- 21111:199 5 K EAVER 1895 -1995 Issue -*22 The Newspaper of the London School of Economics Students' Union First published Ma> 5. 19-i9 May 1, 199S Ubrary stays shut on Sundays G. Antonio Sosa-Pascual The British Library of Political and Economic Science (BLPES)will remain closed on Sundays in the run-up to exams, contrary to expectations. The Library management, confronted with opposition from the library trade unions, the Association of University Teachers (AUT) and Unison, made the decision during the Easter holidays. The unwillingness of the unions to work on Sundays stems partly from the fact that they only learnt about the pilot Sunday opening shceme through The Beaver and had not been informed by the library management. Janet Richardson, a member of the Library staff, and branch treasurer of Unison, said the union was not opposed to Sunday opening of the BLPES. On the contrary, they were the only union willing to discuss the possibility of opening on Sundays with the library management. The AUT, the union representing senior staff in the library, rejected the proposition outright. It was left unclear whether the senior staff would have been paid for working on Sundays. Thus it appears that the library management wanted the senior staff to volunteer to supervise, without pay. Janet Richardson added that Unison was concerned about the security of students. The library management had not consulted the Transport and General Workers' Union, the trade union for security staff. Furthermore, the suggested opening hours, from noon to 7:00pm were thought to be inconvenient for the staff. Ms Richardson thought hours from 10:00am to 5:00pm would be more convenient. Ms Richardson also mentioned that the staff as well as students would find difficulties in finding cafeterias in the area open on Sundays. She agreed with Moreen Wayde, Sub-Librarian of Technical Services, that the library management needed more time to plan the types of services that would be available on Sundays. Concern was also expressed about the need for staff to have a 'resting day' when they could be with their families. For all these reasons the unions ruled out the Sunday opening of the library this term. Martin Lewis, the Students' Union General Secretary, who has faced some criticism regarding the non-opening of the Library, said that he was " extremely disappointed that the library is not going to open this term." He also stated that "as a Students' Union officer I understand that library unions want to protect their members. Unfortunately, it is the student body who are the ones to suffer." In his view, he argued a strong case to have the library open on Sundays but concluded that "the School's infrastructure could not deal with it." The possibility of the library opening on Sundays next year has not been ruled out, but, students and library staff will have to wait until the finances of the library are determined, and demand for opening has been assessed. Financial pressures also mean that any future opening on Sundays may have consequences for the quality of service during the remainder of the week, according to Ms Richardson. When asked about the possible lobbying for longer opening hours and twenty-four hour opening of the BLPES on weekdays. Moreen Wayde, thought that the main problem was practicality. She argued that in a School in the middle of London, students' demand for n J Students hard at work in the Library, but not on a Sunday library services were less than in a countryside campus, where students are close enough to be able to roll out of bed and go to the library at any time. In London, with the tube closing at midnight, only nearby students would benefit from long library opening hours, and all students would be more exposed Photo: Hania Midura to the danger that a large city at night represents. Students wanting to work between 7pm and 9am, will, however, be able to use a new study room, lobbied for by the Students' Union. Those wishing to use the room in A101, may do so on presentation of their ID cards at the Porters' Lodge. Student finance to go private? Helena McLeod News Editor The LSE's Press Officer, Iain Crawford, has submitted a paper recommending the privatisation of student loans to the Conservative Political Centre policy group on Higher Education. The paper, presented to a Central Office meeting last month, proposes inviting pen- sion funds or banks to take over the existing loan scheme from the Treasury. Students would repay loans through National Insurance Contributions, and would be able to borrow more than presently, enabling them to "attend elite institutions who charged fees." All political parties are currently revising their plans regarding the funding of student finance, and at their recent conference, the National Union of Students agreed that their policy of restoring grants to their 1979 level, was unworkable and impracticable. Top-up loans were introduced in 1990, accompanied by a freezing of the student maintenance grant and its subsequent cut by 30% over three years. The rapid expansion of Higher Education (HE) has caused funding per student to fall by an estimated 25% in real terms over the last five years. The present student finance scheme has come under fierce criticism. Earlier this year Ron Harrison, head of the Student Loans Company was sacked after an independent inquiry found he had misused company funds. Four in ten graduates are deferring loan repayment because their earning are less than 85% of average earnings and 2,500 graduates have been taken to court for nonpayment. Furthermore, even according to Treasury estimates, the . loan scheme is not expected to break even for another 20 years. Under the LSE proposal, the private sector would buy student debt, saving the Treasury money. Students would repay their debt over many years through the National Insurance system, and would be able to borrow enough to cover their living expenses. The loans could be made available to postgraduates and part-time students who currently get little help. Also parental contributions would be eliminated thus removing parental pressure, for example to follow a certain study area. Administratively, the scheme would be cheap as it would 'piggy back' on the existing administrative structure. Furthermore it would be income contingent, payments stopping after the loan has been repaid. The scheme would also please LSE Director John Ashworth as it would enable individual institutions to charge top up fees. 2 News THE BEAVER May 1,1995 Beawr Executive Editor Rachel Cuthbert Business Manager Scott Wayne Arts Editors Leila Butt Susha Lee-Shothaman Campus Editor David Whippe Features Editors Nicola Hobday Literary Editor Daniel Silverstone Music Editors Wayne Rogers Michael Goulding News Editors Helena Mcleod Nick Sutton Photographic Editors Anastasia Shorter Steven Hau Photographic Advisor Hania Midura Politics Editor Issam Hamid Production Assitants Priyanka Senedhira Alex Ellis Heidi Gomez Michel Lerner Sheila Patel Sports Editors Chris Cooper Angus Kinnear What's On Editor Valerie Handal Staff: Oliver Adelman, Joanna Arong, SkippyBamet,MarkBaltovic, Caroline Barnes, Graham Bell, Laure Beaufils, Hector Birchwood, Annika Bosenquet, T. James Brown, Jessica Chaffin, Rob Cheetham, Toby Childs, Adam Cleary, Sarah Clifford, Dan Coulcher, Mark Dantos, Sarah Davies, Gary Delaney, Teresa Delaney, Nick Retcher, N. P. Flywheel, Scouse Gardiner, Sarah Jane Gibbs, Deborah Goldemburg, Phil Gomm, Tom Greatrex, Kevin Green, Melissa Hall, Kate Hampton, Gerard Harris, Stephen Hau, Richard Heamden, Kerrie Henderson, Rusty Bullet Hole, Chris Hutchfield, Helen Jamieson, Dana Johnson, Nick Jones, Emma Justice, Sonia Kalsi, Sarita Khajuria, Hasan Khalid,Toby Krohn, Philip Lam, Claire Lawrie, Martin Lewis, Karen Lie, Dennis Lim, Sinead Logue,Alex Lowen, Duncan McGrath, Alex McLeish,Viv Mackay, Brent Macintosh, Dan Madden, Baljit Mahal, Fiona Maharg-Bravo, Stavros Makris, Nicky Maragliano, Jessica McCallin, Adam Morris, Deborah Narjar-Murat, Kaliq Nasir, David Nicholson, Viv Nunn, Emmanuel Ohajah, Ben Oliver, Sorrel Osboume, Sarah Owen, Antonio Sosa-Pascual, Judith Plastow, David Price, Zaf Rashid, Mervyn Rees, Luke Richardson, lain Roberts, Steve Roy, Silvia Santoro, Lincoln Schlei, James Shields, Matthew Smith, Rita Solanke, Asim Shi vj i, T ony Thirulinganathan, Philip Tod, Jimmy Trees, Ian Tumer, Ron Voce, Dave Whetham, Ralph Wilde, L. A. Wildethorpe, Ina Woyseth. and Hae-Yin Schlesinger at LSE Photo: Steve Hau Dr Helmut Schlesinger, former Chairman of the German Bundesbank, addressing a meeting at the School attended by Bank of England Governor Eddie George, with Dr John Ashworth, LSE Director as Chairman, LSE: Hotbed of socialism Judith Plastow