Xh© B©3.v©r
The Students' Union Newspaper of the London School of Economics
Societies in Cash !! Quarrel
December 7th 1992
Several
societies were in uproar last week as the year s budget was pubished ^by Jon Spurling and the Finance and Services committee.
News leaked out early that the Islamic Society's budget had been slashed from 850 to 600, and the Pakistan and Jewish Societies' from 700 to 385 and 350 respectively. Smaller reductions occurred in many others including the Hellenic, Amnesty, Chinese, Friends of Palestine and Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual societies. Those benefiting from ah increase included the Eastern Vision Forum, Grimshaw, Cypriot and Drama societies.
It soon became clear that those loosing out intended to challenge the decision. The Islamic Society found their situation "simply unacceptable" and were upset at the appeal process which is based around claiming money from other societies' budgets, a process they feared would lead to "enmity and resentment, not to mention conflict," with the societies concerned. This did not prevent them proposing amendments to the budget at the UGM to transfer 100 from the Drama Society, 40 from the Jazz society and 150 from the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Society to the Islamic Society.
The UGM itself quickly
By Ralph Wilde
degenerated into angry confused frustration. Insufficient copies of the budget were circulated leadingto a farcical situation where great swathes of the budget were put up for ratification despite th e vast majority of people not knowing or understanding what they were ratifying.
Various factions tried to use amendments to the budget to achieve everything from censure to extra funds for their own societies.
Amendment 1 proposed the transfer of 2000 from the Beaver budget as a means of cen sure for what the proposers, the DSG, regarded as bias and lack of standards on the part of the editors, as well as saving money that would otherwise be spenton parties. The Beaver editor, Neil Andrews, argued that this move would lead to a reduction in the number of pages and thus a cut in the number of sections, suggesting that if people were concerned with the content of the paper then they should write for it themselves. The amendment was defeated.
As the budget moved to the Societies section, it became clear that many people wanted to see changes. The Anti-Nazi League were deprived of their entire budget on the grounds that they are a front for the Socialist Worker Society, and the money went to Amnesty, despite claims that Amnesty, however worthy a cause, does not actually
use all of its generous budget and was being greedy.
Throughout the week, criticisms were voiced about the way the budget was put together by Jon Spurling, the Finance and Services Officer. The oth er th ree Sabbati cal s all voiced concern that the entire process was shrouded in secrecy, with no-one really knowing whatwasgoingon. Fazile Zahir, the General Secretary, complained that the Executive were not consulted, and Peter Harris, Welfare and Equal Opportunities officer, pointed out that he wasn't even invited to the meetings that decided the welfare budget.
At the UGM it was revealed that money was tran sferred fr om th e cam-paigns budget to the Women's officer without other interested parties ont the Exec, such as the Postgraduate officer and the Overseas Students officer, being consulted. Spurling defended himself, saying that the officers were not available at the time of the decision in the summer vacation. Sara Collins pointed out that this was hardly surprising in her case given that she is Overseas Students Officer.
The debate will continue at this Thursday's UGM as societies vie with each other for a larger slice of the budget and embattled Spurling faces the impossible task of pleasing everyone.

Issue 369


» 0 'e


(5
James T. Brown, the Beaver's Financial director, looking unpeturbed as The Beaver secured its budget after a rousing speech by Mr. Andrews. PHOTO: T. Moos
OBITUARY; AMANDEEP SINGH GILL.
Amandeep Singh Gill, better known as Ami, died in his sleep on Thursday 19November. Hehad contracted mengingitis. The 18 year old B.Sc. Econom-
ics major from Birmingham was a resident at Carr-Saunders Hall.
Ami, a true all-rounder, will be greatly missed by all who knew him. Akind
hearted person who always put the happiness of those around him before his own, was described by his friends as, "Gentle, Goodhearted, Generous, Genuine, Gill."
He will be remembered by those wholivedaround him as always making an effort to help, never having a frown on his face and occasionally running
around his halls of residence with water pistols in his hands.
According to Neeraj Bhardwaj and Navdeep Dhaliwal, two close friends, " Ami was very shy when he first came to the L.S.E., butduringthe first weeks of term he opened up a great deal and made his presence felt to all those around him."
Amandeep enjoyed playing many sports but his greatest love was football. He also enjoyed go-ingto concerts and to clubs with his friends.
Our thoughts and deepest condolences go out to Amandeep's family and close friends.
Radhika Seth Indian Society.
2 News
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
TT •y •
Union Jack
First Jack will tell you what happened at Thursday's An	Meeting and then what he thinks 6f it.
After Peter Harris doomed challenge to the Ghair; we did ratify Finance and Service Officer Jon Sparling's report and his submissions for the intro conference, printing services, financial and general overheads, welfare and publications. We rejected his submissions on staff costs, external jaffairs, entertainments and committees.
As for societies, we stripped the Anti-Nazi League of all of its budget with a quick transfer to Amnesty International and defended the Meateaters Society against a raid by Steve Peake and the Animal Rights Society, but we closed the meeting with three more amendments and the final vote on this section pending until next week. Also, the challenge by Michael McGrath and Gavin Blackburn to take 2000 from The Beaver failed after our editor asked how taking money from the paper could improve its quality. That's what happened.
This ABM must be the one of the saddest union meetings Jack has ever attended. This wasn't a circus, a tent meeting or a football game. It was an unhappy shambles, a pure farce, totally lacking in focus. Perhaps one of the circles of Dante's Inferno, it was neither Oz nor Kansas. If it was Star Trek, the Romulans won and the Enterprise is scattered to its constituent atoms across barren space. If it was Cheers, the bar has closed and will be sold to a property developer.
Jack has never seen one, let alone four, budget sections fail to be ratified. Four people asked why 4534 of Societies money was not allocated, but nobody asked about the overall projected deficit of 19966. Society allocations were down by atleast 100 for Amnesty, Chinese, European, Friends of Palestine, Islamic, Japan, Jewish, and Pakistan. The Islamic Socicty wants to take money from Drama, Jazz and Lesbian, Gay and Bi-Sexual Societies and the Lawyers want money from the Afro-Caribbean, Chinese, Drama and Friends of Palestine. Debating, with an increase of 165 over last year s expenditure and a profound i^orance of amendment procedure, sti 11 want more moneys Thus, many peopie wentimto the meeting unhappy and veiling to vote agairiSt anything.
Jon Spurling must take most of the blame. ChaiJ* Simon Reid must also take his due share^yotea were announced only by: page number. With only 150 budgets printed and the overhead projector inadequate as always, some people voted against only because they didn'tknow what they could have been voting for. Others were voting against out of spite.
Jon could have made the customary short speeches before each section, describing more fully what is undet each heading^ He could have sti'ongly u^rged th e passage of th staff costs appropriation, which covers paying our professioiiiat finance and administration staff. Not one mention of NUS before Voting on external affairs, so we helped the Tories under-^ mine our own national union. Not one mention that the Ents budget is already blown, so we might as well ratify it. And no real attempt to defend his committees budget, despite moremoney for equal opportunities and women. And he shMld have carefully explained the principles under which society budgets are decided. Size ofmembership is only one criterion.
Jack can only speculate, Jon Spurling is a nice fellow who seems to be a little lazy. Was this budget sohaphazardly prepared that he didn't care whether it piassed or not? Or did he assume passage would be near-automatic?' Perhaips he figures if any sabbatical is due for the chop, it must be Crash Bradburn. Faz seems unpopular and Peter; defenceless. So need Spurli ng worry aboutjob security? Unless the conclusion of the ABM nextweek is any better, Jack thinks
so,;
Davies speaks on Economy
By
Max Stoertebecker Cartellieri
Gavyn Davies, a former eco nomic advisor to the UK government and now one of the most respected economists in hte City, delivered a speech on "UK Economic Policy Outside the ERM" in the New Theatre on Monday. Speaking to a large audience, Mr Davies provided a clear and unemotional analysis of the recent events whithin the ERM, and of the implications of sterling's exit from the ERM for economic policy in the UK.
Accordingto Mr Davies, fundamental factors such as money growth and trade flows do not explain th e parti al break-up of th e ERM in September, and the volatility experienced ever since. Instead, the reason lies with the markets' recognition that real interest rates had to come down in some of the weaker ERM member countries, given the prospects of severe economic contraction that resulted from the combination of the Bundesbank's policy
of tight money and the refusal by the governments of weaker countries to ease their financial stance. The need for realignment of exchange rates was aggravated by the difference in speed with which members have moved into recession, with Germany's economy still benefiting from its post-unification boom.
Mr Davies expects the currency turmoils to continue until the economies remaining in the ERM converge. Until that occurs, there is danger that the Bundesbank's focus on its domestic low-inflation target- which is laid down in its constitution and hence unlikely to be relaxed in favour of a policy taking into account the needs of other European economies - will cause further currencies to become targets of speculative attacks, notably the French Franc. However, a rapid transition to monetary union in order to avoid the danger of speculative attacks is unlikely, given the lack of convergence
among the economies and political realities.
Regarding the possibility for sterling to rejoin the ERM, Mr Davies pointed out that the condition for doing so are now much lessfavourablethan in the late '80s. Firstly, the credibility gain associated with entry into the ERM is much less now than it was the first time round. Secondly, the system itself has suffered from recent events, and so re-entry is less worthwhile than it was in the late 1980s. Hence any commitment to the ERM would be premature at present. Instead, the UK is likely to experience a period of increasingly domestically-oriented policies; meeting the convergence criteria for the EMU will at best be a by-product.
The effects of the exit from the ERM on the UK economy are mixed. Since September, the UK economy has been subjected to a policy shock consisting of a 3% fall in interest rates and a de-
Labour Blues on Maastricht
Peter Harrad on Austin Mitchell's talk to the Fabian society and Labour and Maastricht
Monetary Union in Europe would be disastrous for Britain, a leading MP has claimed in a speech at the School last week. Austin Mitchell, the noted Labour politician and broadcaster was speaking at the invitation of LSE Fabian Society on the future of Maastricht.
Hebegan by notingthat his views were "out of line with the Labour Party...apparently out of line with the world". He described how the rightwards shiftby Labour had turned him into a left-winger without any change in his views. He later lamented that Labour's support for Europe
was solely as a reaction to Mrs. Thatcher, and blamed them for the success of Maastricht.
Britain was in severe decline according to Mitchell. The rest of Europe was producing more with less workers, whereas Britain was producing the same with far less workers; this represented a serious decline in Britain's manufactur-ingbase. Domestic expansion because of Maastricht, under this interpretation, would h elp importers as much as importers. In addition, an increasing share of British exports were originally part-finished imports - the
so-called "screwdriver" approach.
This said, European unity was inevitable; it was worrying nevertheless that efforts were only devoted to monetary union and not to building institutions. Monetary union inevitably led to political union, and this was particularly useful if consent couldn't be obtained for unity from the electorates ofthe member countries.
As for the future, Mitchell feared that Britain's weaker economy would be "ripped apart" by the stronger economies of Germany and France. It had already been calculated that the EC would have to redistribute 7.5% of Europe's GDP to prevent this, more if defence was integrated as well. Nevertheless, Britain would join, opt-out clause or no. There would simply be too much pressure from the city to join; the only future left for the U.K. would be as a staging post for Japan to import into the rest of Europe.
valuation of about 15%. Although this represents a sizeable monetary easing, the current path of the economy is still fiat or even slightly negative. The devaluation does not suffice to bring UK competitiveness back to its pre-1980s level. More importantly , outside the ERM it is much less plausible to finance an external deficit because the forces leading towards improved competitiveness and hence external balance are much weaker.
According to macro-models ofthe economy, the validity of which Mr Davies seriously questions, the combined impact of lower interest rates and devaluation will be an increase in 1% in real GDP growth in 1993-1994, additional inflation of2-3.7%in 1993-95, and a worsening of the Public Sector Borrowing Requirement (PSBR) and the competeti veness achieved by the devaluation. However, Mr Davies hopes that these forecasts may be too pessimistic as they ignore the significant gap between actual and potential output caused by the length of the recession, and hence may overestimate the inflationary pressures called forth by devaluation. Instead, he expects that the disinfiationary effects of the recession will be sufficient to offset the effects on inflation caused by devaluation.
If this scenario is correct, Mr Davies recommends a policy of easy money and a tight fiscal stance - the exact opposite of what applied under ERM rules. This, in his view, is the only policy that makes an export-led recovery possible, and later constrains domestic demand and improves the PSBR. If, contrary to expectations, inflation does take off again during the next 12-24 months, Mr Davies concedes that the economic situation of the UK would be very serious indeed, especially because of the problem of rising twin deficits. In any case, Mr Davies stresses that the policy recommendations are pragmatic responses in a second-best world - in the medium term, wh at m atters i s th at the UK improves fundamental factors on the supply side of the economy, .such as education and training.
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
3 News
Are you sitting	Photo Of The
comfortably? Well the
L.S.E staff should be Week
anyway
t
5 ' •
By Phil Gomm
At the recent meeting of the Building Committee, it was announced that as part of the £1,000,000 budget for 92/93, up to £200,000 was to spent on the refurbishment of the 5th floor of the Old Building in the phase III of its refurbishment. In effect this work will concentrate on the Senior Diningroom and Common Room.
The School has already commissioned the architectural firm MacCormac, Jamieson and Pritchard to draw up a possible scheme. This will cost several thousand pounds and will be payable whether the work goes ahead or not. This plan will be presented to the BuildingCommittee early next term.
In addition to this, £93,000 is currently being spent on the 8th floor
of Connaught House, primarily as a result of the move of the Health Service to St Philips. Rob Taylor, the students representative on the committee, expressed concern that "neither of these projects are directly benefiting the needs of LSE students and only help staff, administration and the LSE Foundation."
Commenting on the work, Michael Arthur, LSE Site and Development Officer, emphasised that these proposals for the 5th floor had not ema-natedfromthestaffthem-selves, but were in line with the general improvement of the Old Building and the need "to make space more usable." The other objective listed in Building Committee literature is "to improve facilities in support of activities planned by the
Foundation......in the lead
up to the Centenary."
When pressed as to the stateofplansforimprove-ments to student facilities, Mr Arthur could not give any firm commitments, though he did say that a new 10 year site plan was being drawn up, now that the move to County Hall had finally fallen through.
Student Union General Secretary, Fazile Zahir, felt outraged that such plans were going through especially "at a time when great concern is being shown by students about overcrowding in all aspects of the school and there would appear to be many more deserving homes for the money." This view is backed up by a petition that is currently being compiled by students on Overcrowding and Underfunding.
w

