1895 -1995 Issue -416 The Newspaper of the London School of Economics Students' Union First published May 5, 1949 February 6. 1995 Tutu delights LSE NEWS Mature Students' allowance cut last week. What is the LSESU Postgrad and Mature student's representative doing about it? Page 2 The case of Ahmed Sheikh continues as supporters protest outside the Indian High Commission Page 3 FEATURES Your day to day guide to the LSESU Centenary celebrations. So much on, so much to see Pages 8-9 ARTS Hugely exciting competition for those budding film buffs. So if you're a Tim Robbins' fan get you thinking caps on Page 14 SPORT Sports preview of our friendly French visitors through the ages Page l6 Desmond Tutu, Archbishop of Cape Town, with the School's Director at the Inaugural Overseas Students Trust Commemoration Lecture Photo: Stephen Hau Toby Krohn and Duncan McGrath The man too busy to offer his devotions, except on his bicycle commuting to work, used his leisure time to deliver the Inaugural Overseas Students Trust Commemoration Lecture to a bursting Old Theatre last Wednesday evening. LSE Director Dr John Ashworth intro- duced the Archbishop of Cape Town, the Most Reverend Desmond Tutu as the obvious choice of speaker for the first of what is to become an annual lecture series, commemorating LSE's involvement in the Overseas Students Trust. In what he admitted to be an autobiographical lecture Desmond Tutu expounded the value of the Trust in the destruction of apartheid in his native South Africa. He was originally introduced to the Trust as a stu- dent at 'the other place' (King's) in the early 1960s. The Trust, established in 1961, is designed to pay for students to study in the UK and to use the knowledge gained to influence the education policies of goveni-ments both at home and abroad. \ The Archbishop was eager to highlight the reciprocal benefits of the scheme within the context of apartheid and his own life. He explained that it was as a direct result of (Continued on page 3) C New constitution passed Nick Sutton He\NS Editor T Union General Meeting votes for new constitution Photo: Hania Midura ast week saw a dramatic change in the Students' Union (SU) as theUnionGeneralMeeting adopted a new constitution. The reform, piloted by Martin Lewis, SU General Secretary implements reforms demanded by the Government's Education Act together with changes to the roles of sabbatical and non-sabbatical officers, a broadening of the membership of Union Council, and financial security for The Beaver. Under the new constitution, which by law must be ratified by the Court of Govemors later this term, one of the most important changes will be the creation of a new full-time sabbatical position of Education and Welfare Officer with responsibility for co-ordinating and developing the Union's Academic Affairs policy. Despite the fact that some amendments were made to Lewis's original proposals, he was pleased with the ultimate result, believing it was a "vast improvement on what we had previously . . and wiU result in the Union changing next year for the better". He played down the importance of the amendments made to the Constitution by the (Continued on page 3) 2 News THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Redwood is Deadwood ? Oliver Adeiman John Redwood, MP for Wokingham and Secretary of State for Wales, spoke at LSE on Wednesday afternoon on what he perceives to be the major policy differences between the Labour and Conservative parties in the period leading up to the next General Election. Redwood identified four major areas of difference between the two parties: education, the constitution, attitude toward the economy and Britain's world and defence policy. He launched a sustained and fierce attack against the Labour Party and its leadership, at times being sharply critical of Labour's policies in the areas covered. "I would like to talk about a number of major policy areas where we have good answers to the problems of the nation and where I think Labour is opposing our ideas foolishly and badly and where I think we will have a good platform for the people when we finally come to the next General Election," Redwood said. In the field of education, he noted that the job market "wants well-trained, well-motivated people". He identified choice as a key Conservative priority, claiming that the party has enacted an "educational revolution" that consists of a "set of radical measures to extend the choice of educational opportunities." On the issue of the constitution. Redwood contrasted Labour's policy of 'devolution', with the John Redwood MP, Secretary of State for Wales, at a meeting of LSE Conservatives Conservatives' one of 'evolution', vehemently opposing the idea of Scottish or Welsh national assemblies. Redwood sounded a buoyant note on the economy, saying that "by the time we get to the next General Election we will have had an extremely successful economic recovery, stretching over several years and, I trust, stretching well on into the future." Redwood opposed Labour's commitment to a minimum wage, saying that starting at a modest wage is the best way to gain work experience. In the area of Britain's foreign and defence policies, Redwood said that the Conservatives believe that defence cannot be cut any more, but that Labour and the Liberal Democrats would like to cut the Photo: Ana Shorter defence budget further. In response to a question regarding recent speculation within the press about divisions within the Cabinet over Britain's European policy. Redwood said: "I am very happy with the policy that we are developing in relation to the single currency and the Intergovernmental Conference (on greater European integration) in 1996". Health launch at LSE •r * * * «J' ^ ' Chris Parry - Defender of student rights? Photoijoanna V Arong Mature students' allowance cut Representation comes closer Judith Plastow Tie special allowance for mature students has been abolished. Mature students make up over 50% of the UK student population, and the allowance was designed to provide access to a large number of such students who could not otherwise afford higher education. Eligibility for the allowance depended on the applicant being over twenty-six years of age. The extent of support the student received varied between £310 and £1,070 in 1995/96 - depending on their age. Mature students who have already started their courses will not be affected - the allowance is abol- ished for next year's new students and will lead to a substantial cut in living expenses. Chris Parry, the LSE Students' Union postgraduate and mature student representative said the loss was not "unexpected" and the protest against it would be integrated with the already existing campaign against grant cuts. From the end of this term, Parry will be starting up a postgraduate and mature student discussion group with this campaign at its forefront. Parry dismissed the government's action as "shallow" - many mature students have extra financial responsibilities and the government is restricting the opportunity of higher education for people of that age group. Sheila Patel The Right Honourable Virginia Bottomley MP, Secretary of State for Health inaugurated the School's latest initiative at a one-day conference on Friday 27 January. Mrs Bottomley welcomed the foundation of LSE Health, believing the LSE was "well-posi- James Brown The Academic Board, the School committee consisting of nearly all LSE academics, is to hold a postal ballot of its members to decide if students should be allowed to join its ranks. The decision to hold a postal ballot was made at a meeting last Wednesday following a proposal put forward by LSE Students' Union (SU) General Secretary, Martin Lewis. Lewis requested that the Board alter its structure to allow four student members to participate in all debates, except those which were deemed to be "Reserved Business". The Academic Board is one of the most influential School committees and despite not having any student representation at present, increasingly debates major School policies. Recent votes concerning smoking policy within the School and 'Top-up' fees have led to greater awareness in the SU tioned" to take on this new "challenge". She added: "the LSE has always been renowned for focusing on international as much as national issues . . . and in doing so, the LSE will be able to draw on its strong links overseas." Padraig Flynn, European Commissioner for Social Affairs, also spoke at the conference focusing on LSE's role as a "centre of the potential impact of the committee's decisions on the student body. Lewis highlighted this point in a three-minute speech to the Board. "The role ofthe Board has changed... and it no longer deals purely with academic matters". He continued: "I hope you will give us a voice on the issues that matter to us, here, where it matters." Afterwards, Lewis claimed some success - "The decision to hold a postal ballot is a step forward. On all other occasions the proposal has met with a straight rejection. The last time however, in 1991, the vote was close." In addition to membership of the Academic Board, Lewis asked that students be allowed to become members of the Academic Planning and Resources Committee, Information Systems Planning Committee, and the Graduate School Committee. Ballot papers are expected to be sent to academics early this week, with a result announced in approximately two weeks time. of excellence" and the contribution it could make in future policies to improve well-being within the community. He said: "The LSE will be able to make a unique contribution to resolving the difficult problems in the field of health that confront us today." By encouraging cooperation between member states, there was "little to lose" from adopting a positive, forward-looking approach to the possibilities for community-level acdvity. "The community could make a real contribution to protecting and improving the health of all our people," he added. LSE Health was established as a multidisciplinary research centre in June 1994 bringing together LSE staff from different departments. The director of the project, Dr Elias Mossialos said: "the success of the centre is mirrored by the sheer number of participants the launch has attracted," (from twenty-five different countries). Aims of LSE Health involve conducting high quality research into all aspects of health policy issues and maintaining contacts with other governing bodies. After the conference the director of LSE Health, Mossialos was pleased, commenting that the launch went smoothly and was "very successful". There were over forty university representatives from the UK and abroad, achieving "good balance" according to Mossialos. Mossialos added that "there are some lessons to be learned" through such cooperation between European member states. THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 News 3 Family of alleged terrorist concerned for his safety AHHEDO - iSEIiSFBH HTS.FAlRmi Awais Sheikh, the brother of Ahmed Sheikh, addressing the protest outside the Indian High Commission Photo: Sam Faulkner Tutu speaks at LSE (Continued from page 1) being sent to study in London that he realised the "deep, demeaning humiliation" of apartheid. In one of the many humorous anecdotes that he imparted to the assembled flock, he recounted how he used to approach white policemen in London to ask for directions that he already knew, just to gain satisfaction from them calling him "Sir"! He contrasted it with the South Africa he knew and was able to use this experience to overcome his previous timidity towards authority. This newly found self-esteem coupled with the inquisitorial ap- proach to dogma that he encountered through his studies at King's was to give him the strength and moral backing to challenge the authoritarian system in South Africa. He has used these values, that he would not have gained but for the Trust, he said, since being appointed Chancellor of the University of Western Cape in 1988 to create