ni
Af I O
Seaver
Issue 431
The Newspaper of the London School of Economics Students' Union
First published May 5, 1949
November 28, 1995
Features
gets .sorted pti Page
student march hits London
As 100,000 students demonstrate in France, Britain musters 6,000
Dhara Ranasinghe
Students from Universities and Colleges of Higher Education from across the country took part in a national demonstration against student hardship last week.
The demonstration, organised by the NUS filed through London and ended with a rally at Kennington Park.
The march aimed to target the issues of financial support for students and the right to decent housing.
Speaking to The Beaver, Jim Murphy, NUS President, said that hardship amongst students had reached "intolerable levels" with students being "priced out of education" and that some of those students present at the march would not be in education in six months time as a result of the dire situation of education funding. Murphy added that he hoped the demonstration would "deliver a clear message to the Government".
This view was reiterated by the LSE Students' Union (SU) General Secretary, Kate Hampton, who stated that the demonstration would show that the student body was not going to take the issue of education cuts "lying down".
It was clear, however, that the number of students present, estimated at 5-6,000, was down from last year's attendance of about 30,000 students. The contingent from LSE, at around 35 students, was rather small in comparison to other universities, and particularly so considering that the march crossed the Aldwych.
LSESU Welfare Sabbatical, Omer Soomro, described the turnout as "very poor". The SU Executive was mandated to attend and the absence of some members such as Ali Imam, and Martin Benedek was apparent.
The size of the demonstration, in contrast to a similar one held in France last week.


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Demonstrators maintain high spirits on the NUS student hardship march
which involved more than one hundred thousand students, may be seen as a reflection of the widespread apathy amongst the student body in Britain. However, criticisms were
made that the NUS had failed to publicise the protest march as well as it should have done.
Murphy received a poor reception at the rally, being subject to several insults as well
Photo: Stephane Sireau
as rotten eggs. Rumours circulated that he had attempted to downplay the significance
Continued on page 3
Student loans threatened with privatisation
Helena McLeod News Editor
Eric Forth, Minister for Educa tion, announced the publication of the Student Loans Bill on November 17. As The Beaver reported last week, the Government proposed the privatisation of student loans.
If the Bill is passed, the Government will set up a tendering process whereby financial institutions bid for the lowest level of subsidy. The Government would pay subsidies to the chosen institutions providing access to private loans for students but, like the current system, without paying the real rate of interest.
There would still be subsidised public loans through the Student Loans Company
and this "twin track". Forth argues, "would bring choice, diversity and competition to the system. That would lead to improvements in the service to students and, as the market grows, the loan product."
Questions have b^n raised about whether students' welfare is the Government's prime aim. The Bill only indirectly tackles the insufficient size of the loan and grant. Equally it does not address the fact that the fixed
repayment of loans over five years can be not only crippling in the early years of employment but a major deterrent to entering university, especially forpotential students from less affluent backgrounds.
The Conservative Political Centre National Policy Group on Higher Education was set up to discuss this issue amongst
Continued on page 3
2 News
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Return of Judge Hi^ins
UNION JACK
Jack promised a Royal Variety Performance at last week's UGM. Baljit Mahal, having been crowned the previous week as undisputed King of the Union, was to give his coronation oath - a spectacle not to be missed.
Unfortunately, not many people agreed. Instead they decided to go on a march organised by NUS. To lessen their disappointment at missing the great event, Jack can say it was adisaster. Baljit made it clear he would rather be on the march and had not evenpreparedaspeech. Theensuingwaffle was a terrible bore.
Not that Baljit was the only one to emerge with atamished tiara. JohnBennet, beloved Chair of the Union, created another of his infamous impasses whereby his request for a move to a vote was rejected. As no-one wished to give a second speech either in favour or against the emergency motion under discussion, the UGM was trapped in no-man's land.
As all veterans of the trenches know, the
ment is to shoot yourself, or get yourself shot Yuan Potts tried (but failed) to shoot John, who was certainly to blame for leading every one there in the first place. Jack hopes someone points out that if a second speech is heard, or taken formally, there is no need whatsoever to vote on moving to a vote unless the Chair is in training to become an armchair aerobics instructor. The thought of John in lycra shorts and singlet is not appealing.
Neither is the thought of him chairing next week's Annual Budget Meeting. ABM could just as well stand for All Bermet's Mistakes, as the potential for things to go wfong is rather large.
Jack is not going to dwell long on what went wrong with Baljit. He had ccitainly not taken lessons in presentation, unlike that other Royal who aired her love for her future subjects to the gathered masses last week. She looked as if she had been to the exclusive Tim Bell School of How to Appear a Strong Woman (alumna: Baroness Thatcher). Baljit just looked as if he goes to the LSE. Despite the great opportunity given to him to kick-start the campaign for his election to the position of Gen Sec (hitherto a certainty), he fluffed his lines and failed to look up coyly through his eyelashes every 20 seconds.
Perhaps he should have made use of an autocue as well. His only scandalous ad-misjsion was that he is a stranger to Brylcreem; this might explain the flaky, greasy appearance of his hair. He also admitted an ongoing affair with "Jazz"; a caddish scent which has (obviously) enormous attraction with the ladies. Jack has never been able to explain Baljit's popularity with the masses.
Perhaps there will be riiore doubters after last Thursday. And to anyone who took Baljit's encouragement to heart and dashed off to Hyde Park to join the NUS
Chris McAleely
Her Excellency Judge Rosalyn Higgins spoke of a recent "reformation in international law" in a lecture on November 20. It was a welcome return forjudge Higgins, who was Professor of International Law at the LSE for 15 years until her appointment last year as the first female judge on the International Court of Justice.
The Old Theatre was filled with many former colleagues and students, who gave the popular judge a warm reception. She began by detailing the history of her subject at the LSE, which was first offered to students in 1896. Numerous distinguished publicists and theorists of the discipline have taught at the LSE, although many have gone on to take up the Chair at Cambridge. Only in the 1930s was International Law moved to the Law department, from International Studies.
Judge Higgins spoke of how the relationship of International Law with English law has in the past been a difficult one, and that it was only recently, as part of the "reformation", that judges were taking a serious interest. This was, she believed, due to three things: the impact of European Law, the pervasiveness of human rights issues and the ramifications of the lengthy Tin Council case. She quoted as evidence of this change many cases which will be all too familiar to students of Public International Law: Trentex, Gur Corporation, Carl Zeiss...
Judge Higgins said that states were no
;; : ^
Judge Rosalyn Higgins speaking at the LSE
longer the only legal persons before International Law. Over the past 30 years international organisations have become significant in this field. Further, it was her "less than orthodox" view that the participation of individuals at this level was limited only because they rarely come into contact with the subject matter.
She saw little reason why an individual should not have rights and duties before International Law. Illustrating this. Judge Higgins pointed out that it has long been accepted that there is an international crimi-
Photo: Stephane Sireau nal responsibility; from the Nuremberg trials to the recent indictment of individuals on war crimes charges in the former Yugoslavia.
Non-govemmental organisations are also gaining influence in making International Law, as demonstrated by the Rio Summit of 1992 or the Conference on Women in B eij ing this year.
Judge Higgins closed by saying that International Law must be taught as part and parcel of the law, pointing out that it is not yet a required subject for the Bar.
Desai lectures on Fabian founders
trees, Jack would like to point out that it was in Kennington Park. Perhaps it was just as
to do his job of Communications Officer properlybynotpublicisinghismistakemore.
Lord Desai pictured outside tlie Old Building
Dev Cropper
Did Sidney and Beatrice Webb, leaders of the Fabian movement and inspiration behind the foundation of the London School of Economics, abandon their commitment to Fabianism?
This was the question Labour peer. Professor Lord Desai from the School's Economics Department addressed last Wednesday as the guest of the LSE Fabian Society.
Lord Desai argued that they had. The Webbs, he claims, lost patience with the "gradual change towards socialism" of
Photo: St4phane Sireau
Fabianism late in their lives.
The lecture then developed into an appraisal of the potential for modern-day Fabianism. The powers of the nation-state have been weakened in the past few decades by the potential for high-speed movement of capital away from countries which turn towards socialism.
Lord Desai pointed out that this had been forecast by Marx a century ago, and came to the conclusion that only a state of huge economic power could hope to implement socialist policies and survive. For this reason he is, in his own words, a "Eurofanatic."
Alton calls for HE shake-up
Richard IHearnden
Liberal Democrat MP, David Alton, called for the provision of free places on undergraduate courses at British universities for overseas students last week.
Addressing a meeting of the LSE Catholic Society last Tuesday, the Liverpool MP stated his concern for the future of higher education in Britain. In a wide ranging seminar on Christian politics, Mr Alton described such a scheme as being both "fair" and "beneficial to Britain".
Questioned about why British taxpayers should fund foreign students in preference to those from the UK, Mr Alton told The Beaver, "If you take bright young people from the poorest parts of the world, and educate them at a British university, they become the best ambassadors for this country, promoting English values in their own countries."
He continued, "Most people would be willing to pay a penny on income tax if they knew it would be spent on something as vital as the future of our young people."
Alton's remarks came as he addressed the idea of a period of reflection and renewal at the turn of the century, a year of "jubilee", involving the rescinding of all unfair debts. Attacking the third world debt as a "travesty", Alton addressed the need to give more opportunities to the poorest people of the world, and condemned the financial pressures placed on students by "saddling them with enormous debts". Despite such feelings and his stated opposition to the recently announced privatisation of student loans, Mr Alton conceded that loans "are probably here to stay".
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Hong Kong politician attacks Brits
Chi Kaitano
The Hon Dr David K P Li, a member of the Hong Kong Legislative Council spoke at a meeting organised by Focal Point last week.
Dr Li addressed an audience mainly of Hong Kong Chinese and economics students in a speech entitled Beyond 1997: Hong Kong, China and the World.
Dr Li focussed particularly on the challenges that face both Hong Kong and China after British rule ends in 1997. He noted that the situation between Hong Kong and China "is more stable than is perhaps apparent".
Furthermore, Dr Li contended that China could be the "world's largest economy in the next millennium". As for Hong Kong, it is experiencing rapid economic growth and is the eighth largest trading economy in the world.
However, it was the question and answer session after Dr Li's speech that proved most insightful. Speaking about the 'Hong Kong passport issue' in which only 50,000 Hong Kong heads of household are to receive full British citizenship rights after 1997, Dr Li accused Chris Patten, Governor of Hong Kong, of being "a hypocrite, a politician who is merely thinking about his career in the UK".
Furthermore, he accused the Hong Kong British of being "second-rate, although they consider themselves first-rate" and also asked the rhetorical question, "Why are the
Hon Dr David Li, Hong Kong Legislative Counsellor
British in Britain courteous and polite whereas those colonialists in Hong Kong are arrogant and evil? British intelligence is not comparable to Chinese!".
Addressed with the issue of China's goals for Hong Kong, Dr Li said "China will not kill the goose that lays the golden egg. For this reason, prosperity in Hong Kong will increase".
Photo: Guillaume Spinner Perhaps the most telling comment was in a response made by Dr Li to a question on the Tianenmen Square incident -"Tianenmen was terrible, but one must have patience with China". Judging by the number of doubtful expressions on the faces of the audience, it seems many Hong Kong Chinese are yet to be convinced by his reassurances.
LSE academic becomes peer
Newly created peer, Lord Wallace, of LSE's International Relations Department
Student loans
Continued from page 1
others. Although its brief was wide, a unanimous decision on funding of student maintenance was reached.
The Policy Group recommended that the Government adopt the student loans scheme devised by the LSE's Iain Crawford and Nicholas Barr. The proposal incorporates a privately-funded loans scheme, which is publicly collected through the National Insurance system. The benefits include smaller annual repayments spread over a much longer period and also income-related repayment..
Because the contributions system is difficult to avoid, default would be low and this security would attract private investment, which in turn could increase the potential availability and size of loans. As repayments would be spread over many years a real rate of interest could be charged.
The Policy Group's report says that "as the maximum loan rises toward £6,000 by the year 2000 and serious levels of default on repayments develop, the scheme is likely to collapse." Iain Crawford, Head of PR at the LSE; and a member of the Policy Group, said that the only way the Bill would help students is if they could take out both public and private loans.