and Katarina Rosen "A' JTVi celebration of the LSE and its historical association with the -Labour movement." This was the theme of the LSE Labour Club discussion last Monday. The guest speakers, all connected with the LSE, either as former students, teachers, or governors. Despite their shared political ideology, each speaker approached the topic from a different perspective. "Trade unions are no longer directly linked to the Labour Party in their role in the political arena" according to John Edmonds, General Secretary of the General Municipal and Boilermakers Union (GMB).Trade unions are today facing a choice: to move away from the political process completely or to pursue "social partnership". Margaret Hodge MP presented her thoughts on women in politics and the relationship between central and local government. Referring to the re-writing of Clause IV, she spoke of the change in Labour's values taking it into the next millenium. Chairing the panel was Ben Pimlott, Professor of Contemporary History at Birkbeck College, who gave a brief history of the LSE with respect to its influence on the Labour movement. Highlighting the LSE's past roles as a secular temple of "no nonsense rationalism" - its pursuit of truth without the flambouyance of Oxbridge, and its ill-founded reputation as a "hotbed of socialism", he spoke of the impact the LSE had had on shaping Britain's social development. His concern that the LSE was prostituting itself to the market place, and failing to recruit poorer working class students was echoed by Lord Judd. A lengthy and occasionally heated debate followed with questions from the floor. Issues raised centred mainly on the lack of enthusiam in today's labour movement with comparison to that of 50 years ago. A more light hearted revelation came from Margaret Hodge. In her 3 years at the LSE she wrote just one essay, failed 2 of her finals and still got a 3rd class degree. There is hope for us all yet! Dr Alan Sked MP? Imogen Shilllto International History academic Dr Alan Sked is planning to stand as a candidate for his own Europhobe party in the next election. The UK Independence Party is now the fourth most popular in the country and was founded after concerns about the Maastricht treaty. As an expert in European history and a speaker of several languages, he denies being anti-European but claims it is "un-European" to make a group of diverse countries into one single state, "only lunatics and dictators have tried it," he comments. The centralisation of Europe will make it bureaucratic and unaccountable and will not yield the economic benefits that are widely claimed according to Sked. He fears it will lead to a right-wing backlash, that has already been seen in France. His party is non-rascist and non-sectarian aiming to "uphold parliamentary tradition and democracy," supporting accountable government and the right to self-determination, rather than campaigning on a purely negative position. After the recent fishing dispute he is reputed to stand "a very good chance" in the Hastings constituency in the next election. Higgins set to be world judge Peter Udeshi The LSE has reason to be filled with immense pride as Professor Rosalyn Higgins of the Law Department has been nominated, and seems destined to become, the first woman judge to sit on the bench at the International Court of Justice, also known as the World Court. Professor Higgins said she is naturally aware of the precedent she is setting but admits that it is not an "enormous issue" for her. However, it does please her that "a lot of people out there are very pleased at the prospect of a first woman judge." She prefers to think of herself as a professional international lawyer. Diplomats have emphasised that Professor Higgins would be elected on her merits and not because of any affirmative action to put a woman on the bench. Sadly, Professor Higgins will not be teaching in the next academic year and she says she certainly will miss it. The LSE with its "great strength in international law" and enviable position as "one of the great Law Schools" certainly played a role in her nomination. Finally, Professsor Higgins would like to say, "I have really enjoyed teaching international law here. I feel I have had a very good rapport with the students throughout all my years here and we have enjoyed each other's company. I hope that their interest in international law has been well fostered and that they will stay close to the subject whether as professional international lawyers or as people who watch it from some other profession, but with understanding and interest." Dr Alan Sked Photo: Beaver Staff THE BEAVER May 1,1995 News 3 LSE 'crams' them in James Brown To most students, 'cramming' has only seasonal significance; a desperate attempt to stuff vacant space with knowledge useful in exams. But to students at the LSE, 'cramming' may become a.permanent feature of life. Indeed, some argue that it already is. Students and staff have been complaining about overcrowded lectures, jam-packed catering facilities and cramped offices for years. Efforts have been made to meet these criticisms by acquiring other buildings. However, as a report on the School's Estate Strategy reveals, this policy is having the effect of making the situation worse. A look at the proposals by the LSE for its failed bid for County Hall in 1992 illustrates this. At the time, LSE occupied 400,000 sq ft. The proposal involved moving to County Hall for the sum of £50m, giving the LSE 880,000 sq ft - an increase of over 100%. This was to be financed by an increase in full-time students of 50% over 1991/92 numbers (to 6,279) and par'-time students by 100%. The move would have meant less crowding. And at a bargain price. With the bid's rejection the LSE turned to the Aldwych area seeking expansion. Since 1992, leases have been acquired for Ty mes Court and 20 Kingsway, and in 1996 the refurbishment of Clement House will be complete. Deducting next year's loss of the Columbia Students crowd in Houghton Street Photo: Hania Midura House lease, this totals 50.000 sq ft. Whilst this extra space will be welcomed, its growth is outstripped by that of student numbers. By 1996/97 the School plans to have 5,160 full-time students, 25% more than 1991/92, with only a 12.5% increase in space. The income generated by these extra students is, however, financially vital. The failure of non-academic sources of finance, such as the LSE Foundation, to raise substantial sums of mo,ney for capital projects ensures that students will bear the brunt of higli property costs for the foreseeable future. The Estate Strategy suggests that £20m would be needed to buy 75,000 sq ft in the Aldwych area; at that rate County Hall would have been good value at £200m. Clement House, for example, will have cost £12m for only 35,000 sq ft. So, paradoxically, increasing student numbers is the only way to expand if, as one School administrator put it, "the academic and student communities still refuse to accept the logic of other options". 'Other options', however do not go down well; they include top-up fees and moving the undergraduate school to a cheaper site. Unless a different solution is found, the increase in student numbers looks likely to continually outstrip any increase in space. Even this is not without its problems; some academics fear that student quality will suffer, leading to an undesirable increase in 'vacant space'. Cramming is not the best way to study for exams; nor is it the best way to run a university. Starkey on top at Talk Radio UK Toby Childs The much trumpeted, but little listened to, Talk Radio UK has one beacon of hope in its otherwise unsuccessful attempt to break into the commercial radio market. Dr David Starkey, of the LSE's International History Department, defies the general trend by drawing their highest audience - a modest 70,000 -in his Saturday morning phone-in show. Revelling in the label 'rudest man in Britain', Starkey believes his success is due to his forthright attitude and extreme openness in expressing his views. Critics argue that he is self obsessed and has taken his characteristic abruptness to a ridiculous level, although it resembles a necessary adaptation for the market as experience in the USA indicates. \ His media career began with occasional appearances on the BBC's Any Questions, where he rapidly established himself as a media personality, delighting in thfe art of calculated insult and a complete absence of respect which soon cultivated a devoted following as well as a less admiring body. His most notorious outburst was in condemning an entire audience as ignorant, attributing their applause to the space between their ears. In common with many academics at the