Monday 22nd January, 2001 Issue 531 The Newspaper of the LSESU r/ieEditor - Chris Wills . c.d.wills@lse.ac.uk First Published May 5th, 1949 Chain Reaction Julia Giese Over 400 LSE students, last Tuesday took part in a dramatic show of unity against the LSE's failure to rule out top-up fees. Chanting protesters encircled the School's main buildings in a human chain of protest whilst LSE security staff rushed to seal off their administrative buildings. As more and more students joined the protest, a complete chain was formed, spilling out into Kingsway and the Aldwych. The LSESU Treasurer, Charlotte Knowles, asked students on the protest to declare how much debt they were in - the total debt for the chain was over ?1.8 million. According to Lee Federman, LSESU General Secretary "students felt part of something really special. Generally LSE students are realising that they can make a difference. Nobody can ignore such a show of mass educated opinion." The event was organised by the LSESU Fee Fighters, a campaign group where 400 students had signed up in a three-hour recruitment blitz at the end of last term. The organisation's purpose is to rally LSE students into action. Lee said: "LSE students have been sleeping in recent times. However Union activity this year has so far been dominated by the core campaigns of value for money in teaching and learning, and fighting against the very real threat of top-up fees." A motion at the UGM of the 23rd November mandated Lee to seek a firm commitment against the imposition of top-up fees at LSE LSE students: not just unity of spirit from Anthony Giddens. The reply stated that "the LSE has no plans to introduce top-up fees at the moment." Proposals made by the Russell Group, which consists of the top twenty research institutions in the UK, include plans suggesting that universities could charge different rates according to their status. This could be anything up to ?6,000 a year. The government so far has failed to rule out these proposals. Given the state of Higher Education funding at the moment. it is most probable that LSE could be one of the first to 'go it alone'. The price of a top class degree could thus rise to somewhere near ?35,000 including living costs. Such a system clearly discriminates against students from low income groups and will make those lucky enough to get their hands on grants end up heavily indepted. "Top up fees are both elitist and encourage a culture where students will be increasingly accepted to university based on financial rather than academic "FREEDOM!" Feders fights fees Pics: Sam Goodchild qualifications", criticises Lee. "LSE was founded on the principle of social equality - this is a tradition that the Union will continue to fight for." However, the Union has one main problem in motivating students to fight for their cause: With a very high percentage of international and postgraduate students who are already paying high fees, the debate over top-up fees does not directly concern many LSE students. Perhaps this is why some students (as in the National March in November) failed to show their support for the human chain. This is in spite of a CVCP survey conducted in May 2000,which showed that the cost of an' undergraduate programme at LSE for overseas students is ?9,384 -nearly ?3000 abQve the national average of non-laboratory based courses. Only the University of Buckingham currently charges more per year than LSE and UMIST is the only other institution that charges a fee in excess of ?9,000. The question which remains is if the quality of teaching at the LSE justifies these high prices. If you don't think so, then get involved in the campaign! At least then, you might have some chance of geeting back what you paid for. Continued Page 2 Apathy rules at PESANTS Last Monday the SU organised a debate: "LSE should merge with Imperial". Among the audience was James Sharrocl<. What a turnout! It may have reached double figures. Just. You missed an (almost) titanic struggle between conservatism and other people who happened to walk past A85 and were forcibly dragged in by the ginger one. Despite the lack of atmosphere the debate was (sort of) animated. Mr Blackwell and Mr Chapell seemed to need no crowd to inspire them. The Tories represented the government (insert own joke) and argued for a merger, suggesting a university entitled PESANTS or Political Economic Social and Natural Technological Sciences. Better value for money, self-interest and greed seemed to form the basis of their arguments. Ideological differences meant they were never going to win the house's vote. Many hours spent in the debating society had clearly helped their cause though. Initially the opposition seemed unable to respond. A lazy argument about frightening late-night tube travel seemed to strengthen the dark side. Tory humour (I), biting wit and general debating prowess proved that the devil does indeed have all the best tricks. For a brief moment the pro-merger minority had the upper hand. Eventually good triumphed over evil. The opposition regained strength from the founding fathers. An appeal to the historic and ideological independence of the LSE went down better than the Tory argument of self-interest and revenge on Oxbridge. The intervention of Julius and Duncan Adams from the