THE BEAVER cAlmont - Barf, centre pages News Team Tlie final separation of the Student's Union from ULU moved a step closer this week as the UGM voted in favour of holding a referendum on the issue of the LSE's continued membership of the organisation. All four Sabbaticals, despite some private doubts, are throwing their weight behind the 'Yes' campaign. Narius Aga told the assembled students at Thursday's UGM that the time had finally come for the LSE to move on - in a fiery debate Aga asked that students "trust us on this issue." Despite the large majority in favour of holding the referendum, there were some misgivings amongst speakers. Dan Wilson, opposing the motion, decried the proposed wording of the referendum as "wishy-washy," and demanded more time for the whole issue to be properly thought through. The LSE is currently contracted to remain as part of ULU until the year 2001, as a result of a contract signed three years ago by the then SU Treasurer. Aga this week explained to The Beaver the problems with this situation - the length of the agreement meant changes in student demographics could not be taken into account, and the political nature of the LSE meant handing over political representation to ULU for five years was a mistaken step. ULU's limited effectiveness as a London-wide body also came under fire this week. Matt Hyde's attempts to turn the UGM debate into an attack on LSESU tactics fell on deaf ears, suggesting that any defence of the status quo may well be an uphill task. The Malet Street organisation only represents 100,000 of the 500,000 students living in London. Ents. Sabbatical Jasper Ward commented "the unity of the student movement is heavily undermined by having a highbrow minority isolated from almost half a million other students in the capital." Advocates of pulling out stress that withdrawal would have numerous Monday, October 26th 1998 Issue 487 First Published May 5,1949 The Newspaper of the LSESU Executive Editor: Matthew Brough E-Mail: Beaver@lse.ac.uk Aga set to give ULU Hyde-ing 'POSTER; ' A^TfWmA CJUfO U ttf ULU: Time to say goodbye? benefits: as the concentration of LSE students has shifted from Carr Saunders and Passfield to Bankside and High Holborn, with a resulting drop in the numbers that use ULU. Small wonder that many now see ULU as "UCL's private club." However, Jacob John raised concern that those students using Saunders and Passfield "the budget Halls," would suffer from a loss of ULU facilities, such as the swimming pool. Narius Aga responded by going on the offensive asserting "ULU is supposed to be a lobbying body, but it is impotent - the commercial services are fine, but they are charged at market rates, and £70,000 is a lot of money for what we get." SU Treasurer Yuan Potts added his support to this position stressing that "we don't get value for money from ULU." Fears surrounding the loss of facilities were partially allayed by promises of future deals with local leisure centres, based on successful schemes run at other London Colleges. Central to the plan to pull out is the proposed redistribution of the ULU subscription money. £70,000 currently finds its way up Kingsway from the LSE to ULU, with half the money coming from the School itself (HEFCE makes up the difference). Aga plans to allocate the £35,000 (which will rise to the full Photo: Beaver Library £70,000 in time due to funding changes) directly to the SU. Without doubt, the extra money will be welcome news to certain Sabs. - the Ents. budget is at present a meagre £2000 a year - although not all are convinced that giving more cash to Narius and co. is a good idea. "What exactly are they going to spend it on? More of the same?" asked one unimpressed student. Concerns were also raised at a poorly-attended open meeting on the issue last week. It was at this meeting that Aga unveiled his "three provisos" for the severing of links with ULU. These were the setting up of an alternative sporting league, securing the £35,000 for the SU, and, most controversially, "take steps towards" creating an alternative representing body for London students. It was on this final issue that Aga and his team were challenged most convincingly at the UGM, and it seems the wording of the referendum, based on the three provisos, could cause legal wrangling. At the moment there are no concrete plans for this new body, although the Sabbs seem to be in favour of a "London NUS," as exists in other parts of the UK. "Analogous to London getting a new parliament and a Mayor, we need a London-wide representative body addressing issues facing students," claimed Education and Welfare Sabbatical Maria Neophytou. However, no official overtures have been made to other institutions regarding the formation of a new body, and the vagueness of the proposals has led to concerns that the LSE would find itself isolated - out of ULU, but with an alternative still at the planning stage. Nevertheless, Potts claimed that there was a "ULU-sceptic feeling" amongst London colleges, and pointed to events at King's, where a pull-out from ULU appeared on the cards 12 months ago. It would appear that the LSE is to take the initiative in this respect, with the hope that a domino-effect will follow, leading to the eventual disintegration of ULU. One Sabbatical even suggested that this move would hasten the demise of the University of London itself as a federal organisation. Despite reservations at what appears to be a risky strategy - not least with the referendum only 10 days away - a majority of the UGM hacks, who may well hold the key to the vote, seemed in favour of change. A major concern raised by many, however, was the fate of future LSE spotting fixtures. Continued on Page 2 Column 1 Inside: NEWS 1-3 POLITICS 4 LETTERS 5 UNION 6-7 BEAVER ARTS 9-16 INTERNATIONAL 18 ECONOMICS 20 SPORT 23-24 news THE BEAVER Issue 487 - OCTOBER 26 News In Brief Nobel Prize for Ex-LSE Prof. Ex LSE Professor Amartya Sen has become the sixth Nobel Prize winner to have taught at LSE. Previous winners include Sir John Hicks, winner in 1972, Friedrich Hayek (1974), Jame5 Meade (1977), Sir Arthur Lewis (1979) and Ronald Coase (1991). Born in Bengal, Professor Sen received his doctorate from Cambridge University in 1959 and taught at the LSE as Professor of Economics from 1971 to 1977 and still remains a senior research associate at STICERD, a research centre founded in 1978 to look at areas related to welfare, social exclusion, industry and public policy economics. Anthony Giddens commented: "On behalf of LSE, let me say how delighted 1 am at the award of the Nobel Prize to Armartya Sen. No figure in economics today could be more deserving. Professor Sen's work has ranged well beyond economics and his study on welfare, rights and inequality have influenced social scientists in many disciplines." Professor Lord Desai of the Economics department said; "This prize recognises Amartya Sen's lifelong contribution to make economics serve the human purpose in a unique matter. His work has spanned social choice, economic development, famine and poverty. He has combined humane philosophy and rigorous economics with the aim of bettering the lot of people. It is a well deserved prize." Shalinl Ghelani Continued from Page One It would be possible for the LSE to join existing non-ULU leagues, although this was decried in some circles as a "second division." Narius Aga, however, rejected this claim, claiming that a change of league would lead to greater competition. The AU has yet to establish a position on the question of leaving ULU, in common with other LSE organisations - leaving the charge of a hurried referendum hanging over next week's vote. This sporting issue thus remains fraught with danger - moves towards disaffiliation last year were scuppered by the opposition of then Treasurer Imogen Bathurst to non-ULU sport. Tomorrow's open meeting may well be the only chance to voice concerns and to organise any 'No' campaign. The referendum seems set to be a hurried affair, and with the SU hierarchy backing the Yes campaign, it seems that the bandwagon is moving towards change. Funds and resources are available to run a 'NO' campaign, but will anyone take on the Sabbaticals? Beaver To Make Way For TV The Beaver - willing and ready to go? In his ever expanding quest to increase the profile of the LSE and make the presence of an LSE academic an essential prerequisite at any TV interview, Anthony Giddens and the School are looking at ambitious plans to build an on-site TV studio. This would allow our esteemed professors and lecturers to pop down and give their considered and highly respected opinions to any TV company without the inconvenience of leaving campus. The Student Union would like the opportunity to combine the TV studio with a radio studio as both media require similar facilities. In this way it is hoped that the school would be able to assist the radio club Jeannie Gu financially. A possible site for the new media centre is the current Beaver office and the surrounding rooms in the basement of Clare-Market Building. This would naturally require the Beaver office to be moved, possibly to a room in Columbia House. Narius Aga, the General Secretary of the Student Union, is on the wl^ole in favour of this scheme: "If its suitable and if the Beaver office agrees then in principle we are for it" So how does the Beaver feel about moving from, what is for many Beaver hacks literally, its home. The opinion generally seems to be in favour of the change. Whatever Photo: Beaver Library affection is felt for a room in which so much emotion, blood, sweat and tears have been spent, no one could actually be found to voice the opinion that C023 is a pleasant room. The prospect of a room with natural light and real windows - a long standing demand from emaciated hacks - have had some members of the Beaver staff salivating, although one declining former news editor raised vociferous objections at being moved so far from the Three Tuns. However, Matt Brough, the current editor, expressed the feeling of the majority, saying "1 hope that it works out. We've been promised a lot of things in the past, and they've never materialised." Gym Closed to Protect Stu(jents Rodrigo Jolivel In response to our enquiries about the Athletic Union's decision to close down the gym, the AU treasurer, Zarrine Ghiassi has informed us that "much of the equipment that comprised the gym was old and particularly unsafe." One of the main reasons for the closure of the gym was the AU's "reluctance to endanger any fellow students by allowing them to workout on unsafe equipment." Moreover, the the insurers have stipulated that the AU should meet certain criteria to continue to be fully covered by public liability insurance. Since our current equipment is in the condition that they are unless the AU employed a full time supervisor and ran induction courses for every gym user, they would risk being sued by anyone who injured themselves on the gym equipment. In response to concern about the lose of the gym facilities the AU has pointed out that "the University of London and University College London both boast gyms which LSE students are entitled to join." It is also hoped that "some new equipment might be installed later this year". Narius Aga, the General Secretary of the SU, suggested that perhaps we should be thinking of building a new gym or renting private facilities such as OASIS. However, he also stressed that the SU did not have any control over the decisions of the AU,even though 20% of the SU budget was allocated towards the AU. Narius Aga's recent proposal to withdraw from the University of London Union, however, further complicates the issue. Because disaffiliation from ULU would exclude LSE students from ULU as well as UCL facilities. Therefore the solution seems to lie in building a new gym or renting a private facilities. However the implementation of such a scheme would be dependent upon the availability of financial resources, which are always limited. Basement Boys use Bogs for Buggery! screams the headlines from the Poly-on-the-Strand this week. "What is this?" asks NFN. "A story worth investigating methinks." So duly 1 jump on the old dog-and-bone and get dialling. This is an unusual fit of journalistic keenness to report something that does actually bear some resemblance to the truth so I feel I should strike while the iron is hot. Mr News at the Roar office in Kings is, unfortunately, extremely helpful. I say unfortunately because it has long since been the tradition of this column to treat our lesser cousins across the Strand in a somewhat derogatory manner. This is partly due to the fact that a healthy bit of mudthrowing never did anyone any harm, but it is mainly because they are without doubt an inferior institution. The friendly manner of Mr News is not conducive to upholding this longstanding tradition, especially since he asked my name and then told me, "I know where you live," in the kind of dulcet tones that left me in no doubt as to News From Nowhere what he would do to me if I misrepresented this story. So, out of deference to Mr News and in no way out of deference to the Poly-on-the-Strand which remains a shit institution, 1 am going to tell this story how it is. Picture the scene. The time is Sam. It is a cold, misty and damp London night. Shadowy figures skulk (a la Hugh Grant) in and out of a certain pungent doorway on the Strand. The gentle scent of stale urine mingles with the grunts and groans of pain and ecstasy that omit from the bowels of the building. The men coming out have a slightly different gait to those going in. Since the headline tends to give the game away, I will stop this pseudo-Dick Tracy style and cut to the chase. Somehow, (perhaps due to the installation of CCTV) Kings have discovered that their bogs are being frequented by those of indistinct sexuality in order to pursue their sordid little activities. Mr News tells me that due to the fact that group sex is all the rage at these encounters. and due to the fact that the cubicles only hold two people at a squeeze (how do you know, Mr News?) the perpetrators have drilled holes in the walls of the cubicles so that... well... er, you know... For decorum's sake I am going to hold that thought and merely comment on the fact that Mr News seems to know an awful lot about this story and one wonders whether..... Hmm..time to flick through the rest of Roar, this fine publication. But what's this on page three? A little 'raw point,' telling us - as if we needed to know - the length of the longest turd in history. Waa?? A little theme is developing here - Mr News and all things concerned with the derriere. Not that I'm suggesting that anyone at Kings is anally-retentive. Or that King's are obsessed with shit. Or anything. 