Barbara Mills (Director of Public Prosecutions). Allegedly she walked straight into the job after meeting her predecessor on a street comer.
LSE
UNION SHOP
Not content with offering you excellent value stationary, sports equipment, confectionary, chemist goods & LSE memorabilia all year round
THE UNION SHOP IS PROUD TO PRESENT OUR
YULETIDE COMPETITION
Just exert a small amount of brainpower and decide
•HOW MANY ITEMS OF CLOTHING THE UNION SHOP SELLS PER YEAR WHICH CARRY AN LSE LOGO - NOT INCLUDING
SCARVES & TIES"
Fill in the entry form below & submit it to the Union Shop by 5.00pm on Tuesday 8th December & you could be the lucky winner of
'ATMOSFEAR' - THE VIDEO BOARDGAME
The winner's name will be displayed in the shop from 10.00am on Thursday 10th December - so get guessing. GOOD LUCK!
I think the Union Shop sells a total number of - items of clothing peryear which carry an LSE logo. This number does not include sales of scarves & ties.
Name:
Telephone Number:__

Question Time
To Fazile Zahir, General Secretary
1.) What are the plans : for Union structure next I year concerning sabbatir
I cals ?
; There are no definite [plans for changing the I roles of Sabbaticals next : year. This is the first year I that there have been four I sabbaticals and th e Sch ool i specifically inereased th e; [ Student Union budget to i pay for the Welfare and ; Equal OpportunitiesSab-i batical. I feel it is far too ! early to j udge that four ; sabbaticals is too many. There is the possibility of i empl oyi n g an Entertain ments manager in place of an Ents sabbatical if the School buys the Roy-i alty Theatre ands asks us 1 to co-ordinate and profit jfrom entertainment eventS'held there"
2.) Who decides on the I fijture of the sabbaticalsy ' structure ?
"The proposals would ' take the form of constitu?: i tional amendments which ; would be voted on by the iUGM. Jon Spurling plans; I to submit his proposals 1 next term."
I To Jonny Bradburn,
¦Entertainments and : Societies Officer
I: NoWtJiatyouhavespent all your budget, what do ryou intend to do for the
rest of your term in office?;
The question wasj handed into Jonnyl Bradbums pigeon bole ; but he has hot replied |
To Jon Spurling, Fi- j nance ajtid Services Of-1 .ficer
Howmuch xnoiiey woiild i we save if we got rid of the i Entertainments sabbatir i
eal	I
"If the Entertainments 1 sabbatical resigned in; December we would save : about £4500."
This column has been i established i n the Beaver | Newssection so that stu- j dents can ask questions I to the elected Union offic-r 1 ers.
In this way we hope to j provide a forum for you to j follow up on issues you f are interested in. Union j officers will answer the! questions put to them to i the best of their know!-, edge and the answers can • beregardes as commiting i the Union officer to his/; her statement, -Questions should bei submitted to E197, the; Beaver office, or to the; vNewseditor. The ques-i tions will have to besigned i when h anded in. Th ey are j going to be submittedj anonymously to the Uh-^ i ion officers; Democracyj depends on pai^icipatioriii;| Use your democratic| rights!
4A0B
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
Noise Annoys!
Building work at Rosebery disrupting students
All this term, construction work has been in progress at Rosebery hall. This has meant noise, loss of amenities (the kitchen, dining room, first floor bathroom, second floor kitchen and ladies' toilet) Admittedly, students were warned about the main kitchen and dining room before thay took up residence, but the hall fees have still increased in line with the 8% general rise. Noises were made by students	about
compensation as soon as the first and second floor amenities were lost (this they were only warned about after th ey h ad taken up residence), and when the drilling started to happen on sundays as well as every other day, the hall committee was called to act. Ironically, it was the contractors who made the first move - via the warden, Kurt Klappholz, they asked the committee if they would accept
drilling going on from 8.00am seven days a week. The response to this was obviously not too favourable - at a special meeting, thay decided to propose that work was done from 8.00 monday to friday till later than before, from 9.30 on Saturday, and not at all on sundays, the hours hopefully having been made up by working later on weekdays. It was thought that this would probably be acceptable to the contractors, as evening overtime is cheaper than Sunday work. These propositions were made conditional on a partial hall fees refund given to the students; the figures suggested by the committee were 10% for the third floor and above, and 15% for the first and second floor. Miracle of miracles, the contractors accepted the proposed hours, but the refund issue is still up in the air. Mr. Klappholz promised
to write to the school, informingthemofthehall society's demands, but the feeling among students was that no decision would be made until too late - the students only "bargainingpower'istheir ability to withold their fees - and the fees are usually paid in the first week of term. Therefore, the society decided to have a letter sent by the secretary to all residents of the hall (the great majority of whom were not at the meeting - well done concerned students) asking them to not pay their fees at least till the deadline for doing so, the 22nd	January.
Meanwhile, words were exchanged with Peter Harris - what could the man with the jumpers do for us? Well, he immediately offered to write to the director, or the secretary informing them of the situation, and advising them to meet with the student
representatives, and he also pledged to support the residents in the matter. So now the ball is in the school's court - what will they offer us? most people have said that the requested refund	is
extremely unlikely given the school's current economic climate, but that in itself doesn't make the request unreasonable; the students in Rosebery are paying full fees for "study bedrooms", but study is very hard with the dulcit tones of a pneumatic drill wafting in from right under your window. And surely, even if the students were warned in advance of the loss of the dining room and main kitchen, why had the fees not been proportionally reduced? Or had they...? I think
Room with a view. Room 544 to be exact.
Photo: Neil Andrews
not - Rosebery residents pay approx. £55 a week for a single room, much the same as comparable halls. So what happens next? We, the residents, wait until the school replies, and meanwhile, we compile the data on exactly what was lost when, who was informed of wh at wh en, q uan tify th e loss of available study time into a pounds-and-pence figure (how?), and work out the exact statistics of
how many have to share how little with so many more, etc...Remember, we dealing with a school of Economics, run by a Capitalist. Just as an example of the statistics so far, the number of people sharing a kitchen is (approximately) 27.285 now. Now that must be contravening health and safety regulations....
Chris Longridge
Beaver Christmas Party
December 9th ' 6pm E197
Watch us spend all £8^00 of ottr budget on alcohol. Not!
Tequila at the WAG
December 10th
£4 Members £5 Non-Members
How Spurling Spent his Budget
In order to clear up any confusion, the Beaver Newspaper brings you that all-important breakdown of how John Spurling invested the Union's money for the coming year:
1.	23% ofSpurling's budget went on alcohol and newspapers
2.	25% went to The Beaver for their Christmas/40th Birthday party in E197, on Wednesday starting at 6pm.
3.	5% Went on Fazile Zahir's Faxes to Cyprus and Turkey
4.	15%went to Dr. Alan Sked in accordance with the conditions set by the Treaty of Versailles.
5.	34% was spent on Jim Fagan.
6.	16% was spent between Andy Baly because he's a really nice guy and on Jimmy Trees' meals for the forthcoming week.
7.	10% was allocated to the Women's Group even though they've yet to produce a hit record.
8.	28% went on John Spurling's mortgage and various trips to see Emma Bearcrofl. Probably.
9.	Fuck all was spent on the societies.
So there you have it. The definitive guide to Spurtling's budget. Next week we'll be tellingyou how Johnny Bradburn spent his Ents budget. Who says that the Beavor isn't value for money?
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
5 Campus -
Busy Beaver Returns
Into the Valley...William, it was really nothing...Rosebery Lads!
Yes, it's Christmas time once more. A season of goodwill. A time to laugh any financial worries you may have and spend, spend, spend. Vast quantities of alcohol are consumed and many of you will probably already have woken up in a strange room next to a complete stranger.
LSE was rudely introduced to the season of goodwill by the AU barrel last Friday. As usual, those pissed farts down in the never regions of CI are Market m an aged to disrupt proceedings with their traditional conga around the school but for once the'tables were turned, literally, when following their departure from the scene the Women's Group broke in and trashed the AU offices. Of course, Brownie was there, preparing himself for the mass Karaoke session at Rosebery later in the evening (more of that coming up), so were Fat Zero and Job Spurting, but the Luton Jumper refused to anything to do with the proceedings. Not only did h e refuse to enter Laidler's grotto, Mr Jumper also tried to have five of Laidler's little
helpers removed from his office by dialling 666. Luckily for them, LSE's crack security team failed to respond in time.
Also present were the Tequila Exec, and several members of the Lavender Hill Mob, or should I say the Beaver Collective. Proving there was no love lost between the two, representatives from both sides tried to re-enact scenes from 'Dracula' by biting each others necks until blood began pouring down the neck of certain lady. So impressed by this display of harmony, several members of the rugby team leapt upon both contingents and proceeded to bite back, as it were. Needless to say, all three parties ended up needing a rabies shot.
Fat Zero herself could hardly keep out of the headlines in the past weeks as she adopted all the characteristics of Ethel from 'EastEnders'. Not only did her tights start to wrinkle but she was also heard to cry out "Wh ere's my little Willy?". Now, BB wouldn't like to speculate on what she meant but asking members of the Union whetherornotthey'dseen her Willy does have
certain connotations. She was also seen in the Quad with Sultry Catfood and a certain young man who insisted on snogging one oftheyellow columns that surround the venue. The same young man also picked up Sick Lampost and threw him in the rubbish bin outside of the Union rip-off, erm. Shop. BB was alarmed to hear that the same foursome went out to dinner later that evening. Needless to say, Mr Lampost crashed and burned.
Fresh-face Rosebery lad, Dave Wet-One, has
Karaoke session at the very same hall turned into one drunken orgy by the early hours of Saturday morning. Conspicuous by his absence. Brownie managed to avoid singing "Money's Too Tight To Mention" and other such classics by collapsing in the bedroom of a certain youngbarmaid,onlyto re-emerge the following morning in order to try an d sn eak out th r 0 ugh th e front door. But Brownie was not alone in getting up to wild antics. Inventor of the telephone Graham Bell was seen leaving the
...Brownie managed to avoid singing 'Money's Too Tight To Mention' and other such classicsby collapsing in the bedroom of a certain barmaid...
been playing away from home again. Or to put it another way, playing with the girl next door. Having parted the waves with his wife-to-be, he quickly lost no time in getting a replacement. Cries of "Into the Valley" have echoed around Rosebery ever since.
Speaking of echoes, the
room of a young Scottish lass, who shall remain anonymous, at3am while Sabbatical-wannabe, Ron Vole™, was trying to re-enact his conquest of Toronto by groping a Fresher in front of the whole of Rosebery.
Ch under of the evening went to Barnes Owl herself The girl with the
Mini Rag Day Proves Successful
Last week's mini Rag day, A Glint In The Rag Week's Eye, proved to be a tremendous success, raising just under £300 for the four charities it is supporting this year.
Ofthe events which took place, abseiling down the old building proved once again to be the biggest success, raising the lion's share of the total figure while the screening of'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure' and 'Wayne's World'in theNewTheatre raised over £50, with the rest of the money being raised through bucket
collections in the All-Day Bar and the UGM.
Rag Treasurer Martin Lewis was delighted with the turnout, pointing out that this year's collection has already raised half of last year's total figure of over £600, while Rag Chair Justin Deville stated he was pleased with the way things had gone.
Bad weather had threatened to disrupt proceedings. At around 11pm a light shower promised to postpone the abseiling but this soon cleared up to enable Hans
Gutbrod and Nick Whittingham to set up their equipment. The rest of the day went according to plan despite the odd technical difficulty at the top of the building, ie potential abseilers refusing to jump after seeing how below the ground actually was. Highlights of the day included	Johnny
Bradburn doing it in his boxer-shorts (again!) and Kate Hampton, a member of the Rag committee, leaning out from the edge for fifteen minutes refusing to budge.
curl managed to throw up everywhere except the toilet, despite the vain attempts of our Great Dictator, the Mad Mill wall No-Longer Music Man, and Vic Reeves to carry our young princes in their Arms to the lavatory. ClosebehindMs Barnes-Owl was our very own Sports Editor, Mr Danny Drunkabarrel who managed to spew into his own hands before releasing the entire contents of his stomach over the toilet door of the Fifth Floor.
Martin Stupid managed to dictate proceedings with a bizarre rendition of 'Summer Nights' accompanied by Elton Welsby while LSE 1st Team's golden boys, Jamie Shrubbery and Angus Steakhouse, went completely out of the heads until Shrubbery realised he had to clear up the mess afterwards. Twit ofthe Week was won, however, by Miss America herself,Jeanne Stupid (no relation), whomanaged to break her arm while jumping off a London bus while it was still moving.
With the efforts of the Karate Kid remaining underground, BB has had to look elsewhere to
satisfy his addiction. Enter Kev Spleen, he of the extra-marital affairs, and purveyor of th e 'south -paw'. Following a drinking session at Carr-Saunders, Mr Spleen managed to ruin the harmony in his fiat by knocking out a fellow resident at Butler's Wharf. Not to be outdone, said resident returned the compliment by running out of the room crying. Not to be out-done, Sick Lampost, he of the failed relationships, celebrated his 21st Birthday at Hellfire with some style. Not adverse to a bit of kick-boxing, Lampost went one better than Spleen and managed to knock himself out by drinking too much champagne. On coming round, he walked up to Fat Zero and asked who he was. Definitely a relationship on the cards there.
And so another year draws to a close but rest' assured with the knowledge that Busy Beaver will return next term....