audience further condemned the government argument into the intellectual dustbin. . So-called PESANTS university would never exist. And nor would a stupid acronym.. So on Monday 15th of Januaiy at 4pm in A85 a few people discussed something that was largely fiction, might never happen and had a few laughs. That's it. Any further extension of the good versus evil metaphor would be crap. But there were some serious issues the debate could've raised. Do you care anyway? Apparently not judging from the turnout. E-MAIL THE EDITOR: C.D.WILLS@LSE.AC.UK T/idBeaver Issue 531 - January 22nd 2001 page 2 NUS shutting down Julia Giese Now it is official: The last week of February Is to be the date for the NUS' activities unis against fees. The climax will be on Thursday March 1 with this year's National Higher Education Shutdown while many other activities like lobbying MPs, working with lecturers, schools and the public are planned for the rest of the week. The NUS hopes that as many Institutions as possible will join them and simply shut down for the purposes of that one day. Anyone with a hectic schedule on that day of the week may be licking their lips, but the aim of the whole event is to highlight student opposition to the introduction of tuition fees and abolishing of maintenance grants. However, it is questionable if the date is well chosen. The NUS itself acknowledges that some institutions might be on half term leave while the LSESU elections are to be held just that Shutdown Thursday. Lee Federman, SU General Secretary has said; "The LSE Students' Union will support these actions by NUS, although they clash quite unfortunately with the LSE elections. Something like a Shutdown would require the full consent of The Union." This might mean that we shall have to express our anger on a different day and that the SU organises our own shutdown but "whatever happens, you can be certain that the Fee Fighters will be there or thereabouts"-, Lee assures. The action comes in the run up to th6 G6n9rfi! Elsction. Studsnt debt and hardship continue to rise and funding remains a fiasco. The DfEE's own research is a damning indictment of students funding, showing that over 87% of stduents are experiencing financial difficulties. This survey, from December 2000, also showed that student debt has trebled between 1995/6 and 1998/9 and that 61% of students felt that funding had deterred friends from entering university. Lee added: "There is no doubt about the urgency of the question of student hardship, and this ties in closely with the issue of term-time working. Both severely impact on the quality of a student experience." We therefore have to raise the issue to a level of public debate to make politicians from all parties take the matter of Higher Education seriously and to make It part of their agenda. You've got to accentuate your accent Fatima Sonawar Does the way we speak really matter? According to recent research, attitudes to accents are changing. Paul Goggles, senior lecturer in modern languages at the University of Kent, argues that society is far less class conscious than it has been in the past. The new generation of people are far more open minded and they feel that the way one talks isn't really an issue. Since we are constantly in contact with a multicultural and multilingual range of people, we supposedly don't feel that any accent is a barrier. Goggles goes on to state that accents are like items of fashion and that 'some accents are more marketable than others... they go in and out of fashion according to how 'trendy' the area is. For example the Manchester accent has gained enormous approval since the city became the 'scene'. In addition, TV role models with accents such as Robbie Williams and Graig from Big Brother have helped promote variations in pronunciation and dialect hence giving them higher profiles. The accents of Liverpool, Glasgow and Birmingham have been generally regarded as negative. The Scouse accent has been described as 'whiney' whilst people with Brummie accents have been described as sounding stupid. But as media 'personalities' with regional accents become more prolific, attitudes change and this ensures that formerly 'negative' accents gain status. Furthermore, research carried out by Professor John Wells at University College London suggests that London is far more linguistically diverse than Paris or Tokyo. In addition to the great range of accents used by Londoners, it is estimated by the School of Oriental and African studies that 275 languages are spoken within the Gapital alone. Says Professor Wells, our multilingual society 'adds to life's rich pattern and improves the notoriously narrow minded attitudes of British people to languages other than English.' Fatima Sonawar, a Year 13 student from St lUlarlybone Sixth Form Schiool, is taking part in the LSE's Saturday School project/Organised by the LSE Centre for Educational Research, the project aims to improve access for comprehensive school students to the LSE and other leading universities. Upon completion of her A levels, Fatima hopes to go on to study Speech Therapy. A world of difference Pic: Archives Fighting the fees - students hold their ground Continued from cover Another agenda of the fee fighters group directly addresses student's concerns