Screann came onstage at 12.30 on Saturday night to a packed Brixton Academy. They were the final act of a night of performances in aid of The HOPING Foundation, a charity for Palestinian children. All were excellent, but the crowd was there to see Primal Scream, and by the time they came on stage the expectation of the crowd had reached boiling point.
The evening had started with a brief set by Steve Mason from the Beta Band, who was dwarfed by the vast stage and struggled to engage the crowd as they drifted in, still hours before the main event. Following him, Nick Cave, seated centre stage at a grand piano, gave a brilliant, intense performance, his powerful vocals filling the cavernous Academy. Visceral and compelling, he stunned the crowd and really got the evening started. Spiritualized were the final warm up act, and their lively set did a perfect job in preparing the crowd for Primal Scream.
As you would expect from a Primal Scream gig, the celebrity count was high, and the band were introduced by Kate Moss, who famously collabo-
charity function...
rated with them on 'Some Velvet Morning'. She didn't sing tonight though as the band put on a powerful and adrenalin packed show with Bobby Gillespie full of energy and dominating the stage. Mani was clearly having technical problems on bass, at one point he stormed off stage and at another he launched a punch at a troublesome amp, but the band still sounded fantastic. The eclectic set list gelled brilliantly, with the majority from their last two studio albums, XTRMNTR and Evil Heat, alongside highlights from older albums and only one song from the classic Screamadelica.
Incoherent between songs, Gillespie might have been enjoying a few pre-gig drinks, but his vocals were as good as I've ever heard them and as he ripped into each song is was good to be reminded what a proper rock and roll front man looks like. Coupled with brilliant lighting and in one of the UK's greatest live music venues, this was one the UK's best live bands on top of their form. Ending with the classic Movin' On Up, the Scream showed that 20 years into their career, they've still got what it takes.

The J^arer
26 October 2004
B:art
25
Albums
Nick Cave: Abattoir Blues/Ttie Lyre of Orptieus
Nick Cave (b'Tht Bad Seeds
oAbattoirHlues / The Lyre of Orpheus
Rodney P: The Future
The Freestylers: Raw as F**k
"...I sat down to watch the news on TV, I saw some ordinary slaughter, I saw some routine atrocity"
Armed to the teeth with a barrage of instruments, our Nick's got the Abattoir Blues, and is fortified complete with gospel choir to help testify.
Yes, once again he has delivered some of his finest craft, only this time he has seen fit to allow us a double helping of his own seasoned brand of ominous witticism.
You can forget about Spector's hallmark wall of sound, because here's an entire cave, so ferocious are some of the tracks on Abattoir Blues, that it seems almost
as if we could be witnessing a stylistic return to form circa The Birthday Party.
In stark contrast however, comes The Lyre of Orpheus, a far more mellow affair, which sees the satanically gifted Bad Seeds on top form, fronted by the legendary Warren Ellis of Dirty Three fame, ablaze on fiddle.
Although Abattoir Blues may come as a shock to the system for any first time 'Caver', The Lyre of Orpheus will reconcile the experience, while the inveterate fan will relish the spoils of this storm of epic grandiosity that is Nick Cave's Abattoir Blues.
(neshwaboukhari)
Cake: Pressure Chief
The fifth album release from Sacramento's ccentrlc jazz-rockers proves to be a mixed affair. Disturbing reports of singer John McCrea actually singing rather than his usual deadpan narrative style are true - melodies are more apparent on "Pressure Chief" than on previous releases. But this doesn't make the songs any better - the wobbly trumpet solos desperately try to hide the fact that Cake just aren't as off-the-wall, inventive and above all, amusingly informative as they once were.
"Carbon Monoxide" is a pop-punk song addressing the horrible emissions situation in America at the moment - "too much carbon monoxide for me to bear / Where's the air?". A catchy tune, but surely they should ¦ have discussed this topic years ago? SUVs have been disgustingly prevalent in the US
for too long. And this seems to sum up the band at the moment - years ago they were an exciting, innovative talent whose music challenged society, culture and politics. Now they are clearly behind their time, and less relevant in a society that is more concerned with political scandal than with environmental issues. Presumably in a show of solidarity to the "Food Names in Band Titles" group. Cake also include a version of Bread's "Guitar Man". This obligatory cover is good, but they don't quite reinvent it like they did with the fabulous "I Will Survive" on "Fashion Nugget". Neither does McCrea dazzle lyrically quite like he used to - there is nothing as brilliantly irreverent as "Italian Leather Sofa" here. Sadly, Cake are no longer as delicious as their edible namesake.
(jondekeyser)


Kick-back in a dark smoke-filled room with the lifeless presence of your friends and you have cultured the perfect environment to soak up Rodney P's blend of Hip-Hop, Reggae-infused beats. The fact that the guy can carry off the name 'Rodney' with no rise of a snigger should be enough to classify him as 'a legend'...but his new album certainly adds weight to this acclaim. For all Hip-Hop lovers, rest assured that 'The Future' has stayed true to its past- sombre 'dirty' lyrics of hardship feature aplenty. The tracks blend seamlessly-although at times monotonously- together. The odd bits of scratching and feature lyrics from the more melodically inclined remind the listener that the album is something more than a background din, whilst disjoint electronic beats introduce a subtle
'funk' element to the album. There is little doubt that Rodney P is a skilful and talented MC....who else could make ghet-toised story-telling so accessible to the unlikely masses? Track seven on the album, the paradoxically entitled 'I Don't Care (Time to Party) and 'Trouble' are both first-rate examples of where the beat and lyrics have managed to find a unique and effectual union. If you know what Rodney P is about then this album definitely offers enough for it to not gather dust in amongst your music collection-give it a few more rounds and you are likely to make it your staple. If however you think Hip-Hop is more about your P-Diddy and your Ja Rule then you are well out of sync with this one...Rodney P is keeping it real.
(hannacork)
I
RA,WASP-K|
Goodness me - I last bounced to one of The Freestylers' releases sometime back in the last century! I have a vague memory of watching them on a Glastonbury review programme back in 1998, but to be honest I haven't really given them a second thought since. Thankfully though, someone has been able to scrape end's ¦ meat together to release this little shiner.
Raw as F**k is a strange title for the album, given that large sections are really quite smoothly done. What is even stranger is that a copy has only just arrived at Beaver Heights this week, but the album has been out since July. I'd just like to re-iterate how cutting edge we are here at BeaveriMusic.
able to whack everything into the mixer. It's pretty much all there; sleazy disco, dub reggae, cutting hip-hop, euphoric dance, drum 'n' bass, nods to early 90s house... This may leave RAF open to the accusation of being too grand and varied a project. On the other hand, one could also say that it is simply the creation of people with enormous record collections and who know how to have a damn good night out.
Back in the halcyon days of eighteen months ago, I was able to get mashed up on a Friday night and dance without inhibition to kick-ass tunes like these. Now, thanks to this album an old man like me will be able to do that every night of the week in his very own living room.
On this release. The Freestylers have been (laurencekavanagh)
Singles
Destiny's Child: Lose My Breath
Lose my breath - that's what happened to me when 1 was handed the new DC single It's been a long time, ladies... a long time since music was this funkily dirty. A song of sharp, sinister riffs and jerky beats with breathy, staccato vocals purring phrases like 'Can you keep up, baby boy?' and 'Hit me hard' ensures this does exactly what it says on the tin. Fabulous.
(jimmytam)
Fatboy Siim: SlashDotDash
Random rubbish guitar. TERRIBLE scratch effects. THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING VOCALS KNOWN TO MAN. SLASH DOT DASH DOT SLASH DOT DASH DOT COM. These are neither desirable nor appropriate lyrics. "Singing" in punctuation is not big or clever. Also, the B-side is that shockingly insipid tune from the 02 adverts (and the tune they play while you're on hold for customer services). You know the one, it sounds like a dull headache.
(jondekeyser^ U2: Vertigo
The single taken,from U2's new album 'How to Dismantle an Atom Bomb', due for release in November 22nd, makes for a genuinely pleasurable listening experience. The track carries the usual U2 rock/pop signature with Bono's staccato 'Cobain esque' vocals bouncing-off a winning guitar hook. The lyrics aren't particularly deep and imaginative- a refreshing change from U2's usual over-politicised musical sermonising.
(hannacork)
Archie Bronson Outfit: Here He Comes
Apparently there's a man on the loose and we all have to hide from him. Scurry away children! With a sound reminiscent of PJ Harvey or The Stooges (obviously in the process of scurrying away from something), the ABOs have decided to accompany us in our hurry with this filthy toe-tapping ditty.
(laurencekavanagh)
Three Days Grace: Just Like You
As if supporting Hoobastank, Puddle of Mudd and Nickleback wasn't enough, these tragic nu-metallers have deemed it appropriate to unleash an awful new single on the unsuspecting British public. Their last release was "1 Hate Everything About You". Enough said.
O'ondekeyser)
Goidie Lookin Chain: Your mother's got a penis
GLC are unlikely to be invited to perform in the Shaw Library on Thursday lunchtimes, though it might do LSE students good to be verbally abused by Newport chavs. This is the Welsh comedy rappers' second single from their first album proper. Greatest Hits, and it's safe as fuck.
(sarahtayior) Depeche iVIode: Enjoy the siience
Cant imagine what a remix of said ancient troubadores of leather clad new romantic glum, doom and gloom, would sound like? Then you'll be pleasantly surprised, as the likes of Timo Maas snip and splice their way through Dave Gahans latest single offering. Why theres even a dash of vocoder there.
Enjoy the silence? Id rather not.
(neshwalx>ukhari)
IW
2a

The Beaver
26
film
edited by Daiii Ismail and Sarah Coughtrie
The Grudge
sarahrizzo enters at her own risk.