an academic leadership with which to establish the foundations of the new state. He argued that the academic influence was behind the efforts of the Mass Democratic Movement in 1989 to question long-estab- News in Brief Following the announcement that 175 Senate House Library tickets will be offered to those not previously automatically eligible to them, the British Library of Political and Economic Science (BLPES) have outlined application procedures. To enter the ballot for tickets, which shall be valid for this year only, students should collect a form from the Reference Desk in the BLPES, and return it fully completed to the Reference Desk by 14 February. : The baillot for tickets will be drawn on 17 Feburary. A list of successful applicants will be posted in the Library and in the; foyer of the Old Building during the afternoon of 20 February." Intercity West Coast have announced that holders of Young Persons Railcards and passengers travelling with Apex and Super Apex tickets can buy tickets for half price between now and May 27. The special offer - a Standard Class sleeper berth for £12.50 - is available in both directions on the overnight InterCity sleeper services between London Euston and Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Carlisle, Fort William, Glasgow and Inverness. \ Over the past few days a number of lockers in the School have been brokeninto. The thief is described as being approximately 6 foot,: of Asian origin^ wearing a three-quarter length raincoat and black baseb^l cap. lished laws previously seen as moral certainties that had underpinned the apartheid system. The Bishop continued this theme in an attempt to explain the previous success of racism in supporting slavery, lynchings, and the holocaust, all of which he viewed as "blasphemy - spitting in the face of God". He was keen to promote the international aspect of the Trust. This was something that he had been introduced to while in London, the benefits of which were now apparent to him. Previous beneficiaries of the Trust are now in such positions so as to be able to influence the direction of countries throughout the world. His vision of the Global Village which we inherit was that we "are made for interdependence" and should "celebrate our diversity". Through using this knowledge we can create a "qualitative difference". An example of all that he has learned can be evidenced in the new South African Bill of Rights. The spirit of the document lies in his reminiscences of the freedom of speech he witnessed at Speaker's Corner, Hyde Park. A freedom that should not only be guaranteed but also supported by the state itself. He was asked if there was a threat to all that had been achieved through the idolisation of Nelson Mandela. He accepted the difficulties it posed but thought that Mandela would share the Archbishop's view that "if you want me to be an idol you must see that I have got feet of clay." Nick Sutton News Editor Tie case of the alleged terrorist from the LSE, Ahmed Sheikh, has been highlighted again following a protest outside the Indian High Commission organised by his family. Sheikh, 21, from Wanstead in east London, was arrested last November in the: Uttar Pfadesh region of India after allegedly kidnapping four western tourists. His family have consistently denied his involvement in the hostage-taking claiming that he was "just a convenient scapegoat." Around one hundred people, including fellow students from the LSE and senior representatives of the extremist Islamic group Hizb-ut-Tahrir were at the demonstration on Friday 27 January. Sheikh's family claim that he has been tortured whilst in custody in India - "he has been shot in the shoulder at point blank range, and has undergone physical beatings, starvation and mental torture." Saaed Sheikh, the student's father, called for a fair trial in a neutral country and "the British Government and the British public to take the same interest they would for any other British citizen. Ahmad is being discriminated against because he is not Anglo-Saxon." A spokesperson for the Indian Govemment denied the allegations of torture saying they were "totally baseless" and explained that Sheikh had received his gunshot wound during a struggle on his arrest which resulted in the death of two policemen. John Gardner, a Foreign Office Spokesman, added that consular officials had seen Sheikh on an almost weekly basis since his arrest and that he "has made no complaint about his treatment - nor has he alleged any torture." Amnesty International agreed that there was no. evidence that Sheikh had been tortured, but issued a report last week highly critical of India's human rights record. Suggestions by Saaed Sheikh that he had been refused access to his son were dismissed by the Indian Government. An Indian spokesperson showed The Beaver Mr Sheikh's visa allowing him to visit the country, which he had not collected from the High Commission. The involvement in the protest by senior members of Hizb-ut-Tahrir, the group allegedly responsible for recent disturbances in some London colleges, was noticeable. Farik Kassim, their UK Spokesman, addressed the crowd calling for all Muslims to unite to support Sheikh's case and criticizing the inaction of Islamic countries. / Farik Kassim, UK Spokesman of Hizb-ut-Tahrir at the demonstration ¦_Photo: Ana Shorter New Constitution (Continued from page 1) UGM - of around 80 amendments proposed, only five were successful against Lewis's wishes. The most important being OlaBudzinska, SU Finance and Services Officer's, successful overturning of the proposed Societies Council and the retention of the Executive 'slate' after a combined alliance of Labour-Liberal Democrat and Conservative members. SU Column Union Jack page 4 page 5 4 News THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 CO I O ^ Martin Lewis General Secretary Senate House: There arfe to be 175 tickets available for any student who doesn't meet the standard validation procedure for Senate House. If the tickets are over subscribed there will be a ballot. For further information and application forms please see the Library staff. Room Changes: The Athletics Union will be moving to the womens ¦ room, the womens' room shall move to the Beaver Office and the Beaver will move top the Gd Athletics Union Common room. These changes were passed by the Executive committee and were agreed by the various groups. The School has agreed to refurbish the rooms and the finance committee voted to allow the womens' group £150 to buy new furnishings. New Constitution: The SU has a new Constitution. The following is a brief list of the major changes Separating the Constitution into a Constitution and Codes of practice; Impleinentation of the Education Act on Students' Unions; Athletics Union capital expenditure is now allowable; Union Council membership increased to include Staff/student representatives, Hall Presidents and the Athletics Union Executive; A sabbatical Education and Welfare Officer is created with an Academic Affairs Committee to assist, strengthening the Union's commitment to Educational representation; Executive Officers jobs have changed with a separation of the postgraduate and mature student officers job; Also new are Equal Opportunities (General), Societies, Services, Environment, and Com munications part time Officers; All Sabbatical Officers and part time Executive Officers now have detailed job descriptions, to make them more accountable and guide them in their roles; Women, Overseas, Post graduate and Mature students will now have open forum meetings with their representative Officers to dis cuss the issues affecting them; Management sub committees for the Union's services will allow a better response to the needs of students; a new Campaigns committee has been created ivbich separates the Execu-tive'sadlhinistrati ve and campaign and allows more input :!^ihe;3j^b campaigns budget;-The annual multicultural ey^tj will oiow automatically re-^iVies 5% of, societies budget; The 0m s publications are now assured and the, relationship between the Beaverand the Union is finally clarified; The alternative prospectus and the SU handbook are now mandatory publications; The New Constitution will be availiable from SU Reception on Tuesday^ Some of the clauses will not take afifect until after the Elections. Thank you to all those who took part in the debate on the Constition. Graduates squeezed A recent survey published by Barclays Bank has highlighted problems facing many graduates at the LSE. The report indicated that eight out of ten graduates start their working life with an average debt of £2,223. It was also obvious that many graduates found it hard to adapt themselves to working life as the usual three month summer holidays turn into four or five weeks per year. Research shows that over twenty percent of students consider giving up their studies because of debt. Bad budgeting is just as much to blame as insufficient funds. The report showed the changing attitudes towards debt amongst students and graduates as now most Nicola Hobday students accept debt as a way of life. One LSE graduate commented "I am facing the prospect of spending five years working to pay off debt that I accrued during my three years as a student." However the general feeling is that "debt is a natural consequence of student life." Unemployment amongst graduates is becoming increasingly common as one in five graduates are out of work. In the LSE this is encouraging many students to consider taking a Masters in order to increase their chances of getting a job. Many students are being forced into stop-gap jobs so as to avoid poverty. For some this can be a vicious circle as the time taken working in such a position then prevents a graduate for applying for the jobs they would like to have. Most students find that their time at University is one of financial worry and it is a worrying prospect that the first few years after graduating will be similar if not worse. A booklet by Switch and Credit Action, a leading money education agency, called A Student's Guide to Better Money Management can be obtained by sending an A5 sized SAE with 43p postage to Switch Student Money Guide, PO Box 71, Cambridge CB5 8XS. A freephone helpline is also available to give confidential advice from a full-time money advisor on 0800 591084. Size doesn't affect performance says Ashworth Clement House on the Aldwych Photo: Hania Midura Clement House cleanup commences Graeme Pearson Building work on Clement House - the School's latest acquisition in the Aldwych has begun. The refurbishment of Clement House to provide much needed teaching and office space for the School began at the end of last month. Included in the plans for the seven-storey building are a new 190/200 seat lecture theatre, five 120-seat lecture theatres and a small catering facility, with views over the Thames, on the third floor. The work, expected to be finished in time for the 1996/7 academic year, whilst not fully meeting the School's requirements for new teaching space, will help reduce the current overcrowding. The School is also actively considering acquiring the Royalty Theatre to provide additional lecture facilities. Dan Madden Following suggestions by some Vice Chancellors that research funding should be limited to the larger universities, Dr John Ashworth, Director of the LSE speaking to The Beaver, dismissed the claims saying: "Size is not related to excellence." The universities pushing for this move are mostly members of the Russell Group, of which LSE is also a member. However, the LSE is also involved with the 94 Group - made up of 13 smaller institutions renowned as good research centres. The 94 Group was set up in 1994 by a number of institutions, including Warwick, York, Durham, Essex and Birbeck College, to protect the interests of the smaller institutions who wish to preserve their research status. Dr Ashworth saw no possible conflict of interest between the LSE's membership of both groups - "In my