He explained that "the main objective of the Bill is to free taxpayers' money. Loans and grants cost the taxpayer about £1.7 billion. ff this could be supplied by private capital at current levels, 4% of the PubUc SectorBorrowingRequirementcouldbemade available".
However, it seems unlikely that private funding will be forthcoming without substantial subsidies -estimated at around £ 1,500 per loan by Labour. Banks refused to back student loans when they were initially introduced five years ago, and Nick Cobban, Head of PR at Barclays Group said, "We've been in discussion with the Department of Education but haven't as yet made any commitment... any arrangement to become involved would be a commercial undertaking, we would need to be quite sure of the risk."
There could also be severe pressure on banks from students. Louise Clarke, NUS Press Officer, said that "the NUS is opposed to the Bill" and has written to all banks asking their position and saying they believe students would boycott any bank getting involved. NUS is also asking students to write to their banks saying they'll withdraw their support if the bank becomes involved.
The Bill's Second Reading is due to take place on November 27. Given the wariness of the banks and lack of student support, even if the Bill becomes law its success seems highly questionable.
Hardship msttch
Continued from page 1
of the demonstration. Hampton stated that Murphy had deliberately invited fifteen MPs with right-wing leanings to speak at the rally, knowing that they would turn down the offer. In turn, this would make the protest "less high profile".
The NUS President added that he had cooperated with the police and did not wish to see "stories of student hardmen rather than student hardship become the headlines." While scuffles with the police did break out on Waterloo Bridge, together with attempts by a small minority to form a sit-down protest, both were soon dispersed and brought under control by the NUS stewards present.
Jason H. Kassemoff
LSE International Relations lecturer William Wallace was made a working peer in a list announced on November 18.
Lord Wallace intends to spend most of his time in the Lords concentrating on foreign affairs, defence issues, and with his large experience in academic affairs, he will be concerned with educational matters.
As an academic, Lord Wallace specialises in European and International politics, the European Community, and British foreign policy. Prior to his appointment at the LSE this year, Lord Wallace spent 5 years at St Anthony's College, Oxford, and 12 years at Chatham House with the Royal Institute of International Affairs.
Since joining the Liberal Party in 1960, at the age of 18, he has fought five separate
Photo; Ana Shorter
general elections for the party. He challenged Sir Marcus Fox, Chairman of the Tory 1922 Committee, for the Shipley constituency in the past two elections.
Lord Wallace has been an advisor to three different Liberal leaders. As well as being an experienced policy advisor, he occasionally writes for The Guardian.
He joins the group of LSE Peers in the Lords which includes academics and graduates, the most famous being Lord Desai. Joining the Lords will involve evening and afternoon Parliamentary sessions four days a week.
'Lord Wallace of Saltaire' is his full official title, Saltaire being his home. He follows in the footsteps of Sir Titus Salt, the famous northern textiles magnate in the mid-nineteenth century, who was also a Liberal peer.
Foundation
hit by resignation
Chi Kaitano
The LSE Fouridation is set to lose another senior member of staff.
In February next year, Mike Smithson, Director of Fundraising will leave this position to take up a post as Director of Development at Cambridge University.
Mr Smithson has enjoyed a long relationship with the LSE. A graduate of the School, he spent fifteen years as a journalist before working in the charity sector. He was headhunted for the job in the LSE Foundation last year.
The Foundation was established in 1993 and charged with the task of raising £40 million by the next millennium. So far £7 million has been raised. This contrasts sharply with Cambridge University's target of £250 million of which £150 million has already been raised.
Mr Smithson was quick to note, however, the tremendous support that the Foundation already had, particularly from alumni, one of whom donated £1 million.
On being asked how he felt about leaving LSE after only one year in office, Mr Smithson said his biggest regret was that he wouldn' t be able to see some projects through to their completion - for example, the £15 million renovation of the Library. Despite these misgivings, Cambridge made Mr Smithson what he termed "an offer I couldn' t refuse".
Mr Smithson was, however, positive that the good work of the Foundation would continue, particularly with the launch of the 'US Campaign' in which prominent American alumni will hold various fund-raising functions adding to the funds already raised.
4 Union Page
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Budget '95 - '96
Claire Lawrie Treasurer
Tiis is the ninth week of term, meaning that the usually light-hearted. Union General Meeting (UGM) is taken over by the more serious Annual Budget Meeting (ABM). The ABM is basically a UGM devoted to discussing the Unions finance, presented by the Treasurer.
It cannot be stressed enough how important the ABM is. Finance is essential for the running of almost every aspect of the Union. Everything from the Accommodation Office to the paper used by the Student Union (SU) receptionist must be budgeted for. The ABM is there to ratify the budget so that the ^ SU can operate financially throughout the year.
If you haven't been to one before or are unsure about how an ABM works (whatever the reason -boredom, fear of figures, etc.) then I'll outline some background arid some procedures you should be aware of. This is really a Ladybird Guide to finance, but if anyone wants to have more detailed knowledge then I'll be happy to explain. Although I already expect that this exciting offer may not be that tempting to too many people.
Union Money: 'Where from?'
The SU's main source of income is fi:om the School in the form of a block grant. This year we received £342,740 which works out to be an increase of 3.05%. The School gives the SU this in five instalments throughout the year rather than in a lump sum at the
beginning of the academic year.
Another significant source is our investment income (£15,500). This is the interest on the Union's reserves. This is one of the many reasons why the Union attempts to accumulate reserves as it is a crucial source of income for us.
Other income generators are the New Students' Fair, our contract with STA Travel and others too lengthy to list.
The trading services: The Cafe, The Printroom, The Three Tuns and The Shop also are a source of income. With The Tuns being one of the largest income generators {quelle surprise])
Union Money: 'Wijat is it spent on?'
By far the largest expenditure is in the area of staff costs. We employ 23 members of staff. This is followed by the amount we Spend on Welfare Services (£132,494 this year). We also find the Athletics Union, Societies, SU Reception, Entertainments, The Beaver and other publications, administration... etc.
The simple income/expenditure accountis what makes up the ABM. However, the expenditure on societies is what usually forms the bulk of the meeting. This year I have increased the societies budget to £21,000 transferred from money generated at the New Students' Fair. Apart from this, if you add up the total amount societies asked for, it is a staggering £52,000! Thus, it comes as no surprise that it is this section that becomes the focus of debate. Advantageously, it also contributes towards making the ABM more interesting.
The Finance Committee delved into the society budgets in far greater depth this year in order to allocate
scarce funds as fairly as possible. In fact, it had taken us a meeting that lasted from 3.00pm - 10.30pm to do it.
fused with a motion where you have to write a "Union Notes, Believes, Resolves" etc).
*A11 amendments to the budget
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Lawrie and her lolly
Alas, societies that still feel disgruntled with their allocated budgets are, of course, perfectly entitled to propose an amendment to their respective budget in the societies section.
I'll outline some important rules to remember when making an amendment (this is not to be con-
Photo: Library
will only be given a one-minute speech in favour and a one-minute speech against. So be succinct as possible as no extension time is accepted.
* The budget will be presented in sections i.e. each section on each page. You are unable to change the total amount allocated for the whole
section.
For example, ^y society that wants an increase must state which other society the income is to be deducted from. You are unable to alter the total budget for the whole societies section.
Example from 1994/95 ABM:
Amendment 12 : "Transfer £25 from Sketch to the Eastern Vision Forum".
*In the event of a particular section falling, the procedure from there is that I just revert back to last year's figure adjusted for inflation. The Athletics Union budget is compiled by the Treasurer of the Athletics Union, Scouse Gardiner, but is taken as a section of the whole Union budget.
Hopefully, this is of help to anyone who is unsure about certain procedures. I cannot tell a lie: the first part of the ABM is boring. However, the societies section certainly reflects a normal amusing UGM.
If you've any further queries then you can contact me in my room E206 (along from the Printroom) or dial internally on 7471.
Finally, I'd like to thank the Finance Committee for their help: Kate Hampton, Nick Fletcher, Nick Sutton, Christine Wright, Ed Saper, Benjamin Hawkin, Ali Iman and Sam King.
Amendments to be submitted to, Claire Lawrie in room E206, by Tuesday, November 28 4.00pm.
Apology
The post graduate students' forum is from 12.00 to 1.00 pm in Room E304; not Room E204 as published in last week's Beaver
Notice of Union meetings
Constitution and Steering Committee Monday 5.00, Room El95
Finance Committee Tuesday 3.00 pm, Room E206
Executive Committee Wednesday 1.00 pm, Room E195
Campaigns Committee Wednesday 3.30 pm, Room El95
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THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
WhafsOn 5
The Beaver
Executive Editor
Nicola Hobday
Managing Editor
James MacAonghus
Business Manager
Oliver Lewis
Advertising Manager
Moshe Merdler
News Editors
Nick Sutton Helena Mcleod
Arts Editors
Asim Shivji Emma Justice
Literary Editor
Danny Silverstone
Music Editor
Wayne Rogers
PoUtics Editor
Issam Hamid
Campus Editor
Dave Whippe
Sports Editors
Chris Cooper Danny Fielding
Photographic Editors
Steven Hau Anastasia Shorter
Cartoonist
Hector Birchwood
Staff
Narius Aga, Shaista Ahmed, Mark Baltovic, Laure Beaufils, Graham Bell, Annika Bosanquet, James Brown, Toby Childs, Liz Chong, Sarah Clifford, James Crabtree, Dev Cropper, Rachel Cuthbert, Sarah Davies, Teresa Delaney, Amit Desai, Alex Ellis, Danny Fielding, Nick Fletcher, Scouse Gardiner, Deborah Goldembefg, Tom Greatrex, Sam Griffiths, Kate Hampton, Richard Hearnden, Kerrie Henderson, Juliet Horsley, Helen Jamieson, Danajohnson, Chi Kaitano, Sonia Kalsi, Jason Kassemoff, Pam Keenan, Sarita Khajuria, Toby Krohn, Philip Lam, Claire Lawrie, Susha Lee-Shothaman, Karen Lie, Dennis Lim, Alex Lowen, Chris McAleely, Jessica McCallin,Duncan McGrath, Dan Madden, Baljit Mahal, Nicky Maragliano, Adam Morris, Ben Oliver, Sorrel Osboume, Sarah Owen, Mateo Paniker, Raj Paranandi, Antonio Sosa-Pascual, Judith Plastow, Dhara Ranasinghe, Zaf Rashid, Mervyn Rees, Simon Retallack, Silvia Santoro, Sandeep Shah, Stephane Sireau, Guillaime Spinner, Tom Stone, Alison Summerfield, Peter Udeshi, Gulshan Verma, Scott Wayne, Ina Woyseth and Hae-Yin.
The Beaver is published by the London School of Economics Students' Union and printed by the Isle of Wight County Press Ltd, Brannon House, 123 Pyle Street, Newport, Isle of Wight, (01983) 825333 and at 112 Bermondsey Street, London, SEl 3TX, 0171 3781579.
Societies
Fabian Society
"Does Britain need a democratic revolution?"
Tony Wright MP Tuesday, November 28 1.00 pm, S301
Catholic Society
"Gay- no problem?"
Friar David Williamson Tuesday, November 28 5.30 pm, K51
Psychology Society
"Memory Champions" Dr Elizabeth Valentine Tuesday, November 28 7.00 pm, S318
Jewish Society
Abseil for Charity Proceeds to Jewish Care: Anglo Jewry's largest welfare charity Abseil from the Brunch Bowl into Houghton Street! No previous experience required £5 per person Wednesday, November 29 12.00 - 5.00 pm Brunch Bowl
Latin American Society
Spanish Classes Wednesday, November 29 1.00 - 2.00 pm Beginners 2.00 - 3.00 pm Intermediate Room YOOl
Debating Society
"This House Believes that the United Nations is a Paper Tiger" Wednesday, November 29 1.00 - 2.00 pm, A85
Schapiro Club
Christmas Boat Party Ticket sale daily 11-12 European Institute
Study Room 2-3 Schapiro Room L102 Wednesday, November 29 7.45 - 12.00 pm
Italian Society
Pasta Evening As much pasta, wine and icecream as you can take!!!