1 think I might have done enough to libel the institution now -the cross-campus fatwa is surely on its way. If anyone needs me, I'll be in Yemen. Please don't tell Mr News. Tasha Kosniver THE BEAVER OCTOBER 26 - Issue 487 news Aga Demands £4m For Temporary Library Building Chelsea Phua As further details of the library refurbishment plans were unveiled this week, attention turned to the decanting issue. A high-powered new committee has been formed to oversee the transfer and storage of books. The new committee is made up of four to five academics, three staff members from the library and two student representatives, one of the student representatives being the General Secretary of the SU, Narius Aga. Although enthusiastic and supportive of the refurbishment plans in general, the committee has to address the immediate problem of finding adequate temporary space for the books, and the students. So far, 1.5 million pounds has been set aside for this purpose. But Narius has expressed the view that "this figure is very low for suitable temporary decanting space to be found". In his opinion, a hefty three to four million pounds should be allocated for a temporary building to house the bulk of the library in. And by the "bulk of the library", it means to include not only a home for the books, but also a peaceful reading area for students. "There's no way that students are going to be pushed around for two years, therefore, adequate facilities should be provided whatever the cost." The new committee has been formed following the raising of concerns surrounding the fate of the books during the proposed revamp of the library next year. Grand designs for the BLPES - but concerns remain Photolibrary Narius feels that the school should bear this cost, simply because they cannot ignore the fact that the prospect of students being "pushed around" for two years will undoubtedly have an effect on recruitment of future students. Student Line Hang Ups As Deposit Money Goes Astray Chris Roe Concerns have been raised in various sections of thg student community about the service provided by Student Line, the telephone system installed in LSE Halls of Residence. Students who wished to extend their Student Line subscription beyond the end of June in the Summer Term were required to give a thirty pound deposit to the company against any unpaid bills at the end of the term. Several of those who paid this sum have experienced difficulty in reclaiming it. Shilpa Ganatra, one student affected by the problem, told the Beaver that Student Line credited her account only after she contacted the company, who blamed the delay on a "technical error." Similar fates have befallen other Student Line users. Others have been still less fortunate, particularly overseas Masters students, who have now returned home and face logistical difficulties in retrieving their money. Student Line were regrettably unavailable to speak directly to the Beaver , but sent a faxed statement regarding the issue from their Promotions Manager. This stated that the difficulties stemmed from a change of accountancy package in June, during which some deposits were not transferred to the new system. Student Line "would like to apologise for the inconvenience this may have caused to our customers." This mishap is the latest in a succession of grievances with the service provided by Student Line. Last year Butler's Wharf residence experienced problems with storing and retrieving voice messages, and one student told the Beaver that even now the system is "erratic." A student spokeswoman at Bankside mentioned that some students had been charged twice for calls, and in addition claimed that tariffs were high, with lOp a minute charges even for 'free' 0800 calls. Another complaint concerned the lengthy waits associated with calling the company's help line. The LSE signed a five year contract with the firm in 1996, which still has several years left to run, but some question the wisdom of extending it beyond that date at least until a thorough review of the alternatives has been conducted. Others maintain that an alternatives exist in the form of mobile phone deals and the BT Chargecard scheme. Despite her reservations. Miss Ganatra pointed out that it is "at least better than nothing," and this seems to capture the mood of many halls residents. However, it seems worthwhile for users to note the limitations of the system and to proceed carefully. Disaffiliation from the ULU seems to be the voguish issue to grapple with at the moment, with ideas for a proposed referendum on the subject being announced recently. But the reasons behind the decision to have a referendum on the subject are, if anything, plain vague. In the riddle wrapped in the mystery inside the enigma that is the ULU politics, the motive behind the cream of LSESU's outright support for a disaffiliation seems dubious. The reasons cited ranged from ULU's lack of democratic structure and representation to the yearly payment by LSE of approximately £70,000 for services from the ULU which are either unsatisfactory or can be better provided by the LSESU. But it is becoming increasingly clear that what underlies these semantic quibbles are open to different interpretations and that something as radical as disaffiliation is fraught with risks. It is vitally important that we have to grapple with a number of tricky issues and have a proper debate before a decision is made by way of a referendum. Do we want to stand alone? Some, ever cynical, question whether it is the fights, factions, mutinies and competing egos or whether it is the despair and the rising tide of indignation resulting from being represented by a body that is both undemocratic and under-represented, the true stimuli behind the latest tussle. Yet some others argue that if the criticisms against the ULU are true, then its abject condition is pitiful enough without the LSESU inflicting an extra wound and ask whether the possibility of reform has been rejected from the list of many cures touted for the ULU headaches. Strong concerns have been voiced over the way in which the whole debate is being handled. Part of the concern is the sheer dull perfunctoriness of what passed as an Mannan Raja open meeting on the issue last week. Agendas were vague, debate rare and dissent weak and sporadic. Importantly, it was all too short and very poorly attended. Furthermore, the details of the alternative representative body (whose formation is vital to the success of disaffiliation) comprising many of London's students' unions, including alternative arrangements for providing services that are now being taken care of by the ULU, were kept to a minimum. This approach, according to some, probably makes a Yes vote likely, since debate could be kept to pleasant generalities, without seeking to deal with many troublesome practicalities. Many have called for an independent body to conduct the referendum and monitor the campaigns with independent formulation of questions. There will be money available for anyone who wishes to run a 'No' campaign, but will anyone take on the might of the SU? A final consideration - The way people vote is affected by the way a question is worded. NOP, a polling company, after testing seven ways of phrasing the same question ,found that the Yes vote varied by 16 percentage points depending on how the question was asked. With so many tricky referendums in the offing, it pays to be careful. And most of us will agree with the proposition that it also pays to be careful when putting our mark on the ballot paper. NEWS COMMENT Union Jack Leaves are falling, birds are flying south for the winter, and across London teenagers are throwing fireworks at each other. Yes folks, its Autumn (or Fall for the transatlantically challenged) and time for elections. Not the interesting elections where we finally see the back of Snow White (living up to the name with her eagerly awaited "Drugs, Alcohol and Sex Week") her Two Dwarves (and Yawn) amidst a blur of tears and alcoholic joy, but their little brother, where people no-one knows get elected to committees no-one cares about. Definitely Silk Cut Ultra low rather than Marlboro Red, but still better than fresh air. Come down to the quad this week and get a big lungfull of LSE politics. The folicaliy misfortuned figure of Sam Parham (he really is half the man he used to be), who has contrived to return as the Returning Officer gave us the two nominations for Honourary President. Wignall came out in favour of John Major rather than his traditional comrade Pol Pot, while his estranged lover Tank Girl advocated Lee Ji-Young, who was surprisingly an oppressed socialist. You don't need a brain like Giddens to appreciate the poetic symmetry of one reviled Tory sticking up for another, and two outspoken communist sticking together. Just when everyone thought that the unpleasant phenomenon of Burntdildo Duggan had been disembowelled and stump-fucked to death by cheap popular politics and the pursuit of Wignall, it was suddenly apparent that there was going to be a 'Real Discussion'. ULU then: what is it, why is it, where is it, and should we be entitled to vote for a referendum disaffiliating from it. In the Red Corner, Chairman Mao Aga.( Is Jack hallucinating or has Aga's ability to sound interesting gone through the roof recently. Someone even clapped this week. Is this the real Narius or some superior remake?) In the Blue Corner Matt "Raw" Hyde, heavyweight champion of Malet Street, another potential beneficiary of the Parhamtoastie/Kirby (1 feel like a new woman) diet. Jack was touched and surprised (two things that don't happen to him very often) by the blood and sweat spilt over the question of whether or not the LSE should be able to decide where its money is spent: £70,000 to ULU to subsidise the UCL swimming pool, or £70,000 to Jasper for a one off Fun Loving Criminals gig. Dr. Jack personally thinks the money should be used for an operation to surgically remove Maria's trousers (something that tight can't be healthy...take note Jamie "cabaret singer extraordinaire" Ashworth) On a lighter note. The Union Notes that General Pinochet is an evil minded South American who's been around for too long, (sounds familiar Mr. Dugin?) Jack's off now to prepare for his "Jack Off" shock jock hour on PuLSE radio. Till then... 4 politics THE BEAVER Issue 487 - OCTOBER 26 Can Blair Resist the Pleasures of Patronage? Katherine Jacomb Anyone for sherry? Labour must decide not if, but how the Lords can be reformed legitimate in a democracy. Reforming tlie House of Lords is a fundamental part of New Labour's plan to modernise Britain, to expand the idea of New Labour to New Britain as it were. Critics argue, however, that, alongside devolution and reform of the electoral system, it is little more than a symbolic gesture to prove how radical New Labour really is, and a chance for Blair to achieve his place in history. After the stunning election victory. New Labour have a lot to live up to and perhaps the opportunity to reform the Lords is little more than a non-controversial way of doing this. It is crucial for Blair to ascertain The sight of the pompous, well-fed mass that is the House of Lords would have reinforced anyone's belief in the need for reform. Perhaps some members do work hard to try and justify their hereditary positions, but Lord Sugeley's attempts at defending slavery reveal how horrifically out of touch this body is with modern Britain. It is almost impossible, even for Lord Sugeley, to claim that hereditary power is in any way exactly what he will replace the Lords with before he rushes to reform. And so far. New Labour have demonstrated that a quick fix to political problems is sometimes the most appealing option. Ignoring the West Lothian Question seemed the most convenient way of introducing devolution (and increasing his popularity) and, of course, the seemingly endless discrepancies over tuition fees. The real danger, if Blair goes for the easy, populist approach, is that a wholly appointed second chamber will be introduced. This would be to replace a bad situation with an even worse one. It would perhaps correct the undeniably unfair Tory bias in the Lords, but at least hereditary peers gain power through the random process of birth; an appointed chamber, even if chosen by a supposedly representative body, is open to widespread manipulation by those with vested interests. And we are still no closer to real democracy. The option Blair ought to support is a fully elected, and therefore accountable, second chamber (similar to the Senate in America). This is the only alternative which enhances, rather than continues to undermine, a democratic Britain. But is Blair brave enough? The House of Lords is, and could continue to be, a major area of Prime Ministerial patronage: is he really willing to give this up? The main problem for Blair with an elected second chamber is that, once legitimate, it could demand an increase in its powers in order to more effectively check and balance the Commons. To the voter this could certainly seem attractive, especially when governments can be elected with a majority as overwhelming as Labour's. Another alternative espoused by one leading LSE intellectual is an elected House of Lords based on a quota or list system. Under this scheme the Lords would have to be comprised of a certain numbers of experts in various fields. The House could still be elected, but would be guaranteed to have a considerable element of authority in areas such as health, law, farming, business, education, economics, and so on. The House would then examine legislation in specialised committees and could arguably provide more effective scrutinisation of government policy. At the present time the powers of the Lords are so limited that our second chamber can on many occasions seem superfluous. When it does delay bills from the Commons, though, its recomm.endations cannot be taken seriously because of the dominant interests of the (Conservative) land owning aristocracy. If the second chamber was made legitimate, a new role could be created for it. It could become a guardian of the electorate, ensuring that the government fulfiled its promises and disproving that infamous criticism of Britain as an elective dictatorship. But, as in Blair's quibblings over proportional representation, are his assertions on House of Lords reform strong (or sincere) enough to warrant a real solution? While a reformed second chamber is certainly desirable, it is not so urgent that Blair should fob us off with a half- baked compromise that will create yet more problems. It is better to listen to Lord Sugeley's absurd rantings for a few more years, safe in the knowledge that he has no real power and his days are numbered, than to be stuck with a non-solution indefinitely. Tories Get Bad Press Stephen Topping Things are not always what they seem, especially if you hear about them from the media. The Conservative Party conference was so grossly misreported that by the end of the week delegates were left wondering whether the media had actually gone to the same conference. Then there was the the media obsession with the idea that all Conservative delegates were elderly pensioners. Obviously they had there eyes shut when 'Conservative Future' was launched in a packed out room of young people. And clearly they failed to notice as young speaker after young speaker addressed the conference during the education debate. Next comes the interesting idea that Michael Portillo is running a leadership campaign. During a fringe meeting Michael Portillo urged his audience to rally behind William Hague'^ leadership if they cared about the Conservative Party. Again it seems that the media wasn't listening. Perhaps the greatest outrage of the week was The Sun's depiction of the Conservative Party as a 'dead parrot'. The Tory conference showed the party to be anything but dead. All week, from Ann Widdecombe's rabble-rousing speech to William Hague's brilliant oratory, the Tory parrot was very much alive and squawking. Delegates left the conference with a new determination to fight the government and win back lost support again. When this happens the press media turkeys will come back home to roost. V. OUT- [tncoormer 3,-1------ STANjgY Q O" g Mii^oSEy/c PNOCHetA The Political Editor would like it to be known that the politics page is intended as a forum for debate and in no way do any of the opinions expressed on the page relate to his own personal beliefs. THE BEAVER OCTOBER 26 - Issue 487 letters 5 edi\r oriql If you're reading this it means that a week of trials, tribulations, complaints, apologies, excuses and numerous angry phonecalls has finally resulted in yet another issue of the Beaver. If any of you thought it couldn't get much worse after last weeks advertising fiasco, believe me; it can. The stresses of this job can really get to you. But then, as my Uncle Ben used to say; "With great power comes great responsibility.." Um... hang on... Obviously the big news this week is the Union's decision to hold a referendum on ULU disaffiliation Although the Beaver is assured independence from the LSESU and our approach towards all news articles is one of objectivity (as opposed to rival publications, naming no names, London Student...), my personal opinion of the ULU issue is that disaffiliation is the only way forward. Admittedly they may have a nice bar but £70,000 for the Kev House night that is Beano and not much else doesn't sound like a good deal to me. Even if we don't get all the money back we should do it on principle... Nobody likes cheap threats and Mr Hyde and that's what your ultimatum sounded like. My only fear is that the LSE's infamous apathy will thwart a chance to prove democracy works. Whatever your opinion I, like the Sabbaticals, urge you to make your voice heard. Anyway I have to go now... My Editor sense is tingling... Matt Brough An Apology Last week, owing to a printing error, a number of advertisments were not printed on the pages they were intended to occupy. Although the Beaver was not directly responsible for the mistake we fully acknowledge that the advertisers in question (Proctor & Gamble, Monitor Company and Standard Chartered Bank) did not receive the service they were entitled to as customers of the Beaver's advertising services. We would like to take this opportunity to sincerely and wholeheartedly apologise for any serious inconvienience and lost revenue that may have been incurred and wish to assure them, and all future advertisers, that steps are being taken to ensure such an occurance will never happen again. If anyone has any further complaints they should contact the Beaver office on (0171) 955 6705 or get directly in touch with the Executive Editor. Once again we would like to apologise to all offended parties. Matthew Brough Gym facilities: An Explanation Sir , ^ As treasure of the Athletic union I would like to respond to the many inquiries and complaints surrounding the recent closure of the multi-gym. Earlier this year our insurers stipulated we should meet certain criteria if we were to continue to be fully covered by public liability insurance. As things stood, unless the AU employed a full time gym supervisor and ran induction courses for every gym user, we risked being sued by anyone who injured themselves on our equipment. Furthermore it was clear that much of the equipment that comprised the gym was old and particularly unsafe. Thus the second reason we began to contemplate closing the gym was our reluctance to endanger any fellow students by allowing them to work-out on unsafe equipment. Before the summer vacation therefore the executive voted to scrap the existing machines and seeking alternative arrangements for those concerned. The University of London and University College London both boast gyms which LSE students are entitled to join. Those wishing to find out more about these facilities are best advised to speak