LSE, the media are a useful source of income, although no-one has exploited the opportunity to such an extent as Dr Starkey, whose status as the major presenter of a minor station hangs in the balance as the company attempts to capture an audience. Too much power for proprietors? Kve Pollard and Loyd Grossman at a moeting organised by the LSE Media Group Photo: Anastasia Shorter Judith Piastow A plethora of celebrities descended on the School for the LSE Media group di.scussion "Editors and Proprietors: Always Enemies?" last week. Loyd Grossman, fomier LSE student, and host of TV's Masterchef took the Chair with his usual wit, firing questions at the panel and inviting comment ft-om the audience. There was general agreement that newspaper proprietors were too powerful. Jacob Ecclestone, Deputy General Secretary of the National Union of Journalists argued that there was an "enormous lack of accountability in newspapers" while David Banks, Editorial Director of Mirror Group Newspapers, believed that excessive proprietorial power stemmed from owning "too many" publications. Inevitably the question of Rupert Murdoch was raised, with his harassment of editors compared to that ofLord Beaverbrook, the infamous press baron of the 1930s. Eve Pollard, novelist and former editor of the Sunday Express diplo- matically stated that not everyone - including herself- had suffered his interference, "you can only take whatyou find" was theagreementfrom Banks. Regulation of the press was another topic hotly debated. Ecclestone lamented the Press Complaints Commission as "pathetic". Banks, conversely, believed that the guarantee of a newspaper's common decency and accuracy is the joumalisLs that work with it, and their bond with the editor is the guarantee of standards. An audience memberusingtheexampleof'sleazc", was quick to point out that journalistic integrity is at an all time low. Pollard, drawing on her experience at the Sunday Express last September, argued that if an editordidnot like thebehaviourof the proprietor, they should ultimately "vote with their feet and leave." Although this option may be feasible for an editor with a well-paid husband, and for whom another job will be ea.sy to find, such a decision might not be so clearcut for the lowly joumalist whose conscience must be reconciled with their dependence on a weekly wage. T Union' Jack ' In tribute to the fastidious efforts made by Martin Lewis on behalf of the Students' Union over the last four years. Jack being • generous of spirit and sound of mind, deemed it appropriate that she should stand aside on this occasion and leave the description of events at his final ever UGM to the man himself, General Secretary, Martin Lewis,., v . i'-'Smcethe Second we^'iof my fitsf'|Srm:at-:: the LSE 1 have been involved in the political activity of this Union. During that lime f have held every singleposition possible. It is down ¦ to my own personal influence and skill that the LSE Foundation exists and is in such a healthy position, and it is my political acu-men behind the continued record of success of the Liberal Democrats at all levels, from the European Parliament to the National Union of Students. However. I continue to assert my long-held and princ ipled belief that national politics has no p;u1 whatsoever to ;;;{;|^:in-;the pol^^ pfthe-Studente' Union, This is of course why I have continued to stand as an independent throughout iny long, varied and might J add distinguished LSE -career. National Union of Students Confer-differ^t mattiSt;- ....^ 1 must admit that the prospect of leaving the LSE is something which does not come f easy to me, for it has been my life for four : years. How I shall cope without it is a trial I have yet to fully come to terras with. Yet it is how the Students' Union will cope without me which is a much more difficult prospect to ice to the Union that i have turned down several enticing offers of employment made to me during the past yeiir when my service to the Union has been nodced and acknowledged by the great and the good. The United Nadons,: Carlton TV, NUS Vice-President, all have been turned down by me, simply because they would have meant me resigning my post mid-term and plunging the Union into the undoubted oblivion that would exist upon my exit. In all honesty, 1 simply could not do that to my Union. My studcnb; deserve ; better from me, and they Have quite rightly become accustomed to ex(>ect the best from , me. 1 must admit that 1 am a little confused that the lucrative offers of employment seem; ¦ to have dried up of late as my term of Presi-dential {sorr}% General Secretarial, but I itl----.; ; ways think that Presidential sounds better and sums up my own influential role in the Union far more satisfactorily) office draws to a close. As I was saying to my friend, .lustin Deaville, only yesterday, it is undoubtedly true that if there were more Liberal Democrat MPs 1 would be a researcher for one of them now. My future lies in the House of Com-monSi but I am not too big a man toadmit diat there are people within the LSE who may get there before me, but obviously I am far better suited to it. What of the future? Well, I was concerned that there seemed to be nobody in a :: fine enough position to step into my high-heeled shoes as I depart and coiuinue with the good work I have done for this Union. The Lewis legacy, even though 1 say it myself, is daunting. I have achieved hundreds of extra places in Senate House library for my students, 1 have created a new user-friendly logo for the Union, 1 have got the BLPES open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The Lewis constitution means that all Union activiues are running smoother than ever before, and I believe that is something which will be talked about for years to come; and of course a series of j..^wis initiatives have revitalised the great debating chamber that is the Union General Meeting, and,,..(continued on page 43) 4 Politics THE BEAVER May 1,1995 A tragedy in Venice An analysis of the Simpson trial Mark McCrory A dramatic fall from hero to villain, a brutal murder, an undercurrrent of racial tension. All this points to the haggard figure of Orenthal James Simpson sitting in a Los Angeles courtroom. In fact OJ's vacant expression and grimly set jaw has become an image for our times, flashed up onto the screen or on the front page to provoke a Pavlovian reaction of horror pity but above all, fascination. This voyeuristic fascination is not, however, restricted to CNN viewers. Recently, outwardly respectable citizens of London paid large sums of money to see a similiar story unfold at the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden. I am speaking of 'Othello', Verdi's reworking of Shakespeare's tragedy, written four centuries ago. The stories are strikingly similiar - Othello, a Moor in the service of the Venetian army has just returned to Cyprus after having destroyed the Turkish invasion fleet, to the adulation of thousands. OJ, by contrast, has achieved his 'hero' status in a way more suited to the all American twentieth century - by donning a helmet and shoulder pads and doing battle with the Dallas Cowboys, followed by numerous advertising and film spinoffs. Marriage for the 'poor boy, made good' then beckoned with a beautiful Pamela Anderson type, complete with flowing golden locks. She was called Nicole in OJ's case, Desdemona in Othello's. All this would make for a reasonable fairy tale except for two things, common to both stories. The firstis that both Simpson and Othello were fish out of water in the sense that their skin colour was different from those around them - and most significantly from their wives. Although they were feted by their overwhelmingly white societies (the rich of Beverly Hills and the Cypriots respectively), you were never quite sure whether they were This voyeuristic fascination is not, however unique to CNN viewers ... fully accepted. Even in the America of the nineties mixed race marriages are still a delicate area. Secondly a rift begins to open up between man and wife due to the husband's violent jealousy. Desdemona is obviously guiltless and we don't know about Nicole just yet. Our gaze is drawn away from the wives and supposed lovers to the monstrous jealousy of the husband and his slow descent into ultimate madness. 