Live music! Wednesday, November 29 8.00 pm Quad
Unicef Society
Cards and gifts on sale All proceeds to children in Tanzania Thursday, November 30 Quad
Amnesty International
Letter Writing Stall Thursday, November 30 10.00 am - 2.00 pm Quad
European Society
"1996: Europe at the crossroads" Ian Davidson, FT columnist Thursday, November 30 1.00 pm
Management Society
"People make the difference" Thursday, November 30 6.00 pm Vera Anstey Room
Francophone Society
Christmas Party Food and Wine Thursday, November 30 5.00 to 7.00 pm Underground
Scandinavian Society
Christmas Party Traditional food and drinks
(gl0gg etc.)
Tickets in Houghton Street Members SS Non-members £6.50 Thursday, November 30 7.00 pm Quad
Italian Society
Italian Lessons Friday, November 31 12.00 - 1.00 pm Beginners 1.00 - 2.00 pm Intermediate Room S421
Mauritian Society
Christmas Party Friday, December 1
7.00 pm Top Floor- The Cafe
Indian Society
Annual Dinner/ Dance Ball Formal Dress/ Traditional
Strand Palace Hotel - Friday, December 1
Theatre
Andorra
By Max Frisch Monday, December 4-6th 7..30 pm, Old Theatre
Public Lectures
Dealing with Uncertainty in Finance Models
Dr William Pulleyblank Director of Mathematical Sciences, IBM, New York Tuesday, November 28 5.30 pm, Old Theatre
The Directors' Lectures The School; The Future and the Social Sciences
Dr. John Ashworth Director of the School Thursday, November 30 5.30 pm. Old Theatre
University of London Lecture
The Stamp 50tb Anniversary
Lecture "The Quest for Exchange Rate Stability: Realistic or Quixotic?"
Mr Paul Volcker Former Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, USA Wednesday, November 29 6.00 pm Beveridge Hall, Senate House, Malet Street, WCIE 7HU.

The long tiawalted and^ much anticipated Editorial stuck in an obscure comer to
One thing that I have leamt in my new position as Executive Editor: everything is Slow my fault. Therefore I would now like to apotogise to all those who will be offended in this issue and in all the issues to follow.
^ Sorry to:
Esther (barmaid)
Baljit Mahal KatrinBenhold Jonathan Bennet All section editors All the photographers All the executive
Ah Iman - we havn't insulted you this week but we probably will soon
Every oppressed minority in the
world
Every letter writer whose bonng and badly sjpelt offering does not get in -censorship obviously.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Not really, sod you all. ,	-g,	y,
^ Nicola Hobday „
6 Features
THE B^AVfeR
NOVEMBER 28,1995
What price ecstasy?
Mara Myres examines the growth of the dance drug culture and sees
how government attitudes have changed
T 1 ^
E or not to E?" That is the question that up to 1 million young people will ask them selves this weekend in nightclubs across Britain. Since ecstasy arrived on the British drugs scene in the summer of 1989, millions of ravers have enjoyed the amazing highs it brings. Yet ecstasy is only one of a cocktail of drugs including cannabis, speed, acid, and cocaine which are easily available in Britain. Users in all walks of life derive pleasure from inhaling, injecting and ingesting drugs every day. Widespread drug use in Britain is a fact of life.
But the pleasures drugs bring do not last forever and the highs are soon replaced by depression, exhaustion, unconsciousness and even death. That is not to mention the financial, emotional and family problems which also arise, of which we have been made painfully aware in the past few weeks. Daniel Ashton and Leah Betts recently joined the growing number of teenagers who tragically paid for their ecstasy highs with their lives. More than 50 young people have been lost to this drug since 1990, leaving distraught families shocked by the premature deaths of their loved ones. In the case of ecstasy, contamination was initially thought to be the cause of death as a consequence of Dutch drug suppliers flooding the UK market with impure tablets. The post-mortem into the death of Leah Betts, however, found no sign of contamination. "There is no such thing as a safe ecstasy tablet", heard the inquest into one of the other deaths. Yet ecstasy is not the only drug which ruins and ends lives; an estimated 25,000 people die per year as a result of alcohol consumption.
How can such problems be overcome and tragedies averted? Unfortunately there is no easy answer. Different governments try different strategies with variable amounts of success. The policy most recently employed by the British government has attempted to dissuade young people from taking drugs using scaremongering tactics and encouraging them to "Just say no". While this policy has had some success, many young people have firmly decided to
take drugs and government slogans will do little to dissuade them. The Health Education Authority is therefore trying a new approach based on education instead of persuasion.
The new three year drugs education publicity campaign is part of the government's White Paper initiative "Tackling Drugs Together". It aims to provide young people
Users in all walks ^ of life derive pleasure from * inhaling, injecting and ingesting drugs every day. Widespread drug use in Britain is a
fact of life. B
with an impartial account of the facts about drug taking. The first major project was the launch last Thursday of the National Drugs Helpline on 0800 776600. It is a free confidential service available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Calls will not appear on itemised phone bills. The helpline will be staffed by trained counsellors who will provide advice and information about drugs, details of local services, sources of safe drugs, and contacts with others who may be able to help. The helpline number will appear on club flyers and in magazines read by young people.
How is his new campaign any different from its predecessor? The main difference comes in attitude. Instead of simply telling young people to refuse drugs, the new campaign accepts that people will take drugs and attempts to enable them to do it in the safest way possible. The change in attitude is similar to that which has transformed sexual habits. Previously sex outside marriage was simply discouraged and the problems experienced by those who did it were
kept quiet. Now that AIDS is a serious problem the emphasis in sex education campaigns is upon safety. The message to young people is "If you're going to have sex, make sure you do it safely". Using a similar approach to drug use.
Who does E think E is?
the new campaign will emphasise safety, assuming that people have made up their own minds about taking drugs.
How will the new drugs campaign affect the LSE? Well, like any institution for young people, the LSE has its fair share of drug users and lively debates about drug issues. In keeping with the traditionally liberal attitude of the LSE, the Union General Meeting voted in 1994 to support the decriminalisation of cannabis, claiming that it is no mpre harmful than cigarettes and alcohol which are legal drugs.
The new Helpline will be one more source of help
and advice to LSE students, in addition to the counsellor and welfare officers which the LSE provides for students in difficulties. Student Union (SU) Sabbatical Welfare Officer, Omer Soomro, adopts a similar approach to that of the new campaign. Accepting that many students will take drugs, he says, "Be safe if you won't say No". Omer urges campaigns to be succinct and informative about using drugs. For example they should advise students about safe doses of drugs and about mixing drugs with alcohol. Above all, he says, campaigns should not be patronising: if they are, they won't work. The SU will be holding a drugs awareness week later this year.
Ater the recent criticism in the press of the government's approach to drugs, government ministers be doing some soul-searching. The drugs problem is a hard nut to crack but is also politically sensitive given the trauma it brings to many families.
Instead of simply telling young people to refuse drugs, the new campaign accepts that people will take drugs and attempts to enable them to do it in the safest way possible.
Photo: Mateo Paniker
Hopefully the different approach encapsulated in the new drugs education campaign will be more successful at preventing drug-related deaths and health problems. This approach has already been tried in the Netherlands which traditionally has an ultra-liberal approach to drugs. Though drug use is much more widespread there, users can take drugs more safely than in Britain. For example, ecstasy users in the Netherlands can have their tablets tested for purity by street agencies and in some nightclubs. Such controls quickly trace impure batches which users avoid. Without these controls in Britain, drug users are much more likely to buy a contaminated tablet and suffer the consequences. Though testing facilities on the scale that exist in the Netherlands seem a long way off in Britain, at least the new drugs helpline can advise users where to obtain pure tablets. In any event, we must be optimistic that a new approach to drug use is being tried.
Despite the recent ecstasy deaths and public debates they have provoked, thousands of people will take ecstasy and other drugs this weekend. Some may be worried about what they're doing, some may not care, and some may get an even greater high knowing the risks they are taking. Whatever advice drug users are given and whatever approach the government employs to control the; problem, the drugs industry is here to stay. We can only hope that with the new approach being tried in the drugs education campaign, fewer people will pay for their highs with their lives.
THE BEAVER^
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Features' 7
Tie a red ribbon round tiie old oak tree
Sanchita Islam examines World AIDS Day and asks "What's the point?"
Nigerian Demonstration
In the time it takes you to read these two sentences, somebody, somewhere in the world will have contracted HIV. It could be from using a syringe or from a homosexual encounter, but it is more likely that 80 per cent of infections are passed between a man and a woman. It happens every 20 seconds. That is why there is a World AIDS Day, to spread^wareness among the people.
How effective are such world events ? In spite of a massive international effort there is still no sign of an effective vaccine; no sign that the virus is likely to become less virulent. Leading policiticians from 42 nations will gather on 1 December 1995 to focus attention on the AIDS/HIV epidemic. They will make declarations and grand statements. But it is doubtful that they will say anything that will provide a tangible change to the 40 million or so who will be infected by the end of the century, or the millions now suffering from AIDS. Science probably knows more about HIV and how it operates, but at the end of the day knowledge is not power when it comes to HIV.
Despite the endeavours of scientists, there is still much to to discover. Nobody understands how the virus slowly eats away at the immune system. Does it directly kill the cells in which it is concealed? Or does it trick the immune system into attacking itself?
So what will World AIDS Day do about these problems? Not a lot. What's the point of distributing millions of red ribbons to people? The point is it will spread awareness and raise lots of money. At the end of the day, it might seem simplistic, but the more people know about this killer virus, the
more people will practice safe sex and hopefully reduce the startling rise in people contacting the virus each year. Money is also the key to the battle against this virus.
World AIDS Day is also about empathy. Empathising with the suffering of these people, and telling people that AIDS victims do not just comprise European gay and heterosexual people but children. The number of children affected by the HIV virus if far, far greater than most people realise.. With a traditionally adult approach to AIDS among professionals, and with AIDS funding rapidly diminishing, there is a real danger that children's needs are being marginalised. The enduring stigma of HIV and AIDS means that parents do not want to tell their children that they have the virus. It's bad enough facing the stigma of AIDS as an adult, what must it be like for a child?
What about AIDS in the Third World? It is very easy to see Aids only in the context of Europe or Great Britain, but AIDS is attacking the world. In this country we do not really see the impact of AIDS on the population. Victims tend to stay safely tucked away out of sight. In contrast the AIDS epidemic in Uganda is causing food shortages and stifling economic growth. Twelve years after the first AIDS case was identified in the country, official figures estimate that 1.5 million people are infected with the HIV virus - slightly under 10 per cent of the population. With almost 100,000 people dying of AIDS every year, life expectancy is now in decline in Uganda. That's what World AIDS Day is all about, spreading the word, dispeling ignorance, denial, and attacking the stigma of the virus.

Otueen of broken Hearts
/ ......•-
Photo; Stephane Sireau
On Friday, November 17, a pro-democracy demonstration on behalf of the Ogoni rights movement in Nigeria was staged. This photo depicts one of the organisers urging his fellow demonstrators to be peaceful, after a minor skirmish with pro-Abasha demonstrators thirty metres down the road.
This slip is courtesey of the LSE Nigeria Action Campaign. Cut it out and send it to show your support
Shell Boycott Campaign
To John Jennings (Chairman, Shell International Petroleum Co. Ltd.)
Dear Sir,
I will forthwith boycott all Shell products due to Shell's appalling environmental record in the Ogoni region of Nigeria, until Shell rethinks its oil extraction and production activities in Nigeria. I will also encourage my family and friends to join the Shell boycott
campaign.