view the LSE needs to belong to every group with which it has a natural affinity." In fact, the director sees the LSE's membership of both groups as an advantage. He regards the roles of the School and himself as important in providing a link between the various groups. The LSE's standing in the 1992 Research Assessment exercise vindicates the claims of Dr Ashworth and other Vice Chancellors in the 94 Group. In the overall rankings of the Assessment, the LSE came third, outperforming all of the Russell Group apart from Oxford and Cambridge. The LSE also came Italian MP speaks at LSE Silvia Santoro Giorgio Napolitano, former speaker of the Italian Lower Chamberof Parliament, and now an MP for the PDS (Democratic party of the Left), attended a question-and-answer session, organised jointly by the European Institute and the Italian Society on Friday 27 January. Napolitano defended the newly formed Italian Government, headed by Lamberto Dini, without a clear majority in Parliament, by emphasising the need for a quick solution to some of Italy's most urgent problems. Among these is the reform of the existing constitutional framework, especially relating to electoral competition, antitrust legislation, the financing of political parties, and the conflict of interest facing Berlusconi - only few of the many questions which still need answers in Italy's present turmoil. The former right-wing government, Napolitano claimed, was unable to propose and put into action a valid solution to these problems, being, as it was, only rooted in them, rather than a truly new experience on the Italian political scene. Napolitano regards the rise of Berlusconi as due more to his omnipresence in the media and to his populist political slogans than to a concrete programme for reform and economic recovery. Moreover, the conflict of interest which it generated, with Berlusconi as head of the government and the proprietor of the biggest media group in Italy, was surely not the best 'new start' Italy could have hoped for after years of bad government and political subterfuge. When asked about the role of the Left in Italy, and more generally in a world where socialist ideals have collapsed, and the Right is gradually gaining ground, Napolitano responded that as long as "brutal positions" such as that of Gingrich will appeal to such a big part of the electorate, there will dways be soihe room for a left-wing ideology in the political debate. top of the 94 Group. The possibility of the Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE) limiting the research funds to the larger universities will obviously affect the School's finances. However, the Director pointed out that: "We are less dependent than any of the research universities on the HEFCE grant and so, in a sense we can afford to be slightly more relaxed." THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Politics 5 LSE Fabian Society: President wanted! The Fabian Society at LSE needs a new president. The LSE was founded by members of the Fabian Society and this is one of the reasons for the madly enthusiastic response received when we re-established LSE Fabian Society at Freshers' Fair 1992 (we had 114 members on the first day: an excellent response by any standards). On the good advice of Dr John Ashworth (Director of the LSE) I approached a professor at the School who is a member of the Fabian Society and from the outset the society gained the invaluable support of Professor David Piachaud, Professor of Social Administration at the School and a member of the Fabian Society. Professor Piachaud gave the inaugural address which was followed by a buffet provided by the society for the new members. Austin Mitchell MP agreed to come to the School at short notice to address the Society. Mr Mitchell (member of the Fabian Society and DPhil [Oxon]) spoke with characteristic wit and erudition about Maastrict advocating the opinions of an anti-Maastrict MP "who is not a 'Little Englander". In the Lent Term Michael Meacher MP came to address the Society about Kurdistan. He had returned from Kurdistan that week and had experienced first hand the terrible problems which were facing that country. It was a generous sign of recognition for the Society that one of the Labour front bench was willing to address the society at such short notice. Mr Meacher has a long association with the School: he was a postgradu- James Hull ate student here (after gaining a first class degree in Greats at Oxford he realised, like all sane people, that the LSE is the happening place to be and the natural successor to the cloistered "city of dreaming spires" ). In the Summer Term the society were honoured to be addressed by another notable member of the Fabian Society. Professor Lord Desai gave a comprehensive, authoritative, and challenging address about his views on the future of the Labour Party. The poignant sagacity of Professor Desai's address was appreciated by an audience of Fabians which included people from outside the School. Many students at the School know little about the Fabian Society and its association with the LSE. The principle features of Fabianism are an emphasis on meritocracy and the responsibility of trained experts in public affairs; a distrust of confrontational tactics and a confidence that planned and deliberate reform, carried out as a result of the triumph of reason and the presentation of evidence, will create a socialist society. The Fabians took their name from the Roman general Fabius Maximus who defeated Hannibal by waiting until the moment was right, wearing down his opponent and then striking hard. The Fabian Socialists tactics are most characterised by the phrase " the inevitability of gradualness". They believed that hard work, persuasion and research would slowly but inevitably move society in a socialist direction. In a Fabian state, trained intelligence would play a central part with a system of democratically accountable elites staffed by the most capable - whereas capitalism's elites had previously been staffed only by the most fortunate The early Fabians believed in an extension of suffrage: confident that this would lead to the election of socialists. (Which of course it did after the Representation of the People Act 1918). From the outset the LSE has been co-educational and has encouraged people from different backgrounds to nurture their intellectual skills. The School has always been a dynamic and pioneering establishment. The Fabian Society is another means by which the education of members of the School is enhanced. The Fabians at the LSE are affiliated to the national Fabian Society (the first "think tank" in the world). The current Fabians Society executive at LSE are now in their final year at the LSE and are not capable of giving the time and commitment that it takes to run this dynamic LSE Society. I am seeking students in their first or second year who can take over from the current executive Fabians. I shall of course be available to help and advise the new President, Secretary and Treasurer in any way I can but Fabians have initiative and ambition (QED since they founded LSE). Anyone interested contact me via the societies mailing system within the LSE (ask at the window in the entrance of the East Building) or speak to the General Secretary of the LSESU and ask for myself: James T Hull, President LSE Fabian Society Letter to Mr Maher Abdullah, invited by the Islamic Society In response to his conference held on January 23 about the fiiture of Palestine and Palestinians After 50 years of division, wars, suffering, and tears, Middle-Eastern "enemy brothers" have ultimately decided to shake hands and to accept each other. To cross the decisive bridge of moving towards what prophets once called "times of peace". Their goal was to establish a long-term stable solution to the deep hatred in this region, as well as to make use of an historical opportunity of joining their forces to build a common project, a common hope. The hope for cooperation instead of destruction. The hope of prosperity instead of misery. The hope for mothers not having to see their sons lose their life. Franz Kafka wrote once an astonishing allegorical tale called "In front of the Law". It describes a lonely man who tries desperately to cross a heavy door, but is prevented by a formidable guard. "Even if you manage to pass this stage", the latter tells him sarcastically, "there will be further heavier doors with even stronger guards in your path". Years follow on from each other, until finally he is blind, weak, and alone, more than ever. Before dying, however, in a last attempt, he asks the guard a crucial question which had been haunting him throughout his waiting. "Why did nobody else, beside me, ever try to cross this door"? "Because", answers the guard, " nobody else could have ever passed it. It is for you Avy Burstein that this door has been designed. Now you are going to die and I have to close it for ever". € UMIOtt. % JACK Dear Mr Maher Abdullah, you are the guard. But this time, your people as well as their "enemy brothers" are not going to let you jeopardize their destiny. A door towards the future has been opened for those two people, against all odds. However, some fanatics, who speak in the name of religion but at the same time forget paradoxically the definition of tolerance, try to make the whole process fail. Behind your tranquil, soft, reasonable, and "western" appearance, your conference of the January 23 was characterized by their blindness. You called indeed for "an eternal Jihad" against Israel, just as fifty years ago, others using different words were dying to "throw Jews at the sea". Meanwhile, the Palestinian people, largely because of an obvious lack of rationality of its successive leaders, has neither ever been able to stretch its political horizon, nor to realise its national identity. Violence, Mr Maher Abdullah, belongs to the past. The Middle-Age liberty, equality, fraternity, enabled by patient negotiations and progressive integration, shouldbe the formula of the future. But moderates will have to win their fight against chaos for that. Against you. Despite you. With you. For you. On the 50th anniversary of the Auschwitz extermination camp liberation by Soviet troops, two terrorists again spread blood near Tel-Aviv. Their message was clear. "We don't want peace". For the memory of all the innocent victims of five years of division, wars, and hatred in the Middle-East. For the ludicrous hope of enabling this region to enter the twenty first century proud of its economic, social, and political achievements, instead of ashamed of its crying mothers. For the crucial notions of equality, and fraternity, you may despise, Mr Maher Abdullah, please stop raising destructive passions. And dd\^non tfie touchline, Ray Stubbs is with Martin Lewis. "Martin, a mammoth effort there from the Lewis team, how do you feel ?" "Well. Ray, the boys done great. I gave them their lines in training this week and we've gone up there and done our best, what more can i say? All I can ask from my lads is their best effort, and they gave it. I'm not over the moon, but I'm not cxactly sick as a parrot either." "Some crucial momenLs in there, Martin. Talk us through this one on the monitor now..." ,,1 "Well, yes, Ray. Obviously he's done as j well as he can, but you have to remember that the boy Baljit is only a serai-pro. When you spend half your week on the rank, you don't have time to train properly, and then it's a bit like having your hands tied behind your back. You can'texpect it to all come off for him." "Societies Council, a real turning point in the game, what wa$ going through your ttind there, Martin?." ¦ - "The little Pole, Budzinska, put in a ¦ great effort. The Pole is a tenacious player, really performs well. As you know Ray, I tried to sign her myself a couple of years ago now, I mean we had trouble agreeing personal terms, but that just shows what she can do. Still, at this stage of the game, it is ^ early doors and I always say, it only takes a I second to score a vote in this game. Obvx-ousiy, though, in that situation you are going to be a bit fed up, and if you get invloved in the game as much as 1 do, it is P" going to be a bit difficult not to lose your 4 f temper now and again. Maybe I've gone ^ and said a few things I shouldn't have done in there, but that is the game, Ray, it gets to you, right there, in the ego. I am big enough '• and brave enough to admit that." , "Soon after that came the incident wliich"-"" probably turned the game, Martin, the Exec. What happened there ?" ~ € "Well, yes and no. Ray, we done very well in the build up just there, but sometimes the luck is not with you, The rub of the green, and on the day your name is just not on the I I'cup. Then something like that happens, and r it just does, there is not much that you can do " vabout it. Jethwa and Tod combined really , weU, the luck was with them, the crowd was - on their side. Like I say, sometimes you just ^ have to take those things, get up, get on your' coal and get on with it. Tomorrow's another , ^y, after all." "And a close ran thing there with the Campaigns Committee ?" Ray. It looked for a moment there as though notiaing was going to go our way, but 1 was ^ adamant that it never crossed the line, and g the refetee had to give it in the end there.,^ofl . 