'Othello' ends withabody count that makes Tarantino look like Merchant-Ivory while OJ's tale results in that infamous highway chase and the figure in the dock. The OJ prosecution team pleaded with us not to dehumanise and forget the victims, but it was far too late for that! There is however one crucial element of Shakespeare's play not present in the Simpson case. This is the presence of'Iago -Othello's trusted lieutenant who engineers his jealousy and gloats in the terrible aftermath. The frightening thing is lago's lack of a reasonable motive. Othello doesn't give him the promotion he is looking for, but even so, his reaction does seem a trifle excessive. Society would not survive if every office worker were to wreak havoc on their boss every time they missed out on being office supervisor (bosses of privatised utilities may be an exception here). lago tries to explain his actions by saying that he is evil simply because man is evil. I am not going to discuss this philosophical point here but it does seem a bit of a feeble defence - a bit like a bank robber justifying his crime by pleading Adam, who originally pilfered the apple from the garden of Eden, as an ancestor. All this brings me back to lago's absence from the OJ saga. If lago is meant to be the mirror in which we can all see the evil Othello and OJ: a couplc of mugs Photo: Library of mankind darkly reflected, then I think that the iiedia circus surrounding the Simpson trial performs this role quite admirably. We see it all in ugly graphic detail - the morbid fascination with death and murder, the malicious excitement at seeing our heroes being cut to size and most damning of all, the relegation of real tragedy to pure entertainment. OJ as truimphant football player, OJ as vicious murderer, OJ as scowling defendant — it's all one and the same in this great spectacle brought to us by our very own interactive information superhighway! Note: This is not suitable reading material for any member of the OJ Simpson case jury. Any assumptions as to Mr Simpsons guilt or innocence are purely coincidental! KEMINDER TO ALL NATWEST CUSTOMERS: Remember to collect your re-issued plastic cards from NatWest Aldwych before 16 May 1995. After this date, cards with the old sorting code (603000) will be invalid. The new Aldwych branch on Houghton Street will reopen Monday 12 June 1995. A NatWest THE BEAVER May 1,1995 WhafsOn 5 Monday 1 May Afl^0l^inptt^ Tm^CPnf< WpflnC^ICfl CO m I Where will you be living next year? All your housing questions answered! Talk by the London University accommodation office Hiesday 2 May Carr-Saunders Hall at 7.15pm Thursday 4 May Rosebery Hall at 7.45pm Worried about exams? ^eed someone to talk to? London Nightline at ULU We are a helpline run by students for students in London offering confidential help and information and someone to talk to. We are open from 30 April to 1 June, 7 days a week 6pm - Sam 0171 436 5561 London Nightline at ULU: Registered Charity No. 1015744 THE NATURIST FOUNDATION Registered Charity No. 271420 Invites you to benefit from its charitable objects: the provision of outdoor recreational facilities, with priority to young people and families:- LARGE SWIMMING POOL MANY GAMES COURTS -JOGGING CIRCUIT WOODLAND WALKS SUNBATHING LAWNS CHILDREN'S PLAYGROUND THE BONUS: AN ALL OVER SUNTAN, GAINED SAFELY Write now for details to Barbara Jones, The Naturist Foundation, Naturist Headquarters, Orpington BR5 4ET. Handbook:'Naturism 200' £3.50 Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, Jobs Part-time temporary positions available on campus for outgoing, enthusiastic second and third year, MSc and PhD students with excellent communication and interpersonal skills. Must be able to work 2 evenings per week, Monday to Thursday, from 6pm until 10pm contacting alumni of the University on behalf of the LSE. Starting salary will be £5/ hour. Students required immediately as part-time clerical staff for approx. 10 hours per week commencing immediately. Must have excellent organisational skills, and be reliable and honest. It is important that you are able to work on own initiative. Position includes some use of database therefore suitable applicants must be competent with computers. Starting salary will be £4.75/hour. Contact Andrew Harvey c/o LSE Foundation on 0171 955 6768 'iAccessFluid full-time, undergraduate and post graduke students under certain conditions are eligible to apply to the Access Fund subject to the continued availibility of funds Further information and application foims are available from the Scholarships office Room H209 during normal opening hours ^ iia NOTICES NOTICES NOTICES LSE ULTIMATE FRISBEE IS BACK Sundays 1pm Speaker's Comer Hyde Park (Marble Arch Tube). For more info call Jeff at 0171 328 3762 or Email Rabin@LSE.AC.UK LIBRARY BOOK SALE In the Library conference room 10am -6pm on Thursday 4 May. All books £l-£5 Social sciences subjects-unwanted and duplicate gifts, plus some redundant course collection stock. All staff, students and users of the library welcome. ONE DAY ONLY SALE MATHS AND STATS CUMBERLAND LODGE WEEKEND 16-18 June 1995. For more information see Dagmar in S206. OXFAM ABINUKU ADVENTURE WEEKEND 23-25 JUNE For more information call Noa 0171 955 6785. Support fundraising film Nikita 7pm New Theatre Thursday 4 May. £1 entry. ¦ ¦ ¦ I I I I I ¦ I I I Wanted. Part time Union receptionist for academic year 1995-96 Contact Alice Kington E65 during this summer term with this form Name: Term time address: Telephone: Year of study: ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ I ¦ I I I I I I 6 Features THE BEAVER May 1,1995 bina* and an ArmaAUla liU NHS at A full house and some party lines as we passed policy at NUS Conference '95. Ron Voce, who else, tells It like It was. *r'tr m 37 22 5A 27 45 7» 55 ^ . fl,esete«\ .¦Speatone ' ortei 40 conW ',?dele8®°®" *" M t2<*> ' NUS Conference takes place in Blackpool over the spring vacation and represents the high point of student representation within Great Britian. Students from all over England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland gather in Blackpool to discuss policy, vote on it and elect its new officers. A byproduct of this, many people believe, for the further education and higher education students is a four day holiday in sunny Blackpool. CAN I SEE 150 CARDS ? In reality this is not so. NUS may ensure a collective voice for all students nationally, legal representation and advice when needed and a host of other services, but NUS Conference only ensures that by the last morning, very few delegates make it to the 9am start due to lack of sleep and most probably a serious hangover. THERE CLEARLY ARE NOT Before you quibble at the waste involved, it should be noted that Conference does not run 9am to 5pm but 9am to 11pm, with two one and a half hour breaks for lunch and an evening meal. It is this schedule that makes NUS so tiring. Also after each Conference session, there are caucusses for Martin Lewis on the hust delegates. These are where like minded students, such as Labour, Jewish, Black and Lesbian Gay and Bisexual, meet to discuss what is going on, what will go on and in some caucusses, mentioning no names«Jwli«Jfl,)«JtsJEor]^^j^^j Without being there, you cannot get to grips with the emotion, rhetoric, humour and sometimes complete utter bollocks that goes on at conference. But seriously, we discussed the peace process in Northern Ireland and changed our policy on it and during the discussion on Higher Education Funding, both Martin Lewis and Kate Hampton spoke on the issue, helping to carry several crucial votes. THERE CLEARLY ARE NOW I hope some snippets I have included on these two pages give you an idea of what goes on and if you wish to sample it for yourself I can wholeheartedly recommend it having been on more than several occasions myself. However, you will have to wait until next year but then, anticipation is half the fun. MOTION FALLS Oh... if you do go, say hello to me 'cause I'll probably be there next year as well. THE BEAVER May 1,1995 Features 7 Th e A r madi U o On the way into confer- their computers, they brought ence every session you us every morning the news of are bombarded with paper Conference promising that through what has become "Nothing in this publication is known as "The Tunnel". true or eyer likely to be" it Apart from .the usual was a good job too. SWSS, Left Unity and Labour The Armadillo look the piss diatribes you occasionally have out of the NEC, the hard left, arealgem thrust at you. Every SWSS and some Squirreisv year there is one. It is read by They even presented the end of all from the hard left to the hard Conference Armadillo awards right, from the NEC to the ob- including the world famous servers for the simple reason "Jimmy Mill Award for Talking that it is funny. Bollocks Glibly" to Steve Hale Yes, ^ongst all the seri- for trying to explain how to take: ousness of Conference, a part a motion in'parts'. of the delegation from the Uni- In closing, the Armadillo versity of Plymouth consisted stated that "We reserve the right of the outgoing and incoming to wear wellies and drive our