The whole aim of the eventong with raising money, was to highlight nextyear's Rag Week and the charities involved. Last Thursday was only the beginning of the fun. Events to look forward to include the 24 hour Treasure Hunt, the Rag Ball and Blind Date hostedby none other than Dr Alan Sked so keep 'em peeled, as Shaw Taylor used to say.
Some people will do anything to avoid waiting for the lift: Abseiling down the Old Building for Rag Week.
Photo: Thorsten Moos
Our esteemed Campus Editor Jerome Harris has decided to leave the fold in order to concentrate on the more important things in life like trying to get a decent degree. We therefore^hve a vacancy. If you'd like to stand for the position of Campus Editor then write your name down onto a piece of paper together with the proposal of one of our many collective members and hand it into the Editor's tray in Room E197 before the first Friday of next term. Simple, eh?
6 Opinions
The Beaver
s The Beaver, 7th December 1992
Last week's UGM saw the Beaver come under criticism from DSG member Mike McGrath. In his speech to the UGM he attacked what he called the Beaver's lack of quality and proposed that £2000 of our budget be taken away.
Michael is entitled to his opinion. Maybe the Beaver does lack quality, but what we are asking you to do is to define quality. The quality of a newspaper rests with its writers, not it's editorial staff. True, the editors could omit any article that they deem unfit to publish, but that's not why we are here.
As a student newspaper, every student on campus has a right to get involved. What Mike doesn't seem to realise is that the members of the Beaver Collective, whose names you'll see printed below, are the only students at LSE who take the time to write articles. By attacking the quality of the paper you are attacking each one of these people personally. Ifyou continue attackingthem, they'll eventually lose heart and stop writing. If such a thingever happened then both the DSG and the rest of the school will have lost their mouth-piece to complain, protest or simply write about something they enjoyed watching.
Taking away our budget is not the answer to improving the quality of the newspaper. Writing an article for us to publish is.
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Staff: Selman Ahmad, Jamsheda Ahmad, Tom Aubrey, Emma Bearcroft, George Binette, Nigel Boyce, Johnny Bradburn, Matt Claxton, Adam Cleary, Mark Dantos, Sarah Ebner, Sian Evans, John Fenton-Fischer, Tesher Fitzpatrick, Nick Fletcher, Sarah Jane Gibbs, Gavin Gilham, Phillip Gomm, Andrew Graveson, Bob Gross, Madeline Gwyon, Justin Harper, Peter Harrad, Gerard Harris, Becky Hartnup, Rhiannon E. Hordley, Eduardo Jauregui, Toby Johnson, Steve Kinkee, Martin Lewis, Chris LongTidge,StavrosMakris,PernillaMalmfalt, Adrian May, Emmanuel Ohajah, Sarah Owen, David Price, Zaf Rashid, Steven Roy, Bella Sleeman, Ian Staples, Tony Thirulinganathan, Ian Turner, Ron Voce, Dave Whetham, Ralph Wilde, L. A. Wildethorpe, Stuart Wilkes, SukeWolton,FazZahir.
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Post Haste
Letters must be delivered to the editor either by internal mail or hand to room E197 by Thursday, 3pm
I Can See Cleary Now
Dear Beaver,
Between the time when Adam Cleary wrote his stream of consciousness article, denouncing everyone he doesn't like as a fascist, and its publication in the Beaver of 30 November, real fascists killed three people - two women and a ten year-old girl - in a firebomb attack in Germany. Altogether, at the time I am writingthis, sixteen people have been killed in Germany this year as a result of Nazi attacks. It may be more by the time this is published. Andjustin case anyone thinks this is only a problem in Germany, it might be worth pointing out that three people -Ruh al 1 ah Aram esh, Roh it Duggal and Ashiq Hussain -have beenkilled in Britain this year, in racist attacks linked to Nazi activities.
Furthermore, Mr Cleary's hook for starting his rant - that those who objected to his defence of the Asylum Bill were fascists - is somewhat sick considering that the violent activities of the Nazis have been given a respectable cloak by the "refugee crisis". Not only in Britain: it may have missed the attention of readers ofthe Beaver that refugee hostels have borne the brunt of the Nazi attacks in Germany. What have not been so widely reported in the British press are the statements by leading Christian Democratic politicians in Germany th at they "un derstan d th e feelings" of those who attack the hostels. By treating refugees as criminals, the A.sylum Bill is makinga similar sortof statement to British Nazis, thereby half-legitimating their violence.
It seems a pity that, just a couple of weeks after the Students Union held an anti-racism week, the Students Union paper should use up a whole page on Adam Cleary's drivel. This is not to say
that the article is racist, but by misusing the word "fascism" it creates a smokescreen that racists and fascists can hide behind. Real fascists do exist, and they do kill. Childish abuse should be confined to more harmless topics.
John Walker
MSc Economic History
Dear Beaver,
Adam Cleary (last week's Beaver) has tried to sanitise Conservatism by presenting himself as the only "authentic" antifascist. He told us that fascism is equatable with the state intervention and censorship in any form. And state intervention and censorship in any form. And state intervention, accordingto Cleary, is wrong because it acts against the market. He assumes that the market creates wealth and the market is about individual freedom.
Cleary is a Conservative who hasn't read a paper in 13 years. After 13 years of"free market economics" we have unemployment, poverty, homelessness, a collapse of British industry and a virtual standstill to housing market. After three years of market reforms, the fonner Soviet Union and Eastern Europe are still cryingout for investment. The only thing growing in Moscow is the Mafia. The main thing constituting "free trade these days is debt (especially to the champion of the free market - the USA).
The "freedom" that Adam Cleary is so keen to encourage is only the freedom to be sacked, the freedom to be paid less than survival wages and the freedom to lose your house to the bailiffs. Not what we would call real freedom.
The real reason Cleary presents himself as an anti-fascist is because he is so keen to support the Asylum Bill. This bill is a direct attempt of the Tories to blame so-called 'bogus' refugees for the failures of their economy here in Britain. Wary of appearing racist, by blaming the victims of racism for the problems here, Cleary has tried to present himself as antifascist. We say, in reply, Cleary's anti-fascism is a cover for his racist views. The test for anti-racists today i s to stop th e Asyl um Bill.
Yours,
Elizabeth Hawes
Emmanuel Ohajah
Suke Wolton
PS Adam Cleary will
find that he can pick up a free copy ofthe Maastricht treaty from the European Commission in Storey's Gate in normal opening hours.
DSG
Attack
Budget
Dear Beaver,
The DSG would like to express their concern at thehandlingofthe annual budget meeting. The intention of the DSG to contest the Societies Budget was prevented by an arbitrary ruling of the Chair, Simon Reid, who ruled out proper debate. We feel that this was incompatible with any commitment to "open up the union" and fundamentally undemocratic in nature. By turning the challenge to his ruling into a vote of confidence in him personally, he further undermined Union democracy by diverting attention from important issues of substance.
Societies expenditure is supposed to be £20, 000, but the actual amount allocated was £4534 less than this. This "Societies Reserve" wasnotincluded in the budget and we suggest that this is a denial ofthe Union's right to know how our money is spent. If part of it is to be spent on a multi-cultural event then we should be told.
At a time when Entertainments is failing us. Societies are crucial. For many prominent societies, many of them of great cultural importance, tobe sufferingcuts in their budgets is unacceptable. For the Union not be allowed to discuss the rhatter is worse. As a result of the meeting, the society budget is now in a state of paralysis.
Thehope ofSimon Reid, the Finance and Services Committee, and Jon Spurling must have been that the budget could have been sped through without students noticing a £4534 discrepancy in the Societies budget. We demand a proper budgeting of the multicultural evening which is supposed to explain some of this difference. Secondly, we strongly advise thatinformation be shared honestly with the membership, honouring the pledge of our elected officers to "open up the Union."
That a large part of the budget was rejected with so little discussion is indicative of the
dissatisfaction of many students. It is to be hoped that John Spurling will take notice, and take measures to allow societies to continue to play their vital role in the multi-cultural LSE environment. That the Union is running an accumulated surplus of £257, 000, suggests that shortage of funds is not a reason for his fiscal reticence. This money is surely better spent providing students with services, rather than sitting in the bank accumulating interest. After all, it is our money.
We therefore look forward to a full debate on the Societies' Budget next week, and on the amendments to the sections rejected last Thursday. Anything else will be met with determined opposition of the Democratic Socialist Group and the members of societies, who we urge to attend next week's meeting.
Yours,
members of the DSG.
Johnny Rotten
Dear Beaver,
I write in response to the comment of Jon Bradburn in last weeks Beaver that, "This Union does not need anyone running Entertainments". This flippant statement just about summarises this pathetic attitude. Maybe he doesn't care, or maybe he's always so pissed that he can't remember that every event he's organises (or failed to as the case may be) has been a complete disaster.
As for his statement that even "well advertised" events have failed to attract students; maybe h e'd care to explain exactly what his definition of "well advertised" is. Events such as the Microgroove gig had the potential to be successful, busy evenings - however, I and many like me, only discovered thatthey were playing the day before th e gig after accidentally stumbling on a scrawny A4 size fiyer at the bottom of Carr Saunders stairs.
Its not that the students at LSE aren't willing to socialise (look at the success ofthe Tequila and Carr Saunders parties). Its just that they don't h a ve anyth ing structured to socialise at.
LSE has a Union bar so why not use it Jon (other than for drinking in yourself that is!)
B.W. Poss-E-
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
7 Feature
A CASE
FOR
EUROPE
This article is in tended to be an answer to Mr. Cleary's article published in The Beaver last week. I must make it known that my intention is not to con-tradicthis masterpiece in full - I believe that the "eco-fascists" and the "communist-fascists" are able to speak for themselves. My intention is to restore the facts relating to the European community thathad been "utterly distorted in his work. Many of his allegations related to the EC and in particular to European integration derivefrom an effort to prove that all the people surrounding the EC are bureaucrats, cut off from society and with an attitude which he describes as "socialist". It is clear that Mr.Cleary has no idea of either how the European Community works or of what socialism and its various branches are. To him both are associated with something that is "bad", in a biblical sense, and therefore should be rejected without further consideration. This position can only be described as reactionary, based on an inherent hostility towards both. In his article Mr.Cleary said that the European Community is run by socialist bureaucrats who simply impose laws in order to make life for the "subjects" more difficult. He thinks that the EC is a conspiracy against the simple citizen. He thinks that the socialists have penetrated the infrastructure of the EC and are pushing legislation that is in contradiction with the Free Market economic principle. I cannot imagine anything more irrelevant or inaccurate. We should remind him that there is a commissioner for matters re-latingto competition, Mr. Leon Brittan. In fact one of the major criticisms by lawyers is that the EC is too active in its effort to ensure competition. This clearly contradicts Mr. Cleary's allegation of a socialist-biased commission. Another important factor to bear in mind is the structure of the EC.
The highest administrative body is the council of prime ministers. All prime ministers in the EC happen to be democratically elected representatives of their countries with a clear mandate from their people. Their governments are not dictatorships, they are the legitimate administrators. No decision can be taken without the approval of either the council of prime ministersorthecouncil of ministers. Moreover, in order to ensure the consent of the people even further there is the European Parliament which is directly elected by the citizens of EC countries. Despite the fact that the European Parliament does not have extended powers at the moment, under the Maastricht Treaty it will be able to reject directives and even regulations before they reach the council of ministers if it does not agree with them. All these points show that the EC mechanismsdo not resemble the bureaucratic nightmare that Mr. Clearydescribes.lt is true that the individual citizens do have problems comprehending the way the EC works but this is to be attributed more to the inefficient descriptions provided by the mass media. Moreover, the Commission is to be blamed as well for not ad-vertising its work. It seems that in our times the only way to be popular is to advertise yourself since most people will not bother reading long reports. However, we must never give up a legitimate demand for more democracy; we should always have a positive view of democracy as something still to be achieved rather than sit back on our achievements and wait till they are diminished with time. This is why we should stress the need for further democratisation. Nevertheless, it is very curious that the same people who criticise the EC as being undemocratic are th e ones who advocate the restriction of individual freedom claiming that there should be no fur-
ther efforts in trying to establish them constitutionally. They are advocates of a negative notion of democracy. They think we have had more than enough. In facing the accusation of being a "euro-fascist", I am more than happy to answer that I'm proud to be one. Europe at this point in time is the only thing that is seen to be progressive. It embodies the hope of creating a^ better world, a more stable one where there will be no prospect of returning to the past misfortunes, either in the forin ofWorld Wars or economic destabilisation such as the one we faced two months ago on the eve of the French referendum. Europe should therefore be seen as a stabilising force which guarantees a peaceful order. Try to imagine the world with out such an organisation. We would face everyday arguments between the states, conflicts, major or minor, which would for sure undermine the common interests of us al. What is the alternative? Is it one in which the Common Market has replaced the political integration and all the existing institutions? Is it a Europe which will be accessible only to bankers and multinational corporations? To this argument there is no answer. And even if we accept this idea is it possible for a free market to work without some form of common legal rules or an overseeing body that will ensure the fair regulation of the market? Is the alternative a move towards anarchy or strong protectionism. Today we face a revival of the Nazi ideals, especially in Germany. The European Community can - and will - play a role in releasing pressure that otherwise could take the form of a violent upheaval. One of the main reasons for the creation of the EEC was to ensure that with the help of all the democratic powers in the Continent, theNaziswouldnotgetin power ever again. This can be achieved by establishing security and stability in Europe. Moreover,