*fe- '


"When someone dies in the grip of a powerful rage, a curse is left behind. It never forgives, it never forgets" This is tlie omni-nous mantra of The Grudge, based on the 2003 Japanese blockbuster JU-ON: The Grudge. This forewarning, in the film's ads and opening credits, eludes to the ravenous fear that Japanese director Takashi Shimizu instills in viewers at an unrelenting pace - ensuring against any likelihood that this grudge is to be forgotten.
Filmed and set in Tokyo, Karen (Sarah Michelle Cellar) is an exchange student studying social work when she is asked to substitute for a worker who doesn't show up. This sets the stage for Karen to enter the house of an American woman and encounter the terror inside. Entrance promises only an eventual, horrific death. The cursed house is expertly crafted as the movie's "main character," but unfortunately lacks plot suspense because of
Director: Takashi Shimizu Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Clea Duvall, Jason Behr Certificate: 15 Release Date: 5 Novennber
the highly predictable explanation for why it's cursed.
Themes of disillusionment and isolation are well embodied by the film's American characters who experience culture shock. The house contrasts the foreign streets and cold high-rises of Tokyo. Paradoxically, it's this familiar "English" place which houses the curse. Gellar's performance harks back to her days as the stereotypical "blond, large-busted" victim in / Know What You Did Last Summer and Scream 2 — only difference is Geliar's bra size has gone from C to B.
Shimizu's skillfully orchestrated images and sounds create the Japanese horror genre's infamously palpable fear, saving "The Grudge" from mediocrity. While frightening throughout, the film seems incomplete due to its uninspiring plot and lack of character development.
The Grudge will unavoidably be compared to the 2002 American blockbuster The Ring, the remake of the Japanese RIngu (see our Intro to Japanese horror). Indeed, many images, most notably the long black-haired woman, are all too familiar. The Grudge differs from its predecessor with its disorienting non-sequential narrative (reminiscent of Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's 21 Grams, albeit a less complicated format).
The Grudge may well have the inevitable fate of being deemed a copycat, despite its originality and arguably scarier scenes. At the end of the film, Shimizu successfully leaves the audience feeling that they too, have been inside the house, allowing viewers' fears to persist well beyond the theater...
ie "k "k
NFT November Specials

Horror Season
Running from 5 Nov - 30 Dec, this is a season of films surveying the history of the horror film. Conveniently showing jut after i-lailowe'en, 40 of the greatest big screen horror films from around the world will be screened at £6 for students. Members get a £1 discount - see the next page for details on how to get an NFT membership.
FRI NOV 5 - 620pm, 840pm
Friday The 13th Part III
Serial killer Jason once again dons his infamous mask to wreak vengeance In the most successful horror franchises of the 80s.
SAT NOV 6 - 6.10
Night Of The Living Dead
The predecessor of Dawn... and Day Of The Dead remains a powerful socio political thriller, as it takes its inspiration from the racial and political troubles of late 60s America
In your local Blockbuster...
In your local cinen
The Manchurian Candidate
Anyone expecting a run-of-the-mill Denzel Washington thriller should be warned -this film has some rather unusual scenes of comic relief that you just know the director wasn't going for. A relatively interesting, soft-core mindfuck of a remake, I'd watch it if only for Meryl Streep's bitchy role, in which she excels.
Finding Neveriand
Playing playwright J M Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan, Johnny Depp doesn't disappoint as the character that is depressed by his own success. Also set to star in Willy Wonky and the Chocolate Factory, it is obvious his obsession with all things childish has not become a thing of the past.
The Corporation
Though I thoroughly dislike Michael Moore, he made docu-movies cool and for this film, I thank him for it. While my co editor doesn't agree with me, this film about the omnipresence of "the corporation" in our every day lives is original and captivating, though an hour too long.
Littie Biack Bool^
Brittany Murphy stars as the floozy who's got it all, but decides to ruin it by snooping through her boyfriend's Palm Pilot to find out about his exes. An impressive cast carries this slightly dark rom-com.
Troy
Masterpiece? Poor man's Gladiator? Anyone care? Anyone?
Dawn of the Dead
I watched this remake because of a Maddox review (httD://maddox.xmis-sion.com/c.cgi?u=dawn rules), and it was perhaps the funniest horror since Cabin Fever. A baby gets shot in the face, which I think says it all.
iVIean Girls
As teen comedies go, this is absolutely hilarious without being too heavy handed on the moral message front, largely due to the input of the Saturday Night Live
crew. New girl, pretty girls, boys, cliques etc. Well worth it.
Ring Trilogy
We've spent a fair whack of time talking about Japanese horror this week, so imagine my surprise when I saw what's in your local blockbuster this week. Run along, my pretties...
The Ladykillers
All the reviews seemed to agree that this was a tired remake of the classic Ealing comedy. You may wish to give this the benefit of the doubt since it's made by the Coen brothers, but to be honest, I haven't seen it, I dont intend to, and I suggest you don't either.
?
26 October 2004
tVASfl
B:art
Five Children And It
gerardraiti: Harry Potter's predecessor falls short..

I
Director: John Stephenson Starring: Kenneth Branagh Wanamaker, Eddie Izzard Certificate: U Release Date: 15th Octob(
^ i ¥ A
Long before J.K. Rowling and C.S. Lewis, there lived an acclaimed children's author in England named Edith Nesbit. Her most famous work, 5 Children and It, finds its cinematic adaptation arriving in theatres on October 22, thanks in no part to Capitol Films and Jim Henson's Creature Shop. Its greatest pitfall, however, is that Nesbit's original story does not cater to 21st-century children, lacking the fast-paced, high excitement, edginess, and magic that dominate children's movies today.
This overly polite, slow-paced family adventure set during WWI boasts a hodge-
podge of a cast, including Kenneth Branagh, Eddie Izzard, Zoe Wanamaker.
The movie's premise is that five children are sent to the countryside to stay with their eccentric Uncle Albert (Branagh) while their parents assist in England military defence. They somehow crawl through an enchanted greenhouse doorway, or "through the looking glass," into some tropical dimension where they encounter It (Izzard), an 8,000-year old sand fairy. (And yes, this sounds like a poor man's The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.) Izzard does his best at a Robin Willams Aladdin Genie rip-off, but fails miserably in the process by mixing 21st
, Zoe
century stand-up comedy in a 1920s period film. The sand fairy grants the children several wishes, which unsurprisingly, go astray.
Like Nesbit's book, the film is episodic in relation to the wishes. The plot ultimately feels disjointed with only a weak cathartic theme of sibling responsibility and paternal love transcending the film. Part of the film's inadequacies are attributable to newbie writer David Solomons, whose only prior credits include The Fabulous Bagel Boys (2001) on BBCl.
The lesson to be learnt from 5 Children and It is not the power of wishes, the love for fathers, or the responsibility of power. The true lesson is that some fairy tales are not substantial enough to carry a 90-minute feature film. So despite J.K. Rowling's remarks, "The author with whom I identify most is E. Nesbit. She did some great, funny fairy tales," remember that this movie should have remained just on the pages of children's story books. Unless you have an insatiable desire to see Harry Potter's forefather, save your quid and go see Shark Tale.
Competition Winner!
Congratulations to Goltlian Ayturk for
winning the Shark Tale competition, the answer to which was Casino
Join the NFT
The National Film Theatre's film seasons offer people a chance to watch unique classics films, television programmes, music promos as well as having illustrated talks. As a member, you can get a free film ticket a year, reduced ticket prices, a discount on a subscrition to Empire Magazine and advance priority booking for all films and festivals, all for £15 for concessions (£9 off regular membership).
Get in touch with me if you'd like a membership form!
Beaverfilm@yahoo.com
Battle Royale (2000)
baberzal^a & madelinewarren obviously get off on the violent and creepy
Director: Kinji Fukasaku Starring: Tatsuya Fujiwara, Aki Maeda, Tara Yamamoto Running Time: 114 min
Released first in Japan in 2000, Batoru rowaiaru begins by showing how, due to a lack of respect, teenage violence escalates to a point where the government decides to pass the "Millennium Educational Reform Act'...AKA: The BR Act". This Act allows the government to pick a class of students at random and transport them to a deserted island where officials strap explosives on all the kids and force them to kill each other. If there's more than one person standing after three days, all the bombs are detonated. The choice is either to kill your friends and lovers, or be killed.
Imagine a mixture between Lord of the Files and Carrie] a bunch of high school kids with crushes, grudges and a tonne of insecurities are given semi-automatic machine guns, tazers, axes and other deadly weapons. Be warned - this film is not for those pf a delicate disposition as there's copious amounts of blood, violence and gore.
This movie is one of a kind; expect some surprises and a splattering of dark humour. Also, however, expect the usual behaviour of horror movie characters. The
director attempts to superimpose the usual issues of high school life - gangs of bullies, the popular group of backstabbing girls and the soppy love stories you'd expect - onto the horrific setting of the movie.
This has to be one of the most messed up films I have ever seen, whilst simultaneously being one of the funniest. Imagine the goriest aspects of Kill Bill, multiply this a hundredfold, add to this a quirky Japanese humour and several rather soppy but altogether 'aawAvw' storylines and you'll end up with this truly legendary and unforgettable film. After all, how can a film which stars a psycho sickle carrying bitch, with a blood thirst that Tarantino would be proud of, be worth missing?
Intro to Japanese Horror
Like its porn, Japanese horror has become well-known for being far more graphic and disturbing than the pansy ass efforts of Hollywood, and with good reason. With the US remake of RIngu a box office hit and Battle Royale gaining cult classic status. The Tartan Video company has become a major distributor of these video nasties through its Asia Extreme range. Also check out their Tartan Terror range for English language horror which probably won't make it to the big screen, but will lurk in good video stores under plain black covers because photos would be "too disturbing".
It's all very dramatic, and if you're a horror fan it's well worth it to hunt until you find this stuff. Fopp on the corner of Charing Cross Road and Shaftsbury Avenue usually has a small selection, or buy online at http://www.metro-tartan.co.uk/home-page.html from the new year, or the usual Amazon type outlets. Here's a few choice cuts...	</
Audition (Odishon) (2000)
A widower agrees to screen test girls to take the place of his late wife, and, since this is a movie, obviously picks the psycho of the bunch. Graphic torture scenes and lots of screaming.
RIngu (1998)
Against all odds the American remake of Ring was surprisingly frightening, but its no great shocker that the original blows it away. The plot is similar, revolving around a video that kills its viewers a week after watching. Absolutely terrifying, and a good place to start.
Happiness of the Katakurls (2004)
Released in September, this is billed as a horror zombie remake of T/ie Sound of Music. Hopefully after seeing this version you won't need to go into a bar and get a stranger to do very bad things to you just to get rid of that sick, sweet feeling. Sounds like a must for Rocky Horror fans.
2S