Editors of their newspaper, brand new combine harvestr Working late into the night on ers." CONFERENCE TOP 10 COURTKSYOFNCyrnNGHAM UNI 10 Tell Me Lies _ Left Unity 9 EverythingXDo 1 Po ForYou Constitution and Steeiing; 8 Shout RosifiWard 7 Better The Devil You Know Ian Moss 6 Puppet On A String National Executive 5 Me^yself,! Louise Ashon 4 Da Itoo Ron Ron Labour Students 3 Land Of Make Believe SWSS 2 I Should Be So Lucky Edward Lord 1 I Will Survive Jim Murphy True blue Lord Edward Lord Edward Lord, the official Conservative and Unionist candidate was reelected onto the National Executive Committee (NEC). During the hustings for President, Lord had called NUS "diseased" but was still delighted to be re-elected to the NEC although many students behind where we were sitting were still questioning his parentage. Lord said that "although there is no official Conservative caucus at Conference there are obviously a few delegates, some Independents for instance, who are Conservatives and if NUS is supposed to represent all students then NUS can only become stronger with a Conservative voice on the NEC." On the last morning. Lord Photo: RonVoce chaired Conference and announced that he was "very proud" to be doing so as it had been over 20 years since a Conservative student had done so." Although a couple of 405A's were moved in halfhearted attempts to remove him he was there at the end to close Conference with the words, "Thank you and goodbye!" Vice-President Weifape 1: Tiie Vote for RON Vice-President Weifare il: Photo: Ron Voce Tiie Sequei If the "Grand National That Never Was" was a farce then NUS contrived to provide most delegates with another farce courtesy of one Ian Moss of Labour Students and the fact that he failed to sign his nomination form. This failure effectively gave Conference two choices. A vote for Kevin Sexton, who had been VP Welfare before or to vote for RON. RON is reopen nominations, it is a means for Conference to say we don't want any of the candidates that are standing but want another choice. Labour Students effectively mobilised a RON vote, claiming that "NUS should not be robbed of a real choice". Conference split either pro-Sexton or pro-RON with RON proving the victor 573 to 398 votes and that evening in our Hotel bar, Kevin Sexton and Labour Student delegates eye-balled each other as they planned their tactics for the following day. A new vote was called for the next evening, when many new candidates stood including Moss and Sexton. Most just wanted to say "Vote for Kevin Sexton" and then withdrew, but it backfired. Ian Moss made his speech, the votes were cast and he walked it. i Kevin Sexton of Left Unity: You either love him or hate him Photo: Ron Voce 8 Features THE BEAVER May 1,1995 Svunmer holiday How to make your holiday a travel packed extravaganza! Nicola Hobday Probably the only thing that will be keeping, us going through the coming exam period is that which lies beyond: the four month expanse of blissful summer holiday. Some may have already planned their vacation plans but for those of us who are less well organised the agonising decision over what to do with all this time has to be made. You could apply for a job in a commercial bank and work all summer augmenting your CV in a mind numbing office, become a moronic vegetable by watching Ann, Nick, Richard, Judy et al on the television all day, you could start studying for next year's exams, or you could take yourself off to sunny climes and have months packed with sun, exploration and travel. Some may be thinking about working abroad. These vacation jobs can often comprise of tourist related jobs; hotels and summer camps are a rich source of seasonal employment. With these kinds of jobs accommodation is usually provided which is a bonus when working away from home. Working your way around the world may sound fantastic but remember that visas and permits can be a problem. There are some golden opportunities in the EC countries and with organisations like Camp America and BUNAC you could spend a summer in the USA. Doing voluntary work over the summer is a good way to gain experience in a field you wish to enter when leaving college if you can afford to support yourself all summer. Many of these voluntary jobs abroad allow time before or after working so it can be an excellent opportunity to see the world and embellish your CV. Be warned that some organisations like Camp America do not allow their staff to smoke, drink or have sex, should any of these things be important to you... For those of you who are planning to make the most of their long summer holi- m 'i days, travelling around Europe by train with the Inter-Rail pass is undoubtedly one of the best ways to see all the places in Europe you could want. Probably the greatest attraction lies in its total flexibility and in its scope for making your holiday exactly what you want it to be. Horror stories that make out that travelling in Europe by train necessarily entails endless hours sitting on the floor of an ancient train, followed by only ten minutes in each European city staggering around with rucksacks do not have to be true. There is a time limit on the pass so therefore it is more advisable not to attempt to squeeze in as many countries as possible. An Inter-Rail pass can be used to create a totally relaxing, trouble free holiday that takes in perhaps two or three countries and allows you to travel at a pace that suits you. Just visiting a few countries by rail is now even easier and better value for money as there are now seven zonal Inter-Rail passes that allow you total freedom on the railways of just a few countries, so you only pay for the countries that you visit. Prices start from £179 for fifteen days and two or three zone combinations are also possible. Some of those who would prefer to bask on a sunny island before or after travelling can also do so with the Inter-Rail pass. Travelling down to Athens and then visiting the Greek Islands is a very popular route taken by Inter-Railers. With over 78 islands connected by ferry services the choice could be difficult. Thomas Cook publish 'The Thomas Cook Guide to Greek Island Hopping 1995' (£10.95) which can help you to make the difficult decision a to which islands are best for your itinerary. Thomas Cook actually publish a range of books which are designed to help the Inter-Railer. Probably the most useful is that which is known as the "rail travellers bible," The Thomas Cook European Timetable (£7.90). It is a useful guide to avoid missed departures and wasted long hours waiting for trains. It is the only timetable available that covers all of Europe's railway services and it is updated monthly to ensure as much accuracy as possible. In addition to this there is On The Rails Around Europe (£9.95) which would suit the backpacker on a budget and those with a bit more cash. It has recommended routes linking travellers' favourite cities and advise on finding accommodation which can be extremely useful once your way. Finally Thomas Cook offer handy little phrase book for those of you horrified at the thought of wildly improvising sign language to station master in Poland. The European Travellers Phrase book (£4.95) contains useful everyday phrases in twelve European languages. STA Travel, who have an office in The Cafe in the Students Union, do a very good range of deals for students. In a recent survey STA came out as having the cheapest round the world tickets out of all the travel agents in the country. The round the world ticket lasts for one year and it allows you nine stops at foreign destinations. For example you could travel from London to New York to Los Angeles to Seoul to Taipei to Hong Kong to Chiang Mai to Bangkok to Kathmandu to Delhi to London from £647. If all this sounds a little to exhausting they offer cheap flights to almost anywhere in the world. They also sell Inter-Rail tickets and the advantage of buying any ticket with STA is the flexibility that you get with dates and cancellations. The staff are well travelled themselves and so for a first time traveller who is slightly nervous it can be comforting to speak to someone who can advise you with first hand knowledge. STA also has an International Help Desk which will help you if you have lost your ticket or your friend (apparently this has happened). At STA many guide books are on sale covering all possible destinations. The most often recommended of these is the Lonely Planet range of books. They publish books covering 160 destinations in their range. These books are packed with advice on where to stay, what to see and how much to pay covering destinations as close as Britain and as far away as Brazil. The guides were the inspiration for the television