directly to the relevant institutions. Students are also offered preferential rates at Jubilee Hall, Covent Garden. The AU executive fully appreciates that the present situation is not ideal and sympathises fully with all would-be gym users. At the last meeting of the Athletics Committee the issue was unaminously considered as a top priority and discussions are therefore underway to ensure a rapid solution to the problem. It is hoped that some equipment might be installed later this academic year. In the meanwhile on behalf of my fellow members of the executive I appeal for a little patience from you all whilst we seek suitable alternatives to the old gym. Yours Zarrine Ghiassl, AU Treasurer Get out of my way Sir Further to the idea to pedestrianise the LSE 'Campus', i.e. removal of all traffic from Houghton Street and Portugal Street, how about installing 'No Stopping' zones to prohibit people just loitering outside the Old Building or, to a lesser extent, outside the Peacock Theatre. These people seem to just hang around there, attempting to look flash with their mobile phones and D+G clothing, whilst trying their best to piss off people who are at LSE to actually get from classes to lectures without the assistance of a flame-thrower. Perhaps I'm too polite to push these people along, but I'd hope this type of scheme would engender a sense of responsibility before I'm forced to roll them all up in a carpet and throw them off a bridge, Yours angrily. Anon Volunteers Needed! Ask yourselves, what proportion of your day do you devote to ottier people? Can you spare an hour a week to help a fellow student? Diego is a charming £rd year Law student in a wheelchair, i need three volunteers to sit with him in his special room in the library, and generally chat to him for an hour a week each to allow his carer, Heather, to take a break. If you are interested, contact Maria Neophytou in E295, ext 6709, e-mai; Neophytou,M Bar staff mn\e6 Opera Tavern, Catherine Street, London WC1, seeks part time bar staff, Lunchtime, Evening and Weekends. Please call 0171-836-7321 THE BEAVER Executive Editor Matthew Brough Managing Editor Ralph Achenbach Advertising iUianager Oscar Kent Sectioni News Editor Tom Livingstone Sithana Fernando Political Editor Michael Collins Economic Editor Andreas von Paleske International Editor Hiroko Tabuchi Sports Editor Matt Sutton Peter Skipwith Section 2 - BART BART Editor Daniel Lewis Literary Editor Nadezda Kinsky Film Editor Matt Berry Theatre Editor James Savage Music Editor Malte Gerhold Collective Amir Absood, Narius Aga. Anton Scbl Ahmed, Shaista Ahmed, Mark Antony. Sherrina Anuwar, Shama Aslam, David Bakstien. David Balfour, Mark Baltovtc, Laure Beaufils. Christina Beharry, Jonathan Black, Guy Burton. Miriam Chalabl, Uz Cheng, Peter Ciegg, Jonathan Coc^r, Amic Desai, Nina Duncan, Michael Epstein, Deborah Goldcmbcrg, Shabnum Hasan, Caroline Hooton. Helen Jamieson, Dana Johnson, Tasha Kosviner, Dan Lam, Philip Lam. Becky Utile, Tom Livingstone, Fredrik Ljone Hoist, Kenneth Lo, Ke\^n Lui. Dan Madden. Maria Ncophytou, Ben Newton, Daniela Ott. Mateo Paniker, Zoe Peden, Keith Postler. Zaf Rashld. Nick Robin, Da Roche, Brice>A)ban Rouaioc, Sunll Sodha, Silvia Santoro. Vicky Seabrooke. Graham Stevenson, Chris Sutcliffe. Hiroko Tabuchi. Jamie Tehranl, Gulshan Verma. Julia VosN-les, Joy Wangdi, Matthew VVilkins, Andresv Yule. The Beaver is published by the London School of Economics Students' Union and printed by Ncwsfax. of Unit 16, Carpenters Road. Bov%' Industrial Park. London EIS. It can be contacted at 0181 986 3130. The Beaver can be contacted by phone on 0171 955 6705 and by fax on 0171 955 7717. email:beaver@lse.ac.uk All letters for printing should be received by Noon on Thursday. 6 THE BEAVER Issue 487 - OCTOBER 26 a fund manager, rou ve your career with one of the world's most successful fund manage.rnent companies. jst be readv to manage of the worlds most succ econQmies.' . ih. 11 V % • " ' , i ' >• . > «, , , f« » • w < < r < 4««» «» ••f *» k > 4 a r t ' « < GtC ranks among the world's top fund management firms, with investments in more than 30 countries A young and dynamic organisation with opportunities for professional advancement, a career with GIC is a challenge like no other. To find out more write to: Government of Singapore |0i|| ¦ Investment Corporation Pte Ltd, 250 North Bridge Road, #38-00 Raffles City Ijjw 11 T ^ ^ I UB Government OF SiNCAPORi Tower, Singapore 179101, or fax: (65) 330 8537 or visit us at; www.gtc.com.sg HpS ¦ investment coRPORATioh Government of Singapore Investment Corporation You are warmly invited to attend our presentation. Date : 28 October 1998 (Wednesday) Venue : Lecture Theatre 201 Level 2, Civil Engineering Building Imperial College Time : 6.00pm Beaver Arts Section FUGEES GO SOLO - KNOW THE SCORE INSIDE Motorhead The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie Deja vu Bart guide to Drum Bass Literary Listings And lots more.... 8 Theatre Bart How Very, Very Classy I'd been planning to go and see The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie for ages but had never actually got around to booking my student discounted seats. My motivation for finally going to see it was twofold: the seats were free and I had someone to go with me, but anyway, enough of the chit-chat, let's get down to business. Miss Brodie is a school teacher 'in her prime' who's main joy in life is derived from her profession. The play focuses on her and her students. I'm reluctant to describe the narrative because although there was a story, I don't consider it to be of central importance and 1 wouldn't want people going to see this play for the sole reason of finding out 'what hapens in the end'. Sorry. What I think you do need to know-about is that the overall calibre - it is high. The acting is just great, Miss Brodie (Fiona Shaw) is tremendous and manges to make the audience laugh without dropping her concentration or character, she made them laugh with her passionate recitation but most of all, she made me beleive: she was Miss Brodie and I was there looking in on her class. It wasn't just her though: everyone was 'dedicated, talented and persuasive. Next to mention is the direction - it's mind Woxving. Sitting in your seat, 1 guarantee you'll be sensorily Busy boy Mark Pallis gets with the old skool vibe and concludes it's a class act overwhelmed. The set is crisp and functional without being spartan, there are musicians integral to the cast and at several points most of the cast start singing latinate tunes to an amazingly high standard. So, I've said that it's good, but what do 1 think it's about? As with any pla>-, I can't give any answers and can only offer humble, personal, suggestions. Miss Brodie's teaching style was initially endearing - the lone 'free spirit' amid the very conservative teachers. As the play progressed however, and 1 found out more about her and how her teaching affected her girls, I found myself wondering whether her style was admirable after all. To look at it from a different perspective, one may ask why she taught in the way she did and what she hoped to acheive by it (my suggested answer would be that it was for narrow, selfish reasons as she hoped to live out her failed fatasies through the girls but go and see it and decide for yourself). If one wanted to get very serious about it one may wish to adopt a very broad interpretation and take on board the general questions which the play raises: Do you seek to be someone "GoWen Days" James Simpson loved "Bye Bye I set off last week with a friend to Hampstead, where the plays Bye Bye Blackbird and Playing .Burton were being performed in the New End Theatre. Rarely before have I so greatly enjoyed a night at the theatre. Both plays are based upon the lives of the celebrities in their time, Zelda Fitzgerald (the wife of F. Scott Fitzgerald) and the actor Richard Burton (who married Elizabeth Taylor). Both plays consist of one actor, who for a little over an hour gives the audience a retrospective view of their life, once their "golden days" have passed. In 'Bye Bye Blackbird', the actress Beth Fitzgerald (no link to Zelda and Scott) gives us a mesmerizing review of her glorious and excessive lifestyle during "The Roaring Twenties" of America as the wife of the famed F. Scott Fitzgerald (whose most famous work was The Great Gatsbyi. The opulence, the friends, the parlies, the alcohol (during Prohibition) - all this is evoked with melancholic derision as she sits in a room of the mental hospital where she spent the last eighteen years of her life. Beth Fitzgerald, with her attractive physique and overly-expressive actmg,,firs the part perfectly. The second play. Playing Burton, seats Richard Burton (in his later days) at a small table with his cigarettes and liqueur, recalling his spectacular rise to Hollywood stardom from a poor, Welsh mining BlackbirtJ" and "Playing Burton" family. Now, his heydays behind him (the play begins by announcing his obituary), he evokes his tumultuous relationship with Elizabeth Taylor and the errors of his reckless life. Whereas Bye Bye Blackbird captivated me with the depth of emotions in the acting, Playing Burton brought me almost equal pleasure through actor Josh Richards's hoarse voice and hilarious puns. The plays are different in the sense that one laments for freedom and escape, thus giving the play a sorrowful feel, whereas Burton in his drunkenness provokes more laughs than pit\. I loved the monologue aspect of the plays, where the sole actor expresses his deepest reflections to the audience (in Bye Bye Blackbird, the audience is a council of doctors evaluating their mental patient). Vet lastly, I believe that an important reason why these two plays struck me so much is the tiny theatre in which they are acted. The stage is the floor, the only props being a bed for B\-e Bye Blackbird and a table and chair for Playing Burton, and the seating consists of less than a hundred, confortable seats. At all times, the actor is hut a few feet from you. This intimacy enables one to truly capture the actor's emotions. A tremendous evening! On now at New End Theatre, Hampstead. Box Office: 0171 794 0022 you're not? Do you hold views for the sake of it and what effects does this have? All that said, the play is also very funny and I have to admit that I actually laughed out loud (something that happens very rarely!) Mark's Advice: You will laugh, you will be moved, you will be entertained. See it. (It's also got Lizzie from Trainspotting in it) On Now at the National Theatre Box Office 0171 452 3000 Chics-a-go-go Smouldering! That is the only word which seems remotely accurate enough to describe the hit London show Chicago. However, sexy, raunchy and risque it was too. Never have 1 been to the theatre and felt so physically involved, be those reactions voluntary or not. Go and see it! Visually exciting, musically superb and a bloody, funny story. 1 won't spoil it except to say that it is dark, the story is cynical but the humour hilarious: watch the not so shocking shock at the end. Black lycra and lace, red lips and dark, smoking eyes, cun'es and tlesh epitomise this not so subtle tale aboui sex, violence, adultery and murder. Not forgetting the sensationalism surrounding American Courts. Ruthie Henshall is Roxle, cute, sweet, small but sl>, si.ucry und maiiipuiitivo;; Nicola Hughes is Velma, voluptuos, buxom and a jealous, bolshy bitch to boot. Put the two together and we have a fight on our hands which is vocally unbelievable. Henshall's voice comes from nowhere, or maybe it's everywhere - how such a small frame creates such a deep resonating sound I'll never know, but it made me shiver. Or that could have been my natural response to the most attractive men on earth curving their bodies into positions with all sorts of possibilities, not for the faint hearted! For the men you have eight 6f the sexiest women on earth all wearing very little and purring all over the stage, for God's sake even women will find them sexy. Go-To-Hell-Kitty, the first vision you see, is stunning and wearing a bra, knickers and a see through black body suit, although I have to say my boyfriend preferred the brunette who adorns the underground walls. Credit where it's due though: Amos, the weak willed yet devoted husband of Roxie creates enough heartache and humour for the entire evening. But there's more- Billy our slimy lawyer. Mama, the girls agent and negotiator, and the blatant Mary Sunshine, can only see the sun shining from the arses of these, the world's most wicked women. I guarantee if you want a sexy, am'K^ing, musical, visually stun-.-rg and not to mention uosvnrighl horny evening Chicago is the only show to see. CHICAGO - The Musical now on at The Adelphi Theatre, The Strand. Bart Film 9 Come again? It's Deja Vu Henry (ooh I've so heard of him) Jaglom makes a comeback this week, one which has not altogether been a great critical success, but which certainly deserves a little acclaim. This low-profile indie grandee, whose career was kickstarted as an editorial consultant on Easy Rider, is regarded as an American version of Mike Leigh, though naturally Jaglom's work pales in significance. He is fascinated by people and they're ordinary behaviour: he's keen to ask why instead of what, and this makes his previous films - Can She Bake A Cherry Pie?, Babyfever and Last Summer in the Haptens - somewhat more interesting than your average romantic barf. D^Ja Vu is very much a part of this genre though it is more accessible than some of his previous works. It is a fresh and original take on romance which can easily, by nature, leer towards spew and Kleenex. Jaglom's real-life partner and star of his latest three films, Victoria Foyt - in truth bearing resemblance to the Emma Thompson/Philly Law relationship -plays Dana, a menopausal American woman on a buying trip in Europe. While sitting in a Jerusalem cafe she is presented with an antiue pin, a trinket of a lost love, by an ellusive Parisian. The stranger disappears leaving Dana with the pin but its accute sentimental value urges her to return it to its creator in Montmatre. Later she travels to London, pausing for a detour to Dover, the Kentish port whose spectacular setting inspired wartime Vera Lynn to pen the song Bluebells Over The White Cliffs Of Dover. As Dana strolls precariously along the cliff-tops she encounters Sean (Stephen Dillane), an inexplicably familiar artist, and the two immediately strike up a close rapport, falling desperately for one another in the course of an afternoon, over lukewarm hot chocolate by the sea. The speed of the moment is almost comical and unfortunately Jaglom presents the cynical viewer with an opportunity to grimace and cackle out loud. If one has the stomach to persist though, there is some goodness. Once in London a series of chance meetings continue to bring the couple together, having decided that steadfast rejection is the only way out , and their relationship is forced to blossom in the face of wary glances from their respective spouses. Sean and Dana are as starry-eyed as a modern day Romeo and Juliet and fate is their number one public enemy. The tale exposes the invinsible magnetism of fatal attraction through a number of quirky characters, notably Vanessa Redgrave and Fern Stoner. Redgrave is Skally, a masterful Bohemian creation and she forlornly echoes the philosophies of Left Bank Parisians in days of old. Interestingly, the film is also the venue for the debut of a real mother-daughter act for two generations of Redgrave. For Jaglom this is unfortunate since the classy performances by the old guard outshine those of the young actors, whose story he attempts to put in the spotlight. Still, Stephen Dillane proves he is a prominant force, maintaining the momentum, though he'll surely be outdone eventually by the likes of Joseph Fiennes who has both the talent and the youth. Deja Vu is a mature take on an old story but it is exectued with some originality and creativity. It's unhooking is largely due to a mediocre script and unneccessarily lengthy monologues but it is still a quaint adventure into the hearts of the middle classes which are not altogether pumping the blood of dullards. QUGGnly SGXUality Drew shall go to the ball For those who thought that English history was all corsets and sexual repression, Shekhar Kapur's Elizabeth will come as something of a shock. He depicts Elizabethan England as a place of passion, plotting and real power politics, a place in upheaval with a deeply divided society. This is the backdrop for a film that weaves intimate love with high politics; a queen who succeeds to the throne as a delicate and naive young woman, but who develops quickly into a hard and wily politician. The film begins in the reign of Mary Tudor (Cathy Burke), the Catholic sister of the protestant Elizabeth. The continual danger posed to Cate Blanchett's astute Elizabeth by the sister who despises all that she holds dear is shown as a formative influence in her life. It is at this early stage that Kapur introduces the most controversial element of this biography: Elizabeth's love interest. Lord Robert Dudley (Joseph Fiennes). Her relationship with Dudley dominates this film, and Kapur is keen to court controversy by acknowledging the sexual nature of their relationship. Her enormous power ruins the relationship; she