1 - the author Beaver Jtl Part-time temporary positions available on campus for outgoing, enthusiastic second and third year students with excellent communication and interpersonal skills. Must he able to work 2 evenings per week, Monday to Thursday, from 6-lOpm contacting alumni of the LSE on behalf of the LSE hour For more information contact Andrew Harvey on 071 955 6768 after 2pm LSE Athletics Union Colours nomination If you would like to nominate an individual for colours or wish to know more about the criteria for selection visit the AU ofELce (E78) 12-2pm Ail nominations must be handed in to the AU office by February 10 • FRESH H AI R S A L O N • th« best student offer in londoni Cmllt 071 823 S96S ¦ ' • ¦ io-.i,. •' 'r i ! Following the mauguration there will be an Indonesian presentation. Featuring a seventeen member troupe, the live band will be accompanied by dancing. 7.30 - 8.30pm in the Old Theatre. From 8.30pm, there will be Italian dancing in the Old Theatre. At 9.00pm the venue will switch to the Quad where there will be free Chinese and Indonesian food, together with Arabian and 80s music.' ^ Also running all evening from 6.()0pm onwards will be a Chinese exhibition in A86 featuring authentic palmistry. Israeli, Polish and Swiss exhibitions will also be showing all week long in A86 from 6.00pm. Tuesday February 7 Today's events begin with Israeli dancing in the Old Theatre from 6.00pm. This original ^ display will feature audience participation, j Following this will be a display of African dancing arranged by the African Society at approximately 7.00pm - 8.00pm. At 8.00pm the Global Fashion Show will begin, featuring original costumes from countries all over the world. The event will be accompanied with music and a full commentary. All the costumes have been supplied by the societies of the LSE, and representatives from those societies will be modelling them. It promises to be a very cotourful and entertaining show. i After the Fashion Show, the venue will again change to the Quad, with food being provided by Israel and .the African continent. There will also be a disco featuring music from those countries. There will be no charge for any food that is available, a rule which applies all week long. Remember, free food and drink all week! There will also be a chance to meet the Sudanese Ambassador this evening who will be speaking in the Vera Anstey Room at 5.30pm. Everyone is very welcome. Joining the regular exhibitions in A86 will be displays from Sudan, Nigeria and the Caribbean featuring'original ethnic artifacts. Special videos will also be running throughout the evening in conjunction with these exhibitions. (These three additional exhibitions will only be running for tonight.) Wednesday February 8 To celebrate the 100th anniversary (to the day) of the founding of the LSE, the Global Festival presents The Trial of LSE debating the question of whether the LSE has betrayed its benefactors wishes in faiUng to establish a case for socialism. The Old Theatre will be transformed into a courtroom with original costumes and features star witnesses including the present Director, Dr John Ashworth and the leader of the 1968 revolution Martin Tomkinson. The case for the defence will be argued by Lord Dahrendorf, with the prosecution led by Lord Desai. Presiding over the events will be Justice Jacobs. This is a ticket only event (free!) with a live video link up to the New Theatre. Following the Trial of LSE, the Old Theatre will play host to two .of the best ^ comedians in Britaip Harry Hill and Arnold Brown, presented by the Chuckle Club. Hill is this year's Time Out award winner, and with the magazine highly recommending tonight's bill this event will sell out. Unfortunately due to the high demand of this event tickets will be priced at £4 for students and £6 otherwise. Both acts will be playing full length sets. Tickets will only be available on the door but arrive early as this event will sell out. As if that is not enough, the Indian Society have arranged a live Bhangra band for the quad, together with masses of Indian food, all this will be available from around 8.00pm. The Argentinean Society will be showcasing tango dancing and a live band in the Old Theatre from 6.00pm. Details on posters. THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Feature 9 »pa * wmM ^v'-' ^ r:- ¦ ^ • i > i' «« •• J- •• 1 ¦i 'm , t i i ' ¦> m m H: > • 0 •• I i^' -fm The Global Festival Committee (left to right) Nick Fletcher, Jo Dufort, Mia Gilje and Silvia Santoro Photo: Anastasia Shorter Thursday February 9 The Swiss Embassy have especially flown in a cultural troupe for their evening's entertainment. There will be music and dancing from 7.30pm onwards. Many thanks and much appreciation must also go to the Swiss Society for arranging a raffle, tickets for which will be available on the night. The star prize will include a free holiday to Switzerland! Finally, the Old Theatre will host a display of Turkish dancing from 8.30pm. The Global Festival would like to point out that if this does indeed turn out to be a display of belly diiflfiing to arrive early as it is bound to sell out!! When die Turkish danciiig has finished, the venue will move from the Old Theatre to the Quad, hopefully at arourid 9'.00pm. The evening will then wind up with a free Latin American disco, with authentic Latin American DJs playing until 11.00pm. Free -yes, you've guessed it - Latin American snacks will be provided as well. Also, today will be your opportunity to meet the Venezuelan Ambassador who will be meeting students in the Vera Anstey Room (AlOl) from 5.00pm onwards. All students are welcome to come and see the Ambassador who will be available to ans wer questions you • may have. Also, do not forget that the Israeli, Polish and Swiss exhibitions are still running in A86. Remember to watch out for those time and venue changes on posters! Friday February 10 The Global Festival has the support of the UN50 campaign to celebrate 50 years of the UN. In conjunction with this, the Global Festival presents the United Nations Round Table debate. Under the banner of A Time To Die?, a variety of speakers will debate various topics with UN relevance. Speakers will include Nicholas Hinton (Save The Children), Ray Wilkinson (UN High Conunissioner for Refugees), Rosemary Wrighter (The Times) and Ms Suzanne Long (UN Association). The debates will be followed by a Greek show, with contributions from the Cypriot Society. There will be music, dancing and poetry. Food will be available in the quad. The final event of the week in the Old Theatre will be Filipino music and dancing. There will also be a chance to meet the Filipino Ambassador in the Vera Anstey Room earlier this evening at 7.00pm Preceding this will be a speech by the Polish Ambassador on the ever changing situation in his country, and the economic and political reforms that are in progress. The week will finish with a massive Brazilian Carnival in the quad. With a bar extension until 1.00am, Brazilian cocktails will whet the appetite, live carnival music will play and free food will be available. Naturally, a Friday night would'not be complete without the usual DJs in the Underground and drink promotions in the Tuns - all this will be fi:ee until 7.00pm, and then a small fee of £1 will operate to cover security costs. And that, unfortunately, will be that. Global Festival gives you more Nick Fletcher on the aims of the Global Festival The idea of a multicultural week at the LSE is not a new idea, but although they have been a regular feature for many years now, they have never fulfilled the expectations of the many nationalities at the LSE. Indeed, that would be quite some task with over half the school population coming from overseas. This was quite simply the task of the Global Festival when the idea was first conceived almost twelve months ago. To coincide with the Centenary of the School, some kind of large scale celebration was needed, and what better way to celebrate than a week of events that will not only entertain but inform and educate. At the heart of the Global Festival lies 'Globalism', the sheer diversity of our student population makes the LSE unique. With more countries represented that the World Bank, there is no better place to stage this week. It is a chance for countries to showcase their national identities and for students to experience them. From the very beginning the idea was that the Global Festival week would be special, a massive event involving as many societies and nationalities as possible; hopefully this is what we have achieved. From Chinese Dragon Dancing to ethnic artifact displays, from discos to traditional dancing, the festival has attempted to create diversity, so there is something for everybody. "It's about people and culture, not nations and politics" said Vini Ghatate, the driving force behind the Festival. To experience other people's cultures educates us. Education leads to a better understanding and to a better peace. This is summed up by the inauguration of the Festival. After years of fighting, the PLO and Israelis will be speaking together; an achievement that the Global Festival is glad to showcase. The United Nations celebrate their 50th anniversary this year and the Global Festival has great pleasure in supporting a series of debates under the general title of "The UN a Time To Die?". Speakers will include representatives from the UN, Save The Children and from the media. This again will highlight the struggle for peace and how the UN is trying to help. It will also examine other topics concerning the UN. Another highlight will undoubtably be the trial of LSE. Exactly 100 years to the day that Sidney Webb asked for £500 to set up the school, the Global Festival will put those founding principles on trial. With witnesses including the present Director, Martin Tomkinson (a leading campaigner during the' 68 revolution), David Starkey, Lord Des^, Lord Dahrendorf and 'Judge' Justice Jacobs. The Old Theatre will beitrans-formed into a courtroom and the sentence is expected to be particularly harsh! However, the Festival also has its lighthearted aspects. Harry Hill and Arthur Brown will be appearing, two of Britain's premier comedians (How this quite fits into Global Festival Week is anybody's guess but they are both incredibly funny!). To finish the Festival, a bar extension has been arranged and will feature a huge Brazilian Carnival. The Global Festival, however, is not just about these highlights, a comprehensive package of events will be taking place throughout the week. This is where the success of the Festival will lie... it is a week arranged totally by students for students and will rely on your support for it to work. The work that has gone into organisation cannot be understated but you will be the judge of that. Even if you only come along for the masses of free food and drink that will be available every night you will experience something that the Global Festival is trying to encourage - cultural awareness. 