series Lonely Planet which visited many exotic locations. There will be a second series which will be shown on Wednesday nights at 8.30 on Channel 4 from the end of June. Competition Time I I I Lucky, lucky readers. You have the chance of winning two Inter-Rail passes worth | I £249 each along with Thomas Cook travellers cheques to the value of £100. Ten ¦ I runners-up will each receive a copy of Thomas Cook's On The Rails Around Europe. ! I All you have to do is jot down on a postcard the answers to the two following questions: ' ' 1. What is the name of the Inter-Railer's "bible"? I I 2. How many Greek Islands are accessible by regular ferry services? I I Please include your name, address, your age and the name of your college on the I I postcard and send it by the 31 May 1995 to Thomas Cook/Inter-Rail competition, PO | I Box 227, Peterborough, PE3 8BQ. | I Even luckier readers you also have the chance to win one of five Lonely Planet | I books being given away. All you have to do is put the answers these questions and your ¦ I name and address on a postcard and hand it in to STA Travel office in the Students . j Union. ' ¦ 1. How many offices do STA have in Australia? " I I 2. How does Richard Branson recommend avoiding swollen feet whilst flying? I I 3. How many destinations do Lonely Planet have in their range? I I (To answer the first two questions you might need to read the STA Travel Guide free | I from STA). On your entry form could you please specify which country or area you | I wish to win the book on. Lonely Planet also provides a free quarterly newsletter called | I Planet Talk packed with travel tips, articles and health advice. If you wish to receive | I this then clearly mark PT on your competition entry. . THE BEAVER May 1,1995 Alts 9 Pitt the younger Stephen Lloyd goes west with the latest Hollywood epic family saga Legends of the -J^aCC Director: Edward Zwick Odeon Leicester Square, MGM Chelsea, UCI Whiteleys s J 1 Arms and the man - Brad Pitt as Tristan ome films are born epics, some achieve epic status and others try so hard they may as well be considered epics, damn it. Legends of the Fall has all the right ingredients: one unblemished off-the-shelf American landscape, one ageing English actor (played extremely accurately by Anthony Hopkins), one future Robert R e d f o r d with obligatory off-the-shoulder length hair, and horses in all the right places. This year's Oscars saw it pick up three awards, although as- tonishingly not collecting 'dullest film title'. But it's bloody long. An hour into the film, and at exact five minute intervals thereafter perfect end-points spring up but the film clocks in at over two hours. The first half is good - in fact, if F d been kicked out halfway through for munching my popcorn too loudly, I would have pronounced it one of the best films so far this year. It's also more American than Macauley Culkin but as for the second half, well..... William Ludlow (Anthony Hopkins) is an ex-cavalry officer, who quit the army because he disagreed with the government's treatment of the western tribes and probably their policy on false moustaches as well. He settles in the foothills of the Montana Rockies to live the American dream. Here he raises his three sons Alfred (Aidan Quinn), Samuel (Henry Thomas) and the untameable wild Tristan (Brad Pitt). The film follows their lives with subplots galore and focuses on their love for one woman (Julia Ormond). Most of the actors are killed off eventually, perhaps they ran out of cash - even Fort Knox would have problems funding this one - but the effect is nearly as stunning as some first year government and history students. The Academy award for best cinematography was certainly well deserved and the soundtrack good enough for me to part with some money to get a copy. The film's main problem was its attempt to condense the social change that took place in America over a large part of this century into a couple of hours. This resulted in a unintentionally farcical Anthony Hopkins as an extremely old man, and a rather boring second half. Nevertheless Brad Pitt played Tristan with charismatic panache, pulling off possibly the best performance of his career (obviously excluding True Romance). All in all Legends of the Fall is a spectacular but lengthy film. Oh Susannah - Julia Ormond as the leading lady Out of die ordinary A strip club is the unlikely setting for a film that deals with love, loss and pain. Danny Silverstone reviews is both enhanced and transcended by an inspirational score. Egoyan's choice of house, rap, Schubert and the inimitable Leonard Cohen is indicative of his broadmindedness. This breadth is replicated in his ability to capture the jadedness of mis-spent youth, as well as the ExoUcq Director: Atom Egoyan Lumiere, Renoir, Clapham Picture House T^xotica is the most com- XZ/plex, suggestive and rewarding film of this year. After the incomprehensible Adjuster, Canadian director Atom Egoyan has finally found the correct mix of depth and coherence. This is achieved through the pre-eminence of his main location, the strip bar Exotica, which keeps his deliberately tortured plot compelling. In a beautifully structured beginning, Egoyan lets the camera drift from person to person unwilling to create any definite characters. Towards the end this veil is torn away to reveal an intricate web of connections between the participants and their secrets. The foremost of these is a Francis, a tax-auditor with a mysteriously missing family whose loss he tries to assuage by visiting Exotica. Running parallel to his intense relationship with the stripper Christina is a working relationship with Thomas (Don McKellar) a pet store owner with a predilection for exotic animals and bizarre sexual behaviour. Overshadowing them all is the embittered, volatile compere Eric who cannot forget his relationship with Christina (Mia Kirschner). Dominating the plot and crucial for Exotica's success is Egoyan's visual style. The mood is always saturnine and erotically charged. The sombre lighting works to reinforce our feeling that something is hidden or obscured by the dark. As the characters probe their subconscious we strain for clues on the screen. Thus occasionally when illuminatioii is prof- Francis (Bruce Greenwood) and Christina (Mia Kirschner) fered it hits us with searing intensity. The only time we are away from the tainted city, we are in a wild open field, in which the only scene of innocent communication takes place under the threat of impending doom. This perpetual claustrophobia naive adolescent thirst for knowledge. Egoyan's world is a complicated one and he refuses to fetishise any of our normal obsessions. The bawdiness of the strip club is offset by the extremely advanced pregnancy of the club owner (played by Arsinee Khanjian, Egoyan's wife) who perversely is the most sexually predatorial character in the film. Instead of predictably observing physical sexuality, we see the strange rituals and confusions which form its boundaries. Effortlessly multi-ra-cial, cross-generational and mixed sexually, Egoyan can concentrate on the more personal pain people feel, and the strange ways they exoticise dealing with it. Exotica has the hypnotic power to lure you into another world. It is the modern world, with prosaic jobs, safe cars and d e s i n e r clothes and portable computers. Yet beneath it simmers the visceral and often appalling capacity for human hurt and pain. Exotica through its concentration on our mechanisms for dealing with this pain, evokes both these realities. Atom Egoyan set out to "manipulate time in order to reach the subconscious of the viewer". He has succeeded completely. ¦ Photo: Artificial Eye 10 Music THE BEAVER May 1,1995 Singles of the week Reviewed with as much imagination as the title...... Sleeper Vegas (Revolution) r ve got about 200CD' s to get through that were released over Easter so please forgive me if some of them like this one are over a month old. Vegas is another typical Sleeper song and as a consequence there's bugger all I can say new about it. If you like Sleeper you'll probably like it I suppose. Boo Radleys . Find the answer within (Creation) I really do not like the direction the Boo Radleys have headed. They've completely discarded everything that made them good and gone for something completely different. Mind you, you can't argue with it seeing as how their album went in at number one. Their latest release will achieve just as much success I expect. Teenage Panclub Sparky's Dream (Creation) They really know how to disappoint someone do Teenage Fanclub. Their last single Mellow Doubt was easily one of the best songs this year and then they follow it up with this. I'm not happy, it's a bad habit