Hero
natalievassilouthis can finally stop holding her breath..,
Originally released in 2002, Chinese director Zhang Yimou's latest effort only just hit the UK silver screens this month, rewarding those who have been anticipating it with a climactic ending to almost two years of holding our breaths to bursting point. The film opens with Nameless (Jet Li) recounting his tale, after having been summoned by the King of Qin. We are in ancient China and there is constant strife between the seven warring kingdoms.
Simultaneously, imagery opens onto sweeping shots of mountains and plateaus in a dramatically barren landscape, with only the shadows of fleeting clouds marring an otherwise uninterrupted brown sand surface. Hearts stop at the sheer magnificence of the imagery. The storyline continues with the arrival of Nameless at the palace, where it is declared that he has been called to receive an award for the killing of the three deadliest assassins in China, who
L4yer Cake
andrewgoldfinch bites into the cake..
Promoted as a successor to Lock Stock and TWo Smoking Barrels and Snatch,
Matthew Vaughn's Layer Cake is more of a cousin than son. The central character, an unnamed middle-class, middle-aged, middle-ranked drug broker played by Daniel Craig is, we are told, in the drug business only for the money. He has no wish to become a drug baron, no desire to ascend up "the layer cake". He's done well, very well, and is about to enjoy early retirement. But Jimmy Price (Kenneth Cranham), a powerful man at the top of the layer cake, instructs the main character to do one last drug transaction with "the Duke", a kind of Delboy lower down the layer cake. The Duke screws up big time, making a very powerful enemy, and implicating our nameless hero in the process. And to make matters worse Jimmy Price is plotting against him.
Director: Matthew Vaughn Starring: Daniel Craig, Kenneth Cranham, Michael Gannbon Certificate: 15 Release date: OUT NOW
As one can foresee, the story essentially follows the "hero is betrayed, destroys the bad guy, becomes the boss" archetype, but with a surprising twist in the last scene. Cast performance was'generally good, except for one scene with Colm Meany (who plays Gene). After learning of Price's death. Gene takes it upon himself to repeatedly smash the main character's head into a freezer. But there was no intensity. It was pale and vastly inferior to a parallel scene in Lock Stock where VInnie Jones, repeatedly smashes a car door into a guy's head.
A particularly weak area of the film was the attempt to add depth of personality to the main character by giving him a conscience. It failed miserably, and made him look shallow. The main character's little infatuation with some blonde tart was also empty, but necessary for the last scene. One or two minor story lines were not tied up (e.g. the story of the Eddie Temple's daughter), but perhaps they will be in the inevitable special-edition-with-extra-interviews-with-the-cameraman-and-cleaning-lady DVD.
But perhaps we shouldn't be too critical. Granted, the film does make a half-baked attempt at tragedy and conscience with the main character, and it should be scolded for pitifully failing in this questionable venture. But if we ignore this attempt, and view it only as an entertaining gangster movie, then it is a success.
* * *
had posed a constant threat to the King. In a series of recounted tales of Nameless's quest, the story leading to this confrontation unfolds with a measured pace not unlike the steady look and calculated movements of a seasoned swordsman. Yet it is soon realised that the plot, for all its apparent weaknesses, takes a tertiary place in the visual feast that is Hero.
Do not expect Zhang to approach his subject with innovative camerawork or impossibly complex shots. On the other hand, do expect a use of colour and landscape that is so unfettered by inhibitions or pretence that the actors and their surroundings merge in perfect visual harmony.
Although the storyline is dominated by fighting in various forms, the director somehow manages to blend an impeccable choreography of martial arts using myriad weapons with the astonishingly beautiful nature in which it is filmed. Especially scalded into memory is the scene in which Flying Snow (Maggie Cheung) is challenged by Moon (Zhang Ziyi), while she sits in a forest of falling yellow autumn leaves. The image of the
Director: Michael Mann Starring: Daniel Day Lewis, Madeleine Stowe, Russell Means Certificate: 15 Running Time: 112 min
Adapted from the book of the same name by James Fennimore Cooper, this is a story set around 1757, during a period of violent unrest in North America in the midst of The French and Indian War. More than an austere war narrative, the conflict is cleverly used as milieu to tell a tale of passion and love, honour and brotherhood, tragedy and sacrifice. As two sisters Cora (Stowe) and Alice (May) set out to find their father they become the target of French troops and their cohorts. The women are helped by Hawkeye (Day-Lewis), an orphan adopted by the last of
The Beaver
26 October 2004
Director: Yimou Zhang
Starring: Jet Li, Tony Leung Chlu Wai,
Maggie Cheung, Zhang Ziyi, Daomlng
Chen, Donnie Yen
Running Time: 96 min
Release Date: Out Now!
two women, dressed entirely in vibrant red, against a backdrop of intense yellow, with the sound of the rustling leaves accompanying every crescendo of the battle, is truly unforgettable. If there is any motif to be found, it most certainly has to do with Zhang's impressive ability to use natural sounds and images to create cinematic compositions that never cease to stun.
This may seem like a rave. Partially because, well, it is. Although the plot and dialogue are minimal and leave quite a lot to be desired, the director does not fail to capture with significant efficacy some of the most basic truths about the martial arts. The film concludes, after having twisted and turned through complications, with a message that is so shocking in its simplicity, yet so pure in its meaning that it manages to transcend the boundaries of the film and form a statement that achieves a touching poignancy in its current context.

the Mohicans and from here the adventure begins. The magic of the film lies in two very different love stories fiercely performed by an excellent cast. First, a love between Cora and Hawkeye that is profound, refractory and passionate, and the second between Alice and a Mohawk that is pure, innocent and unknowing.
Michael Mann (The Insider, Heat) brilliantly communicates a message so succinctly displayed at the start of the new Chinese masterpiece Hero; "In war, there are hero's on both sides." In this way we experience love and dislike for the British, The French, the colonials and the Indians at the same time!
Above all else the movie is a traditional love story and a humbling experience for the spectator, which invites him or her to understand that the Indian Nations - so hatefully and needlessly slaughtered -lived by sacred codes of honour and custom. They too understood the basic human condition to love and to fight for what you believe in, without being blinded by glory, hate or greed.
The epic, brutal battle sequences will grab you by the neck, the spectacular panoramic scenery will stretch your eyes open, the music score will send a shiver down your spine, the two tales of love will tug at your heart, and the climactic, breathtaking finale will urge tears to roll down your cheeks. Do not watch this film on your own, watch it with someone you love, and talk about it aftenwards.
Last Of The Mohicans
andrewwallwork reviews this 1992 classic
26 October 2004
BtarT
29
theatre
edited by Carolina Bunting and Keith Postler
Dance Umbrella
carolinebray's view on visual acrobatics
f,