10 Arts THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Husbands and wives Sheila Patel watches a delightful production of Shakespeare of National Theatre f Richard McCabe, centre, does his laundry Photo: Ivan Kyncl Ttie Merry Wives of Windsor is one of Shake speare's wannest comedies. It begins with Justice Shallow coming to Windsor to present his nephew Slender as suitor to Anne Page, the merchant's daughter. Upon his arrival, the mild mannered oaf has his pocket picked and we are immediately shown that he feels out of place; his country manners are no match for the directness of Anne. Fenton - the dashing youthful suitor for Anne - is directly contrasted against the old reprobate Falstaff who is down on his luck, and plotting to get his hands on the money of Ford. He feigns love to Ford's beloved wife but she learns of his plans and attempts to outwit him. Ford accidentally learns of Falstaff s intentions from the man himself and, in a fit of jealousy resolves to take his revenge on Falstaff. In the final encounter between Falstaff and his "love" a laundry basket is prepared by the two wives in which they intend the Knight to make a forced exit and be thrown into the Thames. Shakespeare uses dramatic irony here: each of the three protagonists is plotting against the other, yet none of these characters are aware of the others' intentions. Like all other Shakespearean comedies, love and virtue triumph in the end leaving the audience satisfied; Anne Page wins her man, Falstaff - publicly exposed - learns his lesson and repents, and the wives remain loyal and faithful. The play achieves its aims not only through its eloquent dialogue but through the comic suspense which it arouses in an audience, and this is derived from the skill with which Shakespeare constructed it. This production of The Merry is light-hearted and very enjoyable. The autumnal stage-setting for the play was also effective. In particular, Richard McCabe was excellent as the enraged, vengeful Ford playing the character with vital passion and energy. This is a definite must for all those who love Shakespeare; its intensity, and passion has the power to persuade those who do not. Football crazy Steve Roy on a novel adaptation Arts Theatre Walsall's biggest match for a decade took place the other Tuesday - not their away defeat at Torquay, but the FA Cup replay against Leeds. Walsall by all accounts ran the Premiership side ragged, were level at 2-2 after 90 minutes, before poor referee-ing decisions saw them go down to a narrow 5-2 defeat. Now if I was Nick Hornby, I would link the above account to mirror my personal life. Goals conceded would coincide with girlfriends dumping me, goals scored would occur at the same time as IBM giving me a job, or Mariella Frostrup finally returning my calls. These footballing metaphors for life's ups and downs formed the comer-flags of Fever Pitch, Nick Hornby's award winning recollections about his life as an Arsenal fan. The book has now made the conversion to stage, and following an acclaimed national tour, has reached the West End. Stephen North gives an excellent performance as Hornby, the footballing fanatic. Despite a rather sluggish opening, mainly due to the audience adjusting too slowly to the fact that this was a one-man show, North gradually built up a rapport with the terraces. The main tenet of the play is that Hornby only achieved fulfillment in his life when Arsenal finally won the championship in 1989. Up until that time, Hornby had been directionless, wandering from job to job. Apart from a small technical hitch when North's microphone came undone, the play maintained a tight, structured rhythm, mirroring the time period of a football match. Anybody who likes football, and those who can't understand why people do, would be well advised to take a trip to Newport Street to experience the Fever Pitch sensation for themselves. Stephen North hears the news about Eric Cantona Photo: Library Matters of the heart A tale of four sets of reluctant lovers interests Susha Lee-Shothaman Love's Labour's Lost RSC Barbican The Royal Shakespeare Company's production of Love's Labour's Lost has returned to the Barbican for a welcome short run. The play is not one of Shakespeare's more popular comedies, but on the strength of this production it asks to be more frequently performed. The plot has Ferdinand, the king of Navarre (Philip Quast) and his three companions Berowne, Longaville and Dumaine, take a joint vow to devote themselves to their studies for three years, eschewing pleasure, food, and the company of women. A modern day equivalent, one supposes, would be being condemned to live in Connaught Hall for the entire duration of an LSE degree in Accountancy and Finance. However, Ferdinand forgets that the Princess of France is arriving with her ladies to pay a state visit. When the women arrive, Ferdinand immediately falls for the Princess (Jenny Agutter) and his friends become instantly enamoured of her three ladies. Amusing scenes follow as the men try and keep their infatuations secret from each other, as they have sworn off the fairer sex on pain of public humiliation. Nevertheless they are found out almost immediately, and together they resolve to court the ladies. There's also a sub-plot involving Jenny Agutter goes a-hunting an amorous Spanish don, a dairymaid and a bunch of dumb locals. Of the actors, only the eloquent and charismatic Berowne, Richard Gamett, really stands out. Philip Quast tries his best but is burdened during the first half with a ridiculous floral dressing gown and a Tommy Cooper hat. The actresses suffer from their rather limited roles, which especially in the first half don't allow them to develop much individuality, though Sarah Woodward makes a spirited Rosaline. Throughout, the Photo: Clive Barda sets and costumes live up to the high standard you'd expect from the RSC. The main problem with the play is it's length - some of the scenes without the main actors drag, and the language is at times inaccessible. Ian Judge directs and sets the play in the early part of this century, which proves to be a brainwave as it gives the end added poignancy. Overall, the production lacks the spark of brilliance but still proves to be satisfying entertainment. THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Hitting it off Susha Lee-Shothaman on trained assasins LEON Director: Luc Besson Odeon Kensington, Odeon West End, MGM Tottenham Court Road Arts 11 Jean Reno and Natalie Portman Photo: Buena Vista LUC Besson, the French writer-director of The Big Blue dxidLaFemme Nikita, has crossed the Atlantic and landed in Manhattan - Little Italy, to be exact, in his latest film, Leon. However, he is at pains to point out that he hasn't sold out to the US - Leon was, in fact, financed by the French, and the lead actor shares his nationality. Previous meetings of Besson and Hollywood have not proved successful (see The Assassin) and his fans will be relieved to know he has lost none of his originality and flair. The title role of Leon was written especially for Jean Reno, adapted from his appearance as Victor the cleaner in La Femme Nikita. Leon is a Mafia hitman, an invulnerable professional who lives only for his work and his potted plant. His solitary existence is disturbed when a twelve year old girl, Mathilda, takes refuge in his apartment to escape the corrupt DEA agents who murder herfamily. When Mathilda, played by newcomer Natalie Portman, discovers what Leon does she demands that he teach her the skills of his profession so she can avenge her kid brother's death. Leon is at first reluctant but eventually gives in to her and the two of them form a close, symbiotic, but ultimately untenable relationship. (Some critics, Time Out included, have pontificated about a possible paedophilic subtext to their friendship but just for the record, nothing dodgy happens - the eighteen certificate is due to Besson's own brand of stylish violence). Mathilda is hell-bent on exacting retribution for her loss, and her obsession leads to an explosive finale. The film derives its emotional impact from the excellent performances of the lead actors. Jean Reno, last seen in Les Visiteurs, is powerful, Gary Oldman, who plays psychopathic DEA agent Stansfield, overacts shamelessly -and gets away with it. Twelve year old Natalie Portman is a real find, let's hope she doesn't end up like most child actors. Together, they lift the film from being good to outstanding. Though Leon has a standard unbelievable, couldn't-happen-here plot - unlike Nikita - and a thousand generic thrillers it is somehow anchored in reality. mostly through its setting. Through Besson's outsider's eyes New York takes on a rough, irrestible beauty - a New York of seedy apartments and cutprice hotels, which makes you want to be there too. Besson achieves the impossible in Leon, taking a tired genre and making a film that knocks you off your feet. More, please, more. Resounding failure David Merchant reports on the successes of struggling bands •A ^; Director: Jeff Feurzeiy ICA T Talf Japanese: the band 1. J. that would be king, is playing as part of the "Eye and Ear" season at the ICA. The festival offers a selection of footage associated with music's cults and eccentricities. It features promo's and documentaries on a wide variety of bands and artists. Half Japanese is the name of an American cult, punk rock band. The film details the band's growth and the trouble that small groups on independent labels have competing with media hyped big label bands. It all started when two brothers, Jack and David Fair decided to form a band, even though neither of them had ever played a musical instrument before. At this point and during the next fifteen Photo: ICA minutes or so, I was trying to decide whether this was a piss take or actually sincere. Believe it or not, it was quite hard to tell. However, the odd obscure comment here and there made me think that the director was really having us on. In between scenes of the two brothers talking are various interviews with fanzine publishers, independent record moguls and other music industry types. This is where the film becomes clever, even though some of the things said are clearly comical, there is no overriding proof that this whole film is one big wind up. The director, Jeff Feurzeiy makes the film seem like any other music documentary. He includes interviews with extremely boring people, who say nothing remotely humourous, which made me think that maybe this was serious after all. The subtle satire, however, does represent what's been happening in the money dominated world of music since the mid-sev- enties. It uses any excuse to sky off MTV, pop magazines, commercial radio stations and any major record labels, all of which 'allegedly' exploit music for financial gains. The songs for me, though, were by far the best thing about this film. They were pathetically brilliant. Jad Fair has this whiney voice which when singing the stupidly funny lyrics. The accompanied by a band who really do sound shite, produce a horrible sounding but thoroughly amusing package. Other highlights included interviews with Penn Jillete from the comedy duo "Penn and Teller", and also the tambourine playing of Velvet Undergrounds former drummer Maureen Tucker, whose deadly serious and straight face was brilliant at saying what's wrong with the world of music. However, I often found my mind wandering - the relentless interviews with middle aged, monotonous voiced men did get boring sometimes and I found myself waiting for the next song or clip of a more interesting person. Every now and then there would be a "joke" in