Signed
Name
ISSUED BY: LSE NIGERIA ACTION CAMPAIGN
8 Arts
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Galactic Exclusive: Film Festiv
Fabulous film festival features fantastically for film freaks
The London Film Festival can be said to be a movie - a fairy tale -in itself.. It is about individuals going to the ticket office on Leicester Square two weeks before anything has started and being told all tickets are sold out. It is about individuals queueing up half an hour before the show starts and getting to know other people who are also queueing. It is all about seeing the people you've just queued up with getting into the cinema and you being told the last ticket has just gone: "No more, sorry!". It is about you trying to bribe the person sitting behind the counter, only to then discover you were queueing up for the wrong movie in the first place. But it is also a big experience. Every major director was there, hidden in the middle of the audience, just waiting for the movie to finish to give out a speech. I myself asked the woman next to riie whether she happened to be Spike Lee, but she did not answer (she was Martin Scorsese, I knew it....). It looks like everyone just goes there to be able to say they've been there. That's why I got a press pass from The Beaver in order to see all of them for free, but the catch was I'd also have to review them all...
own wife. The commodity bought goes under the name of Sharon Stone (Ginger, in the movie). The only reason she exists is to create a dispute between De Niro and his friend Joe Pesci (Nicky) and to make the movie a little bit easier to bear for the audience. Nobody understands what Joe Pesci does, but that is of little importance. The movie is set in the only place where the movie could be set, which is Macao (no, actually in Los Angeles), and everyone would agree that Martin Scorsese would have been better off had he spent his money gambling himself rather than directing such movies. Perfect to watch with a potential girlfriend, as long as you are very ugly and have lots of money.
Ulysses' Qaze
Director: Theo Angelopoulos
^hen director Theo Angolopouloi jumped on stage to introduce his movie he started speaking in French. But it was only when the person standing beside him tried to translate what he was saying into English that some sort of rebellion arose from the ninetynine percent Greek-

Ulysses a-head of the rest?
Casino
Director: Martin Scorcese
^ I ^en minutes into the movie and at X least twenty people had already been shot dead, twelve had snorted cocaine, the world "fuck" had been pronounced six hundred and ninety three times, and you could very easily say who was the good guy, who was the bad guy, who was going to have sex with whom and who was going to die at the end. Nonetheless the movie, shown as an international premiere, went on for another two and a half hours (or maybe less - it just seemed to drag on forever). I am not going to tell you what goes on during the film (rephrase: I am not going to reveal to you the only thing that keeps you from engaging in a nose-picking competition with the person sitting next to you). But I am going to introduce you to the main actors and actresses of the movie. Robert the Niro (Ace, in the movie) is a gambler. Not that he gambles, he just runs the casino that the movie is all about. This is why he has so much money that he can afford to buy his
Institute Be^jementa
was") more than he was chosen. Not to be missed though....
Unzipped
Director: Douglas Keeve
Photo: Josef Koudelka speaking audience. It was at the same time that I realised that they had either moved the Film Festival to Athens or the movie itself was about the Balkans. Scenography-wise the movie is stunningly beautiful and in true Angelopoos styles it is colossal. The movie is all about a filmaker (Harvey Keitel) obsessed by the research of the first three reels ever shot in the Balkans by the Maniakas brothers and never developed ("a lost gaze" he calls it) there since. Such an odyssey takes him throughout the whole region and provides the pretext for focussing on the issue of war, unexisting borders and lots of other things which I did not and no-one else beside Angelopoulos himself and the reviewer of Time Out understand. The movie does suffer from the unlucky choice of Harvey Keitel as a main character. The acting, in his case, was so fake, and some of the English dialogues (he is an American filmmaker in the movie) just did not fit the whole setting. You could read between the lines of what Angelopoulos was saying that Keitel had rather imposed himself ("he came to my studio with twenty editions of the Odyssey and when I read out a poem by T.S. Elliot he said it sounded familiar but he could not remember in which chapter it
Avery nice lady who can talk to nimals gets to live, somehow, somewhere, sometimes, with seven little things called "dwarves". They go out hunting and gathering while she stays at home and cleans the house. But a witch poisons her because she is so beautiul. She has a huge sleep and wakes up only when the cutest of all princes decides he has nothing else to do but to kiss her. This is exactly what Unzipped is not about. Unzipped seems to be the only movie without Harvey Keitel. His place is taken by such people as Kate Moss, Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell and many others whose names I am not going to copy out from this newspaper I have before me. One might indeed argue that, seeing the cast, the movie is worth watching. I myself totally agree with that. Isaac Mizrahi, a world-famous fashion designer I had previously never heard of, dressed up to look like Isaac Mizrahi, plays the part of Isaac Mizrahi.
This movie-documentary witaesses the creation of his fashion show and represents one of the most hilarious experiences I went through at the London Film Festival. Though someone might be disturbed by the hand-held camera techinque which make you think they invested thirty-five pounds in the movie when in reality they paid billions to shoot it; it certainly makes forentertaining viewing. Take
Photo: Library
your family to see it if you are trying to tell them that you want to be a fashion designer.
institute f^enjementa
Director: The Brothers Quay
Even if the title sounds German the movie is British, believe it or not. The plot is so strange that it is a really difficult task to describe it. Basically: this man who is ano-hoper (Mark Rylance) gets into this institute run by Herr Benjamenta (Gottfried John) and his sister (Alice Krige). This institute is supposed to teach him how to be a servant, but he soon discovers that this is done in a frustrating, incomprehensible, somehow humiliating way. Along with most of the audience, he falls in love with Fraulein Benjamenta, the sister, and he decides to rescue her from the sadness of her job. It is a very intellectual, art-like, movie. You can tell that from the fact that after the first ten minutes half of the people leave and the other half fall into a trance from which they'll never recover. On a more serious line, the camerawork is just amazing. The film is worth watching in order to make comments on the beauty of Alice Krieg or to have an excuse (brain damage) not to hand in your assesment essay at the end of the term. Bring your worst enemies here.
I^eyond the Clouds
Director: Michelangelo Antonioni
Beyond the Clouds
Photo: Library
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Arts 9
d attended by hoardes of alieiis
Filippo Ferri fantasises. Daniel Silverstone was there too.
Italian director Antonioni decides all of a sudden - he is seventy years old -to produce a movie. The fact that hejust had a stroke which "robbed him of his speech" is self evident throughout the whole film: nobody speaks. What Antonioni failed to realise is that Wim Wenders, whom he wanted as a help, tried to exploit the situation by making it his own movie. The result? You can hardly tell what's going on. Antonioni analyses the concept of people meeting together and falling in love.
The movie is divided into four different short movies all on the same topic. It is probably what everyone expects Italian/ European cinema to be like: beautiful sceneries, the architecture integrating with nature to convey a feeling of old civilization, mixture of languages and of cultures, romantic love and so on and so forth. Antonioni could rely on probably the best cast he could find, starting from Irene Jacob, Sophie Marceau, John Malkovich, going on to Vincent Perez, Chiara Caselli, Kim Rossi-Stuart. One cannot deny, though, that the acting seems so fake and unnatural that it also helps to spoil an already-thin plot. Somehow it deserves to be seen, though more as a tribute to two leading directors. Family watching, ie parental guidance: Antonioni - true italian as he is - did not lose his ability to shoot naked women....
£a Haine
Director: Mathieu Kassovitz
La Haine is probably the most incendiary film of the festival and it is also the most overrated. A black arid white, medium budget movie, in French, it has been catapulted into stardom with its gritty portrayal of the Parisian ghetto and the divided society it reflects. Inspirationally shot, the camera angles are always unusual, constantly alternating from long close ups and unusual shots from behind, to sky high shots above. It captures the bored, macho posturing of male adolescence pushed to extreme actions by constant police harassment and dire prospects. Refreshingly multi-cultural and plain, the total effect is pleasing. However, the dialogue is patchy and hampered by clumsy subtitles.
Most of it consists of the boys squabbling, which ultimately becomes irritating and repetitive. With little character development or depth, it is difficult to empathise with any of the protagonists despite the increasing tension. Though the ending is brilliant in its unpredictablity and damning implications. La Haine still remains only a mediocre film.
Director: Todd Haynes
plicably suffers from an allergy to mundane chemicals, which directorTodd Haynes sardonically labels "twentieth century disease". It is this sort of attitude, embellished with dark humour and macabre satire, that makes Safe uniquely chilling.
The often uncomfortable and disquieting content is fortunately balanced nicely by the linear narrative, the onset of the disease and the compelling performance by Julliane Moore, who perfectly captures her character's bewilderment and ever increasing emanciation. The second part of the film is a satire of the often devastating effects of New Age remedies, and apart from one cheap gag, is consistently provocative and ambiguous.
T/ie brothers
Director: Edward Bums
Safe is a masterful, poignant rework ing of one of the most flimsy of genres - the disaster movie. Set in Los Angeles, it traces the deteriation of wealthy housewife, Carol White, who suddenly and inex-
The comparison does not end there, as Bums also plays himself (a struggling script writer), and has his real-life girlfriend as his movie lover (the beautiful and alluring Maxine Bahns). The film relies on the three brothers being different enough to present conflicting views, but not bizzarre enough to be unrealistic. Patrick, the youngest brother, is probably the most consistently entertaining with his strong moral conscience and rash actions, which constanly throw his life into confusion. If there is any criticisrri, it is that the macho rivalry is sometimes unnecessarily insensitive. However, the film is still extremely entertaining, despite its trite ending. Barring any Mia-Farrowesque revelations it seems Bums will be a star of the future.
The Brothers McMullen, a fraternal tale of American Irish Catholics looking for love, is a low buget. endearing romantic comedy which deservedly won the grand jury prize at this year's Sundance Festival. Best compared to a light Woody Allen film. Bums brings a similar sense of religiously driven humour, guilt and anxiety to the familiar conflicts of love and sex. Deliberately steeped in its own ethnicity. Bums successfully evokes the brothers' Irish Catholicism in the same way Allen does with American Judaism.
(CcpMiipcgtlflttfldDffii Pgairti II
We have 20 pairs of Late Show tickets to give away to the first people who can be bothered just to give their names in to The Beaver office!! C'mon guys thats not too much of a strain!
Tickets are to see any showings after 11.00pm on a Friday or Saturday night at the brand new Warner Brothers, cinemas in Watford, Croydon or Harrow.
Deadline: Wednesday, November 29
Intrigued by the plethora of posters stamped 'Andorra' that have covered my lecture theatres, and discovering that they had nothing to do with the Andorran tourist board but instead a much more sinister organisation called Market Forces, I sauntered down to the Students' Union to find out a little more about what it all meant.
Whilst I was tackling the swing doors of the East Building and attempting not be lured in by the alcoholic appeal of the 'Tuns' I ran into three guys who answered to the name Market Forces and admitted that this red stamp business was really their idea.
A snow-white Andorra?
Stephen Lloyd previews the Drama Society's latest masterpiece
Well now that I had found the culprits I felt that interrogation was obligatory. Thankfully they had no qualms about admitting it all: Fmstrated by the lack of arts at the LSE and guessing that they were not the only ones who felt this way, they founded Market Forces theatre company, their aim: to do a bit of drama, have a bloody good time along the way and also make a name for the LSE.
Their first project 'Andorra', a play by Max Frisch has already attracted a lot of attention, they had over a hundred people to audition for only twelve speaking roles and this has ensured that the standard of the
xciung renearsais lor Anaorra
acting is incredibly high. The cast is a mixture of people, one has been to drama school, one is a member of the National Youth Theatre, one is working in professional film and the directors are Edinburgh Festival veterans. Not bad for a bunch of economists.
The play is an excellent choice, they chose it because although it is frequently studied it is rarely performed. It focuses on a country called Andorra (a fictitious state) and a youth named Andri who is told from birth that he is a Jew. The prejudices and pre-conceived ideas of his 'fellow' people lead to his insanity and untimely death. When it is revealed that Andri is not a Jew, but the illegitimate son of an Andorran teacher the hypocrisy and irony shines through.
Although I was unable to see the press performance because it is after we go to print, I managed to talk to some of the actors and get a feel about the production. Nik Morandi, a first year economics student leads the cast well as Andri. Although he is only 18 he has had much experience in amateur as well as professional venues. Karen Shefier, a-first year law student plays Andri's sister. She too has impressive credentials having been to stage school before coming to the LSE.
There are also some more familiar faces, Daniel Crowe who played the lead in last year's Dangerous Liaisons directs along side Asim Shivji.
Andorra is worth seeing not only because of the strong cast, or because Frisch's work is excellent but because it is a sneak preview of things to come.