regarding the threat of privatisation. In countries where the cost of Higher Education is determined by market forces, fees have been rising to more than double the level of LSE - for example,$120,000 in Georgetown, USA. A privatised system would also put an end to government regulation and the availability of independent evidence of the quality of education offered by a particular unversity. Lee commented: "The privatisation of our universities is not in the interest of students. It all comes down to whether you " Given the state of Higher Education funding at the moment, it is most probable that LSE could be one o/| the first to 'go it alone'. The price of a top c/assl degree could thus rise\ to somewhere nearl ?35,000 including costs' believe education is a right or a privilege. I believe everyone should have access to this right, not just the privileged." Last but not least a word has to be said about LSE's hypocrisy. We are constantly told that LSE tries to aiiraci sludeuls fiofn all backgrounds. Somehow this does not sound consistent with the above. To add further insult to injury, the LSE Student Tutoring campaign sends students into schools in the poorer parts of London. The aim is to help with the teaching but more importantly, LSE students are encouraged to become role models for these underprivileged children. Thus the children should be encouraged to work hard in school in order to be able to go on to Higher Education. But can we really guarantee them that they will have a choice once they have grown up? I do not think so, at least not if we (all students!) do not get involved in the fee fighting - now. Join the weekly campaign meetings on Fridays at 12 in the Societies meeting room. Do not leave the job to others! %- ÙqIff News TheBeaver- Issue 531 - January 22nd 2001 ^ page 3| Hill takes the helm News Team Last week, our esteemed leader Professor Antony Giddens began a three-month sabbatica^ from his job as Director of the LSE. Whilst the Prof has his Lent term time-out, Professor Stephen Hill is to step into the proverbial Directorial breeches. Many of you may well have heard of this dramatic and exciting development through a login message that keeps on appearing and irrating us all when we try to access our LSE computer accounts. Many, indeed, may have turned to yourselves and thought, "Eh? Who's this Stephen Hill fellow when he's at home?". In fact. Professor Hill has worked at the School for many years and at different times has been a member of the Departments of Industrial Relations and Sociology, and the Interdisciplinary Institute of Management. He has also held one of the Pro-Directorships for just over four years, carrying out administrative work involved in running the university. Those who fear that the LSE could become directionless in the absence of our fearless leader should take heart in the judgement of our other, slightly more fearful leader: Lee Federman the SU General Secretary (who is to make his first meeting with the acting Out with the old and in with the new, for a term at least: Professors Giddens and Hill Pic: Archives Director this week). He has confidently pronounced, "We are in safe hands with Professor Hill." We shall see, shan't we Lee? Hill trained first as a historian at Oxford and then as a sociologist at LSE. He specialises in the study of work and employment, including the management of organisations and has written and published numerous books and articles, one of which is The Penguin Dictionary of Sociology. When not at LSE, he enjoys the cinema and mountain walking. Giddens Meanwhile, rumours have abounded as to what exactly Professor Giddens 'is up to'. Speculation has been rife that the man often described as the intellectual ifather of New Labour and the Third Way' is to work at the No. 10 Policy Unit during the months preceding a general election. Whilst the timing of his sabbatical would seem to support this - why after all could he not have taken time off during the summer term, when little goes on except examinations - the LSE has rigidly stated that Professor Giddens takes leave purely so that he can complete research and book commitments. Giddens is set to return to the LSE in all his glory on the 31st March this year. But fret not students: in the meantime, he will still be continuing with his LSE lectures and other public activities. So, effectively we will be blessed by two Directors parading around campus. Bonus. So, what is Professor Giddens doing during his sabbatical? Turn to page 5 of B:LINK for an Irreverent guess. Is LSE leading an apathy attack? lain Bundred News Editor Call me crazy, but has the LSE suddenly become active again? The LSE was made famous for its activist past; there was a time when students flocked to Houghton Street in a search for something to fight for - and there was always something that they could come up with to march/fight/sit-in against. When we signed up for the LSE, that was all in the past. Who now would seriously consider storming the Tower of London for an hour and hanging banners outside advertising it for sale, as they did in 1955. And that was even before the 1960s, when they got really crazy! This year, though, there has been evidence of a growing fighting spirit among LSE students. The 90s across Britain saw a