the boring bits, but my mind would be on other things and I'd miss it. Although this isn't as exciting or as funny as other music satires like Spinal Tap, for example, it is much cleverer, and worth a look if you seriously enjoy music documentaries. For the more casual cinema goer - although you may find parts amusing - the humour isn't continuous and therefore the film might not seem to flow, making it boring and repetitive in parts. KtlHng fields Could the 70's come up with anything worse? Richard Heamden thinks not Straw Dogs Director: Sam Peckinpah National Film Theatre Crazy title, crazy film! A re-release. Straw Dogs was originally shown in 1971, and is now back for a limited season by "popular" demand. As a 1970's bom and bred film, it is peppered with its fair share of cliches. Bouncing breasts, miniskirts and Triumph convertables instantly tell the viewer that it's the bad old days - no taste whatsoever. And, as if cliches weren't bad enough, we have to contend with an incomprehensible plot. David Sumner (Dustin Hoffman), along with his wife Amy (Susan George) are harrassed by some yokels - who are carrying out repair work to the roof of their Cornish cottage - to such an extent that he ends up killing them all. Great idea for a film - psycho killer in the English countryside. Well, not quite. Hoffman plays a quiet academic type who is unable to take the yokels on, despite the fact that they raped his wife and killed his cat. Much to the frustration and boredom of the audience, the result is a film in which the eventual hero is a whimpering pathetic creature who is constantly bullied. The remainder of the plot is just impossible. All in all, it's a film which is difficult to follow, badly made and with not much entertainment value - save for the last blood, guts and gore scene which is one of the better ones you will see. Dustin Hoffman Photo: BFI 12 Music THE BEAVER Febraary 6, 1995 The blooming generation Tom Stone sees the lightening Seeds) Fr ; Iriday night at LA2 saw the place packed for the Lightning Seed's sold-out concert. There really wasn't a lot of room to move, which begged the question of whether the Seed's had underestimated their own popularity in playing this relatively small venue, maybe we'll see them playing the Astoria itself next time. The concert kicked off with support band Cast. They put on an admirable performance, and even managed to preserve that traditional support band anonymity when, to cries of "Who are you?", the lead singer replied "John". Nice one John... perhaps a little more experience in self-promotion needed? Despite Cast's spirited performance, reeling off their three minute guitar-pop tunes with a certain amount of style the majority of the Lightning Seed's faithful in the audience remained unimpressed. The static feet and nodding heads at the front of the stage did not seem to bode well for the liveliness of the audience when it came to the main event. However, thankfully, when the Lightning Seeds did take the stage it was a different story. Their songs took on a whole new dimension when they were played live. The beautiful pop which is apparent in the studio versions of their songs was added to by the loud guitar of their live performance. All the tunes were still there, with guitar as the overriding sound (in true Oasis style), instead of the highly produced keyboard sound of their studio material. What could be more trendy? Guitars and pop tunes! The liveliness this gave to the songs was immediately noticeable in the reaction of the audience. As they played the first chords of their opener; "All I Want", a truly amazing piece of pop perfection from their first album, the audience stood bewildered for a time, and for an awful moment it looked like their reaction to Cast might be repeated. It didn't last long, and instead gave way to moshing concert violence that would've seemed more at home at a Blur concert. This continued throughout their set, and there certainly seemed to be an atmosphere of surprise from the band at their ecstatic reception. They continued through the set with hits from all of their albums. It was definitely a 'greatest hits' concert, rather than simply a promotion of their new album. This added to the whole atmosphere as the variety of old and new made certain that almost everyone must have had their favourite tune played. Every song was given the same energetic performance, finishing with one of their best ever songs "Pure". Couple all this energy with the humour created by the lead singer's dark glasses and bright-green tank top, and not surprisingly, you get a recipe for a good concert. Back in a flash Photo: Library Double Bubble on the backwash Mike weeps like a baby as he watches The Black Crowes A' /A.1 long time ago in another .life, I was in a band which was, at the time "professional" in that we had all quit work and were signed to one of the biggest management affairs in the country. All was well, until one day the singer decided he would get married and disappear on honeymoon for two weeks, which is good if you're in any other business but music, as this tale's moral indicates. Anyway, one day our mangager phones him up and says "what will it take for you to postpone your honeymoon?" to which he replied "a fuckin' miracle." So away he went, completely out of touch for a fort-night. I think this was the beginning of our end; while he was gone, our manager sits the rest us all down together and informs us of her conversation, it's outcome and finally (yeah, yeah I'm getting to the point!) it's purpose: in the weeks before him going away she had negotiated our band a month long tour of europe with none other than The Black Crowes, only it clashed with his honeymoon (not his wedding, if I remember right). We all fell over. I mean fell over. That tour would have been our open-cheque record deal in particular because a lot of people were already nibbling at the bait, as it were. So it was with no small lump in my throat that I sat and saw the guys themselves at the Royal Albert Hall on Saturday night. I have no problem with what happened before, and I respect the guy's commitment to his wife; but it could have been us up there. The support band were anonymous but cool, or rather the singer/ guitarist's and his support band were cool, they enjoyed themselves and had a good feel to (his) their stuff etc and what I saw of them I liked. The Black Crowes awaited us behind a huge curtain which drew back halfway through one of the songs that the audience was being pampered with, the usual shite K-Tel rubbish, which is unusual because bands normally enter the stage between songs; my first thought was that it was a little Crows unlucky? amatuerish but since the band were entirely ready and launched straight into their set I guess it was just a nice surprise for us mortals. There are so many people in the BC's that one wonders how small each member's share of the proceeds is. It obviously isn't enough, because it's painfully clear that the singer hasn'teaten in weeks - when he appeared I though someone had brought on a hobby horse or even jokingly dressed the mic stand. When he opened his mouth. however, everything suddenly became clear and his voice betrayed his true inner dimensions as it was big and quintessentially rock 'n' roll. The set was fairly slow and bluesy for the first half, the guys knowing that once they started to turn it on and speed it up then there's always a danger they' d fall on their arses when they try to pull it back a little. Anyway, enough of this gobshite and on to the fact that they were the dogs bollocks in- Photo: Library deed and house was rockin', and when they turned on the heat the place just went wild. The sound was excellent, and the band were great to watch and really gave a good performance. A great night, and to be sure I would have to thoroughly recommend anyone who likes their recorded material to check them out, they're sure to be surprised to hear an even better product live than the processed and inevitably watered down plastic version. THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Music 13 Attention! The stars are insane Tom reviews Versus' new album as well Versus are a New York Indie-rock trio, and "The Stars Are Insane" is their debut album, it will be released on February 27th on Cloudland records. Their style is very much what is expected these days from your average indie rockers, and as such it leaves you with the feeling that "Haven't I heard this all somewhere before?". The album has distinct echoes of the Wedding Present and Adam Lasus' raw production coupled with the tracks in which the band's female member, Fontaine Toups, tak-es the lead vocals is very reminiscent of Madder Rose, whom Lasus has produced for in the past. Despite it's lack of originality the album does manage to keep you listening. Although some songs, such as the opener "Thera" just seem to drift by in a haze of cloying guitar grunge, other tracks like "Circle" and "Wind Me Up" are far more likeable. This effect is mainly produced by the tuneful guitar riffs, which seem to be lacking on other tracks, and the fact that Fontaine Toups takes the vocals instead of the less than tuneful Richard Baluyut. Why is it that it's only Women who can sing properly these days? Baluyut's vocals leave you wondering whether he is actually trying to sound like the Wedding Present or whether he just can't sing! Throughout the album I found myself waiting for the great stonking track that just didn't come. Despite this fact there are plenty of tracks which are quite good, there is just nothing that is fully enough realized to really grab your attention. Much of the problem is the indistinct nature of the lyrics, if you listen the tunes are there, they're just not done in quite the right way. The guitar and bass riffs are promising though, and sometimes fit together in a way which really makes the track. If you're patient enough, and listen hard enough, the tunes are there and some of them are damn good. Only problem is some of them are also cack. Versus always have the excuse that the entire album was made over just one weekend! This does give things a certain element of freshness, but the facts that we've heard this sort of thing all before, and that there is no single material in sight, both severely limit their chances of success. If you like your obscure indie it might be worth a buy. Singer/songwriter/ guitarist/drummer/bassist looking for musicians to form an acid-jazz/ folk-pop experience. In addition, I am looking for a fellow singer/songwriter/guitarist for duet performances. P.A., drumkit and space available free. NO COVER MATERIAL! Scott: 081 674 3656 Machiavelli Graduate job prospects are still looking poor, so everyone wants that 21,000 a year sabbatical salary. General Secretary. One years successful candidate is often like the previous years, thus Rimmer from Red Dwarf should be favourite for this post. The contenders are: Ralph "leaflets in the library" Wilde (The Dream Team). Rumours abound that he's setting up a super sabbatical slate, to take on the might of his own Labour Club. Disqualified last year but, on his way back with a vengeance he's at 4-1. Ron "The Beaver is my wife!" (Down but not out party) Voce, crept a couple of places up the table having resigned as Executive Editor and has actually been heard to say that he'll really campaign this year. 5-1 Chris "The Blond Steven Segal" Parry's innocent chats to all and sundry on the steps of the Old Building seen to be working as he moves also to 5-1. Tom "Social-Ism" Smith, last weeks favourite dropping away now, maybe they should run Jethwa.7-1. James "I am man, hear me roar!" Atkinson (No longer affiliated to the Tories cause of Alexander Ellis, I may as well run as an Independent to stand a better chance Alliance) is there with an outside chance at 11-1. Sean "Office hour, the Three Tuns, 12-3 and 5-11" Gollogy (Gov/Law General Secretaries party) is fast climbing up the field at 15-1. 