Event: London's 26th International Festival of Contemporary Dance Where: Sadler's Well, Barbican Theatre, Queen Elisabeth Hall, Robin Howard Dance Theatre End Date: November 27 Times: Varied
In London each year the months of October and November are host to a celebration of dance called Dance Umbrella. Companies such as the Shen Wei Dance Arts, Foundation Jean-Pierre Perreault and 0 Vertigo converge on London to provide a visual dream for the theatrically inclined. If the world 'ballet' conjures images of middle-aged audiences, skinny girls in tutus, men with over sized cod pieces and falling asleep during the first act then look again. Contemporary dance has hit London with a powerful punch.
My adventures under the Umbrella have so far consisted of two varied performances from the world's greatest dance companies. Early October saw Merce Cunningham bring his New York based company to the Barbican. Cunningham's productions are no ordinary feat. He was renowned in the 1970s for collaborating with the great composer John Cage to create modern abstract dance performed to syncopated, experimental classical
music. His recent show this month included music played through sea shells and scores written by rock bands Radiohead and Sigor Ros.
Cunningham pushes his creativity to the limits and the staging of Split Sides was decided by a dice being rolled at the beginning of the show. Each combination decides which costumes will be worn, which set will be used and which music will be played. The dancers know only minutes before going on stage what their task is. This allows for an ever-changing evolutionary process of dance. The choreographic genius has been renowned in the past for putting on ballets with androgynously dressed dancers which plunge you into the middle of an eternal dance, continuing long after your evening has ended. His dancers use an idiosyncratic, jerky style and a wide mix of solos and duets intermingled with a full stage of dancers caught up in their own hypnotic movements.
Yet even the great niaster could not live up to the fantastical performance of the Shen Wei company last week. Chinese Artistic Director, Shen Wei, merges themes of dance, theatre, Chinese Opera, painting, sculpture, costume and a hybrid Western and Eastern cultural feel to produce explosive shows. The evening began
with a powerfully executed, possessed ballet to Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring and ended with an eerily abstract, haunt-ingly beautiful dance to Buddhist chants and music by John Tavener called Folding. Never before have I been so mesmerised by a production. Shen Wei's dancers are not individual figures - although solos are performed - but each person is consumed by the dance. The audience does not see a body led by his feet but a soul led by the music. Movements extend in a dramatically individual form from the torso and the shoulders, reaching out along the limbs and creating the impression that the movement continues poetically beyond the physical limit of the body.
I urge you all to take time to see at least one performance from this great festival. I paid merely £4 for my ticket at Sadler's Wells to see Shen Wei and due to the quality would happily have paid that tenfold. Look out for the Siobhan Davies Dance Company and Arc Dance Company in particular. For more information visit www.londondance.com and feed your ocular desires.
For more information check the website:
http://www.londondance.com/con-tent/1515/dance_umbrella_2004
1.SESXJ DRAMA SOCIETY
P.\NT01VaME AUOITIOKS
Tip
Check out the Lyric Hammersmith which sometimes runs £9 nights. If you book online, for any play, you'll get £1 off
The Woman in White
carolinabunting warns you off one of the greatest theatrical disappointnnents in London
Venue: Palace Theatre
Genre: Musical
Music: Andrew Lloyd-Weber
Days: Monday- Saturday, Matinee Wed
and Sat
Times: 19:30, mats 14:30 Bool<ing until: 5 March 2005
This is the worst, over-priced musical I have ever seen. In fact, I have yet to make up my mind on which offence infuriates me more: the overall poor quality of this play or the ridiculous prices they're charging innocent theatregoers like myself to endure a poor musical score and an overly predictable plot.
The musical is based on Wilkie Collin's thriller novel of the same name. Taking place in Victorian England; a "dashing" young man, Martin Hartright, is hired as an art tutor to two strong-minded sisters. He finds himself stranded at a remote railway cutting. There's an 'ominous' encounter with the railroad master who tells him "in a year's time there will be no one left". The suspense doesn't really kill anyone. Then a mysterious woman dressed in white runs out of the darkness desperate to share her secret. She repeatedly screeches "I have a secret, but can I trust you?" After about the fiftieth time, you really do stop caring. Mainly because, you've guessed her calamitous secret by the fifth shriek. The usual melodramas then ensue- love triangles, self-sacrifice, greed and deception. But we can always count on the power of love, right? Indeed, you can alvrays count on it to ruin a perfectly mediocre play.
Granted, most musicals aren't known for their exceptional story lines - Mamma Mia anyone? Unfortunately, the music barely compensates for the kindergarten standard of the lyrics and the dull narrative, It's outrageous that after casting some of the most talented contemporary singers in the world, that they should be forced to sing to such an uninspiring score. How Maria Friedman and Michael Crawford ever accepted such unchalleng-ing roles is probably the only mystery about The Woman in White.
So the plot leaves much to be desired, as does the music. What about the visuals? Yet another disappointment. The scenery relies on moving screens and projections that seem to have been designed by an eight year old in computer graphics class. In a style reminiscent of the background to the Tamagotchi games, one can only wonder where the money is going.
You've been warned, stay away from the Palace Theatre.
.w
Btarrif
26 October 2004
about
edited by Joanne Lancaster
Cultural Capitol
joannelancaster on why not to avoid the m-word


When most people think of museums, they think of school trips- either that or just yawn! But London has some amazing examples of museums to suit any taste. You can't avoid the major places everyone has heard of, but others which are further off the tourist trail can be just as interesting.
The British Museum is perhaps the best known of all the London museums- the most visited attraction in London- and it has to be well worth a visit even if you're not particularly Interested in the exhibits. Just wandering around, seeing the Great Court and the reading room and visiting the mummies and Elgin marbles should only take an hour or so, and the museum
is within ten or fifteen minutes walking distance of the LSE. If you do have an interest in history, art, anthropology or a specific culture you might not be able to fit the whole museum into one trip. Luckily it's free, so this should not be a problem.
The Natural History Museum is probably next on most tourists to-do list, which is not neccessarily a bad thing. Located at South Kensington along with the Science and V & A museum it is housed in an amazing building, whether or not it is to your taste is another question! Again there are levels of exhibits depending on your interest.
The dinosaur galleries and the earth galleries are the ones that everyone wants to see but there are many others, some tucked away in odd corners that seem to be half forgotten such as the mineral gallery. This is the place for human magpies who like sparkly precious stones. Another gem is the human biology section, especially for the interactive perception, coordination and memory tests. Regress to childhood along with everyone else as you attempt to describe to the police what the man with the knife really looked like!
The Science Museum is less popular than the Natural History Museum, and aimed more at children (or science geeks). But it's worth a look, and there are many Interactive exhibits if you can reach them between school parties! Exhibits include the first steam train and the command module of Apollo 10- if this excites you, you would love the museum. Ever wanted to act out Mission: Impossible? At the Secret Life of the Home exhibit you can, among other things, attempt to evade the infra-red beams of a burglar alarm.
Finally of the South Ken museums, the Victoria and Ailiert is very different in style to the first two. This is again one for historians, this time mostly British history. A favourite gallery of mine has always been the costume gallery, with clothes, shoes and accessories from the 17th century to the present day- whether this says more about me than the museum I don't know! But Victorian dresses with huge bustles are just as fascinating as the 1960s Mary Quant clothes.
^If you've always won-vdered what it was ylike wearing the ihooped crinolines /of Victorian 'ladies, you can 'find out in the ""British Galleries, as 'well as trying on a corset which has to be worth it just to see how much thinner you look! Also available are Sherlock Holmes cloaks, cravats and a gauntlet.
This week is probably not a good time to visit, as it is half term and the museums will be full of parents trying to force their children to be more cultured and spend
less time watching TV. It would be better to wait for a while and then try to go after 2PM when most of the school trips will have left. All the museums are free.
Less well known museums can be just as good and if you have a specialist interest you may be lucky and find a museum which matches it! For lovers of gore, avoid the overpriced tourist trap of the London Dungeon and visit the Ciinit Museum to find out what really went on in Tudor prisons and even try out a ball and chain! Price is £3 for concessions; the museum is outside London Bridge Station.
A slightly more friendly experience is the Museum of Childhood in Bethnal Green, featuring lots of teddy bears and other toys. Mostly fun for an "I used to have one of those" nostalgia fest, there are some lovely things such as working mechanical toy theatres and centuries-old dolls. And it's free.
Other possibilities include the Theatre Museum, the Design Museum, the Sherlock Holmes Museum, the Dickens Museum, the Imperial War Museum and Vinopolis (a museum about wine, includes wine tasting).
Surely one or more of these museums must have whetted your appetite for a cultural experience? Give them a try!
And now for something completely different...
About goes Walkabout!
The Awesome Spirit of Australia seems to have been replaced at Temple Walkabout on a Friday night by the awesome spirit of South Africa, but it hasn't displaced the backpacker atmosphere. On a Saturday though, the story is different. The average age is higher, with more typical English clubbers, more couples and fewer trainers and rugby shirts- the Aussie theme reduced to a few pictures of kangaroos. It's up to you which appeals!
Good news (perhaps) for the girls is the gender imbalance, you may find the only issue you have is how to get away from unwanted admirers. The better news (?) Most of the males in question happen to
be Aussies, Kiwis and Saffers... Do you need more persuasion? Or perhaps you're male? Walkabout is fun, with a good atmosphere. Drinks are reasonable as London prices go, and with admission for only a fiver on a Friday, £3 on Saturdays, you shouldn't have to strain your budget! It's open until Sam on Friday and Saturday, and they also have live music fairly frequently.
You're given a free meal voucher as you arrive- unfortunately this would mean wasting time that you could be dancing, and so I cannot tell you from experience whether the food is any good.
Nevertheless with an extensive menu ranging from pasta, salads, tortillas and all-day breakfast to crocodile and kangaroo fillets you should at the very least be spoilt for choice. They also have a £3 menu of baguettes and jacket potatoes if
you want to fill up cheaply.
Do NOT attend Walkabout hoping for an experience which is in any way cool. Naff is the order of the day from the Aussie theme decor to the chat up lines, and not
of course forgetting the music. This ranges from current chart music to pop, dance and light rock classics from such people as Michael Jackson and Bon Jovi-with regular helpings of cheese. Again, do NOT attend Walkabout if the idea of dancing to S Club 7 fills you with dread!
There isn't much of a dress code at Walkabout, jeans and trainers are all fine-just make sure you don't wear shoes or trousers that are in any way delicate as the floor gets filthy with a sort of ooze. Watch out for the bouncers as they have been known to be a little heavy handed-make sure you take ID even if you haven't looked 17 since you were twelve and do not, whatever you do, stand anywhere near the stairs. Finally make sure you leave your cynicism in the cloakroom where it belongs!
26 October 2004