is being courted by some of the most powerful men in Europe, which naturally makes her lover jealous. He, in turn, is persuaded by her enemies to betray her, and is inevitably found out. Emotion and politics cannot be separated in this closed world, and eventually all pay the price. This endless speculation about Elizabeth's marriage leads to Kapur's final coup cie theatre . He portrays her public image as a chaste woman, married to her country, as an illusion. She declares as she starts her transformation: '1 shall become a virgin' , and the whole virtuous image is portrayed as an almost Mandelsonian attempt to manipulate public opinion. Kapur thereby gives us an icon who is shrewd as she is vulnerable, and shot through with a fiery wit that makes her irresistibly fascinating. Whether this is true history is debatable. That this makes great cinema is undoubted. James Savage It must be difficult to create an absorbing film from such an overfamiliar tale as Cinderella. The director, Andy Tennant meets the challenge well, bypassing the sentimentality that so often accompanies 'feel-good' movies. Ever After provides a tender, humorous diversion from the more serious themes we are so used to. Drew Barrymore is Ever After's crucial component injecting the film with energy, emotion and so plenty of herself (mmm). Recovering from a debauched youth and determined to turn over a clean leaf, Barrymore embraces the part of Danielle - a victim who refuses to admit defeat. Drew excels as the spirited sixteenth century Cinderella who seduces the prince (Dougary Scott) with her LSE-depth knowledge of Thomas Moore's Utopia as well as her very pert, chewable mouth. She merges perfectly into the sumptuous Dordogne countryside with as much kitten-like charm (meeow) as sensuality. Stunning cinematography, shot around lakes and chateaux makes the film a visual treat. The plot follows the original fairytale but with the additional theme of Dannielle as a passionate Rennaissance woman inspiring a social conscience in the naive Prince Henri. Probably the loveliest touch (gush, gush) is the idea of having Leonardo Da Vinci ensure Dannielle gets to the ball. Her scheming stepmother 'chases royalty as if its a sport' and her evil air is captured brilliantly in true Adams Family style by Anjelica Huston -as if ICM had to look any further. Unfortunately Scott's prince is too spoilt and arrogant to warrant any charm. Ever After is the perfect fairytale because it is pretty, romantic and very simple. It leaves little impression on th mind and could be considered too light to have any purpose. However, the cast redeems the plot in true panto form, and the escapism it offers from a long slog at Macro is well worth the indulgence. A real Ferrero Rocher (ed.). Sonia Smith Music Bart I*; riHie word that bcsr describes ;• X The Creatures Is wird Not ivveisrf in a 'this is crap' kind of way but: weird in the Tm not sure vsfejt to mafce of this' way, 2nd Floor is a combination of pop, dance and indie. It : is i^ite fast and pacy thotigh the iyiics can be a tad repetitive and seeui: to centre around the* tead singer j^Sescribing her apaitment /^together a: whole tot of rtol bad, (6) AX Snowpony's A typically; anemic indie vocal conveys r surprisingly positively the idea we're > beccaning av«are of as the lx;ginnSr^-of-' : .t&e-tecm novelty, is wearing off. The i compelling groove of John Brown results in 'you've got a lot to learn'-: iaecoming nearly encouragiitg althou^t • the rest of the lyrics suggests a more sinister outcome. The sw#ltng solo sax and the svveUing brass add extra drive ¦ iotheconcoctioa, (8) SP Towa Tei's ide NC Prom Britpop darlings; ("they're so young!") to Kerrai*g! Cov% stars, Ash have clearly been anything IM static over the past few yearn And N:hey are pop no longer, Jesus Says could atoost past muster as a Urussi: Vatsara track, although you'd need ah archaeologist to locate the hooks in it. However, 1 suspea the gtxxl readers Of Kerrang! wont mind too much. {6) NC Single Of The Week Jdst.wben you thought that 'Brittock" had ioet its Maker, and J Colours Red had given up, v«th theii; Paralyse Ep they grant us the most powerful song tliat ever existed. Even though their melodic influences are as prominent as former single Copper Girl, this one's as lieavy, as the Titanic and rocks like it too. And as if the song wasn't a good enough reason to buy this, try the faa that contrary to new chart e!lgibiUt>' rulM. there are 3 .loddij' fr-Sides Instead of the demanded XYeahf fuckdje cham: < 10) SG - Da Refugee Camp Takes Over Da Roach drops a tripple whammy on ya: Lauryn Hill, Wyclef Jean and Pras! Lauryn Hill The Mis-Education Of Lauryn Hill. She fly like Superwoman, her legs go up to my ill-ass goatee, she sings like Aretha Franklin and the girl can drop some mad rhymes! What mo' could you possibly want from a honey? Well she got mo' in store fo' y'all. Lauryn also writes and produces and from the evidence of this debut solo joint, she pretty damn good at 'em too! When you consider that she wrote every song on this album, the diversity displayed by Mis-education peeps yo' ass to the fact that this sista iz mighty deep. From the 1st track. Lost Ones, a raw hip-hop joint, to the last , Tell Him, a soulful gospel ballad, L Boogie keeps flipping the script and hits you with the full extent of her musical repertoire. There are 2 constants throughout the album; live instruments and a message - every single track Lauryn penned is tryin' ta tell you something. Love is a strong theme in this album with a number of short skits of classroom discussions on the subject. Two of the tracks are dedicated to a past love(s). First is Ex-Factor, a soulful number touching on the difficulties faced in severing a relationship. This jam has an ill-ass hook which makes it one of the stand out tracks on the album. The other song dedicated to the ex-boyfriend(s) is I Used To Love Him, a funky R'n'B track on which L Boogie hooks it up wit' Mary J Blige. Still on the subject of love - though of a different flava. To Zion, my favourite number, is a dedication to her young son, Zion, who happens to be a grandson of the great Bob Marley. It is a gospel type song with beautiful, inspired lyrics reminiscent of Will Smith's Just The Two Of Us. I Can't Take My Eyes Off You is a beautiful .song that'll rock any dance floor, be it b-boy or OAP party. Doo Wop (That Thing) .is the debut single off the album which most of y'all must have heard by now. Now this is one phat jam with a dope hook, mad beats, a sweet keyboard riff and a wicked-ass MC by the name of Lauryn Hill. Lauryn really displays her budda rhymin' skills on this one and confirms what I've always thought; forget Wyclef, forget Pras, there's only one Fugee dat really gets bizzy on the mic -da L Boogie. Thank God she's hit us wit' a solo joint without the Bob Marley wannabe and his dissatisfied sidekick. Superstar is a call to all those wack MCs and singers in the hip-hop and R 'n' B. industry. L reminds these perpetrators and funk fakers misprezentin' the game why they got in the game in the first place, to make dope music that people can enjoy and shake they booty to. Maybe she should send Wyclef a copy of this CD. Another dope jam is Forgive Them Father a kind of Hip-Hop/ R'n'B/ gospel mix that's funkyasuiike. provoking, it's moving and it's entertaining all in one. Now ask yourself when was the last time you bought an album that gave you all that. Then try and justify to yourself why you shouldn't.( 9) Wyclef Jean To All The Girls The B-Side of this single. What's Clef Got To Do With It, is Jean's reply to LL Cool J's dis on a record aimed at Clef's protegee, Canibus. LL and Canibus seem intent on bringing about Like is often the case wit' artists who are out to send a message on every jam, some of the songs on the album jus' don't maintain the high standards which lauryn sets. But even these are miles ahead of some o' the mediocre shiznit dat a lot of commercial so-called musicians put out these days, both musically and lyrically. If there's one thing Lauryn has a talent fo' it's writing dope hooks which really get you into the music and makes you listen to what she' preaching. Roach's Verdict: Forget what the charts say, forget what any of her detractors may say, get this album. If it's variety you's after, Mis-Education puts a number of movie soundtracks featuring numerous artists in the shade. It' original, it's thought a '90s revival of battlin' on the mic and Wyclef joins the fun. He shouldn't have bothered. For an MC as lame as himself to try and battle one of hip-hops premier and best rappers is to commit suicide on the mic. Don't forget that LL went to war against Kooi Moe Dee, one of the greatest rap lyricists ever, and won. Wyclef's skinny ass should stick to doing covers of old Bob Marley and 70s disco classics - it's the only way he's ever gonna sell any records. To All The Girls is a blatant, shameless attempt at a chart and dance floor friendly record to put a few mo' Dead Presidents in Clefs bank account. Wit' cheesy shiznit all 1 can say is "Pop Goes The Weasel". Wyclef = Vanilla Ice + Dreadlocks. Since the Fugees decided to do the solo things. this dude's only hit us wit' one good joint, Gone Till November, and that wasn't even a rap record. Go figure. Roach's Verdict; Buy this shit and I will personally pop a cap in yo' litde ass. (3) Pras Blue Angels Pras. Blue Angels. Hmm. On the cover of this single, Prakazrel Michel, the least acclaimed member of the multi-platinum selling Fugees, is dressed in a dark shirt and dark shades wit' three honeys in the famous Charlie's Angels pose superimposed onto the backdrop - all three tinged in blue. Blue Angels. If this is supposed to be some kind of clue to the message behind the song, Da Roach jus' don't get it. Don't expect to find out in the actual song itself 'cos u ain't never heard so much shit talked on any one record befo'. This brutha goes thru 3 verses and the only point he manages to get across is "Refugees are tougher than ever." Puh-Iease!! Pras has a good old skoolly bragadoccio flow but the most bamma lyrical content this side of kindagarten. No joke! As far as rapping is concerned, this is the wackest shit I don heard in a long muthafuckin' time. PJ and Duncan could have done better, Pras produced the song himself and sampled it from the Grease movie soundtrack. Depending on whether you liked Grease or not, that's either a redeeming factor or even mo' proof of what smart industry heads have knovm fo' ages; the Fugees ain't shit without Lauryn Hill. Me, I like Grease and I like this hook but that's all I like yo. Roach's Verdict: Good beats, phat hook, wack lyrics. Nice as long as u don't listen too close. And the winner is... Wyclef has shown that he's strictly 'bout the Benjamins and churns out cheesy 70's remakes faster than you can say 'Hot Chocolate'. But based on the success of his smash summer hit. Ghetto Supasta, and his latest and equally radio friendly effort, it looks like Pras may jus' win the battle of numbers when it comes to record sales. However, whenu talking 'bout which Fugee comes wit' the dopest siiit, the mad skillz, the def hooks and the ill lyrics, there can be only one glprius winner... L Boogie. Too Little Communication ? Terry Wynn II has a little communication with the love and tear of singer/songwriter David McAlmont McAlmont A little communication McALMONT A LITTLE COMMUNICATION The voice is like a refreshing shower on a hot day. The melody drifts though the air like the crisp scent of smoke mixed with money and power at a classy bar. The lyrics are reminiscent of a torrid school-boy crush gone array (like how you felt the first time you caught your lover in bed with your cousin). Such is the album of the artist presently known as McAlmont. 'A Little Communication' deals with love through the two emotions which are ever-present in every relationship; joy and pain. The title track, built upon a sample of Marvin Gaye's 'Sexual Healing', opens with the line '1 should call/Someone should call someone/Do it soon'. A night in which he sits by the phone waiting for it to ring, even though he is afraid to answer. Love at its best. The song intermixes love, fear and desire into a tasteful brew. On 'Happy Hour', McAlmont makes a one-night-stand sound appealing as he seduces a bar patron with his mellow voice. Dealing with the stressful trials and tribulations of his lover on 'Who Loves You', McAlmont pleads with his lover 'Who goes through what you do/and understands the world's contempt -but wants you, just for you/ I'll go with you'. Set against the backdrop of a stringed-orchestra, McAlmont's deep alto ascends to unexpected heights as he sings about the good times and the bad. On 'The Train' McAlmont runs to the big city to escape the scandals of his past and the pain within. On 'Love and Madness', he borders between love and obsession on what could be the anthem of stalkers all over the world. The ten track album ends with 'After Youth' in which he contemplates the issues and events of his life; looking for some type of closure or understanding. The song changes its rhythm many times throughout its length and shows how versatile he is. As a singer, McAlmont could best be described as a new-wave artist who sings the blues with a jazzy edge. At first listening, the falsetto voice that he uses throughout the album resembles that of Nina Simone. His voice is refreshing and peaceful. Like a quiet storm, the album plays out with gentle ease and is perfect for late-night chat or a romantic evening. Though the lyrics are not as poetic as Fiona Apple's, or a deep as Erykah Badu's, McAlmont out-classes the over-the-top Maxwell and creates a new genre of R&B singers. This album promises the this isn't the last of McAlmont. It is well worth a listen. (7) Bart Music 11 Lemmy on the Road f Down at Brixton Shilpa Ganatra faced Lemmy, the Ace of Spades of rock music Motorhead @ Brixton Academy Even though they'd rather wear pink than admit it, heavy metal lads are little Spice Girls fans at heart. In that they both do the obsessed-\vith-a-band thang. Swap the leather jackets for Kappa and the tattoos for fake belly rings, and there would be no difference (except for the moustaches. Always a giveaway). The excitement here tonight is unbelievable- every second person is wearing a Motorhead T-shirt, the bar is being abused at an extremely fast rate, and in the queue, people are discussing which songs the expect to hear tonight. But before the momentous occasion that is Motorhead arrives, we have Groop Dogdrill. Not my favourite band by any means, but tonight they are on top form. However, there are major disagreements even during the first song by some people in the front rows who insist on swearing aplenty. The end of the song is the cue for the drummer to march up to the singer's mike: "Listen, you fuckers," he growls, "while you're standing there, my mates are around your house, shagging your bird, and nicking your TV and video. So fuck you". Despite words like this throughout the set, they do manage to pull of a good performance, especially with songs such as 'Jackie-0' and Gracelands' leave their set halfway through because they 'can't be arsed'. Brilliant. A half hour wait ensues. The excitement is increasing, the hall's heating like a microwave, and the queues at the bar are growing. The (surely the bastard child of Girls against Boys). It's predictable that they save their best song til last ("We've been Groop Dogdrill, you've been a shit audience, this is 'Oily Rag'"), but less predictable that they combination of all three cause a bit of edginess (if there is such a word) which spawns in the form of a good old-fashioned brawl. However, Scary Biker Bloke halts mid-punch as the house lights dim and, inversely, a roar Freestylers We Rock Hard |HV VPH The debut, album of UK break beat innovators Freestylers may well be out some time already, but if anything than this is still worth giving a shout. After winning the Muzik Magazine's Best Band award (leaving far behind no other than Massive Attack or the Chemicals), the Freestylers stormed the clubs with the sample and big beat glory of B-Boy Stance, Drop the Boom and the massive Feel the Panic (the fantastic background track for that Judge-Jules-is-taking-a-bath-ad on BBC 1). Never mind if you have never heard of the song titles - those of you who have been to a decent club during the last two month will most definitely have rocked the floor to these tunes. Since the Beastie Boys' XXX old skool is undoubtedly back for world domination, and We Rock Hard more than anything else is another fresh dose of such turntable trademark of the nineties. Guest contributions on the album include Tenor Fly, Navigator and Definition of Sound, resulting in a unique mix of breaks, big beats, reagge and rap. Yet, the album does become a bit tiresome at times, with an air of boring drum sequences and endless-samples. Thankfully, some ace scratching techniques make up for such lack of creativity and retain what no quality debut can afford to miss: That cutting edge of DJing innovation. The louder you play it, the better it gets. Very promising. (6) Malte Gerhold Matthew Marsden Say Who Matthew Marsden's debut album hits the streets on November 9th, but it seems like just yesterday that we saw him parading his sexy spanner and flashing his nuts down Coronation Street as ruff and ready resident grease monkey mechanic Chris. A million rosy-cheeked schoolgirls would have given their right arms that they could polish his spark plugs/fiddle about with his tools/blow his horn. Following in the footsteps of the Nouvelle Vague of pop stars desperately trying to shed their corny soap images (Natalie, Kylie, Tracey), the album which has already nursed one Top Twenty hit is a cheesy mix of r'n'b and pop and will have all those schoolgirls fantasising about the day when they get to rev up Matthew's engine and get his juices running. Matthew Marsden has taken the pen out from behind his ear to write some songs on the album, which also Ash Nu-CIear Sounds I don't understand Ash. I remember seeing them at the Astoria last year - one of three sold out nights - and hearing the whole audience sing the lyrics to every song. Songs which were good but nothing special. And after hearing their long-awaited second album, which will no doubt sell millions across the globe, I still don't understand Ash. This album, with the added influence of Charlotte Hatherley, is not even an ickle bit like their debut 1977. It's less post-punk and more indie. In a Primal Scream sort of way. But rather that they use this massive change to improve their style, a la Blur, they seem to have forgotten that important ingredient, so what we're left with is a revamped Ash being good but nothing special. Sure, songs like Jesus Says may be the perfect lead track, but you have to bear in mind that any song that follows the obvious filler Low Ebb is bound to sound great in comparison. Then you Carrie Fear of sound sees a collaboration of the producers responsible for the likes of Madonna, All Saints, Eternal and Mica Paris. Unfortunately, despite this all very grand and elaborate build up, the fact is that, although there are loads of smoochy r'n'b ballads on there, thay are usually courtesy of recycled'n'borrowed beats. Frankly, it all sounds the same and the result is a tad mechanical (boom, boom) and bland. 