of theirs and I wish they'd stop it. Moonhead Forever (IRP) Moonhead are a nice poppy-rocky type standard band and this is a standard song. It has the jrotential to be something but sadly it isn't. I could smell a future hit from them as they know what they're doing and they're not far off. Unfortunately for them this song is going nowhere. Ash Kung-Fu (Bad Moon) This single should be bought purely for the front cover. It depicts a certain Frenchman practising his Kung-Fu on a Crystal Palace fan. Problem is that inevitably the song is shite. It was apparently written in 5 minutes on Boxing day '94 and they made a point of telling us. Maybe if they'd spent a little longer they might have come up with an idea for a song. Maybe not. Neds Atomic Dustbin All I Ask Of Myself Is That 1 Hold Together (Bad Moon) I've been waiting for years for them to release some new material so I was quite excited to clutch this between my paws and I sped home instantly. I was promised an album release in January which then got put back to March and now it's apparently scheduled for July. When I first heard this I thought it was a pile of wank but I wanted to like it so I gave it a few more chances. Still no joy. It's shit lads, you've disappointed me. There's nothing wrong with a bit of diversification but this is just cack, after all you can put a cat in an oven but that doesn't make it a biscuit. Method Man Release Yo' Delf (Wild) With a title like that it was never destined to be a hit but to my great surprise it was actually much much worse than I possibly imagined. Not even your wanker of a little brother will like it. Rockers Hi-Fi Push Push (Wild) Push Push has a rare quality for a CD single. It has four tracks that you can actually listen to one after the other, even the remix is as good as the original. The third track Hash Recall sums up the entire mood of the CD with its mellow hip hop sound. Love City Groove Love City Groove (The Darling Department) I'm sure you all know this one, it's the Eurovision song contest offering by the UK. It was quite a clever move going into the Eurovision song contest because the songs are traditionally shit. Some people have been fooled into thinking this is a good song because it's not as bad as all the previous entries. If they took the really crap rapping off it and spent some time on the verses they might achieve a half decent song, but they haven't. The Germans will love it. Kingmaker You And I Will Never See Things Eye To Eye (Chrysalis) They've left it a bit long since their last offensive about what they do but they lack the extra spark required to bring them any sort of fame. 18 Wheeler Boddha/Formanka (Creation) There's definitely something to this one. There is a diversification to their writing which actually shows imagination as opposed to indecision. This particular gem does sound like it was released 4 years too late and towards the end I think they noticed and tried to vamp up the finish which only succeeded in ruining it. The second of the A sides is an instrumental Tricky Black Steel (Wild) Not being a big fan of Tricky, I wasn't expecting much from this single and to be honest I didn't get much. The B sides were a lot better than the original and if he'd sorted out the vocals on that it would have been just as good. The In The Draw mix still had too fast vocals on it to justify it's name. Diesel Park West Natural Things (Profuse) This is another song that was released over a month ago and I'm quite surprised it hasn't met with great chart success yet. This in no way suggests that it is a good song but it does contain the qualities that lead to high sales ie it's not very good. Dreadzone Zion Youth (Virgin) If you like Dreadzone, which I do, then you will not like this. It's part reggae, part dub and no parts inspiration. I think the only word to describe this is"alright". Suddenly Tammy Hard Lesson (Revolution) Melodic pop they call it. Well it's definitely pop. It's a nice enough tune although hardly anything to get a stonk-on over, but her voice is bloody horrible. It's the same sort of whiney American voice that put me off Luscious Jackson. You can tell she's trying really hard to have a certain style of voice, if she stopped trying she might actually sound passable. Skyscraper Never Again (Revolution) This has got a nice picture of a fat bloke on the cover, which has got to count for something. Like so many bands today Skyscraper are artists of noise and unlike so many bands today they have actually got away with it. As noise goes it's quite tuneful in places but don't buy it unless you are a dedicated follower of noise. album, everyone's forgotten who Kingmaker are. In all that time their style has not changed one bit so if you're an old fan you won't be as upset as I was about Neds, this and their new album In The Best Possible Taste are 100% Kingmaker. Moist Freaky Be Beautiful (Chrysalis) Every press release I recieve about Moist says they are going to be big but I haven't seen any evidence yet and this song is hardly deserving of the big time. There' s never anything which ignored the point of a double A side which is to have two good tracks. Oasis Some Might Say (Creation) Sounds a bit like an improved version of Cigarettes And Alcohol although for some reason I really like it. People are beginning to think that it's not cool to like Oasis anymore but if they keep producing songs of this quality they can only get bigger. Earthhng Nefisa (Wild) If anyone knows the meaning of the title will they please let me know because I'm intrigued. As for the song itself it's another one of those nothing songs that I'm hard pressed to think of anything to say about it. It sounds like a male Neneh Cherry gargling over a Tricky soundtrack and you've really got to be well into this sort of music to begin to enjoy it. The Orb OrbvsTerrarvm (Wild) I don't know how I'm supposed to describe this one, it's just The Orb really. They haven't changed much, you still need some form of special medication to appreciate what they do properly. Photo credits: Top Kingmaker (Chrysalis), bottom Orb (Donald Milne) THE BEAVER May 1,1995 Sports 11 After twenty weeks of intense bat tling, the race for the inaugaral Fantasy BeaverBall™ title has reached its climax. Here's the final table. 1.1 love Alison 299 Andreja Popov 2. Death to Takis ' 266 Chris Cooper 3. Deport me please 261 Rashad Manna 4. Cooper's knob is huge 224 Clare Wilson 5. Going down skipper 223 Rikos Leong-Son 6. No teeth no team 220 Alex Mcleish Fantasy BeaverBall^' The Result 7.1 love Alison Grant Delea 218 20. Yes, I am a butt-rider Dan Coulcher 8. Stickers on Whippe's gut Marie Darvill 217 21. Leave Ronald Voce 9. Seven years - bollocks Chris Cooper 213 22. Leave Takis Shitkis 10. Tron/Ming/General Urko Dave Whippe 210 23. Mrs soap-dodger Justin Deaville 11. Pub Thug Sean Gollogly 201 24. Paedophile Pagenstert Dierk Pagenstert 12. Piss-poor returning officer 200 Steve Roy 25. I'm fat Elton James 13. Tattersall stole my bird Gutted Scouse 200 26.1 know Miguel's bird Howard Wilkinson 14. Bowie/Lennon/Joe Swail/Fat 196 Alex Lowen 27. Git Martin Lewis 15.1 love my Dad Julia Mather 194 28. Grantham - Yaaaawwwnn Paul Jacklin 16. Molly was a Gunner stunner 191 Nick Shandy 29. Jozza Tozza Johannes Hertz 17. "Alright boys, it's true" James Trees 183 30. Apres-ski united Carsten Thode 18. I'm Sorrell's gigolo Tim Payton 182 31. The library's that way Frederic Lam Cham Kee 19. The King of ming Alun Howard 181 . 