Your Guide to What's On This Week
email: su.societies@lse.ac.uk
LSESU Live Music Society
presents.....
OPEN MIC
7 30 pm
Undergroxuid Bar
For those interested in playing e-mail:	Hemant at
I Su.Soc.Livemusic@lse.ac.uk for further details, otherwise turn up on the night, enjoy the raw musical ability and sample all
forms of tasty beverages from the new and improved Underground Bar.
The Drama Society will be holding auditions for their Christmas panto:
1pm to 6pm in D9
If you are interested in auditioning for any role, big or small, please email Leanne Higgins (Director) at l.higgins@lse.ac.uk to book a slot for auditioning.
"Know Your Rights: Protesting in the UK"
Liberty@LSE takes a look at the right to protest and demonstrate post-9/11.
Speakers include Alex Gask, Legal Officer at Liberty, and activists sharing their experiences of the police in the UK.
2pm in G1 (20 Kingsway)
The Drama Society will be holding auditions for their Christmas panto:
1.30pm to 4.30pm, in S066
Russian Business Society and Russian Society present:
at the LSE.
The Fine Line, 72 Kingsway, 1800-2200.
LSESU Action Homelessness Society
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Mickinsey Moscow Office for 5PM in Z132 all Russian and Non-Russian speakers that would like to ALL WELCOME work in Moscow after studyng

The Mexican Society Presents: 2004 Festival of the Intematonal Day of the Dead
7pm Hong Kong Theatre FREE ADMISSION
7pm Inaguration of " The fSl Altar"
By Mexican Ambassador to the UK: Juan Jose Bremer
7.15pm
Presentation
"Celebration of the Day of the Dead"
By Mexican Cultural Representative Ignacio Dviran
8 pm Theatre Play: " Between the Living and the Dead " Directed by Miguel Vaylon Nadieshda Company- Creation 2004
Followed by Mexican Hot Chocolate and Galletas !
Snopake special deals:
Ringbinder packs of 2: £3.49 (normaTly £2.60 each)
6 part slim organiser £3.49
13 part organiser £4.99 a
Sticky note cubes £2.99 + free index fabs
JDiSaBiLiTy AWARENESS WEEK su.disability@lse.ac.iik Monday; Talk from the Samaritans, 1300 - 1400, D109 Is HIV/AIDs be a disability? Talk by Terence Higgins Trust 4-5 The Ed and Welfare Officer and the Treasurer spend a day with mobility and visual impairments.
Tuesday: Career Able, Careers Advice with Jason Scoble, R405 Mark Hoffman, Dean of Undergraduate Studies, spends a day in a wheel chair.
Wednesday; 2 free sign language sessions, 12noon - 1400, D211 The General Secretary, spends a day in a wheel chair.
Thursday; UGM with Howard Davies, official opening of ramp n OT. Disability Consultative Forum Lunch 12-1400, R09 Friday: Circles, 12-1300, D109. SWD Crush.
Special Offers:, squash :rmmjets prices
Max €omp RRP £25 Black Max RRP.£80 Max Attack RRP £40
AT DISCOUNTED
Our Price £19.95 Our Price £39.95 Our Price £29.95

Pago F|ultI)rirTk$? Were £1.15, Now 99p. Mce0Swe§l^^,Buy t Get 1 Frae. &ai?^ga/?^"Cnspf|itfp Each, or 2 for 50p.
-3
c
'
I


4 .w-



company

0«00aii0ffi
vC
•:':;;3C^'
Come to our pmsantation of One Greot George Street, Westminster# SWl on 28 October 2004, 7pm»9pm Nearest tube stations Westminster and Si James's Park
33