decline in even interest in politics and current affairs - the fall in popularity of TV news and the rise in gameshows is indicative of that. These days, even Government students at the LSE (and this is me and my mates I'm talking about) would probably pay more attention to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire than the Nine/Ten/Eleven/whenever-the-hell-its-on O'Clock News. Mayt)e this has always been the case, but it seems certainly that Last term's march - the first step on the road towards an re-activlsed LSE union? Pic: Mark Simpson to the Fee Fighters simply because apathy rules. And yet, twice this academic year, LSE students have been asked to stand up and be counted - to step into the sandals left by their hippy ancestors. They have whole-heartedly answered that bugle call. The march through central London was packed by LSE members who were prepared to trapse through the city on a Wednesday aftemoon. The Fee Fighters' organisation has over 400 members - making It one of the largest societies in the union. And of course, last Tuesday, hundreds were happy to tum-out for the human chain publicity stunt. However, maybe I'm just a first year news editor getting carried away by a couple of big photo opportunites. Maybe no-one really cares. Many people at the LSE tumed out for the march so that they could skip Wednesday classes and go to a piss-up in Brixton. Many people at the LSE sign up they are self-interested souls who are merely worried about their own finances. But then there are some people at the LSE who value free education - 'as a right not a privilege' - who are ideologically devoted to the current campaign. Because there are some people at the LSE who truly care about the future - in the words of Feders outside the Tuns last Tuesday - "of our children and our childrens' children". Union Jack After the excitement of last weeks instalment of Blind Date Jack wondered how the two contestants Blackwell and Tory Sleaze Hartley had coped with their dream holiday in Bognor. No answer was ever given but the smiles on faces showed that Mickey B had clearly enjoyed 'working under Alex'. With the Fourth Reich fully underway its efficiency could clearly be seen in a fully comprehensive set of minutes. The main business of the day was however the arrival of Scott Rice ULU President. UHUM Well none of you voted for him, but today he brought us exciting news apparently we can vote for his successor as long as its 'the right candidate for the job'. Jack was left in no doubt at the end of the guess the length of the speech competition that listening to 'Captain Ricicle' wasn't worth it and that for a change we should have listened to Oscar, if only we'd known he was from Strand Polly to start with! Sabbs reports told us of the great protest that was the human chain. Designed to help student debt and gain media attention it did both. This fine organ - as the mass publication - has taken up the story and as far as helping student debt many students were unable to get to NatWest to renew their overdrafts on time! It seems that even charity alone won't get Claire into bed with Charterhouse, but if she won't do it for the sorry syphilitic man that is Munterhouse then surely for the starving millions. Jack proposes the Rag Shag for Rag Week live on stage in the old theatre; tickets at a fiver and a live feed to the tuns, all proceeds to charity. Not that I've thought about it much! The motions rolled on with a notice of a constitutional amendment passing by for weeks ahead. The only interesting thing about it was the switching of Grt Dover St with Butlers on the ballot run. Jack wonders if this is so Super Hack 'My Narne Is' Ritesh Doshi can get his Post Grads out to vote before they go to bed. Then came Slackwells motions he emerged as promised from his chair and produced two motions asking for reports or 'work' in Sabb speak. The first went unchallenged but the second on NUS services was a bit more controversial. Apparently Trots at NUS make you sign a confidentiality clause sounds like a closed shop to me, and that's apparently what we'd get if we left! Well it was worth it just to see Blackwells pelvic thrust: it may not be a jump to the Left but it's certainly a step to the Right! As a leading global investor, our most strategic investments are in promising l ALENl. BiimUXEI) FOR ÙqIWBAl HM; V:^\vdm:\r i:\Ki-HR |\ iK)M)8, KlAL mmi OR vmm i'QilTY. 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We also offer internship opix)rtunities. 1!' YOl' TI1 IN'K Y' >r: i A\ E Wl lAT IT T.vKIS, APPIY N 0 v. througli our online application fonn on our website al ww.gic.com.sg. .Alternative^ you could also forward your application to as via email fin plain text widi no attachment) to {anethan@gi'c.com.sg. Please indicate the job title as well as tlie reference code: .AUKl' in the subject field of your ap])lication. We will also be conducting a presentation on 12 Feb 2{X)1, Monday, 6.(X)pni at tlie Ckaham Wallas Room, 5''' Floor Main Building, London Schcx)! of Economics and Political Science (LSE). We look forward to seeing you! #GIC Far Flung TfteBeaver Issue 531 - January 22nd 2001 page S The Beaver's weekly round up of student news from around the country with Ruth Molyneux Universitv of Diirhniii , .s.- * MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY Dull scientists at Manchester University reveal the obvious.....It's time for bed. Don't you all just love the way that scientists spend thousands of pounds investigating things that we all know anyway? Well, Scientists at Manchester University have decided that staying up all night studying doesn't actually do you any good. If you learn things over a long period you're much more likely to be able to recall them. Well whoop de doo.Well done! But what happens when you have a life as well? Watch out Manchester students...they'll be coming after your pubs and bars soon.... o DURHAM UNIVERSITY Students at the University of Durham have taken to tracking each other down in a bloodthirsty pursuit for enjoyment. Members of the Assasins society are alotted a target each week and have to "kill" their victim, while avoiding being assassinated themselves by another member. Some students have expressed concern about the nature of the society, but the two founder members say it is "really good fun." Really? Honestly? o a- ?o \ BRISTOL UNIVERSITY A Bristol graduate who tried to join a Steps tribute band on stage needed nineteen stitches after he was thrown out by bouncers. Gez Smith claims that he was beaten up by the bouncers even though he showed no signs of aggression towards them. Just being there was probably his crime........... SHEFFIELD UNIVERSITY A suspect two foot long python has been spotted at the University of Sheffield. One student saw what she described as a "slithering creature with no legs" in the cacti garden outside the library. Another student was surprised to see the creature slithering around the university beer garden later on that week, saying "It was definitely a snake; I saw one like it on Animal Hospital once." Hmmmm. Sounds suspiciously like a male student trying to pull............. Edtorial Bake et THE MULLET took a rare trip out yesterday to High Street Ken to visit ex-Rolling Stone, Bill Wyman's restaurant, Sticky Fingers. Accompanied by a bevy of television personalities including Fletch from Porridge, Mr Benn, Fred Elliott from Coro and Trigger, the Mullet et at attempted to paint the posh end of London the proverbial red. Unfortunately Bill wasn't available to greet the Mullet and pals but rumour has it that Keith Richards was frying the chips and Mick dagger was washing up. ^ The cheeky buggers in Sticky Fingers though have screwed all of the Rolling Stones memorabilia to the walls which meant that all we could nick was a few books of matches. Rumours that Mr Benn stole Bill Wyman's gold disc of Exile On Main Street have been unconfirmed. After struggling to find a tube to go anywhere after the meal, the Mullet lost five quid, five bloody quid, to Trigger who made a bet about where the tube was going. Ending up in Netting Hill after the meal, it was a case of diving into the nearest pub, then on to Earl's Court. It must have been a good night as the Mullet woke up fully dressed with one shoe on and with a wet tissue in hand. Ahh, the LSE still haven't got the better of the Mullet yet. Basically if the Mullet didn't go to all of his classes before Christmas he was going to get thrown out on / his ear and would have / Nto go to the Strand poly to do a BTEC national diploma in soil studies. "...the committee, although not entirely satisfied that the Mullet has met the conditions, is prepared to let you stay on for another year of pissing your student loan against the nearest wall." Not entirely satisfied? Bloody hell. 1 can't win. Not only did the library run me up a fine of 921 quid for a book that was on the bloody shelf. Not only has Giddens decided to take a sabbatical just when we were getting along so well, but the committee is not entirely satisfied I The Mullet thinks that he might have to start writing his essays in his own blood in order to get anything over a pass and present his head on a stick the next time he has to do a seminar. Don't they realise that some of us have to work in order to fund our way through university? We don't all have mummy and daddy wiping our arses every time the kitty is a bit low after a Friday night out at Crush. Should be grateful really that they're letting the Mullet stay, otherwise it would be straight down to McDonalds to check out their "management opportunities." On to the picnic table episode of Saturday. Upon arriving home at 4am after a night working in the Tuns. This Mullet was shocked to discover a Yogi Bear style pici-nic table blocking the way into the living room. As it turns out Ronnie Barker and his dodgy Spanish mate thought it would be a good turn to steal a picnic table from the local pub and attempt to put it in the back yard. However the only way to get the bloody thing outside is to take the whole of the back wall of the house off. Most people will steal ashtrays or traffic cones. Only the Mullet could live with people who pinch garden accessories when we don't have a garden. Never mind, it can be added to the collection of the National Lottery sign, the Budweiser fridge, several ashtrays and the pit bull terrier puppy. I think the Mullet should become a stand up comedian. I'm in the process of swopping gags for pints of Guiness with the would be Frank Skinner in the conferences office. I've got a great new one Frank, bit rude to repeat here but the punch line is "and then I woke up realising that I was wanking into a dirty sock." You can probably guess the rest. And Clare, you said you wanted a mention in the Beaver's best loved column. So there you go. For those not in the know, Clarence is the (normally) pissed up scouser who runs the lectures you may or may not go to in the old theatre. A close friend of Anthony Giddens, she enjoys Smirnoff Ice, Russian literature, fighting and stealing hub-caps. Occasionally known to chase people with a high heeled shoe aloft, you do not want to mess with this babe. All that it leaves me to say this week is Cock. Piss. Partridge. Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt > and I'm off for a shit now. "I don't mean no disrespect but, you're all physically challenged (fat), repetitive consumers (greedy) and vocally expressive (loud), shouting: 'love me, love me. define me define me!' on Riki 'used to be fat but now I'm not, so aren't I great!' Lake" - slurred my mate Davey 'Ratboaf Summers. Now loyalty is very important, but when 'Ratboat' just turned on a coach load of Americans for no apparent reason the other night in the pub I thought, "steady on - they're not all that bad". Having calmed him down a bit, and having apologised to the visibly shaking American Tourist Collective of Alabama, 'Ratboat' then proceeded to debate with anyone willing to listen, the current status of America, Now Davey isn't the sharpest knife in the draw but he came up with some pretty interesting points. So, only to willing to share wisdom where 1 find it, I noted down some of Ratboat's observations concerning what he called 'America's Empire'. First off. America was founded by quite a gathering of righteous individuals. They started hoping to create as near a perfect nation as men could build on earth with a whole host of inalienable rights and promised themselves that they would not make some of the mistakes their ancestors back over in Europe had made: like going to war all the time. They set America up as a republic and as the property of the citizens of the United States. But like all good things, and remembering that nothing ever lasts forever, America forgot her roots and became an Empire and as it continued to do so, America became what it had professed to so genuinely hate. To quote Rat himself: "Bang Bang, in the name of progress America departed from the truth, and on such a departure there is no place for progress." In the early days, they told themselves that they would respect one another's Liberty. 'Rat' says this has now evolved into granting people a government that watches and subversively coerces their almost every move and has bred cities where getting shot by a school kid Is seen as 'just another all to common household accident'. They said they would cherish Justice. According to 'Rat', that now means a man can kill who ever and how ever many people he likes and get away with it so long as he has enough money to buy the best morally corrupt legal team; if not a judge or politician or media mogul or whoever else has some 'weight' behind them. They also proclaimed they would live by the standard of Equality. That went the same way as the other two pillars of the American way. To quote 'Ratboat' himself, 'The real America really has gone the way of the Dodo". Once it was a land of opportunity, now it is the singie oiggesi monopoly on earth. Once it was the land of the free, now you can't smoke in the street and you have to hide your 'shameful' drinking habits in brown paper bags in case you cause insurrection whilst those on Capitol Hill snort as much cocaine as they can get their hands on. Once you had the right to bear arms, now they want to rob the citizen of that constitutional right. Once it was the land of democracy, now you get tear-gassed and shot for pointing out the fact that power and decision making really isn't that . equitably spread out. And another thing, if American democracy really is 'all that', how come the privilege and ability to become President revolves around how much money you have and what 'secret' societies you belong to? 'Ratboat' said that nearly all the past presidents of America belonged to the Masonic 'Skull & Cross Bones' clan and all of them have always come from rich, corporate or establishment backgrounds. (At which point I said to 'Rat' that there isn't always anything wrong with being rich or aristocratic, it's the way you use it) Nevertheless, he retorted that the place was so corrupt that the outgoing President practically gave the nation 'the finger' and they loved him for it, whilst the Millennial elections stumbled over a democratic process that an elephant and a donkey could have managed with more integrity. Still, he also remarked that they had 4.666 million lawyers over there to sort it all out for them. The point is, and I'll tell you what gets Rat's blue blood boiling, that despite America having the greatest number of fat people on earth (on average . almost 1 in 4 people can't get out of bed such is their bulk), along with the biggest nutcase, maniac and^ weirdo population the prince of darkness has ever assembled, not forgetting a sense of morality that Jerry 'I'm making loads out of you donuts' Springer has just finished writing, the good 'old US of A' continues to pontificate to the rest of us how we should lead our lives! They run around telling the rest of the world to be democratic when half of them can't even manage to put a cross or punch a hole next to the name of the man they want to run their nation let alone count votes in the correct way. How hard can it be to vote for the man you want anyway? What did all those sunburned old 'Floridians' do, go in and decide then and there whom to vote for only to decide later that they had wasted their vote on the candidate called 'Printed in Florida State'? 