fS' MM

Leon Britton : British EC Commissioner
Mr.Cleary thinks that the people are at the mercy of conspirators who are seeking to undermine his freedom by "imposing" on him the Maastricht Treaty. He seems to think that the EC is unpopular among the citizens of the states. However, all the polls show the opposite. In Belgium 83% of the population are in favour of the Maastricht Treaty. In Italy those in favour reach 85%. In the Netherlands 78%, in Portugal 80% and in Greece 79%. Even in the united Germany, the largest contributor to the EC budget those in favour have an 8 point lead as opposed to those against. It is only in Denmark that those who are against prevail by a 6 point margin and in Britain 62% are against. However, there is an overall majority in the aggregate of all EC countries of 61% in favour, with 39% against. I hope that these figures will enlighten even the most uninformed. However, what should worry us is the degree of ignorance about the treaty among many people in our community. This is definitely not the work of a conspiracy but of poor advertisement. On the day ofthe French referendum I heard a former treasurer of NATO saying that it took him three months to read the treaty. Indeed, the Maastricht Treaty is a very complex legal document. Definitely not all or even the majority of people are able to
read it, how can they therefore decide whether to accept it or not? One of the admitted mistakes of the government of Denmark was that it sent the voters a copy of the treaty without any simplification or explanations. This added to the confusion of the voters. However, the Irish government sent its people a simplified version of the treaty. In the case of France it must be noted that most of the people who voted against it were the farmers, the ones the benefit most by the EC. Moreover, we should start considering the increasing appeal fascists like Le Pen, whose appeal lies mainly with the ignorant and uneducated people. Those that were once considered by the Marxists to be the potential revolutionaries are now inclined to the other extreme with similar ifnot worse results for our democratic system. Surely we should all press towards the creation of a Europe with a human face, a Europe that would promote the interests of all its members and would create the educational and cultural background so that appeals from fascists or other radical right groups will not prosper. This is the dominant idea behind the social charter. All other 11 members have agreed on that with the sole exception of Britain. It seems to me that people like Mr. Cleary who claim that we cannot afford a social charter miss
the point that despite Europe making up only 7% of the world population it creates 14% of the world's wealth. At the same time. At the same time unemployment in Europe is rising, leaving only 60% of the working population with work by the end of this year, compared to 70% in USA and 80% in Japan. Unemployment and poverty with the assistance of ignorance are the fuels of nationalism. Against this threat we must have a common policy as this is the only way we can cope with our problems more effectively. Everyone in this school must know that no country can survive on its own in macroeconomic relations. Moreover, the EC is popular outside the EC. The most recent example are the Swiss who chose to abandon a policy of neutrality requiring them to opt out of international institutions. Prospective EC members continue to gather round the Commission's door.
In response to Adam Cleary's article last week -"The Truth About Fascism", Evangelos Katsikis