Sports
The Beaver
26 October 2004
Tennis secure a draw with Pikey Holloway
Sumit Buttoo
LSE Tennis.......................5
Royal Holloway...............5
Putney Bridge, London
Last week saw the team enter unchartered territory as they entertained Royal Holloway for the first time ever, courts treacherous underfoot due to the rain. It was agreed between the teams that doubles should be contested first "as a warm up for the real matches". So the team Uned up with Johan and Ashton as partners, and Pedro with Thomas.
Johan and Ashton made a poor start to their match with Ashton serving an ace and then a double fault on their way to losing the first break As the match drew on Johan's bocfy language worsened. Eventually the two capitulated woefuify, going down 8-2. Both players looked disgusted with their performance, Ashton claiming he was wary of slipping on the court -kind of understandable as he missed a year and a half with an ankle injury
recently. So a bad start fo LSE as HoUoway took an 1-0 lead overall.
There was certainly better news on the other court as the European partnership of Pedro and Thomas started in super style by breaking serve immediately. Pedro took the first of his tumbles early on. But it seemed to have little effect as he produced an impressive performance. So good, the opposition even called him 'amazing' after a terrific winning volley when off-balance. Credit must also go to Thomas who conjured some outstanding serves and passing shots throu^out the match. Pedro suffered more than the others on the ice-iink like surface - I think I counted him slipping at least 3 times. The lads took a crucial break to go 7-6 up, and who dse but Pedro was there to serve out the match. Final score 8-6, and LSE back on level terms.
Next up were the singles matches. Johan took to the stage first andopened by witming his service game. He looked very good during the second set, after dropping the first. But it was a false omen as he became frustrated and yelled unrepeatable e5q)letives! Both players contributed to some good rallies, but our Hong Kong talisman eventually succumbed 7-5,1-6,7-3(tie break). That gave Holloway a 3-1 advantage (as singles are worth 2 points to doubles' 1).
Ashton commenced his singles in
LSE Tennis playing at Royal Holloway (note prison bars in foreground).
disappointing style, easily losing his first returning game. It vras a sign of things to come for the likeable Yank. He looked very shaky at the start and shouted in frustration as he dissolved in the first set. There was a shake of the head at 0-1 in the second set, and things looked ^oomy. Tb make matters worse, his opponent took a questionable refreshment break midway through the second set. Gamesmanship? Maybe, but xmlikdy as he was cruising. That annoyance seemed to catalyse Ashton as he switched from his familiar serv^and-voUey game to playing from the back of the court. But it just wasn't his day and he went down 6-1,6-4. LSE were
now 5-1 behind
The pressure was now on the two other lads. Thomas emerged to play before Pedro and looked incredibly confident throu^out the match. After breaking in his opponent's first two service games he went into cruise control His rival had a very strange service motion and Thomas admitted afterwards that it had been sU^tly unnerving. And althou^ our Rench maestro lost the first two games of the second set, he recovered to ease home 6-0,7-5.5-3 now to HoUoway.
Pedro made a top start as he broke his opponent in the first game. The flambcyant Spaniard was certainly not afraid to slide into his shots. He
had a very nasty sMp, but luckily fell onto a pile of leaves to, allow him to bounce straight back up. There was a 'friendly' argument about the score at
4-4	and Pedro broke a racket string at
5-5,30-30.	But all was well as he comfortably pulled LSE back from the dead to rescue an unlikely point, by triumphing 7-5, 6-1. And the match was drawn.
Meanwhile Team 2 hammered Portsmouth 10-0 at home! Well done to them.
Star Man - Pedro for his outstanding commitment and great flair
Player latings: Johan 7/10, Ashton 6/10, Pedro 9/10, Thomas 8/10.
Don't miss next week's big one when Team 1 play Team 2! Get down and watch the lads!
Johan spots some Holloway ptkeys stealing hubcaps off a Ford Fiesta xn the carpark.
First XI Stick Three Past University of Easyjet!
Gareth 'In It For the Money' Carter
LSE First XI......................3
Luton Airport..................0
Fortress Berrylands, Surrey
u
Last Wednesday saw the Mighty Mighty First Team entertaining the trainee flight-attendants from Luton Polytechnic. Undaunted by the fact Luton is an educational institution eighteen times the size of LSE, and a football team with a feared reputation, the valiant Ftets got their game hats on, focussed hard and steeled themselves for a tough game.
First, Dom left the kit on the train - completely neglecting his duties as deputy imder-secretary to the vice-captain- and wandered off to the pitches, leaving Gaz Ceirter, the Big Friendly Greg, Jimmy Little and Tiny Paolo to hijack the returning Hampton Court train and spirit away the 'suspiciously imattended black bag' that had been more than a passing concern to wary passengers and the train officials alike.
That schoolboy error out of our system, we noticed that Luton were wearing the same colour kit as us -a last-minute switch with the Champagne Sevenths leaving us with jerseys that left the taller
Girls, he warned - sex with this man is "disappointing '
members of our squad feeling distinctly 'on show'- and so clad in unfamiliar garb, we set out to conquer the next hapless, witless bunch of malcontents that happened across our glorious path.
The game was a bigger anti-cU-max than a Dom Rustam sex session, thanks largely to the battling brilliance, defensive prowess, and raw talent of the Firsts. Each player excelled in their role, as Stelios shimmied and swerved, the BFG kicked and shoved. Big John kicked some more, and Paolo taunted his opposite number with quick feet and mean Ht-tie hacks to the shin bone.
The battie was again decided in the first half, with the LSE midfield clamping dovm on Luton's abilily to do anything at all. Not for the first time, an opposition University was left to bemoan the fact that their footballing intelligence was sadly equivalent to their academic intelligence, and having 'managed' to get aU of 3 GCSEs apiece, Luton weren't out-thinking the Firsts today.
The First XI played to their
strengths, and some fine passing put Andy Scott through, and from the ensuing melee with the keeper, Jimmy Little found himself set up on the haH-voUey from thirty yards out. The man who once couldn't hit J-Lo's arse with a beach ball completed his transformation into a sharp-shooter of Lee Harvey Oswald proportions by crashing a firm drive through the Luton reprobates and into the back of the net.
One-nil up, and the Firsts moved into top gear. Passing the ball like the rakish men of Right that we are, we undid the Luton defence easier than [NAME REMOVED]'s night-dress and began to put the squeeze on the perturbed, foolish clowns from Luton.
From a comer, a particularly malicious gust of wind felled Matt Joy, and Andy Scott slotted home the subsequent penalty - the keeper having less chance than Saddam at a war crimes tribimal.
Luton were begirming to wish they hadn't survived the abortion as the Mighty Mighty Firsts moved
into a gear even higher than their top one, some how discovering extra sldU from nowhere. Rich GuE set up a little game of solitaire for himself, as our half became a no-go area for the baU. Continued mastery of midfield was ensured through Gaz Carter's aerial prowess, Jimmy little's sublime touches, and the addition of Barney Rubble, a very ridiculous man.
A third was well deserved, and it came from the Golden One Andy Scott, who finished with cool aplomb after a neat little through ball.
Fishy Fishlock came on and was almost instantly rewarded with a goal after a big win in the centre of the park by Gaz Carter sent him racing towards goal. The Luton keeper however, in one last desperate attempt at maintaining at least a modicum of self-worth, saw the danger early, and flew out of his
goal screaming in some strange animalistic fashion to clear.
The whistle went, and the Luton players, along with their two physios ('I thought they were fluffers') and their manager slouched oft to cry, whilst a strangely subdued First Team reflected on a job well done.
We hit the TXins, then Walkabout, and a few valiant souls lasted imtil Crispy Duck, with Gaz Carter mocking a girl from Kings' ('you're clearly an intellectual heavyweight aren't you'). Club Captain Taffy employing strange mating techniques with Lauren (' I might try and puU you, I might'),-and Good WUl Hunting eventually faUing asleep on the sofa back at Marcia - just to prove that Wednesday doesn't end with the final whistle.
The passing of the years had been, hard on Right Said Fred.
34
Sports
The Beaver
26 October 2004
Going forjigold with LSE Golf
Lee 'Big Dog' Mellor
Tfiis article was originally intended to publicise LSE Golf Tfeam greatness following a monumental victory over Buckinghamshire	Chiltems
Polyversity, a heroic win, one to relive, but unfortunately, we lost. Therefore, as a last resort, this article will ask an impwrtant question - how can 8 of LSE's most finely conditioned athletes fail to beat a bunch of farmers from a suburb of Slough and some guys that are taking 4 years to master the art of cutting grass?
For last year's team, winning matches was considered a religion. On paper our bunch of misfits was nothing to write home about - with the exception of an American general course student our abilities were relatively below par. However, with Guy Drake's attire (grey jogging bottoms and trainers), Lee MeEor's ferocious power drives (which were often directed into deep woods or nearby pond), Ikn and Henpeng's never say die attitude and Stuart Millson's concession to be the lamb to the slaughter, take out their best player and make it easy for the rest of us: we were obviously very intimidating. So much
1
Lee Mellor (third from right) with his brave band of LSE Golfers.
so that we actually progressed to the national stage to play Swansea.
After a good summer for all European golfers it was time to come back and resurrect what was left of the old skool golf team. At Fteshers' Fkir our first recruit was the desperately needed General Course student, usually an American with a Hger Woods handicap, Alex fitted this role perfectly and is designated points scorer for the year Also enlisted Scotland's second most desirable export (after whisky), Joel Schamash as well as Os originating from deepest South-West London. UnaUy, with Marc "The Ptenchman" Lebreton promoted to a playing position and "Big Dog" Mellor andlkn making a return, the match against Reading looked like it was going to be one sided. Unfortunately, it was to Reading!
As expected, Alex pulled in a well deserved point and Big Dog was able to demoralise his opponent for another, but the rest of the Reading team proved too strong for LSE. Following the defeat, Iteam Manager, Henpeng Tkn called for drastic changes and decided to "drop the dead wood". However, the match against the CMltems proved to be even more of a disaster with only one point picked up courtesy of 6 Joel Schamash birdies. Not even, Alex or Big Dog could find a way through leading to a 5-1 defeat So what has to be done with the luckless LSE golf? Well, next week is Gimperial and Guy "The Comeback Kid" returns, so maybe we can remember what it is like to win again.
Alan Ball signs for Men's Hockey!
James 'Twice a Night' Porter
Hockey 1 sts.....................2
Hertfordshire..................5
Over the hills and far away
T|ie first game of the season had come around yet again but no change, as our ever-punctual Irishman with his stupid roUerblades was yet again late.
We set out to Hertfordshire feeling like pros in our 75-seater minibus but victory was not to be, as they looked more capable of giving us a thrashing. The first five minutes certainly reflected this, as we started in our usual fashion of experimenting virgins, nervous and fumbling! Luckily, we soon remembered we were in fact seasoned and managed to take the lead after a well-worked short comer ending with a drag fluke into the comer of the goal from our shire resident captain Ftodo. Though James 'ginger' Jackson did attempt to claim the goal claiming deflection from the
Sim on his balding scalp had distracted the defenders and keeper.
The game ebbed and flowed in the usual fashion, sadly the umpires awarded a penalty flick against us. The final score was 5-2 to Hertfordshire, the score not accurately reflecting the tight game that only got away from us in the last ten minutes . There were encouraging performances by our freshers with our very own Arabian Prince putting in a particularly good display upfront with Baloo's favourite man-child MowgOi.
We managed to leave Herefordshire with our pride restored after post-match boat races, a very special mention to our new sceptic tank Nial. Little did the freshers know that this was only the warm up to the infamous initiation.
Thus, Houghton Street was again turned into a drinking assault course dreamed up by a Scottish SAS captain and now used to separate those who just want to play hockey from real team players. The fastest time was IminSOsecs from Nial, and the losing time, a dismal performance from Rob 'I'm not welsh' f**knut of 2min55secs. The most vomit award must go to Alem BaU who produced a puddle of vomit so large the cleaning biU has effectively dashed London's hopes of having the Olympic Games.
Rugby Firsts beat Sussex into submission
Women's Rugby do it in style
Adam 'loves his tight shirt' Miller
Rugby ....................13
Brighton Bummers.......12
Pikeyville, South Coast
And lo, the firsts descended upon the Brighton bummers to mock their comedy degrees in textiles. Our arrival at Sussex University was greeted by a construction site changing room, which produced a blatant act of sabotage as a pane of glass was sent smashing around our feet. Undeterred, we donned our feared yellow training shirts.
Sussex fielded a small but mobile pack, and they quickly established the ref's limits, regularly dipping their wrists into our rucks to steal the ball. The situation soon stabilised and the first scrum saw Browne, Miller and Meatpacker drive the Sussex front row into submission. Ballsucker and Neil brought some monumental shoves to the game, the whole scrum showing power in equal measure. The conditions did not aid our handling, meaning individual contributions needed effective teamwork. Our back line put forward some great performances , including 7 stone Austrian Oak Girwen ridiculously boshing various cretins with the merest dip of teutonic shoulder. Angry Jon Cox was
Jen 'Brazilian' Bush
Recent rumours about Mat Browne (I) were confirmed when he tumea up to the post match celebrations in a pink shirt.
ever present at breakdowns, and James Lennard was running good lines to trouble the Sussex backs.
The first half displayed misplaced arrogance and allowed the cowardly poly two penalties. Some ridiculous penalties included Dan Lloyd pulling an opponent's hair (perm rage, no doubt), Browneye fighting despite only playing for seconds, and Tupac performing a gang-initiation style hit. Despite this the forwards came together. A scrum came from good mauling and the Sussex pack was decimated, leaving them so disoriented that they watched in awe as the chubby Farmer dragged his plough over the line for our first score.
Halftime (5-6) saw debuts for Ballsucker Jr. and Terrier Jim Davies. The second half then progressed in the same manner, aS our dominant possession never quite converted. Highlights included our domination in lineouts with great leaps
coming from Leggy and Neil Lloydy took up residence on the wing, whilst Lincoln's Inn Trampmaster had graciously given Suzie permission to attend, and his contributions were strong running and incomprehensible attempts to marshal the backs. Gay Hair and Hash bolstered the back row and line respectively alongside Rilmundo who proved an adept stealer of loose balls. More indiscipline led to two more penalties against, but James countered with one of his own before the back line shipped the ball through the Big Gay Bear and James to Tupac to bowl inimitably over the line to put us ahead 13-12.
Rings left forcibly, penetrated and gaping, Susex had no retort and the game finished to our advantage. We returned tired but victorious, to our glass-ridden changing rooms, after which the poly refused to feed us. Such poor decorum will be remembered.
LSE Rugby Starlets.......32
Essex Dogs......................0
Fortress Berrylands
The start of the season was daunting, last year's xmde-feated record was looming, the new challenges of being promoted dawned, and NetbaU had already stooped to shallow name calling. There's orily one way to reply; once again displaying our sporting dominance on the pitch -a try from newcomer Indeg 'winger wonger' within 90 seconds.
The Essex monsters were as big as they were violent and uncouth but were swiftly dealt with. Katy and Sharon followed the example of the ever intimidating Special K by cutting the opponents down to size with huge tackles whilst
retaining LSE glamour - yes we do this and we look good! An immense pack saw Loves and Vanessa flying through the air like the (not wearing white) angels that they are. Every lineout was ours. Josie, Hester and Louise were dominating in the scrums, with our entire pack compoimding Essex's humiliation by playing better, being able to run and looking hot.
The backs were also on top form, Johanna and Indeg were unstoppable over the line and Ginny, our new full back gave ample support. Essex were rUed and one Slapper tried to get her white handbag and stilettos out on Harmibal but was swiftly met by the wagging finger of the law. Sandy dumped a girl like the rotimd sack of potatoes that she was, and when the girl complained with "What the fuck?", she enlisted on a fUck of the hair a wink and a "It's called Rugby!"
All the people who played were jolly immense so Thank you! -Isabelle, Amanda, Talei, Laura, Yvette, Fem, Anna.....
We were classy, they were not, but the hooker got the returning Rex on his ass - 'nuff said.
Women's Rugby celebrate their win against the Essex Girl opposition - Essex being the only rugby team in the world to have fifteen hookers in their team....
The Beaver
26 October 2004
Sports
35
Sexy Seconds triumphant second time around
Marie and Alison
Netball 2nds...............Few
Useless College London............Many More
Central London
Netball 2nds...............Lots
RUMS................Negligible
Battleground Lincoln's Inn
Netball Seconds prove that it's not only Men's Rugby who can look good in Lycra
Mbnday night Momington Crescent net-ball courts and fucking cold The fab 2nds faced Useless College London. However since they are useless they can't even manage to organise the courts properly so we had to wait while their medics played their match, for an hour and did I mention it was cold? Not only this but they had a squad of 15, hopefully by now most of you wiU understand that a netball team consists of 7 fine young fillies, not fifteen, hence we were onfused at this multitude of players.
The match began and the cold by now had stopped our poor fingers working so we didn't get off to the best start. Their tactics of freezing us before the game while they ate their warm Chinese and hid in the changing rooms worked for the first quarter. The game picked up and we fought back valiantly but to no avail.
The dirty tactics continued. When I say dirty I mean dirty, arse rubbing galore by the goal attack who seemed to Eke us more than she really shoiild. Tiying to trip people over in a sly fashion by just sticking their legs out, causing injuries (thankfully not fatal) to Aine's hand. However we must concede defeat and even though we fought like George- slaying-the-dragon, the dragon won and we were left to lick each other's wounds!
However next time we kicked ass. at the infamous battleground that is Lincoln's Inn. It was wet, it was drizzling, and the mighty mighty 2nds arrived to plan their assault. After a quick warm up where war stories of theft (of a skirt) and suffering (Charlie's hangover) were exchanged, we took our fighting stances on court opposite RUMS who traipsed out Mke lambs to the slaughter.
As soon as the stunningly attractive, eternally wise umpires (aka Jade and Olivia) had blown the starting whistle, the beautifully oiled machine of LSE netball 2nds whirred into action. No sooner had you blinked and we were three goals up and the poor medics were casualties of war.
What can I say? We were so skUful in our
passes, so accurate wdth our shooting and so frighteningly disciplined in defence that really words cannot even come close to doing us justice. I mean I thought that we were good last year what with us winning the league but with the new talent that we've got we can only surpass ourselves in brilliance this season. By the final quarter we were reaUy just taking the piss and trying to decide just how much salt we should rub into their wounds, since they were medics we didn't want to take any risk of infection so we poured a whole tub of saxo in there and rubbed gleefully!! Even the hoarse shouts of the weird townie looking guy in a white sheHsuit (think a twenty-something Jimmy Saville) who turned up with them could not make any impact on a team so utterly outclassed and pitifully demoralised. The sense of satisfaction was really quite something and I always say a Wednesday just isn't the same if the opposition don't walk away from the courts hanging their heads in shame.
With Charlie, Jen and Alex on target in attack, Jenna, Emma, Debbie Dean - oh shit Sony, I mean Jade - and myself and the formidable duo of Aine and Marie in defence we really were a force to be reckoned with, our cele bration continued at our team dinner that night...with wine, pizza, free shots, apple shisha, burning bras and electric shocks it was quite a night. And lets not forget the banana split with a birthday candle and pressies for ME -1 knew that Aine and Marie were sneaky and now they have corrupted the whole team. Still that only bodes well for next week.
Netball Firsts win in Wapping and Westminster
Olivia Schofield
Netball Ists..........	.........20
GKT........................	.........19
Wapping	
	