Andorra
by Max Frisch 4th - 6th December Old Theatre
Tickets: £3.50 Available from ULU box office on 0171 323 5481 or stall on Houghton Street
2 pairs of tickets and a bottle of wine to the first two correct answers to this question:
What nationality was Max Frisch?
1.	German
2.	Swiss
3.	Australian
Answers to The Beaver office by Thursday,
November 30.
10 Arts
THB BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Damien Hirst gets dissected
Moshe Merdler looks at the artists shortlisted for the Turner prize
The Turner Prize 1995
Tate Gallery Free Admission Until 3rd December
The Turner prize exhibition in tends to promote new developments in British visual arts, especially to those who are not acquainted with the somewhat "underground" contemporary art, featured in smaller commercial and public galleries. This year's exhibition includes four short listed artists; Mona Hatoum, Damien Hirst, Galium Innes and Mark Wallinger. They are all British, under 40, and are regarded as having had a forceful and enduring impact on contemporary, new development art.
The exhibition displays the four artists contrasting techniques Damien Hirst is well known to the public thanks to his leaking sculptures. Hirst tries to express in his work the dilemmas inherent in human existence. "Mother and child divided" is Hirst's well known sculpture comprising of a cow and her calf bisected, displaying the four halves in seperate tanks of formaldehyde solution. Though very impressive, it raises the question of whether Mr Hirst is simply
trying to shock.
Apart from the sculpture there are two additional works which feature coloured circles . These circles symbolise pills and express the artist's objection to pharmaceutical stimulants or narcotics which he regards as part of a "belief system". To my mind. Hirst is one of the pillars of modem
aggressive art which puts forward ideas and conflicts with more emphasis on content than aesthetics.
Galium Innes is the second artist featured in this exhibition. His work concentrates on exploring the various effects of paint on canvas. All of his paintings are abstract and the use of turpentine creates an
Damien Hirst, Mother and Child, Divided 1993.
Photo: Jay JopUng
accidental effect. In contrast to the other artists, Innes's work is more sterile and does not provoke people to question contemporary social issues.
Mark Wallinger is definitely the most British artist in this exhibition. In most of his work he criticises the upper class by parodying the horse racing world. Most of it is ironic and he even mocks himself in his self portraits.
The last, and to my mind the most interesting artist, is Mona Hatoum. Although only two of her works are featured in this exhibition, they are both powerful and intimate. For intimacy is what Ms Hatoum seeks to explore, or more accurately the violation of privacy. The first work, an installation, is called Corps e'stranger and features a circular room containing a video, projected onto a circular screen on the floor. This installation creates a peep-show room atmosphere, backed by endoscopic examination of the artists body. Although the general scene is far from attractive, most of the people "examined" the film with great interest. I think that by this Mona made her point.
Generally, I found the exhibition very interesting and recommend it to everyone - even to those who don't regard art as their cup of tea.
Beaver Special Offers for Christmas
If you are bored by board games, compulsory at this time of year, take a look at GooT, the new game from a young company which is hitting local toy shops now. GooT comprises a VHS video and hundreds of cards. On the video are shortsketches which end in sticky situations. This is where you come in: you've got to Get Out Of That situation, but using words which your fellow players give you,written on cards which they have, like Vaseline, Plastic ears and monkey-wrench to name but three.
This game has been tested on a real life family (mine), and it turned out to be very amusing indeed. The potential Christmas present is selling at £24.99. For further information, call 01734 569 888. Stockists: Hamleys, WHSmith, Toys 'R' Us, Five To Twelve and Selfridges.
win! win! win! win! win! win! win! win! win! win! win! win! win! win!
To try and get out of those tall tales, ripping yams and outrageous excuses for FREE, we have two boxes of GooT to give away. Just answer the following extremely ditficult question to enter.
What does GooT stand for?
Put the answer, your name and number on a piece of paper and pop it into The Beaver office (C023).
The Beaver has unearthed the ideal stocking-filler! "Get Stuffed" is a humorous and very useful guide to cheap student recipes.Catering for that ever-empty pocket and stomach, with a wide range of eclectic recipes such as the mysterious Recipe X and the sensatiuonal and taste-bud-blowing Recipe Y. Exciting and fun, this book is a must for anyone living ont his planet.
All you have to do is send a cheque for a mere £3.95 to: Cambridge Publishing Group, 20 Perowne Street, Cambridge CBl 2AY.
Name:
Yes! Please rush me my copy of GET STUFFED
Address:
Please enclose cheque for £3.95 payable to 'Gambridge Publishing Group', with your name and address on the back., and they wil iend you a very nice book in due course.
LSE Bsaver Amazing Offtr
^..London,,,
THIRSTY?
Win a free 24^ bottle crate of premium beer, every weekday
till l4th December 1 ticket with every beer bought The Slug and Lettuce (Upper St. Martin's Lane) Prizedraw every night 10.30
Top 10 X'mas Presents
1)	Paula Yates: Autobiography
2)	Subscription to More!
(Smart girls get More! and the position of the fortnight....)
3)	100 gms of Beluga Caviar
4)	Ask your arigels: the practical way to working with angels to enrich your life
5)	Pierce. Pierce. Pierce. Pierce
6)	Plastic surgery (liposuction, nose jobs, butt tucks...)
7)	Natural Law Party annual membership subscription... soothe your love's mind... enhance their yogic abilities
8)	Dinner for two at Wong Kei's (Verbal Abuse Free!!!)
9)	John Major talking alarm clock
10)	Kisses from the Beaver studs /babes (vouchers next issue)
THEBEA^^k^
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Letters 11
Letters to the Editor... Letters to the Editor... Letters to the Editor
Goebbels or Gonzales?
LGB clarify their position
Dear Beaver
"I am Mr Goebbels, THE NAZI PROPAGANDIST THAT HATES ALL JEWS".
Such is the impresion that Mr Weinberg has of me just thanks to my article on the 7th November " Peace for Palestine". I am no academic on the matter, I only tried to put d(Jwn my views. As a consequence I have found out that I used " inflamatory rhetoric ... inciting violence". I shall apologise, I did not mean to start the Third World War or anything like it, but it seems that Yigal Amir somehow got to read my article and decided to kill Yitzhak Rabin.
I feel Mr Joshua Weinberg is one of those people who hates to be critiziced and when that happens turn on the defensive. The USA has openly supported the state of Israel and I feel that this special interest comes from the high proportion of Jewish population in the USA's high class. If you watched the burial of Rabin you may have noticed Clinton wearing one of those skull caps. I do not feel that this explanation is so far fetched and I must show my ignorance to Mr Weinberg since I have never heard of
The Protocols of the Elders of Zion or Pat Robertson's works.
Maybe he should have written the article. My decision to write about a topic on which I had a vague idea of the facts was basicaly because I felt there was something more to the LSE than a good degree. I agree with Mr Weinberg in the intellectual debate for which the LSE is so reknowned for, but we are the ones who must continue it. I am very pleased at the large number of letters recieved in relation to the article, but I expected people to correct me and put different points forward, hot criticise for the sake of criticising.
I admire the Jewish society and their comradeship. They have proven to be successful in many areas and should be congratulated for it.
When I wrote the article I tried to be objective and impartial: Mr Weinberg must realise that even if truth lies with the person who holds it, tolerance is more important. I would urge him to give his own account for the history of the Palestinian problem and let people build their own opinions.
Yours
Carlos Gonzales
The Cyprus debate continues
Dear Beaver,
This letter aims at clarifiying some points raised by M. Neophytou's letter in last week's Beaver.
I think everybody has had enough of Greek and Greek Cypriot propaganda about the 'injustice' of Turkish intervention in Northern Cyprus in 1974. Firstly, Turkey intervened because Turkish Cypriots were under the threat of extermination. Secondly, Turkey did have the legal right of intervention because it was one of the the guarantors of the Republic of Cyprus. Turkish Cypriots had been killed since early 1960s and president Makarios did nothing to stop it. He declared the 1960 constitution "dead and buried" and violated the constitution by discharging all Turkish Cypriots from civil service, government and parliament. In 1967, the then all Greek parliament passed a resolution forEnosis, i.e. unificaton with Greece. Murders continued in 1970s and Nikos Sampson, who had approached Makarios with a plan to slaughter the entire Turkish population (see Pierre Oberling, Negotiating for Survival) implemented his coup in ¦July 1974.
Now Turkish intervention was a response to all that had been happening. The intervention was legal because Greek Cypriots violated the constitution and aimed at uniting the Cyprus Republic with Greece. Their goal of 'solving' the problem by killing as many Turks as possible was clear from the beginning: Makarios had warned after the killings of Turks by the Greek Cypriots in 1964 that "should Turkey intervene, it would find no Turkish Cypriots to save".
As to the anger and frustration of nationalist Greeks and Greek Cypriots, it results from the fact that they have not been able to make Cyprus "free" from Turks. Even worse, their actions led to deployment of Turkish
Omer-phobia ?
Photo; Library
Dear Beaver,
I would like to clarify the position of the LGB Soc. with regards to our recent posters entitled "Homophobia in the Welfare Office". I did not mean to infer that the full-time staff in the Welfare Office were homophobic - they do a considerable amount of good work for lesbian, gay and bisexual students at the LSE The posters were aimed at the Welfare Sabbatical, Omer Soomro, who has compromised his position by the line he took on an LGB Officer two weeks ago.
Yours
Nick Deardon
LGB Soc.
troops in the island to protect the Turkish Cypriots. They could not get rid of the T urks and totally Hellenise the island. I have to tell them that Turkey will make sure that they will remain angry and frustrated about this fact in the future, ie they will not be able to make Cyprus totally Greek.
Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus (TRNC) which was established in 1983 adds to their anger because they are not able to accept Turkish Cypriots as a people who have, like every other, the right to live and to determine their own future. For their information, this is called "the right of self-determination". But then, of course, it is useless to tell this to a group of people who do not even believe that Turkish Cypriots have basic human rights; This is the reason behind the failure of negotiations on the future of Cyprus. And this is why I think Turks see it useless to debate with them at the UGM.
They believe that "There is no Turkish Cyprus" and they actually mean that 'There should be no Turks in Cyprus". Well, the truth is there are Turks and the TRNC will continue to exist no matter how sad or angry Greek nationalists get. TRNC will exist until the two parties reach an agreement on a different form of state structure - if they ever do. But before that, trust has to be built on both sides. I mean we will have either parties who recognise each other's right to exist and negotiate to reach a solution, or we will have (the traditionally not so intelligent) nationalists on each side shouting at each other. I think the latter course of action has proved to be harmful so far. Therefore, it's time to stop nationalist bigotry and talk about mutually acceptable solutions that will improve the situation in the island.
Yours
Pinar Tetik
Harry: racist accusations
Dear Beaver,
What a load of racist, ignorant bullshit Houghton Street Harry spouted in the November 21 issue.
Slagging off Hizb-Ut-Tahrir is one thing but equating them with 'Samosas' is such a stupid ignorant thing to say. Clearly he has no understanding or respect for other cultures and it's crystal clear why he hides behind the HSH pseudonym. Such blatantly offensive shite clearly can only be enjoyed by White Brits in particular who share his sense of humour. Personally I hope he fucks off with his lone brain cell and dies under a rock somewhere, I will dance on his grave with a samosa in my hand!
Shaista 'Pissed off with the xenophobic shite that The Beaver gets away with' Ahmed
Big breakfast Rosehery row
Dear Beaver,
As a group of very disgruntled Rosebery residents, we would like to know just what exactly Hall Bursar Mary Zanfal is playing at? At the Hall Society meeting it was agreed that Rosebery Hall residents were in favour of bringing back breakfasts, and that something would be done at the next Inter-Hall meeting to try and bring it back. So imagine our surprise when Herr Zanfal, who is not the President or the warden (despite what she might think), vehemently opposes it, and it ultimately falls. It would be interesting to know what she thinks her role as Bursar and Queen of all Islington actually means. We believe that she is there to act in
the best interest of students, as it is they who pay her wages and food bill, and not do everything in her almighty power to go against them. Incidentally, we would be interested to hear her reasoning about how LSE students are unable to handle a reception computer system, while temps from Alfred Marks are?
Yours hungrily
All of Rosebery Hall
PS Amal Sanderame - fighting for breakfast means actually doing something, not just trying to get elected on the strength of it, you opportunistic little shit.