8 Art
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
SEX IN THE OLD
THEATRE
First of all there's Rick - he's the rock star. Then come the groupies. Maggie is the forty year old bitch who's sexual history makes the Whore of Babylon seem inexperienced. She's sleeping with Rick. Then there's Sammy who started being Jewish then got turned on by Buddhism and finally decided on joining a Catholic monastery. When he's not high, he sleeps with Rick too but when he wakes up he's never sure what he was doing anyway. Next comes Jade who's the seventeen year old nymphomaniac and, you guessed it, she's sleeping with Rick whenever she has a free moment. Nadine is schizophrenic - one half of her slept with him but the other half doesn't approve - now that would really have given Freud something to talk about.
Clay is Rick's lawyer. He had a spiritual conversion and gave up the law to make pornographic films.
There's also Gideon, Rick's guitarist whose mind was blown away by some really bad dope in the sixties and the bodyguard, Roberta, who gave up her job at the docks when she became a woman with the help of some helpful surgeons. Finally there's Irene and well,
she's just pretty straight - really weird!
NOW RICK'S DEAD & EVERYONE HAS A MOTIVE !
The play is being performed in the Old Theatre on Monday 7th, Tuesday 8th and Wednesday 9th December. Tickets cost £2.00 and are available on the door or can be bought in advance from the stall in Houghton Street.
by Steve East.
Time Out/National Theatre Rep Scheme,
Maybe you should have used the new Gillette sensor razor
Photo T. Moos
F1B M S-FILMS-FILMS-FILMS-
by Sarah Ebner
The Waterdanee
The Waterdance is produced by a company called 'No Frills Productions.' The name is perfectly apt. This film refuses to gloss over reality, and its result is a picture that is both hard to watch, but well worth seeing.
Written and co-directed by Neal Jimenez, The story is based on one of the most momentous events in his life. After
Over the last few weeks,	your well-being. They you may have seen a	want you, as students to number of posters appear-	get the most out of studying around LSE, some try-	ing in London, and buy-
ing to persuade you of the virtues of buying Time Out, the others to inform you of the magnificent student deals available each week at the National Theatre (best available tickets for £5.50, 45 minutes before the performance). I am responsible for those posters. Please read on to find out more....
I am the new Time Out /National Theatre Rep for LSE. This means that it is my responsibility to help you realise, as I am sure you do, that there is no better guide for what's going on in London than your weekly copy of Time Out (am I allowed to advertise in the Beaver by the way?!) and also to let
ing Time Out is a pretty good way to work out wh en and where to go. In addition, Time Out have a student page where they advertise events which are specifically related to students. Ifyou have anything to advertise, just drop them a line, and you will see your event in print - all for free. After all, we do need more people to turn up to LSE events (sore point, I think!)
The National Theatre just a 10 minute walk away from here. It has three theatres, a good theatre shop and a number of reasonable places to eat. However, it is the three theatres that are most important.
you know about the most Shows are put on in rep, wonderful theatre com- meaning there is always plex in London - the Na- a large choice of what to tional Theatre.	see, including at the mo-
The nice people at Time' ment Stages, a new play Out are concerned about starring Alan Bates,
Robert LePage's adven turous production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Frances Barber as Eliza Doolittle in Pygmalion. The posters which you should see (if some other society has not covered them up by the time you come along) will give you details each week ofthe shows that are likely to have studentstandbys. In addition, there is a special offer on at the moment whereby you can book your student ticket for Tony Harrison's advenurous Square Rounds in advance. Go on, treat yourself.
So, there you are. Look out for the posters, and get yourself over to your nearest newsagent, on your way to the South Bank. Oh, and keep your eyes here for details of a competition where you can win Time Out/ National Theatre goodies. You can't say we're not good to you.
by SARAH EBNER.
receiving huge critical acclaim for his screenplay for River's Edge, Jimenez was involved in an accident which resulted in him being paralysed. The film opens with a close up of Eric Stoltz as Joel Garcia, his broken neck held together by a metal halo, tears running down his cheeks.
Stuck in a hospital ward for months, young novellist Joel soon meets the other inhabitants. Chief amongst these are Ray Hill (a touching performance by Wesley Snipes) and racist Hells Angel Bloss, played superbly by William Forsythe. Trying to get on with his life, Garcia attempts to continue his relationship with his mar-ried girlfriend Anna, whilst surviving Bloss's enmity and Ray's family problems.
The audience is expected to realise what the patients are going through. They will never walk again, and we should not expect Hollywood-style miracles or brave coming-to-terms. The direction helps this attempt at understanding, particularly at the start, as the camera is positioned where the motion less Joel would see it, right above his head, as he lies on his stark hospital bed.
The title is explained by Ray, as he tells Bloss of his recurring dream whereheisonthe surface of a lake, and must dance to stop himself from sinking. The two men can understand this dream
Single White Female
Jennifer Jason Leigh goes completely potty
Based on the novel 'Single White Female Seeks Same' by John Lutz, SWF stars Bridget Fonda as Allison Jones. She hasjust split up with her lover Sam (Steven Weber) when she found out that he had been sleeping with his ex-wife. Determined to get him out of her mind, she advertises for a roommate, and eventually settles for Hedra Carlson,
without resort to further explanation - as we are meant to. There is no attempt at drilling home a 'message'.
This film is certainly not light, but it does have its humourous moments, which work well to relieve thetension. Theseinclude Joel's conversation with an unseen shrink when he tries to explain why he hasnotbrokendown over his accident, and also when he and Anna (a realistic and warm performance from Helen Hunt) try to have a moment of passion in the ward, to the embarassmentofits other members. Yet the most tellingremark comes from one of the other paraplegics when they have escaped in the hospital bus for a night on the town. As Joel's driving leaves a lot to be desired, the passenger says 'Good thing we're already paralysed.' You can't help but laugh, bad taste or not...
The Waterdance is released on November 27 across the country. It is rated 15.
played by Jennifer Jason Leigh. It's here that her trouble really starts.
It becomes clear as the film progresses that Hedra is not your ordinary type of room-mate. She buys a puppy an d th en when Allison gets attached to it she throws it out of the window. She hides all letters and erases all phone messages from Sam, almost as if she can't stand anyone else getting close to Ally.
Ally then finds out that Hedra is in fact Ellen Besch, who used to have a twin who died aged nine. She also finds the missing letters and goes to one of her neighbours for help. Hedra hears them planning to get her out of the flat and then proceeds to attack the neighbour, kill Sam, attack one of Allys' employers, and then sets about attacking Ally, under the premise that "if I can't have you then no-one else can'.
Sounds complicated? it's not. The plot is predictable from about 15 minutes into the film, and there is no build up of tension at all, even in the final sequence. It uses tricks thathavebeen used to much greater effect in 'Fatal Attraction', 'Sleeping with the Enemy' and many other thrillers-there is essentially nothing new to offer. That is not to say that the film is entirely bad- both Fonda and Jason Leigh play their roles competently. However, with cinema prices as they are, I'd certainly think twice before paying your admission fee!
Darren Miles
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
9 Art
Wilde Morality
L A Wildethorpe
Anew production of "An Ideal Husband" (written by Oscar Wilde in 1893-94) has recently open ed at th e G1 obe Th ea-tre. An immediate success in its time - until it was taken ofTthe stage following the scandal of Wilde's arrest and his trial - the play bears all the hallmarks of Wildean drama: itisfull of subtle and paradoxical humour, epigrammatic lines and the sheer delightofsendingup high society.
The theme of the play is public morality. Sir Robert Chiltern, the less than ideal husband, is a politician well-known for upholding high moral standards. His has not been a flawless life however and the secret he has kept from his wife for all these years is soon to be revealed by a Machiavellian adventuress, Mrs Cheveley.
Thus the play revolves aroun d th e h usban d's fear of a scandal which would doubtlessly ruin his public career. The role of the press in spreading the news of Sir Robert's crime - should it be informed of it by Mrs Cheveley - is mentioned on several occasions, echoinga concern of Oscar Wilde's over the "tyranny" of the press. He was convinced that "the public have an insatiable curiosity to know every-thingexceptwhatis worth knowing" but that 'The private lives of men and women should not be told to the public." (The Soul of Man under Socialism). The play's concerns with privacy, burningambition and doing what is right both in the public and private spheres are still rel-evantand although Wilde was by no stretch of the imagination a philosopher, are handled in a sensitive and thought-pro-voking way.
The play is very much concerned with psychology; in the playwright's words, it is mainly about "the difference in the way in which a man loves a woman from thatin which a woman loves a man, the passion that women have for making"ideals" (which istheir weakness) and the weakness of a man who dares not show his imperfections to the thing he loves." But by creating such a sharp differentiation between genders, Wilde ends up with a stereotyped, Victorian view of men and women.
In the play, one important character even points out "the higher importance of a man's life over a woman's", and this is not said tongue-in-cheek! It is clear that the play leaves much to be desired as far as sexual politics is concerned. Wilde can certainly be said to have reflected his era in this respect, if in no other...
The cast produce a higher than average performance: Anna Carteret plays Mrs Cheveley, the ruthless red-haired woman of easy virtue who wears "far too much rotige and not enough clothes, always a sign of despair in a woman"; Michael Denison isexcellentasthe comical old-fashioned father of the idle aesthete Lord Goring; the latter, a mouthpiece for Wilde himself, has a heart of gold in spite of his carefree wit and is always prepared to help friends in dire circumstances (he is played by Martin Shaw); Hannah Gordon, as Lady Chiltern, is the archetypal, pure
English rose who in the course of the play learns to forgive other people's mistakes and to show some tolerance towards their imperfections; Dulcie Gray plays the uproariously shallow gossip Lady Markby in a suitably larger-than-life style; and David Yelland is utterly convincing as the pursed-lipped, seemingly upright politician with a great future before him.
The direction by Peter Hall is somewhat conventional, although it does achieve a simplicity which is very refreshing. As for the sets, they are beautifully designed in bronze and copper tones, with an oversized Victorian coin hovering above the stage as a constant reminder of the stark, unforgiving mood 0^ the times, which Wilde so successfully captured.
"An Ideal Husband" is showing at The Globe, Shaftesbury Avenue, tel.: 071-494 5040.
Punt and Dennis get Milky
It's those lads from the mary Whitehouse experience again.
The funniest programme that I've ever seen was a half hour stand-up routine on Sky TV (someone has to watch it!) called 'The Last Laugh', which happened to feature Hugh Dennis and Steve Punt. After that I religiously tuned in to The Mary Whitehouse Experience, and you can imagine my delight when I heard that the duo were touring.
The audience was subjected to an incredibly slick performance of almost two hours, obviously well rehearsed, with every line impeccably timed, but no less funny as a result. Over the course of the first half, we learnt that Steve and Hugh (as I affectionately call them) used to write bumper stickers, where they progressed from 'Windsurfers go windsurfing' to 'Don't follow me or you'll end up at my house'. Next followed their comments on hitchhikers and horsemeat, and finally, to end thehalf their concern for the serious theatre-goer "It's all the fault of those bloody
Chippendales". Even faced with Hughs' impersonation of a Chippendale I heard the odd voice complain that "they're not as good as Newman and Baddiel."
Obviously, this criticism had been heard and part two started with ...the Milky-Milky Man, possibly the mostfamous character from the Experience. We were treated to every possible angle on making milk- "Louis Pasteur spent his entire life making milk germ free and hygienic to drink ..bastard!", and finally the onstage fridge was opened to reveal- you guessed it- loads and loads of milk. From this we were treated to the sublime "who eats Pop Tarts anyway?", to the ridiculous "what is the pointoffiight-less birds? Penguin meet the incredible drowning trout and his friend Colin the claustrophobic mole". This led to a sketch featuring Hughs' teddy, and they finished with 'Murder at Strangemoor Manor' my favourite sketch from the early episode of'The Last Laugh'.
SW.{:
Carry on Chekov which you should have seen last week Photo T. Moos
Elizabeth II
by Thomas Bernhard, at the Gate Theatre, Notting Hill
Bernhards' macabre play about mortality and politics was given its' British premiere at the Gate Theatre last week.
Any visitor to the Gate IS struck immediately by the intimacy ofthe venue-literally the upstairs of a p\ib-which'offers an unrivalled opportunity of intensity between the audience and the drama. Indeed, the audience has to walk through the stage to get to andfrom their seats, raising the awkward question of mid-act bladder hassles. What do you do?
EnsuringI was suitably 'relieved', I stupidly sat on the front row, a mere outstretched limb away from the stage.(An actors wheelchair was duly wh eeled over my foot dur-ingthe performance.) Despite the venues' size, there was definitely an
As an encore we were treated to th-^ir new single, 'The Milky Milky Song' and then they were gone.
If you like the Experience you'll like this;in fact, if you've any sense of humour at all then you must see Puht and Dennis live. They're next in London on December the 20th at the Dominion Theatre-get your tickets now!
Darren Miles
atmosphere of expectation, that there was something special on offer. Atmosphere notwithstanding, technical hitches ensued, from the birds chirping when the clock should have been ticking to the occasional booming noise when microphones came too near to one another.
Bernhard was born in Austria in 1941 and grew up with a great deal of scepticism for what he regarded as the hypocrisy ofthe Austrian state,sentiments that are expressed in Elizabeth II. He also deals with the themes of self-sacrifice and the effect of compromise on the soul, with relevance again to his own life when he gave up a place to study muasic in Viennafomanual work in order to support himself He spent part of his life as an invalid and it is this perspective on life that Hemenstein the morbid quadraplegic senex who dominates the play, displays.
Hemenstein spends the entire play railing about his life, his friends, politics, religion, - indeed nothing is safe from his subjective opinion. The dramatic crescendo id the impending visit of Queen Elizabeth II, due to march past outside the rooms' window, from which
by Ralph Wilde
Hemenstein is to host a party.
Hemensteins woes are familiar to anyone with an aged relative, yet the actor managed to engage the audience bringing out the wit, irony, and above all the humour of his one-liners.
Throughout pervades his truly frightening fear of being alone and one gets the idea that he doesn't stop speaking in case he were to think his ideas through and commit suicide as a result.
For all his seemingly depressing	lines,
Hemenstein was in fact outrageously funny, milking all the macabre wit without letting us forget the underlying tragedy.
The plays tour de force came when the guests arrived clad in glamourous funeral costume, looking infinitely more animated than their corpse of a host. Politics underpinned the scene as Bernhard gives vent to his own disillusionment via Hemenstein, and the minimal plot is brought to a climax when all the dreadful guests fell off the balcony in a freak accident, leaving, ironically, Hemenstein surviving them all.
The play was horrible and hilarious at the same time, well directed and acted. A must.
the theatre
marvellous
the theatre
marvellous
10 Food & Drink
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
THE MOTHER OF ALL FOOD PAGES