'Ratboat' then remarked on how they run around bombing little nations and mud huts in the name of 'peace' whilst they carry on making doomsday bombs and invisible fighter planes, not to mention their collaboration with the Martians over the building of UFO's! They think its fine for them to be able to bomb any part of the world in 3 seconds flat; but if someone else decides they want to build few planes, then they start moaning because either that nation may stop buying their stuff or worse still, _ an^^'^ould hefi'meanrwhat would t^^^^ gangs, outlaws and fruitcakes. They also overiook the fact that they are divorcing and degenerating all over the place with the single most important commandment being "its ok to do what you want cos you're an individual". 'Ratboat' almost shed a tear when he considered how different 'Happy Days' would be if they made it today, commenting: "boy would we be watching a different TV show Bang Bang". The Americanisation of the world is perhaps what vexes 'The Ratman' the most (He is terribly vexed!). He holds that they re-write history in their Holly 'swell apple pie mom' Wood films to suit their agenda. They swamp the international martlet place with their 'cultural' re-hashes (WWF wrestling being their only genuinely quality export!). They ruin other people's languages and bombard people with so many material temptations that people all across the globe are now losing their identities. 'Rat' firmly believes that America just wants us all to be good 'consumers' as she builds her economic empire on the basis of "I'll loan you a trillion dollars Mr African >tfountry if you agree to pay us what ever level we Want in return and give us ail your resources and entry to your martlets, and while we are 'negotiating', if you also throw in some cheap child labour." As more and more Americans came over to hear Rat's rant, he drew their attention to the recent Earth Summit alxjut global warming. He pointed out to them that everybody else was prepared to clean up their act to even limited extents (even poor nations who can't really afford to because they owe America so much in loan repayments) so that future generations might actually'have some air to breathe, but not them! The biggest polluters and consuming capitalists on the planet put their foot down and told us all to go to hell "cos they weren't gonna do nothing for no one else but themselves! I could go on all day writing down what ?Ratboat' had to say about America. But then I'd have to use up as much paper and cut down many trees as America does just to make a billion burger boxes a day (that's 48 million trees a day!) -so 1 won't! (Am I not merciful!), I don't think he blames all Americans though. He thinks a lot of them are ok, and a lot of them are 'swell'! He really likes McDonald's. I mean. He wouldn't wish to stereotype start showing a little independent thought. 'Rat' then argued that America ran around preaching the gospel according to 'us' about how to be humanitarian, build communities and uphold family values whilst they carefully overlook the fact that their own nation is riddled with drug dealers. California do if they were to read stereotypical stuff? . Burn it? So, "God Bless America", Davey 'Ratboat' Summers says they're going to need all the help : they can get sooner or later before it all goes BANG Ùq BANGI TheBeaver: Issue 530 - January 22nd 2001 Ùq page 61 TTieBeawer TTiGEcftor Chris Wills PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR Mark Simpson Sectioni NEWS EDITOR lain Bundred Laura Hales LAYOUT EDITOR Sari Rannanpaa SPORTS EDITOR JB Brom Conor McNaliy EDITORS MukuJ Devichand Claudia Junghwa Kim FEATURES EDITOR Charlie Jurd Kerron Rohrer INTERNATIONAL EDITOR Maidah Ahmed b:art DESIGN EDITOR Ian David Curry LITERARY EDITORS Richard Wilding Hye-Young Lim FILM EDITOR Tom Whitaker MUSIC EDITORS Peter Davies Andrew Swann STYLE EDITOR Tola Soleye CLUBBING EDITOR Jo Serieux FINE ARTS EDITOR Shumi Obrasky Collective Catherine Baker, James Baker, Matthew Bargh, Christina Beharry, Matthias Benzer, Vida Bromby - Tavener, Leonard Brouwer, Hannah Bryce, Peter Callas, Peter Charterhouse, Naonai Colvin, Peter Clegg, Michael Collins, Peter Coupe, Ruth Daniels, Peter Davies, Amit Desai, Ritesh Doshi, Lee Federman, Anna Foster, Ian Gascoigne, Shailin Ghelani, Julia Giese, Espen Greig, Sib Hayer, Shah Irani Saphira Isa, Katherine Jacomb, Justin Jewell, Edward Jones, Oscar Kent, Dan Madden, James Meadway, Garbrielle Menezes, Ramez Mikdashi, Linda Morris, Shashwat Nanda, Daniela Oft, Neel Patel, Alison Perine, Chelsea Phua, Kirstine Potts, Claire Pryde, Jan Rattay Zaf Rashid, Loretta Reehill, Mark 'Tunt' Ready, Seniha Sami, Susannah Sava, Matthew Stoate, Jamie Tehrani, Julius Walker, Amy Williams, Nick Wogan, Christina'Yap. 7/ieBeaver is published by the London School of Economics Students' Union and printed by Newsfax, of Unit 16, Carpenters Road, Bow Industrial Park, London El5. They can be contacted at 020 8986 3130. TTiSeauercan be contacted by phone or fax on 020 7955 6705.AII letters for printing should be received by Noon on the Thursday preceding publication. Enjoy a taste of what's to come. Summer internship Before you go ahead and commit yourself to the future, why not take advantage of a chance to sample the possibilities? Because if you've ever thought of a career in corporate banking, Citibank could be just v?