'Say Who' won't be leaving any dents in the grand ol' bumper of musical history. (5) Jo Serieux NU-CLEAR SOUNDS have obligatory rock ballads: Though there's nothing as dire as Oh Yeah, we have instead Folk Song which is a nice ditty, but adds nothing to music. Same with Numbskull: Fucking great until you realise all it is, is Smashing Pumpkins in disguise. Yet, if Ash continue with this style, we will have an amazing band who have found their niche in the crowded kitchen we call music. So let's just wait for the next album before we make final decisions, yeah? (6) Shilpa Ganatra Visually Carrie is quite repellent - the album cover suffers from a serious lack of taste and the booklet hesitates between the disgusting and the grotesque. Of course, some will find this 'cool' and original but still! However, musically Carrie has got all the ingredients to please - melodies that gel stuck in your head, sweet vocal harmonies a la Beach Boys (!) and genuine rock guitars (so as not to disturb the sensitive ear of the refined listener).The songs aren't an example of stunning technique and instrumental skill but have that little something that makes them enjoyable. Say you wake up in the morning and you put on Breathe Underwater, Carrie's first single. The tune would just stay with you all day. You go back home in the evening and what do you do? - Breathe Underwater again. The problem is that the album, although being only 40 minutes short, tends to become vaguely annoying in the long run. Don't get me wrong, it's still good, even though it suffers from debut album syndrome: lacking personality. 90's pop-rock is the main source of inspiration and Weezer or That Dog can certainly be found on Carrie's reference books. But all in all, the band has made a good start. Those who like rock guitars and easy going melodies will find Carrie's first release worth buying. (7) Dimiter Bratanov Anna Derbyshire's Social Diary emits from the crowd. Motorhead are back and I've never heard a vengeance so loud. The force of frontman Lemmy alone is enough to throw you to the exit doors without having the 20 foot speakers turned up to a sueable level. Ripping through their set with every song an obvious heavy metal classic, the 'Head do a good job of reminding us where contemporary bands learnt their trade. Songs like 'Iron Fist' and 'Orgasmatron' (covered by Sepultura, for all you fact freaks) have stood the test of time and it shows. Songs from new album 'Snake Bite Love' are equally entertaining tonight, though its obvious the crowd prefer the older stuff. During 'Ace of Spades', bits of the ceiling were coming off, there was so much commotion. Pausing only for a couple of minutes during the encore in order to keep the high pace up, Lemmy proved himself to be an excellent frontman. "Close enough," he said after failing to tune a guitar, "close enough to jazz". In the world of heavy metal, Motorhead are an institution. When this institution plays England's capital, you know you're in for a bit of rocking and a bit of rolling, and we received plenty of both tonight. So who said Now that the festival season is over, with jugglers and Levellers alike seeking shelter in the armpits of decomposing tramps until next summer, B-rate indie bands the country over are packing up their cocaine supplies and heading off on tour. Only two weeks ago I hotfooted if to the exotic delights of Camden's Hectric Ballroom, Blue Peter badge on proud display, to witness the 'delights'^ of theaudience. Fronted by hamster-cheeked debutante Sophie Ellis-Bextor,-daughter of Blue Peter's first unmarried mother Janet Ellis, theaudience did a admirable job of looking utterly bored for almost an hour. Although perhaps not as bored as die audience looked, or indeed the guests at the "record company cutbacks"-themed partyi where absolutely no celebrities were in attendance, Theaudience are rumoured to have split only last week, citing charisma difFerence.s. Ultrasound's ULU gig a couple of weeks before, despite being a^ fme display of intelligent musicianship,-also suffered from something of a celeb drought, with only Billy from, erm, theaudience, bothering to turn up. Oh, and Placebo, but that's hardly news. Talking of Placebo, however, diminutive sex dwarf Brian Milkshake was recently spotted trying to get into an 18 film, only to be told that he was, and I quote, "Havin' a larf". Quite. But enough of gigs that have already happened: what is hip 'n' happening enough in London town over the next few weeks to be worth the bus fare? Mercury Music Prize spods Gomez play the Shepherd's Bush Empire on Oaober 29, so if you wear cordorouy loon pants and listen to Neil Young, you know where you should be. And I don't mean up Bernard Butler's arse. Rather amusingly,the desperate old goths that constitute Bauhaus reform to play the Brixton Academy on November 8, so start airing those bats now. If, on the other hand, you want some proper heartfelt rock 'n' roll to get your teeth into, I suggest the gorgeous balladry of Puressence at the Shepherd's Bush Empire on October 30. Just make sure you're outta there before headliners Shed Seven take to the stage. I have to say, it's nice to see that the LSE are putting on a few gigs in the Qpad, even if the only aas in the last couple of months have been Bis and the Getaway People (no, me neither). I'm pushing for a Christmas Extravaganza featuring an acoustic set from Marilyn Manson, or possibly a collaboration between Mark E. Smith and Saffron "All mouth no talent" Republica. Just to see how long it takes to make her cry: seven seconds? Less? See you down the front for that one. Seriously though, with King's and ULU roping in a few decent bands to entertain the troops, LSE really should be making more of an effort on the live music front. And on that note I shall say adieu and prepare myself for the many Velvet Goldmine parties that will doubtless be happening this week. Jonathan Rhys-Meyer is not safe. See ya, chumps. i2 Clubbing Bart The gfleif Guide to.. Drum 'n' Bass In part One of your indispensable Ba/t Guide to Music and Clubbing in London, Jo Serieux and James Cooper, take you into the world of Drum and Bass. So, tell me again, why did you come to the LSE? Was it because of its outstanding academic reputation in the field of the social sciences? Was it because you were rejected from Cambridge (sounds familiar - Ed)? Or was it coz you knew that London is far and away the clubbing capital of the world and you knew you just had to be a part of it? If so, then this is the page for you. Every week we'll give you the low-down on a particular genre of underground/under-rated music, guiding you through which aspects of the scene are the dog's bollocks and which are the monkey's arse, and if you trust us, we promise to make sure that you are clubbing it up in style, not just ending up at the cheap tarts and greasy tossers night at your local Ritzy (or the Tuns). Hold tight! History Drum and bass is one of, if not the most exciting and innovative style to have ever come out of the UK (I dare you to send in your refutations). Oh, you thought that Elton John and the ever-so-cheesy Phil Collins were the best that the UK had to offer. Oh. how you pathetically yearn for the golden age of The Beatles and The Rolling Stones, like the sad pathetic loser that you are. Well wake up and shut the feck up- drum and bass is the music of the 21sl century. ' Drum and bass evolved out of a fusion of late 70's break-beat and Acid hou.se. with pioneers like Grooverider, LTJ Bukem and 4-Hcro adding potent shots of hip-hop, reggae, techno and dub. Characterised by dark, heavy basslines this new sound packed them in at legendary nights like AWOL. Telepathy and Roast. Before long producers such as Photek, Fabio, Dillinga and. of course, Grooverider were moving away from ragga basslines in favour of a fresher, sharper, more acoustic sound. This was now drum and bass, although the actual term had been floating around ambiguously for a while. With this new change in direction came the sickly-sweet smell of commercial pressure as Goldie's successful Metalheadz label was set up and his debut album 'Timeless' paving the way for other drum and bass producers to follow. Since then the music has become a lot rougher, stronger and technical expertise ensures that the Dillinjas and Photeks and Opticals of this world stay at the top. Get down to you local record shops and visit the clubs listed if you want to familiarise yourself withnames, there are sooo many talented producers/DJs/MCs in the scene, I couldn't possibly fit them all on this page. Alternatively, why not take a trip down to your nearest music equipment dealer and splash out on a gleming set of Technics SL1200/I0 turntables, courtesy of Student Loans Inc.and launch your own career? Global Explosion 'Just For You London' was a tune that reflected how the drum and bass/jungle scene stood during the earlier part of this decade; the whole scene was seen as one that centred around London and the experience of living in the metropolis. It was, to quote a wise man, 'a London somet'ing'. Nowadays, however, drum and bass has just as much of an influence world-wide as it does nationally, giving UK DJs, MCs, Producers etc.the chance to lug all their equipment overseas in an effort to bring their sound to the masses. Hotspots at the moment are Japan, US, Canada, Germany, Australia, New Zealand and the music is starting to establish itself in S.Africa, Eastern Europe and S.America, to name but a few. BEWARE all you Easy Listening fans—Drum 'n' Bass is taking over. Clubs First of all, a few words of advice. Don't believe all those crappy Daily Star RAVE columns where they tell you that in order to be admitted into a drum and bass club you must have gold teeth and be wearing enough jewellery to finance a whole continent for a year. Wear whatever the hell you want i.e. trainers, cos they're allowed! Make loads of friends in the toilets but don't expect your boyfriend to even acknowledge that he knows you when you come out of the club in the morning looking like a pile of turd. Got it? Ok, then make a start on this lot first: MOVEMENT @> Bar Rumba A highly successful and cheap Thursday night caper with guest DJs on rotation. Bar Rumba-36 Shaftesbury Avenue. £3MEMBnRS/B4 10:30, £4 NUS, £5 OTHERS.9PM-3AM METALHEADZ PRESENTS SUNDAY SESSIONS @ BLUE NOTE Goldie, Fabio, Grooverider, Kemistry and Storm and all Metalheadz massive. Blue Note, 1 Parkfield Street, Islington N1 £10/£5 HEADZ MEMBERS/£8 NUSand B.NOTE MEMBERS.7PM-1 2: 30AM SWERVE (® The Velvet Room Resident Fabio plus up and coming talent. Wednesdays. @The Velvet Room, 143 Charing Cross Road, WC2 £6/£4 NUS. lOPM-2: 301'M Read the mags and visit the sites for even more listings. On the Net The following sites contain some stormin', totally to date info on all aspects of the scene. vww.dbzone.ndirect.co.uk www.drumandbass.co.uk www.jungle.syspace.co.uk www.users.pipemedia.net/kool-f-m/ The Mighty, Mighty Grooverider Classics Who needs grant money? If you own records like these you'll be laughing all the way to the bank-maybe not in time for that piss-up in the Tuns but certain DJs have been known to offer as much as £150 for original copies of some of these tunes which are all less than ten years old: MR KIRK'S NIGHTMARE- 4-Hero WE ARE E- Lennie De Ice HURT YOU SO- Jonny L MUSIC- LTJ Bukem SOVERIGN MELODY- Dillinja MUSIC BOX- Roni Size RENEGADE SNARES- Omni Trio VALLEY OF THE SHADOWS- Andy C HELICOPTER- Deep Blue CIRCLES- Adam F HORIZONS- LTJ Bukem PULP FICTION- Alex Reece Calling ail ravers ¦ , DV you have a good knowledge ot any particuUr itylc of dance-music and of the H at? Have you beeti out and had a blinder recently? Or have you experienced a and have a chat at the Beaver meeting Monday at 6pm. London dubs you can boogie dovm to London dubbing nightmare? ClubNews This years Freshers' Fair saw the creation of a society devoted to clubs and underground dance music. The committee hope to offer coach trips to clubs outside London as well as cheap nights in The Underground which will hopefully provide a showcase for LSE's own budding DJ's as well as guests from outside. Ecastasy testing kits are to remain legal in the UK despite calls from Drug Tzar Keith Hellawell for a ban on their sale. The kits, which allow users to test pills for the presence of MDMA and other substances were described by Hellawell as 'an immoral money-making venture.' The Home Office has decided not to introduce specific controls on the supply of the kits which are manufactured by The Green Party Drugs Group who have pointed out that all their profits are ploughed back into drug education work. Bart Literary 13 Raising the Spirit Levels D. Brown and G. Jakab talk to Nick Revell Be afraid! Be very afraid! Don't say we didn't warn you - Nick Revell, like most of his characters, is "a few bisquits short of a packed lunch". When you read HOUSE OF THE SPIRIT LEVELS, beready to expect anything and everything, from Elvis reincarnated as a cocker spaniel, to the Virgin Mary blowing up th local pub, dead embalmed bodies taken out to lunch on the bus, Morris dancing Eco-Warriors. . .and the list goes on and on. From word one, the reader is introduced to the most outrageously stereotypical characters, like Jeff the PE teacher who is "virtually dead from the neck up" or Dave the Yorkshire lad prepared to do anything (... literally) for his mates. While the characters may not be as round as those of Dostoyevsky's (although the main character's lover is called Nastassia Fillipovna Karamazov, who induces "professors of geometry to burst into flames then and melt into tallow joyously, knowing they have seen such a collection of sines and cosines as Euclid could never have predicted nor P)gmalion expressed), the reader is immediately endeared to them. The plot is complex, if ridiculous at times, it's plausible, or so you think until you realise that he is taking the piss, trivial, yet horrifyingly cruel. True to his style, Revell intended this book to be a comedy and he achieved just that. Rcvell's combination of a worrvingly insane style and even more insane situations and characters will keep you wondering what kind of drugs he was on when he was writing the book. If you are looking for a light read with a great deal of literary tools thrown in and a bunch of interesting references, as well as a brilliant laugh, then we well recommend this book to you, and you are likely to love it. We give Nick We give Nick full marks on achieving his goal to entertain and can't wait to read his next book. HOUSE OF THE SPIRIT LEVELS by Nick Revell pithlished by Headline, priced at £9.99 Nick Revell has been writing for radio and television for fifteen years, and has recently released his first novel, HOUSE OF THE SPIRIT LEVELS. Had we not met him at his book reading earlier that week, we would never have guessed that this short, laid-back, unassuming bloke with the flannel shirt and carrier-bag was the acclaimed comedian who has written for Drop the Dead Donkey. Friday Night Live, and Million Pound Radio Show. Beaver: What does it feel like having finally finished the book? Nick: It's great. I have done a reading or two since I've finished it. and got .some feedback and a couple of nice reviews. There is so much anxiety involved; it's different from stand-up comedy in that if you do a bad gig. you can get up again and pui it right. Or if you are writing a sit-com. you've got a certain process where you are getting feedback as you are rehearsing. Whereas with this, there is no way of telling how it's going to be received. It's strange that there is nothing you can do about it once it's been released. But, yeah. .. it's been nice. U was especially good on Monday {publishing date), bccause it was a catharsis really - to get all that anxiety out of the way and start thinking about other things. B: How long did it take to finish? N: Well, it started life as a radio-show last spring and 1 was playing around with that for quite a while. I suppose I had the idea for it about two years before that. So when I sat down to write the book, I had the characters and the plot mapped out already. 