Netbail 1 sts..........	.........39
Westminster.........	..........25
Westminster	
What a fantastic start to the season. One week, two matches and two
victories!
Monday night was the first outing for the mighty first team. We trekked to Wapping and arrived with plenty of time to warm up. Although it was here that we hit our first stumbling block. The courts booked the week before were not registered. After explaining the situation about 50 times, the inept reception staff finally saw that there was in fact no problem with us using the unbooked courts (even though we had booked them). It left us wondering whether anything actually works outside of Zone 1... however. Captain Jade professionally resolved the matter. The opposition arrived shortly afterwards and by 8.30pm we were ready to start play.
The first quarter was nail bit-
ing stuff. We were trailing by two goals, but the scoring was pretty much goal for goal, and every time we snuck into the lead, GKT edged back. Although annoyed not to be leading by 10 goals after the first quarter we were satisfied with our performance because this is the first time we had played together. After a quick team talk from Jade we leaped back on court ready to go again . The second quarter was as close as the first. It was 19-20 to GKT in the last minute of the quarter when the new rules for this season screwed us. For those who don't know, if you fail to set a penalty properly then it is reversed and given against you. I had skilfully lined up a perfect goal when I was fouledl I shot too early (lucky I'm not a bloke) and the goal was disallowed.Half time ended on the 19-20 score line.
By the time of the third quarter the entire team was fired up and getting increasingly pissed off. With fantastic defending from Phoebe and Rachel, their shooters had a nightmare time trying to get the ball anywhere near the goal. With our quick reactions and George's smooth interception the ball continuously found itself in our end. All that was left was for Jade and me to score... since we're pretty used to scoring both on and off the pitch ), this task was easy. By the end of the quarter we had taken the lead. The fourth quarter continued with manic intensity and we were finally relieved when our 30-26 victory came. Not the smoothest start but a well deserved victory. Phoebe and Rachel were deservedly voted women of the match by the oppo-
sition. With our spirits high we eagerly looked forward to Wednesday's game...
With dodgy looking weather in the morning we were lucky to get a game. But the clouds cleared and the game got underway. This time our opponents were Westminster 1st team. As with most poly's we expected them to be shit, and as predicted, calling them shit was a compliment. We seized IThe lead immediately and despite their best efforts to push us over (Phoebe got floored within 2 minutes), stamp on our feet (my opposition looked and weighed Uke a big brick) and generally abuse us (Ash's and Phoebe's opposition got official warnings for attitude problems), we were leading convincingly after the first quarter. The match continued in much the same way, their abuse followed by us scoring. Our imipire tried her best to be fair but after Westminster's umpire refused to penalise her own team whilst hallucinating faults by our team if really did become a war of the umpires, poor Rachel got completely victimised. After almost an hour of a game which better resembled rugby than netball we emerged the winners, 39-25.
With all this winning the social side of the first team has taken a turn for the worst this week. Still nursing our hangovers and embarrassment from the AU party we lamely decided to have a night off. I agree this makes us all pussy's and am personally very disappointed with the teams performance in this area. We promise to make it up next week with a lot of drunken antics and nakedness.
Netball Fourths step into action
Laura Cowell
Netball 4ths......Victorious
Royal
Holloway.............Whipped
Central London
The shiny new 4th team started the season as we mean to go on with victory over Royal Holloway. Our valiant captain Ems had already had several panic attacks about people turning up so she was relieved that we were a full team and that she had remembered to turn up herself. It took a few minutes to get back into netbaU mode after the summer, there was real fear in our eyes at the prospect of a fuU hoiu- of running around.
We had a shaky start and went down by several goals but by the 2nd quarter we had settled into the game and the old 4ths got back into the spirit like netball girls to a jug of sangria. Asha was a star, racing around and feeding our new shooting team. It made up for her disgracefiil inability to find the entrance into Walkabout last week. Brioney (the definition of wrong despite looking sweet and innocent) was putting a brilliant defence against "the tank" the stocky Holloway WA. Our secret weapon "Lara the wonderful" wowed u^ all with her interceptions.
Yelena's shooting excelled throughout the second half of
the match and she was sliding in lovely goals so it was a shock when we realised she'd never shot before today. Philippa was sneaking into some great positions and the two of them were increasingly showing up the pre-pubescent looking Holloway defence.
Ems took a tumble in the 2nd quarter after being tripped by an evil Holloway shooter. Her Starsky and Hutch style roll looked more painful than professional and for the rest of the match resided the sidelines.
As we went in to the 2nd half of the match we put some new players onto prove their stuff. Catherine was doing great as WD getting free and intercepting n like a legend but was looking decidedly peaky, we thought it was over exertion but we realised it was related to her hangover.
Cat was super at WA feeding the ball seamlessly into Yelena ^ and Philippa. The 3rd quarter was ours as Holloway barely scored due to some effortlessly cool defending by Jordina. I was celebrating my new found fitness of not having passed out so ^ far by refusing to be subbed off even when requested.
The final quarter was tight as we spent most of it even. We went one goal up only for Holloway to equalise. The final few minutes were tense, as we didn't want to let ourselves down. We hadn't got this red in the face just to lose. Yelena scored again with only moments to go and we held our breath till full time.	_
All in all a great showing, bring on Gimperial next week!
BeaverSporfs
V'':.
P^dited by Paul McAleavey and Louise Hastie 26 October 2004	Issue 605	Send your reports, photos and results to us at
thebeaver.sports@lse.ac.uk - Cheers
History is made as Rugby Thirds win at lastl
Rob 'The Littlest Hobo' Donnellan
LSE Rugby 3rds ••••••••••••• 50
St Barts 2nds.
•••••••••••••••••
17
Fortress Berrylands, Surrey
Every once in a while, an event occurs that chan^ the couise of history and is remembered fonev-en Where were you -wtei Kennecfy was shot? When man landed iqxin the moon? When the Berlin WaU fell?When they put drau^t Guinness into cans? After a while, those who {jartidpated in these events turn into l^ends.The LSE Rugby dub has had its fair share of legends both on and off of the pitch, but last Wednesday was the day when the former
u^ dudding of the dub, the Thirds, stepped ip and created their own le^nd to compete with their bigger brothers in the firsts and seconds. On the 20th October 2004, the LSE Third rugby team recorded their first ever win And what a tale it doth make.
We kicked off, and with our front row of Kevin, Chris and Sameer 'The One
And it only took them three years!
steamers. One great moment was when John proclaimed he was sli^tfy injured so was going to take it ea^, then picked 1:5) a loose ball and ran a huge crash ball into their fattest prep knoddng him ffy-ing. I like this man's definition of taking it easy!
¦^th a decent f^ half who could play and made some searing runs to score their tries, they put iq) more of a fi^t but al it did was slight^ slow our prcgness. However; people realty should know when they're conquered. Our secret weapon Ryan 'The Cruise Missile" Dcyle was diddng on them, with another two tries to make his hat trick (and ny crystal ball sees the word monster in his future), and was just dominating the game with his deft touch, powerful running and just putting the opposition in awe. On the flanks Colin added another with his powerful running and Can was unfortunate not to score several times with some blistering runs. In defence Guillame in the centre was fettxious in the tacMeThe confidence was flowing throughout the team, scoring one more try (thou^
The Rugby Club celebrate an historic day
Man Maul" leading the way with powerful hits, Phil dominating the line out, winning about 80% of aU the total throws andlbm taking a lot of punishment as he took on loose ball after loose ball and acting as a battering ram to their untalaated wall of flab of forwards. The back row of rrryself, John and Jinmy was on fire, with both of the flankers having absolute
Lcpabout addled brain cant remember wfa) scored, rry apologies) even with the vstolesale substitutions we were making, and Sir Morialy-Lewis making a return to his former charges, along with good performances frtxn Jbnathon at 8 after I diedrity tocJc myself off, Jim at flanker and Weasd's surprising good turn at 10.
When the final whistle went the roar was amazing. People wane hugging me, sranething that doesn't happen to this hobo often. I crowded everyone into the dressing room for a pest match anatysis. I could see all these Reaming faces before me. "Basicaify lads, that was quite slc^jpy and there were a lot of thin^ we need to work on...." I could see their faces drcp off, ny decqjtion had worked. "BUT WHO CARES WE FUCKING WON!" Hk faces roared and the arms went into the air; like the victorious ^diatcas that we were. A ni^t on the Icp ensured with periiaps the bi^est ever Third team turn out whae we outsang not only football, but even the karaoke machine and par-tied into the wee hours, cdebrating a day thatmade history!
Nine Goal Sevenths!
The Aldwych Derby ends in a massacre as the Sevenths stick nine goals past the Poly.
Paul McAleavey
Champagne 7**^®............9
King's Footy