20-1 Bar. Finance And Services Officer Omer "A man with a mission" Soomro (The I'm still waiting for Vini to tell me what my mission is forum) still has to be there or there abouts. 4-1 Claire "Tesher look alike" Lawrie (Pink pyjamas party) at 5-1. Nalin "smooth and creamy" Jarofchutney, (told to run by Ralph) is the only LSE Exec Officer in memory not to be voted an Honourary student, due to overwhelming laziness, moves in at 7-1. Francisca "Sperling's taught me all I know" Mallerie (Old labour chestnuts club) cannot be discounted at 9-1. 12-1 Bar. Equal Opps and Welfare Another new favourite bursting into life here. Kate "Guildhall groupie" Hampton (The Wet Dream Team) has to be in with a shot, with new serious non hair flicking image 3-1. Omer "You all know whose welfare I care about" Sumro (the coalition collective) is there at 5-1. Paul "northern and proud" Bates (Black pudding Liberation party) 7-1. 12-1 Bar. Ents And Societies All these want to be Delaney's have yet to learn that the key to his success is in his hair. So buy your wigs, don't change your socks and join the party. In other words we need Meatloaf for this job. Each candidate is listed with their favourite joke. Nick "Nack paddywack"" Fletcher (Nick: "I can play chess with my Dog." Friend: "What a clever dog." Nick: "Not really he always loses." (Like my running mates, but then I don't vote for them do I.) 4-1 Darryl "Rag C" Hair (Darryl: "What's the most expensive butcher in Britain." Bernardo: "Well Dewhursts are quite pricy." Darryl: "No Prince Philip because each time he gets his meat out, he puts it up a sovereign!") 4-1 Gerard "Rediscovering my Jewish roots, cause it worked for Lewis" Harris (Gerard: "Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?" Friend (imaginary obviously): "Finding half a worm?" Gerard: "No having your penis wired to electrodes!") 8-1 Joe "90" Parfitt (Joe: "I can play chess with my dog." Joe: "How does he smell" Joe: "Dewhursts of course" Joe: "Jamaica?" Joe: "To get to the other side") 25-1 Vini "Vidi Vici" Ghatate (Vini: Knock knock. Omer: Who's there Vini: Do I have to tell you everything?) 100-1 That's all for this week. If you know of any secret aspiring candidates please send your letters to Nicoli Machiavelli care of the Beaver. Fmday FebKuany 1 7tIj Regenrs Pank HoTel Cankmron Sueer W1 Tickers £35 in advam fKOOJ LSESU KecepTion Tickers include dinnen and dance, tare ban, pub pnice dmnks and Lors mne BKOughr to you hy The Global Fesmal and Rag All pKoprs go ro chamy 14 THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Angela Carter Revisited Daniel Silverstone reviews Angela Carter's recently republished first novel After reading the first few pages of Shadow Dance one can immediately tell this book was written by Angela.Carter. Despite this being her first novel her distinctive style of magical realism is already fully formed. This typically consists of an intriguing conflict between the visceral human drives which are her subject, and her extravagant prose which imbibes even the most brutal story with a dreamy gloss. Shadow Dance is particularly morose novel. Set in the Home Counties every description exudes pettiness and decay. The narrator Maurice is- a.propieter of a junk shop which exists on the remains of gutted Victorian houses. This profession is an excellent vehicle with which Angela Garter evokes a changing of the order as the modern world infringes on prewar life. What is exposed is a world of rnodest escapism, ("Morris dreamed of a second class rail ticket"), splenetic characters and ugly, poor people. Nostalgia is the only defence available to Maurice and his wife. One is constantly lost in a "pile of discarded use-lessness" while the other is a "Victorian girl of the days when men were hard top hatted and ruthless". However, this fragile insularity is soon shattered by the wild dynamism of the towns two modern characters, Honneybuzzard and Ghislaine. Again, typical of Angela Carters work,the key to her characters personalities is their attitude to sex. In Shadow Dance it is the disquiet sexual revolution which ultimately shatters the past. This is epitomised in the promiscuous. Honneybuzzard and the pitiful, profane Ghislaine. These two with -their unchastised libidos expose the conservatism of the others who view sex with antipathy or disinterst. Suprisingly, around these equally maladjusted characters, Angela Carter weaves a traditionally violent, detective style narrative. It is here that the weaknesses of her style is exposed. Her plenitude of metaphors are beautifully adept at capturing the decripdness of an old house but clumsy when describing a fist fight. Immediately any momentum gained by the racy narrative (sex, fights, murder) is dissipated by her descriptive lav-ishness. This incongruity of style and content is best illustrated by Honneybuzzard. A vain savage man who commits various atrocities but whom A. Carter can't but turn into a "mad Orphelia". Unfortunatly this lyricism reads more like pretentiousness, when her characters have not got the depth 'to sustain it. Unlike the Bloody Chamber where she illuminates the heady world of mythology, the Shadow Dance is full of unnecessary obscurity. This is not to say that the reprinting of this novel is unwelcome. It is still a hauntingly sad tale previewing, rather than proving the arrival of a prodigious talent. Shadow Dance by Angela Carter. Published by Virago. An Open Letter To All Academies From Students'Union. The Academic Board votedlast Wednesday to submit the Students' Unions reqiiestfor representation to a postal ballot. I would like to briefly oiitline the Students' Unions arguments for representation on the Board. dealing with purely academic matters. However with changing times, the role of the Board has changed. The Board is now one of the cornerstones of the Sehoors committee structure and as such, it no longer deals with purely academic issues. As stated by the HEQC audit report, "the providers of all services to students, report directly to the Academic Board, which monitors the quality of their service and provision". Therefore it is important that students get to play their part in monitoring their services. More recently the Board, with its decision on smoking policy, outlined that it can not and will not any longer consider only academic matters. As it's decisions now affect the wider community of the School, we ask that those affected by the decisions have their say. The argument that students have a short tenure and thus there is a lack of continuity is a common one. However, the Students' Union as an institution provides that continuity through policy, dedicated sabbaticals and permanent staff members. The Students' Union is changing! To serve and represent our students has to be pur aim. As a student's vocation is study. We must represent them there. I hope many of you have seen the SU's report on the School's academic structure, our input in the ensuing debate about Educational quality. You should have received a much more detailed briefing through the post. If you have not or would like to discuss the case for student representation then pleaise give me a call on 7147. Students on the Board would enable us to be pro-active not reactive. We make up a huge proportion of the School community, I hope you will give us a voice on the issues that matter to us, at the Board, where it matters! Yours, Martin Lewis. General Secretary LSESU. COMPETITION f AX jmm m Look what'll happen to you if you don't enter our competition Photo: Castle Rock The shAwshANk REdEMprioN Starring Tim Robbins ; The Beaver, in conjunction with Beatwax, is offering five pairs of tickets to see this great new film for the morning of Sunday, 12 February. All you have to do is name the film in which Tim Robbins starred as ^ folk singer and presidentia;l candidate. Ahswers to The Beave'r Office (El97) by 12pm on Wednesday, 9 February. CONFIRMATION OF EXAMINATION ENTRY FOR SESSION 1994/1995 (which concerns all Undergraduates, General Course, Diploma, Exchange and ERASMUS students) SELECTION OF PAPERS FOR NEXT SESSION (which concerns all First and Second Year Undergraduates) UNDERGRADUATES, GENERAL COURSE, DIPLOMA, EXCHANGE & ERASMUS STUDENTS You should go to the Timetables office. Room H310, Comiaught House, as soon as possible ON or AFTER Monday, January 30 to collect your individual form for the CONFIRMATION OF EXAMINATION ENTRY AND SELECTION OF PAPERS FOR NEXT SESSION The form must be COMPLETED, signed by your tutor and handed in to the Time-tables Office NO LATER than THURSDAY, FEBRUARY l6 _/ THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 Campus 15 Campus Crossword bonanza extravaganza So, you think you're big on campus do you? Well, there's finally a challenge stern enough to test your knowledge to the full. Complete the crossword, and not only can you claim to know everything there is about our proud institution, but you also win the bonus prize of a romantic liaison for two with our gorgeous new editor Rachel Cuthbert, courtesy of The Beaver collective. Post completed entries to the Campus tray in The Beaver Office, room E197, East Building. Welcome to the challenge. ACROSS: I. Like Blunden, i.e. not fast (4) 8. Rosebery's biggest man-eater (4,8,5) II. Lighter shade of 25 across (4) 12. Obese Tory who chairs UGM (9) 13. Opposite of out (2) 14. To — or not to —, that is the question (2) 15. Disgusting, describes the birds in Kings (7) 17. A girl is pregnant if she has this in the oven (3) 18. Post—, has no life(4) 20. Nickname for someone with ginger hair (5) 22. Cried in Dillons when Flares Lawrie dumped him (6,5) 25. The colour of Lowen's face (3) 26. Towards (2) 27. Unhappy, see 23 down (3) 30. Ex-Lewis conquest,( present finance sab.) (3,9) 33. The French students eat these (6) 34. Takes his holidays in Barbados (4, 6) 37. Ex-first team captain, knows 8 across (5) 39. Past tense of bleed, hap- 47. Another word for a hideous bird (6) 48 .What most LSE men want, but can't get (4) 49. Lager/lemonade combination, shags Molly (6) 50. You must be this to enter the LGB society (3) Name: Department: DOWN 1. Martin Lewis's old nickname (6) 2. The word our Gallic friends use for 'the' (2) 3. Exclamation, rhymes with go (2) 4. What a man must do if he has no bird (4) pened to victims of Tuns 5. Ex-finance sab, snogged glassing (4) 40. Men's knobs go like this af- 6. ter ten pints (6) 42. Short for hello (2) 7. 43. Women' s Officer who pulled Phil Gomm last year (6) 8. 