1 wrote the first draft pretty quickly, . . in about three months; that was too much pressure really. In the end, all I did was write, write, write; it was hard work. B: Do you have any ideas about the next one yet? N: I'm not being guarded or .secretive, but they are not really in a particular form yet. I want to tr>' and stick to that .sort of surreal style at I used in this one. But beyond that, I don't really know. I think it's gonna be about urban paranoia, ,so I'll probably set it in London, but try to...mm...make it like a magical realist London, rather than a realistic one, because I think my strength is in that kind of comic writing. Like in this novel, when you have a narrator who is listening to the story told by someone who is drunk all the time, you can play around with the gap between what is really going on and what is being reported. There is comic mileage in that, which I like to play around with and hopefully entertain a bit. B: Where did that coine froin? N: Good question! I dunno.. . 1 suppo,se a lot of writers that I really enjoy, write in that kind of style. People like Pintcher or Tim...Tom Robbins. Or Rablet, that seventeen, sixteenth...fifteenth century French writer...I've always admired the way he talks about the nature of Renaissance politics, borrowing from Machiavelli or Thomas Moore and the next minute he is like, you know, writing a sentence about the best thing to wipe your arse on or a giant causing a Hood in Paris by having a piss against the wall at Notre Dame. I love that kind of exaggeration as long as it's making a point. I like that richness really. I've always liked mythology, tales and the Latin American writers as well, like Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Allende....I really like their .stuff. Having a bit of magic in it. 1 guess, I wanted to write an affectionate send up of that kind of magical realist novel. B: Is that where the title came from? Isabelle Allende's HOUSE OF THE SPIRITS, I mean. N: Yeah, the way that came about was very cheap, a cheap joke, really. You know, how the plot very loosely tied in together and the idea of a black sheep going back to his family. Originally I was going to make the family really boring, like salesmen or something. But I thought that if I make them really rich builders, I could call it THE HOUSE OF THE SPIRIT LEVELS. And it's also quite a nice catchy title and some people will buy the book by mistake thing it's Allende's. I thought it's such an outrageous pun; it's so shameless, so I may _as well crowbar it in. B: Are your characters based on anyone you know? N: Yeah. yeah...I think always when you are w riting you have little incidents that stick in your mind and experiences that you make a mental note of. They sort of come up when it's the right time, but you can't push it. This book is set partly in West Yorkshire, where 1 grew up. In the Yorkshire section a lot of the characters are composites of the people that 1 know, and I've used the atmosphere of growing up in industrial West Yorkshire....rve used memories of places or people but there is nobody in the book that is a hundred percent anyone 1 know. It's a fascinating process really...because I really don't quite know what I'm doing. It's quite interesting - you have to Jump in and Just see where it leads. B: Do you think fame would ever go to your head? N: 1 hope not. Fame can easily snatch up on you and alf of a sudden you are acting like an ass-hole, but you don't realise it. I think you can get there more easily than someone would imagine from the outside, if you've got a flock of people kissing your boots and more money than you can possibly count or know what to do with -not something that is likely to happen to me though! It's a buzz making a living out of writing though - it's great, I've always wanted to do it in one form or another. B: Did you ever think you'd make ii to this point? N: Hmmmm....Well, yeah, I suppose you have to have a have a certain amount of self belief. 1 got to the point after college when I was doing a gig or two. and people would ask me about what I do. I'd tell them "I want to be a comedian". And then suddenly there is a point when you start saying "1 am a comedian'. I suppose that's when you start believing it, but the doubt is always there.There is a certain mani depressive curve to it - most of the tinii I'm fairly in the middle. I go mad abou. once every two or three years and get really depres.sed. But I guess that's part of the deal really; it doesn't happen that often. B: How did you make your break into stand-up comedy? N: 1 went to the Comedy Store at the end of 1980. 1 hadn't really thought of being a stand-up comic until then. I thought it would be a good experience though, so I went down to the Store, walked in and said. '1 want to do it'. Did it. Wa,sn't very good, but 1 found it really exciting. At first I Just wanted to try it for the fun, but then the bug bit. It was a nice feeling when I first got booked at the Store in '82. B: How did the shift from stand-up to writing occur? N: At one point I didn't want to do stand-up anymore - I Just got fed up. I wanted to do more complex narrative stuff. It was an evolutionary thing. The two are very different, particularly because your editor reads everything before it comes out, your agent reads it, a couple of other people read it. You get feed-back, which is mostly positive because, like you, they also want it to be good. But until it's really released, you don't want to get too confident about it. With stand-up the response is immediate. It's a completely different nature of response. B:Who did you target the book at? N:l had to wonder what kind of market it would hit, but I suppose, it could be quite a good student read...('ni( -'S\ I B) Kick stand. C) ICick to the nads. D) Kick yo ass, you tree hugging See... easier than getting arrested for indecent exposure at King's. All competition entries must be in by Friday at 5pm. The winning entrant and two runners up will be drawn from a hat / box / beergiass in the Beaver office and will be notified by Monday the 2nd November (names & addresses please... we're not psychic). Losers who don't want to miss out on the event on the 13th, 14th and 15th of November can still get tickets by calling 0171 490 4707. They're £9 a pop and are well worth shelling out for. So to catch live pro-am snow and skate demos, live music and bags of other board related shenanigans, let your fingers make with the seven digit mambo and get on the blower pretty damn sharpish. Competition Rules: All entries must be received by 5pm Friday 30th October. No correspondance will be listened to or affect the final result. Only student members of the LSE are eligible to enter. Any members or the Beaver staff / collective found entering will be forced to eat the dead plant in the office corner (i.e. You ain't winning so don't bother). The bit about the fiver was a joke: you can give us money if you want but it won't get you anything except a big sloppy kiss off Bart editor. Dan Lewis. The first entry drawn after 5 on Friday gets the tickets, the next two each win a bunch o' Kelloggs related stuff. Oh and Big Bad Editor lilatt Brough's decision is final. Any crap and he'll mail you home in a jiffy bag. Mad props to Wendy at Board X for sorting us out with the prizes. The Beaver sez cheers! THE BEAVER OCTOBER 26 - Issue 487 international 15 A Happy Birthday for the UN? Yes, Prime Minister Damian Thong says it's time to celebrate, but there's always a party-pooper Ee Loong Toh tackles Japanese power politics The first meeting of the General Assembly. London, January 1946 Last. Saturday the United Nations celebrated the 53 rd anniversary of its founding. The rejoicing however, was muted. One of the UN's problems was highlighted last week, when members of UK United Nations Associations commemorated UN Day by gathering in front of the American Embassy in London for a candlelight vigil to urge the US to pay its SI.6 billion in arrears to the UN. It is unfortunate that the United States, the professed global leader, Cold War victor, military behemoth and the world's richest nation, is unwilling to pay its bills. This is ironic because the UN champions the very values and interests Americans hold dear — human rights, the spread of democracy, disarmament and nuclear non-proliferation, to name a few. Despite a growing support in America for the work of the UN, the US government seems torn between the needs of global leadership and a revulsion to over-commitment beyond America's shores. Furthermore, the US remains allergic to the merest whiff of a perceived loss of sovereignty. As UN funding is held hostage to a political wrangle between the Republican Congress and an embattled Clinton, the US is in fact risking its place in the General Assembly — a very real fate if it fails to pay up at least S347 million by next January. Even if it does scrape through, its credibility in the future will be questioned. The US seems set to fail in its moral and legal obligations to the UN and its member states. As Secretary-General Kofi Annan noted in a recent speech, "Great nations keep their word. They do not inflict wounds on their own prestige or undermine their claim to leadership at crucial moments in world" There is no doubt that now is a such a time. The challenges facing the world and the UN have not diminished over the course of 53 years, although some old issues — such as colonialism and the Cold War — have fallen away. Other problems remain, even as new ones arise. At the heart of these problems is the process of globalisation and technological change, and its management. The dangers are manifold -spreading economic crisis, widespread trafficking of illegal narcotics and nuclear material, global terrorism and international crime syndicates. The control of weapons proliferation, from landmines to chemical poisons and nuclear, missiles, remains pertinent. Meanwhile, the refugee problem and environmental degradation get worse by the day. The UN has been accused in recent years of bureaucratic waste and mismanagement. The US long used this as an excuse not to pay. In the face of its critics, however, the UN has not stood idle. Under the stewardship of Kofi Annan, the organisation has made a concerted effort to streamline its activities even as it strengthens its effectiveness. Its dedication to the preservation of peace and security of the world is unflagging — seventeen peacekeeping operations remain in the field. In defiance of naysayers everj^here, the UN is evolving to meet the challenges ahead. The world will not become a better place by itself. It needs the concerted and dedicated effort of the community of nations to achieve the betterment of people everywhere. Central to this is the UN. Not only is it the unique symbol of international cooperation, it is the only organisation whose activities span the entire spectrum of human activity — The UN at work in Mozambique social, economic and political — a necessary requirement to meet the complex multicausal problems of the future. The UN, however, also needs the US. It cannot do without the resources of the world's last superpower. Without the backing of America, the UN will, in all likelihood, fail. This was the fate of its unfortunate predecessor, the League of Nations, which was abandoned at birth by the US and condemned to futility and marginalisation. Fortunately, the UN is still with us today, advancing the welfare of humanity. This alone is cause for celebration. Happy Birthday, UN. It is difficult, sometimes, not to feel sorry for the Japanese Prime Minister Keizo Obuchi. On his hands are a huge banking mess, an economy on the brink of deflationary spiral and rising unemployment in a country where a job for life was the norm. At home, he is criticised as being a weak, colourless and ineffectual leader. The contrast with the young charismatic leader of the opposition Democratic Party of .lapan (DPJ), Naoto Kan, could not be more stark. On the international stage, allies of the world's second largest economy have become increasingly worried and frustrated. Japan's lethargy and inertia seem to be embodied in Mr Obuchi, described as "having all the pizzazz of cold pizza." That would probably be expecting too much from any Japanese Prime Minister. Real control over policy making has traditionally resided in the civil service bureaucracy. But this is not a simple case of Sir Humphrey Appleby manipulating a hapless and clueless Jim Hacker. In mainstream Japanese politics, the politicians handle the masses, the bureaucrats make the policies and the industrialists provide the prosperity and campaign contributions. This cozy tripartite relationship perpetuates the cautious conservatism of Japanese policy. The inter-relations can be quite a tangle. The tradition of amakudari (literally meaning "descent from heaven"), where bureaucrats enter politics (or the boardrooms of major corporations) upon retirement, ensures that the LDP and bureaucracy stay closely inter-linked. The relative homogeneity of the senior civil service also helps it to resist change. Most are recruited from Tokyo University, particularly its Law Faculty. Everyone knows everyone But I'm the Prime Minister! else since goodness knows when. The ringisei or circular letter system, whereby policy formulation is opaque and dispersed, encourages timid leadership, minimal responsibility and plenty of time wasting. The strong respect for officialdom and seniority in Japanese society further reinforces the stranglehold of the bureaucrats. When Social Democratic Party of Japan (SDPJ) leader Tomiichi Murayama became Prime Minister in 1994, his policies (barring Japan's first official apology for past aggression) looked almost completely the same as those of his LDP predecessors. However, electoral reverses have made it that more difficult for the LDP to push its own policies through. For a while it even looked like Mr Kan and his opposition partners looked hopeful of toppling Mr Obuchi's government and forming a grand coalition. Although Mr Obuchi might not win hearts, he understands Japanese politics. After a fair amount of backroom dealing the LDP managed to pacify the SDPJ, Ichiro Ozawa's Liberal Party and the Heiwa-Kaikaku group with a mixture of goodies, threats and promises. Splintering the opposition in the Diet, Mr Obuchi bulldozed through a banking rescue plan that would not penalise the LDP's friends as much as it should have. Perhaps the reason why Mr Obuchi is Japan's Prime Minister is precisely because Japan does not really want to change — it would rather not convert to American-style capitalism. Unfortunately for Japan, old age and treachery might just overcome youth and skill. Big bully NATO NATO has no ethics,says Ramez Mikdashi The era of NATO in the sense of military obligations is largely over. The organisation that started as a collective security arrangement amongst Western European states, the US and Canada has thus been forced to find another agenda. After the disappearance of NATO's Cold War enemy the alliance has instead developed a habit of telling other countries or rulers what to do. It has somehow come to believe that it has the right to meddle anytime and anywhere — and its rhetoric is always from the same moral high ground. The United States and Britain, part of the backbone of NATO, have repeatedly threatened president Milosevic's Yugoslavian army with air strikes. Several months ago a similar confrontation occurred with Saddam Hussein's Iraq — America and Britain threatened to bomb Iraq into submission if Hussein refused to cooperate with UN weapons inspectors. It took the UN Secretary General, Kofi Annan to hammer out a last-minute agreement with the Iraqi dictator. During that period of tension, the world press failed even to mention the averse humanitarian effects the bombing of alleged chemical and biological weapons plants would have caused. This is because the US and Britain view casualties simply as "collateral damage" caused by the odd but necessary "NATO" or "Allied" bombing raids. This is part of a bigger plan to keep Iraq from becoming too powerful. Iraq has the makings of a mighty state: it has immense oil reserves, a highly literate population as well as the world's fourth largest army. If the West's only intention had been to get rid of Iraq's weapons of Watcn out. It's NATO! mass destruction, it could have surgically removed Saddam Hussein from power at the end of the Gulf War. This \vould have stalled weapon production, or even terminated Iraq's ambitious arms programme. The decision to keep the Iraqi president in power in effect keeps the country alienated and on its knees. This example of NATO's imperialist tactics portrays highly unethical agenda. Recently, NATO has tried to give itself credibility by threatening retaliation against the Yugoslav security forces for committing atrocities against the Albanian population in Kosovo. The atrocities have continued ever since the Kosovo Albanians staged an uprising against Milosevic in March of this year. Why did NATO wait seven months to deliver this threat? Certainly not due to its deep compassion for the suffering of the Kosovo Albanians. The real answer is winter — and refugees. With about 300, 000 Albanian refugees having fled their homes since March, a "humanitarian crisis" is in the making. That means thousands upon thousands of people are preparing to flee Kosovo to Western European countries such as Italy, Germany, or Britain — NATO countries. They will not be able to refuse entry to such a large number of refugees; instead they will be obliged to find shelter, food and jobs for the Kosovo Albanians in their own cities. Such a prospective burden horrifies Western officials and pushes them to resolve the issue by pursuing air strikes. The Kosovo Albanians deserve to return home, but the reason for their return should not be the fact that they will be a burden for Western Europe. President Milosevic has decided to make an advantageous deal with the West that allows him to keep 19,000 police officers in Kosovo, to be monitored by a mere 2,000 OSCE monitors. Many Albanian refugees have said that they are too scared to return to their homes because of the Serb presence. NATO has once again done too little, too late for the people whom it claims to feel concern. The US and UK believed that-they would lose credibility if they did not force Milosevic to pull out or bomb him into submission. However, the nations of NATO have already lost all credibility due to their consistent lack of ethics. 