32. Greasy Max Richter 180 176 176 163 153 151 147 131 127 122 112 107 180 176 176 163 153 151 147 131 127 122 112 107 33.1 love Alison 106 Steve was Quick 34. Annika loves me 94 Chris Tattersall - 35. Stole Scouse's true love 83 Mike Tattersall 36. Eat Takis 60 ' Andreas Leoccis 37. Basement ginger 20 Josh Charlesworth So there you have it. Andreja Popov becomes the first BeaverBall champion by a convincing margin taking home the bumper first prize package of a Lucozade water bottle, a "Drop Zone" silver pin badge, the CD soundtrack of "Dumb and Dumber" and the admiration of his fellow students. Well done Andreja! Its Day On Saturday 10th June the LSE Athletics Union presents its annual showcase at the Windsor Avenue Sportsground. Attractions include a six-a-side football tournament, first XI v the staff at cricket, a tennis tournament, LSE Gladiators and much, much more. Coaches will depart from LSE and from all the LSE Halls of Residence at 9am. Regular trains also depart from Waterloo (Berrylands BR — 35mins). Hot and cold food will be available, as well as lots of cheap beer. If you've never been down to see the fabulous facilities, then take this chance to savour its delights. For more information and entry forms contact Liz Petyt in E78 (ex 7161) 16 Sports THE BEAVER May 1,1995 Champions!!! pughton Street Well» it's been a long time since we last spoke and such a lot has happened in that period. Nowlwakeup to thesoundofGr^am Bell each morning, Holbom station smells of sausages and I can't get a seat in the library after ten o'clock. Yes, that's right, it's oh-my-God-rve-done-nothing-this-year-and-it's-two-weeks-to-my-first-exarn-so-pass-the-pro-plus-please time and everyone's wrenched their roots out of theTuns floor and moved to the third floor. With that in mind, it's time for Harry' s updated, definitive guide to the library. . First of all, there are some rules, both written and unwritten, that do not seem to be enforced. Rule seven, sub-section ten, of the library rules states that if someone leaves theirde.sk for longer than fifteen minutes you are allowed to move their books and sit there yourself, so next time you're in the library and the rancid, heavy-breathing, acne-ridden tosser (Takis, perhaps - Angus) next to you goes off to the Robinson Room for a capuccino and some salmon en croute avec mange tout, chuck all his books in the bin (except for those that belong to the library, which you hide/bum/seU). That'll teach the bastards. Also, rule seven, sub-section one, of the rules and regulations states that noise is forbidden in every part of the library. This means that while you're waiting for the lift on the third floor, which, despite what you might believe, is not soundproofed, you do not laugh but loud with your whiny, usually American, voice and piss everyoneelse off. And another thing. When you see sonBeone after five weeks away, a simple "hello" or "how are you" will do. There is no need to shake hands or kiss each other on the cheek. It's the library, not Platoon or a le piat d'or advert. Now, I've been reliably informed that for every four reservations on a book, BLPES has to order another copy. So here's what wp'iBgoingtodo.rvetakenout"Serawoolies, Tillibunkas and Strange Farmers; the development of migrant groundnut farming along theOambia River 1848-1895"byK.Swihdell. When you've got a spare moment this week, go and reserve acopy and let's get afew more copies of this essential text. Don't feel guilty aboutcosting BLPES money, because they're only going to go and spend it on: a sunken spiral staircase anyway. Space constraints mean that Busy Beaver must make a temporary damin thiscolumnso here goes. Carsten Toad saw his three years of toil finally pay dividends when he fotmd out the meaning of apres-ski. "I waited three years for three seconds," beamed the fat kraut. Three years is a long time, but it pales into insignificance compared to Dave Whippy's seven years of bad luck. Yes that's right, LSE's very own Ming the Merciless (Gordon's Alive!) with a broken sun-visor stated that the last time he had a shag Bryan Robson was England captain and Margaret Thatcher was in power. However, we think the last time he got near a naked women was when he came out of his mum's monkey. Meanwhile, Mike Tattersall has picked up a nasty rash over the holidays. It could be thrush perhaps, but you'll have to ask Mad Jane Vodka about it. On a final note, it appears that popularGreek footballheroTakis . has been seen patrolling the toilets at Kings Cross station along with Ms partner in crime Pronoy Bose. It's true you know. Simon Gardiner After a long, hard-fought season, the Fourths emerged as LSE's glory team when they clinched the Division Five title by seven clear points. A blend of youth, experience and, most importantly, ringers guided under the leadership pairing of Sean Gollogly and his understudy Scouse Gardiner swept to the top, crushing all in their path. There was no one outstanding individual who made them win, but there was one who made them lose in the fat, smelly shape of Alex "the sweat" Mcleish. Missed crosses, missed clearances, missed penalties, missed out on evolution - he did the lot, but was finally banished to the role of Takis' best friend and replaced by Big Svein. The back-four of Ed Elkin, Scouse, Ian Devine The Seconds finished their near-triumphant season with a nail-biting escape from the clutches of relegation, despite all the odds that the fickle mistress called fate could stack against us. In their finite wisdom ULU cleverly managed to solve the problem of fixture backlogs by requiring us to play a double-header against UCH on the Saturday after term had finished and then go to Egham the next morning. No-one wants to go to Holloway, unless they look like the sunflower in the Vitalite advert and have a fat, minging bird stashed away there under the disguise of a 'sister', and so all the eggs were put in the UCH basket - one point to guarantee safety. With many regulars home for Easter, Goals Cooper scoured the inferior teams and swooped for Dierk, Henrik, Shandy and 'Saurus in the Friday night scrum. Meanwhile, aspiring skipper and bad kisser Danny Fielding made his own swoop in the Quad, succeeding where Steve Quick failed in pulling Tracey. "What's he got that I haven't?" moaned the spurned striker." I Aerobics Aerobics will continue at its normal times until the end of the third week of term. The times will be altered then. See the Aerobics noticeboard or contact Liz Petyt (ex 7161) in room E78. and Anal Patel had one of the best records in the league, despite bringing Chopper Smith back from his retirement home on Blackpool Beach. The midfield of Sean, Thomas Grace, Bill Kissane and Simon Virley always controlled the game while, up front. Adrian Vetta banged in several goals while Andre Granditsch scored more than his IQ think it's probably hair, Steve. Despite Fielding's sore knob, the Seconds started brightly and took the lead when Cooper's measured pass was rammed home by Quicky for his twelfth of a great season. Although UCH equalised with a long-range effort. Big Dierk restored the lead just before half-time when Cooper's quick throw found him unmarked on the edge of the box and he made no mistake from fully twenty yards. We sat back in the second-half to protect our lead, yet UCH declined to attack, knowing that the penalty of a hospital team defeating LSE is very severe. Having an Alumnus as health minister brings great power. Just ask St Barts, or St Dole Queue (UCAS code UB40) as they have become known since defeating us a week earlier. Three cheers for Mrs Bottomley! With two points in the bag and relegation no longer an issue, the second game was academic so Cooper, unable to resist the temptations of Gloria's pies, took over the whistle. After Dave Keane put us one-up from Quicky's cross, and Tim Ludford saw (he needs to take his shoes and socks off to count them). When hard games came up, the ringers such as Dierk, Dylan, Danny, Raj (hmm) and Goals Cooper made sure of several victories. Perhaps the most telling factor though was the thirteen goals in two-and-a-half games of Angus Kinnear. Clearly the Fourths owe him a lot more than gratitude. It has been a great triumph for the Scouser, helping him get over the shock of losing his bird to Mike Tattersall. We don't know what the trophy looks like yet but I guess it would look like Chopper's head. Maybe the Fourths will have trouble in Europe next year due to UEFA's four pin-heads rule, but for the moment they can wallow in the glory of success and the envy of the other teams, even the Thirds, who claimed they would be champions but instead came third. his overhead kick rattle the crossbar, UCH thought they'd equalised when the ball hit the back of the net, but the referee ruled it had not crossed the line. Bad lucks boys. They did eventually equalise due to Shandy's glaring error, after which tempers became frayed and Quicky attempted to deck their captain. Nice try Steve, but next time try throwing punches when you're a bit nearer than ten yards away. Three points out of four saw LSE sitting pretty at fifth place in the table, forcing those chanting "going down" at the football dinner to eat humble pie. As it was, the only boys "going down" that night were Grant Delea and Mike Tattersall, while not even Fat Alex could have managed more pie after the reasonably priced bumper feast that Villa Carlotta provided once again. As for Stevie Quick, it appears he scored again on Saturday. Having forced his way into the box, he fired an early, short shot which trickled home into the very gaping net, thus elevating him to true Second team status. Well done Steve. Netball Are you a qualified umpire? LSE Netball club are looking for umpires for next season (95/96). You would be required for one or two hours per week. Very good hourly rates. For more information contact Liz Petyt in E78 (ex 7161) What an ugly bunch! Pholo; Library Seconds stay up Raj absence the key