¦7"


Letters deadlii^e Tmir^day ipain
The Editor reserves the right to edit all letters submitted and all letters are the opinions of the writers
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12 Politics
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Islam - the ahemative
An analysis of the historical tradition and contemporary relevance of the Muslim faith
Atif Imtiaz
Ernest Gellner in a speech in 1993 stated that the twentieth century had witnessed two major changes: the collapse of Communism and the rise of Islam. The rise of secularism and increasing technological advancement was meant to have led to the concomitant demise in religion, and this scenario has been experienced here in Britain, but the world simultaneously has witnessed the rise of religion. Admittedly, in certain quarters this rise has been manifested in the form of 'extremism', whether this be Christian, Jewish, Hindu or Muslim. But the rise of Islam cannot be attributed simply to the resurgence of extremism, rather the Muslim world is experiencing a revival of its consciousness in many of its quarters ranging from Palestine to the Philippines. The people themselves are asking for the return of the Islamic way of life. Interestingly enough, there is a growing convert community here in the West numbering in the thousands. This rise is sometimes attributed to various sociological factors (lack of food, rise in crime) but such an analysis merely reminds us of the superiority complex that belongs to the colonialist: "We are intelligent and enlightened, therefore our choice of liberal individualism is as a result of reason and wisdom; however, they are unable to think and choose clearly because they can only think through their stomachs, so we need to and should choose for them; eventually they will thank us for this". It is this type of explanation which Edward Said has continuously and vigorously dismantled, and this explanation naked is nothing but a rationalised repeat of yesterday's imperialism.
What is required is a genuine attempt to understand Islam as an alternative: why is it that the Muslim masses as well as academics and leading thinkers are asking for the return of Islam as a complete way of life? Why are people converting to Islam? It is obvious that this phenomena is not going to disappear, so why remain ignorant especially when ignorance can quite easily lead to prejudice. The Islam Awareness Week just gone intended to deal with this ignorance and the prejudice.
The first step is to disassociate the history of the relationship between the West and religion, and Islam in particular. But why? Surely we can learn from our experiences? Unfortunately, the West's experience with religion is riddled with problems (especially in the relationship between religion and philosophy, science and politics) and it is incorrect to presume that the revival of Islam as a religion will lead to the same problems for the Muslim world in particular or for the world as a whole. In fact the history of Islam is an argument against this. Also, our accounts of historical experiences are not as objective as we would like them to be. For example, the Saracen is depicted
as a barbaric, bloodthirsty nomad yet the Christian crusaders massacred prisoners of war and burned hundreds of Jews on the capture of Jerusalem. So, history as it is taught today, embarrassingly reveals the depth of prejudice. The great Spanish Islamic civilisation which left the world the Alhambra amongst other monumental achievements, and yet which was cruelly and hideously annihilated, is unknown. No doubt the Islamic history has its moments which we would prefer to forget, but it also has its moments of glory, so why this selective rendition of history? The involvement of history within the argument should only be used if one knows the subject, but most today are passive to the information (prejudice) that they may have acquired through their learning experiences. So can Islam be an alternative?
The first distinction to be made is that the great minds of Islam spent most of
Rached al-Ghannoushi). The greatest minds in Islam were not involved in setting up alternatives to Islam but rather they were interested in developing the basic structure of Islam so that they could apply it within their lives.
The second distinction is that science did not offer a threat to the Muslim world, because the search for knowledge was, and is very highly respected and encouraged. For example, the Qur'an says: "In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day are signs for men of understanding". This quote and other similar quotes in the Qur'an encouraged Muslims to study nature in order to discover "the causes of things", so that they understand the wonder of nature and the beauty of design. The achievements of the Muslim scientists were towards this end and it is of no coincidence that these same scientists were pious scholars. In Islam, there

their energies on the application of Islam and not on theological matters. For example, the great debates within the mediaeval West (such as the existence of God) are not part of the Islamic experience, because the difficulties were not in the interpretation of basic matters of creed but rather in the application of law. Much of Islamic scholarly history has been devoted to the development of a sound legal system based upon the revealed sources. Though Islam was sent as a complete way of life it did not detail law for every single action as part of revelation - this was left to the scholars. Any problems that did occur in philosophy were mainly due to external influences (eg the influence of Aristotle on Ibn Rushd), and these were dealt with by Islamic scholars (eg al-Ghazzali). In fact, a-Ghazzali stands as an excellent example of a scholar who was an expert in philosophy. Even up to today, many prominent minds within the Muslim world have expressed their thoughts through the Islamic paradigm (eg Malek Bennabi,
is no contradiction between one who studies nature and one who worships the One who created this nature. Furthermore, a book has recently been written by a French scholar Dr Maurice Bucaille who examined the teachings of the Qur'an from a scientific perspective and found that there were no direct contradictions between the Qur'an and the findings of modem science, whether this be in the field of astronomy or embryology. He became a Muslim as have other scientists who have investigated this relationship. . The book is very detailed and it would be unfair to quote one small section. The book can be obtained from the Islamic society.
The third distinction is that Islam does not separate religion and politics. One here again has to divorce the history of Western experience on this topic from the present discussion. Islam has never divided the matters of the state from the matters of God. It is true that in Muslim history the religious leaders were used to approve the actions of the political
leaders but such example are very far from what'is being constructed today. Instead, the models that are being discussed today are not following the "opium of the masses" model but instead are following models based upon the . Islamic principles of justice, freedom, equity, consultation and accountability. Islam does not distinguish between religion and politics. The argument is, how is it possible that the law can change form, day to day, on issues which are of a moral nature? How is it possible that what was illegal in the 1960s is legal today? The liberal advancement of society is offered as an answer but what prevents today's horror from becoming tomorrow's norm? Nothing, except a majority within the House of Commons (and let's face it, they aren't exactly the best people on this planet - sleaze, bribery, backhanders etc.). If morality is relative then there is no morality, there is no right and wrong, only numbers. Instead, an absolute morality is required, one which is unchanging. This can not be from ourselves, it can only be from the One who knows ourselves best, God - Allah. Furthermore, power without morality is merely a toy in the hands of the powerful. This century has been a testimony to the acts of those who acted without any moral recourse. The Nolan Committee and the Scott findings are evidence of what happens when power is divorced from morality.
Power in Islam is a source of responsibility and grief (not a cause for celebration) which one has to answer for on the day of Judgement whereas if one feels that one does not have to face His Lord then he will act accordingly. Why should I agree if I don't believe in God? Disbelief in God is not common at all in the Muslim world, and here it may be more true to say that there are more agnostics than atheists. Whether agnostic means "don't know" or "don't care" is a separate issue: strangely enough many people today are willing to discuss everything except where they are going. An analogy would be the man who gets onto a train and doesn't know where he is going though it has left the station and soon enough, it will reach the destination. He just wants to enjoy the ride. Nevertheless, disbelieving in God is usually though not always to do with the notion of suffering. How is it that God allows so much suffering in the world? Well, the question needs to be rephrased: how is it that you allow so much suffering in the world? God has given us free-will. If God were to step in every time someone hurt someone else, then there would be no free-will. And, if we did not experience suffering then we would not experience happiness because we would not know the difference, like we would not know the difference between black and white if we could only see black. When we are happy, we forget God, when we suffer or we see suffering then we blame God. Rather, God gives us our minds and says you choose. If you want to change the suffering then do something and don't be passive. So we need to choose, and the first step is to educate ourselves.
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Music 13
Morrissey maligned, Bowie booed
Alan Mustafa reviews their much awaited concert and laments the fall of two greats
MORRISEY AND DAVID BOWIE; WEMBLEY ARENA, 15/11/95 The idea of these two together at first seems strange but it actually makes sense. Both are unique singers, influential, controversial and neither are trading in on past glories. They are both stars! Of course I don't actually like Morrisey but wanted to see him anyway. However, delayed trains, faulty memory, crap signposts and a stupid early start meant I missed half of Moz's set. The stage backdrop of a young crop-haired 'lad' reminded me of some blokes on the train to the gig. They were beered up and singing loud nationalist songs. Surely on their way to see Moz! No, actually they were off to see the 'footy' at the stadium. It's the quiet, cowering and studenty types going to see Moz.
Anyway, Moz is actually looking good. Black jacket and trousers, red shirt, shiny shoes and that ace quiff. He says little, a blessing perhaps, but his voice was good. The music was brilliant at times, especially the guitar. Unfortunately, to my untrained ears the songs seemed samey and there was little variety. It occurred to me that this is the real essence of britpop; grimy songs, dubi-
ous characters, confused nationalism, latent violence, tradition, loyalty and romance. This is why Moz will never reach the peaks that Blur, Pulp etc have. His music is too close to home; devoid of any quaint image, irony, glam or jollity.
Of course there was a tiny band of hardcore fans dwarfed at the front of the stage. Finally, a red mohicaned punk got onto the stage. For the next few songs Moz showed a talent for singing while helping adoring fans on stage. It was all very sweet but Moz seemed almost disinterested and people were whisked off quickly as if they constituted a threat. Moz and his fans seemed very small. His sweaty shirt was thrown to the crowd but only a few hands grappled for it. Moz is clearly in decline, partly due to musical trends and partly as a result of his own dodgy actions. He seems trapped in a ghetto of adoration. During a guitar solo he lay among the scattered flowers. It's very fitting. I came to bury Moz but I don't need to. He's dug his own grave and it's only a matter of time before he lies in it.
I was really looking forward to seeing Bowie and I have much respect for this living legend. His new stuff is actually good too! It starts well with Bowie slowly emerg-
ing from the white clothed stage set. As his voice, the music and lights all kicked in on the first song it was breathtaking . His vocals are brilliant; deep, echoing and grand.
The next two songs including the last single were more industrial in style (Nine Inch Nails remixed the single!). The deep red lights and harsh music evoked a sense of menace and violence that seemed lost on the mainly middle aged crowd. It was clear that Bowie has decided to do what he likes and the reinvention makes him not seem redundant. There was little nostalgia and credit is due for this. Mind you I really wanted to hear the classics but only recognised a tense and thrilling 'The Man Who Sold The World' and a crowd-pleasing 'Under Pressure'.
Bowie looked amazingly young but still dances like your Dad. He's very nice, sincere and modest. He was a true professional and it was a stylish and classy affair. One song begins with a weird monologue and ends with Bowie singing from a table and chair. For another, whenever he pointed at the ceiling strips of cloth unravelled. Pointless but effective.
Thankfully throughout there was little attempt to patronise or involve the crowd . The songs were the centre of attention and
the best were where Bowie's voice was most upfront. The songs varied from pop to ballad to more noise orientated. A good mixture. Of course it wasn't all perfect. Being an arena show certain appalling things happened: overlong guitar solos, clap along songs, lighters held aloft, band introductions, security guards forcing people back to their seats and expensive watery beer. There was often zero atmosphere and it was all very polite and not very rock and roll. My attention often wandered and my lack of familiarity with the songs along with the fact that it was nearly two hours long made it something of an ordeal. Mind you the quality of the sings and lights often dragged my interest back. The set ended with a grand ballad and Bowie on his knees. Despite everything 1 was sorry he was going off. There was no encore and a lot of booing followed the applause.
In all it was an interesting evening; enjoyable at times and boring at others. I should have been rooted throughout but things don't work like that. A sample in one song said "you shall respect even if you don't approve", and it seemed apt. I do respect but this is difficult to articulate in a vast freezing arena with hard plastic seats.
Melissa Etheiidge albvim: best
keep it a secret
Iain Haxton reviews the best thing since Tina Turner and Bon Jovi
In fact, you may as well stop reading now. Go on. Stop. Don't read any further. It'sforyourowngood. It's Melissa Etheridge's new album. I'm not wasting anyone's time here, OK. You're not going to buy this. At all. Because it's shite. Undeniably shite. It's as welcome as a bad dose of diarrhoea in the school classroom, infront of your mates, when you're wearing white trousers.
So no need to read any more of the review, yeah? Because that's it really. There's little more to say. So go and do something constructive with your time.