16 There LSESU ELECTIONS-JOIN THE RACES! be elections on 29th October for the following positions... Honorary President Honorary Vice-President Postgraduate Officer Finance Committee (1) Court of Governors (5) Academic Board (2) Accommodation (2) Careers Service (2) Catering Services (4) Inter Halls (1) Investments (1) Library (2) LSE Health Service (3) Nursery (1 student parent) Safety (3) Site Development (2) ULU Council (4) Sam Parham, SU Returning Officer, is contactable for any queries via SU Reception 5-njictenr Heqlrh />qy Thursday 29th October In the Quad from 12pm to 4pm Help and advice available on alcohol & drugs awareness, sexual and general health matters care of friendly people from the Department of Health Promotion List of Michaelmas Nominations THE BEAVER Issue 487 - OCTOBER 26 The referendum; ULU's Views In the interests of objectivity, The Beaver presents ULU opinions on the LSESU's all important referendum. Hon President Lee Ji-Young (Imprisoned South Korean Socialist) John Major (LSE Conservative) Hon Vice-President (1) John Cleese (LSE Liberal Democrats) Richard Branson {LSE Conservative) Court Of Governors (5 places) Nicholas Stoker (LSE Liberal Democrats) Kum Swee Lee (Independent) Chris Schuller (Independent) Tuli Ria Banerji (We stand for you) Gavin Kasbekar (We stand for you) Maria Neophytou (With her finger on the PuLSE) Malik Ahmad (NO PROMISES therefore NO LIES) Joe Roberts (LSE Labour-working for you) Richard George Wignall (LSE Conservative) Jonathan Black (Independent) Fasai Khan (The Reason to Vote!) Site Development Office (2) Adam James Smith (Adam Smith, LSE Liberal Democrats) Richard Wignall (LSE Conservative) James Corbett (LSE Labour-working for you) Yuan Potts (Independent-Putting Students First) Health Service Committee (3) Jonathan Smith (Jon Smith, LSE Liberal Democrats) Swagata Chatterjee (LSE Conservative) (+1 vacancy) Equal Opportunities Officer (Postgraduate Students' Issyg?) (1 position) No Candidates Academic Board (2) Lisa de Sousa Macedo (For greater transparency in examinations) Chris Schuller (Independent) Yuan Potts (Independent-Putting Students First) Nick Wilkins (LSE Conservative) Christine Ann Bayliss (LSE Labour-working for you) Andrew Slight (LSE Liberal Democrats) Inter-Halls Committee (1) Fleur Donnelly-Jackson (LSE Labour-working for you) Jacob John (We stand for you) Jonathan Black (Independent) Michael Christian Blackwell (LSE Conservative) Investments Committee (1) Chris Schuller (Independent) Nick Kirby (LSE Labour-working for you) Antonia Newman (LSE Conservative) Committee on Accommodation ill Ritesh S. Doshi (A new student with new ideas) Jacob Thomas Gittoes (LSE Labour-working for you) Arthur Spelling LSE Conservative) Careers Service Advisory Committee (2) Alistair Dillon (Alistair Dillon, LSE Liberal Democrats) Pekruli Wiebke (LSE Labour-working for you) James A.R. Taylor (LSE Conservative) union Student Poverty: A National disgrace Friday 30th Octot)er NUS National Day of Action on Student Hardship 4/10 students work to support ttiemselves 20% students drop out due to financial tiardstiip Siffi Itie Student Rights Charter... •Free tuition paid by the state •Study free from hardship •Decent affordable accomodation •Learning resources at no extra cost •Complaint and appeal procedures •Study without disaimination or pr^udice •Extra curricular facilities •Childcare provision •Decent wages for safe part time wori< •Well resourced and motivated teaching staff •Information on course requirements . Visit the stall (XI Houghton Street CXI Frid^ and register your (fegust at growing levels of hardship. If you have any suggestions for further action to nnark the day contact Maria in E295 Women's Group Meeting to discuss Women's Handbook Wed 28th Oct 2pm (Women's office - 1st Floor, East building) Writers intrested in contributing to the new handbook should come along. Safetv Committee (2) Michael Christian Blackwell (LSE Conservative) Loretta Marian Reehill (LSE Labour-working for you) Jo Swinson (LSE Liberal Democrats) Library Committee (2) Swagata Chatterjee (LSE Conservative) Claire Tuck (LSE Labour-working for you) Jo Swinson (LSE Liberal Democrats) Catering Services Advisory Committee (4) Adam James Smith (LSE Liberal Democrats) Eve Parish (LSE Labour-working for you) Will P. Whitehead (LSE Labour-working for you) Jacob John (We stand for you) Michael Christian Blackwell (LSE Conservative) Finance Committee (1) Malik Ahmad (NO PROMISES therefore NO LIES) Nick Wilkins (LSE Conservative) Ben Davison (LSE Labour-working for you) Andrew Slight (LSE Liberal Democrats) ULU Council (4) Maria Neophytou (Campaigning to raise student staff wages) Murad Gassanov (LSE Labour-working for you) Peter Taylor (LSE Labour-working for you) Alexandra Hartley (LSE Conservative) Jonathan Smith (Jon Smith, LSE Liberal Democrats) ULU President, Malt Hyde This year, LSE's contribution to ULU is over £70,000. However, HEFCE (the government body that pays for all University activities) dictates that only £27,750 of this is open to negotiation. In fact, four years ago, LSE Students' Union worked out a rolling deal with ULU that means that it gets a discount of £11,377 this year. So the figure that everyoneis talking about is just £16,373. What would happen if LSE Students' Union decided to withhold payment and drop out? LSE sports teams would be left on their own. LSE teams would be unable to compete with teams from other UL colleges in ULU's leagues and cup competiotions. LSE would be left without a voice in ULU's London-wide political arena. LSE students would be excluded from using ULU's excellent recreational facilities (just under a quarter of all ULU's swimming pool and fitness centre users are LSE students). Has LSE Students' Union worked out an alternative? An alternative to ULU's leagues and cup competitions would be interesting; how many other teams would join in? An alternative political arena; who would listen? An alternative to ULU's recreational facilities?; who'd pay and where would you put them? Could LSE really do all this for an extra £16, 373? The chances of LSE letting the Union keep the £16,373 are pretty slim. In a classic piece of non-comment, the College authorities said they 'would be prepared to negotiate'. Hardly a cast-iron assurance. LSE Students' Union has criticised ULU for being 'impotent' as a representative body. Just for the record, this is the same ULU that spent the best part of two years negotiating with London Transport to push them into launching the student discount scheme this year. This is likely to realise savings of £400,000 for LSE students this year. ULU's now set its sights on extending the deal to •mature students. ULU exists to make life better for UL students - having done exactly that, it's hard to take such criticisms seriously. Anyone wanting to get involved with the campaign to keep LSE in ULU should email general@ulu.ucl.ac.uk or phone 0171 664 2001 ULU Sabbaticals How a YES vote will effect you in the referendum: The only response that ULU could make to a referendum decision to pull out of ULU funding would be to cut services to LSE students. Sports and societies are the way most LSE students participate in ULU activities. 8 ways Sport will be effected at LSE if you vote YES in the LSE referendum: No ULU intercollegiate league and cup competition for any LSE sports club. No participation in ULU clubs and societies for any LSE students. Potentially no LSE participation in student leagues in the southern area. No ULU support for your clubs and for your sports administration. Reducing the range of sporting competition throughout London. No use of the ULU Boat House. No right of access to ULU's recreational facilities: swimming pool, gym, weights, aerobics, etc. Losing contact with ULU's 40-year history of successfully providing sporting competition, administration and support for ULU students. Clubs and Societies offered by ULU, not by LSE (according to LSE SU's web pages) Canoe Polo, Cross Country, Fencing, Golf, Gymnastics, Korfball, Lacrosse (men and women). Orienteering, Polo, Rifle (full and small bore), Sailing, Swimming, Ten Pin Bowling, Volley ball. Water Polo (men and women). Windsurfing, Arabic Literature, Ballroom and Latin Dancing, Caving, Chamber Choir, Chorus, Indian Dance, Krishna, Labour Students, Life Saving, Marxist, Methodist, Mountaineering, Opera, Symphony Orchestra, Shaolin Nam-Pai-Chuan, Starfleet Academy ("Oh. that's cool"- sarcastic Ed) Points you might like to consider: Last year LSE made up nearly half of all users of ULU's Works (multigym)- more than students from UCL, SOAS, Kings and Birkbeck put together. Last year more LSE students used the swimming pool than any other college apart from UCL. LSE students clearly gain from ULU's sports to the extent that they use ULUis sports shop, Proactive, more than any other college apart from UCL. ULU believes NO is the only response to this referendum. THE BEAVER OCTOBER 26 - Issue 487 union 17 The ULU Referendum Debate In one of the most important issues to face tlie LSESU, the Sabbaticals have their say... General Secretary, Narius Aga The reason we have put this issue in the public domain is simple. Rumblings of discontent have been going on among LSE students for quite a while and it is time the students of LSE decided their own future, rather than having to honour econtractsi signed by sabbaticals three years ago. The basic argument for leaving ULU is simple : it lacks a democratic structure and is run by its ^taff, not student sabbaticals. The Union Council is a farce attempting to give legitimacy to an institution which wants to pass off as a body representing students. Article 14.1 of the Constitution clearly states "each amendment shall be subject to the approval of the Council of the University of London". Imagine each change we make in our UGMs having to go to the LSE Administration and you realise how hollow the structure is. In any other SU in the country, all staff is responsible to the sabbaticals, in ULU they get hired by and report to the University administration, that is not my idea of a body run by students! ULU was not intended to be an organisation providing commercial and sporting services. Sadly, that is what it has been reduced to. It is totally impotent as an organisation lobbying on behalf of London students (NB However much they harp on about it, the London "On the tuition fees issue they merely paid lip-service," Transport discount deal was negotiated by Matt Hyde when President of the QMW SU and happened to fall in place just as he took over as ULU President). ULU cannot legitimately claim to represent London students, as it shuts its doors to half of them. On the tuition fees issue, they merely paid lip-service, there is no other issue which springs to my mind on which theyive lobbied or campaigned for in the recent past. The financial cost, though not the predominant factor, is a major one. ULU receives affiliation fees in excess of £70,000 from the LSE, roughly half of which comes from HEFCE (the Higher Education Funding Council for England). For the rest of the amount, paid on our behalf by the School, to come directly to the Students! Union is what weill be seeking to achieve, in order to ensure that the money goes into better services which all LSE students can access on site. The other two provisions in the referendum will both be strenuously upheld. London students need a body to further their issues and interests. NUS Areas are very active in other parts of the country, it is my firm belief that the reason why NUS London Area is dormant is because the leading colleges leave it to ULU to campaign on their behalf and that is clearly not happening. If NUS London Area cannot be revived, a new body can be instituted in its place. Many other colleges have been discussing withdrawal from ULU in the past couple of years, one of the leading ones has just confirmed that they are seriously considering withdrawal in the very near future and the announcement of our referendum has strengthened their resolve. LSE is by no means alone on this. Other sports leagues can also be joined. City, Birkbeck and Southbank Universities belong to leagues, donit they? They are very much part of London and ULUis claim that LSE sports teams will be left out is all hogwash. We understand that certain sports and societies will be left out, but is it really worth it for the amount thatis paid? I for one, do not think so. "LSE is by no means alone on this." Ultimately, it is your decision but I would urge you to consider all the arguments outlined above carefully before you make your decision. ULU is trying to play on whatever few commercial services it offers, in the knowledge that that is indeed all that they offer. But if we need a London wide body to represent our interests, then withdrawal from ULU is the way forward! Ents sabbatical. Jasper Ward The decision to hold the referendum was not one that was taken lightly and undoubtedly this is an Issue of great importance. However, it is one that certainly needs to be addressed. The LSESU is currently tied to a five-year contract with ULU and the cost of affiliation is in excess of £70,000 every year. This is a considerable outlay, half of which is paid by the school on the unionis behalf, and as the murmurs of discontent with ULU have grown to a crescendo, a decision on the LSESUis future in ULU must be taken before the students of the LSE finds themselves unwittingly signed-up for a further five years. In my eyes the future of the LSESU lies away from ULU for a variety of reasons. ULU purports to represent the students of the London colleges. My opinion, in sharp contrast, is the existence of a separate union for a few prestigious colleges has denied us the unity and the numerical weight of the entire student body of the capital, numbering around half a million students. During the fight against tuition fees not only did ULU fail to come up with an effective strategy for itis own members, but the potential power of the capitalis student body was seriously fragmented. Secondly, ULU is a virtual stranger to all but a small minority of students at the school, the sabbatical officers are virtually anonymous on our campus and the electoral system is totally unrepresentative of the interests of the student body, to the extent that any sabbatical at a London college could probably "stitch-up" an office through networking with other sabbaticals. It is also clear that many of the services that LSESU offers are replicated at ULU; and so I find the idea that we subsidise ULU services; firstly, to compete with our own and secondly, to act as a "The future of the LSESU lies away from ULU," playground for UCL students, whose use of the ULU facilities outweighs our own to such a degree it appears to be a surrogate UCL Union, utterly bewildering. Finally, in terms of the financial considerations of disaffiliation, it seems preposterous that in response to a resounding "YES" vote to disaffiliate, the school will deny the union the funds previously allocated for affiliation to ULU. Without doubt this . added revenue would come in more than handy. Just look at the state, for example, of our entertainments facilities, with added income into the union an all-purpose gym could soon become a reality or the Cafe could get its long overdue refurbishment. The possibilities