"Beaver staff celebrate Xmas, saving funds by eating uncooked turkey an^djs^s^ng	samoi^ella^I^oto Neil Andrews
Ravi
Shankar's, Angel, Islington
I've often been told I'm a very meaty person and I suppose it's true, I do like my meat. However, it was my 2 veg that was on the menu in this particular restaurant. Sufficeth to say, this meat packer was not looking forward to chewing on his veg and only went to prove his masculinity in such a temple of culinary castration. Thus it was a great shock to find some ruddy luwerly grub on the slab lookin, it must be said, like every bodily by-product I've ever encountered, having been masticated for several weeks and then passed through a dog
backwards. DO NOT LET THIS PUT YOU OFF! The food is really fantastic, allsorts of vegetable shit and a good range of chut-neys, nan and samosas. All you can eat for 3.95;is it even necessary to point out that I stuffed myself?
Th ink of a vegetabl e an d they've probably got a curry made out of it. They must also take credit for introducing a very tasty (although fuck-all like the real thing) meat substitute into their ever-evolving, everexpandingmenu.
The dessert was gorgeous; a sweet thingcalled a gulab jamun and this freaky rice pudding.
Drinks are where they make theirmoney and the service is total shit, but at least that absolves you of tipping. They also do a 2.00 take away lunch pack, packed with tasty bites;but be warned, it's a set menu in the evening (although STILL good value if you order a delux meal).
I personally would recommend this restaurant to every red-blooded, rugger-bugger, drink your own piss sort of man and woman. And everyone else. They also have a big-daddy place called Chut-neysin Drummond street in Euston which I believe won best vegetarian res-taurantin London in Time Out last year.
Ravi Shankar's in Angel: tastier than the great man himself, so I'm told!
G. Sparradrax
SHOCK! HORREUR! FREE BOTTLE OF WINE QUIZ
Yes readers 2 bottles of Jacob's Creek Australian red wine are on ofFer in this weeks exciting competition. Just send your answers on a postcard to Food Page at E197 to win yours.
DSelfridges food department in on what floor of the store?
2)What colour is frozen lobster? 3)What famous european lager is now
available as a "dry?" 4)Who makes American Budweiser? 5)What are buffalo wings?
6)What beer do you have with Haagen-Daz ice-cream?
HAPPY XMAS TO ALL FOOD PAGE READERS -MAY YOUR INDIGESTION BE MINOR AND YOUR HEADACHES BE LIGHT AND THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO VOTED TO KEEP OUR BUDGET ALLOCATION
SERIOUS STUFFING
In order to make this page raore serious next term we shall cover items on bar coding suprmarkets too much drinking Xmas hangovers, butter and heart dis> ease the coke wars advertising and the single female
cigarettes and lung cancer
iiver and bacon, dishes
pate is it really for men?'
the life styles of the rich and famous, kitchens of the world Sudanese pot cook ing NOT!
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
11 Music
Kick Out The Gloom
by Craig Walmsley
aturday night. It was a toss up
tween "Gladiators" and The Cure live at Olympia in the company of two gorgeous women. It was very tricky. After much deliberation we reached the heart-rending decision that it was to be Bob's balding band.
An arduous trip behind us, we finally settled in to watch the support band, the Cranes (from Portsmouth! That's near where I live - RH) strut their funky stuff. Given a chance to perform in front of several thousand would-be depressives you'd think that they would at least try to impress. Unfortunately, despite the drummer's admirable ability to keep up with their numerous backing tracks, the band had about as much atmosphere as Prince has height. It wouldhavebeen a lot more interesting to
watch their mechanical namesakes pick stuff up, spin it around a bit and then put it back down again. Shame, really.
The roadies were feverish and crap songs were played over the PA until all was silent. Soothing music began and fifty or so lights on a Romanesque stage began to twin -kle. The house lights slowly dimmed. The crowd rose, as did the temperature when the Cure, walked on stage. The intro that led into "Open" - the first track from "Wish" -ended but the song itself was dispensed with and "Shake Dog Shake" was put in its place. A bitter song, it set the tone for the rest of the evening's performance and those people who came because of "Friday I'm In Love" are well taken aback. Things return to a more poppy normality with "High", "Pictures Of You" and "Lullaby", all executed perfectly and al expressing Robert's
strangely commercial angst wonderfully. "Apart" (from "Wish") and "Lovesong" are a welcome break from the cheery nonsense of "Let's Go To Bed" and "The Walk". "Friday..." is beautifully garish and shows perfectly the Cure's perfect grasp of the music business. Indeed, the main section of the set up to now is designed for the part-time Cure fan, who bought a few singles but never really took in what was going on.
Strange things soon start to happen, however; a solo rendition of "Fire in Cairo" from Bob and two old album tracks: "A Night Like This" and "M", both intended for us seriously neurotic fans. And if we liked those, we loved the end of the main set. "From The Edge Of The Deep Green Sea" is un-arguably the best song on "Wish" and is here delivered with such conviction, anger and frustration as to literally knock you off your feet.
The Cure's Wish Tour 1992.
"Some people say that the Cure are depressing, but I find them reassuring, in that somebody else finds the world as shit as I do and isn't content to express themselves in the plastic platitudes of one hundred Jason Donovans or the glaring stupidity of Dance Music."
"Never Enough " is funky and "Cut" is violent. "End", th final song, sums up all His Bobness' problems in one slab of musical doom.
The first encore starts with more angst/doorri/ death ridden songs from "Pornography", the nadir of the Cure's depressive tendencies. But.beingthe ultimate performer, Bob wants to leave us with a smile on our faces and
launches into an extremely rare version of J.M. Hendrix's Foxy Lady". It was superb and surely the highlight of the concert, but strange to .see how such a good band could display such a lack of musical prowess. I was in Hysterics, the Mary Whitehouse Experience couldn't have done it better.
Back they come for the popencore. "DressingL'p"
BITTER LEMON
Evan Dando's solo acoustic set at Ronnie Scott's
The "kids" outside are definitely not happy. That this free gig is turning into a fiasco could be the understatement of the year. Put it this way, you don't advertise a lunchtime acoustic setby Evan Dando of the Lemonheads if you intend to fill the place with assorted musos on invites. This type ofbehav-iour by record companies bites the very hand that feeds them. The "kids" so condescendingly referred to are the ones who actually buy the records and their dedication shows;
there are at least 150 of them and many have been here for over three hours.
This is one queue that I feel hellishly guilty about jumping. One of the privileged, a Warners' envelope with my name on awaits me at the door - I get the free beer, the free wine and a ringside seat next to the man himself. Not realy what you wanted to hear if you wasted three hours in that queue. To describe Ronnie Scott's as small wouldbegenerous-ofthose "kids" outside only a handful are rewarded for their perseverance, the rest are
turned away, disappointed.
Evan Dando is one laid back dude from Boston, 'alert' is not a word which springs to mind, yet put a guitar in his hands and this man can work magic. The set is purely acoustic, simple but effective. He opens with "Being Around" ("If I was a fridge would you open the door" -neverfailstogetalaugh) and works his way through a series of songs from the Lemonheads' latest album "It's A Shame About Ray" (cringeworthy audience participation on
"Bit Part") and a few cover versions. He does not play the new single "Mrs. Robinson" - stressing that the band were "kinda duped" into the Simon & Garfunkel cover. Another Warners' marketing ploy, we wonder?
We get over an hours' worth of music. Acoustically, you can hear how beautifully crafted the songs actually are and Dando's talent shines through. The a capella encores, however, are perhaps unnecessary but he almost pulls them off. As we emerge, blinking, into
the daylight a cluster of "kids" remain, waitingfor a glimpse of their idol. They are distinctly pissed off. "
I feel a traitor - usually it would be me waiting in the cold of Frith Street. It was a great gig, but one marred by the painfully patronising attitude of a record company to its ultimate "consumers".
The "kids" are not to be taken for gran ted, th ey are the lifeblood of the industry - Warners take note.
Sarah Jane
"Evan Dando is one laid back dude from Boston, 'alert' is not a word which springs to mind, yet put a guitar in his hands and this man can work magic."
from TheTop was played for no apparent reason followed by "Clo.se To Me" and AMin'Can 11 Be You . Off they go again.
Back once more, but for the last time. Three Imaginary Boys" was given the schizophrenic best of Robert and the lighting, which was superb throughout, was a wonderfully understated white on red. "Boys Don't Cry" is fun and the green lights of "A Forest " send us on our way in a frenetically sombre (? - RH)fashion, all rounded off with the ubiquitous hand clap. In sum it was brilliant. Despite the wheeling out of unnecessary pop numbers the concert was a brilliant parade of songs and emotions. It was only a shame that they didn't play such classicsas "Killing an Arab ", " Catch ' or "Faith " but I wasn t too upset as I d been the night before when they played all of them. It is also a shame that, if Bob is right, and this truly is the last tour they will ever do. that you lovely people will never get to see such greatness performed right in front of you. But I suppose you can still buy the albums.
Some people sa\- that the Cure are depressing, but 1 find them reassuring, in that somebody else finds the world as shit as I do and isn't content to express themselves in the plastic platitudes of one hundred Jason Donovans or the glaring stupidity of Dance Music. (In case you were worried I taped "Gladiators" and watched it on Sunday, so I didn't miss one second of high octane action - what a topping programme!)
12 Music
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
Keep The Faith (ha,ha)
by Geoff Robertson
I last saw Faith No More on their "Real Thing" tour in 1990 at the Manchester Apollo. They were brilliant, and that day were supported by Prong whom we met and interviewed later, having already interviewed Bill Gould(bassistwith FNM) before the gig. This time up, FNM were supported by all girl thrash outfit L7, a band who'd caused a fair amountofcontroversy after Donna stripped lower-half-naked on the week before's "The Word". That aside, they made a very good support; obviously hyped-up for the gig, and obviously having a good time too, they played a mixture of their "Bricks are heavy" latest album, as well as tracks from their debut, the best of which (for me), were "Shitlist" and "Pretend we're Dead".
But it was not L7 we were there for, nay, nay.
and thrice nay, we were there for the great FNM. This strange bunch love to shock. They thrive on it, and none more so than vocalist Mike Patton. Having joined the band late (after Chuck Moseley had been ejected amid a background of violence and aggresion) at the tender age of 19, Patton was thrust into the limelight of a band just beginning to receive the recognition they deserved, and the outcome was a self confesed spoilt brat. But the man can sing, and shows it tonight, in between screams, howls of anguish, and tantrums. The band are excessive: self-confessed Pill cocktail-makers (notice "Pills for Breakfast" off their debut?) and have done one or two things in the past that you wouldn't advocate, but they do have a talent for superb music, which was what they showed tonight.
Armed with a very impressive light show (as on the previous occasion), they blasted of with "Caffeine" and began a very cramped pit off. Also from the new "Angel Dust" album we were treated to the likes of "Midlife Crisis" (first single off "AD"), "RV", "Kindergarten" (during the encore), "Everything's Ruined" (also during said encore), etc,etc. But you have to remember the impressive back-catalogue. Best of all for me was the untouchable "Crab Song" 4 songs in: Patton may not be able to get the same sort of genuine emotion that Chuck evoked, but his voice makes amends on th e strong latter parts- th e song has to be the most powerful they've ever written.
Most of the best cuts from "The Real Thing" are there: "Epic", the title track, th e fabul ou s i n stru-mental "Woodpeckers
The band end on "As The Worm Turns" and the excellent "Why Do You Bother" form their first (Kttle known) "We Care A Lot" (worry not as said single also appeared in full) LP. I thought this was superb as I still maintain that some of Chuck's best lyrics and work is here, and also since I was resigned to the fact that I'd never see these songs performed live after Chuck left. However, 95% of the auditorium, who didn't know what the fuck was going on
were less pleased
from Mars", "Falling to Peices", although there's the strange exclusion of "From Out of Nowhere", my favourite track from said album, and the opener for the last tour. More (Sorry!) controversy is to follow, when previous single (and surely best cut from "AD") "Small Victory" is ommited.
But this is not all. The band end on "As The Worm Turns" and the excellent "Why Do You Bother" form their first (little known) "We Care A Lot" (worry not as said single also appeared in full) LP. I thought this was superb as I still maintain that some of Chuck's best lyrics and work is here, and also since I was resigned to the fact that I'd never see these songs performed live after Chuck left. However, 95% of the auditorium, who didn't know what the fuck was going on were less pleased, and we heard many a disatisfied punter moaning "what was that they finished with last?' on the way home. But that's life, I'm afraid, and let's face it, FNM must have been laughing backstage to the thought of people going home confused at the end of this, their last, triumphant, nightat Brixton (until the next time).
Faith No
Tlk /W	i
More at Brixton
L.S.E. and all that Jazz
The end of enter tainments? Not quite. On Thursday 26th October th e Steve Waterman ban d played live in The Underground as the first major concert in the Jazz Society's 1992-93 season. The band is a quartet of professional musicians who (bar th e pi an i st) h a ve been working together for some time and played at Ronnie Scott's earlier this year. Waterman, the trumpeter and bandleader has played extensively in West End shows and joined the John Surman Brass Project earlier this year for both the album and the tour dates, again, including a week at Ronnie Scott's club.
On Thursday, the band played standards, mainly from the 50's and 60's, and while there was little originality in their approach (no bad thing, some aficionados might say) the tunes were all excellently played and sympathetically treated. The influence of post bop (the biggest jazz wave after bebop) and early fusion came out strongly with tunes like Herbie Hancock's Cantaloupe Island , Wayne Shorter's Footprints and the Miles Davis classics All Blues and Freddie Freeloader forming the bulk of the band's repertoire. Waterman revealed himself as a very accomplished technical player with superb mastery in double time passages involving great leaps between octaves (something very h ard to do on a trum -
Phil Jones with James Brown.
pet). He was equally at home with the ballads though, such as J.J. Johnson's Lament and Davis's All Blues, showing a sensitive side and a great affinity with the music. That he wasn't even flustered when his harmon mute fell out during his solo on All Blues shows the extent to which his soul is in the music.
The rest of the band provided eminently suitable back up for the virtuoso Waterman. Rufus Philpotton six-stringelec-tric bass seemed close to Waterman in artistic temperament. He was remi-niscentofMark Kingofin his frequent use of the high register and "slapped" notes to create interesting variety in his solos. Obviously another
musician to look out for. Godfrey Wang was obviously somewhat new to the band, but still gave a fine performance. The sound of the Yamaha DX7 he played was a little thin to blend perfectly with the choice of material, but th is did not inhibit his playing. The band's drummer, Steve Taylor, was almost superfluous the group was so rhythmically tight, but it would have been less of an evening without him. He came in to his own however, on four-bar exchanges and solos with great technical flair.
All in all, the gig was one ofthe best from a jazz fan's point of view for a very long time (and I'm a third year). The Underground had more atmosphere than ithaseverhad
mm