46. Describes most LSE Tories, see 50 across (5) 9. Justin Devil (4) Appears on your sheets after a wet dream (5) Scouser who can't get it up (5,8) Green bird who everyone fancies (4,7) LSE restaurant, serves shit vegetarian food (4) 10. Sperm (4) 14.The sports editors hair is going (4) 16. The post Delaney holds (4) 19. James Shields never pays up on one of these (3) 21. Used for smelling, or attracting scousers (4) 23. Speccy twat, often found in library (4) 24. Past tense of to wear (4) 28. A collection of women. Arabian princes and welfare officers have these (5) 29. You are guaranteed to need one on the nightbus home (4) 31. Unattractive, describes Ben Oliver (4) 32. Sleazy people like their women without them (3) 34. Stupid blokes name which fits the space (3) 35. Smells rank, and never washes (present ents sab) (7) 36. Without further — (3) 37. Ex Ents officer (6) 38. Values, 37 across has none of these (6) 41. Preferred post-match dinner of footballers (4) 42. Ugly woman, as in "Cooper scored a — trick" (3) 44. Porcine animal, ugly person (3) 45. Group sex, LSE men will never have one (4) 46. -Head, Scouse's nickname (3) 47. Mentally unstable, helps if you wish to pull in Kings (3) Aloha my sycculent chunks of pineapple. BB is back once more to regale you with all the saucy, sordid goings on in the corri-dbrS'Of sin, but finds himself at a loss as you ail seem to be suffering from the second term blues. Now, you know BE cares for you, sd I expect a marked improvement by next week. Without further ado, however, 1 will launch you into what ! can scrape from the barrel in the hope that it makes you sad enough to start misbehaving again. Last week kicked off on Wednesday with the much-anticipated, but non-existent llosebery cocktail party. As the eager punters arrived dreaming of a long sloe screw against the wall, they soon found they had their attitudes adjusted by a complete lack of any pina colada's. An alternative destination was found at Boogie Wonderland, 3Ut was so poor that nobody wanted ^ drt&k, and denied BB any chance of a Boogie Chunderland joke. The only bonus of the night came for Dick Felcher for whom the lovely Tracey declared her undying love. W^lidding bells are still some way off, butif biir man Felcher is anything like Shandy, fie's probably doneeverything by now. Next week he might even hold her hand. With Thursday being the usual washout, more was expected of Friday, but The Tuns again failed to produce the goods. As the Busy Kings proved to be a disappointment for the Scally Garden whose arse pinching tactics failed miserably. Perhaps more lessons from arse-master Matthew's are needed, but the disconsolate Scouse sex machine later thought he was up for a bit of nookie when he found himself in the blissful Karen Lie' s room. If his idea of foreplay wias puking on her bed, then he was probably on the right lines, but Lie had different ideas. Oaclean-ing her sheets later she reflected that it w^ a bad job, but probably better than his disease-ridden jiz. The real action, though came at the Pits earlier that night, and the club in no way lived up to its name. As the alcohol started to take affect, ex-ents officer Justinanexsab Devil could be seen cavorting with the Lovely Lola. Most had assumed that they were both taking a Sabbatical from love, but he claimed to be just checking her finances were correct in order to service her accounts. The night of love for LSE's political heavyweights was not over however^ as Women's room change with a young fresh-faced collective member Chris Hutchfie;ld. She certainly got her fair share of pork, but he later claimed "She's a barrel of laughs, but we're just good fiiends". I've said it many a time, but we've all hea,rd that one before. ¦ Before leaving you, BB would like you to spare a sympathetic thought for poor Raj Parahaiidy who was presented his five minutes of fame with the chance to ask a question on "On The Record.". His well rehearsed query included such clever words ^ ' 'segmentation',: but impressed none of thepanel. As the Tory MP in question called him a "Stupid buffoon", and told him to "Fuck off back to Birmingham", he visibly wilted under the pressure, and could later be seen in the Passfield bar drowning the sor rows of his failure. On this sad note, BB will leave you, but would like to remind you to be on your worst behaviour. See you next week. QUOTE OF THE WEEK; "If Perlman chucks me out of Pass field I'll break his back." (Simon Gardiner) _ 16 Sport THE BEAVER February 6, 1995 s Houghton / Street Harry 0 you've gone out, had a few pints and been chucked out of the pub. Either the taste of sick is prevalent in your mouth or you can feer it coming and want something to throw up other than bile: It's time to get some food, but the Metropolis has so many options that it's difficult to decide what to do. Never fear, because Harry is here to offer some welcome words of advice... The most popular choice is likely to be the students' favourite-the Kebab shop. Once in there you are faced with a multitude of delights. My arse. The only thing in a Kebab shop less greasy than the staff is a Chicken Kebab, but this takes way too long to do and there's nothing to occupy time, apart from pissing up an alley next door, so it's time for a Doner. Unfortunately, Kebab shop owners prepare themselves for the witching hour, cutting the pitta bread halfway up in accordance and increasing the number of burly Martin Keown look-alikes with blood-stained cleavers dramatically. But which shop do you go for? Mr C's may well be the most popular, but the last time the health inspector visited he arrived in a model T Ford and they might as well do their burgers self-service because they can move of their own accord. Instead go further North, turn left and make your vvay to Gigs, which is cheaper and does chips on top of a Doner at no extra charge for that ultra-lardy option. My own personal favourite on a Friday night is Chinatown (that's not LSE, to avoid any confusion). I'm sure that Chinese waiters really do enjoy seeing a vanload of pissheads roll in, which can be plainly seen from the enthusiasm and joy with which they serve you. I'm not sure why they bother giving out chopsticks after closing time because no-one is in a fit state to use them, instead preferring to play drums on the table with them or place them in all four orifices (six if you're a girl (five if you're a Tory)). There's not much point in being rude anc ? obnoxioustothewaiters,becausethey'lljust go and wank in your food. And they eat cats. The last paragraph applies for curry houses as well, so long as you replace the words "Chinese", "chopsticks" and "cats" with "Indian", "knives and forks" and "dogs.' Of course, the chances are that come midnight there will only be a couple of quic burning a hole in your pocket and so your choices are strictly limited. If you find yourself round Leicester Square way, you'llfinc a bargain in the shape of a beefburger, or testicles-and-eyelashes burger to be more exact. Unfortunately, prices are strangely-linked to German inter-war inflation, rang-^ ing from £2 if you're big to £5 if you speak in a whiny voice, carry a camera and wear leopard-skin clothes. Take my advice, steer clear of these anc instead go for the place by Long Island Icec Tea bar that sells pizza slices for a pound. After a night of tasty cocktails one of these will really fill you up, but it won't stop you having three of them anyway. You fat bastards. To fill space it fails upon me to say that Joe Parfitt sucks cocks for 50p a shot and has deserted his mates, so says Angus,; : tJp yours Delors And stop burning our sheep This weekend (3rd/4th/5th) sees the arrival of students from L'Ecole National de la Statistics et de r Administration Economique (ENSAE) for their biennial visit to the LSE. The plucky Frenchmen will be sending their best charges to combat in the fields of le football, la roogby and les (courts of) squash. The trip has been organised by the AU executive, in particular Joe Keating, Rob Gallimore and Matthew McNeil, and by AU administrator Liz Pety t, although she only did a bit apparently, despite the fact that it's her job. So what delights are being planned for le weekend? From their arrival on Thursday evening they will be whisked to LSE's premium reception room (The Underground) for a brief salut and pendant swapping with the AU executive, before the serious business of subsidised drinking gets underway at 8 o'clock. However, they will retire early to their luxury hotels, and us to our dingy halls and flats, because the serious business begins the next day. Coaches will depart from Houghton Street at 12.30pm for Windsor Avenue and Brian Whitworth's halcyon turfs, which should be flourishing due to his frequent cancellations which were both perfectly justifiable and necessary and haven't pissed everyone off much at all. Check first though, because the matches will be abandoned if a drop of rain has fallen in the past month or Brian sees any cows lying down. There will probably be room for all of LSE's 'barmy army' of fans on the coaches (i.e one seat) but the prospect of watching these international battles from the sidelines is not an enticing one. After all, say anything nasty and the Frenchmen will probably do a flying drop-kick on you. So who will triumph in this battle of England versus France -good versus evil, lamb transporters versus lamb burners, roast beef and Yorkshire pud versus garlic, onions and frogs legs? It's anybody' s guess but we can draw plenty from last year's form guide in Paris, where the football boys went down 4-0 (and certain members of the party went down on Belinda), offer in this magnificent city on Friday night. It's obvious really, they're going to The Tuns and then to Kings. Honestly it's true! Hopefully they'll learn from their most gracious hosts, in which case we should be treated to such gems as "Je suis mal parce que ta biere a plus de I'eau", "Je regrette mais j'ai casse ton cabinet de It's not Marble Arch the rugger buggers lost narrowly 24-18 while the humourless squash side were the only side to be victorious. However, looking back further than a year, the British have an excellent record over the French, including thumping victories at Waterloo and Trafalgar, Robbo's brace in the 3-1 World Cup victory in Spain in 1982 and regular bashings in It's "A Knockout" and "The Eurovision Song" Contest. And our sausages taste nicer. So what cultural delights are planned in store for the French amongst all that is on Photo: Library sandwich" and "Zut alors! Elle est une minger." Hopefully they won't follow the example that LSE set in Paris last year and throw a bag of shit around the coach and completely wreck their hotel. On Saturday, The Underground will be open in the afternoon for the Rugby International. Where the French can watch their side battle for the prestigious runners-up spot in the Five Nations Championship, before jetting off back home, licking their wounds, leaving us to celebrate our victory. Probably. Nick Kirby has haircut He still won't pull though With the half-way stage reached in this season, the race for the prestigious Golden Boot is hotting up with each passing week as LSE's top predators vie for the title currently held by Chetin Patel, who notched forty-two for the Fifths before going off into the wide world. Setting the early pace, predictably, is Angus Kinnear, who in taking his total LSE tally to 68 has struck 19 this year. Whether he can reproduce this fine form on the political scene in his campaign for General Secretary is another matter, although his good looks, easy-going personality and political acumen will surely stand him in good stead (he's got my vote). In second place is his partner in crime Grant Delea, obviously benefitting from Kinnear's unselfish, vote-winning play. Fifth team duo Rob Bush and Mark Gomes follow closely, along with Mr Thick as pigshit himself (although we can't be sure of his total because he counted it himself). Bubbling under in eleventh place is Chris Cooper with a quite remarkable four goals from defence. Everyone is looking nervously over their shoulder at his relentless charge. TOP ISCELEVEN Angus Kinnear Grant Delea Mark Gomes Rob Bush Andre Granditsch Steve Quick Adrian Vetta Jamie Moses Ben Griffiths Tim Ludford-Thomas Chris Cooper At the bottom of the table there are some surprising names. Club captain Mburu Kierini only has two, and these were both in the first half of the first game. Resignation perhaps? Ex-Charlton star (my arse) Rainbow Nelson has a pathetic one, while astonishingly those goal machines Shandy, Howard Wilkinson and Danny Fielding have a grand total of zero between them. Surely Ists 19 Ists 16 5ths 15 5ths 13 4ths 13 2nds 10 4ths 9 5ths 8 3rds 7 2nds 5 2nds 4 you couldn't get much worse than that could you? Guess again. 4th team skipper Scouse Gardiner has the grand total of minus one after drawing a blank in attack and getting one in the wrong end (that's not a reference to his sexuality by the way). BOTTOM SIX Mburu Kierini 3rds 2 Rainbow Nelson 2nds 1 Nick Charalambos Ists 0 Howard Wilkinson 3rds 0 Danny Fielding 2nds 0 Scouse Gardiner 4ths -1 LSE Cricket Club Nets are continuing at Lords, every Tuesday from 8pm-9pm - nearest tube station St Johns Wood (zone 2). Whites and AU membership compulsory Khalid Manzoor is good at cricket but misses penalties in hockey. The Beaver is published by the LSESU and printed by Eastway Offset, Hepscot Road, London, E9. Print negatives are produced by Gargoyle Graphics, 16 Chart Street, London, N1