Fortress Berrylands, Surrey
The day got off to a good start when a pigeon shat on me at Waterloo before the match. I was waiting for the rest of my team when I felt something warm trickle down my leg. After reassuring myself that the liquid wasn't of my own making, I realised that one of the disgusting diseased pigeons that fly around the station had chosen me to shit on. The bastard. Much hilarity ensued, mainly for everyone else. Ed told me that it's considered good luck to be defecated on by a pigeon, but at the time I felt about as lucky as someone who wakes up to see the smiling face of Sonia from Eastenders on the pillow next to them.
Within five minutes of kick off against the Strand Poly at the Fortress, Ross had knocked one past the King's keeper, and then had the audacity to add a second a few minutes later. Ed 'I am your link to the Establishment' Calow then scored a screamer of a scissor kick from outside the box. The Sevenths' new left back Todd was making a few Roberto Carlos-
The Champagne Sevenths Dig for Victory
esque runs from left back which were causing King's plenty of problems. Ed went on to complete his hat-trick before half time, when I decided he was getting too good and moved him to centre back, despite his protests. Ed's third goal (which made it 5-0) deserves mention for the fact that this was the first goal we didn't celebrate, as it was getting too etnbarrassing. Celebrating in front of the beleaguered Kang's side was just a bit too much like waving a ten pound note at the tramp outside Holbom station -it's not big, and it's not clever.
At half-time a few substitutions were made - big Pete Smith, who had marshalled the defence with the rigour of Lindy England in an Iraqi prison, came off. The Sevenths gave home debuts to summer signings Nick Green and
Andy Street. Nick Green, a pacey right winger, has quite an interesting background - his mum is from Colombia and his dad is from the slightly less exotic location of Southend. It must be weird, having one parent from an area so well known for illegal drugs, and another parent from Columbia. Debutant Nick combined a typically English work rate with some Central American flair to score his first goal for LSE within seconds of the restart, putting the Sevenths 6-0 up. Rob Green added another, and the Sevenths' top scorer from last season, Nick Vivyan, scored his first and second goals of the season to put the score at 9-0.
"I think I'm going to cry" is what the King's striker told me as he watched, helpless, another LSE attack on his beleaguered
Team of the Week
Dam Rustam selects the best players from this week's games.
The most controversial BeaverSports feature since 'Guess the Breasts' returns! Last week's Dream Team ignited heated debate in the Tuns, with arguments often spilling over into full fist fights. But how long will it be until Dom selects an XI comprised entirely of himself?
Key:
First Team Player Second Team Player
Third Team Player Fourth Team Player Fifth Team Player ^1^ Sixth Team Player Seventh Team Player
Team of the week;
The 'Mighty Mighty' 1st team- A 4-0 thumping for St. Barts, followed by a 3-0 triimiph over Luton Airport made it impossible not to pick them.
Star of the week;
Ed 'Odd/PecuHar/One girl short of a spitroast' Calow - The man who wears his full school uniform to uni ^d beats up bouncers in CaleHa revelled in the 7th team's ridiculous 9-0 schooling (do you like what I've done
there) of Strand Poly and takes this week's honour with a whopping 22 points.
Schoolboy of the week;
Dom 'The A^igin' Rustam- Having stuck Craig here last week for getting picked up by Gay Dom in Crispy Duck, I subsequently reached the heights of hypocrisy by "inadvertently passing out" in Gay Dom's bed three days later
Dom Rustam.
team's goal.
The post-match celebrations were muted, feeling, as we did, that we had just won a gold medal in the Special Olympics. Ed, celebrating his third hat-trick for the
Sevenths, managed to evade the traditional dirty pint, meaning the new Tuns floor managed to avoid a meeting with Calow's stomach lining.
There's a new address for BeaverSports stuff now - thebeaver.sports(glse.ac.uk - Send us your articles before 2pm on Friday to guarantee entry in the next week's issue!