Unfortunately it is the reviewer's obligation, nay, duty, to write two hundred and fifty words about the bloody thing. When everyone has long ago stopped reading. Jesus Christ. Therefore at the risk of the reviewer's sentiments being somewhat ambiguous, each track shall only be spoken of in terms of how crap it
IS****
The first little "number" is called "Your little secret". It takes the very
worst elements of Tina Turner and Bon Jovi and fuses them together into one monstrous bag of arse. Truly I loathe and detest it with the very fibre of my being. ~
"Nowhere to go", the second track, is subtly different. It takes its major influence from Tina Turner and Bon Jovi. A "ballad", it too is unspeakably crap. And about as welcome as blood on the toilet paper.
The third song is called, "I really like you". The poetic title is equally matched by the neat evocative lyrics; "I really like you baby. I want to see you baby. I really like you baby. I want to be you baby". I honestly did not make that up. Enough said I think. Oh, and it sounds like Bon Jovi and Tina Turner as well. And it's crap.
The fourth song is very much the same. Only a bit worse. In fact, it's probably the most awful song I've ever heard. Ever.
The fifth song is called "I want to come over" and sounds like Tina Turner and Bon Jovi. And Tina Turner. With maybe a hint of Bon Jovi thrown in as well.
So does the sixth.
OK. Right. I've had enough. Album going into the bin right now. God-damn piece of shit No. I'll bum it instead. And then piss on the ashes.
All in all, objective journalism at its best then. Constructive criticism. I love it I do.
Buy it today.
Melissa hanging on for dear life
Photo: RMP
14 Campus
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Mobile mad morons make me mighty moody
David Whippe laments the scourge of the twentieth century




When you consider icons of the modem age, there are certain items that would be common to the lists of all concerned. The car is a good example, embodying our desire for freedom away from the crush of the masses. The Personal Computer is another, epitomising the miniaturisation of the world where all the information you could ever possibly need is accessible through a terminal connected to the global network. However, if you asked for my list, the above, and all life easing inventions of a greater or lesser importance would take a back-seat at the merest mention of the mobile phone. Of all the objects designed to help the human race, none is more universally derided than the above, it has become a bane, a blot on modernity and the creative process.
It's not hard to imagine the designer of the mobile phone as an empty shell of a man, fraught with the knowledge that his Utopian dream of a society where everyone would be instantly accessible had gone so entirely wrong. Apportioning blame to him, though, would be wrong, as he was just doing his job. No, the real villains here are the ingrates it was designed to benefit: the users. The image of the mobile was doomed from the outset, a miracle of miniaturisation gone wrong the second some pin-stripe suited turd walked into a City bar, slapped down the keys of the BMW, and barked into the Motorola "Be home late tonight darling, tied down at the office." (By his secretary, I might add). However, my problem with the mobile is not concerned with image, it goes further than that to a question of need.
My level of tolerance could cope with brokers and drug dealers shouting into the cellular in overloud voices as they need to be in contact with their clients at all times. The
entire essence of the mobile originally was that you needed to be in some way important to have one. The only problem is that this perception still lingers, whilst the price of the hardware and line rental has become pitifully low. As a matter of fact, so low that students can now afford them, the result being that any scruffy little twat can now stand around on campus whining into his mobile, wallowing in an aura of self importance, the machinations of their minds working overtime imagining their future as a big player on the markets.
When questioned about why they need these phonesd though, there are very few who can stand up under the pressure without wilting self consciously. Does the excuse "I need it because I'm in halls and no-one can contact me", ring any bells? I'm sure it does to some of you out there. The truth is that no student out there will ever need a mobile. Primarily, no one will want to contact you in the first place as you either live with your mates, or see them every day at college, or nobody likes you. Secondly, if someone does miss you then they can leave a message.
The only possible exceptions to the rule are those such as Sabbatical Officers, who could take it in turns to ring Kate Hampton every morning and make sure she turns up to work on time. No, students who use mobiles invariably fall into two categories. There are those who have rich daddies and cover them in Chanel leather cases at £ 150 a throw, and those who buy them to impress their mates. Now, I know only one person who owns a mobile, and I would certainly be a little more impressed if the selfish little bugger let me borrow it once in a while. Then again, no-one wants to speak to me anyway, perhaps I should buy one too.
Mobile moron or funky hipster?
Photo:Anastasia Shorter
The secret diary of a Communications Officer aged
twenty and five-eighths
Monday 7am
Awoke early this morning and set out my goals for the week: a) to communicate with 5,000 LSE students; b) to tell Katrin Benhold how I feel (over a dance perhaps?); c) to be recognised by the LSE students for the work I put in to my,sorry, this union; d) to become more of a statesman; e) to learn to dance in a modem style; f) to leam 50 new words; g)to kiss 500 babies.
8pm
Diary - let me tell you, things are, at last, falling into place; the Constitutional & Steering Committee gleefully accepted a motion resolving.'., wait for it "that Baljit Mahal should be General Secretary" -1 shall let you know oh Thursday how things go.
Communicated with 100 people. New word for the day - Verbose
Tuesday 9pm
Today I saw her... her father must have been a thief because he stole the stars and put them in her eyes. She is everything a woman should be. Thursday could be a great day.. .recognised by students and some modem love in the gym with Katrin.
'Katrin with your eyes so green
the most beautiful sight I have ever seen that black lycra on a thursday night I'd steal a kiss with you in the moon light' I'm going to ask her out on Thursday... to the C & S committee
Communicated with 230 people. Word for the day - Statesmanlike
Wednesday
The shadow sabbatical cabinet rhet today, at last it seems that Theresa Delaney is leaving me alone, she must have heard that I fancied someone on the exec... not her, although I would give her dress sense lessons. This week the passion flowed between Katrin and I, it was like we were the only people in the room, obviously she is too scared to approach so she attempts (as does everybody) to impress me in this room once a week.
I've convinced them all about the banner, when it appears with the words 'OLIVE BRANCH SAY VOTE FOR BULLSHIT' they will never notice.
10.17pm
I must get some sleep now - I'm exhausted after consulting the executive portrait in last week's Beaver, I wish I could hold the thing still while I concentrate on it - I've wasted seven copies already. Tomorrow is a big day and so I put in my hair splint at 8pm
Word for the day - Kleenex or Hairspray Thursday
Hair splinted, cufflinks gleaming, the wind whistling through the olive branches -everything is perfect.
10.15pm
What a day... The UGM has finally recognised my talents. Tom Smith has finally realised that the Union is diseased and I AM the cure, "There is no doubt that Baljit would make a better Gen Sec than Kate"... "We have a lot to leam firom you Baljit. .come and teach us". Only that Bastard Yuan Potts dissented from the swell of opinion. The crowd stood one by one as I made my way to the stage, "BAUIT", "BALJIT". I have been mandated to produce my own newspaper and to deliver the speech of my life at the next UGM.
I handled it brilliantly acknowledging the help of other lesser union workers while taking the credit as the UGM's anointed one.
I convened a meeting of the Machiavellian dream ticket - Ola, Ali Iman and myself, they should both get elected on the wave of my popular support.
Feeling good and looking great I waited in the corridor of the Old Building basement, watching Katrin lead hermodem dance class, I watched with wonder as she dropped
to the floor, and wiggled her tight black lycra clad arse for my benefit (she must have known that I was watching).
I walked away...saving her for later. After all one major conquest is enough for any young statesman in one day.
Word for the day - Irony.
She can run her hands over my election campaign any day	Photo: St^phane Sireau
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Sports 15
Rugby Seconds win ag^ui
Aghaizu fails to score, just like in life
Denis Aghaizu
Lady luck tried to prevent the warriors from climing to new heights as we looked forward to playing City & Guilds (and Imperial cabbages and the bloody Royal School of minor sheep shaggers all combined). The day got off to a bad start due to the usual Wednesday fuck-up caused by Femi 'Captain c!!t' Adewale with his skewed sense of organisation attempting to take us somewhere in the Yorkshire dales (which would have suited Tom Twat with his appetite for young tender lamb of the living variety).Worse was to come as we neared our final destination with the realisation that 'Ego 1' Malloy was not amongst us. The idiot, deciding he needed some extra training in order to work out how to play rugby, took it upon himself to go to Berrylands even though it was an away match. Fines were definetely in order, however, he left us all asleep with his 'Down a pint in a week antics'.
We arrived at the cabbages ground, remembering the momentous battering which we had given them two weks ago. The team was slightly different however with 'Ego 2" Stuart replacing his mentor 'Ego 1' Malloy at number 10. The long awaited return of the 'Ginger Man' was also anticipated (having finally decided not to cut his toenails). We waited with baited breath to see whether James 'Ginger Man' Rougier could muster up enough momentum to break the 2mph barrier (we were however advised not to hold our breath as it would be a serious
danger to our health).
The game got off to a late start, as usual, as we waited to be rescued from the quagmire of shite that Tom Twat again decided to spout. Having absorbed his well delivered speech consisting of, "The oppositon are fucking c!!ts, the referee is a fucking c!!t, we're not fucking c!!ts (except for Femi and 'Ego'
Malloy for not turning up) and therefore we should fucking win, we took up our positions like gladiators to face the peasants (cabbages and all).
The whistle blew, and the first 10 minutes consisted of conservative play on our part, as we waited to see what the 'cabbage patch kids'
had to offer. Having decided that we were far superior, Denis 'Quicksilver'
Aghaizu decided to test the mettle of the opposition. Receiving the ball on his own 22, a mazy burst brought him to within 10 yards of their tryline. Being the gentleman that he is, he decided to give the 'Ginger Man' a taste of
%
glory. The 'Ginger Man', overwhelmed at such generosity, nearly broke that elusive 2mph barrier to score. With 'Ego' Malloy unavailable for the kick, it was left to the great man himself to step forward. However, as history will explain in years to come, a rare occurance saw 'Quicksilver' miss a piss easy conversion. At5-0 more work was required, Tom Twat encouraged the boys to press further into enemy territory (as our own half was covered in verbal shit and numerous sheep). With mounting pressure it was left to 'Half-Pint' Jezza to score under the posts after yet another storming run (must be an England U12 candidate). 'Quicksilver', with reputation dented, made sure of the kick to make it 12-0. More pressure did not produce any more points in the half however.
The second half saw the introduction of 'Shit-Frog-Shirt' Bruno to create the 'French Connection' with 'Shit-Frog-Hair' Alexis. Within minutes of gracing the field, the
I can't do it whilst Hindle's watching" Photo: Library
flying Frenchman burst down the flank to score. Within two minutes he ran in another, incredible. "Who is that man? Where did he come from? Where the fuck did he get that shirt?", the crowd was heard chanting. At 22-0 victory was all but accomplished, but continuous pressure saw the veggies wilt visibly. Further tries from' I'm from Yorkshire too and like sheep' Andrew, a momentous hat trick third from the French star himself, a cheeky second from the 'Ginger Man' (possibly due to his opp'osite cabbage mistaking him for a carrot and so would naturally avoid tackling a fellow vegetable) with the final nail in the coffin coming from 'Tank-Man' Hedgehog Hussey to round off the rout. Exellent toe-punt kicking from 'Ego 2' Stuart took the final score to an amazing half-century. Having scored 50 it was only fair to allow the opposition a consolation try to make the final scoreline an incrdible 50-5. COMPLETE AND UTTER DESTRUCTION.
COMMENDATION:
Everyone with the exception of 'Ego 1' Malloy. Hard work from noble warriors such as James 'Rasta', 'Mine's a shandy' Zar.'Honking Fat' Martin and Pete 'Mine's a lemonade' led to the great day. And not forgetting Eye-Shadow man, who still insists on make-up rather than beer.
Recommendation:
1	- Please, please gain some speed, direct message to 'Slimfast' Hindle, who apparently gets his kicks out of watching Chris Cooper having sex
2	- Toby, less hair = greater streamline effect.
Hockey girls enjoy their first time
They defeat QMW's sloppy seconds
Carrie Breclit
Picture the scene, the whistle blows, the ball is passed neatly back to Joy. She niftily glides up the pitch, dodging every fool that tries to get in her way, and slots the ball gracefully into the back of the goal, all within the first minute. The exclamations of joy (pardon the pun) reverberated around the stadium, the crowd were on their feet - but wait, the referee is signalling no goal. Why? Because ten seconds earlier dick of the day (Sheba) had popped up in an offside position. This stupidity was not to put us down. No, in true LSE style we kept fighting, we kept attacking, we kept using every little trick in the book (all two of them), and, yes, for the first time this season, WE WON. How, I hear you ask? Well we don't have a bloody clue, so if you have any top tips please pass them onto Chloe (that's top tips not top tits).