Faith No More
The Only Thing Suede Should Be Used For Is Shoe Material
Are Suede really the 'best new band in Britain'? That's about as likely as the people who had the homeless people kicked out of Lincoln's Inn-Field being worth going for a beer with.
Is this all that the music press can come up with? Some spoilt little middle-class kids who's parents bought a Wool worth's 'So You Wanna Be-The Smiths' Kit for. The lead singer glam? He wouldn't know glitter is somebody painted his genitalia with it.
Listen, I was at their gig at Camden Palace last year. So was Morrissey, actually, and despite his ambivalence towards racism, I suspect that he was just as bored by this pale shadow of himself, ooops, sorry lads I'm af^raid it's not 1986 anymore. Ever heard of a tune? Ever heard of stage presence?
The Drowners?' Yeh, well to be obvious, why don't you go and drown in your own sea of undistinguished guitar licks?The NME and Melody-Maker are shitting themselves looking for some new movement, something to cling onto, as they kill indie by reifying turds like Suede.
There's something that sticks to Suede shoes: Turd. Now that's a better name for their band.
and was probably fuller than it has been as a separate venue all year. It was good to see a number of non-jazz fans enjoyingthe music immensely -1 think the Jazz society gained several new members that night. The Steve Waterman band has already expressed an interest in returning to LSE
nextyear (Jazz Soc. &SU funds permitting), so look out for posters, and if you want to hear some of the best live music going at LSE make sure you get a ticket. If this is the end of entertainments then we should have stopped a long time ago.
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
92 FOR YOUI
Roger Irrelevant.
Future Sound of London
1.	THE FATIMA MANSIONS - VALHALLA AVENUE (Kitchenware/RadioActive)
TheMelody Maker describedThe Fatima Mansions as "the best band in Britain by furlongs", and thi$ remarkable album is testament to this. A nightmare record, brimming with vitriol and venom and spitting at anyone thatCathal Coughlan hates -Tories, Bush, the Catholic Church et al. He's a mite pissed off with the world as it is - if you buy this record you'll know exactly what I mean.
2.	THE FUTURE SOUND OF LONDON - AC-CELERATOR (Jumpin' & Pumpin*)
Techno music as it should be - not 1000 bpm nosebleed stufTbut intelligent, tuneful and pleasing to the ear. This album takes you on a journey through various musical styles, all contained in a wonderfully i tight electronic en vironmen t. Hit sin gl e "^Papua New Guinea" is possibly the high spot but every single track is streets ahead of the usual cack being foisted upon us by talentless E-heads nowadays,
3.	THE JESUS AND MARY CHAIN • HONEY'S DEAD (WEA)
A welcome return to form from East Kilbride's favourite sons who have now managed to make feedback something of an art form. Twelve wonderfully simple songs, brilliantly performed, makes thi$ album as good as "Psychocandy" and far better than anything they had achieved in between. Areal drummer helps, too, "Catchfire" features eight separate tracks ofguitarabuse. Not fucking bad.
4, FINITRIBE - AN UNEXPECTED GROOVY TREAT (One Little Indian)
This is the album The Shamen should have made after "En-Tact", but they went and did the bollocks ¦'Boss Drum" with that excruciating Number One. Here, "Forevergreen", "101" and "Ace Love Deuce" shine out as some of the best techno tracks of the last couple of years : and the album is filled with several other tracks which ought to be singles in their own right; Why does so much good dance music come from Scotland?
5.	GALLON DRUNK « TONIGHT...THE SIN-GLES BAR (Clawfist)
The quite extraordinary Gallon Drunk are pre-sentedhereonacompilatiott oftbeir early singles and rarities, a must-buy for anyone who likes to se a little bit of originality in pop music. Crashing guitar and keyboards, complementary maracas, indecipherable lyrics. Gallon Drunk live is a quite memorable experience, but as you can't have that at the moment, you'll have to make do with this.
6.	SUGAR - COPPER BLUE (Creation)
Husker Du's mainman Bob Mould's new project
Sugar have produced a quite excellent first album here. Th e singles "Changes" and the "Debaser"-sound-alike "A Good Idea" are the best tracks, and it's the sort of record that REM would kill to make. Pleasant guitar-pop, very cheerful and upbeat, this looks to be about the best thing from the other side of the pond this year.
7.	SPnUTUALIZED -LA2ER GUIDED MELODIES (Dedicated)
Jason Pierce, ex-Spacemen 3, shows just who had the brains in that band. This record is just about the best background music made, sophorific and peaceful, "Run", "Medication" and "Smile" help make this the best "record to get wasted to" of the year. The omission, though, of the monumental "Feel So Sad" is as baffling as it is frustrating.
8. THE ORB. U.F.ORB {Big LifeAVau! Mr. Modo) Undoubtedly one of the success stories of the year, with a triumphant appearance at Glastonbury and a whole host of sold-out all-nighters under their belt. Dr. Alex Paterson and Thrash enlisted the help of the great Jah Wobble amongst others to create a worthy follow up to the superb "Adventures Beyond The Ultraworld" and the subsequent "Ultraworld Excursions". Which, it has to be said, isquite some achievement.
THE DISPOSABLE HEROES OF HIPHOPRISY «HYPOCRISY IS THE GREATEST LUXURY (4th and Broadway)
Michael Franti and Rono Tse could almost be described as a minimalist Pttblie Enemy, The lyrics are blessed with a cutting sarcasm, on an album which is generally about what a shithole the USA is, I guess. Unlike various otIierWest Coast rappers, theyhitthe mark with a brilliantly intelligent record. Their rise from obscurity to celebrity is one of t>ie few things to be happy about this year.
10. JULIAN COPE »JEHOVAHKILL (Island) Definitely the best title for an album this year, the Wierdo of Wessex has really given us something to think about with this excellent follow-up to "Peggy Suicide". It's loud, noi^, and very difficult to listen to, but it's a masterwork. The outstanding tracks are numerous, the logic behind it all fairly inexplicable. He's been ofFhis head too often, but if this is what he can produce, theni don'tthink anyone should tell him so. Make of it what you can, but it probably won't be very much.
13 Music
The Ten Albums
Sugar
you should
¦>'. iLi . JSSK'..p': ¦: ¦¦¦¦