are numerous but cannot be ignored. The time has come for your voice to be heard on the issue. Consider all the arguments on these pages and, above all, use your vote. 1, for one, have decided that enough is enough and will be voting "YES" to disaffiliate from ULU. Ed & Welfare Sabbatical, Maria Neophytou To be quite honest with you, 1 don't really are about this £70,000. I find any sum over a tenner daunting, £1.5 million to re-pave Houghton Street is just beyond my comprehension. Unless it's in the form of a donation to the PuLSE money rarely gets me excited. And to even more honest with you 1 don't care much about the over priced ULU Bar, Shop, Beano...If you choose to live in a free market system then competition is a good thing apparently. Paying someone a vast amount to compete with you is absurd isn't it? Leaving ULU isn't a form of protectionism on our part, you can still drink in the Tuns or at UCL, shop at the SU Shop, spend Friday night at the Crush or at the Astoria anyway. You can go to any ULU college and even ULU gigs irrespective of whether LSE stays in ULU. But as 1 said before, these issues don't move me. However, if 1 felt that leaving ULU diminished LSE students' welfare in any way I would oppose it. The reasons why 1 did initially oppose this initiative had nothing to do with where £70,000 went or whether LSE should be able to pay Royal llolloway at rugby ever again. I felt and still do feel, that for LSE to march out of ULU and be left with no form of London-wide representation and no means of Cooperation with other London colleges on matters of mutual concern, for the sake of £70,000, to be misguided. So this is my take on the issue: Nearly half of Britain's students study in Greater London. Living costs in London are twice as high as almost everywhere else in the UK. There are a plethora of other issues which affect London students; getting a fair deal on all London Transport for all students, the award of a London grant or subsidy, ensuring that Black and Asian students don't feel intimidated by the Metropolitan Police or fear the same fate as Stephen Lawrence, are just a few which spring to mind. The job of any student's union, first and foremost, is representation, and to get the best possible deal for students in every respect. No matter how great our events are, they are of no use if students are too skint to go, or have no safe and affordable means of getting home. From next year, we are getting a London Parliament and a London Mayor, it is imperative that we have a powerful student body in London to lobby it on these issues. One that incorporates all London students not just a select few. One with a proper democratic structure where students can express their views and expect the appropriate action to be taken. Unfortunately ULU is not this body. It never opened its doors to other universities in London, maintaining elitism and failing to acknowledge that strength can be found in unity. Despite differences on the contrary, ULU is not run by students, its Sabs can neither hire nor fire the administrative staff and motions passed at ULU Council have no guarantee of being implemented. A motion was passed twice by ULU Council last year calling for student casual wages to be raised from their near exploitative levels. Despite ULU's £2million reserves we were fobbed off with excuses about dire financial implications as the motion perished in a bureaucratic quagmire. We'll see how far it gets when I resubmit it next term. Unless ULU shows a willingness and ability to reform then the only solution for students in London is for ULU colleges to pull out one by one and reform as a truly London Wide Students Union. LSE's disaffiliation should trigger this process, and that is why, despite my reservations, I will be voting yes in the referendum. 18 THE BEAVER Issue 487 - OCTOBER 26 Ever felt something •• ^ — ••• ceuld be dene betterP What did yoH do about itP Nothing? Or did you do sometiiing to get it done better? If you actually did something, and you're graduating in 1999, you could be exactly what we're looking for. We need students to apply for our Christmas courses this year. The kind of students who don't just study, but also get involved in things and really make a difference. We're Procter & Gamble. We make, market and sell over 3CK) world-famous brands including Hugo Boss, Pringles, Pantene, Pampers, Ariel and Oil of Ulay. Making things better is vital to our business. With Pampers, we introduced the world to the disposable nappy, leading to drier, happier babies everywhere. (And fewer faces like the one above.) More recently, we have had tremendous success with the launch of Sunny Delight. We have been one of the wortd's most successful businesses for over a hundred years. But the continuation of that success depends on one thing: the quality of our people. Which brings us back to you. To succeed at P&G you'll need to have certain characteristics. Thinking skilb. Creativity, The ability to work with others. And, most importantly, you'll be the kind of person who recognises ways to improve things, then has the drive and leadership to make those imprwements reaL We don't expect you to know all about business - we offer some of the best training in the world - but you need to have done things that pixjve your potential. Thafs because we'll give you immediate responsibility. You won't be making coffee or just churning charts. You'll get real, live projects, and the chance to influence things - even revolutionise them, if your pUins are convincing enough. If you are looking for a challenging career which really allows you to break the boundaries then pick up an application form now. We inform all our Christmas course students within a few days if they have a full-time job offer - what a great present! You could start 1999 in the knowledge tiiat you've secured a place with a company that's one of the most admired in the world. We only recruit at graduate level and run courses across Brand Management, Customer Business Oevelopmerrt, Product Supply Management, Financial Management, Management Systems, and Research and Development. The Christmas Course programme is an ideal way for you to find out more about the company and ifs people. YourfliststepP Our (teacttfeie for appKcations is 30th Ocl!crf>er 199a If you thfcik you fit the bfU, we to ti^1h>m you noi/tL Call CHir recrurtmeit hctiine on 0800 056 5258 or cx>me alicmg to the P8£ anporate pres«itati(»i at the WaldcNf Hotel m 13th Octdier 1998 at 7pm. i Procter&Gcunble Christmas Courses 1998 ^|(^Sproad iMrwttis THE BEAVER OCTOBER 26 - Issue 487 sport 19 GET YOUR SHUTTLECOCKS OUT FOR THE LADS! Federman hits the bottle as it all becomes too much , LSE Ut 3 - 6 Kings Isl ¦ | : - Lee Fedcrman Reporte - i : All hell broke loose last Wednesday evening at Elephant and Castle after the quality badminton of Federman, the Ginger Magician, and his psychoanalyst Suhail Shaikh (and Vac) again bore no riches for the Bad Boys of the LSE establishment. It was not even a case that the amateurs from Strand poly were worthy of their victory; they were not. As if rejections by Anglia Poly and East London University were not enough, the slimy HND students found their passes at the LSE girls team rejected out of the stadium. On their arrival, hard-core pornographer and undercover gimp, P.K. Toh apologised for coming late although the female supporters didn't seem so bothered. He shuffled in his pocket for a shuttlecock yet as usual he found nothing to play with. As the battles commenced, "Deadly" Denis Wright, known these days only as The Triple Hard Bastard seemed to have his mind elsewhere. As he contemplated new manoeuvres to try on one of his girlfriends, he assumed the 69 position with his partner and love beast P.K. Toh. Underwear scattered the court as a herd of mesmerised, young trampolinists watched avidly courtside. Federman was appalled by this behaviour and approached the twosome to show them how extra exhilaration could be enjoyed. Elsewhere on court 2, Hokee "Cokey" Fu, a hardened East End gangster and Jeremy "Bentham" Young, his getaway driver, were playing like pansies. Their delicate underarm sliced drop shots proved fruitless against each of their atrociously attired and personality lacking opponents. Onlookers were stunned as Okee played a rare winner and then proceeded to do the hokey cokey and turn around, knees bent, arms stretched, rah, rah, rah. Meanwhile Bentham lectured the audience on the utilitarian uses of a badminton racket. Disgraceful. It was therefore left to the Hard-core Ginger Warrior and his tag team partner Super Shaikh the Samurai Warrior to tear apart the soon to be dethroned Kings. Power slams had taken their toll on Kings as Shaikh climbed the top rope to deliver a match winning flying elbow into the throat section of Ivor Stiffy, the dazed Strand Poly tosser. Federman and Shaikh had shown nothing but class throughout the entire game and in despite of Toh's timely interruption with a metal chair to knock out the referee, their 100% record remained in tact. After the game, as Denis and P.K. hurried off to the showers, Federman gave a much needed team talk. "You're all crap," he blurted as if to instil some confidence in his troops. With this task once again a dismal failure, he cracked open a bottle of celebratory champers' and continued, "but I'm pretty good and that's all that matters so let's go out and get slaughtered, Gazza style. tS£1$t>!l/7-g3S««y1sS.XV . i WiBSton Eayis Reports , : LSE rugby started the new season with a wave of enthusiasm as Freasher's Fair saw an influx of new talent. However, it doesn't matter how much effort and application you put into a team if the DM Boot of Lunch decide? to kick you in the chops. (What the fuck!?!? -ed) Over the last two weeks not only have we lost two crucial games, but several key players to injury. The future looks glum for Fat Bob and his minions. However, every dodgy bird has a redeeming feature, and a few of the youngsters have a lot of potential. Andy "ginger beard" Macfalare and his chum Big "but not cos' he's tall" Ernie have both shone in the pack. And it's nice to see that the new lads in the front row can take their beer like little bitches. And what about Stumpy Elliot - short, fat, ugly but at least he can play.....with himself usually. (Yes, but what about the game?! -ed) Girls, watch out. Doug "Anal Rapist" Clarke returned from SA yesterday and met partner-in-crime Oscar "gimp" Kent in the showers. The soap was rarely off the floor. These two, coupled with Nick "no hair left" the Hair (What the fuck?!? -ed) made the Tuns on Wednesday a highly dangerous place for anyone with a hole. Father Abraham is glowing with pride in his ethereal palace, and he'll be coming to a place near you. And so to Limelights for more revelry and debauchery. (Yes, but what about the game!?!?!?!?! - ed). Writers Wanted Hunky sports eds require birds (or blokes) for sporting activities. GSOH (Good set of hooters) and some writing ability are preferable, although not a necessity. Likes; fine food, fine wine, Netball Girl. Dislikes: general lack of reporting contibution. V I Wednesday 21st October Football King's 1st XI V LSE 1st XI 0-2 King's 2nd XI V LSE 2nd XI 3-0 ti . : King's 3rd XI V LSE 3tdXI 3-0 v*-" >4.-^4 ' , a " ^ ^ Kings's 4th XI V LSE 4th XI 4-1 ^gby Surrey 1st XV V LSE 1st XV 7-53 Surrey 2nd XV V LSE 2nd XI 0-24 King's 1st V LSE 1st 6-3 King's Women's 1st V LSE Women's 1st 6-3 f^etball Wye Women's 1st V LSE Women's 1st 25-25 Hockey LSE 1st V King's 1st 1-4 Squash LSE 1st V King's 1st 4-1 LSE Women's 1st V King's Women's 1st 1-2 VoUeyball King's 1st V LSE 1st 0-3 King's Women's 1st V LSE Women's 1st 2-0 Basketball King's Women's 1st V LSE Women's 1st 47-31 Golf King's 1st V LSE 1st 3-3 1 Saturday 19th October Basketball Imperial 1st V LSE 1st 71-58 Imperial Women's Is V LSE Women's 1st 23-27 Volleybiall Imperial Women's Is V LSE Women's 1st 3-2 As 1 sat on the edge of my bed; cold, harsh moonlight filtered through the cracked window, illuminating tobacco stained, wood chip wall paper. The life of the PI is a lonely one. It seemed the world was on my shoulders. The way the postman never quite manages to squeeze the letters right through the box, the way the milkman always wakes me with the tuneful ting of his bottles, the way my mother used to rape me whilst wearing her favourite drawers and gimp mask. Removing the rabbit from my penis, I finished the half bottle of JD that had occupied the last 15 minutes of my miserable life. Who is this 'Netball Girl'? The question span round and round my mind. Where would you find a netball girl with big tits? 1 decided to think logically. A netball court. a brasserie shop, my mothers. 1 was getting nowhere fast. 1 swagger in to Limelights and order my usual. As the residue that always haunts my shot of gasoline slipped down my throat, Luigi the bartender gave me the nod. A tip-off. Being a Private Investigator is all about connections. A minute later and the local netball court provides the first clue. A single silicon implant. Could Netball Girl be some unnatural fiend? What of the missing Breast? Can you feasibly walk down Oxford Street with one breast sizeably bigger than the other? These and other questions answered in next weeks thrilling edition of Tracy Bullet investigates... Netball Girl: Hardcore CANT PLAY RUGBY, CANT WRITE REPORTS! Rugby Boys inane babble fails to justify performance BEAVER SPORT THE BEAVER issi;r'48/'-:'J0yhMB[ ri ?¦ 1st XI Claim Victory..... 1st XI Claim Victory..... 1stXI Claim Victory..... 1st XI Claim Victory..... \ VICTORY! Set Piece Wizardry Hands LSE First Victory Of Season. Churchill Salutes Victory Outside The Tuns (Earlier Today) LSE I8t » 2 - 0 KCL 1sl Xf ..... Firv«ntni Repoiis LSE Ists finally broke their run of 270mins without a goal, as they stormed to a two goal victory over a floundering Strand Poly outfit. Two impressive headers from the talismatic Goodman and recently instated Francois, ensured a victory in the Ists second BUSA matchup. The game started shakily as Kings piled on the early pressure, requiring safe hands from the big Norwegian. Such was his authoritative manner that at one point the game was stopped as it seemed he might utter his first words. However, he saved it for the 'Limelight lovelies' after consuming "at least three half pints of bitter". He was later to comment "Is it true Rob Allen and Sofia are involved in a highly passionate, illicit sexual affair?" Leading by example, Mandi left the field of play after one half, obviously eager to join skipper Kev and hold hands on the sidelines. However, with Venini (who incidentally, is not a paedophile, but prefers much, much older victims) and Cole making space for midfield runners (or doing nothing, as the case may be), goals were finally on the agenda. Indeed, both goals came from set pieces. Naders first flighted delivery was met by 'Goals Goodman'. As Venini searched for the nearest childrens playground, Goodman stole in behind the confused Strand Poly defence and bagged his first of the season. 7th team reject Goodman put in a sterling performance, even completing a pass in the second half. A move that almost prompted Morton to speak. Almost. The second half saw eight offside decisions go against Venini, although in his defence, the shadow cast by sidelined Mandi was making visibility difficult. This proved no problem for the Giant Francoise, scoring on his first 1st team appearance this year. Nader again was the man providing the ammunition, his cross met powerfully to secure the game in LSE's favour. The floodgates were never likely to open though, and as legs tired the presence of Mason (relegated to the bench due to lack of commitment) and Hew (who's far too Welsh and badly groomed to secure a place in the first eleven) was a welcome one. The customary Limelight celebrations followed, and as the real men got plastered and drooled over beautiful women, Rob Allen and Sofia were left to argue over who would pick up the soap.....and the boots, the shinpads, the kit..... Next Week; Venini runs riot in a graveyard. BeaverSports apology BeaverSports offer forth an unequivical, most sincere apology to Devna Vora for the reference to male genetalia in last weeks issue. In retrospect, this was at best insensitive, and at worst offensive. Certainly not funny. We hope no long term damage has been done. Goal Keepers Wanted For all LSE teams. Contant Goodman on 0181 348 0421 or 07957 214 411 This Week's Epic instalment of Sportswdrd. Can anyone actually be arsed to bring the answers to Matt or Skip? A pint is in the offing! 2. First football team to win the Double (7) 4. German winner of the Golden Boot (4,6) 7. Team which supplied the most England players in a single match (7) 9. England's top scorer of alt time (5,8) 11. Number of founder teams of the Football League (6) 13. Fonner name of Southampton FC (2.5,4) 15. First Argentinian player in the old First Division (8) 16. Will Jason Lee ever play top-flight footisall again? (2) 1. Pie-eating Scottish manager (5) 3. FA Cup winners (7) 4. *98 Auto Windscreens Shield Winners (6,4) 5. Sunderland manager (4) 6. — Cascarino, moved to Marseilles from Manchester City (4) 8. Second Division play-ofP losers (11) 10, Oxford United's nickname (5) 12. Netball Girl's most distinguishing feature (4) 14. De Boer twins' unhappy home (4)