^hat youVe looking for. Citibank is part of Citigroup, which serves a broader spectrum of ciistdflnnBrs, In more places and by more means of access and delivery than any other financial services organisation. Our success depends upon a global network of enormously talented people working together. Our summer associate programme is the first step towards joining this global team. The programme offers an 8-12 week placement within: FX/Treasury/Corporate Finance/Relationship Management/ e-business and World Wide Security Services together with business briefings, training and other events. To get involved, please send your CV and covering letter, stating which of the businesses above you have an interest in, to citibanksummer@tmpw.co.uk Closing date; 1st March. JUM- CITIBAN<0 Amemberof cit?)rouiSr 1 Investiiifiit banking in hanciy bite^-itficl chunks. life ,. I . ' t Vi A' - ^ You may seriously be considering it as a career. But, believe us, you don't know what investment banking's really like. Not yet. All that will change on our summer intern programme. You'll be surrounded by clever, fun people. You'll have real responsibility and real work, as early as your first week. You'll also be trained so that you can make the most of every opportunity that comes along. And at the end of the programme, you could walk away with more than just exposure to part of the world's largest financial services group? Because we might make you a permanent job offer too. We guarantee something worth chewing We'll be able to tell you more about that during our presentation. It'll give you an overview of investment banlcing, the qualities we look for, how to be a success at interview and further details on the programme itself. See you on January 25th at 5pm in room 202 on the second floor of Clemen^ House, and for the reception afterwards. Apply on-Line for our 2001 Summer Internship Programme. Applications must arrive by 19th February, www.internship-ssmb.com Schroder SalomonSmithBarney A member of crtiqrou^ (Ùq editors; mukul devichand/claudia junghwa kim -iaaaft buying for a man who made his millions on the back of others getting their bets wrong, ?5million intended to give the Conservative Party 'the very best chance of winning the election and not just putting up a good show' could just be one punt too many for the millionaire businessman Stuart Wheeler. Last week's record donation to the Tory Party came in the wake of the Labour Party having ?6 million added to their own coffers in the form of three ?2 million donations from Lords Hamlyn and Sainsbury and (one would expect the soon to be ennobled) Christopher Ondaatje. VISITATION logics MAve X SO to A HICHAAD beaver link "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." Henry David Thoreau uk: free hong kong: HKD 0.50 all other countries: US$20 poUtics/culture/Ufe back words by james corbett democracy These four sizeable donations have again brought to prominence the issue of political funding in this country. Although no serious question-marks have yet been raised about these particular donors - Hamlyn and Ondaatje are both well-known philanthropists; Sainsbury a long-standing benefactor of the Labour Party; Wheeler a well known city gent of the 'old school' - the sheer size of the sums involved invariably draws a degree of suspicion, however seemingly pure their motivations, about the donors. As a recent House of Commons motion calling for the imposition of a ?100,000 upper limit on individual donations said: 'there is always a danger that parties reliant on millionaire funding will feel beholden to their donors, nervous of offending them and anxious not to jeopardise the chance of further donations.' continued page eisht> BzuxriK conxeriT! the second week of term, and we all want the holidays back, we think it's about time we visited the library; but when we get there we find that the sad people have been there first and have taken all the books out. crush seems like exactly that: the scents of sweat and vodka mix-up our nostrils, no more! rise, young Ise student, from the misery-hole of self-pity, behold all the good stuff in this week's b:link can too much money stifle democracy? pages one ft eight blowing the world to bits Pinochet on the run the secret life of tony giddens Slobodan on trial (not) george dubya who? non-governmental... orgies page two page three page four page five page six page seven All opinions expressed in b:iink, Including opinions of fact, are those of Individual contributers and do not neccasarlly reflect the views of any Editor or of the LSE Students Union in any way or form. page two o o I/)