Jason Pierce:-Spiritulized
have bought
1
Julian Cope
Bhangra rules the waves
Bhangra was in full swing at Camden Town Hall last week as Apna Sangeet displayed thefull extent of their musical prowess.
The huge dance floor was packed with the men "nachying" and the women "gidhying" to such classic tracks as "Soho Rd. Uttey" (Album : Tour India). Traditional tracks like "Boliyaan" and "Putan Jat de" were interwoven between the
newer compositions such as "Bhangra Queen", "Ma Chaud Bahen Chaud" and "Daggar Maar DhoHa" (from their latest album "Khushiyan"). An energetic performance concluded with a cover version of Gurdaas Maan's classic "Chhula'.
For those of you, well probably all of you, who don't know what the hell I'm talking about, let me explain;
Bhangra originates
from the central Asian state of Punjab. An expression of Punjabi village life, traditional Bhangra is given its distinctive sound by way of a large drum-like instrument, the "dholkie".
From 1980, Bhangra flourished in the UK as second generation Punjabis re-asserted aspects oftheir culture.The output of a large number of UK-based bands is in high demand back in
India.
Dates of countrywide gigs are plastered on the L.S.E. notice boards by ticket agents. Have a look, the agents DO all seem to be called either Nav, Jeet, Raj, Sonny or Harg. For a taster, drop in at any Indian or Pakistan Society function.
Alternatively, you can browse through Oxford Street stores like Virgin and pay £6 for an album. It's far more fun though,
to go further afield to exotic places like Southall, in West London.
Here one can buy the modern concoctions of Bally Sagoo and Apachi Indian, a mix of Bhangra with dance, rap, rock or reggae, or traditional sounds for as little as £2 an album. With the money you save, you can then go for an authentic onion bhaji.
Sun deep Tucker
WRITE FOR THE MUSIC PAGES!!
Jfyou see any gigs during your stay at LSE, you are most welcome to submit a review of them (rou^ly 400 words) for inclusion in th e music sec-tion.
Simply write your review ahd take it t6 the Beaver office (E197) by WedneMay, 4.00 pro. Any contributions would be most appreciated, ;
14 Classifieds
The Beaver, 7th December 1992
WE'RE HUNTING HEADS FOR BORNEO
10 Adventurers required for our first lateral trans-Borneo expedition. Recent full hinterland reconnaissance proves plan realistic. 25 day expedition starts 22 March 93. Details Encounter Overland on 071-370-6951.
CAMPAIGN AGAINST HOMELESSNESS
organised by the LSE Liberal Democrats. For the rest of the term there will be a box in the SU Cafe where old clothes or other items suitable to be given to the homeless can be left.
Please give anything you can. All items donated will be given to homeless people who need them.
Private tuition in French and German given by qualified teacher.
Just call Paul on 071-486 8185 Monday - Sunday 10-12 and 19-21
ADVISOR TO WOMEN STUDENTS.
Rose Rauchman, Room A271 (Ext 7351) offers a "walk-in" service for women students who wish to discuss any issue causing concern. The advisor will offer advice and support for a wide range of problems and encourage students to seek guidance when appropriate from other sources.
All information is confidential. No action is taken unless requested by the student.
HOURS: Tuesday 10-llam, Friday l-2pm.
JAPANESE LESSONS
on Wednesdays 2-4pm in XI32 for beginners on Friday 2-3.30pm in El96 for intermediates.
LSE CHRISTIAN UNION
invites you to an INTIERNATIONAL CHRISTMAS PARTY
Includes traditional Christmas food & games
ACCOMMODATION AVAILABLE
ACCOMODATION AVAILABLE IN LSE HOUSING
Butler's Wharf
One place for a male student in a double room: £40.88 per week.
One Single Room: £57.40 per week.
Silver Walk
Three places in double rooms with en-suite
bathroom:£49.50 per week.
LSE Housing Association House
One place in a single room in the LSE Housing Association House in Mile End: £220 per month.
For further details contactthe Central Accomodation Office: Room E296
LSE Central Accomodation Office
Are you still interested in obtaining LSE Accomodation for next term?
If you wish to be considered for any vacancies in the residences please register your details with the Central Accomodation Office: Room E296.
The Latin American Society and Club 64 present A Christmas Party at the Wag,
35 Wardour St., off Leicester Square Tuesday December 8th. 10pm to 3am
The Economics Society
woiddsincerdy /i'^c to tfiank^ the SU reception and the Sorters for their hctp and co-operation.
LSE Drama society presents,
Cfi^ckj
Was tke age free [ope att it up as crac^d up io Be?
»-
Se7(j drugs androcl^n'rofC don't you rememSer?
Mon 7th, Tue 8th, Uled 9th 7.30pm tickets £2.00
I
1
0-
THE BEAVER CLASSIFIEDS
To adverti.se,
contact James or Carolyn in the Beaver office . E197 Ext 2870.
Copy date: Wedne.sday noon..
The Beaver,. 7th December 1992
- -15 Sport
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Street Europeans Strike a
Harry
IHOUGHTON STREET HARRY
Wellii a Stroll rourid Houghton Street is all littakes to realise that LSE has gone Crimbo iCrazy. People abseiling down the old building jnot dressed as Santa Claus, the Great Donkey iRace not be:ing renained the Reindeer Derby and jeven the Brunch Bowl not having mistletoe at Ithe tills so we can kiss our favourite checkout ^: lady in thanks for her wairm srriileS and rriaternal jconcern for our general well being. Then again I Harry did nodce a rather large Christmas Tree in jthe Shaw Library, but is not sure who exactly is; igoing to be sat round it on the 25th, or even if lany of the presents beneath it will bettf the name iHarry on the tag. This general Yuletide apathy Ihas inevitably rubbed off onto this very page and Ihowever hard Harry tries to imagine the taste of jthat first bite of Christmas Pud he is at a loss to Imuster any further festive enthusiasm, possibly Idue to the fact that Christmas is miles away and iBeaver readers will be scattered far and wide iover the globe by the time the sleigh bells start to ichime. Enough of this and onto sport, which has iapparently been lacking:in Hairy'sgone by, so I bumper mentions for fodtball, cycling and iathletics coming up; Football first and Harry icannot express his happiness for the reddest of iall the reds in the land. Forest's matter of fact Idumping of Spurs out of the League Cup must Surely and finally stem the negative spoudngs of shite from the doubters mouths who have insisted since Robin Hood's men dropped their first point that i t would be good bye premier league for Cloughie's men. Its true that in the cup competitions God is more on their side than; during the rest of the year but when a side plays this kind of football, this well, then even a Notts County suppKJrting statistician could not deny an imminent return to grace.; There has been no panic at the City Ground or even in the pubs of Nottingham, as everyone there is quietly confident that by ist of January 1993 it will be ; Pal^e or Sdme other unfortiinates at the bottom : of the table, and within a few months Forest will not only be mid-table but well on the road to their other ground, Wembley Stadium, for the 83rd time in four seasons. Onto cycling, and one > cyclist in particular, whose name fortunately remains unknown. What is known is that he/she has a thought processing capacity on a par with ; : that of an amoeba who came bonom of the remedial class at the amoeba school which came bottom of the recently published amoeba government education league tables. There is nothing unusual about two people locking their bikes to the same lamp-post, I'm all for giving mine the opportunity to exchange lubricating fluids and rub tubes with a good looking racy type, but if this mystery cycling entity is so shortsighted that he/she misses the lamp-post completely and ends up chaining their bike to mine, causing me a two hour wait, then I feel sorry for the HGV driver who encounters this manic Mr Mgoo cruising the wrong side of the
Blow For EC
LSE 4th XI: 7 UCL 7th XI: 0
Awindy andpissingcold rainy day in North Wales produced a strolling performance from a 4th team outfit as tight as Giant Haystack's wrestling trunks. The Goal-a-Rama started when Griffiths swung in a corner and ever-the-gambler Twitte powered home. At the back Stalker sewed things
up with his pacey, lithe eleven and a half stone of greyhoundesque sinew, in other words played the anchor role as the fat bastard of th e back. Pederson then leapt to catch Skarfstein's cross and threw it into the back of the net for the first of an uncompromising hat-trick. The UCLgoalie was
carried away and put in the bin with the rest of the rubbish after being cropped, and being crap, but it did not stem the flow of goals. Runa netted again and Pederson clipped home another. Granfeld had no saves to make, which many thought was a smorgasbord-sized slice of luck as

1 ,


t


•The A.U. Barrel"
The Great Donkey
rumours have it that he couldn't stop a pig in a passage inspite of idle boasts of former glory days in Scandinavian nets (this may pos.sibly have been referring to the fishing nets of Scandinavian trawlers mistaking him for our bl ubbery mammalian marine relative -ed). Once again UCL produced radars and heat sensors in order to locate the ball on a pitch the size of Robert Maxwell's overdraft. Staples then strolled through defender after defender after defender (try it with the ball at your feet next time -ed) sending Pederson through to get his second. Enter Bernie The Bolt' whose mercurial cross-come-shot produced a fine goal for himself (inspite of a certain midfielder being better placed to score). Gk)als, goals then goals, Pederson wrapped up his hat-trick and Skarfstein got another. UCL were rather sad, very bad, and a tad mad at being told they should take up a gentler sport, maybe bowls. Finally, if anyone has seen a pair of size eight and a half Gucci loafers please return them to Ian Staples as he left them on the coach home. Charlie Granfelt is not fat, he has just got over-developed stomach muscles.
IAN STAPLES
Race
Sponsored by Lard Lardson Pic and the EEC Lard mountain (doesn'the play for the fourth's? -ed) Much of the early football season has been dominated not by comparisons of power in the air, goal scoring prowess or dead ball accuracy, but by that old point of contention: speed. In fact it is lack of speed which has inspired football's fourteen finest to enter themselves for this 2000 guineas worth of extra virgin olive oil stakes at next weeks thrilling climax to the flat season, where the LAST past the post takes all. A packed New Maiden will witness this single furlong event, along with a Royal Guest to be announced, possibly the Queen of Denmark (Doesn't he play for the thirds? -ed). This is a maiden race so a surprise result is ever an option,
with two joint favourites at present; money's coming in at the bookies thick and fast and prices are volatile so keep your price if you see odds you like. The going is likely to be soft so don't pay too much attention to reputation or banter; the draw will have some effect favouring traps 1 and 2 nearest to the clubhouse. So, place your bets, gather round, an d wh en th e carrots run -
ningmay the slowestdon-key win. Stewards notes: - No.7, Michael Birnbaum, has been withdrawn after an eleventh h our stewards enquiry decided that even with blinkers his psycho tendencies could not be guaranteed to be quelled. -No.l5, Jurgie Jurgenson, is a non-runner as his trainer is investigating massive discrepancies between his dry weight and the 'bedtime' figure.
Richard Whitehall	6'5"	14st Evens
Charlie Grenfelt	6'1"	14st 21b 2/1
Eugene Stalker	5'2"	17st 91b 4/1
John Butler	6'0"	17st 5/1
Laurie Ryan	5'4"	13st 81b 8/1
Andy Graveson	4'2"	23st 31b 8/1
Tom Ran dell	5'9"	16st 10/1
Dave Rich	6'2"	18st 12/1
Christian Pederson	6'3"	19st 51b 14/1
Danny Beharall	6'0"	14st 50/1
Ian Staples	6'5"	list 41b 100/1
Geoff Robertson	5'0"	71b 3oz 200/1
Steve Hitch	8'5"	3st 81b 500/1
Zorro	9'9"	9st 91b
NOTICES
play cricket -its good
Indoor Cricket Nets at Lords Indoor School. 9-
10pm Tuesdays, throughout lent term. All members welcome, whites must be worn. St.
Johns Wood Tube Station. Contact A.U. for more information.
As from the beginning of next term only those with squash membership may play squash.
Unfortunately no guests will be allowed due to pressure on court time.