Anyway, back to the point, our superb kicking backs, Karen and Liz, averted numerous vital, nail-biting moments in defence. Evi's amazing talent shined through and Joy, simply being everywhere at once, allowed the opposition no way through to
our unguarded goal. The midfield, who were visualising the ball as a particular enemy's head, found this tactic very beneficial if their improved stick work was anything to go by. Joy, having banished Sheba to the other end of the pitch, proceeded to run the length, only to be thwarted by Chloe's offside attempts. Spurred on by anger our star player eventually got there and scored just the once, contrary to previous reports.
It is at this point whei! we ask for a motion to be put to the UGM - a ban to be placed on Chloe's leggings (the rugby team should note that they probably shouldn't take matters into their own hands again).
All credit to the leggings however, because they did put off the opposition long enough to let her score a goal. The rest of the forward line, in the form of Anna, Liz and Karen, were, like the rest of us, absolutely blinding. In all seriousness, we have improved dramatically as a team and are well on the fast track to major successes -on and off the pitch.
Just as a postscript, last week's rugby article did not go unnoticed, but a little point needs clarifying; was the picture of elephants meant to be likened to the size of their brains or the perceived size of their miniscule manhoods.
Mia's Maidens make Medics madly miserable
Francisca Malaree
The LSE Women's football team was knocked out of the BUSA cup last week but despite this setback turned out at the hallowed turf that is Berrylands to play Royal Free Medics in the league last Wednesday. Reports of our non-existence, as seen in London Student, are greatly exaggerated.
The pressure was on the LSE girls, who have not lost a game in the league, as they started out with only ten players. Royal Free were the first to score, the LSE defence caught out on the break, but a superb run down the wing by Lucinda led her to a great goal and LSE's spirits rose.
The Free's coach did his best to demoralise us after that but failed, despite questioning the refs decision every time it went our way. In the second half Royal Free scored once again, but things were quickly evened out by Connor and Mia. Depression set in amongst the medics as they resorted to dirty tricks as they tried to push ahead, but the stunning coinbination of our midfield dynamo, Julia, and Lotta, Tracy and Pri in defence kept them at bay and led to good
service up to Anna who scored two goals to win the day for the purple and black stripes with a bit of gold in between.
A sad postscript to the day's 4-2 victory was Lucinda's injury, hopefully not serious.
The LSE women next meet more Medical students on Sunday and can look forward to thrashing them as well, and coming top of the league.
Martial Arts
Do you want to be rock?
Anyone interested in joining one of LSE's numerous martial arts or self defence classes see Liz Petyt in Room E78 ext. 7161
Come and have a go if you thinl< you're hard enough

16 Sports
THE BEAVER
NOVEMBER 28,1995
Curds cheer carries Cup closer
Steve Curtis
Saturday, November 18, and the ULU giants of Heythrop were busy preparing to stare back into the eyes of defeat at the hands of a make-shift LSE First XI. The team faced a major shake up, reflecting the kind of inconsistency which has plagued the side both on the pitch and in The Tuns on a Friday night.
Svein Mikklesen was still out because his toe still hurts, while defensive hardman, 'ooh aah' Matt Miller, was still recuperating from his previous night's exploits at Kings with Tuns beauty Clare Wilson. Kinnear was unavailable too. Having found his true station selling post-it notes on the comer of Tottenham Court Road, he consequently got a nose bleed at the prospect of The St^e Curtis earning himself an honest wage, be it only £1.40 an hour plus all the fax rolls he can fit into his pockets. Ludford had a better excuse, his recent form allowing him a short spell in Newcastle as the all-singing, all- dancing number nine in Kevin Keegan's squad. The pre-match rendition of "his name was Ginola, he was a showgirl..." went down a treat with the Toon Army faithful. Good work, fellah, but it won't last when the weather turns and he resumes his glaring misses resplendent in gloves, tights and balaclava.
As we gathered at Wimbledon Park the question was not "how" but "how many" as we each drooled at the prospect of bagging a memorable hat-trick. However, as kick-off time came and went, complacency was replaced with anxiety when the Saunders showboat of Jones Cherry and Chang failed to materialise. However, they turned up eventually, along with our ever-increasing "barmy army" in the beautiful, ravishing shape of Catherine Lloyd, and ex-stunna Summerfield. Nick 'Sliver' Hindle was not in attendance, although apparently he usually likes to watch Cooper in action.
The game started and one-way traffic piled down on Heythrop'sf defence, whose exciting Norwegian style kept eleven players behind the ball at all times. After ten minute we'd already crafted three good chances as the Post-Grad Bible Study College failed to come to terms with lethal crosses from the deadly left boot of Goals Cooper, still going strong despite his record-
Fan Club cheer on their hero
breaking feat of sexual performance from the night before. Their keeper made good saves from Chang and Marcus Kern while a viciously dipping left foot volley from baldy Curtis nearly broke the deadlock.
On the half-hour Heythrop produced a soft goal against the run of play, as their four-foot-six 'giant' centre-forward whipped in a dangerous cross which hit their donkey centre mid-fielder on the back of his head and looped past our hapless/hopeless new keeper, Dave "from the Tuns" Egerton, despite his astute purchase of some Reusch "Teflon wank-hands 2000" gloves. Don't call us.
LSE were aroused from their slumber and set about dismantling Heythrop for the next 15 minutes. . Fielding and Tattersall were so tight at the back they squeaked, releasing Cooper and Curtis to support our rampant Brazilian-esque mid-fielder. On the stroke of half-time an audacious back-heel from Jones was thundered home by Curtis. This little guy with a big heart has had great difficulty scoring over the past year, both on and off the pitch, so this early Christmas present from the Heythrop keeper
was warmly received.
Level at half-time and LSE hard man Chairman Mao Rikos gave the lads a verbal roasting which spumed us on to better things in the second half. The mid-field regained their shape and Cherry, Fillipe, Rikos and Jonesy began to take control. Passes began to flow and. it was only a matter of time before Rikos accepted another gift from Dave Beasant in the Heythrop net. The words "stud" and "score" regularly appear in the same sentence as "Leong-Son" and this was no exception as the captain claimed the second goal this season from the sole of his 'cultured' right boot - that's five goals for the big man so far.
With half-an-hour to go Fillipe's Spanish flair and feigning of injury won us a penalty as pressure on Heythrop's defence began to tell. Steve Curtis held himself together to thump the ball home from the spot with his distinctive Guiseppe Signori technique, while the rest of the team muttered "it's going over" and "he's gonna miss it" under their breath. Team spirit? Schmeam schmirit, more like.
3-1 and progression seemed secure. Heythrop had other ideas and rallied well towards the end. With twenty minutes to go they were rewarded with a penalty after t' Tattersall decided to kick their centre-for-ward all the way to t' Bumley. The penalty was tucked away and at 3-2 a classic cup contest ensued.
Goal line clearances from Jones and Fielding were the order of the day while at the other end a typically generous Fillipe contrived to smash the ball twice into the side netting instead passing to Curtis, Fielding, Tattersall, Cooper, Jones, Rikos, Cherry or Chang - all of whom were free and unmarked on the back post.
. As the final whistle blew LSE were through to the next round of the ULU Cup, although Heythrop had more reason to be proud of the day's performance. But on the other hand, we're through to the quarterfinals, while their season is over and they must return to studying the Bible.
Photo: Library
"Femi, Femi he is the greatest" - Femi
One thing I cannot help but no tice as I look around this place are the glum, depressed faces in The Tuns and in the library. Lost souls, looking for something to make their life complete, to be at one with the world, or failing that just a blow-job, That's right, readers, it's time for Harry, the Barry White of the LSE, to give some words of advice on the noble art of pulling.
I don't particularly want to give away the tricks of the trade that have made me into a legendary machine, but I'm getting sick and tired of having to queue up for the toilet, waiting for some unfortunate soul to bat himself into a trembling, shortsighted wreck, or constantly treading in the disease-ridden skank of many a frustrated student.
One of the golden rales of pulling at the LSE is that everyone is politically correct, and this includes ourfemale equals (aka "birds"). Therefore those never fail lines from the dodgy clubs back home, where oral sex is included in the entrance ifee, are unlikely to succeed here. "Your tits are lovely" is about as unlikely to work as it is to be true, so why not try a variation such as "Your mammary organs are quite magnificent, both in terms of their pert-ness and their denial of gravity". It never fails, trust me.
Another important thing is to find a lady with at least some degree of class. Women think, as students of the LSE, and in the top echelon of intelligence and up-^ bringing, that they are classy. Unfortunately they are not. Washing down a Peters Chicken and Mushroom with a pint of Theakstons is hardly Mills and Boon material, and there is nothing particularly classy about falling off chairs, wearing bin-liners, Adidas catsuits and shin pads or getting your hair cut in the Quad.
Quite simply, do not pull any girl who is mad, vegetarian, Welsh, shorter than five foot, taller than six foot, wider than four foot, unable to take a foot, a fan of Brad Pitt, a fan of Brad "Cocksucker" Fetzer, a Michelle Fowler look-a-like^ a Robbie Fowler look-a-like, American (North, not South), English (North, not South) or anyone with an echo.
Admittedly, this does not leave very much to choose from amongst the rank and file of LSE (rank being the operative word). This means one of two things. Firstly go somewhere else, such as Kings, where even those who have lost it can still pull, or secondly just throw standards out of the window and go with anything, regardless of mass, facial hair, stability or lack of sexual variation. Having said that, there are some fine felines around still, and I wish to dedicate a little poem to one of them. It is entitled "Ode to my darling barmaid":
Esther, Esther you are the bester,
I would not become a Fred Wester, I'd love to take your perfect Chester, And smear it with melted Red Leicester, And lick it off.
She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be ; mine. It is our destiny.
Femi Adewale
With two victories under our belts (as well as massive cocks) we faced City and Guilds; general BJ, with typical alacrity and determination demanded a forceful display from his troops. A ridiculously long journey to Hatton Cross saw us arrive with 3 minutes to kick-off; allowing enough time, for Christophe Cantona to utter his Gallic exhortations.
Bruce Willis, managing to organise a creche for his children, took us into an early 3-0 lead. Surging forward play, admirably by Rick "I don't have a good word to say about anyone or anything" and Neal Vest gradually began to grind down the bedraggled opposition. Good tries firom BJ, the embryo from hell, and Neal Vest widened
the gap to 13-0.
It was all very well and good for the forwards; they decided that the one-dimen-sional play of^ast England sides was the way forward and they eschewed the beautiful passing, running game. A subtle form of persuasion ("pass the fucking ball, BJ, you c***") eventually lit the touch paper and set alight our sparkling back division (a very corny analogy, but I think it works).
We were not to have things all our own way, as City came back strongly; but mighty defence and hard tackling kept them out (the rugby equivalent of coitus interruptus).
For one lucky individual Christmas came early; not only did Greedius Maximus score a gloriously opportunistic try but I can finally announce that he has been cured of the non-passing disease that has afflicted him all season. The sight of Greedius Maximus passing must surely be the 8 th wonder of the
world. Brilliant counter attacking play saw us sprint upfield for Angus McHaggis to touchdown (Brian Femi gave* the decisive pass to our corny Caledonian) to seal it 27-nil.
As a celebratory measure the LSE heroes were moved to produce a Chippendale-esque display in The Tuns. Rippling muscles, hard, oiled, bodies and sexy backsides-just some of the things not seen in The Tuns later (except for Brian-Femi, the perfect specimen of man, regarded by his comerades as having the biggest penis in the Northern Hemisphere).
Instead, a great display of beer guts and lardy bodies offended all who were unfortunate enough to bear witness. Chloe was still turned on though and we left The Tuns to a standing ovation from the hockey team. Tickets are on sale outside The Tuns for next Wednesday's performance (should you wish to protest at the grim sight).